Chapter 37.

Callie

Sophia went back to bed after she told me that she wanted to stay with the Fosters, but after she woke me up, I couldn't fall back asleep. I got out of bed, stepping on the cold floor with my bare feet, and went downstairs to see if anyone else was up and around. Stef was in the kitchen, sipping a cup of coffee and eating a bowl of cereal.

"Good morning, love," she said. "You're up early."

I smiled, hardly able to contain my excitement. "I'm glad you're up. I have some really good news to tell you!"

"You do?" Stef said. "Well, you sit right down and tell me about it."

I pulled out a chair and sat down next to her.

"It must be something pretty great," she said. "You're in the best mood I've ever seen you in in the morning."

I rolled my eyes, still smiling. "Sophia woke me up a little while ago and told me that she decided she doesn't want to live with our dad anymore. So, all we have to do is tell him we want him to sign the papers, and we can get adopted!"

Stef sucked in her breath. "Oh, Callie! That's wonderful, honey!" She pulled me into a quick hug and kissed me on the forehead. "I'm so happy!"

"Me too," I nodded, fixing myself a bowl of cereal. "Can we call him today and tell him before she changes her mind?"

Stef gripped her mug thoughtfully. "I don't know that we should spring this on him like that, honey. He'll probably be sleeping when you girls get home from school. I think we should set up a visit with him through Bill."

"Okay," I sighed.

She laughed. "Just be patient, love."

I spooned up a bite of cereal. "I'll try."

"But there's no reason we can't start making plans for the future," she told me. "Things we couldn't really think about before."

I looked up at her. "Like what?"

"Well," she said. "I was thinking maybe we could all take a family vacation this Summer. It's been a while since we've gone anywhere. We go camping every year, but maybe we could fit in another trip besides that?"

"I've never been on vacation," I told her. "That sounds really fun."

"And maybe we could get you your learner's permit, and I could teach you to drive?" she offered. "Would you like that?"

I sat up a little straighter. "That would be awesome! But I'm warning you now, I can barely ride a bike."

Stef laughed out loud. "Don't worry, honey. You'll do fine." She paused, taking a slow sip of her coffee. "We also need to start thinking about your education."

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

She set her mug back down, but still gripped it between her hands. "Do you remember when you first came here, and we were sitting here eating a snack, and I asked you what your goals for the future were? You told me that all you wanted was to turn eighteen and get custody of Sophia, so she wouldn't be in the system anymore."

That day seemed so long ago now, but I did remember it. "Yeah. Sort of."

"That made me very sad," she told me. "You're so bright, Callie. I feel like you have so much more to do in life. I'd love to see you go to college after high school."

I shook my head. "No. That's way too much money."

"Not necessarily," she said. "There's financial aid, and student loans, and I'm sure there are scholarships out there. Maybe even scholarships specifically for foster kids? Where there's a will, there's always a way."

"I guess so," I shrugged. "But I wouldn't even know what I'd want to study."

"You don't have to decide yet," she told me. "There's plenty of time for that."

I'd never thought much about having a career. I always figured I'd just find a steady job that would support me and my sister. But hearing Stef talk, I almost dared to let myself dream of another life. "Whatever I do," I ventured. "I know I want to help people. Kids like me and Sophia."

Stef nodded. "You know, I could actually see you as a social worker. You're so caring, and you always know the right things to say to people."

I considered that possibility for a moment, but then I remembered how scared Sophia and I used to get every time we saw a social worker. I wasn't sure if I could stand knowing that I caused some other kid to be afraid like that. "I don't know. Too many bad memories."

"Well," Stef said. "There are lots of other ways to help people. I mean, you could be a counselor, or a nurse, or a teacher..."

I bit my lip thoughtfully, as an idea occurred to me. "What about a cop, like you?"

Stef's eyes lit up. "Honey, if you became a cop like me, I'd worry about you every minute of the day. But I'd be so proud."

We'd just sat down to eat that evening when the doorbell rang. Stef set her napkin down on the table and sighed. "Now, who would be visiting during dinner?" She started to get up, but Jesus stopped her.

"Don't worry about it, mom. I'll get it." He slid away from the table and headed toward the front door. He came back into the kitchen a few moments later, and I knew something was wrong by the look on his face.

"Moms," he said quietly. "Some social worker's at the door. She wants to talk to you."

Stef and Lena glanced at each other, then got up and left the room.

"I'm scared," Sophia whispered to me. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," I said. "Come on." We got up from the table and quietly went to the living room doorway. Mariana, Jesus, and Brandon followed.

I guess I was expecting to see Bill standing there, talking to our moms, but it was a woman I didn't recognize. For just a second, I thought, maybe this wasn't about us. Bill was the only social worker we'd ever had.

"We've received notification that your license to foster has expired," the stranger was saying to Stef and Lena. "I'm sorry, but unfortunately without a current license, I'm going to have to remove Callie and Sophia from the home."

Instinctively, I reached for Sophia's hand, not just to comfort her, but as an anchor for myself. What was happening didn't feel real.

"Is this really necessary?" Stef asked. "We didn't get any notification. These are our kids. We're in the process of formalizing their adoption."

"I know," the social worker nodded. "And I sympathize, but I need to follow procedure. If I don't take them, I could lose my job."

"Could you possibly make an exception?" Lena asked her. "The girls have been through so much already..."

"Moms, it's okay," I sighed, speaking up for the first time. They turned around to look at me. "Come on, Soph. Let's go get our stuff together to take."

"But, Callie..." Sophia whined, confused. I felt terrible, but what else could we do? This woman was going to take us whether or not we wanted to go. All I could do was ignore the panic in my chest and pretend to be in control, for her sake.

Stef came over to us and put her hands on our backs. "I'll help you back an overnight bag, girls."

We followed Stef to our room- our beautiful new room, and looked around. I felt like crying. Sophia was already in tears. "Don't let her take us away," she sniffled, holding onto Stef's arm. "Please, mommy. I don't want to go!"

Stef's chin quivered. "Come here, baby," she said, sitting down on my bed. "You too, slug-a-bug." We sat on either side of her, and she wrapped us both in her arms.

"I'm so sorry, my loves," she whispered. "Mama and I feel terrible. This is all our fault. I don't know how we let this happen, but with everything that's been going on... I'm sorry. We'll make it up to you somehow."

I blinked backed tears. I'd never realized until then how hard it must be to be a parent. "It was just a mistake," I said, taking her hand. "It's okay."

"No, it's not okay," she said. "But I promise you, Mama and I are going to get an extension from the judge first thing in the morning. You'll be back in your own beds by tomorrow night."

"I'm scared," Sophia hiccuped. "What if we go to a bad home and they hurt us again?"

"No one is going to hurt you, honey," Stef reassured her. "It'll be okay. I need you to be brave for me, love bug."

"It's not like this is the first time this has happened," I reminded my sister. "We've always gotten through it before, haven't we?"

"But this is different," she said sadly.

I swallowed hard. She was right. All the other times we were taken from a foster home, we had nothing to lose. This time, we had everything.

"Callie and I will get some clothes together," Stef said, standing up. "Sophia, why don't you run to the bathroom and grab your toothbrushes?"

I pulled open my dresser drawer and started shoving clothes into our backpacks, feeling numb inside. Then when we were all packed, we went back downstairs.

"Are you girls ready?" the social worked asked.

"I guess so," I shrugged.

"You'll be home before you know it," Lena told us. "Keep your chins up."

"We will," I nodded, as she hugged and kissed each of us goodbye.

"Again, I'm so sorry about this," the social worker apologized.

I reached down for our backpacks. "I'll get those, love," Stef said, taking them from me. She walked us to the car parked in the driveway, and put the bags in the trunk and closed it. She turned around to look at us.

"You know we love you, yes?"

"We know," I nodded. "We love you too."

"We'll see you soon," she said, giving each of us a hug and kiss. And then, we found ourselves inside a county car once again, on our way to our eighth foster home.

Our new foster mom was an older woman named Helen. We sat at her table, barely a half an hour after being taken from our home, picking at plates of pasta covered in a watery marinara sauce.

"Not hungry?" she asked us. "I know the food's not great."

I shrugged, glancing over at my sister, who was frowning at her dish. "We kind of already ate at home," I fibbed. My stomach growled, thinking about the delicious dinner Lena had made, and we'd just sat down to. I could almost taste the roast chicken I'd only taken one bite of.

Helen took our plates. "How about some dessert?" she offered. "I baked cookies." She brought a plastic container to the table. "Help yourselves."

Sophia looked to me for permission, and I nodded. We each took two oatmeal cookies.

"So, how many foster homes have you been in?" Helen asked us. "In how many years?"

"This is number eight," I said. "In six years."

Helen shook her head. "That's rough," she replied. "I'm sorry." She brought the cookies back to the counter. "If you girls are done eating, it's time to get ready for bed. I expect you to be up early to help with chores."

"Our moms are coming to get us in the morning," Sophia piped up, the first words she'd spoken since we'd arrived.

"Still, I like to turn in early," Helen said. "I'll show you to your room."

We shouldered our bags and followed her down a dimly lit hall. The room we'd be sleeping in was a drab square with as bed, dresser, and nightstand. The first thing I noticed were the bars on the windows.

"Now, you girls are flight risks, so I'm going to have to take security measures," Helen told us. "I'm going to lock you in. I'm a light sleeper, so if you need anything, just knock on the wall and I'll come unlock the door."

"Can I go to the bathroom first?" Sophia asked.

She nodded. "Go ahead. It's right across the hall."

"I need to go too," I said, dully. I would never knock on the wall for her. It was humiliating. I'd rather pee my pants.

When we returned from the bathroom, Helen watched us get into bed. "Goodnight," she said.

"Goodnight," we mumbled, even though it was only eight-thirty.

I watched her shut the door, and I heard the lock click as she turned the key. Once we were alone, I went to the window and touched the cold, solid metal bars. The whole house was cold; nothing like home, where it was always warm and welcoming.

"It's like being in jail," I said to myself. I wasn't sure what Helen meant by us being a "flight risk." We hadn't tried to run away from a foster home in years. I wondered if she was told about The Brian Thing, and was just afraid of us.

I got back into bed, a million frightening thoughts running through my head. My first and foremost fear was fire. What if Helen couldn't come unlock the door for us? With the barred windows, we'd be trapped in a burning house. We'd die. That fear was followed closely by carbon monoxide poisoning, or one of us getting sick. Then, there were my night terrors. I'd had a bad nightmare just the night before, and any kind of upheaval was a trigger. I put on a brave face, trying not to show my sister how scared I really was. She was counting on me to be strong for her.

"Callie, I'm hungry" she said quietly.

I sighed. "You should've eaten your dinner, Soph."

She wrinkled her nose. "It was gross. Besides, I wasn't that hungry then."

"You'll have to wait until tomorrow," I said. "Unless you want to knock on the wall for Helen."

Sophia put her face in her hands and burst into tears. "I just want to go home, Callie. I want moms!"

"I want to go home too," I said, laying my hand on her back. Her body shook while she cried, and I rubbed her shoulders, trying to sooth her. Meanwhile, I bit back the mean voice in my head that was telling me this was why we shouldn't have gotten so attached. It just made things harder later.

"Here," I said, reaching for her backpack. "Take your Barbie and your horse and try to get some rest. Mom said she'd take care of this tomorrow. She'll come for us." I tucked her in, and fluffed her pillow for her.

"What if they can't renew their license?" she asked me. "What if we have to stay here? Helen's weird."

"That won't happen," I promised. "Moms wouldn't leave us here. We'd run away before staying here. " I lay back against my pillow and took her in my arms, rubbing her back. "Listen, if I have a nightmare tonight, I want you to wake me up before it gets really bad, okay? Promise me."

"I will," she promised.

I nodded. "Thanks. Now close your eyes, baby. Just pretend we're home in our room."

"Kiss me goodnight?"

"Don't I always?" I bent my head down and kissed her. "I love you, Sophia."

"I love you too," she sniffled, curling up against me. I yawned, and closed my eyes. When I did, all I could see was fire, engulfing the house we were trapped in. And I knew sleep wouldn't come easy that night.

Stef

My chamomile tea had gone lukewarm. I got up from the table and dumped it in the kitchen sink, then rinsed my mug. It was late, and I decided it was time to go to bed. I would have to be up bright and early the next morning.

I went upstairs, passing Callie and Sophia's room. The door was half-open, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small dark-haired sitting in front of the Barbie house. In the split second I'd seen her, it barely registered as unusual. Sophia's playing with her dolls, I thought, in the back of my mind. Then it hit that my youngest daughter wasn't there. It couldn't have been her.

I turned and opened the door, looking inside. "Mariana, honey?" I called softly. "What are you doing sitting here in the dark, my love?"

My daughter sniffled loudly, drying her eyes with her sleeve. "Nothing. I'm sorry."

I crossed the room, and sat down behind her, wrapping her in my arms. "You don't have to apologize, honey. Tell me what's the matter. Why are you crying?"

Mariana gulped in a shaky breath of air. "I should've given it to her."

"Gave what to who?" I asked.

"The dollhouse," she sobbed. "I should've let Sophia have it. It's not like I was using it. I was just being selfish."

"Baby," I soothed, hugging her tighter, kissing her tear-stained face. "Don't cry. It's okay."

"She loves it so much," Mariana went on. "And I was mean about it, and now she's gone."

"Sophia will be back," I promised her. "Callie too."

"I miss my sisters," she said through fresh tears.

"I miss them too, honey," I said, rocking her slowly. "But you shouldn't feel so bad. You weren't ready to give up your dollhouse yet, but you did offer to share it with Sophia. I think that was very unselfish of you."

"You do?"

"Yes," I said. "Now, how about we get ourselves to bed? Things will look better in the morning."

I walked her to her room and tucked her under her covers. "Goodnight, my baby," I said, leaning down and planting a kiss on her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said. "Goodnight, mom."

After she was settled, I went to my own room. Lena was already in bed, waiting up for me. "Is everything okay, babe?" she asked.

I slid into bed, and cuddled against her. "I was just up talking to Mariana," I explained. "She was feeling bad about the girls. I can't say she's the only one feeling a little guilty right now, though."

Lena petted my hair and pressed her lips to my forehead. "What's on your mind?"

"I keep going over what I should've, could've done so this wouldn't have happened. I keep thinking that if I'd stayed on top of things, and remembered to renew our license before it expired..." I sighed. "I was just talking to Callie this morning about family vacations and college. The girls must hate us."

My wife pulled me closer, so she could look me in the eye. "Honey, what happened wasn't your fault. I didn't remember to renew our license either. We're human, and we make mistakes. And I'm sure the girls don't hate us. They know how the system works. And I trust that they know how much we love them."

"I know," I said. "I just miss them so much."

"Me too," she agreed. "This house feels so empty without them in it."

I rubbed my temples tiredly. "I just hope they're okay."

To Be Continued