Chapter 16. (warning- this chapter contains some mentions of child abuse.)

Callie

The night before our therapy appointment, Sophia was quiet; she went right up to our room after dinner and stayed there.

After I helped Stef with the dishes, I went up to check on her. I found her on her bed, laying on her stomach, writing in her notebook. "Hey," I said. "What'cha doing?"

"Writing," she answered without looking up.

I couldn't help but smile a little. "I see that." I went over to her bed and sat down. "What are you writing about?"

She looked up at me. Her eyes were so dark, I could see a tiny me reflected in them. "You can look," she said, pushing the notebook a few inches toward me.

I patted her on the bottom, then stretched out beside her. I glanced down at her paper, and Brian's name jumped write out at me. She was writing about that night again.

"Now that everyone knows what happened, I thought it would be okay to keep my journal again," she told me. "Is it?"

I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "If it make you feel better, it's okay with me."

"It does make me feel better," she confided. "Kind of." She smoothed out the page in front of her. "It's like, getting it all out on paper makes me feel more in control, like I can finally face it."

"Then you should keep it," I said. "I'm sorry I ruined your first one, Soph. I didn't know it was so important to you."

I pulled the notebook closer and skimmed the first page. I read about how I'd sneaked out that night, and how Sophia started doing the dishes; how she was supposed to say I'd gone to bed early because I didn't feel well. I read about how Brian came into the kitchen and lured Sophia into his room. I stopped there, unsure if I wanted to go on. Just looking at it, I could tell she'd written in graphic detail. "You know, you never really told me what he did to you," I said quietly. "I know it's kind of uncomfortable to talk about."

"It's embarrassing," she admitted, fidgeting. "He did weird things to me."

"What do you mean 'weird things'?" I asked. My over-protective instincts perked up. "Sophia, he didn't put his thing inside you, did he?" I put my hand on her arm and gave her a firm look. "Tell me." I felt my heart speed up, thudding hard in my chest.

She shook her head hard, and her cheeks turned red. "No. Not that. But he did put his finger in me." She lowered her voice to a strained whisper. "It hurt."

I took a deep breath, relieved in a way. If he had raped her, he was lucky he was dead. I would have done much worse to him, myself. But at the same time, a lump formed in my throat and my heart ached, because my little sister had still been violated. Suddenly, I felt cold. I moved closer to her, so we were nearly cheek-to-cheek.

"You don't have to be embarrassed about it, baby," I said softly. I pressed another kiss to her cheek. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything to make it happen."

"I know that..." she sighed.

"Good," I said. "Don't ever forget it." I brushed back her long hair, tucking it behind her ear. "Did you know that he used to touch me, too?" I'd never told her anything about the sexual abuse that went on while she was asleep at night. I thought she was too young, and I wanted her to stay as innocent as possible for as long as she could. No easy feat growing up in the system.

She nodded. "Sort of. I mean, I kind of suspected it."

"I never wanted him to hurt you like that," I told her. "I wish it never had to happen to you. But I know what you're going through, Soph. So, you're not alone."

She reached out and placed her soft little hand over mine. Finally, the lump in my throat went away.

I could tell she didn't want to talk about it anymore. And I didn't either. But I didn't want the closeness I felt with her at that moment to end; lately there had been so much tension between us. I rolled over on my side and held my arms out for her. "Come here, kid. Let me squeeze ya'."

Smiling, Sophia put her pen in her notebook like a bookmark and closed it, then scooted over and snuggled against me. I planted a kiss on her forehead and stroked her hair. "I love you so much, Sophie bug," I told her. "I know I haven't acted like it lately, but I'm really proud of you." I pressed my forehead against hers and looked her deep in the eye. "I think you're the bravest person I know."

Stef

"Have you seen Callie and Sophia?" I asked Lena, coming into the kitchen.

"No," she said. "I think they went upstairs. They didn't even stick around for dessert, which is unusual for Miss Sophia."

"They're nervous," I guessed. "I don't blame them." I looked around quickly. "Honey, I just had a thought. Since they're not around right now, maybe it would be a good time to talk about you-know-what with the kids?"

Lena glanced up the stairs then nodded, smiling mischievously. "Now would be perfect."

The kids were watching a movie in the living room when Lena and I found them. "Hey guys," I said, sitting down. "There's something Mama and I need to talk to you about. Would you mind pausing the movie for a little while?"

Jesus groaned, but finally picked up the remote and pressed the pause button.

"Thank you," I nodded. I looked to Lena and smiled, and she took my hand in hers. "I'm just going to come right out and say it," I began. "Mama and I have decided to adopt Callie and Sophia. But before we make such a big decision that will affect the whole family, we want to know if it's okay with you kids."

Mariana, Jesus and Brandon looked to each other. There were raised eyebrows and whispers between them. I recalled the day we asked B. how he felt about us adopting the twins. I'll never forget his answer. 'Sure, there's enough to go around.' I hoped our children would feel the same way now that our home was already crowded. Even though we were short on space, I hoped the realized there would always be enough love to go around. Plenty for him, the twins, and Callie and Sophia.

Finally, Brandon spoke up. "I'm cool with it."

"That's great," I nodded, pleased. "I'm glad you feel that way, honey."

"I think it's good that you want to adopt him," he said. "I mean, they've had it pretty hard."

"But taking them in permanently will mean making some adjustments," I reminded him. "It would mean giving up your room. Are you willing to do that?" I looked over at Jesus. "And in your case, to continue sharing your room with your brother?"

"I guess I can take Brandon banging on his keyboard a few more years," Jesus shrugged. "I think you should go for it, moms."

"And I can take Jesus's snoring," Brandon countered, play-punching his brother in the arm. Jesus punched him back, and I gave them a sharp look.

Mariana was the only question mark left. She could be unpredictable. "How about you, Miss Thang?" Lena asked her. "How do you feel about the idea?" I held my breath, waiting for our daughter to answer.

"I guess I wouldn't mind having sisters," she finally said. Lena and I breathed a collective sigh of relief. "At least the boys will be outnumbered."

I had to laugh at that. "So it's a yes from you, honey?"

"Sure," she said. She paused for a moment, biting her lip. "How come you and Mama are adopting them so soon, though? You waited almost five years to adopt me and Jesus."

"Well," I answered. "You and Jesus were still young, honey. Callie is already sixteen, so we don't really have that kind of time with them. Otherwise, we probably would have chose to wait a little longer."

"Oh," she nodded. "That makes sense."

"And the next few weeks aren't going to be easy for the girls," said Lena. "Mom and I really thought they could use a break. Something good to look forward to down the road, so they can take their minds off their troubles for a little while. Don't you think?"

Mariana nodded again. "Yeah."

"So, it's unanimous?" I asked.

The kids answered with a resounding "Yes."

"Nobody says a word, though," I reminded them. "We'll tell them as a family later on."

"When?" Mariana wanted to know.

Lena turned to me. "Tomorrow? After their appointment?"

"That sounds good," I agreed. "We'll plan for when I get home from work."

After our family meeting broke up, I took Brandon aside. "I'm proud of you, B., I told him."

"For what?" he asked.

"For being so good about everything," I explained. "Giving up your room is a big sacrifice. You're handling it very maturely."

He reached out and gave me a hug. "Don't worry about it, mom. Really. I don't mind." He winked at me. "Hey- there's enough to go around."

Callie

I woke up around twelve-thirty, feeling restless and scared. I'd had a strange dream, but I could only remember bits and pieces of it. I looked over at Sophia. Our beds were pushed together again, and she was curled up in a little ball, hugging her stuffed horse. I was scared, but I didn't have the heart to wake her up. She needed her sleep. We had a big day ahead of us tomorrow.

I swallowed, and realized I was more thirsty than I was scared. Slipping out of bed, I went down to the kitchen. The light about the sink was on, and Stef was sitting at kitchen table, drinking a cup of tea. I stopped, watching her.

"Callie, honey?" She set her mug down on the table. "What are you doing up so late, slug-a-bug?"

"I couldn't sleep," I explained. "I was thirsty. And I had a bad dream." She gave me a worried look. "It was just a regular nightmare," I quickly explained,

She nodded. "I couldn't sleep either. Do you want to keep me company?"

I did. More than anything in the world. "Yes," I nodded.

"You missed dessert tonight," she said, getting up and going to the fridge. "How about a little midnight snack?"

"Okay." I got myself a glass of water, then sat down at the table. I was hungry.

She took a carton of mint chip ice cream out of the freezer, and began scooping it into two bowls. "Don't tell Lena," she winked, setting one bowl in front of me and taking the other to her seat.

"I can keep a secret." I smiled. "Too soon?"

"A little," she laughed, scooping up a spoonful of ice cream. "Just a little."

I took a bite of my own ice cream. It tasted so good. I let it melt in my mouth so it would last longer. I wanted the moment to last as long as it could- I liked hanging out in the kitchen with Stef while everyone in the house was asleep. It felt cozy and warm. If only life could stay that way forever.

"What do you think about the idea of redecorating your room?" Stef asked me. "Maybe we could paint it a more feminine color, get some nice pictures to hang on the wall? You think Sophia would go for that?"

"I don't know," I said.

"I was just thinking, maybe the room is adding to your sleep troubles," she offered. "It's kind of dark and depressing in there. It might help to brighten it up."

"But it's Brandon's room," I reminded her. "Wouldn't he be mad if we changed it?"

She shook her head. "I don't know that he would. It's going to be yours and Sophia's room for the foreseeable future. And paint is easy enough to change." She took another bite of ice cream. "Would you like me to run the idea by him?"

"Okay," I nodded. "Thanks, Stef."

"It's no problem, love," she smiled. "Do you have a favorite color?"

"Blue," I told her. "I like blue."

"And Sophia?"

"Pink," I sighed.

"Not crazy about pink?" she laughed, scraping her bowl clean and licking her spoon.

"Not really," I said, shaking my head.

"Me either," she chuckled. "How about I pick up some paint chips to look over this week?"

"If we're still here..." I started to say.

She looked me in the eye. "You will be." The way she said it, I believed her. She was so sure."If Brian hadn't died, he would be in jail for what he did to you girls, wouldn't he?"

"Yeah, I guess so," I said, nodding.

"A judge would consider that," she told me. "I know that you and your sister, you know, don't have a great impression of the law. But we really are here to protect you, sweets. Not to hurt you. Okay?"

"Okay," I said.

"So I don't want you to worry. You're gonna make yourself sick."

"My mom used to say that," I smiled.

"She sounds like she was a smart lady," Stef told me.

I touched my necklace lovingly. "You remind me of her sometimes..." I ventured. Stef didn't look like her, but her voice and her mannerisms were similar.

"That's a wonderful compliment," she replied. "I know she was an amazing mom."

I looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. "How do you know that?"

"I know," she said, "because she raised two amazing girls."

"Sometimes, when people hear we're foster kids, they think my mom must have been a bad parent," I confided. I'd seen that reaction plenty of times, and it hurt me right down to the core. "But she wasn't. She was the best." I looked up at my foster mother, realizing what I'd just said. "Besides you guys, I mean."

"Aww, honey." Stef set her spoon down and reached out to rub my back. "Don't let it get to you. There are ignorant people out there. And it's not always their faults, you know? I think people judge others out of fear."

"I've done that," I said quietly, looking down into my bowl. Melted ice cream dripped down the sides. "To you." I didn't feel good about that now, but it was true.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" she asked. She didn't sound mad. She actually sounded a little amused.

"I thought you were going to be mean," I told her. "Because you're a cop. I just thought, you must be like all the other cops I've met. I thought I couldn't trust you. But I was wrong. You're so nice. You're my friend, and I'm pretty sure I can trust you."

"My sweet baby," she laughed, wrapping me in a hug. She brushed her lips against my temple. "You're my friend, too. I love you, you know that?"

I rested my head on her shoulder, lightly stroking her back with my fingertips. I wanted to tell her I loved her, too. I tried. But when I opened my mouth, no words came out.

She gave me one last kiss, then stood up, taking our bowls to the sink and rinsing them. "Time to destroy the evidence. Then, we better try to get some sleep."

To Be Continued