Chapter 41

"You can't hurry love"

Edward's POV

As soon as I'd hung up on her I threw my phone across the room. It shattered into pieces as it hit the wall with a booming thump. I'd have to replace it first thing in the morning. Letting out a long sigh I put my hands over my face and threw myself back on the bed. I tried to regain my composure, but by God, she knew how to push my buttons. Here I'd been looking forward to her returning back home and all the while she'd been reconnecting with her old boyfriend. I felt like an idiot. How could I have been so naive?

But had I really been naive though? The last thing she'd promised me before leaving had been that all of my worst case scenarios that I'd been imagining were unfounded and that nothing was going to happen. So yes, maybe I was a gullible moron, but I'd actually felt like I could trust her words at this point. After all the time we'd spent together during these past months I actually thought that we had a stronger mutual respect. But I guess I was the only one honoring that in the end.

A gentle knocking on my bedroom door interrupted my self-loathing party. I could feel Esme's worried thoughts hitting me like a wall of bricks through the door and I sighed with frustration. Listening in on the rest of the thoughts of my household I was hit by the realization that they'd all heard me being humiliated by Bella. Great, just great.

"No thanks!" I called out. I wasn't in the mood for handling my nosy family tonight.

"I think you'll have an easier time handling your emotions if you…", Esme started carefully.

"JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" I boomed furiously and then proceeded to cover my ears with my hands. Even if I couldn't block out their voices in my head I could refrain from listening to their spoken voices.

I could hear Esme quietly walking away from my bedroom door and even though I was covering my ears I could hear her whispering.

"Will he be okay?" she murmured, a somber note to her voice.

Most of the time my heightened vampire senses were a great asset, but in this moment I ardently wished for having all those senses taken from me. I didn't want to hear my family pitying me, worrying if I was okay. I didn't want my family hearing how I'd been utterly mortified by what Bella had just told me. For once I just wanted some space and privacy, without well-meaning advice being tossed at me.

"He'll be fine", I heard Carlisle answering Esme reassuringly. "I think we've all been together for so long that we've sort of forgotten that falling in love isn't always a straight path. I mean, what Edward is experiencing right now is actually a normal part of falling in love, having to explore possible competition for the apple of one's eye. It isn't strange, even if it is unlucky now that someone has finally caught his eye after a hundred years of solitude."

I cringed at hearing Carlisle referring to my falling in love with Bella. The thought stung me, yet I couldn't deny the fact that that was probably where I was heading. If I wasn't already in love.

"I know, I know. It just breaks my heart that he should have to experience love like this. I know that she's just a teenage girl but I actually thought better of her than treating him like this", Esme answered severely.

Same, Esme, same, I thought to myself.

"We don't really know the details of what has happened", Carlisle countered sensibly . "And she isn't the first person having conflicting thoughts about love. You can't really expect too much out of a seventeen year old girl."

"I suppose", Esme replied hesitantly. "Anyway, I suppose this… relationship they've been having has always been a bit complicated for more than one reason. There's so much that she doesn't know about our family and even if she did have all the facts, how can one really expect for a young girl to make that decision? I don't think any of us would have chosen this life given the choice. How could we really expect that of her? And with the laws of the Volturi, well, it would just be asking too much."

Oh my god, could they make me feel any worse? I could feel all my doubts and anxieties intensifying listening in on their conversation.

Yes, Bella was a fucking Lothario for toying with me the way she did. But what the hell was I really? I'd been lying to her about who I was from the get go and I wasn't even close to considering letting her know who I actually was. What I actually was. Here I was sitting on my high horse, judging her for being completely honest about her past and who she was, when I told her nothing but lies.

"So are you done having your pity party?" Rose scoffed as she came barging into my room, taking a seat on my couch. My self-pitying had distracted my senses and I hadn't noticed Rose making her way to my room, ready to give me her two cents.

"This fucking family…" I growled, but I knew that it was pointless asking her to leave. Rose always did what she felt like and she wasn't as empathetic as the rest of my household. She'd speak and I'd have to listen, whether I wanted to or not.

"You are such a pushover when it comes to love, Edward", she said with a belittling tone. "So what if you've got a little bit of competition? The guy lives across the country and she hasn't spoken to him in months. She told me. This was just a slight lapse in judgment on her behalf. Big fucking deal."

She stared at me with a mocking glare and then went on without waiting for my response.

"The only thing you've accomplished today is pushing her further away. Your competition is an eighteen year old college guy who probably couldn't afford the plane ticket to get here. What is it that you're so threatened by? You are here everyday, in her face, all the time. You're the one she falls asleep next to and wakes up with every morning. Yes, we all know where you go when you sneak out at night", she added condescendingly when I cringed at the mention of Bella and I sleeping together.

I knew that nothing passed unnoticed in this family but I still felt that Bella's and my sleeping arrangements were something intimate, not to be shared with the rest of my household.

"You've got to be pretty dumb to not realize that this means something, even if it might not be a straight ticket to love", she went on,

I knew she had a point, several actually. But I refused to acknowledge that she might be right about some things when she came bursting into my room, preaching to me about my relationship with Bella.

"Are you done?" I barked at her, gesturing at the door for her to leave.

"No, I've actually got a couple of things left that I'd like to get off my chest while we're at it", she carried on. " Firstly, this jealous, clingy thing you've got going has got to go. You're going to scare her off if you keep smothering her the way that you do. If you want to prove to her that she should be choosing you then you've got to show her what an amazing guy you can be. What you're doing right now is not amazing and it isn't convincing her that you're the right choice for her. You will not be texting her clingy texts 24/7 and you will not be forcing declarations of love down her throat just because you are insecure about yourself."

"Secondly, the competition that you're so afraid of is a nobody. Just let it go and pretend he doesn't exist. You can be jealous and brooding for all you want when you're by yourself, but when you're hanging out with Bella this Dan-nobody doesn't exist. You are not threatened by him and you will pay no attention to him. You will never meet him and he isn't really an issue."

She paused.

"Thirdly, and most important, you will check yourself and shape the fuck up ASAP. Bella's indecisiveness is giving YOU a whiplash? Well, I'm pretty damn sure that your let's be friends, let's be lovers-bullshit is giving her a whiplash too. I want this girl to become part of our family someday and you're ruining it. This could be this great thing for all of us and you're ruining it."

I was momentarily dumbfounded by Rose's third argument. Rose had always been pretty adamant about the fact that this wasn't the life she'd chosen for herself if she'd had the choice and I was surprised by the fact that she'd wish this life upon Bella.

"I really like Bella too, but if you keep shitting all over this you're going to lose her. We are going to lose her. And I'm not having that", she demanded.

I shot her an irritated look. Still, there was no way in hell that I'd admit to that she was right about what she'd just said. She'd never stop gloating if I did.

"Yes, she fucked up. She hurt your feelings. But from what I heard she didn't kiss him and she didn't reciprocate, even though she could have, taking in regard her conflicting feelings for this guy. She's coming home tomorrow and she isn't going back to Phoenix anytime soon, so the ball is in your court right now. This is your chance to make her forget all about that nobody."

"So what, I should just let the fact that she broke my trust slip? That she totally disrespected the fear that I'd expressed about her going to Phoenix?" I demanded furiously.

She stared at me arrogantly.

"You are not her boyfriend, Edward. You've got zero claim to her. Yes, perhaps she broke your trust, but she doesn't really owe you anything. Right now you're just a guy that she's sleeping with and you chose that. She was very upfront about the fact that she probably wouldn't be able to give you what you wanted and you went ahead and pursued her anyway, against your better judgment. You made this bed and now you get to lie in it", she answered callously.

I knew she said all of these things out of love for me, but did she have to be a total bitch about it? I was accustomed to Rose's savage manners, but this was harsh even for her.

All of a sudden I heard my Ipad make a sound. Thank god that I'd synced my Ipad with my phone. Before I had the chance to dodge her, Rose dashed across the room, demanding to see the message I'd just received. Her intrusiveness annoyed me, but I went ahead and opened the message anyway.

You have every right to be angry with me, but I just want you to know that I'm so, so, so sorry about what I did. I really want to see you tomorrow when I get home, even if you probably don't want to now. I know I messed up, but I've missed you. A lot. I'm sorry for being the way that I am and that I couldn't bring myself to tell you before, when I should have told you everyday I was away. Please don't give up on me.

I could feel my heart soften reading her words, picturing her angst as she'd written them. Even if I couldn't entirely shake my previous anger, her message managed to restore a bit of hope in me. Hope that we might be okay after all.

"I told you so", Rose gloated. "That's a girl who's got feelings for you."

"Oh fuck off, Rose", I groaned and read Bella's message once more. Please don't give up on me.

"You really think so?" I then asked, anxiously looking at Rose for reassurance.

"I know so. The question is only if she knows she does, or if she's as thick as the guy she's falling for", she scoffed confidently.

I rolled my eyes at her. I was done with her being condescending.

"Well, this has been great. Now will you get the fuck out of my room, please?" I growled and threw a pillow at her with full force, making her topple over with a yelp.