Bella: Alright, better get this party over with, now that we know we're all going to die by vampire army.
Edward: Aww, come on Bella, you don't know that.
Bella: I thought we established that I do know that.
Edward: No, we only established that that's what Victoria's planning, not that it will actually happen to us.
Bella: *sigh* Whatever, let's just… *enters the Cullen house* …what the hell did you guys do to your house?
Alice: Too much?
Bella: Did you rob a nightclub?
Alice: *eye twitch* …no?
Bella: Alice…
Alice: …just a little.
Emmett: *appearing in the room* Where do you want this?
Alice: Just in the corner there.
Bella: IS THAT A FUCKING DJ?!
Alice: Can't have a party without one.
Bella: Yeah, but he looks like he was about to play at an actual nightclub.
DJ: I was. Where the fuck am I?
Alice: Shut up, we pay better.
DJ: Well, as long as I'm getting paid…
Bella: Where did you steal…
Alice: Borrow.
Bella: …this stuff from?
Alice: …look, they didn't like my fake ID, so…
*meanwhile, in a Port Angeles nightclub*
Bartender: Where the fuck is our…everything?
Jasper: *dashing in* Sorry, forgot something *grabs as much booze as he can carry, then dashes back out*
Bartender: …I need to quit drinking.
*back at the Cullens*
Bella: So, how many people are you expecting at this thing? *doorbell rings*
Alice: Oh, just…a few…
Bella: *opening the door* …define a few.
Jessica: I'm pretty sure half the people here aren't even from our school.
Mike: Or our state.
Alice: Look, do you guys want your high school graduation to be a standard, boring affair, or do you want it to go off with a bucking fonkers party?
Angela: I think you mean…
Mike: Who cares what she means? Let's party *the crowd cheers in response*
*an hour later*
Bella: Are you sure this party was a good idea?
Alice: Yeah, why?
Bella: Because I'm pretty sure there are freshmen here.
Alice: And that's a problem because…
Bella: They're not legally old enough to drink. In fact, neither are the actual graduates, for that matter.
Alice: Eh, it's not like anyone here has connections to the cops.
Bella: My dad is literally the chief of police.
Alice: Correction: it's not like anyone here has connections to the cops and will willing turn us… *suddenly goes blank*
Bella: Uh, Alice? Alice? Earth to Alice *waves hand in front of her face* …well, I'm sure this can't be good.
Alice: *snapping back to reality* Well that ain't good.
Bella: Called it. What happened?
Alice: A date's been set by the vampire army.
Bella: Does it have anything to do with the changing number every minute?
Alice: I don't see how that's relevant.
Jacob: Hi Bella.
Bella: When the fuck did you get here?
Alice: And how?
Quil: Your front door's pinned open due to the sheer number of people here.
Embry: Like seriously, did you need to invite three thousand people to this party?
Alice: Only three thousand? I didn't know I invited two thousand lightweights.
Bella: Alice, it's midnight. Most of them probably went home because they don't live around here and/or are tired.
Alice: Like I said, lightweights.
Bella: Anyway, what are you doing here Jacob?
Jacob: I wanted to give you your graduation present *hands Bella a small box*
Bella: Wow, surprised it wasn't you sexually assaulting me again.
Alice: He did what now?
Jacob: Anyway, we should be…
Alice: Wait.
Jacob: Sorry, but we have to go before Sam finds out…
Alice: Tell Sam about this, I just had an idea about how to take care of those newborns down in Seattle.
Bella: Really?
Alice: Yeah *turns to Jacob* Would you guys be willing to help us stop the newborn vampire army from killing Bella…
Jacob: I don't know, Sam probably won't be okay with risking all the wolves for one single human alone…
Alice: …and potentially everyone else in the state of Washington?
Jacob: Now that he'd probably be onboard with. Come on guys, let's go *leaves with Quil and Embry*
Alice: Wait, I haven't told you when to…ah, whatever.
Bella: Did you really just think of that now?
Alice: Yeah. I mean, after you said he attacked you…
Bella: He kissed me.
Alice: Is that all? Damn, I probably wouldn't have asked him if I didn't think he deserved to die…
Bella: Yeah, but do we really have an option at this point?
Alice: …you're right, unfortunately.