Chapter 14.

Lena

"Can I help?"

I turned from the dinner dishes to see Sophia standing behind me. "Sure, sweetheart. I'd like that." I handed her a clean dishtowel. "You want to dry?"

"Okay," she nodded, unfolding the towel. "I used to help my mom do this."

"I used to wash the dishes at home when I was a kid," I told her. "I would always daydream while I did them."

"Me too," she smiled. "After we went in the system, I mean. When it wasn't fun anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, mom and I would talk and stuff," she explained. "She made it like a game. But in the foster homes, it was a chore, so it was boring."

"I see," I smiled. "Maybe you and I could make this a regular thing, honey? Would you like that?"

"I'd love it," she grinned. "Thanks, Lena."

"You're welcome, sweets." I turned on the faucet and rinsed a dish, then passed it to her. "How are you feeling?"

"A lot better," she said. "Do you think I can go back to school tomorrow?"

I thought about it. "I suppose so," I nodded. "You've been fever-free for twenty-four hours."

"Good," she said. She put the dish in the drain rack. "Lena?"

"Yes?"

"I was kind of wondering something." She paused, not quite looking me in the eye.

"What is it?" I asked, giving her my full attention.

"Can I... I mean, would you mind if I- if I called you Mama, like the other kids do?" She blushed deeply.

"Honey," I sighed. I put the mug I was washing back in the sink and looked down at her, biting my lip. "I'm flattered that you want to call me Mama. But I don't think it's appropriate right now."

"Oh." Her little face fell, and I felt terrible. I knew that it must have been so hard for her to ask me that question.

I reached out to rub her shoulder. "It's not that I don't want you to, baby. I'd be proud to be your Mama. But there are certain boundaries I have to maintain as your foster mother."

"I understand," she nodded without looking up,

I pulled her closer and hugged her. "But it doesn't change how I feel about you," I assured her. "I love you very much."

"I love you too," she said, smiling sadly. She set the dish towel down. "It's getting late. I better go take a shower for school."

"Okay, honey," I said. "I'll be up to say goodnight." I watched her go upstairs, my heart aching.

Callie

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I was changing for bed that night. I stood there, holding my nightshirt with one hand, and lightly touching my stomach with the other. I looked different since coming to the Fosters. My bruises were fading. They were yellow and green now instead of black and purple. I twisted my upper body, and only felt a dull ache in my ribs, instead of excruciating pain. They were healing. I squeezed the little bit of baby fat just below my bellybutton; it had gone away while we lived with Brian. He never let us have enough to eat to keep any fat on us.

I was still looking at myself when Sophia came into the room, dressed in her bathrobe."What are you doing?" she asked me.

I turned to her, and I couldn't help but notice that she was starting to fill out too. "Nothing," I said, a little embarrassed that she'd walked in on me. I pulled my nightshirt over my head.

"Sissy?" she said quietly.

"Yeah?" I pulled my hair back, then sat down on my bed.

She gave me an unsure look. "I don't want us to fight." She looked down at her bare feet, scuffling her toes on the carpet. "I hate that you're mad at me. Can't we just be friends again?"

"We never stopped being friends," I sighed. "We're sisters. We'll always be friends."

"But you're still mad..." she said.

I shrugged, wishing I could tell her that it wasn't that I was mad at her, but that I was scared for her. I couldn't do that, though. I was the oldest, and she needed me to be her rock. "I just don't think going to the therapist is a good idea," I said. "You don't deserve to get in trouble for what you did. Brian was abusing us. He would have killed us if you didn't kill him first."

Sophia came over and sat down on the bed beside me. "I didn't even mean to kill him," she confided. "I just wanted to hurt him enough so that we could get away. I was so scared."

"I should have protected you better," I said, putting my arm around her, hugging her from the side. "I should never have left you. If I just stayed home, none of this would have ever happened." I flinched as I spoke. Knowing this was something I had to live with, and I felt guilty about it every day of my life, despite what Stef and Lena had told me. "It's my fault. I let you down, baby."

"You didn't know," she said, resting her head against my shoulder. "I don't blame you for what happened."

"Then you're a much better person than I am," I said, pressing my nose into her hair. I separated from her, turning her to look at me. "Tell me the truth, Soph. Do you think you have to go to the therapist to please Stef and Lena? I know how much you want them to like you."

"No," she said, shaking her head.

"Are you sure?" I pressed, cupping her chin in my hand, forcing her to look me in the eye. If that was the case, and she was trying to please our foster parents, it was typical Sophia; she wanted to be loved so badly.

"Yes," she insisted. "I want to do it for me."

"Okay," I said, not entirely convinced.

"You can't talk me out of it," she said. "I've made up my mind."

I bit my lip as a thought developed in the back of my mind. "Then let me take the blame."

"What?" She gave me a confused look.

"If you go to the therapist, we'll tell her I shot the gun," I explained. "If one of us has to get in trouble, it should be me."

"No!" she cried. Her dark eyes suddenly got watery and tears rolled down her face. "I won't let you do that!"

"Hey, don't cry about it," I sighed, rubbing her back. "Think of it this way- you would finally have a home and a family. Stef and Lena would keep you. I know they would. I'd feel okay about leaving you with a family like them, if I had to."

"I don't want a home or a family if you're not there," she sniffled, balling her fists.

"Don't you think I feel the same way?" I asked. "If you tell people what happened, you would be leaving me behind."

"Your plan wouldn't work anyway," she said. "The cops already know I did it. They would know you lied." She wiped her tears away with the sleeve of her bathrobe, her shoulders slumped. "I miss mommy. I wish she was here."

"Me too," I said, absentmindedly brushing my finger across my nose.

"Remember when we were little?" my sister asked. "Mom would dress us like twins for church and stuff." Her tear-streaked face brightened a little.

"Yeah," I smiled, ruffling her damp hair. "You were so cute." I'd never resented my little sister, like some kids did. I loved her from the moment I saw her.

Sophia looked up at me, her eyes shining. She reached out and touched the gold pendant I wore around my neck. "I used to love when she would read to us and use different voices for the characters."

"Her favorite story was Hansel and Gretel," I nodded. Our mother loved books. "And she always cried at the end of Charlotte's Web. But... I didn't think you remembered any of that stuff, Soph."

She shrugged. "Sometimes, something little pops into my head. But I'm never sure if it's a real memory, or if I just dreamed it."

"Well, you can always ask me," I offered. "I remember her. I could tell you if it's real."

"Her hair was darker than yours, but you look just like her," she told me, still toying with my necklace. "When I start to forget what she looked like, I just look at you." She snuggled a little closer. "I miss having a mom."

"Me too," I said softly. My voice was shaky, and I knew I was close to tears. I tried to think of something else to shake them away.

"I want Stef and Lena to be our new moms," she went on. "Every night I wish they would adopt us."

"Don't get your hopes up," I gently warned. Wishes only came true in fairy tales, and especially not in our lives.

"They adopted Jesus and Mariana," she pointed out. "It wouldn't be fair if they adopted them and not us."

I didn't really understand her reasoning there; Stef and Lena could adopt whoever the heck they wanted, but I understood where she was coming from, and it made my heart hurt. "Life isn't fair, kiddo," I reminded her. I sounded just like our dad. He used to say the same thing whenever we didn't get our own way about something. And he was right.

"You know," I said. "You and I belong together. Mom would want me to protect you. That's all I'm trying to do."

"I know," she nodded. Her eyes had a faraway look in them.

"Are you still going to go?" I asked, hoping she'd changed her mind.

"I have to, Callie," she said. "I wish you could understand that."

My heart sunk to my feet. "Okay." I crawled out of bed and stood up. "I'll be right back. I need to brush my teeth."

Stef

"Penny for your thoughts?" Lena asked, rolling over in bed to face me.

I blinked, her voice bringing me out of a trance.

"You've been on page twenty-five for fifteen minutes," my wife teased, looking down at the book I was holding, one of those crime-drama thrillers I usually devoured.

I set my book aside and took off my reading glasses. "I guess I'm just distracted tonight. I've been thinking about Callie and Sophia. Those girls get to me every time."

"Me too," she said. "Sophia asked me if she could call me Mama tonight. Do you know how hard it was to tell her no?"

I nodded sympathetically; there were certain times when it was so incredibly hard not to become too attached to the kids we fostered. "They have so much at stake," I mussed. "Callie's so beaten down. She doesn't believe anyone could love her. And Sophia's so desperate to be loved. And they're facing this huge thing. They must be so scared."

"I'm just glad they don't have to face it alone," she said. "They have us."

"Lena," I said, turning to lock eyes with her. "Have you given any thought to adopting them?"

"Yes," she admitted, after a long silence. "But I wasn't sure if you would be on board. You've been pretty adamant about not wanting any more kids, honey."

"Well," I shrugged. "That was before I met these two." The Jacob sisters filled a space in my heart that I hadn't even known was empty.

"You know," I went on. "Callie's only aspirations for the future are to turn eighteen and become Sophia's guardian. And that's probably what will happen. Bill is trying to find them a permanent home, but the truth is, it's unlikely. Callie will most likely age out of the system first, and then she and her sister will be left out in the cold."

"That would be so sad," Lena shuddered. "They deserve so much more than that. Who would want to live life without love and a family?"

"I think we need to do this," I decided. "I know they belong with us. And if we don't adopt them, then who will?" I had a feeling that what had happened with Brian would only make things harder for them. "I love them so much."

"So do I," she agreed. She laughed a little. "Can you imagine how happy they'd be if we told them?"

"Our babies." I pictured their faces in my mind. I could hardly contain my excitement. "But we'd better not tell them just yet..." I warned, as much as I wanted to go their room right then and there.

"We still have a lot to figure out," Lena nodded. "A lot to discuss." She smiled a tight-lipped, mischievous smile. "But it will be so hard to keep it a secret."

Callie

I walked right past the bathroom and down the stairs to the kitchen. My legs felt like they were made of Jell-O, and my chest felt tight. What was I going to do? I felt desperate, and completely hopeless. Sophia wasn't going to listen to me, that much was clear. But how could I protect her if she wouldn't let me? I'd listened when Jesus had told me that I couldn't protect my sister from everything, but I still felt that I had to, for both our sakes.

I filled a glass with water and drank it down, trying to calm my panic attack before it started. I was putting my glass in the sink, when I saw Bill's card tacked the the family bulletin board. He'd given it to Stef and Lena the day he brought us here. It had his cell number on it too. He gave it to us in case of emergencies after The Brian Thing.

That little voice in my head that told me to do reckless things perked up. I plucked the card off the board and studied it. The phone was right there on the counter. I picked it up, and carried it to the table and sat down. I must have stared at it for at least five minutes, wrestling with myself, trying to decide what to do. I didn't want to lose the Fosters. I loved them. All of them, even though I'd been trying so hard not to. But at the same time, if we ended up with another foster family who could care less about us, our secret would be safe again. In the end, my love for my sister won out.

I dialed Bill's number. He answered on the sixth ring.

"Callie?" he asked, when I told him who was calling. "It's late. Is something wrong?"

"No," I said. "Not really. I just needed to talk to you about something."

"I'm listening," he promised. "Shoot." In the background, I could hear his TV.

"You need to find us another foster home," I explained. "Things aren't working out here."

The line went quiet, and I heard his TV go off. "You're not happy with Stef and Lena?" He sounded surprised.

"It's not that we're not happy..."

"What did you do now, Callie?" he sighed. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

"I didn't do anything," I insisted, a little insulted that he immediately put the blame on me. "It's just like I said. Things aren't working out."

He shuffled some papers and cleared his throat. "You're not gonna find a better home than the Fosters, Cal. Do you realize how lucky you are to be with them?"

"Please, Bill," I begged. "Just trust me on this."

"Alright, alright," he sighed. "I'll see what I can do. But no promises."

"Thank you," I said. "Bye."

"Bye."

I ended the call, staring into space, my eyes fixed on the dripping faucet of the sink. I'd done it, and there was no going back now. I just didn't know it would hurt so much.

I didn't feel like getting out of bed the next morning. I rolled over and kicked off the covers, then rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. Sophia was already up and getting dressed. "You going to school today?" I asked her.

"Mm-hm," she nodded. "Lena said my fever's been gone long enough that I can." She picked up her brush and pulled it through her messy hair. "Aren't you getting up?"

"Yes," I said. "Slowly."

"Come on," she said, coming over and taking my hand to help me up. Finally, I rolled out of bed and picked out some clothes, then quickly got dressed. But I didn't feel any better. I felt terrible. I did what I did out of love, I reminded myself. But I still couldn't look at myself in the mirror.

I followed Sophia downstairs. "Good morning, my loves," Stef smiled. "Grab whatever looks good. It's a cereal morning."

I took a bowl and filled it with shredded wheat, then sat down at my place between Brandon and my sister. I held the spoon to my mouth, but I couldn't get it past my lips.

"Aren't you gonna eat?" Brandon asked me, smiling a little.

"I'm not really hungry," I admitted, pushing the bowl away.

"I see," he nodded.

I heard the phone ring, but I pretended not to notice. Mariana answered it. "Moms!" she called. "Phone for you!"

"Really, you don't need to yell, honey," Lena said. "We're right here." She took the phone and she and Stef went into the other room.

"I noticed you looking at my guitar the other day," Brandon told me. "Do you play?"

I swallowed a sip of juice; my throat was so dry. "Yeah," I said. "Um, a little." I glanced over at the living room, trying to hear what was going on. "My mom taught me."

"You can use it whenever you want, you know," he said. "If you want to practice or whatever. I don't play guitar too much anymore."

"Thanks," I smiled. "That's really nice of you."

Stef and Lena came back into the kitchen then. Lena was gripping the phone in her hand. They both looked upset, as if they were barely keeping it together.

"That was Bill," said Stef, rubbing her temples. "Apparently, he's found a new foster home for Callie and Sophia."

To Be Continued