Chapter 33
Break
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or its characters, only my own OC's, Energy Magic, and Ideas
.:+:.
"You'll need to be careful from here on out. It seems a lot of the damage has faded and healed rather well, and quickly so, after what 'Time' did- but you need to be mindful, and watch yourself. The moment anything feels even remotely amiss, you will have to quit what you are doing and come see me as soon as possible. And you will need to take these every day." Porlyusica murmured firmly, handing off a glass jar full of magenta colored pills toward Frea standing in front of her, both of them in the Old Lady's home in the East Forest and mid-afternoon light filtering in through the window.
Frea blinked, her eyes falling to the glass and taking it slowly, scanning the little spherical medicine for a moment and thinking it rather similar in appearance to the medicine Master had to take... Not surprising, she supposed. Since it was the Old Man's heart that called for the medicine, and now her own heart was the cause for these.
She let out a silent sigh before looking back toward Porlyusica, and the Old Woman gave her a rather stern and unyielding stare.
"I do not want to hear you argue about it, or complain- you will take these every day, understood?" Porlyusica huffed lowly, "I will make more and have them ready for you when this bottle runs out. I know how many pills are in there, so don't think you can fool me and skip any doses." She muttered and Frea nodded slightly.
"I understand, I won't skip any days..." She murmured,
... At least not intentionally.
She didn't say that part out loud though, there was no point riling Porlyusica up.
Besides, she had promised to be patient, and let the Old Lady do everything she had to, to make sure she was as healthy as can be again. Though grant you at the time of making that promise there had been no expectation she'd heal as quickly as she had- you know, healed as completely as was possible in literal minutes, and by Time... That entire exchange was still something of a mess, and touchy subject to think about or try and mull through. And Frea had been doing her best to mull through it on her own time, in small bursts as not to get too sucked into it- and kept mulling now about a week passed the entire Adgnei fiasco.
After the night where Time had made it's nearly unthinkable appearance, and set the Guild, herself, and all of Adgnei forward enough to nearly nullify all the damage done- Frea and the Guild (minus Aisha and Chase, who elected to stay and settle the political issues) had come back to Fiore and Magnolia the following morning. With there being little the Guild could help with in terms of repairs, and there being no incentive to stay on the part of Frea's health, they did not linger long. And in reality the Guild- and Frea especially- were more than ready to head home and get as far away from Adgnei as possible.
So they went home, and mostly everything sort of started to get back into something of a rhythm that hadn't been there for awhile now. The Guild had started to ease up a bit on the way they'd all mostly stayed away from taking too many, or any jobs at all after what happened with Mordren- and now there was a sort of steady flow of people in and out, working, living. Nobody was ever gone for very long, but they weren't hovering as much either... Not that Frea herself had been allowed to go on any jobs herself, and she didn't push it- regardless of feeling fine now.
In a way, the entire week had started to feel almost normal, but it wasn't quite so- since she'd spent all of it stuck around Magnolia, assuring everybody she was fine, and constantly going back and forth between Fairy Hills, the Guild Hall, and here to Porlyusica's home.
Porlyusica had been very diligent in making sure Frea was as she seemed, and actually alright. Though the damage done to her body and her heart had lessened and repaired quite a lot after what Time did, the damage was still there and could act up again- which is what Porlyusica, and the whole rest of the Guild were worried about.
So, Porlyusica had been doing test after test, having Frea do certain things- brawl, run around, use Magic in various ways- all to get a gauge of how much she could handle and what she couldn't. There wasn't anything in particular that had been too much really, no instances where it got hard to breath, or her heart started to get way too fast, none of that... Not that a lack of anything bad happening helped to lessen the amount of lectures Frea had been receiving the whole week through, and instructions and orders too. To which, these pills were the latest, and hopefully last thing that the Old Lady was instilling in the sort of new normal Frea would have to get used to.
Porlyusica nodded a bit to the promise not to skip any doses, her hands falling on her hips and going quiet for a moment. Her eyes locked to Frea almost pensively for a few heartbeats, and then trailed away to the side and a table full of vials and whatever else sitting there, the older woman seemingly biting the inside of her cheeks now. Frea blinked as she felt a little flash of apprehension spark off the Old Lady suddenly, though she wasn't quite sure what for...?
Porlyusica growled a bit under her breath, turning toward said table and stopping there, her hand falling slowly on top of a little leather case, but halting without picking it up- and at that, the apprehension got suddenly paired with uncertainty, causing Frea to tilt her head a little.
"... You are technically healthy. Even the lasting minor wounds and a bit of the internal damage from Mordren are gone now, along with the worst of all the other wounds you sustained in Adgnei... You are fully healed now, and as completely as you can ever be again. Even with it being in such a short time since what went on... Your body isn't in a state where, normally, you wouldn't be allowed to get back to work and your day to day." Porlyusica said at length, quietly so. "... There is no medical reason at this point you can't be cleared for work again... But I would rather you wait awhile longer regardless. And if you do insist on doing anything, you need to be extremely cautious, and take things slow. Do not jump into something difficult headfirst, regardless of how you feel or what level of skill you are." The Old Lady murmured tensely and Frea stiffened faintly, biting the inside of her cheek and her silver eyes flashing as her shoulders sank a little for the way the older woman's voice got a little hushed all of a sudden.
... she's worried...
Frea glanced away from Porlyusica and toward the window, her shoulders sinking a little more and eyes glittering.
... everybody's worried... I can't blame them I guess... but...
"... I don't mind sticking around town for awhile longer, Porlyusica." The Energy Dragon Slayer said softly and at the length, the words making the Healer stiffen slightly in surprise. The older woman's head snapped up and around toward the blonde, Frea's eyes steady on her for a moment and so utterly calm.
"I understand what you're saying, and I will take things slow, and not rush into anything, I promise. But for now, I really don't mind sitting still for a bit... I think everybody would do better if I did that anyway. I don't wanna worry anybody in the Guild more than they already are." Frea murmured quietly, her eyes dropping from Porlyusica and into the pill bottle in hand again.
... I don't wanna push anything, and make anybody any more wound up than I already have... so I can sit still, even if I hate doing that.
"... I told you I was willing to be patient, and I meant it. Even if at the time both of us weren't anticipating a sudden and super fast recovery because of Time... I'm still willing to be patient, even now." Frea told her softly, her eyes falling closed and letting out a small sigh. "... It'd be nice to get back to work and some semblance of normal again, but right now I have other things to mull through anyway, so I don't mind taking more of a break. And I especially don't mind much at all, because the Guild needs a break from constantly worrying about me too." She added quietly and Porlyusica glanced back toward her slowly, red eyes narrowed slightly at the response, and the one she really hadn't anticipated at all.
She'd expected Frea would have been itching to go out and do something, and maybe she was- but to so readily agree to remain in town for a little longer? And mostly as a way to stop everyone from worrying?
The Old Lady's shoulders fell a bit, her face doing the same as she glanced away from the younger and to the leather case her hand was still hovering on top of.
Porlyusica wondered faintly what Frea meant by having 'things to mull through', too- but she wouldn't press the subject. And she was sure even if she tried, Frea probably wouldn't really want to answer, and that was fine. The Old Lady didn't mind not knowing, because at that moment she was happy enough with the relent to waiting longer before Frea went back to work, and the promise to take things slow. Even if the agreement to the idea was still a little surprising, Porlyusica wouldn't question it too much, so she simply let it be.
"... Alright." The Old Lady murmured, picking up the case she'd set her hand on and stepping back across the room toward Frea. The Energy Dragon Slayer blinked her eyes open as she did, immediately taking note of the case in the Old Lady's hand and quirking a brow faintly as the older woman held it out for her. "I agree you taking a break is probably wiser, and you taking things slow when you decide to get back to work again as well. However long you wait is up to you, but in anticipation for you going off again- I want you to take this with you whenever you plan to leave the town." The Old Lady told her steadily and Frea paused half a second, before taking the case with her free hand.
"What is it?" Frea mumbled,
"There are a few vials of a Potion Talarr and I worked on inside of it." Porlyusica replied, Frea perking slightly for the name of the Ilaen she'd left behind in Adgnei (and rather apprehensively on the man's part). "In the event you ever find yourself away from Magnolia, and your heart starts to give you trouble, or act up like it did- taking one of those Potions will hopefully save you from having your heart get to the point of giving out on you entirely. The Potion will lower your heartrate, and help to increase blood flow and oxygen to your other organs. The effect should be rather quick, and quick enough to stabilize you again, if it should come to something like that." The Old Lady explained lowly, her expression twisting ever so faintly for a moment. "I hope the time never comes where you will have to take one, but in case it does, make sure you always have these with you, alright? And if you have to take one, you'll need to rest plenty afterwards. There is a rather strong sedative mixed in with these potions, so you'll likely lose consciousness soon after they take affect. And I wouldn't expect it to wear off completely for several hours, or even a day afterwards." Porlyusica added and Frea nodded faintly,
"I understand." She murmured, "And I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, Porlyusica."
... And thank you too, Talarr...
"Hmmph." The Old Lady huffed slightly as her only reply, her arms crossing over her chest while Frea pulled her hand and the case more in toward herself.
With the handing off of the medicine and the rather brief lecture of that morning compared to the days before it- Frea said her goodbyes to the Old Lady and headed out the door, with Porlyusica grumbling something sort of like a goodbye behind her as she stepped out.
Frea busied herself with putting the pill bottle and the potions case away in her bag as she moved down the steps leading out of the tree-home, most of her attention on doing that- though she was very aware of who was waiting at the bottom of the stairs in the midst of it. She'd been aware of him being there outside the house since shortly after entering it herself, though he'd not actually chosen to come in, and instead just elected to wait there and listen from outside.
Speaking of him; he'd been around the last few days on a constant loop, generally sticking off to the side along with Moon, and a few other people that rotated out each day- but he was always there. He'd made a point of being, and mostly he'd said little of anything during all the tests and whatever Porlyusica put into motion. He mostly just waited, listening to everything the Old Lady had to say, and watchful for anything that might go wrong, or what have you. But whether he made a point to be there on his own, or if Porlyusica had asked him to be on hand- Frea wasn't entirely sure... And she also wasn't sure it mattered either. He'd seemed intent the last few days to stick close regardless of what she was doing- and honestly?
She really didn't mind it much, the constant being around. It was a little like hovering, which usually that would have agitated her, but she... She didn't really feel the hovering irking her. It only made her a little weary, since he probably had better things he could be doing with his time. But even still she didn't argue, or protest, and she didn't mind it much, if really at all.
Frea's eyes moved up from fiddling with her bag just as she got to the last step, her attention finding Laxus where he was standing off to the side a bit. She shot him a slightly apologetic look as their eyes matched, the Energy Dragon Slayer pausing on the bottom of the step for a moment.
"You didn't need to come all the way out here today, we're done with all the tests and stuff." She murmured and he huffed slightly,
"I got that." Was the short reply and she sighed quietly for it, while he quirked a brow. "... So you're taking a 'break', huh?" He asked lowly, and she smiled faintly, and for only half a second.
"Eavesdropper." She hummed lightly, earning a small grumble from him, though only just- since her voice was nothing but soft and not at all scolding or anything of the like. Frea shook her head a bit, stepping off the last step and pulling her bag onto her back, before starting back across the clearing with Laxus quick to follow at her shoulder. "Hmmm, I figure taking a little bit of a break from going off and doing anything will work better for everybody... Plus, if the amount of arguing I had to do last time is any indication- I am very sure even with Porlyusica clearing me for work, everybody in the Guild won't let me go out just yet anyway." She sighed, her silver eyes shifting sideways toward him, their gazes matching. "And I do have other things I wanna do in the meantime that don't involve going out of town or anything." She added quietly and he quirked a brow again at it, but Frea seemed to wilt a little at the questioning stare she got from him, her eyes shifting back ahead and breaking the eye contact.
"... Some of it has to do with all the rest of that stuff I never got around to telling you." She explained softly, her voice dropping a bit and Laxus reflexively stiffened at it. Frea let out a low breath, her eyes falling to the forest floor and shaking her head slightly. "I will get around to telling you soon, but for now I'm gonna try and tackle something else." She told him quietly. Laxus' eyes narrowed slightly, before he let out a low breath and looked away.
"You don't gotta tell me anything any sooner than you want to." He mumbled lowly and she smiled faintly,
"I know." She hummed quietly, and he just let it be.
"Where's Moon?" He asked, changing the subject slightly and drawing attention to the lack of the Exceed where she'd been fairly well glued to Frea like he'd been. The Energy Dragon Slayer sighed slightly for the question,
"She went to go get Juvia." Frea replied and he blinked, head tilting.
"Juvia?" He grumbled, Frea nodded once.
"Mhmm." She hummed, "I wanted to catch her before I left Fairy Hills this morning, but she was already gone. So Moon went to go get her instead, and I'm going to meet them now." She explained and he blinked again, which she was all too aware of and she bit the inside of her cheek, grumbling slightly. "... I've been sort of avoiding Juvia... And I think she's noticed." Frea grumbled quietly, Laxus' eyes narrowing for the words while Frea hooked her hands behind her neck with a heavy sigh, her head tilting back and eyes falling closed as they continued to walk.
"... I really don't mean to, but I can't stop myself from getting all... Tense, whenever she's around, and I catch her scent." The Energy Dragon Slayer mumbled softly, gritting her teeth a bit and shoulders hunching a tad too. "... Damn it... Even being in the back of the Guild Hall and in the courtyard by the cliff-side sets me on edge now, just hearing the ocean outside or smelling it... It's just like with Juvia and I can't... Quit..." She hissed and Laxus' face fell a little, Frea's hold on the back of her neck growing all the more rigid as she grit her teeth harder.
"... Tch, it's annoying the hell out of me. I don't wanna be so tense about something so stupid...." Frea growled lowly and Laxus grimaced slightly at the words, though she never saw it. "... grraah... and I can't let it make me avoid Juvia either, that's not fair on her." She kept on lowly, and Laxus paused, seemingly debating to himself for a moment, before shaking his head faintly.
"So you're planning to tell Juvia about it then?" He asked slowly. Frea blinked her eyes open at it, the tightness of her hands on the back of her neck lessening, but her shoulders hunched a little more despite herself.
"... Yeah, I don't think there's any way for me to explain why I've been so on edge around her, without telling the truth." Frea mumbled softly, her eyes flashing as she seemed to chew on the insides of her cheeks. "And I'm kinda hoping that if maybe I get myself used to being around her, and get used to her scent, and her Magic too... the whole thing might bother me less." She added lowly, her shoulders falling and shaking her head as she seemed to wilt a little. "... I hope so anyway..." She mumbled under her breath, her shoulders sinking a bit more while her eyes glittered. Hints of tension and uncertainty made their way into her gaze and expression both, and Laxus bit the inside of his cheek for it, watching her quietly from the corner of his eye for a few seconds and again looking like he was debating something.
But he stopped, again, and looked ahead once more, gritting his teeth and grumbling silently to himself- but nothing else, and silence fell between them both soon afterwards.
They said nothing else for awhile, but simply kept walking and making their way slowly from the heart of the forest and back in the direction of Magnolia beyond. And the quiet itself was sort of content... but not all the way really, there was some amount of tension on the air they both felt, but for their own separate reasons, and neither Frea nor Laxus commented on it.
In reality, Frea was much too lost in her own head to have noticed any amount of Laxus' own tension beside her- it just got drowned out by her own apprehension, and the way her stomach was in knots at the prospect of what she was headed toward. She felt like she was headed into something dangerous, her body bristled with every step further she took toward town, and some part of her wanted so bad to just stop, turn around, and not do it... but she had to do it, she couldn't back out, or let this irrational sense of unease take control and rule over better judgment.
I have to face this... get over this, I can't keep acting this way about it, damn it.
But hell if her stomach didn't knot so tightly it was starting to make her feel a little nauseous.
Laxus frowned, his eyes narrowed to slits and watching Frea from the corner of his eye in absolute silence. He stayed silent all the way through the trees, though he could see the subtle rigidity creeping into Frea's figure as her muscles began to tense more and more, even as imperceptibly as they did. He saw it in her face too, subtle hints of unease getting the tiniest bit clearer, the way her jaw clenched as she started to grind her teeth- all of it, and he huffed under his breath.
"Frea."
Frea staggered slightly to a sudden halt, Laxus' voice and the sound of her own name snapping her from her thoughts. She blinked, turning toward him in surprise and a little unsure as to why he'd decided just then was the right time to break the silence...?
Laxus came to a halt as soon as she had done the same, his expression mostly neutral, gaze steady on her, unflinching- and she blinked at it.
"... hmm...?"
"Don't push it, alright?" He murmured lowly and she blinked again, looking a little unsure and surprised with it for a second, which Laxus seemed to grimace faintly for. "Tch... I mean it, whatever you do or try with Juvia, or anything else- just don't push anything too far, got it? You're already tense enough just thinking about it, so don't try and take things too far." He told her firmly, and the uncertainty in Frea's face got a little clearer, and she even wilted a little too for the words- especially at the mention of being 'tense'.
Shit... is it that obvious already...?
Her eyes dropped from him for the thought and she bit the inside of her cheek, swallowing.
And he's telling me to... not push it... but... what else am I supposed to do...?
I have to push it, at least a little... otherwise I won't... tch.
Laxus frowned a little more when her eyes fell from him and he grumbled internally, forcing himself a sigh.
"... Do I need to go with you, just to keep an eye on your dumbass?" He asked lowly and Frea stiffened at it, her eyes moving back up toward him, flashing slightly.
Keep... an eye on me...?
She blinked once, her expression softening slightly despite herself while her heart twisted, and warmed all at once.
... It's not really so much to keep an eye on me... he's... he's more asking if I want him to come, huh...?
In his own gruff, sort of, kind of subtle way... heh.
Frea smiled faintly to herself, and for only just a second- it was a little more somber than she might have liked, but she couldn't help it. She shook her head once, meeting his eyes steadily as she did it and the smile was gone by then- leaving her looking rather more calm than she had been a few heartbeats before.
"No, I think I'll be good. Moon can keep an eye on me well enough, and Juvia too." She replied softly, those silver eyes of hers gleaming faintly as they matched gazes, and another smile made a reappearance on her face. It was just as soft as the first one, a little somber again too, but it was still somehow bright even under all of that, and Laxus' own expression softened despite himself.
"But thank you for the offer anyway, Laxus."
.:+:.
"Hey you two."
Juvia and Moon glanced around toward the sound of Frea's voice, both instantly alert and at attention. Both their eyes found the Energy Dragon Slayer a few feet behind where they'd been waiting, a clearing covered in grass and surrounded with a few trees- one outside of Magnolia itself, and on the opposite side of the town from where it bordered the ocean.
It was quiet, and far enough away from the town and any of the main roads so they wouldn't be bothered- as was why it had been picked.
Juvia and Moon turned, the bluenette stuck in her space waiting for Frea to make it the rest of the way toward them, while Moon sprouted wings and brought herself eye-level with the blonde.
"Hey." Moon purred, floating forward a few paces and stopping in front of Frea as the Dragon Slater came to a halt... With rather a few paces left still between herself and Juvia, as the bluenette noticed immediately.
Juvia swallowed slightly, her hands wringing together a bit in front of her and quiet.
It was strange enough that Moon had come to the Guild looking for her specifically, and on the request of Frea- but the rather secluded locale made Juvia all the more wary, and much more wary than she had been getting over the last week. Because as Frea had been afraid of- Juvia had noticed something between herself and Frea was suddenly... off.
Something had changed, though Juvia couldn't understand what, or why. She'd noticed it back in Adgnei for the first time, when Frea had gone rigid under her embrace and seemed to want nothing more than to pull away- though the Dragon Slayer had stopped herself. And since then Frea had been so... Distant.
She'd been a little withdrawn from everyone after all the awful things that had gone on in Adgnei, and Juvia understood that. But Frea had always bounced back from such awful things such as those in Adgnei, and she should have bounced back by now... Well, she sort of had- she was her usual bright self around the Guild when they weren't hovering or worrying about her health- but with Juvia there was some sort of wall between them that had never been there before. Something that had wormed it's way in and separated them, something that had Frea keeping her distance from Juvia like she never had before. There had been a distinct lack of friendly chats, or simply sitting with one another at the Guild, and in fact it almost seemed Frea had started to avoid Juvia altogether. And at times when Frea couldn't manage to keep her distance, the Dragon Slayer was very... Tense.
Tense was the only word Juvia could come up with to describe it, without straying close to some other identifier that made her heart ache. But whatever word one chose to put to it- the sudden shift was very noticeable, and quite painful honestly. Frea had never been anything but friendly and at ease with Juvia, even despite the more eccentric parts of the Rain Woman's personality, and perhaps 'over the top' behavior at times. To have that gone now and replaced with what seemed a sudden want to not be anywhere near Juvia at all had the bluenette worrying that perhaps... Had she done something wrong?
Juvia couldn't think of anything that might have earned that herself, but there must have been something yes...? And perhaps that something was what Frea had asked her here to talk about...?
Juvia hoped so, at least to the end that she might know where she had misstepped and could try and remedy it. She didn't want that wall between her and the Energy Dragon Slayer, she hated it had appeared at all, and she couldn't imagine it being there forever.
Juvia swallowed hard against the thought, her hands wringing together tighter and she caught Frea's eye uneasily.
"... Hello." Juvia mumbled in her own quiet greeting, and Frea smiled faintly at it, but all it did was make Juvia a little more uneasy, and Frea's stomach churned as she felt it spark against her skin.
... Shit...
Moon's ears dropped a little when she saw Juvia look not at all reassured with the smile Frea offered, and then they dropped a little more when her eyes moved back toward the Dragon Slayer and Frea seemed to hesitate a moment in being about to step forward. Juvia saw it too and she swallowed hard, eyes glittering as Frea took a few stiff steps at last and stopped before the bluenette, the smile still on her face, but a little softer now. Meanwhile Moon hovered at Frea's shoulder, her tail flicking behind her to brush against the blonde's shoulder lightly in a reassuring gesture- and though Frea kept her eyes on Juvia, she did let out a quiet breath at the contact.
"Thank you for coming out to talk with me, Juvia." Frea hummed softly, "I realize this is a little weird, and kinda out of the norm." Frea told her, the Dragon Slayer's silver eyes falling slightly as her hand came up to rub a little nervously at the back of her neck.
"... And I'm also really sorry about how I've been acting the last week. I know I've been a bit distant from you, and tense, and I am sorry about that." Frea apologized, her voice dropping a little despite herself and Juvia stiffened at it, eyes flashing. The Water Mage's hands tightened around eachother, Juvia shifting uneasily on her feet and a little fidgety now too.
"Juvia... Juvia wonders if she... Did something wrong...?" Juvia asked slowly and it was Frea's turn to stiffen, a grimace appearing on the Energy Dragon Slayer's face in an instant, and on Moon's too.
"No, no, it's not that. You haven't done anything wrong, I swear. It's just that I..." Frea told her quickly, her hands waving a bit in front of her as she said it, before her hands stalled and fell a little, her shoulders hunching a tad as her voice trailed off rather fast. Juvia blinked, looking very confused for the sudden drop in the Dragon Slayer's voice, and at how quickly Frea's eyes dropped to the ground too... Before Juvia looked quickly uneasy as Frea's hands pulled back into herself, and the blonde swallowed, hard.
Moon shot the Dragon Slayer an anxious glance from the side, her ears dropping all the way against her head and heart twisting at how rapidly Frea seemed to falter.
It was a rare thing for it to be so easy to see Frea of all people uneasy, and even a little scared. And then it was rarer still to see her lost for words and unable to continue a line of thought- she wavered, and hesitated, and she couldn't seem to keep herself talking or getting to the issue right off. She even hunched in on herself, eyes down, rigid, and so very much unlike the usually calm and steady Frea everyone was so, so used to.
It was hard to watch, and Moon had already seen this herself- and probably more than anyone else in the Guild (perhaps discounting one other). Frea didn't lightly let anyone really see it if something was bothering her, even Moon, so her acting like that so quickly when talking to Juvia now just spoke to how much this was bothering her. And not just bothering her, but how it had actually turned into something that was debilitating and terrifying for the Energy Dragon Slayer.
Frea had had a hard time explaining any of this to Moon earlier that week, when they'd come home and been back in their room at Fairy Hills. It'd taken a long time for Frea to even struggle her way through admitting it at first, and longer still to get through explaining why, and what had prompted suddenly talking about it at all. And Moon had listened, just as she promised she always would, and much like Frea had always listened to all she had said about the awful things she had been through... And Moon tried so hard not to get too torn up about it.
She was shocked of course, because she had never had even the faintest clue before then, and she even hated herself a little for being so clueless this whole time. She was even a little agitated with Frea for having kept it to herself for months now... But only a little.
She knew Frea, and she knew there were things she didn't tell anyone, not even her- and Moon accepted that. She simply appreciated that Frea had felt comfortable enough to tell her now, and Moon was doing her best to be supportive. She did wish Frea hadn't kept it all to herself for so long, and that Moon had been given a chance to help her sooner- but it meant more that she was trusted to know at all. And that was a big step on Frea's part, since she was so apt to keep things all to herself.
And it was an even bigger step on Frea's part to want to tell Juvia too, though the Dragon Slayer seemed to have rationalized it more as for Juvia's benefit than her own. But even so, some portion of this was Frea trying to help herself too, at least a little- which was great.
But she's already having a hard time with talking about it... And she's not really even started.
Moon's expression softened, sympathy and ache flitting across her face as her heart twisted painfully in her chest, Frea shutting her eyes tight and her jaw clenching so hard she must have been close to cracking teeth. Juvia fidgeted a little, looking increasingly uneasy as the silence stretched for several heartbeats more and Frea just seemed to get all the more rigid where she stood.
Frea held her breath, gritting her teeth and grumbling internally- she hadn't meant to cut off, or go quiet, but the words wouldn't come and that irked her like nothing else.
Damn it, get ahold of yourself
She sucked in a breath of air to steady herself and instantly regretted it. The scent of water flooded her senses, and her body went instantly still for it, her heart skipping a beat while her stomach flipped all out of sheer reaction. She stopped the breath halfway, her teeth gritting harder and her shoulders hunching as she willed herself to just... Don't.
It's Juvia, it's her scent, its fine... Its fine damn it
But hell if her muscles would unwind, even when she forced herself not to flinch back, and to finish the rest of that breath, squashing down the cold unease getting heavier in her core.
"... Frea...?" Juvia mumbled slowly. Frea forced her eyes open, fighting hard to keep her face as straight as she could and shaking her head stiffly. She could feel the uncertainty sparking of Juvia now, paired with a strengthening sense of worry and concern, and she swallowed against it.
"Sorry." The Dragon Slayer mumbled quickly, her arms crossing over her chest a little uneasily and forcing another breath that was nowhere near calming. Her eyes darted away from Juvia's soon after matching gazes for just a moment, and Frea shook herself out a tad forcefully. "Really, I promise its nothing you did, Juvia... This is just... Hard... to even start explaining." Frea told her at length, "... I know you're confused, and worried... I don't mean to make you feel that way... This just... kinda sucks... But..." Frea mumbled, before trailing off again and taking in a deep breath, before straightening a little, her eyes moving slowly back up to match with Juvia's again.
"... If you don't mind being patient while I do my best to explain all of this... I would appreciate it." Frea said softly and Juvia' eyes widened a little in surprise for the words, stunned for a second at the fact she even felt the need to ask for patience.
And just in that moment it instantly became clear that something wasn't just off, but something was actually wrong.
Like really wrong
"O-of course...!" Juvia stammered quickly, shaking her head a bit and eyes flashing as she swallowed hard, her stomach churning for the realization. "Y-You needn't ask, Juvia will listen for as long as you need, Frea..." She added tensely, and Frea seemed to will slightly for it, her eyes glittering and almost pained for half a second at how fast the assurance came.
"Thank you." Frea murmured softly, Juvia nodded again. Frea took a small step back, uncrossing one of her arms and gestured toward the grass slowly. "... Maybe we can sit down...?" The Dragon Slayer suggested, and Juvia paused, before nodding again, then settling down into sitting on her heels. Frea followed suit and sat cross-legged across from her, Moon placing herself in Frea's lap without a word and the blonde hooking her arms around the Exceed lightly.
There was another few heartbeats of sheer and uncomfortable silence to fall between them again- before Frea grumbled lowly under her breath, shaking her head stiffly at herself.
"... So... I've not been avoiding you purposely or anything, or trying to be all weird and tense around you, it's just... I can't really help it." Frea started slowly, her hold around Moon tightening ever so slightly. The Exceed cast a quiet glance up at the blonde, her paw landing lightly on Frea's hand- but Frea was staring at the grass straight ahead and nothing else.
"... Your scent, it smells a lot like water, because of your Magic." Frea told her and Juvia blinked, her head tilting a little for the rather strange comment. "Everytime I'm around you, or in the same vicinity- the first thing I notice is your smell. It's always been one of the first things I notice when I'm around anyone, and your scent is really noticeable. I'd describe it as like heavy rainfall, on a chilly night... But recently it's just turned into an... An overwhelming scent of water in general." Frea kept on, "It doesn't even register in my mind as rain anymore, it just... Its just water, a lot of water, and that... Tch... It doesn't even make sense why, but everytime I catch your scent it sets me on edge because it instantly turns into... Into s-something else..." Frea hissed lowly, and Juvia went still, her eyes narrowing in question and unease all at once when Frea's voice... Trembled.
And then Frea swallowed, and so hard Juvia could hear it. The bluenette stared, silent and fixed in place as the Energy Dragon Slayer's head bent, and she almost seemed to fold in on herself, ever so slightly- Juvia felt her heart drop into the earth.
Frea, she's... She's t-trembling...?
"... Tch... I... I have gotten... Really bad about... About water... L-lately..." Frea mumbled tensely, "... I... I got stuck someplace... F-For a really long time... In this... This endless ocean and I kept... Kept getting pulled under the the.. the s-surface..." Frea told her, her voice dropped further until it was barely above a whisper, "... Water... It didn't... Really bother me at all... Up until Adgnei... I got dragged under a-again, by the King... And it... It...."
Her voice broke off in a shaky breath of air and Juvia felt her blood run cold, eyes wide and breath stalling in her throat as the words suddenly had the last week of being avoided, and all the tension, and the... The fear in Frea- all of it now hitting home.
"... T...tch... It... Freaked me o-out, and... S-since then... I just... I can't help it..." Frea hissed through gritted teeth, her eyes shutting closed tightly. "... Damn it... I know it doesn't make any sense, I know it's you. It's your scent, n-not that place... I know I'm not under the w-water or anywhere near it... I know that but... But it's automatic... My body just reacts and I can't stop it... I don't wanna be so... So tense around you... You're my friend, I don't wanna avoid you, or feel uneasy because of it... I've been trying not to... But... Shit..."
Frea moved her hands from being around Moon and she hooked them around the back of her neck instead, growling under her breath as her head bent a little more. Moon grimaced at it, the Exceed pressing herself back into Frea, and her paws patting gently atop Frea's legs- though Frea really hardly felt it, honestly. She was too wrapped up in everything else.
"... Tch... It... It's not your fault, Juvia... I'm sorry I've been acting like this... I really am trying not to... I want to get over it, and stop... But... Please just... Don't take it personally, okay...? It's not you... I just... Any sort of w-water is putting me on edge now... E-even being in the back of the Guild Hall... Or being by the canal in town... Or... It's... It's not you... I swear..." Frea finished quietly, her voice so terribly low now it couldn't really even be counted as a whisper, and then there was just silence.
Nobody moved, or said anything, it was just tense quiet while they sat there- Moon stiff in her spot, Frea with her head still down, and Juvia across from them, utterly unmoving. The Water Mage's eyes were stuck on that Dragon Slayer in front of her, trembling faintly still and with her head bowed, hands clutching the back of her neck tightly and not even seeming to be breathing... Juvia had never seen her even remotely close to shaking, let alone actually doing it. And she had never seen Frea hunch in on herself like that, not for anything other than pain from some wound.
But this wasn't pain, this was actual fear, and even anxiety- in Frea.
And for what? Because she'd... She'd been drowned, or close to it, some time before now- and then nearly drowned again while they'd been in Adgnei? When Frea had been only half-alive, and after all the terrible things she'd already been forced through in that Tower beforehand? When her mind was in no fit state to deal with something so awful, after the injuries, sickness, and whatever else?
She'd never seen Frea afraid over anything, or so fazed by anything- not like this. But even then she understood why, and the fact that she could see just how much it bothered the Dragon Slayer really hammered in the reality that it had all hit her so so hard.
Hard enough not even Frea could buck up and push passed it like she had with every other terrible thing she'd ever been through, and that was an incredibly unsettling thing. Drowning would be bad enough in any regular circumstance, but to have drowned enough times, and for as long as Frea must have, to have made it impossible for her to live with? And to now have her hardly able to even say it out loud, or be around Juvia, the river in town, or even the oceanside at the Guild Hall?
It made Juvia want to throw up for how badly her stomach flipped as the realization of it all came crashing down over her head, and she felt the sting of tears welling up behind her eyes right away. Overhead the sky suddenly started to swim in clouds turning a dark grey, the wind picking up and bringing the scent of rain in no time at all- Juvia's heart skipping a beat when she realized her emotions were turning the weather quicker than they had in so long. And then her heart dropped into her feet when Frea jumped slightly, the blonde's head tilting up quickly and silver eyes tracing the looming cloud cover warily, her lips pulling into a thin line.
"O-Oh no, Juvia is... Juvia is sorry, she wasn't trying to...!" Juvia broke the silence, stammering the apology out quickly and shifting backward from Frea a little as she rushed to try and clear her stormy emotions, and the sky with it.
If Juvia's scent alone- which already smelled like rain according to the Energy Dragon Slayer- if that scent was already making it hard for Frea to be around Juvia, and destroyed any sort or calm, Juvia couldn't imagine what terrible feelings or memories actual rain was going to stir up. She couldn't let the weather turn anymore than it already had, and she couldn't let them get caught in a sudden downpour, not when that might actually do so much more harm than Juvia could ever have believed.
Juvia hugged herself tightly, willing all of the swirling emotions to dull down and stop seeping into the very being of the air. She shut her eyes firmly, her head bowing and shaking her head stiffly for the thought.
"Juvia is so... So sorry..." The bluenette muttered, her voice shaky and so full of guilt, hurt, and whatever else- Frea stiffened at it, her eyes narrowing at the sky and swallowing hard.
Frea could feel guilt, ache, unease and distress coming off Juvia in waves now, no matter how hard the bluennette worked to try and settle her emotions down... And panic too, once she realized the rain was starting to gather overhead.
She's making it start to rain, she hasn't done that in awhile... But she's doing it now because she's upset... Really upset, actually.
Moon had been upset learning about it too, and the same had gone for the Thunder Legion, from what Laxus said. She had felt all those aforementioned things coming off Juvia, coming from Moon when she'd first been told, and now again too- and she felt it all from the Thunder Legion as well, though the intensity of it from them and Moon had dulled a little by now.
But Juvia's emotions were heavy, and sharp, and almost more overwhelming than all the tension and unease swirling in Frea just then- she forced a sigh.
It would have been a lie to say the sudden wash of rain on the air didn't set her even more on edge, because it definitely did, that's why she was so quick to look up. It was ingrained reaction just like everything else involving Juvia's scent, or simply the sound of water rippling in ocean or river- and she hated it.
She hated how tense her body went at something as simple as the smell of water, she hated she couldn't get herself to not react at all, and she hated how wound up and pained everyone else felt in reaction to it. She didn't want to get freaked out over something so stupid, because it was stupid as hell, and she should have been able to stop herself from reacting at all.
A million terrible and horrifying things in her life and that she had seen, been through, and had to live with... and it was water of all things that she couldn't get over?
Tch... damn it.
Frea forced herself another deep breath, unhooking her hands from behind her neck stiffly and doing her best to straighten up from having bent over. Moon blinked, glancing up at Frea as she moved and blue eyes glinting as she saw the way the Dragon Slayer seemed to grimace, grinding her teeth for a few seconds before her eyes settled on Juvia just about as calmly as could possibly be managed.
"... you don't have to apologize, Juvia." Frea murmured softly, and Juvia stiffened at the sound of Frea's voice out of nowhere. Frea hands raised in a tiny, and what was supposed to be a calming gesture in front of her while Juvia peeked up slowly, her eyes gleaming. Their eyes matched, dark blue on silver and Frea swallowed a bit, unease still clear in her face even as she did her best to offer up a small, fleeting little smile for the Water Mage. "Really, I know this is... kinda hard, for you and me both... uhm... but I don't want you to be all wary or anything, about your Magic, or the rain, or anything at all, now that you know... okay...?" Frea mumbled, "... and the rain is... fine... I actually... I think it's a good place to start." She added and Juvia blinked, looking confused.
"... 'start'...?" Juvia mumbled reflexively. Frea nodded stiffly, and just once.
"Yeah, I was actually hoping maybe... you could help me out..?" Frea replied, her voice lowering reflexively, though she hadn't a clue why it did, she just couldn't help it. Juvia straightened up a little more, her eyes narrowing in question and Frea's hands fell out of the 'calming' gesture, settling down on her knees slowly. "Since a lot of little things are setting me on edge now... I was wondering if maybe spending some more time with you might help me start to relax, and unwind again." Frea explained softly, her eyes dropping from Juvia and to the ground. "... I've never been uneasy around you before now, and it's not you that sets me on edge, it's just the smell... because of your Magic... so maybe if we spend time together, and I can get passed it, and get used to your Magic too... I hope it will help with everything else." Frea mumbled quietly and Juvia's eyes widened a little, gleaming as Frea's voice dropped again, bordering something of a whisper now, and sounding so very unsure of it.
Unsure, and uncertain that it would do anything good at all- but she needed it to work.
Juvia stared for a few seconds more, swallowing as things went quiet again and Frea seemed to wilt a little for the request, almost like it she wasn't sure she should have asked at all- while Moon in her lap shot Juvia a sad glance when she saw little specks of tears suddenly pecking at the corner of the Water Mage's eyes. Juvia shook her head at herself stiffly and leaned in, her hands on her knees and instantly more alert and intent, stuffing away as much of the tension and shock as she could.
Frea was aware of her leaning in right away, the Dragon Slayer's silver eyes darting back up to meet Juvia's and blinking in surprise to see steadiness suddenly there in Juvia's expression almost without a second to waste. Her eyes did not waver from Frea's for even an instant, she nodded firmly toward her, intent and with little bits of energy suddenly brimming in her now.
"Yes!" Juvia told her, and a perhaps with a little too much fervor behind it. Frea blinked again, her face falling flat for half a second, a little taken aback with the sudden shift in mood while Juvia just kept her gaze steady with hers. "Of course Juvia will help! Juvia will do anything you need, for as long as you need...! Juvia... I want to help you, Frea...! However I can..!" Juvia told her quickly, and Frea paused, her eyes flashing and the flat look on her face softening. Moon smiled faintly for it, her ears drooping wearily as she felt Frea's rigid posture unwind, just a little, and almost imperceptibly- but it did.
Frea nodded slightly, "Thank you, Juvia." She hummed softly, and Juvia nodded back. Frea's eyes dropped closed as she took in a slow, deep breath and held it for a moment, before letting it back out even slower.
"For right now, I think it'll be nice to just sit and talk, if you don't mind?" Frea started quietly, "And you can let it rain if you want to, I don't mind getting wet... Once I get passed the initial part, I think it'll be fine." Frea mumbled, a heavy sigh escaping her and her shoulders sinking. "... I actually really like rain... so getting all worked up about it without meaning to, or being able to stop it is just... all the more frustrating, honestly..." She grumbled a bit in exasperation, and both Moon and Juvia shot the blonde sympathetic looks for the comment.
"Alright." Juvia hummed softly, "Are you sure you won't mind the rain..?" She asked slowly and Frea nodded,
"Yeah I'm sure." She replied softly. Frea cracked one eye open and shot Juvia a quiet glance, looking a little more uneasy now even despite being 'sure'.
"I... might not be so sure later on, when we eventually get to things other than just some rain... but for just now, I am sure." Frea mumbled quietly, and Juvia nodded stiffly.
"Okay." Juvia murmured, Frea let the one eye drop closed again.
Moon cast a glance up at Frea as little drips of rain started to patter down around them gently, bringing with them a wash of cold air falling down toward the earth and chasing away the mild weather that had been there previously. Moon felt Frea tense up against her the minute the rain started to hit, the Dragon Slayer's hands on her knees tightening enough her fingernails were digging into her jeans- but other than that Frea didn't react.
It was a light shower, intermittent and not even heavy nor fast enough to really get them all that wet- Juvia kept it that way as to not soak, or overwhelm them. The bluenette stayed where she was, watching quietly for a few moments while Frea did her best to settle herself and wade through the initial wash of unease and lingering phantoms of the Reach brought into bloom with the rainfall... Eventually some bits of the tension in her shoulders seemed to melt, and Frea forced another sigh after having been holding her breath for awhile.
"You alright?" Moon asked, breaking the silence herself this time and Frea glanced down slowly.
"Mhmm." Frea hummed quietly, and Moon offered her a small smile, her paw patting Frea's arm gently.
"Good." The Exceed purred, "Just don't push yourself too much, or too fast, okay?" Moon pointed out coolly, and Juvia nodded stiffly in agreement.
"Yes, please tell Juvia if you need a break, or anything at all." Juvia piped in quickly and Frea let out a soft breath, the words ringing familiar to what Porlyusica, and a certain Lightning Dragon Slayer had told her not too long beforehand.
"Hmm, will do."
.:+:.
Three days had gone by.
They went through three full days of it- meeting up in that same clearing, away from the town, the roads, and everyone else who might have interfered- and for three days they kept at it.
Three days of sitting there, talking, getting used to one another again, and inching closer to close that distance there had been. Three days of facing small, and even minuscule shows of Juvia's Water Magic- mostly just a constant drizzle of rain, and then eventually a little more than a drizzle. Three days of wading in a constant scent of water, the moisture washing over her senses, dripping down her figure, the sound of it splashing against the grass, and rippling in puddles that formed over time.
Three days- and on the second they started to move from the space and just walk around lazily, enjoying one another's company and keeping up pleasant conversation that helped her to focus on anything other than the things that would send her hurtling back into memories of the Reach.
After the first day, the rain bothered Frea much less, and she and Juvia relaxed around one another to something much closer to the usual content and happy they had had with one another for so long. After a few hours she even stopped being so hyper-aware of the smell of water at all... but the rigidity in her muscles never went away all the way. She was in a constant state of being tense, and a little on edge- like someone walking through a bad part of town in the middle of the night. Even though everything is quiet, your body tenses up unconsciously and stays that way, no matter how much you assure yourself it's fine and nothing bad is going to happen.
The second day they ended up walking through the East Forest for a long time, the sky overcast the whole while through and raining harder than the day before- but because of the tree coverage little of the moisture actually made it all the way to them. It was a pleasant walk, and mostly content between Frea, Juvia and Moon- though the Exceed did seem much more bothered by the moisture than even Frea was by the end of it.
On the third day they ventured a bit further, and even chanced a walk along the fringes of Magnolia, following warily the trail of the canal and river that ran through town and eventually spilled into the ocean. They never went into the town all the way- they stayed on the side of the river that was opposite where the buildings stood, and even then they never got too close to the edge of the water. They moved in a little group several feet from it, Juvia at Frea's shoulder and firmly between the Energy Dragon Slayer and the water, with Moon floating on Frea's other side.
The sun was starting to cross the last lengths of the horizon and dip down out of sight, the overcast and clouds dissipating as Juvia ceased her attention on keeping them there- they'd been around long enough for one day, and they could probably all do with a little break from the clouds and moisture. Besides, Frea had been considerably more tense today from the moment they had gotten within earshot of the river, so lessening the amount of things for her to be wary of was likely better all around.
Both Juvia and Moon could see it, clearer than any day previous, and it made their stomachs churn. Frea was very on edge, her eyes stuck down and avoiding glancing to the side for any reason- least of all to spare the river's surface a glance. She'd also been much less talkative when they'd arrived, the sort of comfortable rhythm of chatter she'd managed with Juvia and Moon the last two days gone now and replaced with uneasy and prickling quiet.
The river wasn't even close to her, but it didn't matter. She was so glaringly aware of it a dozen feet to her left, it was almost agonizing. The scent of the water, chilly and cold in the fall air, and the sound of it rippling across stones and around bends was grating on her nerves to an extreme- because this water smelled very much like the water she'd been dragged into back in Adgnei by the God-King. And any thought of that immediately had her mind spiraling away back toward being pulled under in the Reach, the weight of the water crushing her, and the icy cold grip of the black waves as she suffocated and-
"-Frea?"
Frea stiffened, her breath catching in her throat and her feet coming to an immediate standstill as the sound of her name snatched her out of her own head in a rather jolting, and violent way. She staggered to a halt, a shiver running up her spine and her heart-rate skyrocketing as her mind struggled to shake of the last tendrils of the memories and hone in on who had said her name, and why. Her head snapped up and to the left, silver eyes flashing and instantly rigid in place, Moon and Juvia both stiffening slightly themselves for just how fast Frea halted- and at how badly she jumped. Like actually jumped.
Neither one of them were sure they'd seen Frea do that before, and the startled look on her face made them frown a bit, both of them already uneasy- and now about three times more so.
"... Are you... alright...?" Juvia mumbled anxiously, the Water-Mage stiff in her spot now and not daring to move even an inch closer, lest it make Frea jump again or anything of the sort. Moon inched a little closer in air though, her head tilting and looking unsure now as she wrung her paws together in front of her, and Frea seemed sluggish to process the question.
"... oh... uhm... Yeah..." The Energy Dragon Slayer mumbled slowly and at length, swallowing hard and shaking herself out a little forcefully. Her eyes dropped from Juvia as she did it, arms pulling in a bit toward her person while her face shifted from that startled expression to a rather more exasperated and uneasy one. "Sorry, I got a little... lost in my own head I guess... did you ask me something..?" Frea murmured. Moon and Juvia cast each other wary looks for a moment, Frea tilting her head at it, before they looked back toward her and they both seemed to wilt a little.
"... Frea... I think it's probably better we give it a rest for today." Moon murmured softly, and the Dragon Slayer stiffened at the words, blinking in surprise.
"Yes, you've been much more tense the last few hours than you have the last few days... it's not good for your health to be so uneasy, for so long." Juvia told her softly, Frea swallowed at the mention of it.
"She's right, you've been at this nonstop for three days already, and you've been doing great... but you're definitely wound a little more tightly today." Moon told her softly, her head tilting a little and pale blue eyes glittering faintly. "You just jumped when I said your name, and that was after I had already said it two times, and you didn't seem to hear me." Moon pointed out and Frea grimaced faintly, because she definitely hadn't heard a thing up until that third time- shit.
"We don't want you pushing too hard, too fast... so please?" Moon hummed, her head tilting a little and her gaze on Frea steady as can be. But Frea's eyes darted away from Moon and toward the ground, chewing on the insides of her cheeks, stubborn almost- but more hesitant than anything.
Of course leaving and taking a break sounded just fine- no, it sounded great, actually. She wanted nothing more than to put distance between herself and that river she wouldn't dare spare a look at, and to get the overwhelming scent of the icy-cold water out of her nose would have been more than welcome too... but that was what unease and fear wanted her to do, and she was supposed to be getting over all of that.
She both wanted, and did not want to 'take a break'... but maybe it was better to take one, regardless of all that. Her whole body felt like a giant knot, she clearly couldn't keep her mind from wandering, and though she didn't feel it just then around how tense she was- she was actually exhausted from it all. But since her body had refused to unwind even the last two nights when she and Moon had headed home, that exhaustion had yet to really hit full on, and it was just building up more and more the longer she kept at this. If she kept up without taking a break she might build up that strain and exhaustion to a point it might actually get to be too much to handle- or at least too much to keep to herself and not worry anyone, and she certainly didn't want that.
And she definitely didn't want a lecture about pushing things too far from anyone either, so- hell.
"... alright, fine." Frea grumbled after a few seconds of nothing. Both Moon and Juvia let out quiet breaths of relief for the fact she'd actually relented, and with little argument to the fact. The Energy Dragon Slayer glanced up again and toward Juvia, dipping her head slightly toward the bluenette and silver gaze glittering. "Thank you for all of this, and spending so much time with me, Juvia. I know you could probably be off doing some jobs instead, so I do really appreciate it." Frea murmured softly and Juvia nodded,
"Of course." The Water Mage replied, shaking her head a little and offering up a small smile. "And please do not worry about that, Juvia is happy to help." She added and Frea nodded, though honestly she didn't look fully assured with the reply.
"I guess I'll see you see you tomorrow then?" Frea hummed, but Juvia paused, looking a little unsure for a moment, and Frea blinked at it.
"You should probably take a day off." Moon butted in lightly, Frea casting the Exceed a sideways glance. Moon smiled faintly for the look, shaking her head slightly. "Three days straight is a lot to get through. You'll feel better if you give it a day." The Exceed pointed out coolly, a small sigh escaping her as she shrugged a little. "Besides, you've not been at the Guild Hall this entire time either- so you might want to take tomorrow to at least pop in for a little, so nobody starts to get fidgety." Moon added, her tone a touch amused now and Frea visibly wilted in exasperation for it.
"... right..." The Energy Dragon Slayer mumbled with a heavy sigh. "Okay, then... I guess maybe I'll see you around the Guild tomorrow...?" Frea murmured, her eyes finding Juvia again and earning a small nod.
"Sure." Juvia smiled softly, and Frea nodded once more, before taking a step to the side and casting Moon a glance.
"Alright, then I guess let's head back." The Energy Dragon Slayer told her, and Moon nodded brightly.
"Sounds good."
.:+:.
The sound of Moon's breathing was the only thing in the dead silence of the room, slow and even from where the she-cat was curled up in a ball on the bed, dim moonlight filtering in through the window and turning her grey fur silver. Frea cast her Exceed Partner a weary glance over her shoulder, the Energy Dragon Slayer sitting on the floor with her back pressed against the bed- and unfortunately very much awake, unlike Moon.
It had to be about 1 in the morning, or close to it by now. Several hours since coming back to Fairy Hills for a meal, a small chat with Erza and Mira afterwards, and then eventually heading off to bed... But Moon was the only one sleep came to claim, and Frea very much envied her for it right then.
The last two nights since starting hanging around Juvia again had actually been rather sleepless too, truth be told. Her whole body felt like, and had been feeling like a knot since that first day- and it just got worse with each passing one.
Today it was fifteen times worse of a knot than it was yesterday, and like every night prior it didn't matter she was here in her room and far from any reminder of what set her on edge, the knot she was in would not unwind... at least not quickly, and even when it did it was not a total unwind, just a smidge of loosening that only just allowed some sort of doze. It had taken hours the last two nights to get sort of close to falling asleep, and even when it finally happened she wouldn't have considered it all that restful. All the tension and unease just stayed where it was, building up more and more, and her body wasn't ready to let go of it just yet. Though she really wished it would, and she tried so hard to force it to as well- but no dice... Just like tonight.
Several hours later and she was still as tightly wound as she had been earlier in the day, and with no hint or hope her muscles would do what she wanted and ease up so she could get some sleep.
Frea let out a quiet grumble, her head falling back against the edge of the bed and silver eyes only halfway open as she shot the roof a weary glare.
She hated it.
She hated she couldn't get her body, her mind, or her emotions to fall in line and do what she wanted.
She hated that this had gotten bad enough it had thrown a wedge in her relationship with Juvia.
She hated it had made it hard to even be at the Guild Hall at times, when she caught sound or scent of the ocean not more than a hundred yards passed the back doors.
She hated it made even being in the rain nerve-racking and uncomfortable, where before now it had never been a bother, and more a pleasantry.
She hated it that both Moon and Juvia now were treading lightly around the subject, and so insistent on not pushing it too hard... she even sort of hated the praises that she was 'doing well' and words of comfort too, because she hated they had any reason to give her those at all. And she hated how wound up the Guild still was, whether just because of all the awful that had happened in Adgnei, or because they were now paranoid over her health, or anything else.
She hated she couldn't keep her mind from getting snatched away so easily to those terrible memories of the Reach, and she hated how it felt like they were lurking just behind her all the time now, waiting to pounce. And she hated all those dire warnings given to her by Time hanging over her head too, and the promise for her life to become a living hell.
She hated that Darkness festering inside and nibbling away at her soul, and she hated the pain that came with it... She hated how that pain had become, and was becoming so commonplace in her life, that it was starting to feel normal to just suffer at random times, and with no warning.
She hated all of it, and not being able to go to sleep made her hate it about a million times more- she let out a sigh that sounded more like a growl.
... this sucks so bad... my life is always just... absolute fucking hell, huh...?
And it's only gonna get worse... thanks for dropping that on me, Maveel... tch.
Her head dropped back down, hanging slightly as she pulled her knees in closer to her chest and crossed her arms atop them. She buried her chin into her arms and shook her head at herself stiffly, eyes dropping halfway and forcing a heavy sigh.
It does suck... my life is insane, impossible even, but... I don't intend to bend under it, even if it sucks super bad right now... and will suck worse later on.
I want to be alright, be okay... and stay me. I want to be okay enough everyone stops worrying so much, and things aren't this crappy, or hard. I wanna get there, and I don't intend to break, or fail, or any of that, because...
Her attention dropped down onto her hand, her fingers moving as she slowly twirled the ring on her thumb around a few times, silver eyes glittering in the dim.
I still... want to prove him right.
She swallowed slightly, spinning the ring one last time before closing her hand and tucking it into the crook of her arm. She settled her head more into both arms, burying her face partway and eyes dropped closed with a small breath.
But for right now, I really just wanna get to sleep... If only my stupid wound up muscles and nerves and everything would fucking let me.
.:+:.
The water rushed out toward her, its dark, freezing depths pitch black and moving to encircle her one all sides, swirling, frothing, roaring- she could smell death and decay heavy on the waves. Feel their hunger as they moved to crash down over her head, pull her under into the pitch black, her lungs aching for air. Drowning over and over again- already suffocating, already feeling the chill that ran so deeply she was numb and in so much pain all at once. The icy cold sensation of the water engulfing her on all sides made her lungs seize. Her mind already struggling to make sense of anything at all was wrenched from a blurry haze and into a state of full blown, deadly terror.
No no no no...!
She was ripped up and down out of the water into the air before being plunged underneath again, water filling her lungs and crushing her. The water so heavy and so very, very cold- and she just kept being dragged under. Further and further into some deep dark ocean with no bottom, over and over again, trapped in an endless cycle, never getting enough air no matter how hard she tried, and the feel of her body being plunged under the water and dragged back up coming on a constant loop. She smelled the death and decay of the Reach's waters heavy on her nose, her vision was clouded so much at the edges and so dark she couldn't see, and her ears were ringing still.
It was an unending loop, no sense of up or down, or anything else. The sound of her heart pounding frantically in her chest was getting nearly drowned by the roaring of her blood in her ears, and the terrifyingly heavy silence consuming her on all sides. Silence in a world of nothing but pitch black that she was sinking ever farther down into... Trapped, drowning, alone.
N-NO!
The water was hungry, hungrier than it had ever been- it seemed to relish in the struggle, enjoy how hard she was trying. She couldn't breathe, every attempt just filled her lungs more and more- she was suffocating, she couldn't break free, she couldn't... She...
Her heart felt like it stalled, the reaility and the horror of it crashing down just as heavy and crushing as the ocean, and the icy terror racing through every inch of her becoming a million times worse when she realized;
She was in the Reach again
She clawed at the water, grasping for something, some traction, some little bit of momentum and strength to drag herself up, get herself out- because no!
N-no, I... I can't be..! I can't...!
I C-CAN'T BE HERE AG-!
She felt like she got run through by a million swords, and the ocean got ripped away in an instant.
.:+:.
Frea jumped, jolting forward and sucking in a strangled gasp of air as the clawing waves suddenly gave way to frenzied, blurred reality with absolutely no warning. She got jerked out of the water and dumped into the waking world, riding in on the back of absolute terror now paired with deep, stomach-curling agony racing through every inch of her being... and even though she was no longer in the water or the throes of the nightmare, she still couldn't breathe.
Her lungs had seized, her muscles doing the same as the pain gripped her just as tightly as the terror from the dream did. She cringed, the nightmare snatched away, doubling over and locked in a whirling state of fear and agony both- but the pain kept her still now, where generally the fear would have had her shaking terribly- rushed, frantic.
The pain was derailing the panic, blocking it out and making itself the more pressing issue- but once it started to fade off again, the panic and fear hit full force. And with it came a terrible and nauseating feeling quickly forming a place in her core and she blanched, her already pale skin paling even further, and her body trembling with a new fierceness.
She felt her stomach twist into one huge, tightly wound knot- then flip over on it's head, and she shuddered.
Shit-
She was staggering up onto her feet in a rush, her hand clapping over her mouth and making a beeline for the bathroom door a few feet to her right. She made it in and closed it behind her as quickly, and as quietly as she could manage- the room was dim and dark still, it was still late, and some small corner of her mind warned her about waking Moon up.
Her knees hit the tile floor with a painful jolt, but any amount of feeling that got blotted out by the awful sensation of her stomach turning inside out and the burning of her throat as she expelled most, if not all the food she'd had for dinner last night. Every spasm turning her stomach over had her body lurching with it, her eyes watering and the foul taste of bile making the nausea all the worse, and the heaving worse too- even when there was nothing left to retch. It took a few minutes after her stomach was entirely empty for it to stop flipping and making her gag, and by the time that happened her entire core was so twisted it was nearly as painful as the agony that had raced through her because of the Darkness festering, and had been the thing to snatch her out of the nightmare... that awful, awful nightmare.
Of course she'd wanted to fall asleep, and she had- but it was apparently too much to ask she fall asleep and not end up in a nightmare and wake up only an hour or two later in pain... Tch.
Frea swallowed hard, sucking in a shuddering breath of air and flushing the toilet with a fumbling hand before pushing herself back and pressing her back against the wall, her knees pulling into her chest and arms hugging around her stomach. Small tears trailed down her cheeks from watering so much, the salty moisture mixing with the thick sheen of icy cold sweat she was drenched in. She was shaking, trembling from the retching, and the lingering panic and fear from the dream... She couldn't get her body to stop with the movement, but honestly- she hadn't much a will or energy to force it to stop really.
...s..shit...
She hated it, the dream, the reaction, the shaking, the retching- all of it. She wanted it to stop, she wanted her body to listen and for her mind to unwind, for the ache in every part of her to fade and the knot her stomach was in to undo itself, for the sick feeling to stop- she wanted it to all just go away... but I don't have the energy to try and force it to stop.
Hell... I don't think even trying to force it away would do a damn thing... it hasn't been doing anything before now. That's why I've been having a hard time sleeping... no matter what I do, I can't force myself, or my body to just... quit, and let go.
She swallowed hard again, a breath of air escaping her, shaky and uneven, while her arms hugged about her person a little more tightly. Her head dropped in defeat so her forehead landed on top of her knees, and she shut her eyes- still stinging and watery, and so heavy and exhausted.
Fuck... I guess I do really need a break... hmmm...?
She swallowed hard against the ache in her stomach and shook her head slightly, her bangs damp from sweat tangling against her knees, and she let out a low, weary hiss.
No, not 'I guess'... I need a break, badly... so maybe whatever is out there, or listening... can I just get one day...?
One... One good, normal, calm day...?
... please...?
Hello hello!
A short and simple chapter for ya'll, here with some goings on now that we have left Adgnei behind- and seeing the after-effects of it all, even as things wind down a little!
Poor Frea is still having a bit of a rough time, but never fear! The next chapter is going to be much kinder on the poor dear, and it will have plenty of your favorite ship! XD
So look forward to that, and thank you all so much for reading, and sticking with me as long as you have! Your continued support means so much more to me than you know! ;w;
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