Chapter 48

"I wanna dance with somebody"

Edward's POV

"You can't tell her. It's way too soon", Rosalie said firmly. "You'll scare her off."

I'd gathered my family to discuss the matter of letting Bella in on our secret. I had known that their reactions would not be altogether positive, but I'd still been surprised by their general skepticism. I'd figured since I'd heard them all thinking happy thoughts about me finally finding someone that they'd be on my side in this and that they would comply. But as soon as I'd conveyed what I wished to do I'd been met with hesitation and disbelief. The only one who'd appeared to be positively inclined was Emmett. The rest of them had regarded my request with doubt and apprehension.

So yes, I had been somewhat disappointed by their reactions. I'd expected another outcome than the one I was receiving right now. However, I knew that Rose was right. Even though Bella and I were close and talked about almost everything, this was different. This wasn't as simple as telling her that listening to Culture club was one of my guilty pleasures.

By the way, Bella, I'm a vampire. Just thought you should know.

Hey, Bella. Guess what? I'm 104 years old.

And speaking of, did you know that I could injure and possibly kill you if I ever lost control of myself in your presence?

Yeah, that wouldn't be creepy at all. I sighed heavily and buried my face in my hands.

"But there will never be a right time to tell her. That's the thing", I finally said resignedly. "There will never be a time when she won't be totally freaked out by the fact that I'm a fucking vampire. There's no getting around that."

"He's got a point there", Emmett concurred. "Hell, what's the worst thing that could happen?"

I raised my eyebrow at him. Well, probably the same consequences our kind had faced since the ancient times. Tarring and feathering and possibly a stake through the heart.

"Think for once, Emmett", Rose groaned before I got the chance to say anything. "I'm just saying that it's a lot to take in for anyone. Even for a girl who's obviously in love with you."

I felt my heart skip a beat at her words and I had to stop myself from smiling. Was this only an assumption by Rose or had Bella in fact told her something that I wasn't aware of?

Rose smirked at me, as if she was reading my thoughts.

"Oh, snap out of it, loverboy. Do you really think she'd tell me before telling you? God, for someone who can read people's minds you sure are slow," she mocked and shook her head. "Anyway, isn't it obvious?"

I made a sour face at her for being condescending and she rolled her eyes at me in reply.

"Come on you two", Esme intervened firmly. "Be nice. I know that it must be hard for you to lie to someone that you've become so close with, Edward. However, Rose does have a point. You wouldn't only be risking your own secrets. They are ours too. You'd be risking our entire family if things went wrong."

"Would any of you really miss Forks though? If things went wrong and we had to leave in a hurry, what exactly would you miss about this place?" I asked heatedly, my words more of a challenge than a question, while staring boldly at Esme.

It wasn't a secret that Forks didn't have much to offer in the area of entertainment and that we'd chosen to move here mostly because of the few hours of sun, which granted us the ability to move freely in the daytime. We'd discussed moving to one of the bigger cities on numerous occasions since we'd all been periodically bored to tears by living in such a small town with so few amusements. When we'd moved here we'd all been longing for the freedom to live in the daylight, but as the years had passed we'd all become painfully aware of how monotonous small town life combined with eternal life could be.

"I for one would like to be able to plan and choose voluntarily when to leave Forks", Carlisle suddenly spoke. "It may not be a very exciting life we've created here, but it is a life. I've worked hard for the position I have at the hospital."

There he was, the eternal voice of reason of our family. But I knew he was right. Maybe our life here was just one of the many lives that we'd been living together this past century. It was probably one we wouldn't remember very much of in another hundred years. But it was a life and I knew that Carlisle and Esme both had been working hard to make a life for our family here.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I'm sorry for being selfish", I said gloomily and looked down at my feet, embarrassed by my impulsive behavior and crudeness.

"I know this is new and exciting for you and I'm happy that you finally get to experience this. Don't get me wrong. But the world has changed a lot in the past years. It's not as easy for us to remain anonymous as it was twenty years ago. We have to be very careful with our secrets", Carlisle said seriously.

I nodded in assent to what he'd said.

"And what's more, where do you stand on the question of making Bella one of us?" he continued.

"That's out of the question", I replied fiercely and looked straight at him, "I could never do that to her. I would never want that for her. I could never ask that of her."

He examined me thoughtfully.

"If that's where you stand then all the more reason why you can't tell Bella about us. If you don't plan on making her one of us then you're exposing her to great danger by telling her. I don't think I have to remind you of the fact that the Volturi are watching our every move and they would love to find a reason to pay us a visit. I don't even want to think about what they would do to Bella once Aro understood that she's in on our secret", Carlisle said resolutely, and at the same time eliminating every hope I'd had of telling Bella about us.

"They can never know about her. Ever", I spoke heatedly.

"Sooner or later they will know about her. It's inevitable. Nothing gets past the Volturi, you know that. The only thing we can hope for is that they respect the fact that she's unaware of our true nature and that they'll leave her out of it", Carlisle replied frankly.

Like the Volturi would ever pass up on an opportunity of forcing us to finally join them.

"They won't leave her alone", Rose spoke, her voice tense and unhappy.

Carlisle shrugged resignedly at her words, probably knowing that there was nothing he could say that would convince us otherwise. We'd all been witness to the ruthlessness of the Volturi and how far they were willing to go to get what they wanted. They would stop at nothing.

"So what are you saying? Because all I'm hearing is that it seems that I've damned her either way. Telling her means that she'll be left with two choices - either being killed by the Volturi or to become one of us, which also leads to her death. Or I can choose to not tell her and hope that they'll leave her alone, although they most likely won't, so it's more like I'm giving her a death sentence without a set date. I'll also have to keep up the facade, so she'll never know who I actually was until it's too late. On the bright side she won't have enough time left to start hating me once the Volturi finds out. They're usually swift about these things", I spoke bitterly.

They all stared at me, not knowing how to respond to what I'd just said. They all knew I was right.

"Why don't I get a choice? Why doesn't she get a choice? No matter what I choose I feel like someone's already chosen for me. And what's more, she gets no say in this at all. If I tell her she has to choose between two kinds of death and even if I don't tell her this will probably lead to her death. It's like I damned her the day I set eyes upon her. Fuck!" I screamed, consumed by the utter hopelessness of the situation.

It wasn't as if I'd never pondered the possible outcomes of our relationship before. This wasn't news, really. But this was probably the first time I'd truly grasped the fact that there would be no happily ever after for Bella Swan and I. Here I'd been going on about her ex-boyfriend for the past months, as if he was the one who was going to wreck our relationship, when I was the one who had the entire vampire royal family breathing down my neck, just looking for an opportunity to tear my family to shreds. Compared to the Volturi Dan was a fucking drop in the ocean, believe it or not.

I suddenly felt Esme squeezing my shoulders gently and then stroking my hair.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way, honey", she spoke gently as she stroked my back, "I wish things could have been different."

I shrugged as I looked down at my feet, feeling the tears trickling down my cheeks. I could count the number of times I'd cried in the past hundred years. I rarely cried. However, this was most definitely something worth crying over. I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand, but they were soon replaced with new drops pouring down my face.

Rose suddenly stood up from where she was sitting and came over to wrap me up in her arms.

"It'll work out somehow. It will", she whispered, barely audibly, as she patted my back.

"But what am I supposed to do now?" I croaked desperately and hugged her tightly, "Am I just supposed to keep pretending like I'm human and then one day everything will end abruptly once the Volturi finds out? I can't live like that. I can't do that to her."

"I never thought I'd say this, but here it goes. You really can't imagine making her one of us? Even if this was your one chance at happiness? You really couldn't imagine doing that?" Rosalie inquired while looking at me inquisitive .

"I don't know. No, I don't think I could do that to her. I don't want this for her. I can't be that selfish", I sobbed violently, still hugging her tightly.

"But you could see yourself without her in a hundred years? Because you know that's what's going to happen eventually. Even if it is by the hand of the Volturi or the passing of time, if you don't make her one of us you'll have to part ways eventually", she continued, her voice gentle but insistent.

No, I couldn't picture that. Even though it had only been a couple of months I couldn't imagine going back to living the life I'd had before her. Just thinking about that there would be a last time when I got to see her wake up in the morning made my chest ache. It was unimaginable

"No, I can't", I sniveled, "But that doesn't mean I get to be that selfish. Just because I'm a freak doesn't mean that I get to decide how she's going to live her life. I want her to have all the things that I can't have because of what I am."

Rose hugged me tighter.

"You know I'd never choose this life for anyone else. Sometimes I feel bad about that I chose this life for Emmett, even though his only other option was death. But when I think about the alternative, a life without Emmett, I know that I would do it all over again if I had the choice. I'd make him one of us in a heartbeat. Because living forever without him wouldn't have been living. It would have been a meaningless existence, not a life", she spoke earnestly. "I just want you to think very closely about what you're casting aside by so readily determining that Bella could never be one of us."

I nodded vehemently, not knowing what more to say.

"Damn, babe. That's deep", Emmett said, sounding evidently shocked by the seriousness of the situation.

I caught Rosalie shooting him a faint smile in response to his reaction.

"Nothing is written in stone yet", Carlisle suddenly spoke. "This is all very new to all of us and I think we'll all have to figure this out as we go. But for the time being the Volturi don't know about Bella, as far as I know. Time is highly relative to our kind and it might be years before the Volturi bothers us again. Who knows, maybe they've found another highly talented coven to bother for the next century or so?"

I smirked at his witty remark. The Volturi had spent the past fifty years or so oscillating between courting and harassing our family. I doubted they'd change their focus anytime soon.

"What I'm saying is that I think you should enjoy this experience and make the most of it for as long as you can, even if it is a question of days or years. There's no knowing with the Volturi. Why not make hay while the sun shines? Get to know each other better, go on dates, go to prom together, take a hundred pictures, kiss her a thousand times - create memories together. Explore this high school experience and give yourselves some great memories to look back on. Make the most of this time and maybe you'll find the decision to be a bit easier once you have to make it. Maybe you'll find that you do want her to be one of us. Or maybe you'll find that you can imagine yourself without her in a hundred years", Carlisle urged.

Yeah, like spending more time with Bella would ever make me think that. If anything I'd become even more obsessed with her. That was the only possible outcome as far as I was concerned.

"I still don't want her to become one of us", I said sullenly.

"That's your choice entirely", Carlisle complied. "Whatever happens with you and Bella, we'll face it together as a family. And regarding the Volturi, we'll cross that bridge when and if we get to it. There's no point in worrying about them now. Alice will warn us if she sees anything change. There isn't anything more we can do about them now."

"If they come, you have to promise me that you'll help me protect her. You all have to promise to help me", I demanded and looked around in the room.

Emmett nodded decidedly in agreement.

"Of course we will, honey", Esme consented and Carlisle and Rosalie nodded too.

"Of course we will help her if they come", Carlisle agreed. "But until then I think you should focus on the good things and try not to worry about this."

"So I should try to ignore that I'm lying on a daily basis to the girl I'm crazy about? I know that's probably the best thing to do right now, but I don't know how long I can keep this up. I want her to know me. The real me", I persisted.

"And one day maybe she will. But it's not now. She's a 17 year old girl and you've only known each other a couple of months. That's too much to ask of one person. You'll just have to have some patience and trust in the fact that things will work out eventually", Carlisle insisted. "One day in the future perhaps we'll have a dinner where we'll talk about this with Bella. But for this Friday I insist that it should be Bella's first dinner with her boyfriend's parents, not Bella's first dinner with her boyfriend's vampiric family."

"Yes. You're right", I agreed quietly.

I'd spent the days that followed wondering if I was doing the right thing keeping Bella in the dark about my true nature. But every time I considered the possibility of telling her the truth I shuddered at the thought of how that also meant risking her life. I was already risking her life on a daily basis by just being around her. I didn't need to involve the royal family of vampires too.

The dinner Friday night with Carlisle and Esme turned out even better than expected and I could tell that they were doing their best to pose as my very normal and ordinary parents. I was moved by the fact that Esme had bothered to cook instead of ordering food. Human food smelled horrible to our kind and on top of that it wasn't as if she could taste the food to determine if she'd cooked it right. But she must have gotten it right since Bella helped herself to a second serving and also complimented Esme on her cooking. As we dined I could hear thoughts of approval from the minds of Carlisle and Esme and I was pleased to know that they seemed to like her too.

Even though Carlisle and Esme had posed as my parents in the public eye for decades now, it wasn't quite the relationship we had with each other in the privacy of our home. Yes, Carlisle was the head of our family, mostly due to the fact that he was the eldest of us, but when it came to making decisions for our family we were all equal. Bearing this in mind I was moved by the fact that they went out of their way to act as if they were my parents.

As I offered to drive Bella home after dinner I could hear Carlisle's voice resonating in my head.

She's wonderful, Edward. I'm so happy for you.

I smiled at his words and nodded slightly in his direction. His words rang in my head as I drove her home and I had to fight the urge to blurt out everything I was feeling in that very moment. She was wonderful. She was intelligent, kind, beautiful, she gave me a quiet mind - she was everything I could wish for and more. She would be a great addition to our family. A great addition to my life, I thought to myself blissfully. Should I really be denying myself this happiness?

Unfortunately she'd caught on to my wistful state of mind and started pressing me for answers. I once more pondered the possibility of telling her the truth about me before quickly abandoning the thoughts. I just couldn't, no matter how much I wanted to. It wasn't fair to her and I wasn't prepared to handle whatever her reaction would possibly be. Not now.

However, there was another question that I'd been mulling over all week. It was trivial really, in comparison to what I actually wanted to tell her. Still, trivial or not, it would serve its purpose to end Bella's curiosity this evening.

It's a simple question, I thought to myself as I stood below her window. It was a very simple question compared to telling her that I was a vampire. This shouldn't even be hard for me. What was the worst thing that could happen? I snapped out of it and then proceeded to swiftly climb the tree that led up to Bella's window. As I reached her window I saw that she'd already gotten into bed. Her hair lay splayed out all over her pillow and her face was stripped clean of makeup. She looked lovely.

Without hesitation I swiftly slid open her window that was slightly ajar and then proceeded to climb inside. She sat up in her bed and smiled at me when she saw me.

"Hey you", she said happily, smiling at me.

"Hey you." I smiled back at her and she patted the bed, gesturing for me to join her.

She didn't have to ask me twice. I quickly walked over to turn off the light and then scrambled to take my clothes off. As I approached the bed she lifted the covers and I happily complied. As I was shifting to make myself comfortable next to her she raised herself up on one elbow, slightly leaning over me. I could see her eyes on me in the pale moonlight, studying me and taking me in.

"So? Do I have to evict you or are you going to ask me whatever it was that you wanted to ask?" she demanded teasingly.

I rolled my eyes at her curiosity and sighed.

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that? Sure, I'll tell you, but the question I was going to ask is off the table when you're being such a pain", I grumbled annoyed.

She rolled her eyes and then stuck out her tongue at me.

"Watch it, Swan. There's better use for that tongue", I warned her boldly.

I instantly smiled at her heart beating faster at my cheeky suggestion. I then gathered my courage. It was now or never.

"So, I know this is probably not something you'd typically do and you're obviously completely free to say no if you don't want to", I spoke nervously.

She smiled at me daringly and raised an eyebrow.

"Are you going to suggest that we do something naughty, Edward?" she said, smiling devilishly at me as she ran her fingers along my neck.

I shivered at her touch but then composed myself.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Bella", I admonished her.

She laughed quietly, but then went silent, waiting for me to speak. Here goes nothing, I thought to myself.

"Well, as corny as it sounds, I wanted to ask if you want to go to the junior prom with me. And yes, I suspect that this is not something that you'd normally do and you can say no if you don't want to. It's just that I've never been to a prom and I'd like to know what all the fuss is about", I hurried to add, my voice anxious and slightly trembling.

For a split second her face went blank, unreadable, and I felt my heart skipping a beat. Well, not literally, but the feeling was still there. Then her face suddenly split in a big smile and she leaned in to give me a quick kiss.

"Yes, I'll go with you", she agreed happily and kissed my forehead. She looked blissfully at me, her eyes sparkling.

"You will?" I croaked, surprised by her answer. Maybe I was being prejudiced but nothing about Bella hinted at the fact that she seemed interested in shallow things like prom.

"Yes, of course. Why do you sound so shocked?" she answered, sounding amused.

"You just don't seem like the kind of person who'd enjoy a high school prom."

"I mean, sure, I'm not wild about the thought of taking corny pictures and dancing to mediocre music. But if that means I get to see you dress up in a fancy suit and that I also get to watch Jessica Stanley drool after Mike Newton all evening while his only goal is to spike the punch, then I'm here for it. I'd love to", she said cheerfully. "How could I refuse such a simple request? If my prince wants to go to the prom, then we'll go to the prom", she added teasingly.

"Thank you. I lo…", I started eagerly, but then interrupted myself, shocked by what I'd been about to say to her. Was I losing my mind this evening? "That means a lot to me", I added shrilly.

I hardly dared to look at her, but when I finally did she smiled happily at me. It seemed as if she hadn't understood what I'd almost blurted out. I drew a sharp breath of relief.

"Just promise me you won't force me to wear a corsage. And no limousine. I don't know if there are any limousines in Forks, but if there is one I'm positive that I don't want to ride in it", she demanded gleefully.

"No corsages and no limousines. Copy that", I replied happily.

She smiled blissfully at me and gave me another soft kiss on the lips. She smelled so good and I breathed her in as she leaned over me. Her silky hair tickled the side of my face and her bare arm connected with my bare shoulder. Was it even possible to be this happy?

"So, have you ever been to prom?" I asked curiously. I was pretty sure I already knew the answer, but something in me still forced me to ask.

"I have", she said shortly, not offering me any more details.

"With Dan?" I asked, trying to sound casual, even though I was eager to know every little detail. It was still a new sensation being around someone whose mind I couldn't read. I was used to getting every little detail just with a simple question, but with Bella I always had to ask about every little detail to get the full picture. It had its charm, but it was also an inconvenience at times. Especially when I was being nosy.

"Stop it, Edward. You're only going to open a can of worms", she said, looking firmly at me.

"I'm sorry", I mumbled apologetically. Why did I always have to be such a masochist when it came to Dan?

"We went to his senior prom together last year, if you must know. End of story", she said matter of factly.

"Alright then."

We remained silent for a brief moment, until I decided to change the subject.

"So, have you talked to your mother lately?" I asked gently.

"Um, yes. Well, we've mostly been texting. Our communication has been a bit off since spring break and I don't really think any of us knows how to go back to the way we were. I'm sure we will eventually though", she answered as she slowly ran her fingers through my hair, making me shudder.

"Of course you will", I assured her.

She nodded while pursing her lips together. I could tell that it was bothering her.

"Are you going to visit her in Phoenix this summer?"

"Yes, I suppose I should. I know she expects me to. She's asked me to come stay with her for a couple of weeks", Bella answered absent-mindedly.

"Weeks?!" I blurted out before I was able to stop myself. How was I supposed to last several weeks without her? Just the thought of it made my head spin. And seeing as Arizona was one of the sunniest states in the US I couldn't very well offer to come visit her there either, not without blowing my cover. My hands were tied.

"Relax, Edward", she said gleefully and looked intently at me , "I'm obviously not going to Phoenix for weeks. Don't you realize I'd miss you way too much? I'll make an appearance for a week or so, at most, to please Renee."

Her words made the corners of my mouth twitch involuntarily and I leaned in to give her a kiss.

"Sometimes you're very dense", she sighed and rolled her eyes at me. "Did you really think I was going to be able to go to Phoenix for weeks?"

"I don't want to stop you from doing what you want…", I started, but she shut me up with a kiss.

"What I want is to spend my summer here in Forks with you, preferably never getting out of this bed if I can help it", she said once she released me from her kiss. She smiled lovingly at me.

"That sounds like heaven", I breathed barely audibly as I let my fingers tread along her spine.

"It's a deal then", she said, sounding pleased and pressed another kiss against my forehead.

"It's a deal", I murmured blissfully.

"But back to our earlier topic - you do realize you've just invited a girl with two left feet to the prom, right?" she said mockingly and smiled at me.

"You don't have to tell me twice", I replied teasingly, "But I consider taking you to the prom as a kind of voluntary community service. I've always been very passionate about helping the disabled."

I'd barely finished my sentence before she reached to pinch me and I resorted to hiding under the covers to evade her and to mute my roaring laughter.