Bellas POV
"Are you sure you don't want me to take you to the airport this afternoon?" Charlie insisted for the gazillionth time, "I'm sure Edward must have better things to do on a friday afternoon rather than taking you to the airport?"
"Dad, stop", I sighed as I dragged my bag down the stairs and left it in the hallway, "Edward offered to drive me himself. And do I have to remind you that there is only one officer Swan at the Forks police department? What will the kind people of Forks do when their guardian and keeper takes the night off on the only busy night of the week?"
Charlie looked at me and I could tell that he was about to smile.
"Well, I'm just saying that it shouldn't be Edwards job to take my daughter to the airport. Let me at least pay for the gas", he continued and went on to take a zip of his coffee. Charlie had been going on for days about how he saw it as his duty to take me to the airport, even though he was on duty this friday evening and even though Edward has volunteered personally a week ago. But Charlie didn't let it go that easy. I suppose he wasn't used to accepting favors.
"Dad, by the look of the car Edward is driving, does it look like he needs gas money?" I answered as I added another pair of sneakers to my bag. It struck me that I probably wouldn't want to be walking around in sneakers in the heat in Phoenix. Sometimes I felt as if it was just a dream that I'd lived my whole life in Phoenix and that the weather in Forks had somehow managed to brainwash me. Automatically my brain was programmed to expect rain and blizzards now, and I wasn't sure it could be unlearned. I could see myself being that weird kid at Arizone state who always wore too much clothes, even though the sun was blazing.
"I reckon he isn't in need of gas money, no", Charlie said and finished his coffee. He then left the cup by the sink and it seemed as if the topic had ended. "I know you've made it pretty clear in the past that you and Edward are just friends, and you know how great I think that is, but are you sure there isn't more to it than that? I mean, no dad is thrilled about his teenage daughter falling in love, but if I had to pick one here in Forks I dare say that Edward would be the one. I've just noticed you've been spending a lot of time together and you seem pretty happy most of the time. Maybe this is good for you in a way that you just haven't realized yet?"
That was the thing about Charlie. Nine out of ten times he'd be going on about fishing, football and town news but then he'd surprise you the tenth time and say something that really struck a chord.
Being with Edward had initially been a strategy to avoid thinking of what I'd left back in Phoenix. And it had been an effective strategy. Ever since Edward had started climbing my window I'd had no time to lie awake and ponder what had happened between me and Dan. Even the nights when Edward didn't climb my window I found my thought stuck on Edward. I wouldn't go as far as to say it was romantic thoughts, because it wasn't. It was stupid thoughts. Thoughts about how I had to remember to tell him about the time Renee had lost me at Walmart when I was four and hadn't realized that I'd been gone until she'd sat down in the car, suddenly wondering why the seat next to hers was empty. Or the only time in my life I'd been caught cheating at during a pop quiz. Instead on taking my responsibility and following Mrs. Wilfred to the principal's office I'd made a run for it, bolting out of the school and into the streets of Phoenix. I hadn't known at the time that the punishment for cheating would have been a slap on the wrist and a call to my mom. Instead I'd figured the principal would be calling the police and I imagined how Charlie would come down to Phoenix to deliver me to the Phoenix Federal Prison. That story still made my mother laugh and I knew it was sure to make Edward laugh to. They were little things like that. Stories that would make him laugh. Anecdotes that made me appear at least the tiniest bit more interesting next to a guy that had travelled the world. But was I trying to impress him the way a child would by showing off a new bike to her friends? Or was I doing something else?
"Anyhow, it's just something that has been on my mind", Charlie proceeded to say when I didn't respond immediately, probably thinking I was about to give a speech about how boys and girls could be just friends in the 21th century.
"I don't know, dad. Maybe you're right", I said, even surprising myself. Charlie too looked surprised, but then tried to straighten his face, trying not to give away that he was quite pleased with the fact that I'd finally begun listening to his voice of reason. "Even if things turn out that way I'm not sure I'm ready for a new… I don't think I'm ready for a commitment like that again. At least I don't think so." I hoped that was enough to end the matter. I knew how Charlie hated the topic of how Dan had shattered his precious daughter's heart and that would probably be the end of it.
"Of course, of course", Charlie stammered, suddenly his awkward old self again. "And anyhow, if you do decide that Edward is someone you'd be interested in I'd like to lay down a couple of rules around here. I know your mom has had a more… liberal approach to these things. But I think you know I'm not like that. There will be no fooling around under my roof."
I almost laughed out loud at Charlie trying to make sure that we agreed on the fact that Edward Cullen never would be spending the night in his house, the way I supposed he knew Dan had at my mother's house. I wondered what his reaction would have been if he'd known that Edward Cullen was deep into parkouring up my window every night?
"Oh my god, dad. Stop it!" I laughed. "We do not have to have the talk just because I admit to that Edward Cullen does have his fair share of charm. Stop, or maybe I'll start getting ideas you wish I'd never had." Charlie looked as if he was about to gag when I added that last part about getting ideas. "Oh come on, Bella! Don't say things like that. To me you'll always be ten years old and it doesn't matter…"
His plead was suddenly interrupted by the door bell ringing.
"Let's just call it a day on the matter, huh?" I said, still laughing, as I went on to throwing down my phone charger and my lipgloss into my purse.
"Forget I ever said anything", Charlie said raising his hands in a gesture of peace, still looking a bit appalled by the discussion we'd just had. He then went over to the front door and opened it. Outside on the porch stood Edward, an amused smile on his face. As if he'd just heard the conversation that had gone on in our kitchen these last ten minutes. But he couldn't have, seeing as the walls of my dad's rustic house were solid as rocks.
"I'm here to pick up Bella, officer Swan", he said politely and proceeded to shake my father's hand. The way Edward always made his best effort at getting my dad to like him was ridiculous, the way he'd become all polite and well mannered in the bat of an eye. Sure, he'd succeeded in getting Charlie to like him but that was only because Charlie didn't know about our nightly encounters. Had he known I was pretty sure Edward would have been Forks' most wanted by now.
"I really have to thank you for taking her, are you sure we're not putting you out?" Charlie asked, still not able to let go of the thought that Edward in fact hated having to drive me to the airport.
"Not at all, really. It'll be nice to spend some time together before sending her off to Phoenix. And my family have all gone to visit my brother, so this is a much nicer option compared to sitting at home by my lonesome", he added. That was information I hadn't known and I felt kind of bad at the thought of Edward sitting at home, all alone during spring break.
"Well still, you're doing us a real favor. Thank you", Charlie said and proceeded to shake Edward's hand once more.
"Alright then, time to go", I interrupted them and went on to put my boots on. "I think it's time to hit the road now or we'll have to speed to the airport." This was the second time I made Charlie cringe today and I watched him meeting Edward's gaze.
"And of course I would never speed, sir", Edward hurried to say, as if he'd been able to hear Charlie's thoughts, the same way I was hearing them.
"That's all I ask", he said and looked reassured.
A short while later we were sitting in Edward's car, making our way to the airport. Edward had classical music playing in the background and the soft sound of rain hitting the windshield mixed with the music made me relax in my seat. This was yet another quality that Edward shared with Charlie, the way we could be silent together without things getting uncomfortable.
"So what's the first thing to do on your list once you get back to Phoenix?" Edward suddenly said, breaking the silence.
"Um… well, I haven't got anything planned yet really. But I suppose my mom and I will visit some of our favorite restaurants and hangouts. Maybe we'll go to the beach if the sun isn't too strong. The Phoenix sun isn't kind to vampires like myself you know", I said and I could see him smiling about the last thing I'd said.
"And are you planning on meeting up any old friends?" he continued, all of a sudden not sounding all that casual. For a brief minute I just looked at him, trying to figure out how I was supposed to understand his question. Was this Edward being jealous, even though we'd agreed on keeping things casual between us?
When he noticed me staring at him he met my gaze, suddenly looking awkward.
"I'm just wondering if there are some old high school friends that you're planning on catching up with?" he added and fixed his eyes on the road instead as to avoid me.
"What I think you're asking is if I intend to catch up with a particular college friend while in Phoenix. And no, I do not. You know I haven't spoken to him since I came to Phoenix. And I don't want to", I added.
"Um, yes. I guess that is what I was really asking", he added, not sounding relieved but tired. I was confused by the tone of his answer but decided I wasn't going to pry further about his motives.
"Well, I haven't got any big plans but to spend as much time as I can with my mom. You know how much I miss her," I said and then went on to tell him about all the places in Phoenix that me and my mom considered our own. I told him anecdotes about each one of them and how we'd found them originally. But there was something off about Edwards. Usually when I told him things he'd ask questions and laugh at my puns, but now as I was talking the only responses I got were a couple of nods from him.
"And at Grimaldis' the pizza is awesome, but the pasta on the other hand…" I continued, trying to lighten the mood.
"Bella, please!" he all of a sudden blurted out, interrupting me. Without giving any notice he went on to drive the car to the side of the road and stopped.
"I promised Charlie that I'd be a responsible driver, but I don't think I can do that if I don't get this off my chest first. So I'll talk, maybe you'll answer and then I'll shut up and take you to the airport. Okay?" He looked at me intently, his eyes flaming with emotions.
"O…okay", I whispered, trying my best not to stutter.
"I am crazy about you. I have been since day one. I know I was all about "let's keep this casual, no strings" when you first told me you had nothing to offer, and I thought I was. I was at first. But the more I think of it, the more I get the feeling that I'm making a huge mistake here. I know you've got these huge walls up and I'm not stupid enough to think I'll be the one to tear them all down in one day, but I would like to try. If you'd let me and if you feel anything similar to what I feel about you. I've been driving myself crazy thinking I might just be a blankie to you and that I'll lose all importance to you once you start letting go of what happened between you and Dan and I just…"
"Edward, you're not the rebound guy", I interrupted him firmly.
"Oh, I'm not?" he squealed, suddenly sounding confused.
"No, you're not and I'm so sorry if I made you feel that way. By hearing what you're saying I'm not surprised if I did make you feel that way, but you're not. I wouldn't do that to you."
"But then who am I, Bella? Because I'm going out of my mind here not knowing," he asked, sounding hurt and confused all at once.
I could feel my stomach turn at the question at hand. It was pretty much the same question that Charlie had asked earlier this afternoon.
"I don't know yet", I heard myself saying. "I should be smart enough to realize that you still liked me, even though you said we'd keep things casual. I know things are never casual in matters of the heart. I suppose I was just trying to avoid making a choice or promising too much at the time. I'm not sure I have anything to offer, not the way you want it."
I could literally see his heart breaking as I spoke those words.
"Hey, listen to all of what I have to say", I said and reached for his hand. "You want someone who's ready to commit the way you're willing to. I don't think I am that person right now and that is unfair to you. You deserve someone who's all in and who doesn't panic at every act of real intimacy. That being said, I don't want anything to change between us."
He looked at me confused, but still as if he was on the brink of tears.
"I know this makes me a very selfish person, but I don't want to lose what we have. Whatever that might be. I am never as comfortable as I am laying in bed with you, talking about everything and nothing. I'm always thinking of things to make you laugh. I can't imagine surviving biology without you at my side. You've become such an important person in my life since I came here and I've come to the point where I can't imagine Forks without you. I'm just sorry that you came into my life at this shitty time. I'm not sure I can give you what you want."
"What do you know about what I want?", he interrupted me heatedly. "I'm not asking for permission to hold your hand in front of everybody. I'm not asking you to wear my jacket and my school ring. I'd just like you to consider me, for real. You say you can't imagine Forks without me, and that has got to mean something. You have got to let it mean something, because I know it does. I know what Charlie asked you earlier today and I know that can't have been the first time you've considered it. I'm just asking you to consider me."
What he'd just said threw me a bit. How could he know what Charlie and I had talked about earlier on? Had he been talking to Charlie?
"Yes, I was eavesdropping before I rang the door bell. So sue me", he said grumpily. I guess I'd better check my hearing seeing as the walls of Charlie's house were in fact made of paper rather than rocks.
"Um, okay…" I answered, not knowing that to say next.
Edward looked as if he'd given up and went on to lean his forehead against the steering wheel. For a short while we sat in silence.
"I'm sorry, Bella", he sighed at last, still his head against the steering wheel. "I don't mean to put pressure on you. I've just been freaking out this last week, thinking about you going to Phoenix and reuniting with Dan. I know you have every right to do so if you want to, but I really don't want to."
I felt sick seeing him this way. Had I been using him as a blankie? Was he right? I pondered his accusations for a short while. No, I hadn't. Or maybe I had at first, but it wasn't like that anymore. He'd gone from being my lab partner to being my friend to being… whatever it was that we were to each other. It hadn't crossed my mind that he'd been thinking of me getting back together with Dan this spring break. Of course the thought of running into Dan had crossed my mind but I had way too much pride try to get in touch with him and letting him know I was coming to Phoenix. I think a major part of me didn't even want to see Dan again at this point.
"Edward, this is not what this is about. I'm going to Phoenix to hang out with my mom and that's it. I'm not even going to see Dan, and even if I did nothing would be going on between us. I know we aren't exclusive and we've never talked about that, but I would never, and I mean never, do that to you. I'm not interested in Dan. I'm not sure about how I feel about you and me, but I am sure about what I feel about Dan. It's not happening. I need you to believe that because I don't want you to drive yourself crazy while I'm in Phoenix. Okay?"
"Okay. I believe you", he finally said, but still not looking very happy about the talk we'd just had.
"As for the other thing you're asking of me I'm gonna have to ask you to give me some time to think. I wish you hadn't asked me to give you an answer right now, but I understand why you have to. Maybe it's a good thing I'm going away for spring break. It might help me put things in perspective."
"I'm just afraid you'll realize you don't even need a blankie and that you're good standing on your own to legs", he said sounding sad. "I just hoped I could ensnare you with mindblowing sex and a good time."
At this last remark I couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"What?" he said sulkily. "Are you going to critique my skills in that department too? Because I haven't heard you complaining before!"
"Stop being such a baby", I said and leaned over to kiss him reassuringly. I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do in this situation, seeing as he'd just asked me to try to let him love me, but it was the only thing I could come to think of to make him feel better.
"Just say you're going to miss me climbing your window while you're away", he said and gave me another kiss.
"That's just one of the many things I'll miss about you", I said smiling and kissed him once more.