Chapter 15.

Callie

By now, I knew enough that Stef and Lena weren't going to beat the crap out of me. But I was still scared, not of what they were going to do to me, but of the looks on their faces; they looked so hurt. I looked down at my shoes, wondering if I'd made a mistake.

"Callie, what is going on?" Stef asked me. "Bill says you called him and asked to be taken from our home. Did you?"

I looked back at my sister. She was already crying. My face felt hot and sweaty. I wiped my palms on my jeans. "I- um..."

Stef turned to Brandon, Jesus and Mariana. "You guys can walk to school, yes?"

They looked to each other and nodded. "Yeah, sure," Brandon agreed.

"Then go ahead," she said. "You don't want to be late."

Our foster siblings left, leaving us alone. Sophia turned to me, angry. "I'm never going to forgive you!" she shouted. "You wrecked everything! I loved it here!" Her face crumpled and she started to cry harder.

"Sophia, I'm sorry-" I stammered. I never thought she'd find out that I called Bill; I thought he'd just come and get us without any explanation. Now I felt worse than ever. I looked down at my worn high tops, feeling like pond scum.

Lena went over to my sister and put her hands on her shoulders. Leaning down, she said softly, "Honey, before we get upset, let's let Callie explain."

Sophia shook her head. "I don't want to go. I love it here." She took a shaky breath. "I love it here," she repeated, hiccuping.

Lena sighed, and gave Sophia a hug. "You're not going anywhere," she promised her. "You're staying right here with us. I promise, sweets."

Seeing Lena hold Sophia, I felt even more uncomfortable. I jumped a little when I felt Stef touch my arm. "Come here, love," she said. "Please?" I nodded, and let her put her arms around me, even though I didn't deserve a hug. "We need to have a talk," she said. She let go of me and she led us to the living room couch. "Have a seat."

I sat down, hardly daring to look anyone in the eye. My shoulders were tense and heavy.

"Callie, you need to explain what's going on," Stef began, watching me carefully. "Do you really want to leave?"

Looking not in her eyes, but just past her shoulder, I nodded. "Yes. It's what I want."

"Are you sure?" Her eyes were searching me, trying to find answers.

"It's just for the best," I lied. "You don't need us and our problems and our baggage. We're just a burden to you."

Stef nodded, then turned to my sister. "Sophia, love, why don't you go up to your room for a little while, so we can talk to Callie?"

"Okay." She stood up, but didn't go anywhere.

"Please, sweetheart," Stef pleaded. "Now."

This time, Sophia hurried up the stairs, and I heard the door to our room shut.

"Do you really think you're a burden to us, honey?" Stef asked me, once my sister was out of earshot.

I nodded. "Yes."

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it, like I always did for Sophia. "That could not be further from the truth, slug-a-bug. You girls are very much wanted. We love you."

I chewed my lip, close to tears. I couldn't understand how they could still say they loved me after I'd betrayed them. It didn't make any sense.

Stef and Lena turned to each other, looking into each other's eyes, communicating somehow. Stef nodded just slightly, then Lena spoke up. "Honey, you know you're not fooling, us, right?" she asked.

I didn't answer.

"We know you called Bill because you were scared about Sophia's decision to see a therapist," she said slowly.

"We're not gonna yell," Stef promised. "We're not gonna get mad. We just want to know what you're thinking."

"I just-" my voice caught in my throat. Then, I blurted out the truth. "I just thought that if we went somewhere else, she wouldn't be able to go and she'd forget about it. That things would go back to normal and we'd be safe again." I took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, my heart thumping in my chest.

Still holding my hand, Stef nodded. "Callie, it breaks our heart that you felt you had to leave to be safe. You are safe here. If only you could see that."

"I wish you guys never brought up the therapist," I admitted. "Things were going good." My eyes stung and I blinked hard.

Stef let go of my hand and stroked my back. "We didn't know it would upset you so much. We were just trying to help you stop hurting."

"I'm scared of what's going to happen to us," I sniffled. My gums ached and my eyes burned. "I'd rather hurt forever than face it."

"You shouldn't have to hurt forever," she told me. She rubbed my back in circles. "It's normal to be scared about the future, baby. But you aren't going to have to face it alone. Do you really think we would just throw you and Sophia to the wolves? We would never do that. If what happened with Brian goes to court, we'll do whatever it takes. We have a lawyer. We'll testify for you. We'll support you and Sophia every step of the way. And when it's all over, we'll still be there. Because we're your family, and that's what a family does."

I looked up at her, surprised. "But you're not our real family."

"DNA doesn't make a family," Lena said, patting my knee. "Love does."

"And we love you like crazy," Stef added, kissing my cheek. "We want you to stay, sweetheart."

I thought hard for a minute, back to the night before, and how hopeless and out of control I felt. Maybe someday, if what Stef and Lena were saying was true, I'd never have to feel that way again. "I never really wanted to leave," I carefully confided. "Calling Bill was really hard. I just felt... I felt like I had no choice." I pressed my fingertips to the bridge of my nose. "I had a panic attack. I just got scared and panicked."

"Have you been having panic attacks for long?" Lena asked me.

"Since The Brian Thing," I told her. "Since after that night." I rubbed my nose, letting the tip of my thumb rest on my top lip. When I was a little girl, I sucked my thumb whenever I was worried or scared. I wished I was still little, so I could suck on it now.

"What happens when you have a panic attack, Callie?"

"I feel sick," I told her. "My chest hurts and I can't breath. My face gets hot, and I feel scared, and I can't calm down."

Lena moved closer to me, and put her arm around me. "Sweetheart, a therapist could help you with your panic attacks. She could help you learn to control your anxiety. Mariana used to have panic attacks, too, you know."

"She did?" This was news to me.

"Mm-hm," she said. "Whenever Stef and I left her sight, even for a minute, it terrified her. She was so afraid we were going to leave her forever."

Like her birth mom did, I thought to myself.

"It got to the point that she wouldn't even go to school," Lena went on. "She would cry every morning until she made herself sick. So, we took her to a therapist, and it took a while, but her panic attacks finally stopped. She hasn't had one in years." She combed her fingers through my hair, looking down at me. "You haven't been getting the help you deserve, sweetheart. But it doesn't have to be that way. Sophia recognizes that, and I think a tiny part of you does, too. You girls deserve a happy, healthy life."

"You just need to let us take some of the burden," Stef said, pulling me closer. "It's too heavy for you to carry alone." She smiled, squeezing my hand one last time. "Do you want me to call Bill and explain what happened- that it was a mistake, and he doesn't need to come?"

"Yes," I nodded. "Please. And I'm really, really sorry."

"It's okay," she said. "We still love you," she added, with a wink.

"Let me get Sophia, and we'll head for school," Lena offered. "I'll be right back." She turned to the stairs.

The ride to school wasn't very long. I sat in the passenger seat, looking out the window. Sophia was quiet too, and I figured she was still mad at me. We passed some shops along the road, and I looked back. "Hey, Lena?"

"Yeah?" she said, glancing at me.

"Can I please walk the rest of the way to school? I just want to be alone for a little while."

She stopped the car on the side of the road. "I suppose so, as long as you really plan to come to school."

"I do," I promised. "I just need some space."

"Okay," she said. "Go ahead."

I unbuckled my seat belt. "Thanks." Then, I slipped out of the car and watched them drive away. Once they were out of sight, I walked back to a used bookstore I'd seen and went inside. I didn't have a lot of time, so I browsed the Children's section quickly, until I found what I was looking for, a copy of Hansel and Gretel. It was worn around the edges, like it had been read a lot. I paid for it with crumpled dollar bills, then ran to school.

Later, in study hall, I wrote a note to go with the book.

Sophia,

I just wanted to give you a little something to say I'm sorry, and to show you how much I love you, even though I know a gift can't really make up for what I did. I thought this book might bring back some good memories for you. You don't have to keep it if it makes you feel too sad, though. I'll understand.

You're the most important person in the world to me, and I thought I was protecting you by doing what I did. But now I know I wasn't. I was keeping you- and me- from getting the help we deserve, because I was scared. But I don't want to be scared anymore, so I decided I'm going to go to the therapist with you. We'll face it together, just like we always have.

Love you always,

Callie

I folded the note and stuck it in the book. Then, when we got home that afternoon, I slipped into our room and left it on her pillow.

To Be Continued