The Girl Who Shouted I At The Heart Of The World Chapter 6: Cruel Dilemma, an evangelion fanfic

Chapter 6 – Cruel Dilemma

Rei unlocked her apartment door and made her way inside, stopping at the sink to pour herself a glass of water. The walk back from NERV had been particularly hot so she was parched of thirst. She placed the glass to her lips and gulped it down before returning it to the counter surface. She lifted a hand towel to wipe sweat from her brow before stepping over to look in her mirror and regard her own visage, staring at the pair of red eyes that looked back. She was finally free of bandages and the cast on her right arm had been removed. She was glad for this as it allowed freedom of movement again and her forearm had begun to itch rather fierce in the last few days of having the cast. It was nice to have the use of both eyes again as well. She noted as she inspected herself that she looked exactly as she remembered with no scarring or damage on her face. For this she was pleased but the eyes that looked back at her still displayed her anxieties. She was indeed anxious as she knew what lay ahead.

Her activation test with Unit 00 would be coming soon and the uncertainties regarding said test were swimming in her head. She felt fear. The prospect of the test going wrong was something that she feared. It could very well mean the end of her but there was no way around it. It was a bridge she had to cross despite her apprehension. One way or another, the test was going to happen, it was something she couldn't change though she had been hard at work plotting to alter the timeline in other ways.

It had been three days since she had formally become friends with Ikari-kun in the current timeline but she hadn't been able to find time to see him. The checkup had occupied an entire day of school and she hadn't been able to see him the day after due to school being out on Sundays. Now today she hadn't been able to see him as she'd spent the majority of the afternoon being reinstated into active service, not to mention having her cast removed after a final round of medical inspections. That fact frustrated her as she knew that her friendship with him could be utilized to influence the future. This said, she finally had an inclination of how she would turn the tables of fate in her favor...

Commander Ikari and the affections he still held for his son could be the key.

It wasn't much to go on but the terse words he had spared her on the catwalk but it had set her mind in motion. She couldn't help but... sense that if she pushed Ikari-kun and Commander Ikari together that it might just have an impact on the commander. Perhaps if the pair could be honest with one another then the commander would abandon his quest. The odds were slim, but Rei was now certain that it was her best course of action at the present juncture.

She made her way to her bathroom, disrobed, and entered her shower to wash the sweat that stuck to her from her body. A memory came to mind as she stood beneath the shower faucet, the memory of Ikari-kun coming to her apartment to deliver her new ID card. That was right, her ID would expire soon and he would bring her new one...

She remembered how the incident had gone originally. She'd caught Ikari-kun holding the commander's glasses and then he'd fallen on top of her while she was nude. Now in this life she no longer possessed those spectacles and the lock on her door would prevent any unexpected entry. At that time she had not cared anything about her modesty, having no care that he had seen her naked, though she had felt a bit queasy with his hands on her arms as she lay beneath him. Now... the idea embarrassed her. She felt heat in her cheeks that wasn't from the warm water that bathed her as she remembered that incident. The reason for that feeling was one that she couldn't place. She felt thankful for the lock on her door that Commander Ikari had allowed her. That incident would not repeat itself.

Rei finished bathing and dried herself with one of the few towels she had, her mind focusing in on her newfound embarrassment. What was the reason? For what reason did she suddenly feel uncomfortable with the idea of Ikari-kun seeing her without clothing? It didn't make logical sense... yet she knew it was natural. Most people found nudity embarrassing. Perhaps it had something to do with how she'd become more human? That... didn't seem to fit. If not, then what was the reason. It was yet another mystery for her to uncover...

Considering the fact that the way things played out previously was a near certainty not to occur, how could she plan the future incident? She moved to her bed and laid down, staring up at the ceiling. She remembered the time when Ikari-kun had made her tea and helped her when she burned her hand and a small smile crept onto her face. Yes... that was a good idea. She could make him tea.

For some reason the idea excited her, the idea of spending time with him alone in her room. She placed her hand to her breast and felt the beat of her heart with her hand. It was thumping hard as if she had been exercising vigorously and yet somehow it was a pleasant feeling.

Enormous machines noisily chipped away at the Bakelite that surrounded the behemoth that was Evangelion Unit 00. It wouldn't be long now until the reactivation. Ritsuko stood in the repaired observation deck watching the operation, Misato standing at her side.

"So how soon will the salvage operation be complete?" Misato inquired. "It will be nice to have two operation Evas."

"Very soon, most likely in by the end of tomorrow," Ritsuko replied. "We'll be able to activate with Rei shortly after that."

There was a pause before Misato spoke again. "So... I never really asked but... what is Rei's deal?" she asked. "I know she's the pilot of Unit 00 but not much else. You'd think that I'd get something in her file as her commanding officer, right?"

Ritsuko frowned as she watched the continued work going on in the darkened chamber before her. She couldn't tell Misato the truth about the First Child's origins, doing so would certainly cause issues. The less the captain knew the better. That said, she decided to give the driest answer she could muster. "Rei Ayanami, age fourteen, the first candidate selected by the Marduk Institute, the First Child. Designated pilot for the Evangelion Unit 00, her past has been eradicated, all of her personal records have been erased," she stated.

"So do we have any idea what caused that incident during the last test?" Misato inquired.

Misato was truly to curious for her own good... "We still don't know," Ritsuko replied. "However, we believe that mental instability on the part of the pilot was a primary factor."

Misato's tone became concerned. "Mental instability? In Rei?"

"Yes," Ritsuko continued. "Her mind became much more disturbed than anticipated."

"So what did happen?" Misato continued her line of persistent questioning.

Ristuko kept staring forward at the enormous cyborg before her. Why couldn't she just leave well enough alone? Why did she have to have such a compassionate personality? In her experience at NERV, such things only caused one misery... "I don't know," she replied... but she did have a suspicion.

Unit 00 was a mysterious entity. From what she understood it was developed around the same time as Unit 01 but had suffered numerous teething problems. Only after her mother's suicide and the death of the first Rei had it become viable. She had a vague idea of the secrets surrounding Unit 01 and knew very well the story behind Kyoko Soryu's contact experiment with Unit 02... perhaps... "But she could have..."

"Did something occur to you?" Misato shook her from her thoughts.

Had she spoken that aloud? Why had she spoken that out loud? She inwardly cursed herself for slipping up. "No, that can't be it," she muttered, more to dissuade her own anxieties than answer her friend. What or... who... lay inside the Eva could not be confirmed so why worry about it...

There was a long pause. "What?" Misato asked.

Ritusko sighed. "It's nothing important, nothing that can't be overcome," she said, turning to her friend with a sheepish grin. She started walking toward the door, hoping to be followed. "Come on, it's getting late. Let's call it a night."

Rei was early to school as usual and sitting in her seat by the window. Today she was not staring absently at the view outside as she usually did. No, today she kept glancing at the entrance to the room, awaiting Ikari-kun's arrival.

Having not seen or talked to him for the last couple of days had made her... nervous. Yes, that was a good word for it. She was worried even... She fretted that he might have closed himself off again and their friendship might be compromised. Part of her knew she was being irrational but the feeling persisted despite all attempts to rid herself of it. The only thing she could do was wait and hope to be proven wrong.

Soon enough, the object of her worries arrived in the classroom. Their eyes met and he looked nervous at first but then he smiled. Relief washed over her and a grin of her own found its way to her lips. He walked over to her desk and greeted her warmly. "How are you, Ayanami?" he said.

"I am well," she replied, her faint smile unwavering.

Ikari-kun breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad," he replied. "I was a little worried when you didn't show up the other day."

She blinked. He was worried... about me? She thought to herself. She could feel her cheeks getting hot and she looked away from him. That feeling of embarrassment was returning. How strange... "I had some tests at headquarters," she replied, keeping her voice even.

Ikari-kun nodded and shuffled where he stood for a moment. He looked as if he was indecisive as to what he was going to say next. "I ah-" he stammered. "I see you're no longer bandaged up. That's good to see."

Rei nodded. She was glad for his concern. It made her feel warm inside. "Thank you for your concern," she returned warmly. "It is good to be out of them."

Ikari-kun paused for a moment. "So... how did you get injured anyway?" he asked, his tone taking on a morbidly curious edge.

Her lips parted as the surprise hit. Had no one told Ikari-kun? She found that odd that he had not been informed. He was the only other Eva pilot after all, was he not privy to such information? As she found the words to tell him, she found herself becoming unsure if she should relay the story of what happened. It was possible that having knowledge of the incident would instill fear in him and he would run away... No, she had to be honest with him. That was what friends do... "There was an accident... with Unit 00," she stated with a voice full of apprehension.

Ikari-kun's eyes widened. "Wh- what happened?" he stuttered.

Rei could feel the concern and fear radiating off of him but she owed to him to speak the truth and yet she knew it best not to mention the Evangelion punching walls and moving on it's own. Then there was the knowledge that Commander Ikari had pulled her from the plug, something she did not want to mention for her own sake... It was selfishness, she realized. She worried that he would become jealous of her for his father's appearance of preference toward her. But... what if he found out otherwise? Would he be upset. After a moment of hesitation she made her choice on what to say. "During the activation my unit rejected synchronization. It ejected the plug forcefully into the ceiling of the test chamber. My injuries were caused by the impact," she confessed.

Ikari-kun's expression darkened. "I'm sorry..." he murmured.

Rei nodded and smiled softly at him. "It is fine. It is unlikely to happen again," she replied, masking her own nervousness due to her reactivation looming in the near future. I hope... she mentally added.

Ikari-kun returned her expression though he looked unsure of what to say. "I'm uh... I'm glad you're alright now," he said with some hesitation before posing a question. "Ah... are you nervous to get back in the cockpit?"

She studied the nervous expression he wore and the concern in his eyes. "Y- yes..." she replied. It was hard admitting it out loud. It made the truth of it all the more real. She faced the front of the classroom and steadied herself before speaking again. "But... it is my duty to do so."

"You're strong, Ayanami..." Ikari-kun returned, his voice hushed. "I don't know if I could keep piloting after something like that."

It was a funny mix of emotion that washed over her. She was saddened to hear that he doubted his confidence but it made her heart skip a beat when he called her strong. Strange... "And yet you did," she countered. "You were nearly killed in your first deployment and yet you stayed."

His eyes widened and his cheeks reddened before he closed his eyes and scratched his head sheepishly. "Ah... I guess you're right," he replied.

Just then door to their classroom creaked open and their teacher entered and Ikari-kun hastened to his seat. Class Representative Horaki stood from her seat and called everyone to attention. "Stand! Bow! Sit!" she barked, and class was underway.

The school day went as usual with their teacher droning on about life before Second Impact as he always did. Shinji paid it no mind. Truth be told, he wasn't paying any attention to anything around him, he was much to occupied with the thoughts that were dancing through his mind.

Ever since he had almost run away things had really been looking up for him. Life living with Misato had improved quite a bit. She had become far more understanding towards him though she still teased him incessantly. Still, she always tried to ask about his day or how he was doing at it made him feel at home. There was also Touji and Kensuke who he'd been spending time with at school. He'd gotten closer to them both and had become acquainted with the nuances of basketball and more more things than he ever wanted to know about military hardware because of them. Then of course there was Ayanami.

He'd been a bit worried when she'd not been back to school the day after he'd contemplated leaving Tokyo 3 but had assumed it had something to do with NERV or her injuries. Many times over the past three days he'd played back the words she'd said in the few times they'd spoken and reflected on them. They filled him with hope and confidence, that she didn't see him as a coward made him feel... content. Even though he had trouble putting his trust in others, he knew her compassion and friendship was... genuine. It wasn't out of obligation as was possible in regards to Misato. It wasn't out of guilt as was possible for Kensuke and Touji. No... she was his friend because she wanted to be his friend and the things she said came from a place of honesty. Knowing that felt good. It felt good that someone saw something good in him. For the first time in forever, he actually felt something other than loathing for himself.

When lunch came Touji and Kensuke left for the courtyard and he sat down in the desk in front of Ayanami, turning the chair around to face her. He pulled his bento box out of his school bag and was about to dig in when he noticed that she didn't have anything to eat.

"Did you bring a lunch, Ayanami?" he asked.

The expression on her face shifted ever so slightly from her usual calm expression to one more dour and shook her head slightly. "No," she replied.

He felt a pang in his chest. He couldn't just sit there and eat while she had nothing. Doing something like that would be bad manners. Shinji took stock of his food supplies as he thought of what to do. After a moment he slid the soup container from his meal across the desk. "Here," he said as he pulled the lid off. "Have my miso."

Ayanami's eyes widened and her cheeks took on a red tint. She stared down at the steaming liquid with her mouth slightly agape and for a moment Shinji worried if he'd done something wrong. "Y- you don't have to if you don't want," he murmured.

Ayanami brought her hands to the sides of the bowl in a precise and elegant motion. "Th- thank you," she murmured softly.

Relief instantly washed over him and he relaxed just a little. "It's no problem," he sheepishly returned. "How come you didn't bring a lunch?"

"I usually do not eat at school," came her level reply.

Shinji was curious and felt compelled to inquire as to why. There was a lot of things to be curious about with her, considering her red eyes and cyan hair, but that was something he didn't feel comfortable asking about. If he did he could potentially upset her and the last thing he wanted was to push away a friend when he had so few. Besides, such a thing as her unique appearance wasn't important. Don't judge a book by it's cover after all... This was something he could actually ask about in hopes of getting to know her better that wasn't related to those accursed Evangelions... "Why's that?" he spoke.

Ayanami looked as if she was contemplating his question in great detail as she stared back at him before looking down at her desk with slightly pursed lips. Her crimson eyes looked cloudy with thought. "It's just something I've always done," she stated softly after a while.

Shinji felt it best to change the topic. The way she was reacting was... weird. "I see, oh, uh... is there anything you like to do outside school and outside of NERV?" he asked.

She look up and met his gaze. "I... enjoy reading... When I can," she replied, her voice coming slow as if she had to think about it.

"Yo! Shin man!" a boisterous voice interrupted their quiet conversation.

Shinji snapped around to see Touji and Kensuke entering the classroom. "Hey guys," he said with a grin. "What's up? I thought you went to the courtyard."

"We did but it's really hot out today," Kensuke piped up, a surprised look on his face. "A better question is why are you sitting with Ayanami?"

Shinji looked to Ayanami who looked unfazed by the question. "What do you mean?" he asked, looking back to Touji. "We're friends."

Touji's jaw hit the floor. "When did this happen!?" he exclaimed.

Shinji was utterly confused. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Kensuke laughed. "It's just that Ayanami's not usually so social," he said before glancing at her upon realizing the bluntness of his statement, issuing her an apologetic smile. "No offense..."

"None taken," Ayanami stated coolly.

Class Representative Horaki took that moment to butt in. "Shut up you two," she hissed. "She's finally making friends and you two decide to freak out. How rude can you be?"

Touji laughed. "I guess Ayanami is no longer the ice queen of the school," he said with a laugh. "Way to go Shinji."

Horaki rushed over and grabbed Touji by the ear causing him to yelp in pain. "Suzuhara, we need to have a talk..." she growled, dragging him toward the hallway.

Kensuke grimaced. "Man she's scary..." he murmured. "Don't you agree?"

Shinji could only nod in reply.

The school day eventually came to an end and Rei was glad for it. The revelation that she had actually made a friend had caused her much unwanted attention. Thankfully Ikari-kun did not seem too bothered by the questions that sporadically came his way for the rest of the day though he did seem a bit curious about the reasoning behind them. The biggest worry she had was for there to be a huge fiasco should her identity as an Eva pilot be revealed to the class at large which thankfully neither Suzuhara or Aida revealed. She could only assume that they knew as they had seen her at NERV after the incident with the Fourth Angel. It would only be a logical assumption on their part.

Thinking back on how Ikari-kun had offered her his soup still made her feel light even hours later. It was as if the warmth of the soup in her hands and in her mouth had moved to her chest and taken up a permanent residence. It was yet another feeling she couldn't explain or name but it felt good but also... unsettled. For some reason she found her stomach churning when she stood near him or contemplated speaking to him. It made words difficult but... it wasn't unpleasant.

She was walking beside them as they headed for the front the school. As with the last time they'd left school together she'd resolved to accompany him home. It would be a pleasant way to pass part of the afternoon. Walking home by herself she had become lonely... not to mention boring. Boredom was still a new feeling for her but it was one she had already become... bored of.

They didn't speak much on the way to Captain Katsuragi's residence but Rei still enjoyed the walk. The silence of her apartment had become irritating, the one one the walk was comfortable. It didn't take long before they were before the captain's building and Rei couldn't help but feel it was too soon. She wanted to spend more time with Ikari-kun but... she couldn't just invite herself in. She halted at the entrance of the complex. "I'll see you tomorrow," she said softly. "Have a good afternoon, Ikari-kun."

He nodded in reply. "Oh alright," he replied. "See you tomorrow." With those words they parted ways.

Unlike the stroll with Ikari-kun, the walk to her own domicile seemed to take an eternity and she couldn't help but wonder why that was. For what reason did time seem to move faster when she was doing something she enjoyed? The rationale eluded her though she did recall the time honored saying that time flies when one is having fun.

She unlocked her door and stepped inside. Rei took stock of her quarters and the bloody bandages that were piled in a box next to her dresser. Ikari-kun would soon come to visit her... for some reason the thought of him seeing he place like this was... embarrassing. She'd never cared too much about tidiness but for some mysterious reason that she couldn't place she felt compelled to clean. It was at least something to do other than stare into space and ruminate on the future and the uncertainty of what would befall her when she reactivated Unit 00.

It took far longer than she thought it would to take out her garbage and sweep her floors. There was dust everywhere and grime caked in the sink. Her shower had mildew and the faucets were starting to rust. How had she never noticed? Why had she never cared? How did I go on living like this for so long? she wondered.

The experience also filled her with a bitter feeling. Resentment was a good term for it. The fact that Commander Ikari had sent her to this place to live in these conditions... it filled her with a dull fury. I must leave this place... she found herself thinking, but how? As with so many things since she'd received her new lease on living the answer eluded her.

Rei Ayanami continued to grow increasingly annoyed with not having answers to the increasing number of problems she needed to solve... Even the minutia of her daily life was becoming a series of problems in need of a solution...

On the outskirts of Tokyo 3 a small town had been erected around the site of the latest Angel's corpse and the gigantic white outline that depicted the outline of Unit 01 where it had impacted the hillside. Shinji stood inside the largest building which encompassed the enemy that he'd defeated, watching as a group of workers and scientists under Ritsuko's command dissected the thing piece by piece. "So this is what the enemy looks like up close..." he mused.

As soon as he'd gotten inside Misato's apartment and set his bag down he'd been grabbed by Misato to come with her to this place. He had protested that he was tired but she insisted that it was going to be cool. So far, all they had done since they'd gotten there was stand around for a good portion of an hour wearing a hard-hat and sweating profusely. Needless to say his experience had not been one that fit his guardian's descriptor, though the free coffee on the temporary base made it a bit worth it. Small victories... he thought to himself.

Misato, who had been standing just ahead of him, stepped backwards until she was much closer to him. She was clearly eyeballing Ritsuko. He could faintly hear her speaking as she looked over her clipboard from where she stood on the catwalk high above. She looked directly at Misato after a moment and shouted, "Thanks! This will be a great help!"

"Okay, so have you found anything new yet?" Misato asked. It seemed like she was also getting a little bored or frustrated with just waiting around. "Anything at all?"

"Oh yes!" Ritsuko shouted back. "Meet me down in the main data center!"

In moments all three of them were in the aforementioned data center standing behind Ritsuko while she sat behind one of the computers. The screen flashed a number of times as the data processed until after a second the screen went black with the exception of the number 601 flashing on the screen. "What's that mean?" Misato asked.

"That's our system's code for cannot be analyzed," Ritsuko replied.

Shinji was utterly confused. Computers and numbers were not his strong suit. "You mean you have no idea what this is?" Misato pressed.

"Unfortunately, yeah," Ritsuko said. "But we have determined that the Angel is composed of a type of matter characterized by both particulate and wave-form properties."

"But you've at least found its power source, right?" Misato continued questioning.

Ritsuko took a sip of her coffee and set the cup down on the desk. "Something like that," she said. "But we haven't been able to figure out how it operates at all."

"So we finally found something outside our experience," Misato commented. Shinji was completely lost. How could something have the properties of matter and energy at the same time?

Ritsuko stood from her seat. "It's a whole new world of mysteries," she returned. "For example, take a look at this. This is the Angel's inherent wave-form pattern..."

Misato leaned in to look at the screen and Shinji tried to get a good look as well though she was doing a good job of blocking the screen. "What about it?" she asked, mystified.

Ritsuko pressed a couple of keys on the keyboard and a bunch of colored lines appeared on the screen. Shinji had no idea what he was looking at. "What about it?" Misato inquired, clearly as confused as he was.

Ritsuko hit another key and a pattern was overlaid with the data. Misato visibly tensed. "It can't be..." she murmured.

"Yes," Ritsuko stated. "Although they're composed of a different kind of matter, the pattern in terms of it's coordinates and arrangement is a 99.89 percent match to human DNA."

Shinji eyed the screen closely, trying to comprehend how anyone could discern such a thing from what was on the screen. Still, the revelation was a little bit shocking. "99.89 percent..." Misato mumbled softly.

"Yes," Ritsuko spoke. "Once again we must admit to how limited our level of understanding really is."

Shinji noticed footsteps just outside of the room and looked over to the door. It his father and Vice Commander Fuyutsuki walking by. What were they doing here? He couldn't stop himself from moving over to the door and watching them as they went on their way. A piece of that big red orb that he'd stabbed when he'd last fought and killed the Angel was being lowered via chains and his father stopped right in front of it. He couldn't help but listen in on the conversation transpiring.

He watched as his father put his hands on the cracked piece of the red sphere. "So this is the core sample?" he heard Vice Commander Fuyutsuki say.

"Yes sir," one of the scientists replied.

"What about the rest of it?" his father asked.

"There's not much left," the other of the pair of scientists stated. "I don't think we can use it as a reference."

his father clasped his hands behind his back. Shinji couldn't help but notice that the skin on his palms looked swollen and scarred. It looked like they'd been burned severely. "That's not a problem," his father bit out in that cold tone of his. "Dispose of what can't be used."

"Yes sir!" the two scientists responded together.

Shinji watched as his father continued to inspect the piece of the red sphere. Did he know he was here? If he did then would he spare him a moment of his time? Even through all that he'd been through and how angry and resentful he could feel at times towards the man, it would still be nice to speak with him... To pile on to this, seeing the state of his hands made him feel just a bit concerned for his father. How had he burned his hands like that? He tried to put down that feeling, even after he'd risked his life for humanity his father hadn't visited him once... why should he care about the man at all?

"What's up, Shinji-kun?" Misato called to him.

He snapped around to see both her and Ritsuko staring at him with a look of mild concern. He... didn't want to bother them with his problems. What would that solve anyway? What did it matter if he told them how he felt? "Ah- nothing..." he murmured, looking away shyly.

Misato's expression became one of mild annoyance and agitation. Had he said something wrong that pissed her off or something? "How about a little honesty, Shinji-kun," she said, pointing her finger at him. "When you say nothing in that tone of voice it's like you want someone to pay attention to you. Evasive actions draw attention, y'know."

He looked downward. The NERV issue hard-hat he had been wearing since he arrived on the site slid down on his forehead a little. What to say? He didn't want to say anything about his relationship with his dad but he couldn't hide from Misato. She was really good at prying the truth out of him. Ultimately he decided to tell her half of the truth. That wasn't really being dishonest, was it? "I was wondering... how did my father burn his hands?" he said after a brief pause.

"He burned them?" Misato asked, her annoyed look quickly replaced with one of curiosity.

"I was just wondering... how it happened," Shinji continued.

"I'm not sure," Misato murmured before turning to ask Ritsuko. "Do you know?"

Ritsuko's lips took on a soft frown. "It happened before you got here," she replied to his original question. "Unit 00 went berserk during the activation trials. You heard about that, right?"

Shinji affirmed her question with a nod. "Yeah," he replied. "Ayanami told me that was how she got injured."

Misato took that moment to jump in to the conversation. "So Rei told you?" she asked.

She sounded caught off guard as if it was some sort of big deal. Shinji simply nodded again. "We've been talking at school. I guess we're friends..." he murmured.

Misato's eyes widened. "Woah..." she returned. "That's surprising considering she's all... y'know..." Misato then did her best impression of the girl, putting on a blank expression and straightening her posture until she appeared stiff. Shinji couldn't help but feel she was being a bit unfair. She might be quiet but she never seemed cold or whatever her reputation was...

Now Ritsuko was the one with an annoyed look on her face. "Can you let me finish, Captain?" she grumbled, emphasizing Misato's rank for effect.

Misato laughed nervously and scratched her head. "Sorry, Ritsuko..." she responded weakly.

Ritsuko sighed and rolled her eyes before she continued speaking. "It was Commander Ikari that pulled her out of the entry plug. He pried open the super-heated hatch with his bare hands," she stated.

Now it was Shinji's turn to be taken by surprise. "There's no way!" he exclaimed. "My father did that?" It was unfathomable to him to go out of his way for anyone. His father never stuck his neck out for anyone, not even him... Why had he done something like that for Ayanami?

Ritsuko nodded once again. "Yes, he really did," she replied. "Didn't Rei tell you?"

Shinji frowned. No, she hadn't told him. Why didn't she tell him? And why did that make him feel so uncomfortable? "No..." he replied. "I guess she didn't..."

Rei sat by herself next to the pool during gym class. All the other girls were having a grand time swimming but she sat alone by herself in her own world. She'd overslept and been late to school which was something that had never happened to her before. Rationally it could be explained by her expending excess energy cleaning her apartment but it was still something noteworthy. Since she'd been granted her newest life more and more common things that normal people experienced regularly had been happening to her.

She'd not had a chance to talk to Ikari-kun at all since she'd seen him home the night before. This was the biggest downside she'd experienced from being late, even more so than being chewed out in front of the student body by Class Representative Horaki. Just observing him however, he seemed nervous, like he had something he wanted to ask her whenever he looked her way. She couldn't help but wonder what that was about.

She looked to her left, down at the benches where a number of the boys in the class were sitting. Ikari-kun was among them. He was staring up at her her, even though his features were hard to make out from such a distance. Slowly she brought her hand up and gave him a gentle wave to acknowledge shed seen him and he responded in kind before Suzuhara and Aida grabbed his attention.

She turned back towards the pool and brought her hands around her knees. The activation test was tomorrow and she was nervous. Even thinking about that inevitability was hard. She hoped that Unit 00 would not reject her and that things would go as they previously had. This also meant that Ikari-kun would show up at her apartment with her new ID card. Thinking of that made her think back to how happy and warm she'd been the previous day when he had given her his soup. She was looking forward to making tea for him. Maybe then she could get a chance to talk to him about whatever was on his mind...

It was odd that Ayanami had been late to school, normally she was there before he was. She looked tired when she'd shown up, like she hadn't gotten enough sleep. Shinji had hoped he'd have a chance to talk to her today but so far the opportunity had eluded him.

From where Shinji sat on the field he had a clear view of her up by the pool. She was sitting by herself and it seemed that the stories of her being a loner at the school were true... He wanted to talk about what had happened when she'd gotten injured. He wasn't sure why but the fact that she hadn't told him about his father being the one to save her really bugged him. What was the point in hiding something like that from him, if that was her intent at all? Rei Ayanami was a girl of few words, perhaps she just didn't feel it important? The girl was truly full of mysteries.

She somehow must have noticed him eyeing her up at the pool where she sat and she waved to him after a moment. He returned the wave in kind, smiling though he doubted she could see it. Maybe he was being a bit paranoid... whoever rescued her wasn't that important and he was still glad she was okay. Even so, in spite of himself he couldn't help but wonder... why had she chosen him of all people to be her first friend?

"Hey Shin man, whatcha doin?" Touji interrupted his thoughts.

Shinji snapped around to face him. "Ah- n-nothing," he stammered.

Kensuke snickered and threw his arm around Touji. "You're staring at Ayanami, aren't you? You like her a lot, huh?" he asked with a devilish smirk.

From the heat that rushed to his face he knew he was turning red. "I- it-its not like that..." he protested, shrinking away from the pair.

"Hey, it's alright," Touji teased. "Even though she's the cold and silent type, she is pretty cute. Not to mention she's got a nice rack."

Why did they have to drool over every girl in school? For that matter, was he not allowed to just be friends with a girl? Touji was right that she was kinda cute but that was besides the point! They were friends... just friends. "It's not like that!" he huffed angrily.

"Oh?" Kensuke asked while pushing his glasses up his nose and still smirking. "then what is it like?"

Shinji composed himself and looked back over at Ayanami. "Remember how she was injured?" he replied.

"Yeah," Touji said. "Some kind of accident with her Eva, right?"

Shinji nodded. "That's right," he said. "Well... my father was the one that pulled her out of the entry plug."

Both of his friend's eyes widened. "Your dad?" Kensuke asked. "Isn't he the head of NERV?"

"Yeah," Shinji returned with a nod.

"So what's buggin' you?" Touji asked. "What does this have to do with anything?"

Shinji scowled. "I was just wondering why she didn't tell me, that's all..." he muttered.

Kensuke shrugged. "Who knows," he said. "That girl is a mystery. Considering how little she talks she probably didn't think it was an important detail. You're friends, you should just ask her."

Shinji nodded. Kensuke had a point. Why was he just thinking of reasons for her omission and when he could just talk to her? "Yeah..." he said as he glanced back up at Ayanami one more time. "Maybe I will..."

It was unfortunate that this would have to wait as he was scheduled for a synch test right after the end of school. Misato would be waiting for him in her car outside by the time the final bell sounded. He didn't enjoy her kamikaze style of driving enough, but it also meant that he couldn't walk home with Ayanami, and the next day was Sunday... Maybe she had to be at NERV too. If so, maybe he would get a chance to talk to her there... No, he didn't want to wait. It would be best to just ask her about it before they left school.

When school ended, Rei reluctantly left her seat. She was not looking forward to going to NERV to perform the final checks with Unit 00 before its activation. As the hours counted down she only grew more nervous. Then there was the knowledge that the Fifth Angel would arrive immediately afterwards which only compounded on her level of stress.

She walked through the halls of the school side by side with Ikari-kun. Though she wanted to voice her concerns she knew that she couldn't. How could she even go about expressing her fears over events that had not yet come to pass but she had already been through? It was yet another one of the downsides of Yui Ikari's gift to her. The fact that only she had experienced the entirety of the war against the Angels and Third Impact in the life she was living now... that would always be isolating.

"So..." Ikari-kun spoke softly, his tone belying a sense of uncertainty. He sounded like something was on his mind. "I, uh, I wanted to ask you about the accident with Unit 00."

Rei glanced at him. "What is on your mind?" she asked.

Ikari-kun looked nervous. "Well... Ritsuko said that my father was the one who pulled you out," he said. "Is that true?"

Rei felt her stomach tie in a knot. She had been worried that he would be upset if he learned it from someone else. Was he upset? Would he push her away? No, Ikari-kun wasn't that kind of person. She should have more faith in him. She should have told him before... Because of that, she felt... guilty. Shame was not a feeling she was used to and she now fully understood the weight it could have on one's heart. "Yes," she replied, her voice coming in a near whisper. "That is the truth."

"Oh..." Ikari-kun replied, a frown washing over his face. "I see..."

A cold, uncomfortable silence washed over them as they descended down the stairs to the lower halls. Rei felt her insides knotting tighter and she felt a little queasy. She had to know how he felt and she had to apologize for her sin of omission, anything to alleviate these feelings... "I'm... sorry," she said softly. "I did not mean to upset you. I felt it an unimportant detail."

Ikari-kun shook his head. "It's fine," he replied. "I just can't help but wonder why he'd go out of his way for you like that. He'd never do go out of his way for me... he never has."

Rei frowned. "Do you not get along with your father?" she asked even though she very well knew the answer. Perpaps it would get him to open up to her more.

Ikari-kun nodded. "I really don't," he stated in an embittered tone. "He... abandoned me. After my mother died he just... left. In the years since we've barely talked and he's never had time for me."

"You're father is a complicated man..." Rei replied softly. "He is very committed to his work and does not let people into his life."

Ikari-kun's scowl deepened. "I guess you know him pretty well," he grumbled. "Since you've probably been at NERV for a long time."

She knew she couldn't tell him about her origins, not yet, but she had to tell him something. "Your father is the reason I am an Eva pilot," she spoke right as they reached the doors of the school.

Ikari-kun stopped in his tracks and looked at her surprised. "What?" he murmured, his eyes wide and confused.

She couldn't hide from him, not when he was looking at her like that. She had elaborate but she couldn't lie... if she lied that would only serve to thicken the walls between them and she wanted to tear them down. She steeled herself and met his gaze. "Commander Ikari is my legal guardian. He took me in when I was young, after I was selected as the First Child," she replied in an even voice. It was a half truth, but the truth none the less.

Ikari-kun blinked. "H- how come you didn't tell me?" he stammered.

What should she say? On the outside she retained her usual implacable front but inside she was reeling. She had to get her next words right or... she didn't want to even acknowledge those possibilities. She could feel his hurt look and gazed down at the ground "I... thought you might find it... strange," she said after a moment of hesitation. "I'm... sorry."

Ikari-kun looked away from her, that somber frown returning to his face. "Well, I do think it's strange," he bit out after a moment's pause. "I get it. I get why that would be hard to say."

Rei felt relief crash over her in a huge wave. "T- thank you," she stuttered and it surprised her. She never slipped on her words...

Ikari-kun laughed wryly. "That's just like him though," he spat. "I could never please him so he finds someone who can. I wasn't meant to be an Eva pilot but you were... I guess that's why he took you in, huh?"

Rei nodded in reply. It was not far from the truth of the matter. "Does that make you... jealous?" she asked. "Of me?"

She could see his lip twitching. "To be honest... yeah," he replied in a hushed voice. "I am."

Now it was her turn to scowl. Thinking about how in the past timeline the way Commander Ikari had treated her, had let her die, had... violated her with Adam... it disgusted her. Ikari-kun had no idea of the role in his fathers plans that she played and if he knew he would be disgusted as well. But she couldn't tell him those things, not yet, though she very much wished to. "My position is not one to envy," she returned flatly.

Ikari-kun sighed. "I can't help it," he replied. "He's my father... I just want him to let me know he still cares and here you are living with him."

"I live alone," Rei stated.

Those words had a dramatic and instantaneous effect. She watched as his eyes grew wide once again before he glanced downward. "Oh..." he murmured. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to assume."

Rei shook her head slightly. "It is understandable," she replied.

Ikari-kun shifted on his feet uncomfortably. "If... you live alone then... how is my father your guardian?"

The tides were shifting and now Rei was beginning to become uncomfortable with the conversation. The past of bitter memories of a future yet to be thrashed across her consciousness. His words only reminded her of how no one had ever cared for her, except him... Spinning the truth as not to cause a storm was starting to hurt. Telling one partial truth after another to cover for a prior sin of omission... she felt she was becoming not unlike Commander Ikari... "I am his ward only in an official sense," she replied, her gaze falling to the ground. "It was necessary so I could pilot the Eva."

Ikari-kun scowled. "I see..." he growled. "That's just like him too..."

"Hey!" a cheerful voice called out to them from the edge of school grounds. "Are you two gonna stand there all day? We need to go!"

Both she and Ikari-kun looked over to see Captain Katsuragi waving at them. Ikari-kun turned to her. "Do you have to be at NERV today?" he asked.

She nodded. "I have to perform some checks with Unit 00 for tomorrow," she replied.

He looked over at Captain Katsuragi. He still was frowning but his tone was lightened ever so slightly when he spoke again. "Do you want to ride with me?"

After how taxing their talk had been, all she could do was nod once again.

Shinji sat in the cockpit of Unit 01 trying his best to focus on the synch test. He still didn't quite feel comfortable sitting in the cockpit even after having fought against two Angels. For the life of him he didn't understand why these tests took so long. He barely paid any attention to Ritsuko and Lt. Ibuki's voices as they called out data points and long winded science terms. His mind was elsewhere.

On the ride to NERV he'd sat in the front passenger seat beside Misato while Ayanami had sat in the back. Surprisingly, Misato didn't tease him on the ride. She'd gotten a few pretty good jabs in at his expense ever since she'd found out about his friendship with his fellow pilot in the past day but he could only assume she let up because Ayanami was with them. It was either that or she could sense he had a lot on his mind. It was probably the latter, as Misato rarely had any qualms about embarrassing him around other people.

Finding out that Ayanami was his father's ward had been a storm of emotions. It had upset him that she hadn't told him before but he understood why she wouldn't, it was as, as she put it, a strange thing. Still, despite the fact that they didn't live together and his father basically was only her guardian in appearance only, the jealousy was still there. It hurt to think that his father had abandoned him and then taken in someone else... The fact that he was that much of a disappointment that his father would do that... it really pissed him off. He wasn't angry at Ayanami, heck, he even felt a bit sorry for her. No... that anger was focused directly on his father. The last thing she'd said before Misato had interrupted their conversation reminded him of how truly cold the man could be.

Yet... there still was that sense of longing. So what if he was the second choice to pilot the Eva, he was still his son. Why couldn't he just... appreciate him? When he thought about it, if he'd been like Ayanami and trained to pilot from a young age he probably would be much more comfortable behind the controls. Hell, he might even be good at it by now! Why had his father just thrown him to the side? Why did his father never believe in him? Why did his father never talk to him? Shinji had no answer to any of those questions...

"The Synchronization levels are good," he heard Lt. Ibuki call out over the comms. "The harmonics are a little erratic but within operational parameters."

His frown lightened just a little. At least he was good at something... He looked over at Unit 00 and caught sight of Ayanami fussing with something on the outside of her entry plug. Then he noticed his father walking over. Ayanami stopped what she was doing and climbed down to stand before him. They started talking and he watched until his father turned on his heel and left. Despite Ayanami telling him that her position was not one to be envied, he still did, even if it wasn't justified...

Rei was worried. Ikari-kun hadn't said anything to her since they were at school at that was cause for worry. While she went about checking the plug's systems after the harmonics test she couldn't focus on it and had to repeat a few things to make sure she'd done them properly. The idea that he could still be upset with her was... distracting.

"Rei," the low baritone voice called out to her, one that could only have belonged to Commander Ikari.

Reflexively she snapped to attention and jumped down from her Eva to the catwalk below. "Yes sir," she responded once she'd caught her footing.

"I see that your injuries have healed," he spoke, ever to the point of things. "Are you ready to proceed with the reactivation of Unit 00 as scheduled?"

She nodded in affirmation. "Yes sir," she replied.

He nodded. "That's good to hear," he said. "After that we can move to the next stages in our plans."

She knew he was referring to the Dummy Plug System and if filled her with dread. Soon she would have her first regular memory transfer for that purpose and she knew that could spell her doom. She made a mental note to find some way to ensure a possibility of survival should her memories that shouldn't exist come to light. "Yes sir," she replied, remaining outwardly calm. "I am ready to proceed as planned."

"Excellent," Commander Ikari returned, a small grin appearing on his features. It was not a warm smile like when Ikari-kun smiled. To her it seemed more like a callus smirk. "You have never let me down, Rei. I can always count on you."

Or you will replace me... she voiced internally. "It is my duty, sir," she replied coolly. "As it is Pilot Ikari's as well."

The commander's grin fell and even though his glasses obscured much, she could see his eyes soften just a little. It was a rare moment of humanity shining through, one that few ever got to see. "Indeed," he returned. "My son... how is he?"

Rei blinked. Did he... just... ask about Ikari-kun? "How so do you mean?" she responded, trying her best to hide her confusion.

That moment of concern on his part vanished in an instant. Once again the commander's face became stony and cold. "Is Pilot Ikari adapting to life as an Eva Pilot?" he pressed. "I have heard rumors that he had contemplated resigning from NERV. That said, do you think he will be reliable accompanying you on the battlefield?"

To anyone else it would appear that Commander Ikari had intended these questions from the start but Rei knew him better than that. He was covering for a display of genuine concern, something he would feel as weakness. She dipped her head and fought the urge to grin. It seemed that she was right in her hypothesis that he still cared about his son. This... this could be exploited for her plans. "I do, sir. He is kind, loyal, and does his best to help others. I have faith in his capabilities." she replied. "As should you."

Commander Ikari stiffened ever so slightly. After a moment's pause, he reached up and adjusted his glasses. "I see..." he said, his voice still cold, but less cold than previously. The look in his eyes had returned. "So you've put your trust in him?"

Rei knew she was treading dangerous waters but she knew that he did not fault her for her opinion. The memories of how Ikari-kun had held her hand and pulled her from her entry plug after the Fifth Angel flashed in her mind. A part of her couldn't help but wonder if something like that would happen again when the Angel arrived in this timeline... She nodded. "I trust he will perform with valor," she stated.

Commander Ikari nodded. "See to it that he does," he replied as he turned on his heel and began walking away.

Ritsuko sat at the floor table in Misato's apartment. After the completion of the tests at NERV she'd been invited over for dinner and despite her exhaustion she'd accepted as it had been quite a while since she'd spent time with her closest friend outside of work. With all that was going on since the return of the Angels she'd been pulling a number of all night shifts and it was wearing on her. She could definitely use a bit of levity even if it came at such late hours. Her cats could wait a little while to be fed before they went nuts, right? Why did it feel like she was forgetting something though?

However, upon seeing the food, she began to regret her choices. The meal before her was curry of the instant variety along with instant rice. She couldn't help feel a bit of disgust. "What is this stuff?" she asked, wrinkling her nose at it.

"It's curry," Misato replied.

"You're still eating this instant crap?" she asked, grimacing.

Misato crossed her arms. "Hey, you're a guest so you have no right to complain," she pouted.

Ritsuko gazed down at her plate. Her friend was right but good gods it still looked unappealing... She shivered just looking at it.

"Misato-san, don't you want any?" Shinji asked.

It was then that Ritsuko noticed that Misato didn't have a plate like the rest of them. Hers was inverted and resting on top of some sort of instant noodles. She took the plate off from the top of it and grinned like a madwoman. "Sorry about that, ta da!" she exclaimed, holding up the styrofoam cup. "Slop some of that stuff on top of this stuff!"

Shinji's face took on an incredulous and disbelieving expression. "You can't be serious..." he murmured. Ritsuko didn't blame him for saying it, she was thinking it...

"Go on!" Misato cheerfully replied. "It really tastes great!"

"Uh, okay..." Shinji responded nervously, obliging her request.

"Ordinary curry flavored instant ramen can't be this good!" Misato declared. "Come on guys, dig in! The key is to use a little less water in the soup so it forms a sludge!"

Ritsuko couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at how Misato sucked down her noodles with great gusto. She and Shinji both raised a spoonful of curry to their lips and took a bite. Instantly a horrendous taste registered in her mouth. She grimaced, forcing herself to swallow. "Misato cooked, didn't she," she choked out.

Shinji sighed and hung his head. "You could tell?" Misato asked between swallowing gigantic mouthfuls of noodles.

"How could I not?" she choked out. Who else could make instant curry taste so horrible? she added internally. She glanced over at her friend who was hapily scarfing down her slop. "Next time you have me over, make sure it's Shinji's night to cook..."

Ritsuko managed to stomach the provided meal with great difficulty. The copious amounts of beer in Misato's fridge certainly helped with that. Maybe it was the beer talking, maybe it was food, but she couldn't help but voice what was on her mind. "Shinji, you should really move out," she said. "You shouldn't let one bad roommate ruin your life."

"I'm used to it now," Shinji replied. "It's no big deal."

"He's right, Ritsuko," Misato piped up. "Never underestimate the human animal and its ability to adapt to its surroundings. Anyway, it's gonna be-" She paused for a moment, shaking her empty beer can. "Uh, Shinji-kun, can I have another?"

Shinji nodded. "Ah- yes, Misato-san," he said as he stood from the table.

Misato set her beer can down beside her now empty cup of ramen. "Besides, he'd have to go through a lot of red tape. He just got his permanent security clearance, you know," she continued.

That was what she'd forgot! How could she forget something like that! It really seemed that she'd been letting the stresses of work get to her if she had neglected something as important as that... Gendo would certainly have some words for her if he were to find out... She needed her new card to get into NERV for her test tomorrow, but who could help her with that? Of course! Shinji! "Oh! I almost forgot!" Ritsuko exclaimed. She rummaged through her purse and to find Rei's renewed ID card. "Shinji-kun, I need a favor."

"What is it, Ritsuko-san?" Shinji asked as he set Misato's can of beer down.

Ritsuko located the item of her search and handed it to Shinji. "This is Rei's new security card. I keep forgetting to give this to her," she said. "Would you mind giving this to her before going in to headquarters tomorrow?"

"Sure," he said, taking the card from her.

She watched as Shinji stared at Rei's photograph, a fascinated look washing over him. Rei had told her about her friendship with the Third Child but what sort of effect had she been having on him? Certainly she had an effect on the boy if he was staring at her picture like that... "What's the matter?" she asked. "You look like you're in a trance."

Shinji visibly flinched and stared back at her with wide eyes. She could see why Misato liked teasing him so much. "Wh- What do you mean?" he stammered.

"Ha!" Misato yelled. "I knew it! You've got a crush on Rei! Cheer up, now you've got an excuse to go see her!"

Shinji looked like he was about to have a heart attack. "I do not!" he protested.

"Oh?" Misato slurred. "Then why are you looking at her picture like that? Come on, I know you two have been getting along and you're a boy after all!"

Shinji huffed and sat back down at the table. "It's not like that at all!" he grumbled. "We're just friends, that's all..."

Misato laughed. "You know I love to tease you," she said.

"I wish you wouldn't..." Shinji grumbled in reply.

"You're too easy to get a rise out of!" Misato countered.

Ristuko chuckled to herself. "Just like someone else we know..." she mused, glancing over at Misato who immediately got the hint and crossed her arms in defeat. She turned to Shinji, herself curious about what what was on the Third Child's mind. "What is it then?"

Shinji's scowl deepened and he placed Rei's ID card on the table. "Ayanami told me she's my father's ward and that she... lives alone," he muttered. "I was just wondering... how that came to be?"

Misato nearly choked on her beer. "Huh?" she asked with a look of utter confusion. "You mean Commander Ikari is her guardian?"

Ritsuko grimaced. That wasn't supposed to be known. Even Misato didn't know that information! "That's right," she stated. "Why? Were the two of you talking about it?"

Shinji nodded. "Yeah," he replied, looking down at the card on the table. "I was just wondering why she lives alone... that's all..."

Ritsuko frowned. It was impossible for her to tell him the truth as to why. The truth was something no one except her, Fuyutuski, and Gendo knew... Still she had to say something to respond to his inquiry. If she dodged the question then that would only raise more questions and she risked exposing just how dark and deep things were in the bowels of NERV... "Neither her or your father are very social people so it's probably better for them that way," she replied. "Supposedly he took her in after she was selected to be an Eva pilot.

"But that doesn't explain why she lives alone," Misato interjected, her words slurred. Clearly the beer was having a pronounced effect on her. "Not to mention why would he take her in if he sent Shinji away?"

Shit. She had to come up with something convincing or Misato was going to start digging around. Then again, it didn't take much to convince a drunk of anything... "I suppose he did it for the sake of the Eva program," she replied calmly though inside she was far less than calm. "I'd imagine that he doesn't have much time for anything outside of that and she's always been a recluse. They're both probably better off that way."

Shinji huffed and crossed his arms. "That sounds like my father..." he muttered. "He never had time for me either."

Ritsuko could sense the conflict and the jealousy radiating off of the boy in waves. It was pathetic but she could relate to it as well...

Shinji walked through the dilapidated halls and stairways of the building that bore the same address as Ayanami's card. It was in a bad neighborhood and he couldn't help but be on his toes, flinching at every little sound that wasn't from his own footsteps crunching on some form of trash. The words that Ayanami had said the previous day about how he had no need to be jealous of her were ringing in his ears. He was beginning to understand why she had said such a thing...

After a precarious ascension over newspaper and needle ridden stairs he stood before the apartment indicated on her card, room 402. The mail slit in the door was empty but he noted that the hinged slat that should have gone over it was completely rusted as was all of the metalwork on her door save for the handle. He pressed the button on the buzzer next to the door but found it was completely nonfunctional. Shinji knocked on the door and rested his hand on the door handle. It didn't budge, thankfully the girl had a lock to keep whatever degenerates lived in the building out... He knocked firmly on the door after a moment of hesitation. "Ayanami?" he called out. "It's me, Ikari. Ritsuko-san sent me with your new ID card."

He stood there staring at the door for what seemed like forever and he was half tempted to put her new card through the mail slat and get the hell out of the decrepit apartment complex. How could his father make her live in such a disgusting environment? He was pretty sure he'd stepped in hobo urine on the floor below... Then, just as he was about to just put the card in her mail and leave, her door opened.

She was wearing her usual school uniform shirt and a pair of what seemed like medical issue sleep pants. Her hair was messy and wet and it looked like she had thrown clothes on in a rush. She must have been taking a shower in the moments before he arrived. He wasn't a pervert, or at least he tried not to be, but knowing she'd been bathing moments before... no! Shinji shoved those impure thoughts down into the darkest depths of his consciousness. Still, he couldn't help bit admit she was kind of attractive... The sight of her in a half buttoned shirt barely clinging to her shoulders made his cheeks flush. "Oh, ah, hey Ayanami," he stammered, holding up the card for her. "I brought your new ID. Ritsuko-san said to drop it off before going to NERV today."

She took the ID card and nodded curtly. "I apologize for making you wait, I was in the bath. Would you like to come in?" she asked. "I have tea made."

Shinji shuffled his feet. He had some time to kill and hopefully the inside of her apartment wouldn't be as filthy as the outside... "Is that alright?" he asked, glancing down at her uncovered feet with a nervous look.

Though her face retained its usual steely appearance, he could have sworn he saw her cheeks redden just a little and her eyes widen ever so slightly. She nodded. "Yes," she replied. "Tea is on the stove. Help yourself while I finish getting dressed."

Shinji stepped into the apartment and looked around. Her living quarters were quite small wish sparse appointments. Her sink had copper deposits near the handles and the drain. Almost every crack in the wall tiles seemed stained with... something. She only had one dresser and it looked like it was brand new twenty years before Second Impact. Her bed was basically a hospital cot which had rust near the steel joints. The walls were barren and gray but at least the floor looked like she regularly swept and mopped it. As he grabbed a cup for his tea and lifted the kettle from the stove, he could tell that she'd recently tried to scrape the corrosion off of the burner. It seemed like she was making a valiant effort to maintain this place but the rust and dust-bunnies were clearly winning that war... Why does my father have her living in this filthy place? he thought to himself. No wonder she's so quiet and withdrawn. Shit... if I hadn't moved in with Misato-san, would I be living in a place like this?

He took a sip of his tea and his eyes widened. It was good! It actually... kinda reminded him of how he liked to make it, just a bit bitter. Ayanami emerged from the washroom with her uniform this time completely assembled and grabbed a cup for herself. He watched as she delicately poured the hot liquid into a cup and took a long slow sip. Shinji couldn't help but stare at her. What sort of life had she lived that led her to being in this kind of place? He wanted to ask her but... he couldn't think of what to say. Prying into someone's private life or telling them their home looks like crap is rude no matter what way you slice it. That said, the silence between the two of them was thick enough one could cut it with a knife. "The tea is very good," Shinji blurted after what seemed like an eternity. "Thanks..."

Ayanami's face turned just a little red and she turned her head ever so slightly away. "I... learned how to make it a while ago," she replied, fidgeting with the side of her skirt just a little. "Though I never had company to share it with until now."

Shinji took another sip and took another look around the room, taking in the sights of slow decay. Even her ceiling was falling apart... He knew it was rude but he couldn't help himself. He had to know why his father would put her up in such a horrible place to live. "Um... Ayanami?" he began nervously.

She sipped her tea. "What is it?" she asked.

Shinji glanced around the room. Might as well bite the bullet... "How come..." he was hesitating to spit it out. "How come... my father has you living in this place?" he eventually asked.

Ayanami finished her cup of tea and placed it on the kitchen counter. He could tell from the look in her eyes that she didn't like living here either. "It is where I was assigned," she replied. "Nothing more..."

Shinji scowled. Seeing her just sit there accepting that pissed him off. "It's cruel..." he hissed. "No one should live in a place like this..."

"I'm used to it," Ayanami stated flatly.

Shinji shook his head. It felt so wrong, hearing her say something so defeatist like that. Even when he was living with his teacher at least he had a clean place to sleep and wasn't living around junkies and gutter trash. "You shouldn't be..." he said, barely above a whisper.

She shook her head, a frown coming over her. "It doesn't matter," she replied. "Any request for a transfer would be swiftly denied. I... make the best of it."

Shinji sipped down the last of his tea and placed it on the counter next to Ayanami's. "You were right," he grumbled. "I have no reason to envy you for being closer with my father... To think that he has you living here... It makes me mad."

"Do you hate your father?" Ayanami asked.

Shinji felt his heart lurch in his chest. He'd asked himself that question many times before but it was a totally different thing to have someone else asking that. There were times where he certainly felt like he did, times where all he wanted to do was scream at him and times where he wished he wasn't his father. Even through that... he still was and he couldn't change that despite how depressing that was at times. If he really hated his father then he probably never would have come to Tokyo 3. He probably would have left already if he did. There still remained that faint hope that one day his father might accept him and want him... Even though that hope was damaged all the time, he couldn't help but hold on to it, shrinking as it might be... "I don't know," he replied. "I don't think so. I kinda do... I want to sometimes but... I still want our relationship to be better. Does that make any sense?"

Ayanami nodded. She had a somber look on her face that spoke volumes. "It does," she said.

Shinji knew that they'd probably spent more time standing in Ayanami's apartment than they should have and the conversation was getting uncomfortable. "We should probably be heading to NERV," he returned softly.

Ayanami nodded once again. "Indeed," she said. She turned on her heel and headed for the door. "Would you accompany me?"

He had no choice but to follow after her.

Rei was nervous and conflicted, even more than she had been in the days leading up to her test if that was even possible. Since she'd woken up in the morning it had been an interesting day so far.

She'd tried to finish some last minute cleaning, having expected Ikari-kun to arrive with her card. She'd already planned it out that she'd make tea and talk with him for a little bit before going in but she hadn't expected to spill a bottle of floor cleaner all over her shirt while she waited for him. She'd hopped in the shower hoping that she'd have a chance to eliminated the smell of pine from her body before he'd arrived but alas he had shown up just as she was getting out. She'd thrown clothes on in a haste and greeted him at the door. Despite not exposing herself to him he still seemed embarrassed by her appearance and she... couldn't help but feel a bit embarrassed as well, seeing how he was looking at her. For some reason though, she didn't completely dislike how he'd regarded her but it... stirred feelings she had no name for. One thing she did conclude from it was that there was a strange kind of irony in it. Despite how things had changed, there certainly was an element that had stayed the same...

The talk that they'd had over tea had gotten her thinking about a great many things. The question that she'd asked of Ikari-kun as to whether he hated Commander Ikari had gotten her thinking about her answer to that question. There was a time where she had admired him that was now a distant memory. Now, even though she detested his plans and her part in it... she found herself having a hard time mustering feelings of true hatred. She certainly felt contempt, but she didn't hate him. In fact... she sympathized with him. After what she'd been through, when she thought about it, a part of her could understand why he wanted what he wanted... Above this, she knew, buried beneath his obsessions she knew that in his own twisted way he still cared about Ikari-kun and he cared about her...

And that's why she knew she could change things if she played her cards right. Her best bet was to try and push Ikari-kun and Commander Ikari together, to get them talking, but after how he'd reacted to her living quarters that possibility seemed a long shot at best. It seemed that the more she told him of her situation that course of action was actually becoming less of an option. No... she couldn't let that path slip through her fingers. It was still her best chance for success... As she and Ikari-kun spared small bits of conversation on the walk to NERV she barely paid it any mind. It was idle chat anyway. As much as she enjoyed speaking with Ikari-kun, the motors in her mind were firing on all cylinders trying to refine what little plan she had.

Perhaps... perhaps she could actually talk to Commander Ikari. Maybe, if he really did care about her then maybe she could get away with being bold enough to ask him why he sent away his son and potentially push them together... It was a ludicrous notion, but it was the best course of action she could think of to advance her scenario.

She scowled. Scenario... she hated how much she was starting to sound like him...

She and Ikari-kun parted ways just before the Eva cages. With moments to spare she made it to the locker rooms and changed into her white plug suit. As she pressed the vacuum seal on her wrist she breathed a nervous sigh. Now the moment had arrived and she'd have to face Unit 00...

The last time she'd sat in an entry plug was when she'd fought against the Eleventh Angel and sacrificed herself to save Ikari-kun back in her previous life. That memory was bad enough to make her never want to pilot again but... she had to. She had to get her unit to work. It was still a very low possibility and and even lower probability that she would fail to get it activated, but the possibility was there none the less. The Fifth Angel would be here soon, most likely later that day.

The Fifth Angel... She inhaled sharply at the memory. What if... what if that went differently? What if Ikari-kun couldn't be recovered before the armor of his Eva was melted through? No... she couldn't think about that. Everything would be fine, just like it had been so far. She had to have faith that things would be alright the second time through.

As she exited and began to head towards her unit, she caught sight of Ikari-kun, waiting there by the entrance to the room where Unit 00 was being held. "Are you nervous?" he asked.

"A little," she replied. Truth be told, she was more than a little nervous...

"Well, ah, good luck, Ayanami," he said with a lopsided grin.

It was such a simple thing but it touched her. It made her feel warm inside. She nodded in reply, a hint of a grin making its way to her features as she walked past him and toward Unit 00.

Ritsuko stood beside Gendo in the repaired control room as the minutes until the reactivation of Unit 00 ticked down. The commander appeared the picture of confidence as he stood staring out the window with his hands clasped behind his back. "Are you sure you've worked out the connection issues?" he asked, glancing at her over his shoulder.

She nodded. "Yes," she replied. "Everything should have been accounted for. The odds of a repeat of last time are less than 1%."

Gendo nodded curtly. "I pray you're right," he replied. "The report cited mental instability on the part of the pilot. Has this been managed or will it have an effect on the test?"

Ritsuko frowned. "Commander, despite... everything, she's still a teenage girl," she countered. Odd, when had she ever come to Rei's defense? Maybe it was just because the commander's words were a little harsh. "Being an Eva pilot is a stressful business."

"Regardless of the rigors, it is her duty," Gendo stated, his voice icy.

Ritsuko was right, he was being harsh. "Despite what she is, you can't just condition everything out of her," she returned. "I think her friendship with your son is proof of that."

Gendo turned to her in full with a steely look. "You still haven't answered my initial question, Dr. Akagi," he flatly responded, a dark tone taking over his voice. "I asked if any mental instability will effect the test this time. Yes or no?"

Ritsuko in spite of her feelings for Gendo Ikari could still find the man incredibly intimidating. "No sir," she replied, though in the back of her mind she wasn't completely sure.

Gendo turned away, staring back out at Unit 00. "Good..." he voiced quietly before returning to his usual level and commanding tone. "We will begin the test shortly. Start the final preparations."

She nodded. "Yes sir," she replied.

Ritsuko went about setting the final parameters on the computer systems that would run analysis for the test. She glanced at Gendo a few times as she did and the look he had on his face mystified her. He looked to be completely consumed with thought and staring off into space.

Rei sat in the entry plug inside Unit 00. She was trying her best to steady her breathing. The feeling of LCL felt familiar but it also brought back many bad memories but she couldn't dwell on them. She had to focus on the task at hand which was getting her Eva activated without having it go berserk. She needed to focus solely on that. There would be time to reflect on anything else at a later point...

"Rei, can you hear me?" the commander's voice came over the radio.

She keyed her mic. "Yes," she replied.

"We will no begin the Evangelion Unit 00 reactivation experiment," she heard him say. "Initiate primary connection."

The usual sequence of events that preceded full activation were going smoothly. She barely paid any mind to what the technicians were saying over the radio, she was too focused on calming her mind and connecting with the enormous cyborg. After a few moments, the displays all around her came to life and she could see into the test chamber.

"We have synchronization," she heard one of the bridge staff members declare.

Rei breathed a sigh of relief and closed her eyes. It seemed like she'd been worried over nothing and the test would go exactly the same as how she'd remembered it... until all of a sudden she felt a shooting pain in her skull and everything went red in the cockpit.

"The pulse is reversing! Threat of mental contamination is rising!" she could hear Dr. Akagi shouting. No... this couldn't be happening! She needed it to work! She needed to be able to go out and fight when the Fifth Angel arrived!

Rei felt her stomach churning and her chest getting tight. "We've lost communication with the pilot!" she heard Dr. Akagi shout just before the plug was plunged into complete silence. Why was this happening!?

There was a voice that seemed to come from within the Eva that spoke to her. It didn't use words, it was like... it spoke directly into her mind. Telepathy was a term she'd heard for it. "Who are you?" it asked. "You are me and yet I am me. How is this possible that you are me?"

Rei's eyes widened in fear. This was what she had been afraid of, the soul of Unit 00, the fragment of her first self seeing her for what she was and rejecting her. "I am you. I am all of you. I cannot explain, but I need you to trust me," she whispered through gritted teeth.

"I can see your heart," came the voice again. She opened her eyes and she could have sworn she saw the outline of the face of her younger self in the currents of the plug's LCL. "You hate him too. You hate her. Won't you let me kill them?"

Rei gritted her teeth. As much as she resented their actions toward her, that was too strong a word for the commander and the doctor... "I don't hate them..." she hissed.

"It would be easy," the voice from the void stated. "Just turn me loose!"

"I can't!" Rei hissed. "I won't..."

"Why?" came the pointed response.

Rei grimaced as she gripped the controls in the plug. The voice was right, it would be easy... just let Unit 00 go berserk and kill them... but if she did that then they'd still have to contend with the Angels and she would most likely be eliminated if it were discovered she allowed the Eva to kill them, especially if the details of her existence came to light... "Because I can't!" she hissed. "Just trust me!"

"Why should I trust you?" her younger self spat. "You are the commander's doll. We both were. We both suffered because of him. We died because of the old hag!"

"I am not a puppet!" Rei growled, anger filling her. Being reminded of that was painful, especially considering who and what was reminding her. "I am no one's puppet! Not anymore!"

The pressure on her head seemed to lessen. "You are not the Rei Ayanami I was. You are not the Rei Ayanami who I know as the pilot of Unit 00..." the voice whispered.

"I am not," Rei replied. "And yet I am. Please... trust me."

Rei felt as if her head was being drilled into. Invisible tendrils were slithering through her brain and prodding at her memories. It was a sickening and painful experience. "You have seen the future," the voice murmured. "How?"

"I... can't explain," Rei replied. Indeed there was no logical way that she could explain. An explanation didn't matter though. The only thing that mattered was what she was goign to do with the new life she was living... "But I am going to change it. For both of us..."

"How?" the voice asked. "What makes you think that you can change it? What makes you think you can change him?"

Rei gritted her teeth and opened her eyes. The faint outline of her younger self's face could be seen in the reflection off of the forward displays. It looked like that vision was wearing a somber frown with eyes full of tears... She knew she was getting through to it, to... herself. "Because so long as one's heart beats they can change," Rei stated. "It's what makes us human."

"Us..." the voice said. "Human? We're... human?"

"Yes," Rei stated, standing her ground and glaring at the vision in the LCL.

It felt like Unit 00 was thinking, mulling over what she'd said."I see..." the voice said. "You had better be right..." It was almost a threat but there was a hint of... longing there as well. The vision of her younger self disappeared Suddenly the plug was back to full operational capacity and Rei was staring out at the command deck, breathing heavily. She could see by how everyone was standing that they were visibly concerned.

"Synchronization is stable," she heard Dr. Akagi state. "All systems operating as they should. Unit 00 is... activated."

"Rei, are you alright?" Commander Ikari asked, his voice sounding just a bit shaky.

Rei exhaled heavily, relief washing over her. "Yes sir..." she replied.

The test continued as normal but Gendo remained tense. He was nervous and he never got nervous. The commander of NERV was not supposed to get nervous, but what he'd witnessed at the onset of Unit 00's activation was a serious cause for concern...

The unit had shut out their links to it on it's own but it hadn't gone berserk and when they'd regained video feed into the cockpit Rei looked like she'd experienced something terrifying. He would definitely have Dr. Akagi run some tests to figure out what the cause of it. He'd been confident that any problems would have been fixed! Worse still, it brought home to him that he actually did feel a modicum of concern and care for the First Child once again. He hated being reminded of such sentimental things and it seemed that sort of thing was happening more and more...

At the very least he could console himself knowing that development of the artificial S2 organ for Evangelion use was going according to plan. Despite the potential hiccups with Unit 00, his scenario would not be effected. Soon they would be up and running with the Dummy System as well which would hopefully solve any issues they had with unreliable synchronization or unreliable pilots.

A phone rang in the control room and Fuyutuski picked it up. Within moments he placed it down and called to him. "Commander Ikai, an unidentified object has been spotted moving towards Tokyo 3," he said sternly. "It could be the Fifth Angel."

Gendo scowled. He couldn't use Unit 00, not until... whatever had happened with it moments ago had been worked out. "Deploy Unit 01," he called out, his eyes never breaking from the image of Rei Ayanami on his display. He keyed the radio channel to communicate with Unit 00. "Rei, the test was a success. You may disembark."

Rei nodded and the video feed into the plug went dead. Moments later he could see her making her way along the catwalk that snaked behind Unit 00.

"Lock bolts released!" Shinji called out as he began the final checks for Unit 01's launch. He could barely focus on what was going on around him. One moment he'd been mulling about outside the Evangelion cages waiting for Ayanami to finish her test and the next he had been ordered into the cockpit because another Angel had been sighted. It was surreal how little warning there had been. Then again, every time before that he'd been forced to deploy in combat hadn't come with much warning either.

He was going to have to go up and fight once more. He was glad that Ayanami's test had gone well, though from what he'd heard it had a few hiccups, and apparently her unit was not ready to deploy yet so once again he would go into battle alone. That was a disconcerting notion. The memories of his last two combat deployment still filled him with fear. It felt like the seconds counting down to launch were hours. What sort of horror would be waiting for him when he arrived topside? It didn't matter how many times he would have to do it, he would never get used to having to be a soldier...

It was like riding the worlds most terrifying carnival ride every single time he was shot up on the catapult. The gentle hoist clicked rhytmically as he was locked into place. It was a clattering that signaled all to well to him that in moments he would have to go out and fight. He waited in silence for the massive accelartion of the launch, gripping the controls until he heard Misato shouting, "Launch Eva!"

He gripped the controls and rode the catapult until eventually he was at the surface and had a good look at the Angel. It was a giant blue rhomboid diamond floating in the air. Compared to the last two Angels, this one looked pretty harmless. Still, he was wary, if there was anything he'd learned since he'd become a pilot was that he should prepare for anything.

"Shinji-kun! Look out!" he heard Misato scream.

Shinji watched as a small white light began to appear at the equatorial border of the Angel's body. He had barely any time to register what was going on before a giant beam of energy struck his Evangelion square in the chest.

He screamed. His entire world was fire...

Author's notes

edit - fixed the typo as pointed out in He's Super Duper Yummy's review. Seriously, I should probably stop working on these updates when I'm hammered...

Well... things are heating up, literally for poor Shinji. Here we are on the eve of Operation Yashima and the battle against Ramiel. I must say that in the original series that arc was one of my favorites so I'm very much enjoying putting my own spin on those events.

This chapter was quite difficult to write, mostly due to its length. The sheer length has almost put me behind my self imposed weekly schedule... Hopefully I have enough coffee in stock at my apartment to catch up! Still, it certainly had its moments of fun. The scene where Shinji shares his soup was a cute bit of fluff and the apartment scene over tea was also quite enjoyable. Probably the most thrilling for me was doing the reactivation. Rei's little confrontation certainly opens up future plot points that I will be exploring. As to what those might be... I'll leave that to mystery until the reveal. Who likes spoilers anyway?

Reviews are always welcome. To know that this story continues to please makes it okay that I'm losing sleep to write it. I know, I know, it's not good to lose sleep, but I'm practically an insomniac anyway so it's not too big a deal. Knowing that this story might be/can be/is the highlight of someone's day warms my heart. Reading your kind words makes me feel like I'm onto something good. That notion may yet be proven wrong but I'll continue to do my best for you lovely folks. If I do ever start slipping please let me know.

Regards,

A.F.