TRIGGER WARNING

The first part of this story deals with some heavier mental health issues such as eating disorder and self-harm/neglect. Skip to the first line break if it gets too much or if you are not comfortable reading it.

Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy © to Disney and Square Enix!

Final Fantasy © to Square Enix!

All OCs © to their respective creators!

Chapter 29: Memories

"How did that period of rest go for you?"

Riku leaned back in the chair across from Jiminy. "I felt pretty useless to be honest."

Jiminy nodded slowly. "Riku, for the last few months, you have been running around from world to world, helping everyone look for Sora. And when Kairi went to sleep, it got worse. You need to take some time and rest, come to grips with what happened."

"Sora will be coming back. We will find him. No one is giving up on him… I mean Kairi is sacrificing so much to find him. I-"

The cricket held up a hand. "Coming back or not, you need closure. I had hoped that a month with your family would give you the time to find it. Sora is gone. I know we are working hard to get him back, and closure doesn't change that. But you need to be prepared for the event that there is no way to get him back."

"You're giving up?"

"Not in the slightest. I spent so much time with Sora, and I hope every day that you all find him. But, your mental health can't hinge on this. And if Kairi were awake, I'd be telling her the same thing. And I wish she was… I know he was your best friend, and I know he tried hard to save you. But you need closure. You need to accept the fact that, at this moment, Sora is… dead. You haven't accepted that fact." He sighed. "The fact is, we have had friend and enemies die and come back. And for our friends, it's amazing, but it doesn't always work out that way. We've become comfortable with defying one of the laws of the universe. Each and every one of us is going to die one day. And say we get him back, and then he, Kairi, or anyone else is killed… and there is no way to bring them back? You need to find closure." Jiminy took a sip of tea. "Riku, how many days do you get a full night of sleep?"

"… I… don't…" Riku rubbed his eyes. "I don't sleep."

"How much do you eat?"

"Enough."

Jiminy took another sip of tea. "No one has mentioned it, I bet, but you're looking thinner. You aren't taking care of yourself."

"I'll survive. I did before."

"Before?"

"When Sora was asleep for a year." Riku clenched his fists. "Seeing Kairi asleep, it's like reliving that all over again. But this time, there are no clues… no trails to follow. No obvious Organization behind it that I just have to take down. I feel so useless."

"Which is why you try and help everyone else."

"Yeah…"

Jiminy wrote something down before hopping across to Riku's knee. "Now, look at me young man. You are doing no one good by starving yourself and neglecting your own health. You might be surviving now, but if this is the second time you've done this for an extended period, your body will feel it. You need help. I can't force you to get it, but you do need it. You told me about a psychologist on the islands that Kairi visited. You need to be there. You need help." His voice softened. "Riku, you can't do this on your own. Please, go see that psychologist. There are enough people looking for Sora right now. You need to focus on yourself, and you need to find closure."

Riku said nothing.

"Look, tomorrow is the day of Harvest Nights where people remember those who've passed on. This might be a good time to get some closure. And then… go home. Get the help you need."

"Ok."

Whether he would do it or not, Jiminy wasn't sure.

Riku was always an interesting case, so full of turmoil and trauma. He masked it well under calmness and confidence. He'd become more confident as a Keyblade Master, able to encourage others while still holding his own issues deep inside.

Issue he'd never truly taken time to work through, just painted over with a mask.

A mask that wouldn't hold forever.

"It's kind of surreal to be doing this today…" Xion sat in the garden, the other three, Riku, Naminé, Hayner, Pence, and Olette sitting nearby.

Hayner drank some water. "It's tradition to tell a story about the person, usually a fun one…" No one spoke. "Then I'll go first. The first time we met him, he walked into our hangout under the tracks. He looked so confused, almost like he knew the place but didn't, though I guess that was because of you, Roxas. And," He smirked, "his clothes were WAY too small. His shorts especially, came all the way up to here." He held his hand to mid-thigh.

Olette and Pence giggled.

Even Roxas flashed a smirk.

Naminé giggled also. "That must have been when he first woke up from his year-long sleep. He grew while sleeping."

"Oh gosh, was he wearing those old red clothes still?" Axel chuckled. "They were almost baggy on him before."

Olette leaned back. "I remember him trying to take a photo without knowing how the camera worked. We all stood in front of it, and nothing happened. To be fair, we all had a brain-fart, but he did not understand how it worked at all."

"Oh yeah," Pence chuckled, "and he had no clue what to do with computers. When he was talking to Ienzo, it was pretty clear he had no clue." The three of them giggled.

Axel smirked, leaning back. "I had a number of interactions with him, though many were not the best. I guess… right before my Nobody died. We were fighting a bunch of dusks, back-to-back. It was actually kind of fun. And he was ready to get a little sassy with the comebacks. And when I was fading away… he was genuinely concerned for me. Me… someone who, at the time, had kidnapped Kairi and cause him nothing but trouble. He was still sad to see me go."

Roxas smiled sadly. "I don't think it was one memory, but knowing that he was working so hard to bring me back… Every time, I could feel it, and it made me happy."

"I only met him a few times, but I saw his memories. Memories of joy and sorrow." Xion petted Kosho as the dog came over to her. "I think my favorites were the ones I saw of him and Kairi, and that's not just because they helped shape who I became. They were so warm and happy. Full of love."

Isa glanced at Axel. "I guess my favorite as well is one from when he and I were enemies. Actually, it's probably one of the worst things I ever did to him… but I remember it. It showed me what kind of person he was, and deep down, I was impressed. In the Organization, we managed to capture Kairi after she got away from Axel. I told Sora as much, and asked him to show me how important she was to him. He got on his hands and knees and begged for her."

"Wow…"

Riku's eyes grew wide. "That's a huge thing where we're from. To get on your hands and knees and beg… that's extremely humiliating and he put himself completely at your mercy(1). You could've easily killed him then."

"It made an impression." Isa smiled. "It showed just what kind of person he was… willing to put his life on the line for others, especially the person he loved. I don't think I'll ever forget it. And hopefully, one day I'll get the chance to apologize for putting him in that position."

Naminé wiped a tear from her eye. "I know what you mean… back in Castle Oblivion, I messed up Sora's memories and replaced Kairi in them with myself. It was a terrible thing to do, but even after he found out, he was so kind… he still tried to protect me and cared about my wellbeing. He also cared about the replica of Riku, even though he wasn't the real Riku, and he knew it."

Riku sat for a minute, staring at the ground.

He had many memories of Sora.

The ones that flashed in his mind now were not the happy ones.

He saw Sora on the ground, screaming about how worthless he was. He saw Sora being told that he wasn't ready to save Aqua, and the heartache he felt. He saw Sora being trapped by the Nightmare in the dream worlds.

And then one hit him.

"After I reunited with Sora and Kairi in the World that Never Was, I still felt so much guilt for what I'd done… I asked Sora how I could face everyone after what I did. And that doofus just made a stupid face and said 'like this'." He breathed out a laugh. "He always was good at making everyone in the room laugh." His gaze turned up toward the sky. "Do you really think we'll find him… or is he gone forever?"

No one spoke.

Until Isa sighed. "I hope so, but it's possible he's gone. And, we have to accept that. And all we can do is search for a solution, and if there is none to be found, then we go on with our lives."

Xion touched her heart. "And he's never really gone, no matter what happens. As long as we keep him in our thoughts and hearts, he'll always be here. Right Axel?"

"That's right. Get it memorized."

Roxas laughed. "You haven't said that in such a long time."

"Really?"

"Yeah. But don't worry, we have it very memorized." Xion giggled.

"At least you didn't have to hear that every day for ten years of your life." Isa gave Axel a slight shove.

"Shut up."

Riku smiled.

These four were the best at this sort of thing. They'd lost each other, but their hearts held on to the memories even after they were all gone.

He hoped Kairi, should Sora be gone forever, could do the same.

And maybe, if it came to that, he could too.

"What did you want to talk to us about, Nami?"

Naminé took a deep breath. "I had an idea on how we could help look for Sora."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and it wouldn't be too time consuming or take too much energy. And I can do it from home."

"What?"

The girl patted her sketchbook. "I could try and trace the connections of your memories and hearts to locate him."

Roxas grinned. "You think so?"

"I can try." She bit her lip. "We can schedule times and call each other on our phones. It won't hurt, but I might pry into some memories. So, I wanted to make sure you're alright with it."

"I'm ok with it."

"Me too."

Xion smiled over at the other girl. "Honestly, I've been trying not to think about it, but I really did want to help in any way I could. I just didn't know what to do."

"Well, I can trace the connections. During this time, you two will have to focus your consciousness on Sora as best you can. I don't know if it will work, but it's worth a try."

"Yeah. Are you ok with it?"

"Yes." She clutched the sketchbook. "I want to help however I can, and I want to do some good with these powers after all the bad I did."

Roxas and Xion smiled. "We'd be happy to help!"

"Let's do this!"

"Yeah!"

More of Riku's story will be explored in the Riku and Nami story I plan to write.

Footnotes:

(1) This is based on the Japanese bow, the dogeza, which is similar to what Sora did in KH2.