Chapter 33

Bellas POV

"Tell me something I don't know". I didn't know why I'd said those words. Maybe I just wanted to hear someone elses problems to take my mind of my own problems. Edward probably wasn't going to share anything more exciting than some childhood recollection of his. But still, it might somehow help me numb my thoughts about Dan. As I observed Edward in the pale moonlight I could tell that he was racking his brain trying to find something interesting to say. Maybe he would tell me something groundbreaking after all?

"I sometimes dream of having another life", he said at last. At first I was tempted to sigh at his not so original confession, but something about the way he said it made me realize that he wasn't talking about waking up as Justin Bieber one day. "Sometimes I just wish I could live in a normal family with normal people. A mom and a dad, maybe a sibling. A dog", he suddenly continued. Wasn't that the life he was living already? Except for the dog? Or was this a Jasper thing? I pondered what he'd said for a brief minute. Yes, this was probably a Jasper thing. I still hadn't really been able to grasp what it was that Jasper had been up to really, but I'd figured it probably concerned drugs and other illegal stuff. I wasn't about to pry any further, unless Edward wanted me to, but I supposed having a criminal for a brother was more than enough to keep you up at night.

"Is this about Jasper?" I asked, trying my best not to sound like I was prying. "I guess that's part of it. It's a big strain on our family, Jasper being the way he is." Being the way he is? Suddenly I got images of Jasper having been sent to some religious pray-away-the-gay-camp in Denali, but I quickly shook away the images. The Cullens didn't seem very religious nor conservative, so I figured that wasn't the issue. "Jasper being the way he is?" I asked, not being able to contain my curiosity anymore. "Jasper just has a way of getting himself into trouble. And the rest of I might add", Edward said, sounding exasperated. "So yes, that is part of it. But there's more to it. Sometimes I just feel like the odd one out living in the midst of all these couples. I know a lot of the kids at school see us as freaks and I understand them. I'm so sick of being treated like I'm the amish kid at school because of the way my family is. A lot of the time I'm so used to seeing Emmett and Rosalie together that I don't think about it, but then I see all these other kids, being in high school and not living together with their boyfriends and girlfriends and then it strikes me just how weird we are. I like hanging out with my siblings, I mean I love them. But sometimes I'd just like to hang out with someone I don't see every waking hour of the day. Just someone who doesn't know every single detail there is to know about me. You know?"

It was funny in a way. Here Edward was, telling me about how he longed for hanging out with people who didn't know everything about him. And here I was, doing nothing but longing for the one who knew everything about me. Longing for Dan.

"I don't know anything about having siblings, or a big family for that matter, but I can imagine that there are times when you get sick of each other, yes", I said after having contemplated what he'd just confessed. "But there must be a lot of good times too." I hadn't given it much thought myself growing up, seeing as my parents had broken up when I was just a baby, but thinking of it now I kinda wished I'd had at least one sibling to keep me company. "Of course there are good times too, but lately I've been in this mood where I feel like running away everytime I'm at home with my family. It's stupid, I know. But I just have this overpowering feeling that I want to break free of them, if just for a little while." I couldn't really take in what Edward was saying about his family, because to me they'd always seemed like the perfect family. Except for the Jasper thing. And yes, maybe the fact that they were all together was a bit weird but otherwise I considered them being the perfect family. Carlisle being a prominent doctor, Esme being the perfect mother, their children getting along famously. But I supposed all that glittered wasn't gold.

"I'm sorry for putting my burden on you. You don't need to hear this", he said when I didn't respond to his lament. "No, not at all. Really. I don't mind. I find it interesting. Not interesting the way a new book is interesting. Just relatable interesting. You know", I said hurriedly, making sure that my "interesting" didn't come off as me considering his story as gossip or something I enjoyed. Though some morbid part of me actually enjoyed the fact that there was at least one more person in Forks suffering the way I did.

"I know you have a lot on your mind too", he continued. Here we go… "I'm fine not talking about it actually", I answered sharply, making sure that we weren't going to be talking about Dan. "I'm more of a silent brooder", I added, closing the matter further. "I know you don't like to talk. That's fine. I'm just saying that if you wanted to, you could", he said quietly, as if he was trying to calm me. I was calm, wasn't I?

Instead of responding to what he'd said I decided on snuggling closer to him, taking both his and my thoughts of Dan. As I leaned in I could feel him taking a deep breath. At first I thought he was nervous, but then I realized he was breathing me in. I could feel his nose in my hair, inhaling my scent. It didn't freak me out. Instead it made me calm. I wrapped my arm around his waist and leaned my cheek against his neck. How could I even be thinking of Dan Whitaker when I was lying next to this Greek god that smelled like heaven? But I was and it was inevitable. Stupid, stupid, STUPID Bella Swan. Suddenly, as if Edward knew he was battling against Dan inside of my head, I could feel Edwards hand reaching for the bottom of the t-shirt I was wearing. Oh, he was good. Without anyone of us saying a word I could feel his hand moving its way up my thigh, meticulously stroking my skin. Making my heart race. When he reached my briefs he stroked my body, only rubbing the fabric, and I could feel my body responding to his touch. I could sense his fingers sliding the fabric to the side and swiftly he slid two of his fingers inside of me. As I gasped I could feel how he pressed his body closer to mine, still working his fingers deep inside of me. His fingers were slick, moving in and out of me at a rapid pace. Afraid that Charlie might hear us I pressed my face down into my pillow, biting down hard on it.

When I was seconds from climaxing I could feel Edward swiftly sliding down my briefs and then quickly removing his own. As I took a deep breath, relaxing for a short moment, he positioned himself on top of me. I could see him watching me in the dark but I wasn't uncomfortable by the thought. There was something about Edward that made me forget about the awkward part of me. The part that would have been self conscious about lying in bed with a beautiful man I hardly knew. As if asking for my approval he bent down and kissed me. As I kissed him back I could suddenly feel his hard dick against my stomach and I felt my body growing heavy by the touch. Without any further communication he positioned himself between my legs and slowly slid inside me. When he'd reached all the way in he lied down on top of me, slowly thrusting in and out of me. I wrapped my arms arounds his neck, placing my face against his shoulder. As we rocked together in a steady pace, something slowly building up inside of me, the sensation of not having experienced anything similar before struck me once more.

This wasn't an act of wild passion. This was an act of quiet comfort. As he moved on top of me I didn't feel wildly aroused. Instead I felt comforted and calmed by his touch, even though I couldn't deny the sensation that was slowly building up inside me. As he thrust inside me, with a bit more force this time, my thoughts started to fade away. And I suppose his did too because I could feel him moving faster, breathing heavier, though I could tell he was doing his best being a gentleman about it as not to wake Charlie up. When I felt his hand crawling under my t-shirt, reaching to caress my breast, I knew we were headed towards climax and I bit down hard on his neck when he took my nipple between his fingers. That seemed to be all that was missing because suddenly he felt even heavier on top of me and I could feel his whole body cramping as moved on top of me. Feeling him come inside of me was too much for me to handle and now I felt myself getting heavy, losing myself with him. As I climaxed I could feel him making a last effort, using his last forces to pump in and out of me. I could feel my body merging with his, still trying not to make a sound. The last thing I wanted now was Charlie coming in her, finding us like this.

When the feeling had passed and my breathing slowed down I could feel Edward lying heavy on top of me, not moving. I was amazed by the fact that I couldn't hear his heartbeat because I was sure that my roaring heartbeat was filling his ears. But the room was absolutely quiet, except for my heart roaring inside of my body. I placed my hand on Edwards back, letting my fingers walk up and down along Edwards spine. For a long while we lay there, not moving or talking. "You give me a quiet mind", he whispered. "I was just thinking the exact same thing", I mumbled, feeling my body slowly falling asleep.