Chapter 27 – Splitting Of The Breast
Gendo sat in his seat on the highest tier of the command bridge having watched everything unfold. Though he refused to display any outward emotion he would be lying to himself if he were to say he wasn't worried. Watching his son and Unit 01 fall into that black that was now consuming the city had filled him with equal parts worry and anger. He was angry that his son had acted so rashly and risked himself, the Eva, and by extension Yui and his own goals. Then again, Unit 01's A.T. Field should protect it against any harm. He had no reason to fear something happening to it or Yui... he only had to worry about his son. If the life support systems onboard the Eva gave out before it was recovered...
No. He refused to consider the possibility. He shouldn't be worried in the slightest about that occurring. Dr. Akagi would find a way to recover Unit 01 before then and if not then it was almost certain that Yui would intervene. If there was one thing he was certain of after witnessing Unit 01's berserk rampage against the Third Angel was that Yui would never fail to protect their son. That left the remaining curiosity of the day so far, that being Rei...
He'd known for a while that Rei and Shinji had developed a certain level of friendship. This in and of itself was not a concern. Rei was, despite her genetic makeup, relatively human, and as such was capable of human emotion and attachment. It would make sense for her to develop some level of camaraderie with her fellow pilots and those around her. This was not a concern, after all, he'd done his best to use her attachment to him to keep her loyal to him and her ultimate purpose. What was concerning however was just how quick to action she was in her attempts to save his son. She'd even gone so far as to protest Major Katsuragi's direct order, something she had never done in the past. It raised questions regarding her loyalty to him, questions of her willingness to fulfill his scenario.
No. He had no reason to doubt that, he had replacements should the need arise... but even though that was a fact it was not a step he ever wanted to take. He... cared too much about Rei, that was the truth of the matter. He cared about her in much the same way that he cared about his son... and that circled him right back around to what had happened on the battlefield against the latest Angel...
Deep down, he had a feeling that the only reason Shinji had acted so recklessly was because of the emotion turmoil that had arisen from their conversation at the cemetery, that he had made worse via the phone call the previous day. Gendo hated to admit it, but if this was indeed the case, then he was partially to blame for the situation at hand. It was not a pleasant feeling in the slightest. Perhaps... perhaps he should swallow his pride and actually apologize to him, at least for his callus treatment over the years if nothing else. Even if it he didn't mean it, it would prevent something like the current situation from happening again.
But... after seeing how distraught he'd been at the cemetery, a part of him honestly did feel regret for his treatment of the boy...
"This was an unexpected development," Fuyutsuki's voice brought him back to reality.
"Yes," Gendo agreed.
"Should we be concerned for the future of the scenario?" Fuyutsuki inquired.
Gendo's scowl deepened behind his gloves. "No," he replied flatly.
"Reel in Unit 01's power cable! Try to pull him out!" Misato ordered as soon as she saw both Rei and Asuka's Evas clear the area of the city that was effected by the Angel's shadow. Since they were now clear and the Angel appeared to be holding its position, recovering Shinji could become a priority.
"Retracting Eva Unit 01's umbilical power cable," Lt. Aoba acknowledged.
She waited with bated breath as the cable coiled back into the building it was built into meter by meter. Despite what she'd told Rei and Asuka about thinking of a plan to recover him, this was the best she could think of. She feared that retrieving Shinji would be next to impossible if it failed...
"We're reaching the end of the cable's length," Lt. Aoba called out.
This was it. Unit 01 and Shinji should be emerging from that black void any second now...
"The cable end is severed!" Lt. Ibuki called out fearfully.
Her heart sank into her stomach. No... Shinji couldn't be lost! She clenched her fists at her sides in rage. This wasn't fair! After all the time she'd spent looking after him she'd really grown to care for him. She couldn't lose him like this. She wouldn't lose him like this to those damned Angels which had already caused her so much hardship and pain! "Try his radio again!" she barked. "See if you can reach him!"
"No passive transmission detected from Unit 01," Hyuga stated. "The signal is dead."
Misato tried her best to steady her breathing and turned to Ritsuko. "How long does he have in there?" she asked, barely able to contain her worry. "How long until his battery dies?"
Ritsuko's expression was grave. She pulled a pocket calculator from her lab coat and messed with it for a moment before she spoke. "Considering he has a mostly full battery and pending he's simply trapped in whatever that Shadow is, if he doesn't flail blindly in the dark and keeps to the most minimal power settings he's got approximately sixteen hours of life support," she replied after a moment of pause.
Misato grit her teeth as she frantically thought of what the next step should be but no plan of action availed itself. She turned to Commander Ikari who hadn't spoken a word from up upon his parapet. "Sir, what is your recommendation?" she asked.
Commander Ikari unclasped his hand hands and stood tall atop his perch. "I recommend a quarantine of the city," he replied, before turning his back to the command center. "The target is stationary so this should not be difficult. I leave everything else in your hands, Major."
Misato's blood began to boil at his reaction. His son was trapped, possibly dying or dead, and he was leaving!? It was beyond the pale... "Yes sir..." she growled before turning to the bridge. "Set up a quarantine of Tokyo 3, notify the JSSDF and set up a containment zone! Set up a forward staging area for the Evas amid the barricade!"
"Yes ma'am," Lieutenants Ibuki, Aoba, and Hyuga responded in unison.
Immediately, Misato turned to Ritsuko. "Run an analysis on the target," she hissed before stalking toward the exit of the bridge.
"And where are you going?" Ritsuko's stern voice stopped her in her tracks.
She turned around and faced her friend who regarded her with a hard expression. Once again she steadied her breathing and issued a reply... "I'm heading to the surface to oversee the operation going forward," she spat, and with those words stalked off of the command bridge.
"Y'know, Nakajima... I think I'm starting to get why you're always complaining now," Masaki stated in a hushed tone from his position next to him. "What the fuck are we supposed to do against that? It's swallowed half the city..."
Ryuji Nakajima clutched his rifle tight as he aimed it over the wall of sandbags himself, Masaki, and the L16 81 millimeter mortar they'd been assigned to operate were stationed at in their current sortie toward the eldritch abomination floating above the city of Tokyo 3. He was not too pleased that his regiment had gotten pulled to help with NERV's operation but he was a soldier and so he had to go with it even if he thought it was totally insane... He'd seen the power of the Angels up close, the JSSDF had no chance at doing anything useful... but despite this, there was a small satisfaction he felt at hearing those words. Even if it was coming a bit late, he was glad that his friend was starting to see his perspective on these Angel things... "Finally, you get why I've been bitching," he chided with a scowl. "Even Mobile Suit Bullshit seems to be combat ineffective against this fucker..."
"Yeah, the first one was pretty nuts, but it was just some giant monster," Masaki replied. "This bastard is causing half a city to sink into who knows what..."
Nakajima sighed. "At least once this is over, pending we're not dead, our regiment is transferring away from this shithole," he returned. "I can't wait to get out of here and head to Hokkaido..."
"Yeah..." Masaki grumbled. "I never thought I'd be so happy to get redeployed for a training exercise, but then again, who would pass up a chance to work with the special forces?"
Indeed, he was also looking forward to the impending transfer. The training exercise that he and his company had been selected to participate was apparently part of some sort of operation that was top secret but he didn't care. "Honestly, anything is better than this shit..." Nakajima replied.
"Quit your chatter!" A gruff voice scolded from behind him. "Shut the hell up and do your job!"
He didn't have to look up to know who it was. Nakajima recognized Sgt. Saito's voice and he knew well enough not to piss him off. "Sir, yes sir!" he and Masaki replied in unison upon turning around to face him.
Sgt. Saito glared at the two of them. "Why is it that whenever there's someone in my platoon playing grab-ass, it's you two miserable fucks?" he spat.
Nakajima knew his platoon sergeant had a point but it didn't warrant being an asshole... then again, Sgt. Saito was, in fact, always an asshole. "Couldn't tell you, sir," he replied.
"It's one of life's mysteries, sir," Masaki added. Nakajima had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from chuckling at his friend's quip.
Sgt. Saito stood tall and glowered down at them. "The two of you had best un-fuck yourselves before we redeploy to Hokkaido," he hissed. "Because if you don't, I will make sure that both of you will be peeling potatoes until the day you die, understand me?"
Considering how many massive explosions he'd been in the relative vicinity of in the last few months, that might not be that long... even so, Nakajima got the message. "Sir, yes sir," he replied.
"Sir, yes sir," Masaki added.
Nakajima watched as Sgt. Saito continued down the line. "I swear that man hates our guts..." he muttered.
"No," Masaki replied with a chuckle. "He just hates you."
If looks could kill, the look Nakajima issued Masaki for his comment would have put the man six feet under...
The hours after Shinji had fallen into the void that now consumed the center of Tokyo 3 had been a blur, a complete and total haze. Rei had obeyed her orders to move her Eva to the forward staging area without paying much attention to what was happening, she was too shocked and worried to pay attention to anything in detail. All she really knew was that now the JSSDF and combined U.N. Forces were surrounding the city and she was sitting back, waiting, hoping for Misato and Dr. Akagi to figure out a way to rescue Shinji. She hated feeling so powerless. She hated feeling so useless. She should have been able to help him. If she couldn't save him then Dr. Ikari's gift was for nothing...
No, she shouldn't give up hope. There had to be some way to bring him back. But even so, she knew that Shinji's internal battery life must be nearing exhaustion by now considering the sun was getting low in the sky. She clenched her fists at her side and her stomach churned as she stared at the black and white orb floating about Tokyo 3. Why... why did these things have to happen?
"This is just what Shinji gets!" she heard Asuka exclaim from where she stood just a few meters away from her, her back turned. "He starts getting top marks in our sync tests and then he just has to go and play at being a hero, what a dumb ass!"
The fiery redhead's words ignited a fire in her veins. How could she be saying these things about him?The way Asuka had said what she had reminded her of how hateful she'd been in her past life. It filled her with fury and before she could stop herself she'd stormed over to her. "Stop," she commanded.
Asuka turned around to face her. "What?" she huffed with her nose scrunched up in a disdainful display.
Red eyes met teal, and Rei was shaking in fury. She bared her teeth and seethed. The redhead she'd called a friend was reminding her too much of how she'd been in the timeline she'd lived in past. How dare she speak so derisively of Shinji. Even if he'd acted rashly, he was lost, maybe forever, and she wouldn't stand to hear insults slung at him! "Don't..." she hissed through clenched teeth with a menacing glare. "Don't speak ill of him..."
Asuka snorted and stared her down. "What!?" she spat. "I'm just stating the truth about it! He acted like an idiot and this is what he gets!"
The overwhelming urge to strike the fiery redhead was burning within her. Every fiber of her being wanted to smack her, but she knew that would cause nothing but trouble. Even so, she wouldn't back down. Her eyes stung and it was getting hard to see properly and her breathing was speeding up as she stepped closer to Asuka. "Do not speak ill of him..." she repeated, trying her best to keep her voice level but her composure was quickly evaporating.
Asuka sneered. "What!?" she growled. "Are you gonna do something about it Wonder-girl?"
Rei was very seriously considering doing something about it. However, before she had a chance to speak or act, Misato spoke up from where she stood a few feet away. "Knock it off you two!" she snapped.
She turned away from Asuka to regard her commanding officer, still seething from the confrontation. Misato was facing away from her but Rei didn't need to see her face to tell she was stressed too, it showed in her posture. Part of her was a little bit... offended that she'd interrupted the argument between herself and Asuka. Misato should be just as worried about Shnji as she was...
Misato continued speaking, this time sounding more somber than angry or upset. "Asuka's right that he acted foolishly without consulting anyone," she muttered. "So I guess... I guess I'll just have to punish him when he comes back.."
Rei let those words sink in. Misato was right... if Shinji survived he definitely deserved to a stern talk but that still didn't mean what Asuka was saying about him was okay. She turned her attention back to Asuka and glared at her through misty eyes. After a moment she couldn't bear it any more and hung her head. "Even if he brought it on himself, don't disparage him..." she murmured, her throat closing up. "He could be... he might be..." she couldn't say the rest. It was simply too painful.
Asuka continued glaring at her for a moment before turning away and crossing her arms. "Fine..." she muttered in a somber tone. "For the record, I'm worried about him too..."
Rei felt any remaining anger she felt toward Asuka evaporate, leaving only the worry she felt for Shinji. She said nothing and turned her gaze back to that horrid sphere in the sky. Her eyes narrowed and she focused all of her willpower on steadying her breathing and heart rate, on calming down and fighting back tears. Whenever Dr. Akagi and Misato figured out a plan she need to be composed in order to execute it. She desperately hoped that they would figure out something, anything, sooner rather than later...
He would admit that after getting sucked into that horrifying black void that had opened beneath him and his Eva it had been difficult to suppress his panic and do what needed to be done. As soon as his Eva's head had become fully enveloped by the shadow changed from absolute darkness to a complete void of white. This was followed by a feeling of weightlessness which further unnerved him. Seconds later, his cable must have become severed as his internal battery began to drain. It was moments like this that he was thankful for his training. After assessing if there was any imminent threats around him and finding none he made a hard decision, the decision to power down his Eva, go into pure life support mode, and hope for a rescue...
Shinji would admit that the panic hadn't subsided during the first hour or so within the plug but now it had been nearly twelve hours, stuck in his plug with absolutely nothing to do. In the time since he'd gone from fear, to boredom, to exhaustion. After spending hours just staring at the inside of his plug, listening for any faint squelch on his radio and trying to remain ready for combat if need be, he was very tired. "Who knew that doing nothing could be so exhausting..." he whispered aloud.
He had to do something, he'd been waiting too long and his mind was becoming too fatigued to just sit there in his plug any longer. It was risky, but he decided that after sitting there for so long in nothing but the dim light of his plug's interior that he could chance activation and reassessing his situation.
Shinji threw the switch on his control column and the plug's displays flashed to life with that characteristic shimmering sound when the holographic displays started up. He frowned at the sight before him. There was nothing but a sea of white and his radio hissing softly, unable to receive a signal. "Still nothing but static... he muttered. "No radar or sonar readings either..."
He powered down the Eva and took a look on the wrist display on his plug suit. He'd set a stop watch a few minutes after first powering down and at present it had just hit twelve hours... He heaved a sigh and flopped back in his seat. His life support systems wouldn't last all that much longer, another four hours if that...
Over the twelve hours he'd spent isolated and alone in his plug he'd grappled with the possibility that he wouldn't be rescued, that he might die, alone in his entry plug. It wasn't a pleasant prospect in the slightest, especially considering he had only himself to blame for his predicament. If he hadn't acted so rashly then he wouldn't be in the dire situation he was in... but there was a small amount of peace that came with it. If he died then he'd no longer have to grapple with any of the things that had made his life so difficult. He'd no longer have to contend with his difficulties with his father, piloting the Eva, his feelings for Rei... none of it would matter any more. If he was going to die then at least he could take some comfort in that...
His stomach growled. "I'm hungry..." he muttered to himself. If only he'd had a chance to eat a bigger breakfast it would make the fatigue and stress of the situation that much easier. He sighed... none of that mattered he concluded as he closed his eyes. There was nothing he could do anymore, might as well sleep and try not to think about any of it...
Ritsuko had finally finished her analysis on the Angel and she was ready to present them to the combat operations team. However, considering the nature of the enemy and what would most likely have to be done regarding it, she felt it necessary to phone Commander Ikari. She didn't like being the bearer of bad news but it seemed like a pertinent step to take, and so she pulled out her cell phone and dialed the NERV central command bridge... "What are your findings?" Commander Ikari's voice boomed over the line before she had a chance to speak.
"We've finished our analysis on the Angel," she replied. She knew she didn't have to elaborate much or mince words on the matter, he was a scientist as well after all, he would understand what she had to say next... "It appears to be creating some kind of Dirac Sea."
"Interesting..." Commander Ikari muttered darkly. "So Unit 01 is trapped within a theoretical space... Can it and its pilot be recovered?"
Ritsuko frowned. Of course he was going to ask that question... "I... I don't know, sir..." she replied truthfully after a long pause.
"I see..." Commander Ikari returned. There was another pause before he spoke again. "If that is the case then the recovery of Unit 01 takes priority, regardless of the pilot's well being..."
Ritsuko understood exactly what he was getting at with that statement... It was certainly not an ideal directive but from a strategic standpoint she understood it. Still, that didn't mean she didn't find it quite cold. Then again, it wasn't her place to question and emotion had no place in the world of a scientist. She would do what had to be done... "Yes sir..." she replied.
"Brief the combat division. Do as you see fit," he ordered. Without another word he hung up and the line went dead.
Ritsuko stood where she was holding her cell phone for a moment before turning to Maya. "Is something wrong, senpai?" her trusted assistant asked.
She pushed down any second guesses and hard feelings regarding Shinji and his predicament and shook her head. As sickening as it was, it was her orders, and she had no choice but to carry them out. "No," she lied... "Assemble the combat division. We need to brief them on what we've found..."
"Don't you think that's rather cold, Ikari?" Fuyutsuki asked as soon as he'd hung up the phone.
He scowled behind his gloves and didn't spare his old sensei as much as a glance, preferring to continue staring at the camera feeds showing the Angel and the data related to it on the central display. "It is necessary," he replied flatly.
"I agree, but you didn't answer my question..." the older man returned, a hint of amusement in his tone of voice.
Gendo clenched his teeth and sucked in a deep breath through his nose. Indeed it was cold and he'd loathed giving the order but he had faith, faith that Yui would awaken and save their son before it was too late... "It is almost certain that Unit 01 will protect him," he replied. "Yui will intervene before it is too late..."
"I agree," Fuyutsuki stated. "But if she doesn't, then will you?"
Gendo remained silent, his scowl deepening...
The sun had nearly finished setting and every minute she knew the chances of Shinji's survival grew slimmer. Rei stood beside Asuka off to the side of the briefing Dr. Akagi was conducting on the nature of the Angel...
"So that shadow that swallowed Unit 01 is actually the Angel's body?" Misato asked.
"Yes," Dr. Akagi stated. "It's approximately six hundred eighty meters in diameter with a thickness of three nanometers. Sustained within that ultra thin space appears to be an inverted A.T. Field. Inside of that field is a region of space that can only be defined by abstract mathematics, a Dirac Sea. It could very well be another universe."
Rei stiffened at those words and her stomach churned. She brought her hand to her chest to steady herself... So Shinji could have very well been transported to another universe? If that was the case, was it... even possible to bring him back?
"So what about the sphere?" Misato asked. "What the heck is it if the shadow is actually the Angel's body?"
"It disappears when the circuit that comprises the body closes," Dr. Akagi replied. "It appears to be a projection of some kind. In a way, we can think of that sphere as the Angel's actual shadow."
"So the shadow that swallowed Unit 01 is the real target then..." Misato returned darkly, turning to stare of at the aforementioned orb in the sky.
"And that means we can't fight it..." Asuka muttered beside her.
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She didn't want to even consider the possibility that Asuka was right... Rei swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat and turned to face the redhead. "I'm certain that we'll find a way..." she said, her voice coming out choked and hoarse.
Asuka scoffed. "Don't you know it's foolish to get your hopes up when the chips are down, Wonder-girl?" she huffed before stalking away.
Rei knew Asuka had a point. She didn't want to admit that she had a point but Asuka did have a point. It was often foolish to be hopeful in the face of long odds... She looked down at her feet and crossed her arms to stop herself from shaking with anxiety. She closed her eyes to keep them from stinging. It was getting harder and harder to see anyway...
Shinji opened his eyes. He didn't know how long he'd napped for but he was still inside his entry plug. He was still alive at least so that was good he supposed... but why was breathing starting to get difficult? Then he noticed that the LCL in the plug wasn't completely clear anymore and the... smell hit his nose. It smelled like...
"Blood!" he shouted fearfully. "It smells like blood in here!"
The purification systems must have been shutting down! That meant that his life support systems were going to give out soon! Panic began to set it once again. He gasped for breath but no matter what he did it seemed like he couldn't get enough oxygen and he knew in that moment that he didn't want to die. He didn't want to die! He had to get out of the Eva somehow, some way!
He desperately grasped at the emergency release of the plug. Whatever the white void outside was it had to be better than dying alone in a metal tube, trapped within Unit 01. He yanked it frantically over and over again but it wouldn't move.
"Help me! Get me out of here!" he shouted desperately, tearfully. "I hate it here! Please, get me out of here! Misato-san! Ritsuko-san! Asuka! Rei! Father! Anyone! Anybody, please help me!"
The latch refused to budge. He fell back in his seat, overcome with emotion as breathing became more and more difficult. "Please... please help me..." he sobbed.
It was getting harder and harder to stay awake. He felt woozy, almost like he was drunk, but he was cogent enough to know that he didn't have long until the end would be upon him. He would never see Misato again, never see Asuka again, never see his father again.
Never see Rei again...
"I don't wanna die..." he sobbed as blackness closed in around him, his consciousness beginning to fade. "Please... I don't wanna die..."
There was no one to answer his pleas and soon after the darkness took him...
"You're just going to blow it up!?" Misato exclaimed in disbelief. The briefing had ended a little while ago and Ritsuko had asked to speak with her alone, having mentioned she'd devised a plan of action. If this was what she'd come up with then she must be insane!
"I'm afraid it's the only plan of action with a chance of working," Ritsuko replied, her tone sounding neutral, as if this was just another operation... "The plan is to drop all nine hundred ninety one N2 devices left in the U.N. Combined arsenal into the target's center. Simultaneously our two remaining Evas will expand their A.T. Fields in such a way as to disrupt the circuit that encloses the Angel's pocket interior. If we concentrate enough firepower under those conditions within a short period of time, we can destroy the Dirac Sea that makes up its body."
Misato couldn't believe what she'd just heard. She was honestly suggesting dropping high yield explosives into the Angel with Shinji inside it! "Bu- but the damage to the Eva w- would be..." she stuttered with a mix of disbelief and anger. "Sh- Shinji wouldn't ah... What in the hell kind of rescue operation is this!?"
Ritsuko's expression darkened. "It's not a rescue operation..." she muttered.
Misato's eyes went wide. "What?" blurted out, shocked. What was she saying? Was she really saying...
Ristuko's scowl deepened. "Our priority is salvaging Unit 01," she replied. "Even if it has to be severely damaged or destroyed in the process..."
Misato balled her fists. Her friend's words were really starting to piss her off. How could she be so damned heartless! "Now you wait just a second!" she shouted, stepping closer to the faux blonde.
Ritsuko's expression hardened. "Considering the present circumstance, the pilot's life is deemed irrelevant," she replied.
She couldn't stop herself. For her to say that about Shinji, her ward, someone who had become almost like a little brother to her, it was unforgivable! Why was Unit 01 so much more important than Shinji anyway!? To think that Commander Ikari must have cleared this plan of action, that he would forsake his son for a dumb Evangelion!? It was all too much... Misato bared her teeth in anger, raised her hand, and lashed out, slapping the faux blonde scientist across her cheek hard enough to knock her glasses off her face.
Ritsuko recoiled, put her hand to her reddening cheek, and glared at her. "It's your responsibility if Shinji is lost, Misato!" she barked, her composure from moments ago gone without a trace. "You seem to have forgotten that!"
She glared at Ritsuko and closed the distance between them, taking big handfuls of her lab coat's lapel in her fists. Why was Unit 01 more important than Shinji? Her mind flashed to Kaji revealing Adam in the depths of terminal dogma... Why did everyone keep so many secrets from her? "How come you and Commander Ikari are so concerned about recovering Unit 01 to the point you'd let Shinji die!?" she roared. "What's so special about it!?"
"You've been given the necessary information, Major Katsuragi!" Ritsuko spat with an equally venomous glare.
Misato loosened her grip on her friend's coat and looked away from her, anger fading to hurt and betrayal as she did. So that was how it was... she wasn't enough of a friend to tell her the truth. She was no better than anyone else at NERV... Was Kaji really the only person she could trust? "Bullshit..." she spat, finally letting go of the faux blonde's coat.
Ritsuko adjusted her jacket while still cradling her reddened cheek. "Misato, just trust me on this one..." she muttered before walking past her. "I'm taking command of this operation effective as of now..."
Misato stood in place and glared off into the distance with clenched fists at her side. So many thoughts were swirling in her mind... The truth about Second Impact, the nature of the Evas, Adam in the basement, this Human Instrumentality Project that she'd heard whispers about, that Kaji had mentioned... Why was it all being kept from her? Why? Why!?
Within her, the desire to know more, to understand and uncover the secrets of NERV intensified. I need to speak to Kaji when this is over... she thought to herself.
"So do you understand the operation at hand?" Dr. Akagi asked after finishing her explanation of the battle plan.
Asuka stood wide eyed and surprised beside Rei who looked equally shocked if not more so. No... she was definitely more shocked than she was, it was Shinji that was most at risk after all... "Are we really going to bomb it like that?" she replied meekly.
"Unfortunately, that's the most likely scenario that will produce success in destroying the Angel according to the Magi," Ritsuko replied with a sober frown.
Asuka glanced downward. Sure, she'd been mad at Shinji for rejecting her, for letting her know that she'd never had a chance with him, but she didn't want him to wind up dead... Even if she could never have him in that way, she still liked him enough as a friend. To top it off, it was definitely not fair to Rei. To think that she would have to participate in an operation that would most likely end his life... That was beyond messed up! "Yeah, I get it," she replied, folding her arms and scowling. "But I don't like it..."
It was then that Rei spoke up. "Dr. Akagi... Is there... Is there still a chance that Shinji can be recovered safely?" she asked in a voice that was barely a whisper. It was more of a whimper in all honesty...
Asuka turned to regard the azure haired girl once again. She had her head bowed and her eyes were hidden behind her bangs, her fists balled at her sides. It was hard to tell but Asuka could have sworn she was trembling. Her frown deepened. She could only imagine how she was feeling right now...
Dr. Akagi stared at her friend with a sympathetic expression. "There is a small chance..." she replied after a very long pause. "I'll push the timetable forward accordingly."
Rei let out a labored sigh. "Thank you..." she murmured meekly.
Dr. Akagi's expression returned to the usual stoic and clinical expression she usually wore. "Alright then," she said. "Get to your Evas and await further instruction."
Asuka nodded. "Yes ma'am," she replied.
"Yes..." Rei murmured.
Dr. Akagi turned on her heel and walked away toward the mobile command center for the operation. Asuka turned to look at her friend. If Rei had been trembling slightly before she was full on shaking now that Dr. Akagi wasn't staring down at them. Her brow furrowed with worry. She didn't like seeing the blue haired girl like this... She reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, are you alright?" she asked even though she knew the answer already.
Rei crossed her arms and nodded. "I'll... I'll be fine..." she whimpered.
Asuka knew it was a lie. She frowned. It was weird seeing her like this... "Y'know, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to sit this one out..." she voiced softly, trying her best to offer some comfort despite how painful it was to swallow her pride.
Rei shook her head, still hiding her eyes behind her bangs. "No..." she murmured weakly. "I am needed to suppress the target's A.T. Field... The operation cannot succeed otherwise..."
She couldn't take it anymore, seeing the usually stoic girl acting so emotional. Asuka yanked on Rei's shoulder and spun her around to face her. "Look at me!" she barked.
Rei blinked rapidly, her eyes wide and filled with tears that hadn't yet fallen. After a moment, the blue haired girl's lip began to quiver and she looked away. The whole situation felt so weird, here she was, the great and powerful Asuka Langley Soryu, trying her best to reassure the person who had stolen her crush's attention... "Look at me..." Asuka hissed.
Rei looked back at her. "Let go of me..." she murmured weakly.
Asuka sighed and stared at her friend. "Dr. Akagi said there's still a small chance that he'll be alright, okay?" she huffed. "Have a little faith."
Rei looked away from her once more, her frown deepening and becoming almost a grimace. "Didn't you say it wasn't good to have faith in the face of long odds?" she replied softly.
Asuka snarled. "Fuck what I said!" she shouted. "You want him back too, don't you!?"
Rei bowed her head, once again hiding her face with her bangs. Though she said nothing, she nodded her head softly after a pause.
Asuka released her grip on Rei and began walking away. It was so pathetic and tiresome! She hated seeing Rei act like this. She was getting sick of seeing Rei act so pathetically all over that idiot Shinji... She hated that deep down she was just as worried about him as she was... "Then get your ass in gear and get to your Eva..." she spat over her shoulder as she walked. "We have a job to do..."
Shinji opened his eyes. It was... strange. He should be dead by now he surmised but he was conscious. He was no longer in his entry plug, rather he was sitting on a train car at sunset, his SDAT player in his hand, sitting across from a younger version of himself. He had to be dead, or dreaming, or hallucinating... he didn't know which but somehow it didn't matter. He was there, on that train car, in that moment, experiencing it. It was... real, and yet it wasn't. He knew it wasn't real but it appeared real. What were the words for what he was experiencing? "Who are you?" he asked the vision before him.
I am you, Shinji Ikari...
The vision never opened its mouth and yet a voice that sounded like his own pierced through his mind. It filled him with no small amount of anxiety... "What do you mean?" Shinji asked nervously. "I am me..."
Yet I am also you. I am the other you, the you that exists in the minds of others.
He clutched the cassette player in his hands tightly, like some kind of anchor. "What do you mean?" he asked. "There are two of me?"
Yes. There is the Shinji Ikari that is, and the Shinji Ikari that is observed by others. There is the Shinji Ikari in Misato Katsuragi's mind, the Shinji Ikari in Asuka Soryu's mind, the Shinji Ikari in Rei Ayanami's mind, and the Shinji Ikari in Gendo Ikari's mind... All are real and true Shinji Ikaris...
What was this voice or whatever it was that was speaking getting at? "What's your point?" Shinji spat, fear giving way to anger. "I know that people perceive me differently..."
And that terrifies you...
Shinji's anger evaporated. As hard as it was to admit it was true... "Yes..." he admitted.
You've lived your life afraid of being hurt...
He scowled and looked down at his cassette player, the thing he'd used so often in the past to escape from his reality... "Yeah... so what?" he replied. "Doesn't everyone?"
You play the roles set out for you to avoid the pain of rejection. You pilot the Eva because you want acceptance. You do these things in an attempt to escape your reality... to escape your fear of loneliness...
Shinji gritted his teeth. He couldn't control his response and the truth came pouring out of him. "So what if I do!?" he spat. "It's better than being alone!"
And yet you still feel alone...
Shinji's heart sank into his stomach. "Yeah..." he replied. "Sometimes I still do..."
This is because you refuse to open yourself and let others see the real you. You hold yourself back and keep your distance from others which prevent you from forming real bonds...
Shinji tensed. The voice was right. He did hold himself back and keep his feelings guarded. It was exactly what he was doing in regards to his feelings for Rei... but it was safer. It was better than the risk of getting hurt... "What if people don't like the real me?" he asked.
You can't live your life in half measures. If you do, then you will never progress...
"It's better than letting myself get hurt..." he murmured in reply.
Like how your father hurt you?
He scowled and grit his teeth. "Yes!" Shinji spat.
Did you even try to get to know your father? Did you try to understand him?
He clenched his SDAT player tightly in an attempt to anchor himself and ground his teeth in anger. Thinking about his father was painful. His father was the source of most of the misery he'd experienced in his life. How could he begin to understand someone like him? He'd been a fool to think that things could get better between them... His father had never wanted him for him, just what he could do for him. Why even bother to get to know him or understand him? His mind drifted... Usefulness at piloting the Eva... that was probably the same reason everyone else tolerated having him around. He was useless, good for nothing... why would anyone want him in their lives? No... that wasn't completely true. Misato, his friends, Asuka, and Rei... they didn't see him like that... did they? "I tried!" he snarled in a mix of fury and sadness.
Is that really the truth?
"I did!" he cried, holding his head in his hands as his emotions began to overwhelm him and spill out. "But he never wanted me! No one wants me! Whenever I get to know someone eventually they hate me! It's better if I do nothing at all!"
So you'd prefer to close yourself off to others and keep whatever good times you've experienced as a rosary, to relive them and escape into them. That is no way to live...
"But at least I won't get hurt!" Shinji retorted.
So you'd choose a life of loneliness and isolation simply because it's preferable to the risk of rejection?
Shinji didn't know what to say to that. Looking back on how he'd been before coming to Tokyo 3, before piloting the Eva, his life had been... hollow. It had been an empty life devoid of affection of friendship where he'd simply gone through the motions of living. It was easier, that was true... but it was never satisfying. Then he'd come to the city and met Misato and Asuka, Touji and Kensuke, Rei... Life had gotten harder for sure but... when it was good it was better than anything he'd ever experienced before in his entire life...
Would you prefer to go back to the way things were before you first piloted the Eva?
He didn't, he realized... but confronting that was difficult and painful. There was so much emotional weight behind that thought, prompting a need to reassess himself. Maybe he could open up to other people and be accepted for who he was... but the idea of rejection was so painful. He thought back to the day his father had abandoned him at the train station... He never wanted to experience that kind of abandonment again! He was so stupid... he'd already formed attachments to the people in his life which meant that he'd already put himself at risk for that. It was terrifying. If he never found the courage to open up to people they would eventually leave him eventually... but if he did open up to them then they still could! It was such a horrible thought! He didn't want to lose them... He didn't want to lose Misato and Asuka... He didn't want to lose Rei...
If you shield your heart forever, you will lose them. You will lose her...
His heart began to pound. How did the voice know what he was thinking about? Why was he being forced to think about this kind of shit? Why couldn't he just continue on with his life, if he was even alive, and not have to address such painful topics? He must have died in the Eva and be on a train to the first circle of hell... "I don't know!" Shinji shouted, holding his head, shutting his eyes, and covering his ears. "Just... just shut up! Shut up!"
Ritsuko stood in the mobile command center overseeing the final preparation for the operation to destroy the Twelfth Angel. Despite knowing she had to focus on the task at hand, the conversation with Misato and the two remaining pilots refused to leave her mind. Seeing Misato and Rei's reactions to what needed to happen had been painful. Come to think of it, she couldn't recall a time when she'd seen Rei so positively distraught. Then again, from what she'd gathered over the last few months, Shinji was her closest friend... Ritsuko didn't like the course of action she was undertaking either, but it was the most efficient course of action. Gendo wanted her to recover Unit 01 first and foremost... but that didn't mean she didn't hope Shinji could be recovered. She'd tried her best to accelerate the preparations to make that happen as much as she could...
"The entry plug energy reserves should be reaching their expiration right about now..." Lt. Aoba muttered in a rather sobering tone of voice.
"The plug suit life support system should be reaching its limit as well..." Maya voiced.
Ritsuko set her jaw and stared out the windows at the Angel before her... "We'll advance the schedule by another twelve minutes, fifteen if possible," she replied. "Lets do all we can in case there's a possibility that Shinji is still alive..."
When he opened his eyes the vision in front of him had changed. Instead of sitting on a train car he was standing on a boarding platform at a train station. The surroundings and harsh lighting... he recognized the place he was at. He looked down the platform and saw him... his father. He was walking away from him with his hands in his pockets, his shoulders hunched... He was reliving the day that his father abandoned him.
"Why?" Shinji murmured softly. "Why did you leave me?"
His father just kept walking...
"Why!?" he shouted. "Father!"
What you did today was very brave... his father's voice boomed in his ears. It was what he'd said when he'd saved Asuka from the volcano... Good job, Shinji...
He snarled. He must really be in hell... He watched as his father's figure drifted further and further down the platform. "Why even show me praise if you never cared about me!?" he screamed.
How are things living with Major Katsuragi and Pilot Soryu? his father's voice once again pierced his mind.
"Shut up!" Shinji screamed. "You don't care! You only showed me attention because you wanted me to pilot the Eva!"
Is that really the truth or is that just the truth you believe? the voice from before, the one that was his own and yet not his own, inquired.
"I don't know!" Shinji screamed, screwing his eyes shut. "I don't know! Just leave me alone!"
Then everything went silent, so deathly silent that it shocked him. Shinji opened his eyes once more... and he was back in his entry plug. He must have simply passed out and been dreaming...
It was even more difficult to breathe than before. The LCL was cloudier than ever with chunks of something beginning to form in it. He tried to move but the effort was exhausting. He could barely move without feeling like he was going to pass out again. He looked down at the stopwatch on his plug suit's wrist... The life support had expired. This was the end... He was going to die...
He focused all of his remaining energy on curling up into a fetal position. He shivered. With the heaters dead and the circulation in the plug gone it was freezing... He closed his eyes. He didn't want to die... He wanted to see Touji and Kensuke, Misato and Asuka and Rei again... but there was no way out of the Eva. He couldn't fight it any longer... might as well give in. "It's cold..." he murmured to himself. "It's so cold..."
Through his closed eyes he could faintly perceive a bright light in front of him. With great effort he opened his eyes to reveal a white light. He'd heard before that when one is dying that often times people see a bright white light. This must be death closing in on him... and then he felt a hand on his cheek. Out of the white glow before him materialized a translucent feminine silhouette that embraced him. Something about it, this apparition, felt so familiar. It honestly felt like...
"Mother?" he murmured.
Is this enough? A feminine voice pierced through his mind.
Rei sat in her Eva at the edge of the black shadow that made up the Angel's body, struggling to retain a grip on the controls. Her breathing was labored and the tears in her eyes were freely leaving her eyes now that she was in the solitude of her entry plug. By now it had definitely been longer than Shinji's entry plug could have sustained life support by now. The reality of that was overwhelming to her. Even if Dr. Akagi's plan were to succeed there was likely no chance to save him...
"T minus sixty seconds until N2 weapon strike," she heard Lt. Aoba call out over the radio.
She didn't care about the mission. She didn't care about anything in that moment. It was overwhelming to think that her best friend was almost certainly dead or soon would be. She felt a flood of fear and fury and despair rush over her. She was afraid, afraid of facing the future, afraid of facing the future without him... She was angry, furious that it was Commander Ikari's words and actions that had led Shinji to his fate. She felt despair that her hopes for averting the end of the world were all in vain.
Her shaking behind her controls intensified as the tears kept falling. She supposed that... if Shinji was dead then the Third Impact didn't seem like too bad of a thing. Dying one last time, permanently... didn't seem like too bad of a fate. There was the temptation to just... jump into that awful black void in front of her and get it over with...
Except she might still wake up in the depths of Terminal Dogma, she had no idea of knowing otherwise. Even though most likely she wouldn't, she had no idea of knowing otherwise... She grit her teeth and gripped the controls in her plug so tight that it hurt. She hated this. She hated that all Dr. Ikari's gift had led her to was more misery! She hated that this life just like all the others she'd had just ended up being a waste! If she couldn't even save the one person she card about most then getting another chance had all been worthless...
Suddenly there was a great rumbling in the earth and she watched as the surface of the Angel's body rippled and split with red fissures that erupted geysers of red. Rei's eyes went wide and her mouth fell open at the sight.
"What the hell is that!?" she heard Asuka exclaim over the communication channel sounding audibly shocked.
Rei looked upwards to the white and black orb in the sky. She watched as it went entirely black, cracks of red forming on its surface. Moments later fountains of... blood exploded out of the cracks and a hand thrust forth out of it... the hand of Unit 01.
In that moment she felt such relief. Shinji was alive. He was alive! How could she have despaired when Dr. Ikari... Yui-sama was there to protect him? She felt so... awed by the power that Unit 01 possessed. She felt... terrified knowing that the Yui Ikari she was watching eviscerate the Angel was not the same Yui Ikari that had sent her back. It... terrified her that even now she wasn't sure what it was that this Yui Ikari wanted, why she'd even chosen to stay within the Eva... Could it be as simple as... she wanted to possess the power of the Angels? Of... God?
The sphere in the sky completely burst asunder revealing all of Unit 01. It looked like a crazed beast. The sphere exploded in a splatter of blood and fleshy chunks which rained down across the city. Unit 01 slammed into the ground, landing on its feet. It then raised its hands to its sides, reared its head back, and let out a horrifying roar. It sounded almost... gleeful.
Yes... that had to be it. This Yui Ikari in this timeline wanted the same thing that the one that sent her back had... godhood. It was a strange revelation. She had been born from a god and she so desperately desired to be human. The person who had sent her back, that she'd been shaped in the form of, that had given her the life she currently enjoyed, was still human in this timeline, striving to become the god she wished to rid herself of. Rei wasn't sure what to make of that and she wasn't sure what it meant... but it was certainly a profound notion. One thing was for certain... Yui Ikari was functionally the god that had shaped and continued to shape her entire existence...
"Yui-sama..." she murmured aloud as Unit 01 continued howling like the demon it was.
Asuka sat in her seat within Unit 02 as the sight unfolded before her with wide eyes full of shock. She'd been an Eva pilot for most of her life and fought many Angels by now... but nothing could have prepared her for the horror of what she was witnessing. Unit 01 shouldn't have had the power reserves to do what it was doing. She'd never seen anything like this...
"Target... destroyed," Lt. Aoba's voice sounded in her radio. "N2 weapon strike has been called off."
Unit 01 let out another terrifying roar that reverberated across the city which caused her to flinch at the sound. She never flinched, it took a lot to make her fearful, but the sight of Shinji's Eva covered in blood and screaming like a demon... it was horrifying.
"I'm piloting something like that?" she murmured to herself, unable to avert her eyes from the terrible scene.
It made her wonder how it was possible. It made her think about the nature of the Evangelions. She knew that they weren't simple robots considering they were officially called synthetic humanoids. She knew that they bled and transmitted pain to a pilot during battle but... what on earth really was an Eva?
"My God... what kind of monster have we made this from?" Ritsuko whispered aloud. "What kind of monster have we created?"
Misato stood in the mobile command center beside the faux blonde having watched a berserk Unit 01 free itself from within the Angel with a mix of horror and awe. When the energy readings within the target had first started fluctuating there had been much confusion which had turned to shock and awe. Ritsuko's questions in response to what they were witnessing now was one she herself would love the answers to...
She scowled. She knew that the Evas were more than just copies of Adam... but what was NERV going to do with them once all the Angels were destroyed? How deep did the rabbit hole of secrets NERV kept hidden from her really go?
Unit 01's roars ceased and the massive creature fell to its knees. "We've got a signal from the entry plug!" Lt. Ibuki exclaimed. "Faint vital signs from the pilot detected!"
Any thought on the conspiracies surrounding NERV, the Angels, The Evas, and Second Impact left her mind. As soon as she registered those words everything was replaced by an overwhelming concern for Shinji. "Send out a rescue team immediately!" she barked as she moved toward the exit of the mobile command center. "Get Shinji out of there now!"
"Where are you going?" Ritsuko asked.
Misato turned around and glared at the faux blonde. "Where do you think?" she spat. "I'm going with the rescue unit!"
"We have to finish out operations here," the faux blonde stated.
Misato's glare deepened. She wasn't soon to forgive her for superseding her authority and taking command of the situation against the Angel after putting forth such a horrendous plan of action. "You're in command at the moment, right?" she hissed. "I'm sure you can handle it..."
With that, she stalked out of the room.
He must have drifted out of consciousness again because he couldn't remember what happened after he'd heard that woman's voice, the one that sounded so motherly... The white light had faded and everything had gone black. He wasn't sure what had happened but he was pretty sure he was still alive considering he could feel his breathing and all his muscles felt sore. He could vaguely hear some kind of commotion. It sounded like... voices? What was going on now?
The familiar sound of his entry plug's hatch door unlocking entered his ears. Immediately afterward he watched as the door shot open in front of him. The light coming into his plug was blinding but he didn't have the energy to cover his eyes. He felt relieved. At least he wasn't dead and this didn't seem like he was dreaming...
"Shinji-kun!" a familiar voice rang in his ears as a silhouette blocked out some of the light. Was it... Misato? "Shinji-kun!"
He focused his eyes and sure enough it was his guardian hovering over him. She wore an expression of relief and joy and tears were streaming down her face. He must have barely survived his ordeal... "Hey..." he choked out, barely able to speak. It was all he could manage.
Misato fell upon him and crushed him in an embrace, sobbing uncontrollably. It was a little uncomfortable but he was too tired to complain. At least she was happy that he was safe... He was happy that she had been concerned for him. Another part of him felt guilty. It was his fault that she was crying... "I'm... sorry..." he murmured. "If I worried you..."
He closed his eyes and relaxed. Maybe now he could finally get some actual restful sleep...
It was the morning after the destruction of the Twelfth Angel. Gendo stood wearing a raincoat in the Evangelion holding cages beside Dr. Akagi, watching as the behemoth was pressure washed down to clean off the gore that was caked onto it. His prediction had been correct that Yui would intervene just as she had when Shinji had first piloted the Eva. Normally he would be somewhat smug about that fact, that he'd been proven right, but... he understood the bigger picture before him.
The display of raw power and might that Unit 01 had displayed today would certainly raise many questions that he did not wish to answer. From what Dr. Akagi had informed her during their brief conversation on the walk to the holding cage, Major Katsuragi was starting to become suspicious of NERV and its purposes. That was a concerning development but considering there were still more Angels to come, five according to the Dead Sea Scrolls, her roll and combat director would most likely keep her tethered where he needed her. Of course SEELE would most likely be interested in what occurred above the city but it was nothing that convoluted reports and sugar coated assurances couldn't take care of. That left one final factor at play...
His son...
The thought that Shinji's reckless actions during the opening phases of the operation which had necessitated Yui's intervention were caused indirectly due to his own actions lingered in his mind. Fuyutsuki's question, asking if he would have intervened presuming he'd had the ability to weighed heavy. The answer was at once enlightening, frightening, and worrisome... Yes. He would have intervened if he'd had the power to...
"Do you intend to do anything in regards to Major Katsuragi?" Dr. Akagi asked, breaking him from his introspection.
"No," he replied. "Let her do as she pleases. For now."
There was a pause before Dr. Akagi spoke again. "If Rei or Shinji understood the full scope of the Eva's secrets they'd never forgive us..." she muttered.
Gendo said nothing in response to that. He hoped that wouldn't be the case, his entire plan rested on the idea that they would forgive him... but after today, after the ferocity that Yui had shown and the recklessness Shinji had shown he wasn't entirely sure they would.
"Are you going to visit him?" Dr. Akagi asked, obviously referring to his son who was currently resting in the hospital wing of NERV. "I think Rei is already there with him. He should be waking up soon."
It was tempting to just brush off the inquiry. If what the doctor said was correct, Rei was with him already. He'd probably prefer the company of a friend and comrade to him at this point. On the other hand... it was honestly a good idea. If his words had caused the boy directly or indirectly to experience the ordeal within the Angel, it was at least a professional courtesy to clear the air. No... he owed the boy an apology, a genuine apology between father and son. Ha... if only he'd ever gotten one of those from his own father. At least it would have the effect of preventing Shinji from risking Unit 01 so foolishly in future...
Gendo turned on his heel and stalked out of the Eva cages without a word.
Rei had been so, so relieved when she'd watched Shinji pulled from the plug by Misato, so much so that she'd needed to lean on Asuka just to keep on her feet. Shortly after that though, when the medical staff had arrived and thrown him on a gurney, the fear she'd experienced, that he might not survive returned full force and had remained until she'd seen him released into the recovery wing of NERV's medical ward. After that she'd gone home to sleep. Even though she would have preferred to stay by his side she hadn't for appearances sake. It wouldn't bode well for her if Commander Ikari to notice her being overly concerned and become suspicious... Now it was morning and she'd returned to visit him.
When she'd arrived Misato and Asuka were already in the room. Shortly after she'd arrived Misato had left but Asuka had remained with her. At present, Rei was sitting beside Shinji's bed waiting for him to awaken so she could... scold him for his actions.
"So..." Asuka asked from where she stood a few feet away, her arms folded across her chest. "What are you going to say to him when he wakes up?"
Rei continued staring at Shinji's sleeping form. "I'm going to tell him how much of a fool he was..." she replied. "For putting himself in danger..."
Asuka snorted. "Yeah, he definitely deserves that," she replied. "Anything else, Wonder-girl?"
Rei wasn't sure how to answer that but there were numerous other things she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him how worried he'd made her. She wanted to tell him how happy she was that he was safe and sound. She wanted to tell him how angry she was for making her feel the pain that came from losing him. She wanted to tell him how relieved she was that he hadn't died. She wanted to tell him how much she'd miss him had he died and how she'd thought about... giving up on living if he had. "I don't know..." she murmured softly.
Shinji began to stir in bed and instinctively she reached out and grabbed at his hand and clasped it in hers. Her heart skipped a beat. She hadn't touched him after he'd been pulled out of his plug until now. Touching him made it feel real. It let her know that he was really there. She found herself smiling so wide that it hurt...
Asuka scoffed and began walking out of the room. "I'll leave you to it then," she said. "Just don't get all blubbery like Misato did, it's pathetic..."
Rei's gaze never broke their lock on Shinji and she didn't respond to Asuka's barbed comment. Seeing him begin to stir, she wasn't sure if she could agree to the redhead's request. She leaned in and brought her free hand over to fully enclose the one of his she already held...
Shinji groaned and opened his eyes. He felt rested so he'd definitely slept for at least a while. The ceiling... it looked like the NERV medical bay. He must have been pulled out of his Eva to be laying here. He felt something... something touching his hand. What was it? He turned his head to look and instantly his eyes went wide...
There was Rei sitting at his bedside, holding his hand tightly between both of hers. She was staring right at him with those... beautiful crimson eyes of hers. Those eyes were brimming with tears despite the smile on her face. That smile though... it was electric. It reminded him so much of the expression she'd worn after he'd rushed to her in the wake of Operation Yashima except this time he was the one who'd nearly been killed. Seeing her like this made his heart beat so fast and made him so nervous. It reminded him of why he'd caught... romantic feelings for her in the first place. "Hey, Rei..." he spoke, smiling timidly.
Rei's grip on his hand tightened and the tears began to fall. Her smile contorted into a pained frown. "Don't..." she murmured. "Don't... don't ever rush into battle like that ever again..."
He stiffened and turned his head away in shame. That's right... he'd rushed into battle like a moron and nearly gotten himself killed. She probably thought he was a complete idiot for doing that. He felt... guilty for worrying her. "I'm sorry..." he muttered.
Rei bowed her head. He could feel her shaking through her grip on his hand. "I don't care if you're sorry..." she sobbed softly, her voice still sounding even despite her tears. "Just don't ever do it again. You scared me, Shinji. I thought you I had lost you... I thought you..."
He felt so very guilty for making her worry so much. She looked absolutely distraught. Seeing her like that made him furious with himself. He shouldn't have acted like such a selfish, emotional idiot! He sat up in bed, placed his free hand on top of hers, and regarded her with a serious expression. "I won't," he replied. "At least, I'll try not to..."
Rei lifted her head and met his gaze. Their eyes locked and her frown began to lift but her tears wouldn't abate. He watched as her frown lifted, returning to that radiant smile of hers. "I'm so happy..." she said, lifting one of her hands to wipe her eyes. "I'm so happy you're alive..."
His heart was thumping hard. The feeling in his chest was... indescribable. Seeing her like this was... amazing. Maybe... maybe one day he could confess to her and tell her how he really felt... but that time wasn't now. He didn't want to ruin the moment with something so foolish and selfish. He squeezed her hand tighter within his and smiled back at her. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not planning on dying anytime soon..." he tried to reassure her. It sounded so stupid once he'd said it but it was the best he could come up with in the moment...
Rei dried her eyes but her smile remained. She looked absolutely radiant... "Then that's enough for me..." she replied.
Once again his heart skipped a beat and his jaw fell open. He let go of her hand. What she said reminded him... what she said reminded him of what that voice within the Eva had said...
Rei's smile faltered. "Is something wrong, Shinji?" she asked.
He shook his head. Why was she reminding him of that motherly presence? It... didn't matter, he decided. He'd been hallucinating, it didn't matter if that motherly presence reminded him of Rei... On another topic, he'd wager that Rei would make a great mother one day with just how caring she could be... "It's nothing," he replied, his grin returning, placing his hand back within hers. "I'm fine. I'm sorry I worried you."
Rei nodded and sniffled. "You really did," she replied. "You... idiot..."
Those words... they reminded him of something Asuka would say. Hearing her say that, despite how deserving he was of the insult, was kind of absurd. The sensation in his chest overwhelmed him and he found himself laughing. "You've been hanging around Asuka too much, Rei," he replied, both his tone and his grin becoming a bit mischievous.
Rei's eyes went wide and she looked away, her cheeks reddening. "You embarrass me..." she murmured.
Shinji couldn't stop himself and continued laughing. "You know I'm right," he replied between guffaws. Maybe... just maybe... things could keep going as they always had for a little while longer, before he had to let his feelings be known...
Rei looked back at him with playful smile quite similar to the one he wore. "Maybe..." she returned softly, a small cute giggle escaping from her.
They stayed like that for a good while, just grinning at each other in happiness. If he was being honest with himself... he didn't want it to end, but eventually it did. Eventually she let go of his hand and stood up from the chair beside his bed. "Would you like me to get you anything?" she asked, her tone and features becoming that of the composed and gentle Rei he knew so well... "I can imagine that you're hungry after being trapped in Unit 01 for nearly sixteen hours."
He hadn't thought about it but he really was quite hungry... Right then his stomach growled and he felt his cheeks getting warm. He turned away from her in embarrassment. "Y- yeah..." he stuttered, any confidence he might have had in that moment quickly evaporating.
Rei nodded, that warm smile he adored so much returning for a brief moment. "I'll fetch you something," she replied. "Get some rest, Shinji..." With that she stood and left the room...
Shinji watched her leave the room before resting his head against the pillow of his bed. He stared up at the ceiling and his smile never wavered. Maybe... just maybe... things weren't so bad. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that his father had summoned him to pilot the Eva after all. Besides, what did it matter if he only cared for him as a tool? He had other reasons to keep fighting after all...
Asuka stood in the hallway with her arms folded a few feet away from the entrance to Shinji's room. She'd debated leaving with Misato after she'd been dragged to see Shinji with her but after Rei had arrived she'd stayed to give the blue haired girl a little support, as emotionally difficult as that was to do. It still really hurt that he'd rejected her the other day but her concern for her friend out weighed that, even if she was jealous of her to high hell. It sucked feeling romantically unwanted... but at least she still had her prowess as a pilot. She was still the best regardless of stupid test scores, seeing Shinji eat crow had proved that well enough.
She knew it was bad manners to eavesdrop but she couldn't resist. It had been kind of amusing hearing Shinji laugh about how Rei might have been spending too much time around her. She'd take that as a compliment. Still, she found their whole conversation pathetic. Of course Rei didn't have the stomach to really stay mad at him and of course both of them were too stupid to just say how they felt. Oh well... it wasn't her place to intervene. Besides, the longer it took for them to sort their shit out in regards to their obvious attraction the better. It was one thing for them to like each other like that and something completely different for them to act on it? She didn't know if she could handle seeing them together yet, especially with how she felt for that stupid idiot...
She was only shaken from these thoughts when Rei stepped out of the room. "What happened to staying mad at him?" Asuka scoffed. "You're as bad as Misato."
Rei bowed her head downward and smiled. "I'm just... glad that he's alright."
Asuka sighed. "Yeah... I am too," she replied with complete honesty.
There was a pause that hung between them. It seemed like the conversation wasn't going to go anywhere so Asuka stepped forward and turned to walk away. She'd stayed long enough to support Rei and had ascertained that the two of them were too stupid to advance their stupid mutual crushes. That was enough...
"Are you going to see him now that he's awake?" Rei asked.
Asuka turned around and forced one of her usual confident smirks. "Nah," she replied. "I get to see him every day at home. There will be plenty of time for me to ridicule him for making an ass of himself."
A small grin appeared on Rei's features. "Very well," she replied before turning to walk in the opposite direction down the hallway. "Take care."
Asuka resumed her walk, her smirk fading. "You too..." she muttered.
Gendo rounded the corner and entered the wing of the medical ward that his son was currently residing in. Throughout the walk from the Eva cages so far he'd debated over what exactly he would say to his son but nothing seemed good enough. Usually he was quite good at planning ahead but in this instance his skills in that regard were failing him and he knew it. He found himself actually a bit annoyed that he couldn't decide on exactly what words he would spare his son. One thing was certain, simply going into his room and apologizing outright was out of the question. That just wasn't his way of operating...
He rounded a corner and stopped dead in his tracks. He'd come face to face with Rei. That was right... Dr. Akagi had mentioned she'd gone to visit his son. The girl froze in place in front of him and her expression seemed like a mixture between surprise and confusion. "Good morning, sir," she greeted with a slight bow.
He regarded her sternly, despite the urge to smile at her concern for her comrade. "Good morning, Rei," he replied.
Rei shifted on her feet a little bit. "Are you going to visit Pilot Ikari?" she asked after a brief pause.
"Yes," he replied flatly.
Rei dipped her head slightly. "Your words... at the cemetery... upset him greatly," she murmured.
Gendo's eyes widened just a little bit. Thankfully his glasses effectively concealed them. So his suspicions about what had provoked his son's recklessness were correct... "So he informed you of what happened during my meeting with him?" he asked in perhaps a bit more biting of a tone than he'd intended.
Rei nodded and shifted on her feet again. "He did, sir," she replied.
Gendo stared down at her, not sure of just what to say. "I see..." he returned. "And this concerns you?"
Rei nodded once again after a moment of hesitation. "It... does, sir," she replied. "Shin... Pilot Ikari's combat effectiveness was reduced due to his compromised mental state, putting us all at risk."
He couldn't help but smirk just a little bit at her words. It was honestly a bit endearing to hear her put the situation into such logical terms. It was also obvious that his son had a marked effect on her, she'd almost referred to him by his first name. That could be an issue in future but it was certainly a salvageable situation. Perhaps if he was successful in patching things up with his son, thus raising his morale, it would buy him further loyalty with Rei... "Very well," he returned. "Proceed on your way."
Rei gave a soft bow. "Thank you sir," she replied before walking past him down the corridor.
With that concluded, Gendo continued his march down the hall until eventually he stood just before Shinji's room. He paused just before the threshold, out of sight, pondering exactly how to enter and initiate conversation. It was a... more difficult prospect than he'd thought now that he was here. Perhaps his decision to see his son had been a bit impulsive... no, he was here already. It had been a while since he'd used his skills and improvisation to sway a conversation. He hoped that he wasn't too rusty... He adjusted his glasses and entered the room.
His gaze instantly landed on his son who was laying back in bed. Shinji saw him and immediately sat up with a wide eyed expression. "Father? What are you doing here?" he murmured in what Gendo could gather as bewilderment. Then... his expression soured and he looked away with a scowl. "...Why are you here?"
He'd expected some level of hostility but experiencing it... it had more of an effect on him than he'd thought it would. Well... if he was going to be genuine, might as well make it look like he was as well. Gendo reached up and pulled off his glasses, letting his son see his eyes. "I was concerned," he replied flatly.
Shinji turned to him, once again looking a bit shocked. "You were... concerned?" he asked.
Gendo nodded. "Yes," he replied, trying his best to keep his tone even. "I was."
Shinji once again looked away. "Don't be..." he hissed. "I'll continue piloting the Eva... that's what you're concerned about, isn't it?"
Gendo's cold and shriveled heart did a flip. It was partly a true statement but... hearing him say it like that... the guilt he felt was something he expect to be so powerful. "Shinji I... I'm glad you're committed to your duties," he replied. Damn... why was this so difficult?
Shinji crossed his arms and scowled, still not looking at him. "Is that all?" he asked.
Gendo found his hands tensing up but outwardly tried his best to remain composed. "No," he replied.
Shinji finally met his gaze. "Then what do you want?" he inquired darkly.
There was no point in delaying it any longer... "I'd like to... apologize," he spoke softly, doing his best to retain an even tone of voice. "My words at the cemetery were... uncalled for."
Shinji stiffened and looked at him with wide eyes. "Wh- what?" he stammered.
No point in holding back now, he'd come this far... "Though your services in piloting the Eva are appreciated, I understand your turmoil," he replied. "Perhaps you are correct that I should have... been more present in your development." That was more than a bit difficult to say...
Shinji regarded him with a conflicted expression, eventually turning away. "It would have been nice..." he replied.
Gendo took that response in and nodded his head softly. The conversation was getting increasingly difficult. "The past cannot be altered," he stated. "The future still can."
Shinji once more regarded him with a surprised expression. "Wh- what do you mean?" he stuttered.
His words appeared to have the desired effect. Just as planned... He placed his sunglasses back on his face and turned to exit the room. "Perhaps I can make more time for you in future," Gendo replied. "Goodbye, for now."
"Uh, goodbye..." his son returned.
Gendo wasted no time in leaving the room. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and stalked down the hallway, hoping to reach his office soon. As uncomfortable as it was, spending time with his son during what little spare time he had would only keep the boy loyal. It was a strange feeling, once again extending an olive branch. He'd said it simply to placate Shinji but... perhaps he really should have been more involved in the boy's life.
No... he wouldn't have been able to focus on his work nearly as much as he had. His plans would be behind those of SEELE's if he had. Everything had gone according to plan and everything would continue to function as he intended, regardless of what uncomfortable interpersonal diversions he may or may not be forced to take...
After running into Commander Ikari in the hallway she'd quickened her pace to retrieve Shinji a meal. Upon reaching the hospital wing cafeteria she'd grabbed a breakfast for him of rice and miso and headed back the way she came without delay, the tray of food in hand.
It had been difficult to try and explain Shinji's position to the commander, especially when she'd been trying to do it in a way that wouldn't cause him to suspect her loyalty. She'd chosen her words carefully with only one major slip which she prayed he didn't notice. He didn't acknowledge it, but that could go either way... she'd have to wait and see. The most important thing to come out of that conversation was that Commander Ikari was visiting his son... and she very much desired to know how that meeting had gone. Thinking about it sparked a faint hope, hope that her initial plan for them could be salvaged...
When she reached his room she found him sitting up in bed with a contemplative expression. "I have returned," she called to him.
He shook himself from his daze and grinned at her. "Hey," he replied, his eyes drifting to the tray in her hands. "Thanks for bringing me food."
"You're welcome," Rei replied as she tread toward his bedside. She set the tray down on the small table beside his bed and returned to the chair she'd been sitting in earlier in the day.
Shinji said nothing and he didn't touch his food, that contemplative look returning. Rei felt her stomach tying in knots. Had things gone poorly? Had they gone well? Why wasn't he telling her about it? The anticipation, waiting for him to tell her what happened was agonizing... "Is there something on your mind?" she pressed.
Shinji nodded. "Yeah," he returned. "While you were gone... my father visited me..."
Rei decided it best to pretend she hadn't run into Commander Ikari, that she had no knowledge of the event. "And what transpired as a result of this?" she asked.
Shinji ran his hand through his hair. "Well... he didn't stay long but... he, uh, he... apologized for what happened when we visited my mother's marker," he replied. "Honestly I'm not sure what to make of that."
So... things had actually gone well, relatively speaking. Perhaps her plans could still be salvaged. "I would take that as a positive development," Rei stated.
Shinji nodded. "Yeah, I guess..." he muttered, his tone turning dark. "But... it doesn't make up for all those years he wasn't around or all the times he treated me coldly..."
Rei understood where he was coming from. "Perhaps," she replied. "But... that does not mean that things between the two of you cannot be mended, though it may take time."
Shinji's lips curved up in the smallest of smiles. "You're right..." he replied after a while. "But it's gonna take a lot of time if it ever happens."
Rei mirrored his expression. There was hope for her designs regarding the future, yes, but really... she was just glad that Shinji was getting back to being his old self. Even discounting the way their relationship could effect the outcome of the Angel War, she was glad that Shinji might actually begin to heal the wounds caused by his father's absence. "This might be true," she returned. "But if you keep trying, eventually, anything is possible."
Those words perhaps held more meaning, more hope for her than they did for him but they were worth saying. Shinji's smile grew wider and he let out a soft chuckle. "I swear..." he replied. "I swear you always know what to say, Rei. I've said it before, but I wish I had that determination, that inner strength you have... I've always been a coward."
Rei felt her cheeks fill with fire and she looked away from him. Why did he always make her feel this way when he complimented her? "Y- you flatter me," she stammered.
"Don't be," Shinji replied. "It's the truth."
Rei frowned. She hated how he always put himself down. She wished he wouldn't do that. "You are not a coward," she returned, trying to reassure him.
Shinji chuckled wryly. "I am... but I'll take your advice," he replied, his voice falling back into that serious, contemplative tone he'd had at the beginning of their conversation. "After all, anything is possible, right? Even... even things getting better between me and him... Thanks, Rei..."
Once again she found herself blushing. "You are very welcome, Shinji..." she replied, grinning.
They talked a bit more while Shinji ate the meal she'd brought for him and then she'd left to bring the dishes and tray back to the cafeteria. She couldn't help but retain the soft grin she wore even long after she'd left Shinji's room. The last few days had been quite a trial but... things were finally starting to trend on an upward trajectory, and all she wanted to do was bask in that elation. She checked in with the medical staff before she left the geofront and according to them Shinji would be discharged that evening. Her entire walk back to her apartment all she could think about was how nice it would be to have a normal day at school once again...
Ritsuko sat down at her computer, relieved that cleaning the blood and slop from Unit 01's armor was finally complete. As soon as the Angel battle had been concluded the task that lay before her, that had been opened up to her, had been calling her name. She'd finally opened the memory files and now the desire to understand exactly what if anything it was within them that had stymied her for so long. Even so... actually doing it filled her with a sickening feeling.
Though she'd not spoken directly to Rei in a while and hadn't had a chance to during the course and aftermath of the battle against the Twelfth Angel, she'd honestly... grown to like the girl. What she'd heard from Misato, and from what she'd passively observed herself during the course of the operation, her reaction to Shinji's disappearance within the Dirac Sea had been both so heartwarming and heartbreaking. It was just another incident in a list of events that had altered her feelings for the girl from quiet tolerance on the edge of dislike to... actually sympathizing with her, empathizing with her, and generally viewing her as a person instead of a construct of science. She couldn't help but feel dirty. If someone were looking through her memories like a common data file she'd be angry beyond belief. She imagined Rei understood that she would be doing this eventually considering what the Dummy System was but it was still a... grotesque task. If the blue haired girl did understand that part of the development process, Ritsuko wouldn't blame her if she held resentment for it and for her personally...
She pushed those thoughts out of her head. This before her was a matter of science and technology. She had to unlock the mysteries within and understand why it had given her so much trouble. If she didn't that could lead to further issues with the Dummy Plug System. She didn't want that. Gendo certainly would not be happy if that were to occur...
She opened the files once again, and began skimming through them... She had to know why it had taken so long for her to integrate them into the system. It was her duty as a scientist. That outweighed any personal feelings of regret or otherwise...
Author's notes
-edit- tweaked Ritsuko's final scene a smidge/fixed some typos
Things certainly are continuing to shift. The character dynamics continue to shift in various ways and depart the trappings of canon. The events surrounding Leliel I've been looking forward to covering for some time. I think that it's obvious that this chapter marks the real beginning of a paradime shift for all the characters.
If I had to pick a favorite part of writing this one it would probably be the final scene with Gendo. I just enjoy writing him and his character arc so very much as has been noted by many of you reading this. I will admit that the scenes during Shinji's entrapment within the Eva were extremely difficult to get just right. I hope that I did the pseudo Instrumentality esque hallucinations he experiences some form of justice. Oh, and unfortunately not too much Ritsuko POV in this one... can't wait to reveal exactly how that hanging thread she's been pulling on turns out...
Please let me know what you think and once again thank you all for supporting me!
Regards,
A.F.