Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.
A/N: Finally into the mountain pass! Lots to come!
Following the Footsteps of Destiny
Chapter 335: Winter Wraiths
Makiya 'Mickey' Takaishi
Net, Northern Hemisphere, Digital World
Treading carefully through the snow with Celestimon held securely in his arms, Makiya Takaishi blinked as something cold and wet suddenly landed softly on the very tip of his nose. It was subtle, and yet the touch of such a tiny snowflake still startled him more than he was willing to admit, and glancing at the thick clouds hanging ominously in the sky, he couldn't help but wonder if maybe they were making a serious mistake by attempting to traverse through an oncoming storm to reach his Spirit Chip.
Not like it matters now. Even if we did decide to turn back, it wouldn't solve anything. It would just delay the inevitable...
"Mickey, are you okay?" Celestimon asked, sounding anxious. "Why did you stop?"
Caught off guard, it took Mickey a moment to answer, and realising what the rookie angel had said, he quickly picked up his pace again and gently scolded, "You're supposed to call me Matty, remember? We don't want our enemies to overhear us and figure out the truth too early."
"I wasn't talking that loud," Celestimon protested, wiggling his ears. "And besides, they're not that close to us. There's no way they could possibly overhear our conversation."
"DarkAngelicmon and the other fallen angels might not be right on our heels, but what about a digimon like YukiOnnamon? We don't want to take any chances."
"And here I was thinking I'd get a break from being reprimanded all the time," the little rookie grumbled, burrowing against him for warmth.
"I heard that!" Matty shouted in response from a little further ahead.
Somehow, Mickey managed a small smile, and hugging the little digimon tightly to his chest, he winced as another snowflake landed directly between his eyes. Although it was still fairly early in the morning, the sky was dark and gloomy, and judging from the flurries that were starting to spiral more consistently through the air, the impending blizzard was likely going to hit them just as they reached the mountain pass. On top of that, the moment they had left the village, Celestimon and Halomon confirmed that DarkAngelicmon and their other enemies were following close behind, but that wasn't even the worst thing about their current situation.
The part that really bothered him was the fact that despite how close their enemies were, there was absolutely nothing they could do about it.
It's not like we can hide or escape from them. As long as we have our celestial digimon and they have their fallen angels, they'll find us no matter where we go or what we try to do...
"Keep up all that bickering back and forth and nobody will be able to tell the difference, even us," Sam joked, smiling in amusement.
The raven-haired Digidestined had been walking close beside him ever since they left the village, and blushing, Mickey mumbled, "We're not bickering."
After all, the last thing he wanted to do was give Celestimon even more reasons to possibly resent him in the future.
If he knew I've been deceiving Matty this whole time, I wonder if he would still feel the need to protect me...
It was a depressing thought, and stroking the little rookie's fluffy ears, he hugged Celestimon even closer to his chest. More than anything, he didn't want the celestial digimon to think any less of him, but at the same time he knew Celestimon had every right to be upset. The little rookie deserved better, just like his partner, and if Celestimon did decide he didn't want anything to do with him anymore, Mickey knew he had only himself to blame.
The thought of losing him hurts just as much as losing Matty. How can either one of them ever forgive me for deceiving them?
"Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" Celestimon asked, lowering his voice before hugging him tightly around the neck.
Mickey could see his partner watching him curiously over Matty's shoulder, and swallowing a huge lump in his throat, he managed to mumble, "I'll be okay as long as you stay with me."
"Of course I will!" Celestimon insisted, the determination in the little rookie's tone making him feel slightly better. "I promise I won't leave your side!"
But what if you can't help it? What if you have to? What if...you hate me after all of this...
Mickey could sense Sam watching him, and judging from the look on the raven-haired Digidestined's handsome face, he felt pretty certain the other boy knew exactly what kind of thoughts about Celestimon were running through his head. That much was obvious, and as a result, he started to feel even more self-conscious.
It's like there's a neon sign hanging above my head screaming in bright lights what a liar I am...
"Is that water up ahead?" Takara suddenly called out, her voice floating towards the back of the group.
Caught off guard, Mickey halted for a second time, and squinting through the falling snow that was steadily growing thicker, he caught a glimpse of what looked like a raging river rushing through a break in the thick trees running along the edge of their snowy path. Up ahead, the wide road started to narrow between the rocky cliff walls that appeared to rise up suddenly out of nowhere, and shuddering at the fearsome sight, it was all Mickey could do to prevent a terrified whimper from escaping his mouth.
Such a cold and desolate landscape. I bet the river eventually connects to the ocean at some point to the west of us, but in the opposite direction...
"Is that the entrance to the mountain pass?" Dai asked, raising his voice to ensure his words didn't end up getting lost in the swirling snow.
Without really thinking about what he was doing, Mickey quickly moved to gather around Izzy with the rest of the Digidestined, and nodding his head at the opening between the cliff walls, the computer expert said, "Yes, that's exactly what this is. The road will get wider again once we pass through the entrance, but as we feared, the weather is starting to get worse. Visibility will likely be poor, so make sure to keep your wits about you. As long as we stay parallel to the river, we'll be heading in the right direction."
"Now would be a good time for Sam, Mickey, and Matty to pull out their Digivices," Mina added, her steady words helping to calm the atmosphere a little. "Their connection to the Spirit Chip might be the only source of light we'll have. We'll need to use that light to our advantage if we don't want to get lost along the way."
The river to the east. It ends at the Glacial Waterfalls. It's going to lead us towards nothing but darkness...
"Make sure you all stick together," Ken warned, his serious tone and the direction of his sapphire gaze indicating he was speaking specifically to the younger members of the Digidestined. "If for any reason anybody does end up getting separated from the group, seek shelter from the storm if you can and stay there until we can locate you using the signals on our Digivices."
The thought of being separated from Sam and Matty absolutely terrified him, and sensing his distress, Sam leaned into him and murmured softly in his ear, "Don't worry, I'll be right here beside you the whole time."
Sam...
Blushing in response, Mickey kept his eyes averted and whispered, "Promise?"
"Of course, and don't you dare even think about wandering too far from my sight. Got it?"
The raven-haired Digidestined's husky tone was enough to send his heartbeat into overdrive, and trying not to stumble over his words, he managed to say, "I-I won't."
He's so close. I can feel the warmth of his body even without touching him. I wish we could stay like this the whole way...
Matty must have been having similar thoughts because all of a sudden the younger twin moved to join them and said firmly, "Don't think you can sneak away from me either. You better stay where I can keep an eye on you. I don't want you ending up somewhere all alone and stranded."
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Mickey somehow managed another small smile, and shaking his head, he said, "I have no intentions of sneaking off on my own. If anything, I should be more worried about you trying something like that."
"Hey, not true!"
"To be fair, you're usually the one who ends up getting separated from the group over Mickey," Halomon giggled, nuzzling the younger twin's cheek.
They both want to protect me, but I want to do the same for them. If anything were to happen to Sam or Matty because of me...
Feeling like he should say something, Mickey quickly wrapped an arm around his brother, but before he could open his mouth, Ryoko said, "I assume now that we're at the entrance to the pass, DarkAngelicmon and the others are going to follow us into the mountains?"
It was Celestimon who answered, and scrunching up his face in concentration, the little rookie said, "I think so. Now that we're no longer moving, they've stopped moving with us. It's like they're waiting to see what we'll do next. I bet once we've started to make our way through the mountain pass, they'll follow along until they make their move."
"Whatever move that might be," Alopemon snorted. "We have no idea when or where they're going to strike, so we'd best be on our guard."
"I was about to say maybe we shouldn't actually use the light from the D-Coders as a guide because that would give us away, but then I remembered it won't matter because they have angel digimon with them," Dai groaned, throwing up his hands. "Ugh, can't we for once have an advantage over the bad guys?"
"The best thing we can do right now is just concentrate on making it through the mountain pass without any hiccups," Rosa replied, brushing snow out of her dark hair. "The rest we can worry about later."
"If they let us," Gotsumon grumbled.
Mickey couldn't agree more, but despite his depressing thoughts, he figured it was probably best to keep his mouth shut for now.
They're all worried about me enough as it is. I don't want to make them worry even more. Or worse yet, I don't want them to grow suspicious about what's really going on in my head...
"Well, there's no turning back now," Embermon spoke up, doing his best to sound positive. "We might as well get this over with."
"Let me go first," Frigimon offered. "I'm sure the storm will really start coming on strong once we enter the mountain pass. If you all stay behind me, I can at least block some of the wind."
"Mina and I will join you at the front with our partners," Izzy offered. "That way I can monitor our location with your assistance. We'll have Matty, Mickey, Sam, and their partners follow behind us so we can keep an eye on the direction of the light their D-Coders are projecting, and everyone else can follow at the back. If we stick to this formation, we should be able to keep track of where everybody is."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Tentomon agreed. "Shall we get going then?"
Mickey wanted to say no, but obviously that answer was out of the question. Instead, he took his position behind Frigimon and the Izumi couple, and passing through the cliff walls indicating the entrance to the mountain pass, it was all he could do not to turn around and run in the other direction. The fact that his parents were following close behind him with Ken and Yolei was obviously intentional, which left the rest of the group to bring up the rear.
As they started through the narrow pass, Glowmon said, "I don't know if it will make that much of a difference, but I'll use my light to help! It might not be able to guide us to the Spirit Chip, but it'll at least provide a little warmth and help us to see each other!"
"You're amazing, you know that?" Sam said, smiling at his partner and hugging the little rookie close. "We'll take all the light we can get."
Mickey had to agree, and watching his step, he proceeded to follow after Izzy and Mina. The path was not only narrow, it was also icy, and looking up, he anxiously studied his surroundings with a sense of uneasiness that was slowly building inside his heart. On both sides, the cliff walls were so high they seemed to disappear into the sky, and the only reason they were even able to traverse the path at all was because of Frigimon. As they walked, the large digimon took extra care to wade a path through the snow for them, but even clearing the way didn't help with the ice that was hiding beneath the wintery landscape covering the road, hence why they still needed to watch their footing. Somewhere on the other side of the cliff to their right, the river was still steadily flowing out of sight, and straight above them, the snow was falling in heavy chunks.
The snow seems tame for now, but once the path widens, I just know the wind will pick up. When that happens, we won't be able to see hardly anything...
"Keeping warm?" a voice suddenly asked, nearly causing him to slip in surprise.
Grabbing onto Sam's arm to maintain his balance, he turn back to look at his mother and said softly, "So far. I don't like these high cliffs, though. They make me feel...claustrophobic."
"Same," his father agreed, smiling slightly. "Maybe that's because some of my previous experiences in the mountains weren't that great."
"Are you talking about Infinity Mountain and what happened to me?" Patamon asked curiously, glancing down at his partner.
As always, the little rookie was sitting on top of the golden-haired Digidestined's head, and nodding, the older man said, "That's the main reason, but it's not the only one. We've had our fair share of trials when it comes to mountains. Definitely brings back a lot of memories. Some good, some not so much."
"We still have't forgotten what happened with Dai's Spirit Chip either," Ken sighed, exchanging a look with his wife.
"Don't even remind me," Yolei groaned, shaking the heavy snow out of her long braid. "This better not be a repeat of that."
I'm sorry, Yolei. I can't make any promises...
The guilt must have shown on his face because Hawkmon suddenly gave him a look and said mildly, "Something wrong?"
Mickey immediately turned red, and ducking behind his brother, he mumbled, "No."
"I hope not," Wormmon replied, sounding unconvinced.
Not that I blame him. I was anything but convincing.
Making it very clear she didn't believe him at all, Gatomon let out a loud snort before leaping into her partner's arms, and watching him closely, his mother said gently, "If you need us, we'll be right behind you."
"That includes us," Gatomon said firmly, using her paw to gesture at herself and the other digimon. "Don't forget to pull out your Digivice."
Realising the D-Coder was still in the pocket of his coat, Mickey quickly pulled it out to gaze at the screen, and as the orange light filtering from its surface streamed down the path up ahead, he found himself feeling somewhat comforted by its warm glow. A moment later, the light from Matty's and Sam's Digivices joined his own, and reaching out to pull him into a hug, his father said quietly in his ear, "Stay close to Matty and Sam. That's all I ask."
Mickey nodded, and hugging his father back tightly around the waist, he whispered, "I'll try."
Thankfully, the rest of the group was tactful enough not to comment, and as they all proceeded to head down the path again, Dovemon called out, "Watch out for the ice!"
At first, the journey was fairly uneventful, which allowed him some time to be alone with his thoughts. Every once in a while, Sam or Matty would reach out to catch him from slipping on the ice, but even his embarrassing mishaps weren't enough to stop him from delving deep inside his own conflicted mind. The more he thought about the kind of person he was becoming, the more it made him wonder if there could ever be a chance that Sam would love him in return. Surely nobody could bring themselves to care for a liar.
How can you love someone who does nothing but keep secrets? How could you have feelings for someone who's deceiving the people who are most important to them? I don't deserve your love. And Matty...He deserves a better brother...
"Careful!" Matty scolded, grabbing his arm to hold him steady. "How many times now have you almost fallen? Could you do me a favour and pay attention to where you're placing your feet?"
Avoiding his brother's eyes, Mickey mumbled, "Sorry, it's not always easy to see where the ice is."
"Yeah, but you've slipped more times than Sam and I combined."
"Now's not the time to let your mind wander," Sam said quietly, frowning in obvious concern.
Clearly, Sam had guessed to a certain extent what was going on with him, and gently pushing away from Matty, he said meekly, "I know that. I'm not doing it on purpose."
"I didn't say you were, but that doesn't change the fact that you're getting distracted."
"Which is dangerous right now, by the way," Matty added. "Save it for when we're resting. Somewhere preferably warm and dry."
"But-"
"Look, if you can't pay attention to what you're doing, at least hold my hand," Sam interrupted, having apparently lost his patience.
For a moment all Mickey could do was stand there with his mouth hanging open, and eventually finding his voice, he gasped, "You don't have to do that. I'm-"
"No, I don't," Sam agreed, grabbing his hand and giving his arm a tug. "But I'm doing it anyways. Come on, let's keep moving."
Is he...angry?
If it wasn't for Ryoko suddenly colliding with his shoulder, he might have stood there forever while stupidly blinking snow out of his eyes, and stumbling as his golden-haired cousin made an attempt to keep them both standing upright, Cody called out from the back of the group, "Is everything all right?"
"What's the holdup?" Armadillomon asked, pushing his way through the snow for a better view.
Somehow, Mickey managed to keep his footing, and still holding onto Sam's hand while trying to keep a tight grip on Ryoko's arm, he gasped, "Sorry!"
"Why did you stop?" Ryoko complained. "I just barely saw you in time, and even then it was only because of your D-Coder. Don't just stand there blocking the road like that. You're lucky we both didn't end up suffering from a pretty hard fall."
At this point, Mickey felt throughly embarrassed, and realising he was now the centre of attention, he somehow managed to squeak, "It was an accident! I'll pay attention next time."
"Sure you will," Matty snorted.
Squinting through the flurries, Mickey could see his parents and Sam's parents watching him with raised eyebrows, and painfully aware of the fact that Sam was still holding tightly to his hand, he made a weak attempt to pull his fingers free. Despite his admittably pitiful efforts to get away, the raven-haired Digidestined refused to let go of his hand, and feeling a sudden warmth at his back, Mickey twisted around to see Candlemon smiling sympathetically at him from only a couple feet away. Judging from the fact that the fire digimon wasn't alone, Frigimon and the others must have backtracked to see what was keeping the rest of the group, and tilting his head to the side, Candlemon said, "Standing in one place is only going to make you feel cold even faster. Luckily, Glowmon's not the only one who can provide a little warmth. If you need me, just let me know."
Everyone's being so nice and supportive, but I don't deserve it...
It was such a small and simple gesture, yet even so Mickey still felt his eyes start to sting a little bit, and taking a deep breath, he responded in a grateful tone, "Thank you, I'll keep that in mind. It wasn't my intention to hold everybody up. My balance doesn't seem to be the best today."
"That's fine, just take your time," Izzy instructed. "Are you okay to continue on?"
Mickey nodded, and as he turned back around, Ken gave him a look and said calmly, "You might want to take Sam up on his offer. Better you hang onto his hand if you feel unsteady on your feet."
Huh? Wait, is he...encouraging me to get closer to Sam?
Even more surprisingly, the raven-haired Digidestined didn't appear the least bit bothered by his father's comment. Instead, Sam continued to gaze calmly at him without any sort of definable expression overtaking his handsome features, and quickly letting go of Ryoko's arm, Mickey blushed before scurrying after Izzy's group in utter defeat. The raven-haired Digidestined followed without comment, mostly because he didn't exactly have a choice in the matter, and blinking in confusion, Celestimon said from his arms, "What just happened?"
"Don't ask awkward questions," Matty butted in, looking very much as if he was trying desperately not to laugh.
In response, Halomon let out a loud giggle, and squeezing his fingers, Sam said dryly, "Mind slowing down a little?"
There's no way he doesn't know something's up. With all the comments everyone's making, how can he not have figured out the truth by now?
The fact that the raven-haired Digidestined might have some inclination about his true feelings was enough to make him feel slightly sick to his stomach, and reminding himself that Sam wasn't attempting to get away from him, he slowed his pace a little and said softly, "Sorry, I just...the teasing is a bit much right now."
"Stop apologising for every little thing," Sam murmured, coming up beside him and leaning in close to his ear so they wouldn't be overheard. "It doesn't bother me, so why should it bother you?"
"You're also not the one receiving most of the teasing."
"True, but I kind of like it when they tease you about me."
What!?
For a moment, Mickey didn't know what to say, and feeling the raven-haired Digidestined's warm breath ghosting across his ear, he squeaked, "What does that mean?"
"Nothing," Sam said lightly, pulling away and giving his hand another squeeze. "Come on, we don't want to hold everyone up again. And don't walk too fast. If you fall, we'll both take a tumble, and as much as I enjoy being close to you, that would likely end up being a painful experience for both of us."
"More like awkward," Mickey mumbled without thinking.
He hadn't actually meant to say those words out loud, and glancing at the raven-haired Digidestined, he anxiously bit his lip to keep any more stray thoughts from escaping his mouth. At first, he wasn't sure if Sam had overheard him, but his hopes were dashed when the raven-haired Digidestined smiled slightly and said, "Not for me, and it shouldn't be for you either."
With that, Sam proceeded to nudge him down the path, and growing acutely aware of Matty's eyes on them as they all shuffled along to catch up with Frigimon, Mickey figured it was probably best to let the subject drop for now. Truthfully, he had no idea what was going on, and as a result he felt more than a little confused and disoriented.
What exactly was Sam trying to convey with all of his almost dismissive comments?
Is he just...playing with my mind? No, Sam would never do that to me. I'm only thinking those things because I believe I deserve to be treated like that. There must be another reason...
Without any answers, Mickey contented himself with remaining silent as they continued down the icy road. True to his word, the whole time Sam didn't even once let go of his hand, and as the morning carried on, he felt himself shiver as the wind picked up. The only warmth he could count on was Sam's fingers and the Digivice glowing in Celestimon's hands, but both sources simply weren't enough to combat the upcoming blizzard. Since his own hands were full, Celestimon had offered to hold the D-Coder while he held onto the little rookie, and as the orange glow streaming from its shining surface cleaved a path through the flurries, Mickey thought he saw something moving up ahead that wasn't a member of the group.
Am I seeing things or is there someone there?
"The path widens just up ahead," Izzy announced, pausing to give everybody a chance to gather around him. "Unfortunately, it looks like the storm gets worse once we leave the narrow pass, so we all need to stick together as best we can. Halomon, what's the situation with DarkAngelicmon and the others?"
"They've definitely entered the mountain pass now," the little rookie confirmed, his ears wiggling in concentration. "I can't tell exactly how close they are, but they can't be too far behind."
"I'm surprised they didn't come at us while we were still stuck in that narrow passageway," Takara commented. "Less chance of us escaping."
"But also less chance of them being able to nab somebody," Cody countered. "With no room to move around, we could have easily blocked them from trying to separate us."
"That's true," Hawkmon agreed. "Do you think that means they'll try to move in on us once we exit the mountain pass?"
"That's definitely a possibility," Mina answered. "Not only does the general area expand, but there are also paths leading to other locations within the mountains. It would be much easier for them to make off with somebody and quickly escape down any one of those other roads, especially since all of them eventually do lead to the Glacial Waterfalls at some point. Plus, visibility will be low, making it that much easier for them to try something without us noticing until it's too late."
"Was that supposed to be an encouraging pep talk before we storm the Glacial Waterfalls?" Dai joked, smiling in amusement.
"More like a word of caution before we begin," Izzy replied, giving his wife's hand a squeeze. "If we're ready, we'll head out now and see what the weather's like. If it's really bad we can always find a place to warm up before continuing on."
As far as Mickey could tell, everybody seemed satisfied with that plan, and taking a deep breath, he followed the rest of the team towards the exit to the mountain pass, which loomed ominously just up ahead. Just as he was about to pass through the rocky walls, he caught a glimpse of something peeking over the edge of the cliff on his right, and glancing up, he managed to swallow a startled gasp just in time before it escaped his mouth.
It was the violet glow of the eyes that had caught his attention, and as the shadow stared down at him from the edge of the cliff, he found himself unable to look away from its burning gaze.
And it wasn't the only one. All along the high bluff on both sides of the road, there were shadows crouching along the edge of the drop-off, their taunt bodies ready to spring to the ground at any moment. There were even shadows crawling along the rocky walls, their slender bodies displaying a bizarre combination of grace and an awkward clumsiness that was a cross between jerky limbs and rigid movements. Despite the heavy snow, Mickey could tell they were all focused on him, and staring in horrid fascination, he wasn't sure how to react. Despite the ugliness on display, there was also a strange beauty surrounding their dark bodies, especiaily because the snow didn't appear to have any effect on them. In fact, the white flurries weren't touching their bodies at all. It was like they were just falling through and continuing their path to the ground uninterrupted.
Is it because the shadows haven't fully manifested themselves yet? Am I what's holding them back?
"Matty? Hey, Matty!"
Even though it wasn't his name, Mickey turned to address the anxious voice, and choking back his fear, he said gently, "I'm okay."
"At least you remembered to respond to the right name," Sam sighed before wrapping an arm around him. "Now that our enemies are close, you better make sure you keep it up."
"And you all have to remember to call me the right name."
"I know, that's why I addressed you the way that I did. What's up?"
Unable to take his eyes off the shadows, Mickey said slowly, "Nothing, I just...thought I saw something."
"DarkAngelicmon?" Sam asked, an edge to his tone.
"Another fallen angel?" Matty asked, overhearing their conversation and moving closer to put a hand on his shoulder.
Mickey shook his head, and attempting to remain calm, he said, "No, I'm pretty sure that's not it."
"What then?" the younger twin demanded.
They're not moving, just like before. This whole time they haven't made a single attempt to hurt anybody. Are they just keeping tabs on me until my resolve finally breaks?
The truth was likely something along those lines, and attempting to reassure his twin, he said gently, "It's probably nothing. All this snow is twisting my perception of the landscape."
Though he didn't look convinced, Matty said, "If you say so."
If you knew what was really going on, I know I wouldn't be able to stop you from doing something risky.
As the younger twin turned away to address their parents, Mickey leaned into Sam's shoulder and said quietly, "Hey, do you see anything?"
Gazing back down the snowy path they had just traversed only moments ago, the raven-haired Digidestined said slowly, "No, I don't. Am I supposed to?"
"No, that's good. I'm...glad."
If he can't see them then that must mean I haven't lost control of myself just yet.
"Mickey, talk to me," Sam insisted, reaching out to take both of his hands. "What's really going on?"
Mickey could hear a spark of fear in the raven-haired Digidestined's voice, and wanting desperately to show the level of his affection, he leaned in close to bring their foreheads together. As the shadows continued to watch him obsessively from a distance, he ignored Sam's surprised gasp and whispered, "Nothing can harm me if you keep me safe."
Don't let me forget myself. If I lose my way, that will be our reality. They'll come for us like wraiths in the snow, seeking to steal our light.
Sam looked like he was about to respond, but before the raven-haired Digidestined could break the spell that seemed to have descended upon them, Mickey quickly slipped away and proceeded to turn his back on the shadows. Though he had no proof, something was telling him if he lost his way, whatever was hiding deep within the Glacial Waterfalls would only fuel the darkness that was already attempting to chip away at his resolve. If he gave up completely, he knew with a certainty he couldn't explain that he would lose Sam.
And if he lost Sam, there would be no hope of saving Matty. They would all become victims of the shadows, and at the heart of it all, he would be the one to blame. There would be no chance of saving his relationship with his brother, and there definitely wouldn't be any chance of winning Sam's heart. Was he truly willing to risk either one of those things becoming a reality? Was he really that weak?
No, I can't give in. I have to keep holding them back no matter what it costs me...