Chapter 26 – The Recklessness Of Anger
Rei watched Shinji from across the classroom. Ever since the morning she'd been trying to process what he'd told her at the door of Misato's apartment before they'd left for school. When she'd come inside for a cup of coffee she'd hoped he might elaborate a bit further on the subject of his meeting with his father but... he'd chosen not to. In fact, both he and Asuka seemed to prefer to brood rather than make conversation. She'd asked Asuka what was bothering her and she'd ranted about her failed courtship ritual with a friend of Horaki's sisters but only in broad strokes. She'd walked to school side by side with Shinji while Asuka lagged a bit behind and neither of them said much of anything the whole way. Lunch hadn't been much better either. Asuka had decided to drag Horaki off to the roof and Shinji had continued his brooding in silence beside her, only speaking when Suzuhara and Aida had asked him what was wrong and to which he'd given them even less information about what was bothering him than he'd given her...
It hurt. It hurt to see Shinji so obviously in distress and not be able to help him. It hurt to see him so closed off in a way that was almost like he'd been when they'd first met. It hurt to think that Commander Ikari would say such horrible things to his son when she knew he actually did care about him. It hurt to think that all of her gentle nudging, trying to get them to open up to one another, could amount to nothing...
What hurt most of all was how he'd pulled his hand away when she'd first tried to comfort him...
She frowned. What was she to do? What could she do? The answer stubbornly refused to reveal itself. She supposed that the best course of action would be to simply continue trying to get Shinji to talk about it. She knew that if she didn't he could and most likely would enter an angst ridden depressive spiral. That was unacceptable. She wouldn't let him do that, she cared for him too much to allow that to manifest...
It was settled then, after school she would try again, but for now all she could do was wait...
Eventually the end of the school day came around and she made a beeline for Shinji's desk. He regarded her with a somber expression as he gathered his things into his bag. "What's up, Rei? The lesson today was pretty boring, wasn't it?" he said lamely in a clear attempt at small talk.
She nodded. Considering she'd already listened to the majority of these lessons once before already they were indeed a bit boring... "It was," she replied. She paused for a moment, trying to decided on exactly what to say. Well... might as well get right to the point. There was really no way to politely segue into it. "Have you... been able to better process what happened yesterday?"
Shinji scowled and stood from his seat, unwilling to look her in the eye. "Yeah..." he huffed. "It's... one of the only things I've been thinking about all day to be honest. It hurts..."
She frowned. She really hated seeing him like this... "Seeing you like this is... upsetting," she confessed. "I know you're angry at your father but it isn't healthy to let yourself stew in your feelings."
He finally met her gaze, his eyes filled with a mix of hurt and anger. "I know that," he replied. "But what can I really do? I can't change anything..."
No... that wasn't true. People could always change things, she'd learned that thought bitter experience. Rei frowned, remembering how he'd dodged her phone calls the previous day. Did he really not trust her with this matter? "You can talk to you me about it..." she suggested softly.
"I'd lo- I'd like to..." he muttered, fumbling over his words as he looked away from her, his scowl only deepening. Why was he so avoidant with her right now? It reminded her too much of how he'd used to be and she didn't like it... "But I don't see the point. I don't think there's anything you can do about it. Besides, like I said, he doesn't want me in his life..."
Rei's stomach was tying itself in knots. Seeing him sinking into depression made her feel so very cold... "And as I said, I'm sure that isn't true..." she murmured in reply.
Shinji sighed. "How could it not be?" he huffed, his tone filled with bitterness. "He basically told me that I should just give up on him being my father, on him ever treating me like his son... only infants need their parents..."
Silence hung heavy in the air. She wished that she could speak to Commander Ikari about this matter but she knew that wasn't possible. He would shut her down, perhaps even punish her for asking about his personal affairs... Still, she remembered how effected he'd been when she'd said that a parent should be close with their child. He had to have just said what he'd said because of some emotional outburst. Both of them must have had an emotional outburst for this to have happened to them. It was painful to think that all her efforts had come undone because of Shinji's hurt and Commander Ikari's pride... Yes. She knew them both well enough to hypothesize that being the cause. Thinking about it in those terms... the whole situation was so incredibly sad. "I'm sure he didn't mean that..." she replied meekly, staring down at the floor.
Shinji stiffened and let out a snort. "Yeah... as if..." he muttered. "What would make you think that?"
She looked up and stared into his eyes. "From what you told me this morning it sounded like it was an... emotionally charged exchange..." she replied.
His eyebrows knit up and once again he looked away, this time taking a step back from her. "Yeah..." he murmured, his lips contorting even further downward. "Maybe you're right... but I don't know him well enough to judge. It doesn't matter anyway... don't be so concerned about me..."
She stepped closer to him. Why was he trying to push her away? "I care about you, Shinji, you are my friend..." she replied. "I cannot help but be concerned for you..."
Shinji gave her a wan smile. "Thanks..." he murmured. "But I'll be alright... I think. In all seriousness it's no different than it's always been between me and him..."
She wanted to cheer him up so badly... Frantically she thought of what to say, to suggest, to do, anything at all. Her eyes were starting to get cloudy. "I'm... I'm sorry..." was all she could muster, hanging her head.
There was a pause before Shinji spoke again. "It... it's not your fault, Rei," he replied. "It's my problem, not yours..."
She closed her eyes and shook her head. If only he knew how much of a problem it was for her in reality. Even though she knew he was right she still felt horrible for him, guilty for causing him the pain he was feeling for encouraging him to reach out to Commander Ikari, and afraid that her best hope for the future was now out of reach... "Still..." she murmured softly, fighting back the tears. "I'm sorry..."
"It's okay..." Shinji replied softly. "I'll live. I still have Misato and Asuka... and you..." He paused for a moment before continuing, his tone taking on a bitter flavor once more. "Besides, we have to defeat the Angels for the sake of mankind... that's what really matters, right?"
Rei forced down the emotions that were welling in her chest and once more met his gaze. He did have a very good point with those words. "Yes," she returned softly. "You have a point..."
Once more a silence fell between the two of them, the gravity of what had been said settling in. "We should probably head out," Shinji eventually replied to her statement. "It's my day to cook tonight, Asuka and Misato will be upset if I take to long in getting home..."
She nodded. "Yes," she returned. "Let's leave then."
The two of them fell in step beside one another as soon as they entered the hallway. Soon enough they'd exited the school and were walking along the streets of Tokyo 3 in silence. She didn't want him to just go home and stew in his negative feelings... "It would be nice if we could have tea again soon," she spoke, just above a whisper. "Or perhaps I could come by for dinner one of these days."
Shinji sighed. "Well... definitely not today," he replied. "I'm not sure about Misato but I'm positive that Asuka isn't in the mood to have anyone over."
"I see..." she murmured, feeling a bit dejected that he outright denied her suggestions. "I did notice that she seemed in a sour mood as well. It seems that this date she went on profoundly effected her in a negative way."
Shinji grimaced. "Yeah..." he murmured. "She was quite upset about it last night..."
Rei returned her gaze to the sidewalk. She felt so cold. She didn't want him to collapse in on himself and push her away... "Just... let me know if there's anything I can do for you..." she murmured softly There was really nothing else she could say...
"I will," he replied after a moment. "Thanks Rei..."
Even though he still sounded quite somber, his words ignited a tiny spark of the usual warmth she felt when near him. "You are very welcome..." she returned with a soft smile, turning her head to look at him.
He said nothing and kept on staring ahead with a somber expression. Rei's smile faded. She hated seeing him so inconsolable...
Eventually the pair went their separate ways with Rei continuing on to her apartment on her own as the afternoon transitioned into evening. As she continued her trek toward the tenement she called home, she felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness. She detested that feeling. Despite her efforts to break Shinji from his spiraling she found herself swirling in a mix of anger, sadness, loneliness, and guilt. Anger at Commander Ikari for how he'd treated his son... Sadness and loneliness at the fact that despite him stating he would ask her for help he seemed to be withdrawing from her... And guilt, guilt for the fact that if she hadn't tried to push him and his father together neither of them would be in such emotional distress...
On top of those unpleasant feelings, the capstone was that ever present fear, fear that despite her best efforts that her best hope of preventing the end of the world might be out of reach. The fact that she had no clear idea of a fallback plan was terrifying. It felt so overwhelming, as if all of that emotion might physically drown her.
When she reached her apartment she threw herself onto her bed and covered her head with her pillow, if only to block out all of that discomfort for just a little while.
Shinji stood over the sink as he washed the dishes after dinner, lost in his own head. The events of the previous day and night were still weighing on him greatly and the events of today hadn't been much better. All throughout the day he couldn't shake his mind off of his father's words, the fact that Asuka had tried to kiss him, and the fact that he... knew exactly what it was he felt for Rei...
Part of him had really wanted to tell her everything when she'd shown up in the morning. Part of him had really wanted to just confess to her, both what had happened with Asuka and his feelings... but he knew that was a bad idea. He would just get himself hurt in the long run and hurt her and everyone around him in the process. Seeing Asuka glowering into her own cup coffee in the morning had made that perfectly clear... Besides, Rei probably didn't see him as anything other than a friend. As far as he could recall, she'd never said or done anything to indicate she ever did... So he'd decided to go with his original assessment of the situation and just stay silent about everything.
Even so, it was painful purposefully holding everything back from his closest friend, especially when all he wanted to do was talk with her about what had happened between him and his father... but if he did that, the conversation might stray and he might ruin everything with by telling her about how he'd gotten drunk with Asuka, even if he didn't confess to her. Rei would probably be ashamed and appalled by that behavior... It was better if he just did nothing at all...
And through all of this, the anger he was feeling towards his father was only growing in intensity.
The more he played over the exchange that occurred at the cemetery the more it infuriated him. He just couldn't accept that his father had sent him away because he'd thought it was better for him than being raised amid his work. Even if what his father had told him after he'd blown up at him was stirred by an emotional reaction as Rei had suggested it didn't excuse his words. If anything, what Rei had suggested had gotten him thinking about what his father's real motives for meeting with him were... It was a fact that his father hadn't bothered to be in his life until he'd had a use for him. It made him think that if his father actually wanted to have a real relationship with him it was only to forward some selfish end. That would probably explain why he'd reacted so bitterly when he'd called him out, because he was upset his scheme, whatever it was, had failed... The thought really made him mad. It was down right infuriating...
"Hey, Shinji, did you change up the way you seasoned the soup tonight?" Misato asked from where she sat at the kitchen table drinking her beer, shaking him from his thoughts.
He turned around and forced a smile. "Yeah," he replied, trying not to let his dour mood slip into his voice. "I think I might have added a bit more fish stock than normal."
"I kinda liked it," Misato replied cheerfully. "I wouldn't mind if you kept making it that way."
The curtain between the washroom and the kitchen slapped open and out stepped Asuka wrapped in a red towel. She'd just finished bathing. "I'd prefer you didn't," she huffed. "I think it tastes better when you do it the normal way."
Shinji frowned. "Sorry..." he muttered, turning back to the sink and drying off the last of the plates from the meal.
He heard Asuka let out a growl in obvious annoyance. "Dammit, you don't have to apologize for it," she huffed. "It's just soup! It's not that big a deal!"
He turned back to the sink and scowled. "I'll make it the usual way next time," he muttered. "Sorry you didn't like it..."
"Just because I didn't like it doesn't mean you have to apologize!" Asuka snarled.
He turned around, his anger flaring up and being powerless to keep it in check. "Then why even bring it up!?" he shot back. "Do you just want to complain!?"
"Yeah!" she snapped back with an angry expression. "Maybe I do, idiot!"
"Hey, hey, calm down you two," Misato said, setting down her beer. "You're acting like spoiled children."
Asuka immediately turned her attention to Misato. "Oh, and what about you?" she spat. "Coming home falling down drunk last night!? What a joke! And you're supposed to be our guardian!? Just because you're hooking up with Kaji doesn't mean you can act that way!"
Shinji grit his teeth and began putting the now cleaned dishes away, looking away from the angry redhead. He couldn't help but see the hypocritical irony in her calling out Misato like that. After all, she herself hadn't been the most sober last night...
"There's nothing going on between me and Kaji!" Misato retorted indignantly.
Not a second later he could hear the landline phone in Misato's room beep to life. "Hey, Katsuragi," Kaji's cheerful voice sounded from the speaker on the telephone's base. "I've found a bar that serves some nice drinks. How about eight tonight? Bye!" Then the call ended. Shinji would have found this turn of events somewhat humorous if he wasn't in such an unpleasant mood...
Misato let out an audible groan and Asuka emitted a rather unbecoming noise of frustration. "I've never been around anyone who's been in such a totally indecent relationship!" the redhead cried, stamping her foot. "And you're supposed to be our guardian!? What a hypocrite! It's disgusting!"
Shinji had heard enough. He put away the last of the dishes and began stalked off in the direction of his room. Normally he would at least brush his teeth and comb his hair before bed but he honestly didn't have the patience to wait until Asuka was finished in the washroom. After last night he'd prefer to avoid her anyway... "You two bicker all you want," he spat. "I'm going to sleep..."
Ritsuko sat in her office as the night dragged on. Preparations for the pilot's sync test the next day had occupied a good amount of her time in the afternoon and evening so only now was she able to get back to the part of her work that had become her obsession, the Dummy Plug system. She'd managed to finalize the base operation software for the system after much trial and error and now the only thing that remained was Rei's memory files.
She'd decided to metaphorically take a step back and analyze what she could from the data in a very broad sense, the Magi's diagnosis of the problem present in the forefront of her mind. Considering she'd been able to read the files from Rei's "birth" to the time of the accident involving Unit 00 she decided to take stock of the bare minimum data that she could assess. It had been about three and a half months since that incident and all data past that could not be deciphered and integrated, this she'd already long known. However, the Magi's diagnosis had prompted her to assess the file size for a cut section of data from an equal time period before the accident compared to the data to present which couldn't be read... and what she saw was quite worrisome.
The data from the time of accident to the present was more than twice the file size of the three and a half month period before it. Using Occam's Razor as a process of deduction, that meant that something had gotten compressed, most likely duplicate files of some kind had been extracted.
But why? And how was she supposed to solve it when the same errors had occurred even after she'd adjusted the input parameters to the extraction when she'd tried running it a second time?
She flopped back in her chair and sparked a cigarette. There were so many mysteries surrounding the situation. Perhaps she could run the unreadable data through a program to sort and separate it? Yeah, that sounded like a sensible idea. She could only hope it would work.
Ritsuko keyed up the necessary programs, set them to execute, and waited. She watched in anticipation over the next few minutes as the program loaded and processed from zero to one hundred percent completion. When they finished a message popped up on her screen...
Error. No duplicate files found.
She took a long drag off her cigarette and scowled. How was that possible? If the file size was more than double there had to be a duplication somewhere, right? It was baffling and infuriating. Was she going insane or was there something that she was missing?
There had to be something missing... but what? As with so many nights previous, the answer eluded her.
Ritsuko stood up and snubbed her cigarette. She was getting too frustrated to think straight so it was probably for the best if she just let it go until tomorrow. One way or another she'd figure out the source of these mysterious errors. Just like with the previous Angel attack, when things seemed hopeless she always found a way to prevail...
The school day was at an end and Rei was walking between Shinji and Asuka on the way to NERV for their scheduled synchronization test. The atmosphere between the three of them was decidedly... tense. Yes, that was the best way of describing it. Shinji had remained in the same dark state from the previous day and Asuka also seemed to be in a sour mood. She walked between the two of them in silence as they headed through the streets on Tokyo 3. It was truly strange that they'd carried on from school without either of them saying a single word. It filled her heart with worry... so after much hesitation she took it upon herself to prompt some kind of conversation. "It would seem the frequency of the tests we must perform have been increasing," she stated in an attempt to prompt some kind of small talk.
"Yeah..." Shinji muttered. "It's a bother..."
"Agreed," Asuka huffed after a moment. "It's pointless. Our sync rates are already top notch. What could Dr. Akagi need us to do so many?"
"Perhaps it's something to do with that autopilot thing she's been working on," Shinji postulated. "It would make sense if it were..."
Rei nodded. Well, at least she'd managed to get them talking... "Indeed," she said. "That would seem logical."
"Yeah," Shinji agreed, a deep scowl forming on his face. "It'll be nice... when that system is ready to go."
"How so?" Asuka huffed. "Why would that be a good thing?"
Shinji looked over at her for a moment before staring off into the distance once more. "It would mean that we might not have to pilot anymore, right?" he returned flatly.
Asuka snorted. "Why the hell would I want that?" she scoffed.
"Maybe you don't want it but I wouldn't mind it..." Shinji growled, baring his teeth.
"What, are you stupid?" Asuka huffed. "Piloting Eva is what makes us all special!"
Shinji's scowl intensified. "I don't give a damn about that..." he muttered.
Asuka sighed. "Whatever..." she huffed.
It was unpleasant seeing her closest friends in such a bad mood, especially Shinji... She noted that it had been a while since he had expressed such disdain for piloting. It signaled he was deep in distress. Rei could feel the pain and hurt radiating off him. If only there was something she could do for him... "Is there something bothering you, Shinji?" she asked, hoping he would open up just a little bit. She didn't like seeing him so closed off...
His somehow deepened even further. "It doesn't matter, Rei..." he replied cryptically, never even bothering to look in her direction. "I'll be fine..."
The way he said that stirred an unpleasant feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn't like how he seemed to be pulling in on himself and shutting her out. The desire to know why he was doing it was rapidly intensifying. Even though she was right between her two closest friends as they made the walk to NERV, Rei felt very much alone.
The hatch slid shut on his testing plug and LCL swiftly filled it. The test would begin soon but he didn't care much about that. He was very much wrapped up in his own head, trying to wrap his mind around his internal turmoil...
Though it had come so easy in past years it was strange now to be closing himself off from others. In the past he'd always been distant from people and purposefully so. It had been his way of protecting himself from pain. Now, trying to distance himself from Rei in an attempt to just... try to forget how he felt about her was killing him. It was for the best though, to keep either of them from ruining their friendship. At least... that was what he'd told himself was the right thing to do.
He'd seen how Rei had looked when they'd had a few moments alone the previous day and he'd seen how she'd looked today on the way to their tests... She clearly wanted to help him. She was also clearly unhappy about how he was imploding in on himself and shutting her out. He frowned... he was being stupid. Just because he could never confess to her didn't mean he had to keep everything back. He grimaced as a thought occurred to him. His actions, being wrapped up in himself and causing her worry was kinda like his father being distant with him... He hated thinking about what he was doing in that light, that he was acting like his father...
So he wondered... what was he to do? First of all he should apologize to Rei for giving her the cold shoulder as he had been, that was certain at least. That left sorting out the awkwardness with Asuka which wouldn't be nearly as simple. Considering she'd avoided bringing up what had happened between them, he was somewhat content about doing the same. Still, he worried that their dynamic as room mates was permanently effected.
Then of course there was also the fallout of what had happened between him and his father to deal with. That was much less simple and he had no clear idea of what to do about it even after stewing over the situation for over a day now. All he knew was that what he'd learned at the cemetery had put a big black mark on their relationship and by extension his relationship with being a pilot... After what he'd heard from his father in their conversation, he felt like a fool, a fool for thinking that his father viewed him as anything other than an instrument. Piloting the Eva had always caused him pain and by and large he hated fighting in any form but he'd done it because he cared about his friends and wanted his father to be proud. Now... that last part didn't matter. If he was just a tool for his father to utilize, something disposable, then why should he even fight? A part of him really wanted to run away... but he cared too much about Misato, Asuka, and Rei to do that. He'd promised Rei that he would help her fight so she could achieve her dreams, whatever they were... He'd been over it many times before, he mustn't run away, he wouldn't run away...
So for good or ill, until that autopilot was a reality, he had no choice but to remain a tool... and that royally pissed him off.
"Alright you three," Ritsuko's voice sounded over the radio, shaking him from his introspection. "We're about to begin the test. Are you ready?"
"Yeah," Asuka sounded off.
"Yes," Rei stated.
He sighed. Even if he wasn't, would it even matter? "I am," he replied softly.
"Good," Ritsuko replied. "Clear your minds and focus on your breathing. Test commencing now."
He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath, letting it out. For some reason, even though he was ambivalent about piloting, the entry plug was always a calming place where he could relax and put things into perspective. It always felt warm and safe, comforting even, in a way that he couldn't describe. He steadied his breathing and let his mind empty, focusing only on that warm feeling within the plug.
With how strange and painful life was, he would take what little comforts he could get...
Misato stood on the observation deck as the pilot's test proceeded. She was in a pretty good mood if a little tired, spending an evening with Kaji would do that to a woman... Asuka had a point that their relationship wasn't decent in any sense but there was more to why she'd agreed to start casually dating him again, the reason being that he might help her unearth some of the secrets of NERV. Then again, he was probably using her for that purpose as well. Still, it didn't stop her from feeling the way she did about him. She could admit that now, if only to herself...
"You're looking pretty worn to the bone, Major Katsuragi," Hyuga spoke from his station beside her. "Are you feeling alright?"
She smiled. "There's reasons why I'm worn," she replied. "Private ones."
"Kaji's bone?" Ritsuko teased.
She blushed. "Shut your face!" she huffed in embarrassment. As much as she wanted that to be true it wasn't, not yet... She and Kaji had indeed met up the previous night but they hadn't spent the night together. Kaji hadn't propositioned that yet and as much as she wanted to jump into bed with him she understood why he was hesitant. It was actually kinda sweet of him, holding back because he didn't want her to do anything she'd regret, but also frustrating. The last time she'd had sex was when the two of them were dating the first time... She sighed. "Anyway, how's Shinji-kun doing?" she asked.
"Just take a look," Maya replied with a grin, pointing at the data on the screen in front of her.
Misato leaned in over the short haired technician's shoulder to get a better look. Instantly she mirrored her coworker's smile when she realized what the readings were telling her. "Wow, I'll bet knowing this will help his confidence a bit," she said to the room before reaching in and keying the radio channel. "Can you hear me, Shinji-kun?"
"Yeah," he replied, sounding rather disinterested. "I can hear you, why?"
"Your test results are excellent," she informed him. "Actually, you've got the top score by half a percentage point!"
"Oh..." he replied, sounding apathetic to the news. "I see... cool, I guess..."
Misato stood back from the console and her cheerful grin evaporated. She'd hoped that the news would have excited him in some way. Then again, he'd been in kind of a sour mood since they he'd met with his father. Maybe it had something to do with that? She frowned. She should definitely talk to him about it when they got home, she should have already, and instead she'd been spending time with Kaji...
Her frown deepened. She didn't want to fail him as a guardian...
"What!?" Asuka's indignant scream filled the room via the speakers in the room. "You mean he's on top!"
Misato grimaced. Perhaps she should have waited to tell him until the debriefing...
Asuka slammed her fist into the door of her locker, growling in frustration as soon as she'd thrown her school uniform back on and locked up her plug suit. What Misato had said at the end of the test followed by what Dr. Akagi had told them during the debriefing had really pissed her off. To think that he would actually be surpassing her! It was infuriating, especially after he'd rejected her!
She snarled down at the floor. She felt so guilty for trying to make a move on him, she should never have done it... In general, the whole situation left her feeling so confused. On the one hand, it had helped her realize that despite how much of a wuss he could be she liked Shinji, like, as more than a friend liked him. On the other hand she'd learned that he had feelings for Rei that were also more than friendship. That hurt, hurt compounded by the fact that Rei most likely reciprocated those feelings of his...
Now he was surpassing her in his metrics with an Eva, the one thing she prided herself most on. It was her identity, the until now indisputable claim that she was the best pilot in the world. She'd valued that above everything else in her life, she'd trained for it, she'd earned that prestige! Now she couldn't even claim that! The ugly truth of that was truly enraging... "Dammit!" She shouted. "This is just great! I can't believe he scored higher than me! Talk about humiliating!"
"Why does it bother you so much?" Rei spoke from across the locker room, having nearly finished getting dressed in civilian clothes as well. "He didn't seem too care about his score. I don't understand why his score should effect you."
Asuka whirled around to face the blue haired girl, steaming with rage. "Like hell it doesn't effect me!" she spat. "It effects everything! I've trained my whole life to be an Eva pilot and he'd never even seen one until a few months ago! It's embarrassing!" She hated that she was explaining this to Rei... but she was the only one who might be able to understand. Even if she was mad that Shinji had chosen her instead, the blue haired girl was still her friend... but the jealousy would not soon abate.
"Shinji doesn't enjoy piloting the Eva," Rei stated softly, a somewhat pained, sincere look on her face. "He'd... most likely be happier without it."
Asuka's fury wavered but she was too proud to just... let it go despite knowing she was right. "So what?" she hissed, turning away from her friend. "It's not fair..."
"I'm sorry..." Rei spoke softly. "But please, don't let it effect you. You're more than capable as a pilot."
Asuka hated to admit that her first impulse was to cross the room and smack her. It would be such a release to do that, to avenge her wounded pride. But no... she couldn't do it. "Whatever..." she hissed as she pulled her shoes on. "I guess we'll just rely on him to carry us through from now on..."
She felt a hand gently fall on her shoulder. "Are you alright?" Rei asked.
Why was she showing her such sympathy? If only she knew what she'd tried to pull just the other day... "Yeah..." she murmured, fighting the growing lump in her throat and shrugging Rei's hand off of her. "I'll be fine..."
With that she fastened the last buttons on her school uniform and stalked out of the locker room. Just outside the door in the hallways stood Shinji who looked at her with wide eyes, seemingly startled by the ferocity she'd thrown the door open with. "Hey..." he said nervously. "You look upset... Is something wrong?"
Even more insult to injury, him showing her sympathy, pity even. She hated pity from others. She hated people thinking she needed it. "Shut up," she replied flatly and stormed down the hall away from him.
Rei would admit that she was quite saddened that her words had no effect on the fiery redhead's mood. She'd had a feeling that eventually this situation would happen again but at the same time it had still caught her a bit off guard considering what else was going on around her. She vaguely remembered that Asuka had been distressed by Shinji surpassing her sync and harmonics scores in the previous timeline and it had contributed to a depressive spiral. Hopefully that wouldn't happen this time. She made a mental note to talk with Asuka as soon as she'd calmed down a bit. Perhaps with the right encouragement she could let go of her anger and pride...
She stepped out of the locker room and immediately took sight of Shinji standing a few feet away, leaning against the hallway wall. It almost came as a surprise. Usually they'd leave NERV together after a test if Misato wasn't driving him home but with the way he'd been acting lately it seemed like he'd prefer to avoid her... "You waited for me?" she asked.
He nodded. His expression was full of inner conflict but despite this he forced a small smile. "Yeah," he replied. "Don't I usually?"
"You do," Rei replied, stepping closer to him. Perhaps he was finally ready to open up to her. She hoped he was... "Shall we depart?"
He nodded once more. "Yeah..." he replied softly, somberly.
The two of them fell in step and headed for the nearest elevator that would take them to the surface. Even though she very much wanted to ask him once again what was on his mind Rei remained silent. Instead she'd let him make the first move. She just hoped that he would talk to her...
They'd nearly reached the elevator when he finally spoke. "Sorry..." he murmured. "I'm sorry if I've been shutting you out for the last couple days..."
"I understand..." Rei replied earnestly, relieved that he finally seemed ready to express himself. "I... understand wanting to close yourself off."
Shinji let out a derisive grunt. "I shouldn't though..." he muttered. "If I do that then I'm just like my father... I don't want that."
Rei's eyes widened as she took in his words. It was quite a statement that he'd made and frightening one at that. The idea of Shinji one day ending up as cold and cruel as the commander filled her with sadness. A lump formed in her throat. If she had any say in it she would never let that happen... "You're nothing like him," she replied reassuringly.
Shinji scowled. "I really wish that was true..." he returned bitterly.
"You aren't," Rei stated flatly as they halted in front of the elevator.
Shinji hit the call button. Side by side the pair of them began their wait for the elevator. "You don't need to lie about it," he replied. "I guess I know where I get it from though, pushing people away that is. It's just in my blood..."
Rei's stomach was tying itself in knots listening to him speak this way. All the fear and guilt that she felt when he first told her what happened surged back into her consciousness. "Do you hate him now?" she asked timidly. "Your father?"
He frowned. "I... I don't know," he replied. "I know I hate what he did to me, that he abandoned me and ignored me almost my whole life, and I think his reasoning for it makes it even worse. It makes me so mad..."
Those words sparked Rei's curiosity."What was his reason for sending you away?" she asked.
Shinji balled his fists. "He said that it was for my own good," he replied bitterly. "He said that he wouldn't have been able to raise me and tend to his work. That might be true, but it doesn't give him an excuse for ignoring me most of my life..."
Rei shook her head and frowned. She understood the commander's position but she also understood why Shinji would be hurt by that reasoning. It was so painful knowing that the two of them couldn't seem to connect despite caring about one another, even without the added consequence that lack of connection could have for the world... "I agree. It doesn't excuse his behavior toward you," she replied somberly.
"It... It just makes me so angry," he stated softly. "It makes me think that all he only accepted spending time with me because he wanted something from me, like how he forced me into piloting the Eva. I don't know what to do about any of it... I wish I could just run away and never have to think about him, or Eva, or what happened ever again... but that wouldn't be fair to you and Misato-san and Asuka... I... It's hard to talk about these things."
She reached out and grabbed his hand. "I know," she replied. "I know it's hard, but you're not alone..."
She watched as his cheeks turned a little pink and he looked away but this time he didn't pull his hand away... That familiar warmth he elicited was flowing through her once more. "Thanks Rei..." he murmured, squeezing her hand. "I... I'm glad you're my friend..."
Rei smiled at those words. "I'm glad that you're mine," she replied.
There was an awkward silence that fell between the two of them. Shinji scratched the back of his head with his free hand. "So... uh... do you want to come by for dinner after school tomorrow?" he asked. "It's Misato's night to cook tonight so that's why tomorrow would be better..."
She nodded, her grin growing wider. "I would very much enjoy that," she replied.
Though he still wasn't looking at her, she could see his lips curving upward too. "Okay..." he murmured.
Moments later the elevator reached their floor with an audible ding. He let go of her hand and the two of them stepped inside. Silence fell between them but this time he didn't feel so distant. Even so, Rei couldn't shake her worry about the future. The gulf between Shinji and his father was wider than ever it seemed.
And time to figure out an alternative scenario to alter her destiny was running thin...
Gendo sat in his office, absentmindedly sifting through various forms that needed approval as the afternoon drifted into evening. Ever since meeting with his son he'd been strangely unable to fully focus on his duties as NERV's head. The conversation of that day weighed heavy on his mind. He'd concluded that he'd been far too harsh with his final statement toward his son at the end of that conversation. What he'd said in the heat of the moment may have been true but it was certainly quite harsh... Yui would not have approved of what he'd told their son regarding parents.
Then again, she probably wouldn't have approved of anything he'd done in regards to the boy, just like Shinji had insinuated...
Perhaps his son's words had made an impact on him but he actually felt a small urge to reach out to Shinji and smooth over the situation. He found himself hesitating acting on this impulse. Allowing himself the possibility of bonding with his son was what had led to this impasse as it were... perhaps it was better to do nothing. Besides, parents don't apologize to their children, his never did when he was Shinji's age...
He grimaced and closed his eyes at the memories that thought evoked. He would have preferred growing up alone and abandoned compared to the childhood he'd gotten. So much of what he'd done in life before Yui's accident was to escape from that, including leaving behind his surname of Rokubungi...
Perhaps there was a compromise to be had regarding the situation. He'd received Dr. Akagi's report on the children's harmonics and synchronization scores and noted that Shinji held the highest score of the three. Perhaps... he could offer congratulations for that if not an outright apology as a way of extending an olive branch. After all, he didn't want to lose a pilot at these stage of his plans. He reached into his desk and pulled out the cell phone he never used and searched for Shinji's number...
He walked side by side in perfect step with Rei through the middle of downtown Tokyo 3. So far their stroll had been rather pleasant despite being in relative silence. It wasn't the awkward silence of the past few times they'd walked together either, rather that familiar comfortable kind he was used to when near her. Shinji was feeling rather relieved after what had been said before they'd hit the surface, back in the halls of NERV. He'd managed to get a lot of what he was feeling towards his father off his chest, even if he still didn't know how to cope with it, and he felt a bit more comfortable dealing with his stupid crush but he'd had to let go of Rei's hand when they entered the elevator. Holding her hand stirred up the temptation to act on his stupid feelings and that wasn't something he'd been over in his head many times; it was something he would never act on...
They reached a crossroads that he recognized from their many walks together. It was roughly half way between their two residences and on days where they'd go home separately they'd usually part ways here. "Well, I guess I'll see you in the morning..." he said, turning to her with a soft smile.
Rei nodded and returned his grin. "See you in the morning," she replied.
Heavens that smile of hers was beautiful, framed by that unique blue hair and accented by those crimson eyes... Had he really been ignorant to how pretty she was or had he just been ignoring it since forever? "Y- yeah..." he stammered, turning away from her.
"Are you alright, Shinji?" she asked. "You seem a bit red..."
Shit, he was almost caught! "I- I'm fine," he lied, turning back to her and scratching the back of his head nervously. "It's just a- a little hot today. I'm a little overheated."
"I will admit that it is rather warm," Rei stated flatly.
He breathed a sigh of relief that she didn't question him further. He was getting paranoid. He shouldn't let himself become paranoid... "Yeah, it is..." he murmured softly.
He felt a vibration in his pocket followed by a bell tone. His cell phone was ringing. At least that was a way to... not let the conversation with Rei get any more awkward, well, awkward for him. He wasn't sure if it was for her... "Hello?" he answered.
"Shinji, do you have a moment to speak?"
His eyes went wide and he froze in place. It was his father. What could he possibly want after what had occurred at the cemetery the other day? "Y- yeah," he stuttered.
"It is... regrettable... what occurred at your mother's marker," his father stated. "I should hope we can move past it."
Shinji frowned. That was pleasant to hear but it wasn't an apology. Then again, his father never apologized for anything ever... "It would be nice..." he replied.
"Indeed," his father returned, his tone gruff and cold as it ever was. "It would be preferable. Also, I understand that you scored top marks in your latest synchronization test. Congratulations."
So... that was what he'd wanted to call him about... to congratulate him on being his useful, dutiful tool. Anger filled his veins and blood surged in his ears. He balled his fist at his side and he wanted to crush the phone that was next to his ear as he began to shake with rage. "So that's why you called..." he hissed. "Just to congratulate me on that..."
"It is no small feat," his father replied.
"I couldn't care less," he spat before impulsively hanging up. He glared down at the phone in his hand. He wanted to throw it. He bared his teeth and snarled. He was going to throw it...
"Shinji, what's wrong?" Rei's soft, concerned voice pierced through him.
He turned to face her. "My father just called," he spat, unable to keep the rage he was experiencing out of his voice. "He... congratulated me on my sync scores."
"I see," Rei replied, her eyebrows knitting up in a mix of concern and confusion. "And this upsets you?"
"Yes!" he exploded before turning away from her and running a hand through his hair. He took a deep breath. He shouldn't have snapped at her, he needed to calm down... "Yes..." he said after taking a deep breath. "It just goes to show that he doesn't care about me unless I pilot the Eva. I'm just a tool for him to use and discard, just like the rest of us..."
Rei stepped closer to him, taking his hand. "I'm... sorry you feel that way..." she murmured softly.
He snorted, pulling his hand from her tender grasp and folding his arms across his chest. "How could I not feel that way?" he replied.
"I don't know..." Rei returned softly. "You have... every right to be upset."
Shinji sighed. He should have expected that things could never improve with his father anyway. "I was stupid for even thinking things could be better with him..." he muttered.
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Rei fidgeting beside him. "There is... always the possibility," she replied.
His frown deepened. He understood what she was trying to do but it wasn't worth her effort. "You don't have to lie to me to try and make me feel better, Rei..." he returned, turning his head to regard her once more. "It's something I should have accepted long ago."
She looked at him with a pained expression, her lip quivering slightly. "I'm... I'm sorry..." she murmured, hanging her head.
It hurt to see her upset because of him. This was all his father's fault. Everything was his father's fault... "It's fine," he replied. "It's not your fault after all."
She turned away from him and folded her arms across her chest, mirroring him from moments ago. "Still..." she murmured. "I'm sorry..."
Shinji didn't know what to say to that. Normally he was the one who apologized for everything... all he knew was that he didn't like seeing her upset. "It's not your fault..." he repeated.
"I know..." she replied, turning to him with a pained expression. "It's just... sad."
Shinji let those words reverberate through him. "Yeah..." he murmured. "It really is..."
Asuka sat in front of the television in the living room, trying not to think about the results of the test back at NERV, and failing at this objective. Despite Rei making some very good points before she'd headed for home it still really irked her that he was surpassing her... At least he was still out and she didn't have to see his stupid face. Then again he was probably with Rei which made her feel awful in an all together different way...
She turned around at the sound of the front door whirring open. It would seem that Shinji had gotten home. She found that a tad surprising. She would have expected him to be back late, that he would have been spending time with Rei...
She watched the entrance to the living room as the sound of footsteps drew closer. Shinji appeared there and paused at the entrance to the living room. He looked rather upset which she found perplexing, after all, he'd just figured out that he liked a girl who liked him back, and he was now by the numbers top shit at NERV. She knew the second point probably didn't matter too much to him but he honestly couldn't be enough of a moron not to realize how Rei felt about him, could he? Asuka scrunched up her nose at the sight of him. "How come you look so bummed?" she snorted.
He crossed his arms and scowled. "I... spoke to my father again," he huffed. "It didn't go well."
She grit her teeth and turned back to the TV. Him and his stupid parental issues, as if no one else had shit to deal with... "And Rei wasn't there to comfort you?" she spat.
She could hear him sputtering behind her. "Wh- what do you mean?" he stuttered angrily.
Asuka turned back around to face him with a glare. She hated seeing him with that stupid indignant expression he got when he was flustered. "You've confessed to her by now, right?" she spat.
"No," he replied flatly, looking away from her and shuffling his feet. "I can't do that..."
Her scowl deepened. "Why not?" she retorted. "You can't kiss me because of her and then you can't even tell her how you feel? What, are you stupid?"
"I'm not stupid!" he huffed before heaving a heavy sigh and staring down at the carpet. "I just... it would ruin everything..."
Asuka was flabbergasted. "Shinji Ikari, you really are an idiot..." she muttered under her breath, turning back to the television.
Gendo sat in office as evening turning to night with Fuyutsuki across from him all the while partaking in a game of Shogi. Normally he quite enjoyed their games but today he wasn't paying much attention to his moves, his phone call with his son was at the forefront of his mind. It had honestly caught him off guard that the boy had hung up on him. He'd hoped that by congratulating him on his prowess that it would have a motivating effect, that he would garner the knowledge that he was indeed proud of him. Instead what he'd said seemed to further upset the boy.
He scowled. Perhaps he should have swallowed his pride offered some form of apology...
"Your moves are slipping," Fuyutsuki stated as he moved a piece of the board. "Clearly there's more on your mind besides the repairs to the B wing."
"Yes," he replied flatly as he reached over the board and made a move.
"Could it be related to the latest meeting with your son?" Fuyutsuki asked, a sly grin appearing on his wrinkled lips.
Gendo glared at him over his tented hands. "That is none of your concern," he growled. "As I previously informed you."
Fuytuski chuckled and stared at the board. "Indeed, it's not my place to pry," he replied.
"And yet you do," Gendo grumbled.
Fuyutuski's playful grin widened. "Forgive an old man for his curiosities," he returned as he made a move on the board. "I cannot help wonder exactly what transpired between you and your son. You have not been yourself lately."
Gendo seriously contemplated shooting him... "A momentary sentimentality," he eventually replied. "Nothing more."
"And yet it seems to weigh on you," Fuyutsuki stated.
Gendo reached out and made his move, glaring absolute daggers at the older man across from him. "Perhaps," he replied.
Fuyutsuki's smirk grew. "But I trust whatever developments with the Third Child will not effect your scenario," he said. "We've come too far for that."
He very much wished for this conversation to be over... speaking on these matters was beyond uncomfortable. It was also infuriating to think he would ever consider giving up on seeing Yui again, even if Shinji and her wouldn't be able to forgive him. As the older man had said, he had gone too far already... "Correct," Gendo replied.
Fuyutsuki nodded and made another move. "I've won," he stated flatly, definitively.
Gendo checked the positions of the pieces of the board with a deepening scowl...
Rei stared up at the ceiling of her room from where she lay on her bed, having pondered what had happened after leaving NERV for hours. She'd been so relieved when Shinji had ceased shutting her out. Even though it looked like her plans were failing to materialize it was still pleasant to just... have a moment with her closest friend. Things looked like they might even return to some form of baseline normalcy between the two of them at least. Then the commander had called him...
She knew from Shinji's reaction to the call that whatever Commander Ikari had said had done nothing to help mend things from his reaction to it. Instantly he'd become infuriated, filled with an unbridled seething anger towards his father. When he'd told her what the commander had said she completely understood his rage and also knew that there was nothing she could say to console him despite desperately wanting to do so.
She was upset, angry, sad... she wanted to scream at Commander Ikari. She wanted to scream at him and tell him how horrible a person that he was but... that wasn't possible. If she did that he would replace her in a heartbeat like the heartless cretin he was. She felt like everything she'd been hoping for, that she had been working for, was unraveling before her eyes. She hated that feeling. The fear she felt regarding the future threatened to consume her...
It was all becoming too much for her. For the first time in a long time she truly had no idea of what she should do. Tears began streaming down her face and she covered her eyes with her forearm, as if to hide her despair from the empty apartment. At least she'd managed to keep herself together until now. She didn't want Shinji to see her shedding tears. The negative thoughts were building in her mind, chief among them being the most horrifying... It would seem that her gift of a renewed life at the end of the chaos of Third Impact was quickly becoming... pointless.
"Why? Why is this happening? Make it stop..." she sobbed quietly to the cold and barren room. As always, there was no answer to her plea.
She lay there in bed quietly weeping until sleep eventually took her...
It was morning, and Ryouji Kaji sat alone in one of the numerous staff rooms within the NERV complex nursing a cup of coffee. He was tired, having been up most of the night going over his findings related to the Marduk Institute, Adam, Second Impact, and the still quite mysterious Human Instrumentality Project. It would seem that everything in one way or another was tied to that enigmatic program.
He knew that Second Impact had been triggered during the Katsuragi Expedition by some sort of work that was done on Adam and that somehow Adam had been recovered by SEELE. He knew that the Evas were developed from Adam to fight the Angels. He knew that the Marduk Institute had been set up to find pilot candidates but was in reality was a shell, consisting only of NERV and by extension SEELE. But how did it all figure into the Human Instrumentality Project? That remained a mystery... all he knew was that the Human Instrumentality project was some sort of forced human evolution program but that in and of itself raised many questions. What exactly did artificial evolution of humanity entail? The possibilities, considering everything else related to SEELE and NERV, were frightening indeed...
He heard the door to the staff room open. "Mr. Kaji," a voice he recognized spoke. "A pleasure as always."
Kaji looked up to see that DIH agent who posed as a security guard, Fujita, standing in the doorway. He raised his cup of coffee. "Morning," he replied with a cheerful smile but inwardly wary. "I assume you were looking for me?"
Fujita snickered and fully entered the room, heading for the coffee maker. "A chance meeting," he returned with a grin that mirrored his own. "Nothing more."
Kaji chortled and took a sip of his coffee. "You and I both know how rare such things are in our business," he remarked.
"Very true," Fujita replied as he poured himself a cup and sat down across from him. "So perhaps we can take advantage of that."
Kaji smirked. "I suppose it would make sense to share information between the services, to exchange secrets," he returned. "That is what you want from me, isn't it?"
Fujita said nothing, simply giving him a knowing look.
Kaji snickered and took a sip of his coffee. "Of course you do..." he continued. "But there isn't much I'm comfortable sharing. I'm on rather thin ice as it were."
"In my experience there is no such thing as thick ice in this game," Fujita replied.
Kaji nodded. "Very true," he said.
"So... you know my purpose for being here," Fujita spoke, his tone becoming gravely serious. "What's yours?"
Kaji snickered. "To find the truth," he replied. "Simple as that."
"And you'd put your life on the line for that?" Fujita countered. "I'd say that's a bid naive, not to mention it doesn't answer the question of your assignment's purpose is."
Kaji's playful grin wavered. There was no way in hell he was going to give up his secrets to anyone he wasn't certain he could trust... "The PSIA sent me here to uncover NERV's secrets and goals," he stated flatly. "And assess the security risks thereof."
"Ah," Fujita replied, taking a sip from his own cup. "I understand, confidentiality. I get it. I would suggest that you... accelerate your efforts though."
Kaji placed his cup on the table and met the other spy's gaze with a serious look. "I'm assuming you know something I don't," he returned.
Fujita mirrored his grave expression. "When we spoke last I told you my reason for being here. All I have to say is that if the JSSDF is ever ordered to attack NERV headquarters it would be over pretty quick," he replied. "From what I've gathered via my own observations, this facility is just about the opposite of defensible."
Kaji stared into his coffee. So... that was how it was... The stakes of the game were certainly getting higher. It would seem that Fujita had wrapped up his assignment and the government was now actively preparing a future military action, that is if he was interpreting his words correctly... "From what I understand, this facility was built to resist attacks from the Angels, not the army," he stated soberly.
"Indeed," Fujita replied. "We can only hope that never occurs. I could imagine that this place would take some time to properly fortify, certainly not in time to stop what might come knocking."
Kaji laughed wryly, it was a dire implication but one that he knew was still too risky for the government to consider at present. "Well... thanks for the heads up I guess," he returned. "But I doubt that any move will be made until after the defeat of the Angels. I can assume that you're only letting me know the gravity of the situation because you want something, yes?"
"This is true," Fujita replied. "But if certain things remain a mystery and NERV oversteps their bounds with their backers, intervention may become inevitable. The Japanese government has reasons to be suspicious of NERV. There are rumors, whispers about certain... abominations in the depths of this place. Perhaps with your clearance level you could shed some light?"
So he'd heard about that as well... things were certainly developing fast... Kaji sipped his coffee once more. He had to play this very carefully as he was already a triple agent, feeding contradictory information to all three parties he was in league with. Having more than tertiary involvement with a fourth, even one on the same side as one of his current masters, could undo everything... "Perhaps in future," he replied. "Once I understand the true goals of NERV, you'll be among the first to know."
Fujita finished his coffee and stood up from the table. "Then I will eagerly wait for that day, Agent Kaji," he replied. "Ciao."
Kaji listened to the spy's footsteps as he left the staff room. A deep frown formed on his face as he continued sipping his coffee. What Fujita had revealed was... troubling to say the least.
Ritsuko stared at her desktop computer's screen, tapping her foot on the ground, with her arms folded in frustration. She'd adjusted the program to split the duplicate files of Rei's memories into their readable components many times over but she still kept getting hit with those damned error messages. No matter what she tried she just couldn't read the files...
She should be better than this! She was the head of NERV's scientific development department for heaven's sake! She'd managed to engineer the combat systems for the Evas, improve the calculation speed of the Magi computers, and even use said computers to defeat an Angel! Integrating Rei's memory data into the Dummy Plug System shouldn't be taking this much time and effort!
She sighed. Perhaps the Magi really were incorrect in their assumption that there were duplicate files. Perhaps they were just corrupted and her extraction program was fundamentally flawed? No... that was impossible considering the data before the accident with Unit 00 could be read! She felt like she was spinning in circles. Everything before that time and date was able to be deciphered so why not after?
Her eyes widened. Time and date... She remembered what she'd done to force the Eleventh Angel to auto evolve itself to destruction. She'd eliminated all time and date parameters in order to make that happen. Now that she thought about it, time and date parameters were the one thing she'd left alone in everything she'd tried so far to open the files... but why would that effect anything? Human memories should be tied to a linear progression of time. How could it be any other way?
"I must be out of my mind for trying this..." she muttered to herself as she entered the needed commands. She altered the program to account for all time date values, including future ones, and ran the extraction program once more...
She sat back and watched as the load bar on her screen ticked up from zero to one hundred percent completion. She frowned. It was going to fail, just like all the other things she'd tried. She might as well give up hope and begin work on some other way to program combat effectiveness into the Dummy Plug... then she watched in shock as three words in a pop up box flashed on her screen.
File extraction successful.
She was relieved that she'd managed to do it but also quite shocked at the same time. It just raised so many questions... Why? Why had elimination of time and date parameters been what unlocked the files? Why had that been the key to success?
Ritsuko pulled out a cigarette and lit it. One thing was certain, she had to comb through whatever was in this section of Rei's memory data and find an answer. If she just dropped it into the Dummy System without doing that it might lead to more errors and at this point with the deadline for completion looming she wouldn't risk that. She frowned at the thought of what she was going to do... She was really going to comb through and literally view the poor girls memories in depth. It made her feel so dirty, one's memories were their private possessions and here she was about to look through Rei's like they were just any old research data...
However, before she had a chance to start that task, the general alarm klaxon within the NERV complex sounded from the overhead intercom system.
Misato rushed to the bridge as soon as she'd heard the alarm however her progress had been hindered by where she'd been when the alarm first sounded. Getting from the staff parking garages to the bridge in a timely fashion was no easy feat.
"You're late, Major," Ritsuko chastised her as she entered the room.
"Sorry!" she replied hurriedly.
Instantly she took sight of the central display in the room and her eyes went wide. On the screen was a large white and black spherical object that appeared to be floating over downtown Tokyo 3. "What's going on?" she called to the rest of the room. "How come it wasn't detected until now!?"
"None of the sensor arrays had a chance to," Lt. Aoba replied. "It just appeared right above us."
"The pattern is orange," Hyuta stated. "No A.T. Field detected."
"No A.T. Field?" Misato asked, hoping for clarification. "Then what is that thing?"
Ritsuko turned to Lt. Ibuki. "Could it be a new kind of Angel?" the faux blonde asked.
"It's uncertain," the young technician replied. "The Magi are withholding judgment on that."
Misato turned around to face the the observation deck that towered above the general command deck and breathed a sigh of relief. Up on that perch sat Commander Ikari looking as cool and collected as possible. At least he was here, unlike during the Tenth Angel... "Sir, what is your recommendation?" she inquired.
"Summon the pilots," he replied evenly. "Have them ready to sortie as soon as possible."
She nodded. "Yes sir," she replied resolutely.
Any hopes of a normal day with friends at school had been dashed as soon as the sirens had sounded throughout the city during their morning walk to school. Shinji, Asuka, and herself had rushed to NERV immediately and now they stood in a briefing room listening to Dr. Akagi outline what little was known about the mysterious black and white orb hovering above the city. Rei had to admit she was quite fearful. It was fearful enough to at least momentarily drive her worries about Shinji, the commander, and the looming deadline to defy her fate out of her mind.
Even though the entity above the city had not officially been classified as an Angel, she knew in her heart that it was. What else could it be? She found it just a little bit frustrating that after so many Angels had attacked, so many that she'd lived through in all her various lives, that Dr. Akagi hadn't designated it as such preemptively. So what if there wasn't a Pattern Blue or that there wasn't an A.T. Field, this thing was an Angel... and that was terrifying.
This... thing that was floating above the city, this Angel was yet another foe she hadn't faced before and therefore she had no clue of what it was capable of and had no idea what strategy to implement against it. That now familiar fear of the unknown coursed through her veins. She couldn't help but go over all the things she'd pondered numerous times before by now... How many more of these unknown Angels remained? When would the ones she'd fought before but still hadn't arrived appear? Would they appear at all? In what order? How many were left?
"So, do you understand your assignment today?" Dr. Akagi's final words of the briefing shook her from her daze.
"Yeah, yeah," Asuka huffed. "Get into position, observe it, and try to lure outside the city limits, I get it."
Well... thankfully Asuka was paying attention. She inwardly scolded herself for being so wrapped up in her own mind. She shouldn't be allowing herself to slip...
"Alright then, get to your Evas," Misato ordered firmly. "We launch in five minutes."
Rei nodded. "Understood," she said.
"Sounds good," Asuka added.
"Okay..." Shinji muttered.
Asuka was the first of the three of them to turn and exit the room with herself and Shinji following after her. She fell in step beside Shinji and glanced out of the corner of her eye the dark expression he'd been wearing since the phone call with his father the previous day. That expression he wore added yet another layer of worry in regards to the engagement they were soon to participate in...
She took a quiet deep breath and clenched her teeth. She just had to have a little faith and trust in her skills and her friends to pull through...
Asuka finalized the activation sequence within her Unit 02 and readied herself for battle. She scowled at least this was where she could still shine. So what if Shinji had scored higher on their last sync test, she still had him when it came to piloting. She'd been piloting for longer, she'd trained longer, she was still the best regardless of what he looked like on paper...
She snarled and gripped the controls in her plug. She hated how she was still comparing herself to Shinji. She didn't want to even think about that stupid jerk and now she had to go out and fight side by side with him. "This sucks..." she grumbled to herself.
"Alright you three, weapons will be awaiting you on the surface," Misato's voice sounded over the radio. "We'll be stationing you three in strategic locations to so you can provide mutually supportive fire if necessary."
"Understood," Rei acknowledged over radio.
"Okay," Shinji added.
Asuka rolled her eyes and keyed her mic. "Yeah, yeah, whatever," she replied in sassy tone. "We shouldn't have anything to worry about considering the amazing Shinji's with us, right?"
"Asuka, keep it together," Misato scolded. "You'll need to work as a team out there."
"Whatever..." she huffed. "No word from you Shinji?"
"Let's just launch already..." Shinji growled over the radio frequency.
Asuka clenched her teeth gripped the controls in her plug as she listened to the chatter of the technicians on the command bridge. He was such an idiot. Even though he had people who cared about him, who loved him even, he still found a way to be angry and depressed. He was so lucky to have that. She didn't have that... There was no who loved her back, not him, not Kaji... Worse than that, no one even cared about her at all... Maybe Misato and Rei were exceptions but Misato just wanted her to pilot and Rei would prioritize Shinji over her and their friendship any day... It was all so frustrating...
"Eva launch!" Misato shouted.
None of that mattered right now, she rationalized as the catapult jolted and pressed her into her seat. She had a job to do, the one thing in life she was uncompromisingly good at. She could wax on how shitty her life was becoming when she got back from this mission...
As soon as he hit the surface Shinji armed himself with the nearest weapon available to him, an enormous Eva sized spear. He took cover behind one of the skyscrapers at the center of Tokyo 3 and looked up to see the suspected Angel passing overhead nearby. Usually he was a bit fearful going into battle but the only emotion that was coursing through him as he took sight of the thing was anger, pure anger.
His father's words from their day at his mother's grave marker and from the phone call he'd had with him yesterday rang in his ears. This, him piloting the Eva, was all his father cared about... It was truly infuriating and he had no choice but to keep doing it. He felt so conflicted, staring up at the spherical thing as it floated past. He wanted to be there to aid Rei and Asuka, to help Rei attain whatever dreams she placed in her own cause for piloting, but he also wanted to quit just to spite his father... Most of all he wanted to vent his frustrations on something. He wanted to lash out... and that thing floating above him was the perfect opportunity to do it.
Staring up at that white and black orb he found that his anger and sorrow were channeling themselves into hatred. He hated the Angels. He hated what they were to him. They were the personification of the lack of choice in his life, the pressures other people placed on him, the withheld, conditional care and praise that his father had for him. He hated them. He wanted to kill them. He wanted to rip and tear them apart the way a part of him wanted to do the same to his father. He wanted to do to them all the things he could never do to that man. He wanted to vent his anger and frustration and hurt and pain on that horrid thing that was looming over the city he lived in. He clutched the controls in his plug and seethed...
"Alright, now that you're in position, focus on luring it outside of the city," Misato's voice crackled in his plug. "Asuka, you take point."
"Why doesn't Shinji take the point position?" Asuka replied over the channel. "He scored the highest in the last sync test didn't he?"
"No problem..." Shinji hissed back.
"Wow, finally getting some confidence are you?" Asuka taunted. "It's about time!"
"Asuka, cut it out!" Misato scolded.
"Yeah, yeah," Asuka huffed. "You know I have a point!"
Shinji clenched his teeth. He was tired of people looking down on him. He was tired of people doubting him. He was tired of people putting pressure on him. He was tired of everything related to Eva, NERV, the Angels! Asuka's teasing just caused something inside him to just... snap. He wasn't going to wait until this stupid thing was lured out and away from the city or declared an Angel. He was going to strike first and kill it immediately!
Before he could stop himself he'd jettisoned his Eva's power cable and moved into action. He thrust his war machine upwards, leaping atop the nearest building. He clenched the spear in his Eva's hands and prepared himself, staring down his foe while bringing his Eva into a crouch as he prepared to spring.
"Shinji! What are you doing!?" Misato shouted.
He paid no attention her and leaped forward with a wrathful battle cry. As he sailed in the air he aimed the tip of his spear right at the center of the floating orb with the intent to skewer it... but this was not to be. Right before he would have connected with his prey his quarry vanished into thin air.
He crashed feet first on the ground with a mighty thud and dashed to the nearest power cable station. As soon as he clipped it onto his back he looked around frantic and angry. "Where the hell did it go!?" he snarled over the radio.
"Pattern Blue detected!" he heard Misato shouting. "Shinji! Get out of there!"
"Shinji! retreat!" He heard Rei shout, any semblance of her usual calm and level demeanor completely absent from her voice.
He felt a sickening drop in the pit of his stomach as he looked downward. Expanding and darkening rapidly was a void of blackness right below him and he felt his Eva beginning to sink into it. His anger immediately evaporated and was replaced by fear. His eyes went wide as he looked skyward. That damned black and white orb was right above him. He didn't need anyone to tell him that he'd royally screwed up...
"The Angel has appeared beneath Unit 01!" she heard Lt. Hyuga shout over the radio frequency.
"It's attempting to absorb him!" Lt. Ibuki cried.
"Its shadow! What's happening!" Shinji screamed fearfully. "I'm sinking! It's pulling me in!"
Rei stared on in horror at what was unfolding before her eyes. She couldn't believe it. She'd watched as the Angel had vanished right as Shinji had been about to land his attack and she'd seen Shinji disappear behind a skyscraper. Seconds later, the Angel had reappeared and now Shinji was getting absorbed into its shadow somehow! Her heart was pounding out of her chest. This couldn't be happening, this shouldn't be happening! The idea of losing him was terrifying!
"Rei! Asuka! Misato-san! Anyone! Help me! Anybody, help m-" She heard Shinji cry over the radio before being abruptly cut off, the radio crackling with static in her plug.
"Asuka! Rei! Rescue Unit 01!" Misato shouted.
Rei didn't need to be told twice, she would have acted even if she hadn't been ordered, consequences be damned. She opened fire with her Eva's rifle on the floating orb in the sky instinctively and the shells passed right through it with no effect. She had to do something, anything to save him! She released Unit 00's power cable, hopped atop the nearest building and began dashing across the tops of the city's skyscrapers toward Unit 01.
"The shadow is expanding!" she heard Dr. Akagi shout. "It's swallowing the whole city!"
"Shit!" she heard Asuka exclaim. "What the hell is going on!"
She grit her teeth and cleared another building, feeling it starting to sink below her. She continued onward. She had to rescue him! After a few more hops she finally reached where Unit 01 had landed and...
She gasped in shock. He was gone, swallowed into the expanding black void that was now consuming the city.
"All remaining units retreat!" She heard Misato cry. "Get out of there!"
"Roger that!" Asuka replied. "What the hell was that moron thinking!"
No, they couldn't just leave him to his fate, they couldn't just abandon Shinji... "But Unit 01 and Shinji are still in there!" Rei cried desperately.
"That was an order..." Misato hissed, sounding audibly worried and upset. "Right now the two of you need to get to safety. Once we've regrouped we'll think of a battle plan and mount a rescue effort, understood? Withdraw now..."
"Understood!" Asuka replied.
Rei bit her lip and her eyes stung. As much as she didn't want to hear what Misato was telling her she was right. She swallowed the lump in her throat and steeled her nerves to hopscotch across the rooftops and out of the combat zone. "Understood..." she replied.
Author's notes
I must say, this one was certainly a lot of fun to put to the page. It would seem that quite a few things that have been bubbling beneath the surface are finally boiling over for our cast of characters... In the next chapter we'll see the ordeal against Leliel in full and considering how much has changed with our blue haired protagonist and those around her things could get quite interesting during the battle and its aftermath.
It was quite regrettable that Gendo was missing from the previous chapter considering how much I enjoy writing his point of view so I'm pleased that I was able to integrate a few scenes with him in this update. Also, since he was missing during the canon battle with Leliel, I figured I would have him present at least as an observer. Call it what you wish, I would like to think that it reflects the ongoing character development I've been attempting to give him.
Oh, and how about that cliffhanger in regards to Ritsuko?
Reviews are always appreciated! I'm so very happy that this story continues to please. Some of your reactions both public and private have been truly heartwarming and they continue to fuel my drive to see this through to the end.
Regards,
A.F.