The Girl Who Shouted I At The Heart Of The World Chapter 34: A Reason To Fight Part IV: For All, an evangelion fanfic

Chapter 34 – A Reason To Fight Part IV: For All

It was late in the evening and Asuka sat in the living room watching television, trying not to think about how Touji looked in that hospital bed hooked up to a myriad of machines, trying to not think about how it was partly her fault. Seeing Hikari on the verge of tears during that visit had been the worst. She could care less about whether Touji was in a coma or not but she did care a lot about Hikari. After Shinji had left the room and Rei had followed after him she'd left with her and Kensuke. The four eyed nerd had gone his own way after they left NERV headquarters and she'd walked Hikari home, trying to cheer her up the entire time but without much progress.

It was upsetting to think that it was partially her fault her friend's sadness and worry was caused because she had screwed up and let fear get the better of her in the last battle. She'd rather not think about it, it was among a whole slew of things she'd rather not think about, all things that could be solved if she was a little bit better at what she did... She wasn't going to fail in battle ever again, this was just more fuel for that fire.

When she'd gotten home Misato had been in a quiet, sullen mood which had done nothing to lift her spirits and Shinji hadn't gotten back yet. She felt increasingly isolated with everything that was going on around her. Hikari was upset about Touji, Shinji was... difficult to talk to for a number of reasons in addition to being upset about Touji, and Rei was concerned only about stupid Shinji... She had no one to talk to, no one to vent to... so all she could do was watch TV and try not to think about all the bullshit that weighed on her mind, to forget about how utterly alone she was feeling...

She heard the apartment's front door whir open and turned over her shoulder toward the kitchen. So the mopey bastard had finally decided to come home... she couldn't help but wonder what had taken him so long. It didn't take him long to appear in the living room, his expression as downcast as she'd ever seen it. "Hey," she greeted gruffly, trying to sound casual in an attempt at maybe pushing things toward normal, how they might once have been between them. "What's up?"

"I took a long way... home..." he murmured softly, avoiding eye contact with her.

Asuka sighed and turned back toward the television. It seemed like things would never be normal again, at least never fully... "Look, you gotta let it go," she huffed. "Yeah, Touji's messed up but he'll get better. You can't just blame yourself forever. You have to keep going and move on."

There was a long pause before Shinji spoke again. "I... I am moving on," he murmured softly.

Asuka turned around once again with a raised eyebrow. "Could have fooled me, you look like you're still sulking," she retorted.

Before either of them could continue the conversation the door to Misato's room slid open and she stepped out into the living room with a somber expression. She folded the arm that wasn't in a cast over the one that was and looked at Shinji with a look that conveyed disappointment and sympathy at the same time. "So you've decided then..." she spoke softly.

Shinji nodded. "I have," he replied. "Sorry if I'm disappointing you..."

Misato shook her head. "Regardless of that, I understand," she replied.

Asuka was beginning to become worried and confused. Was there something going on? What were they in on that she didn't know about? "Hey, what's going on?" she asked, her tone coming out a bit more indignant than she might have intended.

Misato's frown deepened as she stared over at Shinji. "Do you want to tell her or shall I?" she replied ominously.

Asuka stood to her feet. She didn't like what was going on. What were the two of them keeping from her? "Tell me what!?" she spat.

Misato thrust her chin out at Shinji. "If you don't then I will," she huffed.

Shinji heaved a heavy sigh. "Fine... I'll tell her..." he murmured softly, handing his head.

Asuka's eyes narrowed as she stared at him. What was such a big deal that required such a ridiculous display? "Tell me what?" she snapped, he curiosity and anger intensifying with every passing second.

Shinji bowed his head and shuffled his feet. "I'm leaving tomorrow..." he murmured. "I... I quit NERV..."

Asuka's mouth fell open. Was he serious? After everything they'd all been through he was just going to up and quit? Sure, he was having a rough time after the latest fight but to leave because of it? Even if he really wanted to leave one would think he had enough good reasons to stay to outweigh that urge... "Are you joking?" she gaped.

Shinji bowed his head lower. "I'm not..." he replied just above a whisper. "I'm sorry, Asuka..."

Asuka's shocked expression contorted into a deep and derisive scowl. Those words pissed her off. How dare he leave behind his duties and just walk away! Yeah, there had been times in training when she was a kid where she'd wanted to quit but she always stuck to her guns and persevered. It had pissed her off that he was such a natural at piloting, it had forced her to be on top of her game, but for him to just walk away? If she were his position that would be inconceivable! Even leaving Eva out of it, didn't he have the slightest clue how it was going to effect the people in his life? Did he just not give a shit? "Coward..." she spat after a moment of pause.

Shinji flinched. "I'm sorry... but I can't... I can't keep piloting," he murmured. "I keep thinking what would I do if it was you or Rei in that plug... I didn't sign on to hurt or kill people..."

She let out a snarl. So he was going to let one incident completely upend his life and all of theirs!? "You think I did either!?" she snarled. "So what!? We're both pilots and we have to do what we have to in order to defeat the Angels but that's beside the point! What about the rest of us? Did you even consider how any of us feel about you leaving?"

"You'll all probably be better off without me..." he murmured weakly.

This was really something. She wanted to be sympathetic to him, she really did, but knowing how much this effected everyone, even herself, it just pissed her off more. "Whether we will or we won't is for us to decide! This was a one time incident!" Asuka hissed. "Are you seriously going to quit and leave us because of that!?"

Shinji finally looked at her, his brow wrinkled and his lips in a tortured frown. "How do you know?" he returned somberly. "How do you know this was a one time thing?"

"Because all of our Evas are safe at NERV, you stupid asshole!" she exploded. "Just suck it up! You can't let your feelings determine how you live! You need to shove it down and keep going!"

Shinji sighed and looked away, his frown taking on a bitter, angry edge. "Is that what you do?" he muttered.

The fire surging in her veins suddenly froze over and a sickly, icy feeling replaced it. Those words brushed against a whole series of topics she would have preferred to leave buried and never remind herself of. It was true... she did bury things in order to keep going. She buried her failures, worries, and fears. She hid away all the dark memories that surrounded becoming a pilot in the first place and how her mother figured into that. She suppressed things in order to dedicate herself to the glorious tasks that she'd been entrusted with. If he couldn't get that and do the same after dealing with one little incident then he was nothing but a pathetic piece of shit. He didn't deserve her sympathies or her to continue trying to convince him to change his mind or anyone's affection, friendship, or love. Maybe she would be better off without him, Rei certainly would be in the long run... Asuka glared at him with a look that she wished could have killed him. "Fuck you, Ikari," she spat before storming out of the living room in the direction of her bedroom.

As soon as she slammed the door to her room shut Asuka threw herself on her bed and snarled in impotent frustration and anger. She wasn't about to let that jackass effect her or alter her perception of herself, she was above that. No, she was going to make up for failing in the last battle and never lose again. She was the best Eva pilot in the world whether the sync scored said so or not and it was time to live up to that moniker going forward...

Ritsuko sat in her office, finalizing the final installation of the Dummy System aboard Unit 01, trying to process the conversation she'd had with Rei earlier in the afternoon. Even though the work was relatively simple since she'd finished the source code a while ago it was hard to focus on. The events of earlier were clouding her mind.

If anyone had told her something like what had transpired between herself and Rei even a few month ago would occur or ever could occur she would have laughed in their face. The fact that she'd seen Rei legitimately come to her for comfort and advice, seeing her weep like an upset child, was still kind of shocking even knowing her deepest secrets. If her perception of the blue haired girl had been changing before it was radically altered now. Having seen her crying like that, holding her as she sobbed as she lamented her feelings of guilt over how the latest battle had gone, she truly felt for the poor girl. Even more than that, she was genuinely beginning to grow fond of her upon seeing that emotional side of her.

It was strange... she'd done her best to soothe Rei's worries and explained to her that it wasn't her fault. She'd held her and stroked her hair as she'd cried, something she'd never pictured doing for anyone. After that she had no choice but to see her as just a normal girl, a victim of the vicious circumstance of her existence, including her own creation. More strange was what their interaction had revealed about herself. It was so odd but their little moment together had... helped her understand some aspects of her mother. For the first time in her life she could understand just a little bit of what it meant to be a mother. It was honestly an exhilarating feeling tinged with something a bit bittersweet. Her own mother had never been so comforting toward her...

But that didn't mean she had to be the same. No... should Rei desire it, she would be that quiet confidant and support that she rarely had when she was Rei's age.

Ritsuko typed the last few lines of code, finishing the final coding for Unit 01's version of the Dummy System and sat back in her chair, lighting a cigarette. It went without saying that after Rei headed home to the shabby apartment Gendo housed her in her thoughts drifted to that man and her complex feelings for him.

The more affection she felt for Rei the more she found herself resenting him for how he viewed the pale girl, how he treated her, and what his plans for her were. Rei didn't deserve that kind of treatment. It made her want to hate him... And yet she still wanted to love him. She still wanted him to love her, even understanding all of that. Even after having seen him... shooting her in Rei's memories. It all made her feel so conflicted. It was definitely something she'd need to have a long time alone to think over whenever she could get a moment away from work...

More importantly than anything was the looming threat of the final few Angels which would soon arrive. Rei had mentioned during their talk that most likely the next Angel would arrive in the afternoon the next day, around the time that Shinji would be departing the city. In the alternate reality that Rei had experienced Shinji returned to save the day in the nick of time but she couldn't count of that, especially after how traumatized the poor boy had been. That made her feel a bit helpless. Even if she calibrated the Dummy System perfectly there was still the chance that Unit 01 would reject it like it had in that reality. It certainly didn't instill confidence in her. Moreover, there was the looming reality of Third Impact waiting to be initiated by Gendo in the endgame.

She supposed that she could shoot him if it came to it... but that would do nothing to avert the attack by SEELE. Perhaps if she were to explain what she knew to Kaji then he could alert the Japanese government of what was really going on? This was risky. She couldn't do it until later in the game if she wanted to keep her head and she very much liked being alive. There was also the fact that explaining something based on memories that weren't even hers of an alternate reality to anyone would make her look like a crazy person... for now she had no viable options to rescue victory from the jaws of impending defeat.

Perhaps... perhaps she could call in a favor from Kaji and have act as a tail on Shinji, perhaps intercept him should the Angel in the memory files show up before he'd left the city. In this scenario, he could be brought to NERV immediately and be conscripted back into piloting if need be...

But then again, who knew how the boy would react if he was forced to come back. He might completely shut down, try to harm himself, or at worst go on a rampage and destroy headquarters. In the unstable state Rei had described Shinji in, any of those outcomes seemed like reasonable possibilities, ones that she did not want to risk. Her hopes had to lie with the Dummy System or Rei being accepted by... Unit 01.

The phone on her desk rang and she had a feeling who was on the other end of the line. She picked it up and placed it to her ear. "Yes?" she answered, no greeting, just... yes.

"Were you expecting my call?" Gendo's gruff voice sounded in her ear.

He sounded stoic as ever but beneath that evenness it seemed like there was a hint of disappointment or even sadness hidden there. If she wasn't projecting and that undertone really was there then clearly he'd been effected by his son's resignation despite not wanting to show it. "Considering what's happened I did expect you to call or drop in at some point," Ritsuko replied.

"Very well..." he replied softly. "Then you must suspect why, correct?"

"To finish installation of the Dummy System as soon as possible?" she returned.

"Correct," Gendo replied. "But there is more. Considering... my son has resigned, how quickly can you reconfigure Unit 01's systems for Rei?"

Ritsuko frowned. It was something she could do immediately but it would also require Rei to be at NERV for most of the day and she knew she'd probably want to see Shinji before he left. Even if she wasn't able to convince him to stay she would probably want to see him one last time... She wanted to lie to Gendo but she knew the consequences could be dire if she did. "I could probably have that finished in short order... no more than a few hours..." she replied softly.

"Very well," he replied perhaps a bit apprehensive. "See to it that it is done. Have her report to NERV first thing in the morning and get to work. I'm... counting on you."

"Yes sir," she replied. "It will be done..."

The line went dead after that, signaling that Gendo had hung up. Ritsuko placed the phone back on its base and sighed. She didn't want to do it but she was still in no position to disobey orders from on high, at least not yet. For now she would do what she could to ready Unit 01's systems without Rei in hopes they could finish before the afternoon, before Shinji left.

Still... calling her in the morning to let her know what Gendo had planned was going to be difficult...

Rei awoke early in the morning as she always did but instead of feeling rested she felt very fatigued both physically and emotionally. Despite talking with Dr. Akagi in an attempt to reassure and console herself after Shinji had decided to leave she still found sleep difficult. The worries she had about the Angels yet to come and the worry that Shinji might not change his mind weighed heavy on her, as did her lingering guilt. She hated how despite having made so many steps in what seemed to be the right direction things were still turning out much the same as they had in the other world. She hated how she had so little control over any of it...

After finishing getting dressed she stood before her mirror and stared at her reflection, red eyes and blue hair looking back at her. She could see in her reflection just how tired she was, the circles under her eyes as evidence. Thinking back on it, had there ever been a time before in those other lives where she'd ever looked so haggard? In all honesty the answer was probably no. Even after letting her emotions pour out in front of Dr. Akagi she still felt horrible. Even with that gut feeling that the next Angel would attack very soon all she could think about was how Shinji was leaving and how it was all her fault...

Her cell phone rang and she answered even though she didn't want to. It could be only one of a select few people that had her contact and the one she wanted to speak to probably wasn't the one calling her. "Hello?" she answered, trying not to sound sad and exhausted.

"Morning, Rei," Dr. Akagi's voice emanated from the little speaker up against her ear. "How are you? Are you feeling well?"

The memory of Shinji walking away from her flashed in her mind and her breath caught in her throat momentarily. "I'm... not..." she replied truthfully.

"I understand..." Dr. Akagi replied after a brief pause, her voice sounding soft, tender even. "I know that yesterday was rough for you..."

Rei swallowed the lump in her throat. She didn't want to think about any of what had happened the previous day. She would prefer if if Dr. Akagi would just get around to whatever it was she'd called her for. "It was..." she returned, her tone becoming audibly somber. "What are you calling me for?"

There was a longer pause this time. "I'm... I'm sorry, Rei..." Dr. Akagi replied, sounding quite reluctant to continue speaking. "I... I have a favor to ask of you."

Rei's stomach churned. "What is it?" she asked nervously.

There was another long pause. "Commander Ikari wants me to configure Unit 01 for your synchronization data," she stated. "I'm sorry... I need you to come to NERV this morning..."

Rei's breath caught in her throat once again and her lip began to quiver as her eyes started to sting. No... this couldn't be happening. Why? Why was this happening? Wasn't it enough that he was leaving for good? Why did she have to go to NERV? Now she couldn't say a final goodbye to him before going to school with Asuka... "I... I understand..." she choked out, starting to sob.

"Rei, it's not my choice," Dr. Akagi returned. "I'm sorry..."

She clenched her jaw as the anger at Commander Ikari mixed with her sadness. "Don't be..." she croaked. "It wasn't... It wasn't your decision..."

"Still... I know you wanted to say a final goodbye to him..." Dr. Akagi replied. "Should it be a final goodbye."

Rei winced and shut her eyes. "It would have been..." she choked out. "But it doesn't matter now..."

There was a long pause. "I see... well... see you in a few..." the doctor replied. "For what it's worth, I really am sorry..."

Rei drew a deep breath and fought back the tears. "It's fine..." she returned softly. "I will be there..."

"Rei, I'm sor-" Rei ended the call before Dr. Akagi had finished apologizing or saying whatever else she was going to say. It took all of her resolve not to pelt the phone across the room. She clenched her fists and doubled over, pressing her palms to her forehead. It was already hard enough that he was leaving but now she wouldn't even have the chance to say a final goodbye should he not choose to return. She wouldn't be able to try and convince him to change his mind one final time before he walked out of her life perhaps for good... She was upset and angry, upset that she'd failed Shinji, angry that her plans had come unraveled, angry at NERV, and most of all angry at Commander Ikari for... just... controlling every aspect of her life. She hated her situation. She hated that she couldn't change it. She hated herself...

She took a few deep breaths and fought back the tears, ultimately succeeding in suppressing them. If she showed up at NERV like this it would cause her nothing but problems. Then again... even if she did, should Shinji fail to return and Unit 01 rejected her then none of it would matter whenever the next Angel showed up. If the next Angel to arrive were to be the one that had attacked after the death of Suzuhara in the previous timeline then they would be finished. Third Impact would occur on the Angel's terms and nothing would matter anymore...

It sickened her that in this moment of hopelessness and sadness the possibility of that didn't cause her much anxiety. She would fight her hopeless fight against it, should it be the next to arrive, as she had before and if she lost then it was nothing to worry about. There would be nothing to worry about. If the end had to come it was better if it came sooner rather than later. It was better than living an hollow existence until the commander realized his plans...

Rei Ayanami exited her apartment and headed towards headquarters with a heavy heart. It seemed she had no choice but to resign herself to the fact that she couldn't change anything and all her plans and efforts would amount to nothing.

Ritsuko had been hard at work finishing the installation of the Dummy System aboard Unit 01 as well as going over the preliminary integration of Rei's piloting data. She'd been hard at work at it ever since she'd gotten off the phone with the blue haired girl and was only stopping now because of a knock at her office door.

She got up from her desk after finalizing what she was working on and opened the door. There stood Rei looking... off. It was honestly striking, having seen her look so much more alive recently. Right now the azure haired teenager looked... hollow. The way she was carrying herself with a defeated posture, a vacant expression, and eyes that looked lifeless... it reminded her of how she'd used to be. It was truly a saddening sight. "How are you?" she asked softly.

"It doesn't matter..." Rei replied lifelessly as she stepped inside the office. "Should we get started with what you need me for?"

Ritsuko frowned. "I'm sorry that you couldn't see him again before he left," she returned, trying to sound gentle about it. "I still have to follow the commander's directives."

Rei looked up at her, that vacant look unchanged. "I understand," she replied. "Please... let's just... get this over with."

Ritsuko could hear the choked misery in Rei's voice and found herself biting her lip. Part of her wanted to try and cheer her up but she knew that no words would do for that. "Are you worried?" she asked.

"About what?" Rei murmured in reply.

"About Shinji-kun," Ritsuko continued. "About... anything?"

Rei bowed her head for a moment. "I... I have a feeling that the next Angel will arrive today," she replied just above a whisper. "If it does and Shinji does not return then we are powerless to stop it..."

Ritsuko's frown intensified, a pang of anxiety pulsing through her as those words registered. The prospect of an Angel induced Third Impact was far worse than even Gendo's plot coming to fruition. "Are you certain?" she asked. "Are you sure there is no other way to defeat it?"

Rei nodded softly. "I am certain," she returned flatly in that dead inside monotone she'd once spoken with. "Unit 01 will reject me as its pilot and will refuse the Dummy System no matter what you or Commander Ikari do to force it. Then, as you know, Shinji returned and synchronized so deeply that he merged with the Eva. That is what happened before..."

Ritsuko let that statement sink in. She knew that Rei had very good reasons to believe that this would be the case but the scientist in her refused to believe it. The Ritsuko Akagi of the other world must not have tried hard enough or have been determined enough to figure out a solution. There was always a margin for error and a small margin of success in scientific development and she understood enough of the scientific method to know that true impossibility is an impossible value. Even when the odds for a desired outcome are effectively zero there is always a minuscule chance of success. So far, NERV had managed to ride those small windows of success to victory time and time again. Even if they'd lost their star pilot they wouldn't start losing now. "There is always a chance for success, no matter how small..." she returned softly.

Rei let out a soft sigh and bowed her head. "I wish that I could believe you..." she murmured. "But... that doesn't account for fate..."

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow. "So you're saying you believe in fate, Rei?" she jibed, allowing a bit of playfulness into her voice despite the seriousness of the topic at hand.

Rei shook her head and looked at her with a mournful expression. "I don't know what I believe..." she replied just above a whisper. "All I know is what I've seen before..."

Ritsuko smiled wryly. "Well... if Shinji came back before, even if different circumstances caused him to leave, then why shouldn't he come back this time?" she countered.

"The circumstances were different..." Rei returned. "As you say..."

"Then... have a bit of faith in him," Ritsuko replied. "Regardless of whether he comes back of not I'll do as much as I can on my end."

Rei nodded and bowed her head once more. "Very well," she murmured. "I hope... I hope that you are right."

Ritsuko sighed, the prospect of this day being the day of Third Impact weighing heavy on her mind. "I hope so too..." she replied.

It was mid afternoon when the black sedan carrying him and Misato stopped at the entrance to the train station. Shinji stepped out of it after a moment of hesitation and stared up at the platform, frozen in place. This was it... it was final. In a few minutes he would board a train and leave everything, his entire life, behind...

The previous night had not been easy. Asuka's words had cut deeply and he had to admit that she had some good points but... the idea that he might find himself in another situation like what had taken place with Unit 03 prevented him from going back on his choice. Still... he hated that they would be leaving on bad terms.

Then had come the morning when he'd gotten a call from Kensuke. He'd answered it and listened to Kensuke speak until the NERV agents monitoring the line disconnected the call so it was brief but it was enough to make him feel sickened with himself. His friend had told him how he'd believed in him, admired him, and wanted to be a pilot like him, and how upset he was that he was leaving now. He felt guilty that he was letting everyone down by leaving and had spent a good amount of time after the call questioning if his choice was the right thing to do, just as he'd done after Asuka had chewed him out. Ultimately though, the image of Touji's broken body and the guilt he felt over that had won and he'd continued his preparations to leave the city, to leave his life behind.

But the worst part of the morning was that Rei hadn't come to see him...

After leaving her at NERV the previous day right after he'd first given his resignation it just... didn't feel right. It was yet another thing that that was adding to that conflicting guilt over deciding to leave. That was going to be the hardest thing about leaving the life he'd built for himself in Tokyo 3 behind forever, walking away from perhaps the one person who'd ever really understood him, that he'd grown to love. If only... if only things had been different. If only there was a way that he could ensure that he'd never have to hurt people again... if that were possible then he might not have chosen to leave. Now she was going to have to bear the burden of piloting without him there to support her. The guilt surrounding that was probably the strongest of all the things that were making him wonder if he'd made the right choice. It was funny, no matter what he did, there would be a burden he'd have to bear forever...

But it didn't matter now. He was at the train station. There was no going back. Even though his father had said there would always be a place for him at NERV he'd probably burned every bridge with everyone. Asuka surely hated him now, he knew Misato was disappointed, and Rei... considering the fact that she hadn't come to see him one last time she probably hated him too. He closed his eyes as a lump rose in his throat. Why was it that there seemed to be no way to win? Piloting the Eva something he couldn't handle anymore but leaving it behind just... now that he was here at the train station it felt... wrong.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Misato's voice shook him from his spiraling thoughts.

No... now that morning had come he wasn't sure he wanted to go through with it... but there was no turning back, as he'd affirmed to himself during his moment of pause after exiting the car. "Yeah," he lied, swallowing the lump in his throat and turning to face her.

"That's disappointing," Misato stated evenly, emotionless even, as if she were already trying to detach herself from him... "For a moment it looked like you were considering staying."

He drew a deep breath and let it out, looking away from her with a scowl. It was just proving his point. Everyone hated him now... so what was the point in staying? Might as well follow through on his decision since the decision itself had pushed everyone away... "I was..." he muttered. "For a moment..."

Misato shifted on her feet and he could tell her expression was darkening even though he wasn't looking at her. "And yet you're still going to run away?" she replied flatly.

Considering Rei hadn't come to see him off and Asuka's reaction from last night... "Yes..." he murmured softly, unwilling to meet her gaze.

"You do know that there will be a great number of restrictions paced upon your activities after you've left, correct?" Misato asked evenly.

So even after he left NERV would still be there, watching him. Why could he never escape? "That's fine..." he murmured bitterly. "It's not like I'd want to talk to anyone about any of this anyway..."

Misato's voice was softer when she spoke again. "Shinji... you can't just go through life holding everything in," she returned.

He clenched his fist. He knew that... but talking about all the pain he'd been through in life was so hard. Reliving it was too real... "That might be your way, Misato but it's not mine," he replied reflexively. "I'd rather not talk about my troubles..."

Misato sighed. "Well... even though you're not going to change your mind, for what it's worth, I'm sorry that Suzuhara ended up being the pilot of Unit 03."

He stared down at his shoes for a moment, pondering that inquiry. His thoughts drifted back to the day Touji told him about being selected to be a pilot and his curiosity got the better of him "Why was Touji picked to be a pilot?" he asked softly.

"From what I understand, everyone in your class at school is a higher level potential candidate to become an Eva pilot," Misato responded. "I don't know the details, I only found out about this recently."

He frowned. It seemed like NERV had it's hands in everything. He'd just been too blind to see it, too consumed with how nice it had been being friends with everyone, with living a mostly normal life sans piloting an Eva... "I guess that makes sense," he muttered. "I should have expected something like that..."

"Shinji... I know that we all placed a lot of burdens on you. I placed a lot of burdens on you. I projected all of my hopes, wishes, and goals onto you. We all did, because it was all any of us at NERV could do. You've shouldered a lot," Misato returned, her tone once again hardening. "I hope you don't hold that against us."

He shook his head and couldn't bring himself to look at her. "I don't..." he replied truthfully.

There was another long and awkward pause. "Listen, should you choose to come back, I'll leave your security codes in place, retain your access card, and keep your room exactly as you left it," she stated, her tone even and professional.

Shinji met her gaze and smiled softly before looking away moments later. It was a kind gesture. He remembered his father's words from the previous day... that he'd always have a place at NERV should he decide to come back. But... if he'd burned bridges with Rei and Asuka, Kensuke and Horaki, then it would just be too painful to remain. Compounding this, there was still that ever present knowledge of the possibility that he might still find himself in the position where he'd have to hurt or kill another human being... His smile contorted into a frustrated, mournful frown. Why was he such and idiot? Why did he have to be such a cowardly swine. The decision to leave had been so impulsive... Truly there was no win no matter what he did.

So he'd just do nothing... like before NERV, like before everything. He'd made his choice to leave. He had to live with it now...

He shook his head. "Don't bother..." he murmured. "Get rid of them. What kind of person would I be if I go back on my decisions?"

Even if they're wrong...

Misato sighed. "I guess you have a point..." she returned, her tone sympathetic and saddened but retaining an edge of dismay. "Take care of yourself, Shinji Ikari."

It was with those final parting words that she got back into the NERV marked sedan and left him there, alone just outside the station. He found himself unable to move toward the platform, instead standing stock still in place. He balled his fists at his sides as the gravity of his choice set in. He stood there in the quiet of the afternoon as the cicadas hummed across the city. It felt so wrong to leave and yet staying also felt wrong. Had he made the right choice? The conflict he felt about with was threatening to crush him...

And as if the universe had chosen to compound that compound that conflict, the alarm klaxons that signaled the approach of an Angel began to blare across Tokyo 3...

His body tensed as he registered the sound and his mind raced on what he should do. Knowing that Asuka and Rei would have to struggle against it, that everyone was going to be put in danger, part of him wanted to run straight to NERV. At the same time... he'd made his choice and it wouldn't change people's perception of him. Besides... it would be too embarrassing. Even if he came back and fought again they'd still look down on him for having left in the first place. He'd made a decision and he had to stick to it, even if it was wrong... With that in mind, Shinji moved toward the nearest civilian shelter with haste.

"All personnel go to first stage battle stations," Lt. Hyuga called across the bridge. "Prepare for ground to air intercept."

"Target status!" Fuyutsuki shouted from where he stood on the bridge.

"It's broken through our perimeter!" Lt. Aoba shouted back. "The Kamagataki defense line has been shattered!"

Gendo sat watching as the updates regarding the latest Angel came flooding in on the central display. The enemy had appeared without warning suddenly from the sea and was making a steadfast advance on their position. He watched as indicators on the screen representing artillery and missile emplacements blinked out on the central display one by one. It would seem that this Angel was something to be reckoned with...

He respected that his son had departed and understood his reasoning but in this moment with an Angel knocking at his door he felt worried. Being down a pilot and with one of his Evas badly damaged it was certainly a rough situation he found himself in. He supposed he had no one but himself to blame for this predicament. He'd directly caused his son a trauma that had caused him to leave NERV. The fact that an Angel had arrived in this moment seemed almost like some kind of karmic retribution. He could only hope that Dr. Akagi could make the Dummy System function or ready Unit 01 for Rei to pilot it before it was too late. Either way, it was all up to fate at this point for his plans to succeed or fail now. Part of him couldn't help but feel like he deserved to deal with this situation. Part of him couldn't help but wonder if the situation he found himself in was some kind of cosmic retribution for what he'd put his son through...

Suddenly there was a tremendous shuddering that shook the entire NERV command bridge. The Angel must have used some kind of energy blast on the city above. "The first eighteen layers of armor have been breached!" one of the technicians on the bridge shouted.

"I don't believe it!" Lt. Hyuga cried. "Eighteen layers destroyed in one shot!"

It was then that Gendo observed Major Katsuragi dashing onto the bridge on the level below his perch. "The Evas can't deploy fast enough for a surface level intercept!" she cried. "Deploy Unit 02 and position it for combat inside the geofront, directly in front of headquarters! Asuka will halt the target as soon as it breaks into the geofront! Status of Unit 00!?"

"Unit 00 is within the A.T. Field neutralization zone, Major," Lt. Ibuki responded.

"But the left arm and left leg still haven't been regenerated," Dr. Akagi stated.

"Then we can't send it out into combat..." Major Katsuragi hissed. "Damn... why did Shinji have to leave us at a time like this?"

Gendo couldn't remain silent any longer. "Dr. Akagi..." he called gruffly from his perch up above.

All eyes on the deck below turned toward him. "Yes sir?" the faux blonde scientist responded.

"Your integration of the Dummy System aboard Unit 01 is complete, correct?" he inquired.

Dr. Akagi nodded. "Yes, that's correct," she replied.

It was not a desirable option but it was the only one that was left to him. "Then send Rei out in Unit 01 immediately," he commanded. "Use the Dummy System as a backup."

"Yes sir," Dr. Akagi replied.

Gendo watched as Major Katsuragi continued to bark orders and the technicians on the bridge continued to scramble at their stations. Normally he would have been more involved or found their reactions displeasing considering they were all highly trained and should know better than to panic but today his thoughts were elsewhere. He couldn't help but wonder how things could have been going differently had his son not made the decision to leave. He couldn't help but think about how it was his fault that he'd damaged his son's already fragile psyche and how that had been the determining factor. It was his fault that things were spiraling now and he knew it. But... he'd had no choice, and he now had no choice but to continue his course regardless of the outcome.

It was too late in the game to consider other options... be those options in regards to this battle or for the ultimate endgame for which he'd spent years striving for.

"You're scowling," Fuyutsuki stated quietly beside him. "More so than usual. Are you concerned about the outcome of this fight?"

Gendo frowned. He was concerned and concerned about how he would continue striding forward. He was concerned for his son's mental state. He was concerned that Rei could be harmed. He was concerned that Yui might not forgive him once he'd gotten her back for all the horrible things he'd had to do, and those things continued to add up... "No..." he lied through his teeth.

Rei sat in the seat of Unit 01's entry plug awaiting the command to begin activation, not that it would matter. She knew already how this was going to go. Yui-sama was going to reject her and prevent her from piloting the Eva despite how hard Dr. Akagi had been working to integrate her synchronization data. It was nice to know that Dr. Akagi still had some faith that it might work but it was a fool's hope. She'd sat here before in this same situation and she knew without a doubt what was about to happen...

Even knowing this, or perhaps because she knew this, she couldn't focus on the task at hand. Her mind was too clouded with thoughts of Shinji to focus on the futile attempt at activating Unit 01. The only way that this battle that NERV was now engaged in to be won was if he decided to come back and fight. She'd been over this dozens of times already but she really didn't see a reason why he would. If things with the previous Angel had gone how they originally had then maybe, but as they had happened this time around the prospect truly seemed hopeless. All she could focus on was how she could have prevented what happened. She should have prevented what happened... and she hated herself for not being able to.

"Rei, are you ready?" Misato's voice sounded over the radio in the cockpit.

"Yes..." she returned softly. It was time to face the inevitable...

"Charging LCL," Dr. Akagi's voice sounded in the plug, sounding calm but Rei could detect a hint of nervousness in her voice. "Commencing A10 nerve connections..."

The multicolored flashing and glowing of the displays inside the plug began and for a second Rei actually believed that it might accept her... but then everything went red. She felt a jolt in her stomach as a wave of nausea swept over her. Rei clamped her hand over her mouth and tried to suppress the urge to vomit. It was happening just like before... and there was nothing she could do. "It's not... working..." she choked out to herself.

She sat there in the cockpit as her stomach continued to churn. It was only a matter of time before Commander Ikari aborted the activation and she could exit. She grit her teeth as she realized what she'd have to do. Asuka was going to lose her fight against this Angel and if she did so in the manner she had last time then she'd need to deploy in Unit 00, except this time her Eva was missing a leg as well as an arm. The gambit of using an N2 bomb like she had last time wouldn't be feasible and hadn't worked anyway. Still... if there was a small chance that Shinji would return and save the day, she had to deploy and delay the Angel. Even if he didn't return, she couldn't just... die without a fight.

Even if her coming fight were to mean her death, perhaps a final death that would destroy her consciousness forever, she would meet it head on. It was better than living to see Third Impact anyway, whether it was brought about by the commander or by an Angel...

"The pulse flow is reversing!" she heard Lt. Ibuki shout from her station down below. "Unit 01 is refusing synchronization with the pilot!"

"There must be something we can do!" Dr. Akagi barked, sounding desperate. "She has to be able to synchronize!"

"All backup channels are being refused!" Lt. Ibuki cried. "There's nothing we can do!"

Gendo's scowl deepened as he watched the frenzy unfolding below him. This was certainly not a welcome development, far from it, but deep down part of him had expected it. After the trauma he'd put his son through, Yui was rejecting him... and he had to admit that in a way he deserved it. He'd scarred their son and driven him away via his callousness and arrogance.

"Ikari?" Fuyutuski asked. "What do you think is causing this?"

"She's refusing me..." he muttered behind his gloves. "Simple as that..."

"And what will you do now?" Fuyutsuki pressed, an edge of unease slipping into his voice.

The situation left him little choice but he couldn't abandon his plans now. He had to defeat the enemy before him at any cost otherwise none of his plans would matter. But if Yui continued to reject him then what would it matter even if he did succeed? It was too late to do anything else but win... "Abort the activation," he called out calmly. "Redeploy Rei in Unit 00 and reactivate Unit 01 with the Dummy Plug."

"But Unit 00 isn't ready yet!" Major Katsuragi protested.

Gendo glared at her. He knew that she was right but having a damaged Eva deploy was better than having no backup for Unit 02 should the Dummy System be rejected as well... "Have her remain on standby," he growled. "Do it! Now!"

Major Katsuragi gave him a pensive look and nodded. "Yes sir..." she murmured.

Shinji stood on a hillside on the outer limits of Tokyo 3 just outside of the entrance of the shelter he'd been headed towards. Below he watched the explosions caused by the Angel's energy blasts billowing up in massive plume as the shock waves thereof thundered in his ears. The Angel which was hard to make out due its distance reminded him of the first one he'd ever fought except more robust and floating in the air. His pulse quickened with every ensuing explosion. Part of him wanted to run down there and see what he could do to help but...

"No... I made up my mind..." he murmured to himself, staring down at the grass with fists balled at his side. "They can handle it... they'll be fine..."

He wanted to believe the words he was saying but he'd never seen an Angel dish out such damage with ease. Even the giant diamond thing he and Rei had fought so long ago had needed a good amount of time between energy blasts to recharge. This might be the most deadly threat NERV had yet faced...

"Hey kid!" A voice called out from the entrance of the shelter. "Get in here! What the hell are you doing!?"

Shinji turned to see an adult man looking at him with bewilderment and waving him over to the entrance to the shaft that would lead to a shelter bunker deep in the geofront. He turned back to the Angel destroying the city and sighed. He'd made his choice... he had to live with it and hope that Asuka and Rei could defeat this enemy without him...

There was a tremendous tremor that shook the entire command center, causing nearly everyone standing including herself to lose their balance momentarily. Alarms were blaring, lights were flashing, the scene was one of complete chaos...

"It's no use!" Lt. Aoba shouted, turning around in his seat with a grave expression. "One more blast like that and the armor will be completely breached!"

Ritsuko watched the central display with growing anxiety. Despite all of her calculations and hard work earlier in the day Rei had still been unable to successfully activate Unit 01, just as she'd been warned. If this trend continued then the Dummy Plug would be rejected as well. Normally she would be beating herself up, ruminating on her failure, but not now. Now was not the time for any of that. All she could do now was stand by and continue hoping for the best, even if that would be in vain.

"I'm counting on you Asuka..." Misato murmured beside her.

She frowned and said nothing, letting her gaze drift to the floor. The odds of Asuka being successful she knew were long at best. Their best hope lay with Shinji finding it in himself to return and carry on the fight. If he didn't then all hope was lost, and Rei seemed to think that was in doubt.

All she could do was hope that Rei was wrong...

Asuka took up her assigned position in Unit 02 beside the central geofront lake, holding an automatic rifle in each of her Eva's hands, waiting for the Angel to break through the final layers of armor on the surface. Surrounding her were an entire arsenal of weapons, extra rifles, magazines, and two repeating rocket launchers. She was armed to the teeth and ready for anything that would come from the surface. This time she wasn't going to lose. In this battle she was going to redeem herself for her failures and prove to herself that she was still the best Eva pilot in the world. Screw Shinji, she didn't need him, she'd never needed him, just like how she'd never needed anyone in her entire life. This... this moment of raw aggression unleashed, the thrill of battle and the glory of victory, that was all she'd ever needed in life...

"I can do this..." she growled to herself to steady her nerves, a bloodthirsty smirk worming its way onto her face. "I can beat this Angel even without that stupid Shinji to back me up..."

There was a tremendous explosion as a hole was blasted in the geofront's roof, raining smoking and burning shards of debris and shrapnel all around her position. Then as the smoke and flame dissipated the Angel revealed itself, descending through the breach.

The monster looked vaguely humanoid but with the proportions all wrong. Its body was black and white with a few orange blotches. It didn't appear to have any arms to speak of and possessed two stubby legs protruding from the bottom of it's large, squat torso. The monsters shoulders terminated without a head to speak of but between them was a gray, skull-like face with it's mouth locked open as if fixed in a silent scream. Asuka wasn't intimidated by the appearance of this enemy, it was no where near as scary as the infected Unit 03. She grit her teeth and opened fire with her rifle.

The armor piercing incendiary shells she fired had no effect against the target, the Angel's A.T. Field must have still been up. This was strange, it should have been within the range of her own field already. Why wasn't it neutralizing? "Damn you!" she hissed as her ammunition in the first two rifles ran dry.

"Schiesse..." she growled as she grabbed another set of rifles. By now the Angel had descended to ground level and had taken up a position a few hundred meters away. She centered the targeting reticle in her cockpit and opened fire once again.

Once again, Asuka's barrage seemed to have no discernible effect, the shells exploding harmlessly against the monster's skin or just in front of it. Shrapnel was flying everywhere as her rounds detonated, landing dangerously close to where her Eva stood firing. Her heart was beating faster with every report her rifles issued. "I'm neutralizing its A.T. Field, aren't I!?" she howled in frustration and worry. "Why won't you collapse, damn you!"

She ran dry on ammo and discarded the pair of rifles in her Eva's hands, immediately picking up the repeating rocket launchers. "This can't be happening!" she roared as she fired once again, holding down the triggers as her blood began to boil. Once again it seemed to have zero effect on the target that stood before her motionless as if to mock her. "I can't lose again! Not again! Never again!"

She ran out of rockets, completely exhausting her heavy weaponry, and it was then that things went from bad to worse. The stubby arm like things on the Angel's shoulders... unfolded into a long gray ribbon like thing that lashed out at her before she could react. She barely had time to scream before she felt an agonizing pain in her shoulders that was so intense in knocked the wind out of her. Then... it felt like fire and ice all at once shooting through her arms and torso. She felt it... both her Eva's arms had been severed.

The pain was something unlike anything she'd ever felt before but all it did in that moment was piss her off. She grit her teeth and snarled. This couldn't be happening. She couldn't lose! Even in this state, she'd kick the bastard to death before admitting defeat! "Gottverdamter schweinhund!" she screamed in a state of absolute fury as she willed her damaged Unit 02 to charge forward toward the enemy.

Misato was in a panic watching what was unfolding on the central display. When Unit 02's arms had been severed she'd gasped in shock and disbelief. Now Asuka was charging forward, limbless, toward an enemy that would surely make short work of a damaged Eva. "Asuka! No!" she screamed in a frantic state but Asuka was paying no mind to her radio it seemed. Quickly she turned to Hyuga. "Sever the nerve connections now!" she barked.

"On it!" Hyuga cried as he threw a series of switches on his console.

She looked up at the central display once again which displayed Unit 02's helmet mounted video feed. The Angel lashed out with that strange ribbon like arm it possessed and it looked like it was heading right for Unit 02's head. "Verdamnt!" Asuka screamed over the radio channel just before the feed went dark.

This was horrible. Shinji had walked out of her life and now Asuka might very well have been killed... it was unbearable. The thought of having failed the two kids she'd taken responsibility for was agonizing... "Asuka, are you alright!?" she shouted frantically.

"Yeah..." Asuka whimpered after an agonizing pause. "I'm fine..."

Misato sighed and keyed the radio on the console before her. "I'm glad..." she murmured softly before turning to Ritsuko with a graven expression. "Looks like the Dummy System is our last hope..."

"Yes..." Ritsuko returned nervously. "It would seem so..."

She clenched her teeth and balled the fist of her right hand, the one that wasn't bound up in a cast. If only she had been a better guardian, if only she'd had been able to be there for Asuka or Shinji then none of this would be happening now... and now she could do nothing but stand by and hope that Ritsuko's science project would save them. From the looks of it, Ritsuko herself wasn't all that confident...

The plug had gone dark and Asuka shakily brought her hands up to her throat and felt the exposed flesh where her plug suit terminated. The last thing that she'd seen before the displays in her plug had switched off had been the Angel's ribbon like appendage darting out at her again, heading right for her Eva's neck. "My head is still here..." she murmured softly. Indeed... the neural connections allowing synchronization with the Eva must have been cut at the last possible moment.

Her heartbeat began to slow and her shock quickly turned to anger. She balled her fists and slammed her hands down on the control sticks, snarling in frustration. "Dammit..." she whimpered. "I lost... I lost again..."

Never in her life had she been more frustrated, angry, upset, and disheartened than she was in that moment. She'd failed. She'd failed once again and the shame she felt because of that was something she would carry with her forever...

Shinji sat against the wall in the bunker he was hiding out in away from everyone else who was huddled in that armored space who were taking shelter from the Angel just like he was. He could hear and feel the explosions of battle rumbling outside, causing dust to fall from the ceiling and the light fixtures to sway from where the hung.

He couldn't help but wonder how things were going out there. He wondered how Asuka and Rei were faring if they were already deployed. He wondered what sort of plan Misato had cooked up to defeat the enemy at had. He wondered of the extent of the disappointment his father was probably feeling for him at present... The feelings of guilt were continuing to mount from earlier in the day when he'd stood at the train station after saying goodbye to Misato.. He hated this feeling of conflict in his heart. He'd thought that quitting piloting would bring him peace but it hadn't. He hated piloting but leaving it hadn't made him any happier... and he knew that the guilt he felt right now could be assuaged if he just piloted again, even if it was one more time...

He grit his teeth. "I've made up my mind..." he murmured. "I won't go back..."

Just as he'd said that there was a tremendous crash and shook the entire shelter. Instinctively he covered his head as chips of concrete rained down on him. For a few seconds afterwards he was disoriented with ringing ears, unable to focus his vision on anything, but the first thing he noticed after regaining his senses was that it was suddenly a lot brighter in the bunker. The roof or one of the walls must have been blasted apart by the battle, he concluded. He turned his head and his eyes went wide when he realized what had caused the roof to fail...

The wall to his left had been blasted apart... and lying in the breach was Unit 02's severed head.

His mouth fell open in shock and horror. How could this have happened? Was Asuka alright? Was the battle lost? He paid no mind to the voice on the bunker's intercom telling the inhabitants of the damaged shelter to move to the next nearest one via the underground tunnels. He had to know what was going on up above and so he slowly, nervously began to walk toward the breach...

Gendo watched the crew on the deck below him with increasing concern having just witnessed the Angel making short work of Unit 02. This left him in a very difficult situation... with only two Evas remaining, one damaged and one without a pilot, he had no choice but to rely on the Dummy System. It just had to work... if it didn't then he would be completely out of options.

"Unit 02 is severely damaged! It can't continue combat!" Lt. Aoba shouted, stating the obvious.

"Can we recover Asuka?" Major Katsuragi shouted.

"Negative!" Lt. Hyuga cried. "Unit 02 is stranded in the combat zone!"

"The Angel has started moving again!" Lt. Aoba shouted.

"What's Unit 01's status!?" Major Katsuragi barked.

"Dummy Plug Insertion has been completed!" Lt. Ibuki cried out.

"Initiate contact!" Dr. Akagi cried out.

"Roger!" Lt. Ibuki responded to the command.

Gendo clenched his jaw behind his gloves. This was the moment of truth. If Yui rejected him now then everything he'd done in pursuit of the better world he'd dreamed would be for nothing... and then the displays across the bridge flashed red with an error message. He closed his eyes behind his glasses. He couldn't show the pang of despair he felt, he had to keep the facade of the stoic leader he'd cultivated so well. He'd lost his son... and now his wife was rejecting his efforts, rejecting his scenario, and perhaps giving up on the world at large...

"The pulse flow is reversing!" Lt. Ibuki shouted, turning around and looking back at him. "Unit 01 won't activate!"

"I can't believe it..." Dr. Akagi murmured, breaking the shocked silence that had fallen across the command center after a few seconds. "After all the work I've done this still happens... both the Dummy Plug and Rei were refused..."

"This isn't good," Fuyutuski murmured beside him. "What options do we have left?"

He wasted no time in standing up from his seat. He couldn't give up now. Even if what he'd been striving for was wrong or if it was right and no one would understand he had to keep pressing forward. It was too late to avert the inevitable, he had to keep trying. One way or another, he had to get Yui to see reason and do what needed to be done... "Fuyutuski, you have command..." he growled as he stalked off of the bridge.

After disembarking from Unit 01, Rei had made her way to Unit 00 without any delay or second thought. She was scared on the walk to her Eva, knowing that she would most likely be soundly defeated... but she had to do something. She had to delay the Angel as much as possible even if it would mean nothing, even if Shinji wouldn't return to save everyone...

She breathed deeply after entering the plug and throwing the switches to have in inserted into her Eva. This was it, time to let go of her fear. If she thought about the potential of dying then she couldn't do what she needed to do. Besides... it wasn't like she hadn't died before anyway.

Rei flooded the plug with LCL and threw the series of switches to begin activation. The displays in her cockpit came to life with the usual multicolored rippling. Moments later her radio came to life. "Rei! What are you doing!?" Misato shouted over the radio. "Unit 00 isn't suitable for combat! What are you thinking!?"

Rei swallowed the lump in her throat and gripped the control sticks tightly. "I am deploying," she replied curtly.

"Rei, your Eva is too damaged to fight," Dr. Akagi's voice came over the radio. "Please, reconsider..."

She closed her eyes. "I will not," Rei replied softly. Of course Dr. Akagi would still have faith that the Dummy System would work. "Please, send me to the surface at a port nearest a sniper rifle."

There was a long silence and her heart began beating fast once again. Were they going to force eject her from the Eva? Why was everyone so silent? Didn't they see that this was the only way, the only thing she could do? The longer she waited to get to the surface the more she didn't want to go up and fight at all. Then... then the radio came to life once again. "State your reasoning," the commander's gruff voice sounded through it.

Rei tried to steady her breathing. "I wish to fight a delaying action," she replied, the nervousness slipping into her tone despite her efforts. "In order to buy time..."

"Overruled," Commander Ikari snapped. "We're working to activate the Dummy System aboard Unit 01 as we speak. There is no need for you to deploy."

She grit her teeth as the fear she was feeling gave way to anger. Of course he would try to stop her in this condition, she was too important for his plans after all... If only her Eva hadn't lost a leg, she would have launched herself already like the last time! Her better judgment was discarded and she dared to talk back to the man who had always held control over her entire life in his hands. So what if he punished her for what she had to say... "Even so, that might not happen in time to stop the Angel," she replied. "Request to launch, sir."

"Request denied!" Commander Ikari snapped. "It's too dangerous, pilot!"

Rei grit her teeth. "With all due respect, sir, if Unit 01 rejects the system then we will be out of options," she replied. She didn't want to say what needed to be said, the only thing that would get him to let her go... "If I die... If I die then..." she just couldn't say it, she couldn't say that she was replaceable... "If laying down my life can make a difference in this battle... then I'll give it gladly..."

There was another long pause. "I see..." the commander returned, his voice now coming soft, almost concerned even. "Permission to deploy granted. Don't get yourself killed..."

Rei's brow knit up, all sorts of conflicting emotions welling up within her. She knew he didn't really care but in these moments where he sounded like he did it reminded her of how things had been, before she'd seen through his lies... and even so his words still managed to effect her. "Yes sir..." she murmured in reply.

She felt her Eva jolt as the rack her unit's shoulder pylons were locked to began to move toward a catapult which would take her to the surface. Rei closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She needed to remain calm and face the inevitable with dignity. Silently, she said a prayer to whatever powers would listen to her that Shinji might still return and rescue everyone. If only he were here then she wouldn't have to be doing this deployment. If he were here he wouldn't let her go. He'd have concern for her, genuine concern unlike his father. If he were here, she knew he would do anything he could to see that she remained safe. That was just the kind of person he was...

But he wasn't here and likely would never be again... and so everything came down to her. She knew that her chances of winning were next to zero. She knew that most likely if Shinji didn't return that she would die in this battle along with everyone else. All she could do was stare oblivion in the face and give it her all...

Shinji stood in an open field as tracer rounds from NERV's static defense emplacements soared over his head. In the distance he could see the hulk of Unit 02 still standing, missing both of its arms and its head. It was truly a sickening sight to behold and he looked down at his feet, clenching his fists. This was only happening because he was a coward, Asuka had lost and could be dead because he was a coward and had run away in a rash mental state. Rei would probably suffer a similar fate because of his stupid choice... and he couldn't go back on it. The consequences of his choice were already unfolding. What was done was done...

"Hey! Shinji!" a familiar voice called out to the right of him.

Shinji looked to his right and saw Kaji standing there with a watering can in his hand and a aloof smile on his face. That was right... the scruffy man had a field of watermelons in the geofront. He must have stumbled to it in his daze after leaving the shelter. "Oh, hey there, Kaji-san..." he replied. "What are you doing here?"

Kaji snickered. "That should be my line," he replied with a playful grin. "Shouldn't you be going out to fight the Angel right about now?"

Shinji looked down at his feet once again. "I quit piloting..." he muttered softly. "After what happened with Unit 03... I just couldn't do it anymore..."

"And what prompted this?" Kaji asked after a moment of pause, his voice losing only a little of the carefree, cavalier tone he so often took.

His frown intensified. "I just... I just couldn't stomach the thought that I might have to hurt someone again..." he murmured.

Kaji frowned. "From what I understand, you did what you did to save the life of Ayanami-san and to save your own life as well," he returned. "I know you must feel shame over it but that's no excuse to abandon your responsibilities and your comrades."

This upset him greatly and he clenched his fists, glaring at the scruffy man. He knew he was right but it still hurt... "What do you know about it!" Shinji hissed. "I didn't join NERV to hurt or kill people! What was I supposed to do!? It's not easy to just... keep going after something like that!"

Kaji's frown deepened and he looked over at the watermelons he was watering. "It isn't easy to keep going... but you have to, otherwise you'll never overcome it," he replied. "Count your blessings, Shinji, you're alive, and so is everyone else that saw battle that day. You should know by now that in order to keep living it takes sacrifices, often ones you never want to make. I know that very well... and it's something you'll need to accept if you want to keep living."

This confused him and the indignant anger he was feeling momentarily lifted. "What do you mean?" Shinji asked.

Kaji looked at him once again, his expression actually grave. It was honestly uncanny to see the usual cheerful man like this... For a moment his gaze drifted away to some faraway place before he spoke again. "The point I'm trying to make is there are times in your life where you have to weigh the things that matter, your own needs or the needs of others, your own happiness or theirs..." he replied. "You have to decide and live by your choice."

The guilt was eating him up now. Shinji looked back over at destroyed hulk that had once been Unit 02 and bowed his head, saying nothing in response. Kaji really had a point... his departure had been a mistake.

Kaji chuckled and that playful tone of his returned. "Well... back to question you asked about why I'm out here presently, considering everything that's been going on, I figured that it was a good time to water my melons," he replied.

This shook him from his stupor momentarily by just how out of left field the statement was. "At a time like this?" Shinji returned, utterly perplexed. Kaji really was a confusing person.

Kaji shrugged. "What better time?" he replied. "Being beside Misato right now isn't an option so with that barred this is the place I'd prefer to die should it come to it."

Those words made his heart fall into the pit of his stomach and made his brows knit up. The weight of the situation that NERV was in was fully setting in... "Die?" Shinji responded in a hushed tone.

Kaji nodded. "Yes," he replied, his grin once again souring. "You see, there is a being called Adam resting beneath our feet, deep beneath the halls of NERV. It's said that if an Angel ever comes into contact with it that it will trigger the Third Impact and humanity will be eradicated. The only thing that can stop this from happening is the equal of the Angels made by man, the Evangelion... and you are one of the few that have the power to wield it."

Shinji once again looked at his feet. It was bubbling over, the guilt he felt deep inside. He wanted to reverse his decision, to go back to NERV and fight but... his feet just wouldn't move. "I shouldn't have left..." he murmured. Somehow it was... easy, or easier to talk to Kaji about these kind of things. Maybe it was because they weren't all that close... "I know I shouldn't have left... but... everyone will hate me now... if I go back..."

There was a tremendous explosion in the distance as the Angel fired off another energy blast which lit up the sky and caused him to flinch. Kaji on the other hand remained calm as ever, continuing to water his melons as if nothing was wrong at all. "So you would choose your sense of pride over the lives of others?" he asked with a smirk. "That's a little selfish, don't you think?"

Shinji scowled, his anger rising once again. "How is my feeling ashamed of myself me being prideful?" he spat. "You're not making any sense..."

Kaji chuckled. "All shame comes from pride, Shinji," he returned. "The point is, this is a moment where you have a choice. Do you let your pride or shame dictate how you live or do you overcome them? Do you give in to your selfish desire to escape from pain and the reality you live in or do you accept the role you've been burdened with as the hero the world needs? In the end it's your choice how you choose to live."

Shinji's scowl abated and he closed his eyes, drawing a deep breath. "Still..." he muttered. "What's the point if everyone judges me for the mistakes I've made?"

Kaji laughed. "So what if they judge you? They're not you, who cares about their judgment if they don't understand you or why you've done certain things?" he countered. "If you seek validation from others all your life you'll never be happy. Besides, going back just because you want them to like you and accept you is just as selfish as quitting in the first place. The battle at hand is more important than that."

Shinji thought on those words for a moment. It really was a good point. If the fate of the world was at stake then whatever anyone thought of him wasn't important. If the world perished then it wouldn't matter if people didn't like him because there would be no one there to like him. If he could do his part, his duty as an Eva pilot to protect them, then maybe, just maybe he could make it up to them for leaving in the first place... "Yeah..." he murmured. "You're right, Kaji-san."

The sound of one of the Eva catapult lifts thundered nearby and Shinji looked up to see Unit 00 being lifted up. It was still missing an arm and a leg but it was holding a sniper rifle. Instantly upon being lifted up to the surface it fell to prone, concealing itself behind the line of tress. Shinji's eyes went wide and his heart began to pound with worry. How could she be going out to fight like that? "Rei!" he shouted.

"You care about that girl quite a bit, don't you?" Kaji mused beside him.

Shinji turned to him and nodded despite the blood rushing to his cheeks. It was embarrassing, being honest, but it was the right thing to do. "I do... She's... she's my best friend..." he returned, trailing off. It was too embarrassing to say anything more.

"If that's so then would you do anything you could to protect her even if she despised you for it?" the scruffy man replied.

It was a very difficult question to answer but even so Shinji found himself agreeing with the sentiment. He would do... anything to protect Rei, to protect that smile of hers... "I would..." he replied, confidence slowly but surely slipping into his voice.

"Then do that," Kaji replied with a smile. The way he said it, it was almost like he was issuing a challenge. "But don't do it just for her. Everyone has someone they want to protect. If I could fight to protect Misato I would but I'm powerless to help at all. All I can do is water these melons but you... you can do something. You have the power to defend us all. Even so, the decision to fight is ultimately yours. No one is forcing you. Think for yourself and make your decision and do what you must so you have no regrets."

Shinji closed his eyes and breathed deeply. As those words sank in it felt like a veil was lifting. For the first time in forever... it was like he was seeing clearly. He was a part of something greater than himself and he wasn't the only one suffering because of the Angels or the Evas. There was an old saying that applied to times like this, something about how sometimes one has to choose between what is easy and what is right...

Even if those he cared about couldn't forgive him for the things he'd done, for his cowardice, that wasn't as important as doing what he knew was right. He had to be there to fight for them because no one else could do it. He thought back to the promise he'd made to Rei after pulling her from the plug after Operation Yashima to stand by her and fight beside her, to help her attain the dreams for which she fought. He'd carried her hopes and dreams and he'd carried everyone else's as well, just like Misato had said. There was no way he could forgive himself if he didn't go back and fight... for Rei... for everyone. It didn't matter their praise or their contempt, he had to do what was right for himself and for the world...

Shinji opened his eyes and wasted no time in dashing toward the nearest entrance to NERV headquarters without another word to Kaji.

Rei gripped the rifle's pistol grip tightly in her Evas hand as the targeting systems displayed in her plug worked out a firing solution. The Angel didn't seem like it has seen her surface so that was a good thing but it was slowly floating closer to her position, hovering just above the ground, but not coming directly at her. It was coming closer yes but it was notching her position, heading for something off to her right, most likely the pyramid complex. The fear was gone now, replaced with pure determination to delay her enemy for as long as possible. Every second that the Angel drifted closer made her more and more determined and more angry. It was living and breathing evidence staring her in the face that she hadn't been able to change anything for the better...

As soon as the cross hairs all aligned and a good lock was attained she fired her rifle. The Angel's A.T. Field seemed to be down but the Angels armored skin absorbed the explosive shell like it was nothing. She grit her teeth and fired again and again if only to draw its attention away from the location of the hidden roof over the shaft leading down to Terminal Dogma.

After a half dozen shots the Angel halted it's advance and turned directly toward her. Her eyes widened as she noticed a glow building in the monster's eyes, or the eye sockets of it's skull like face. With great effort she rolled her Eva to the right as an energy blast decimated the position she'd just been laying in. The Angel had seen her and had targeted her... and she had no way to efficiently moving without an arm or a leg.

She fired off another round in the Angel's direction and desperately tried to lurch her Eva to crawl in the direction of the lake, hoping that the dip before the shoreline would offer some form of cover. Before she reached it though there was yet another blast right beside her, blowing a huge crater in the earth. Seeing no better option, she hurled her Eva into the hole that had been made next to her in an attempt to conceal herself. She braced the rifle against her Eva's shoulder and against the knee of her one usable leg and waited for it to show itself. If she could neutralize it's field at point blank range and fire again then maybe she would have a chance.

Then again, the last time she'd fought this monster she'd detonated an N2 bomb right up against it to no avail... thinking she had a real chance in her current state was ridiculous...

The seconds ticked by as she waited for the Angel to appear above her agonizingly slow. With every passing moment her heart beat faster as the climax to her losing battle loomed. Despite her efforts to remain calm she was deathly afraid. She didn't want things to end like this but what choice did she have? These next moments could very well be her last, permanently if the Angel destroyed headquarters and contacted Adam. Even if it didn't and it was somehow stopped and defeated, whether by Shinji's return or the Dummy System she had no guarantee that if she died she'd remember anything when the next Rei was activated...

She closed her eyes to fight back the tears of despair and clenched the control sticks tightly to prevent her body from shaking. Why couldn't she have made a difference? Why did everything she'd striven for have to come undone? She had no answer to either of those questions. It felt so unfair. All she could think of as the Angel drew closer was just how... inadequate she was, how much she loathed herself for not trying harder, for not doing more to prevent what was happening.

When Rei opened her eyes the Angel was looming above right above her. No. Not yet. She couldn't die yet. She had to keep fighting. She had to win, somehow! She had to live! She wanted to live! She didn't want to die yet! Not yet, not like this! She bared her teeth and a defiant snarl and a desperate cry she emptied the magazine of her rifle at it... and once again there was no effect at all.

The Angel lashed out with it's ribbon like arms. With one it sliced the rifle in two as if it were made of tin foil and the other wrapped tightly around her Eva's neck. Rei felt it squeezing tight, making it hard to breathe as the Angel lifted her Eva off of the ground. Instinctively, she shut her eyes and brought her own hand up to her neck, even though she knew it wouldn't do anything.

"Rei!" she heard Dr. Akagi's voice over the radio in her cockpit. "Get out of there! Eject!"

She opened her eyes just in time to see the Angel bringing back its other arm like a boxer cocking their fist back and knew instantly it was going to strike at her Eva's neck. It was going to decapitate her just like it had Asuka's Eva.

"Sever the nerve connections!" she heard Dr. Akagi shout but she'd already acted. Her fear had won her over. Rei pulled the ejection handle in the plug without even thinking about it.

The cockpit instantly went dark and her chin was forced into her chest by the force of the rockets at the base of the plug firing. She felt a tremendous tumbling sensation as she hurtled through the air before the parachute deployed which in and of itself caused her head to slam against her seat's headrest with considerable force. Seconds later, there was jolt as the plug hit the ground and then another when it fell on its side and came to rest.

Her body was sore and her vision was blurry but she crawled down to the bottom of the plug, kicking out the emergency escape hatch as soon as she reached it. Rei forced herself through the gap and stood immediately, whipping her head around in an attempt to get her bearings and ascertain the location of the Angel and her damaged Eva. It seemed like she was clear of both. Her plug had landed a good distance away from the decapitated husk of Unit 00 in the clearing near the geofront lake. She could see the Angel moving slowly through the air toward the NERV pyramid. She began to catch her breath, gasping for air as the panic left her. That was when reality came crashing down on her...

Her efforts this time around had done possibly even less than her actions in the previous timeline and now that she'd ejected she was stranded, alone in the geofront, cut off from any information about the battle from here on out. She had no way of knowing if they'd miraculously manage to get the Dummy Plug activated or if Shinji would return. What was worse... she'd given into her fear. She bit her lip as the angry, hopeless tears filled her eyes. No... the battle was hopeless and she hadn't even had the courage to fight until the end. She felt shame and despair. She loathed herself for not being able to do more. She loathed the cruel reality she'd smacked face first into the wall of.

Rei Ayanami hung her head and wept tears of anguish...

Ritsuko stood behind Maya's station, watching the data feed on her protege's screen with increasing horror and despair. Rei had been right. The Dummy System was being actively refused by Unit 01. Considering what she'd seen from Rei's memories and what Rei had expressed to her this was a completely hopeless situation. All anyone at NERV could do was hope for a miracle now...

It had been crushing to watch Rei deploy and attempt to fight the Angel in the pitiful state that her Eva had been in going into the battle. The way that the poor girl had practically begged to be allowed to fight had been gut wrenching. She must have known going into the fray that it wouldn't matter much I at all. She couldn't help but have a great deal of respect that even though she had to have known the hopelessness of the situation she'd gone in anyway. Part of her wondered though if her intention had been to die... as it was unless Shinji showed his face like he had in parallel world they were all going to die anyway. Perhaps Rei had deployed to try and die fighting. If so, she really felt for the girl. As things stood, she doubted Shinji would return to deliver them...

Suddenly there was a loud bang and the entirety of NERV headquarters shook so violently it nearly sent her to the floor. The alerts started coming in and her eyes went wide.

"Direct hit on the third foundation!" Lt. Aoba shouted.

"The final armor plate is melted!" Lt. Hyuga screamed frantically.

"Dammit!" Misato exclaimed. "It's open! The main shaft has been blasted completely open!"

She had to do something. There had to be something short of a miracle that could be done! After all, most miracles are wrought by the hands of man, by the power of science... "Is Unit 01 ready yet!" she barked.

"It's still refusing the Dummy Plug!" Lt. Hyuga cried. "No response detected!"

"Keep trying!" he snapped upon hearing Lt. Hyuga's statement over the intercom system. "Repeat the process from step 108!"

Gendo let go of the radio key on the console he stood before in a sky box overlooking Unit 01. He was trying not to show it but his worries and his desperation were growing, mixed with a piercing feeling of defeat. He stared down at Unit 01, at Yui, with a deep frown. Despite multiple attempts with the Dummy System she still rejected him... and he couldn't help but acknowledge that this rejection was, in part at least, his own doing.

It was his fault that his son was so traumatized by battle that he'd resigned from NERV. It was his fears and apprehension that had caused him to be too afraid to connect with his son enough to be able to console him and council him throughout the entire time he'd been a pilot. Perhaps Yui's rejection now was because Shinji had left. Perhaps the reason she was rejecting him now was because he'd been lax in duties as a parent toward their son. If that was the case then maybe he was right to fear the Yui wouldn't forgive him for his actions...

"Father!" a voice rang out.

Gendo immediately snapped his attention down to the deck that housed Unit 01. There stood his son, panting, with his head hung low and his hands on his knees. His mouth fell open slightly as he took in the sight. Though he'd expressed to his son that there would always be a place for him at NERV he'd never expected his son to return. This sight before him seemed almost like a manifestation of divine providence, if there was such a thing.

Shinji lifted his head to face him and Gendo almost recoiled upon seeing the look in the boys eyes. Though he stood quite far away the fire in the boy's eyes was unmistakable. He could see in that stony gaze his son issued him all the pain and burden that he carried, that he'd forced upon him, but it was mixed with something else that he couldn't quite place. "So you've returned?" Gendo inquired.

Shinji stood tall and nodded firmly. "You said that I would always have a place at NERV..." he replied slowly but firmly, his voice rising in passion with each word. "If so, then let me pilot Unit 01 once again!"

Gendo's eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he looked down at the boy. The determination in his voice was rather striking. He'd never seen such resolve from his son before. Perhaps something had spurred him to action? "Are you certain?" he asked, though the answer was quite obvious.

Shinji nodded. "I am!" he shouted up to him. "I was wrong to have left! I let everyone down by leaving! Please, father, let me make it right!"

Gendo let those words ring in his ears. Slowly and ever so slightly his lips began to curve upward. His son really had grown up since he'd first come to Tokyo 3... but it was also a bit sad. It was... strange, he felt guilty that he'd missed so much of it. The threads of guilt he'd suppressed for so long in regards to his abandonment of Shinji so long ago were turning into a noose...

He nodded and wiped the hint of a smile from his face, once again putting on that stoic and cold mask he was most comfortable wearing. "Then board immediately," he snapped. "Forget suiting up, we have no time to lose..."

The next explosion within headquarters was deafening and shook the command center so hard the displays began cutting out. Misato's heart was racing. Asuka had been defeated and Rei's efforts had come to nothing. The situation looked hopeless. It seemed like the enemy that she'd dedicated her life to fighting was about to overwhelm her and everything that humanity had to throw against it...

"We've been breached!" Lt. Aoba shouted with palpable fear in his voice. "The target is inside the main shaft and advancing fast!"

She whipped her head around to look at Hyuga. "Where's it heading!?" she cried.

"It's advancing directly toward Central Dogma!" the bespectacled lieutenant screamed.

This was not good. She could almost sense the end approaching... "It's coming here!" Misato cried, unable to keep herself from sounding panicked. If something didn't happen to alter the course of things then they were done for... "All personnel evacuate!"

"All personnel evacuate!" Hyuga screamed into the radio, his voice reverberating over the overhead intercom. "Repeat! All personnel evacuate!"

Mere seconds after Hyuga made that announcement the central display at the far end of the bridge went dark along with most of the lights in the command center. Then the central display at the end of the room shattered and the wall behind it blew inwards. Her eyes went wide the wall completely collapsed and the Angel itself spilled into the room.

She was face to face with it, staring directly into its face, taking in the sight of those empty sockets where eyes should have been and that mouth that looked as if it were frozen in a silent, anguished scream. Everyone around her was recoiling from it but she stood her ground, fighting the urge to run with clenched teeth, holding onto the cross her father had given her before he died... No... running wouldn't make a difference. Unless some sort of miracle happened everyone in the command center was done for...

But if that miracle didn't happen she would meet death with courage. In the face of the enemy she'd wasted so much of her life dedicated to revenge against she wouldn't run.

Light began to flicker in Angel's vacant black holes for eyes, growing in seconds to a piercing yellow glow and every single muscle in her body wanted to run or duck or... do something to get away. She knew what that glow meant. It was going to fire an energy blast at point black range and kill them all. She closed her eyes. This was truly the end...

There was a tremendous crash and she flinched at the sound. Her eyes snapped open in time to see the right hand wall of the command center shattering. As the wall came tumbling down, a giant purple fist came thrusting through the breach, impacting the side Angel's face, stunning it.

"Unit 01!?" she exclaimed. Truly, Misato couldn't believe what she was seeing. Had the commander managed to get the Dummy System activated? No... no, Commander Ikari would have notified them, if so then that could only mean...

"Shinji!"

Shinji felt fire in his heart as he grappled with the Angel with all of his strength. His soul was burning with resolve and righteous fury. On his way into NERV after his talk with Kaji he'd seen the beheaded husk of Unit 00 and it had set his blood alight. It was already hard enough thinking that Asuka might have been hurt but to think that Rei might have as well filled him with rage. He snarled in fury as he dug Unit 01's fingers into the Angel's flesh. He was fighting not just for himself but for Rei and for Asuka as well, for Misato and Kaji, for Ritsuko and the bridge crew, for Touji and Kensuke and Horaki, for his father... for everyone, everyone he cared about. He was fighting for his home and all of those people that made Tokyo 3 his home... and now he was going to tear this monster apart, just like it had done to Unit's 00 and 02.

He wrenched the Angel out of the command center through the opposite wall from the one he'd blasted his way in from. He realized instantly that he and the Angel were now inside one of the Eva launching ports and a singular goal filled his mind; getting himself and the Angel back to the surface so he wouldn't risk hurting anyone in the process of tearing his enemy to shreds.

The Angel thrashed in his grasp and he cocked his Evas fist back to strike it but a beam of light shot out of his target's face, blasting Unit 01's left arm off just above the elbow. The pain might have overwhelmed him if he wasn't so furious. He screamed in anger and kicked the Angel toward one of the catapults before grappling with it once more. With his one good arm he pinned it against the track. "Misato-san!" he screamed. "Fire it! Now!"

"Launching the fifth catapult!" he heard her shout on the other end.

The feeling of acceleration was overwhelming. As the catapult sent them rocketing upwards he snarled through his teeth a cry of anguish and rage, shoving the Angel's face hard against the wall of the shaft they were hurling through. "You hurt Asuka!" he shouted, the words spilling out. "You hurt Rei! You tried to kill Misato! You tried to kill father! You tried to destroy my home! I'll kill you, you fucking bastard!"

Within seconds the shaft ended, sending Unit 01 and the Angel with it shooting into the air in the middle of the geofront. Shinji tightened his grip on his enemy and his vision turned red. Now he didn't have to hold back. He was going to rip and tear and kill this monster!

Unit 01 and the Angel came crashing to the ground. Though the excruciating pain in his left arm made it difficult, he wrestled with the control sticks and maintained his grip on the Angel until they came to rest. As soon as they did he released his grip and brought his fist up like a hammer, slamming it down into the Angel's face over and over again.

It seemed like it was having no effect and so he grabbed at that ugly, skull like face once more. He sank his Evas fingers into those horrid, empty eye sockets and pulled as hard as he could. He could hear the flesh ripping and tearing. He could feel his enemy's face giving under his efforts. He was going to rip this monster apart and bathe in its blood. It had hurt Rei. It had hurt Asuka. He wasn't going to let it hurt anyone else! "Die!" he roared. "Die! Die! Just fucking die!"

But before he could tear the Angel's face from its body the alarm signaling his battery expiring sounded in his cockpit...

"Unit 01 is completely drained of reserves!" Lt. Ibuki shouted. "The backup power supply isn't working!"

Misato's heart thumped in her chest. This couldn't be happening. Shinji had chosen to come back and fight only for his Eva's power to run out at the last moment? It was like the universe itself was conspiring against mankind... "Shinji..." she murmured.

"How did it come to this?" Ritsuko uttered from where she stood beside her.

Misato grit her teeth. Her ward, the... surrogate son she'd taken in was going to be killed by the Angel and there was nothing she could do. All she could do was be there to witness the end. Even if he never understood that, even if he could never know, it was still something. It was better than letting him die all alone... even if he didn't know it. "Everyone topside!" she barked.

With his battery depleted, Shinji was powerless to stop the Angel from wrapping it's ribbing like arm around his Eva's head. The Angel whipped his Eva around and slammed it into the NERV pyramid on its back. He winced at the impact, both from the connected nerve circuits and from the fact that he'd actually physically been thrown about. This shouldn't be happening. How could it be that he'd come back to NERV just to be defeated so soundly?

"Get up!" he shouted, desperately tugging at the control sticks in his plug. He couldn't accept it. If he lost now then everyone he cared about would die... "Come on, move! Move! Move! Get up and move you stupid piece of shit! Move! Move now or there's no point in any of this. Mo-ah!"

He gasped as he felt a pain in the center of his chest. The Angel must have stuck Unit 01 in the chest and he was feeling the neural feedback even though his unit had been powered down.

Misato and everyone else belonging to the essential central command staff had gotten to the surface just in time to see the Angel strike Unit 01 in the chest with it's ribbon-like arm. A great jet of red fluid that looked like blood exploded out the the Eva but before she could process the sight the Angel unleashed an energy blast directly against Unit 01's chest.

She covered her face to shield her eyes from the light and wind with her one good arm as the blast washed over her. As soon as the heat and wind dissipated immediately took sight of Unit 01, her heart pounding with worry. The armor covering the Evas chest was gone now, exposing a large red orb similar to an Angel core. "What's that?" she wondered aloud.

The angel began to strike the red sphere over and over again with its arms. "It's going to happen..." she heard Ritsuko murmur. "It's going to happen..."

Misato turned to face her friend "What's going to happen?" she asked.

Ritsuko looked at her with nervous expression before turning her gaze back to the Angel battering Unit 01. "You'll see..." she murmured softly.

Somehow those words did nothing to instill a sense of hope...

Shinji could feel the plug shaking every time the Angel struck another blow. His visual displays were dim now. He had no way of seeing what was going on but with every strike he could see cracks forming in the displays as if the plug itself was buckling under the assault. All the while he desperately tugged at the control sticks. "Move!" he shouted desperately. "You have to move now!"

He couldn't accept that things would end like this. He couldn't accept that he'd overcome his fears and worries to come back and fight just to be defeated. He'd come back to save all the people he cared about and he'd failed to do that. All his pent up frustration and sadness, the anger and guilt he'd stored up began pouring out.

"Dammit!" he shouted. "Get up! Please! Get up!"

He hadn't been able to save Touji...

"Get up!" he roared as another blow shook his Eva.

He hadn't been able to save Rei...

"Please, get up!" he cried.

He hadn't been able to save or help anyone...

"Move!" he howled in despair. "I'm sick of this! I'm sick of people being hurt! Move!"

But no matter what he wouldn't run. If he pulled the lever and ejected then he would die a coward and he was done being a coward. He would keep on trying to fight until the very end. He would keep on fighting with every fiber of his being, until all his bones were broken, until he'd shed his last drop of blood.

"If you don't get up then everyone will be killed!" he screamed on the brink of tears. "Come on! Just move! Just move you big stupid monster!"

The lights went completely out inside the plug and he was plunged into pitch black silence. Then... then he began to hear something. It was very faint... but... It sounded like... A heartbeat.

A heartbeat other than his own...

Unit 01's eyes came to life once again, emitting an eerie white glow. Ritsuko watched with a perverse mix of fascination, relief, and horror as it lifted its arm up and intercepted the Angel's arm, shredding it between its fingers. It then tightened its fist and pulled the Angel close, impaling its eye upon its horned helmet before kicking it away with great force, ripping off its arm in the process.

"It's... reactivated..." Maya spoke in a hushed tone.

Unit 01 stood tall, still holding the Angel's severed arm in its hand. Ritsuko watched as Unit 01 pressed the Angel's severed arm against the stump of it's own severed limb. With a disgusting bubbling sound, the Angel's flesh began to merge with the flesh of the Eva's and in seconds Unit 01 had fully regenerated its missing appendage.

"Dear God..." Misato murmured beside her.

"This is impossible!" Maya stated as she looked at the screen of the laptop she'd brought with her to the surface. "It must be wrong! How can Shinji's synchronization ratio with Unit 01 be over four hundred percent!"

"It's happening..." Ritsuko murmured, low enough that no one could hear her. It was just like Rei had told her had happened in the parallel world. "It's happening again... It's aware..."

The Angel lashed out with its one remaining arm. Unit 01 countered it with a simple wave of its hand, projecting its A.T. Field like a weapon, cutting the Angel to ribbons. The Angel fell back on the ground with a humongous crash and Unit 01 hunched like a wild animal, panting, snarling.

The armor of its helmet covering its mouth split open as it opened its jaws and it charged forward on all fours like some kind of demon toward the downed Angel. Within seconds it had fallen upon it. The Angel tried to muster an energy blast from its eyes but Unit 01 smashed its head back in its hard. The Eva's gaping mouth was producing huge strands of drool and with a great howl it thrust its head down at the Angel's core, biting... tearing... devouring...

"It's... eating it..." Misato whispered in shock and horror. "It's eating the Angel..."

"Yes..." Ritsuko replied, equally horrified. "She's consuming the S2 organ and taking it into herself..."

Moments passed as they watched Unit 01 consume its prey. When it had consumed its fill it stood tall raised its monstrous face to the sky and let out yet another bloodcurdling howl. It flexed its muscles beneath its armor and one by one the plates of purple painted steel began to pop off of its body. "It's breaking free!" Ritsuko shouted.

"Breaking free of what!?" Lt. Hyuga exclaimed.

"Yeah, Ritsuko, what are you talking about!?" Misato added.

Ritsuko bit her lip. This was overwhelming. Everything had happened just like it had in the parallel world, even this... She forced herself to focus on the moment and keep her mind off of the thoughts regarding how it seemed hopeless to change things going forward, to redirect the course of the future... "Those plates weren't just armor..." she replied. "They were restraints so we could control the beast known as Eva but now it's wrenched itself free of our control. The God born of man is free at last!"

Kaji watched the scene unfolding with the hint of a smirk. It seemed like his pep talk with Shinji had no small amount of unintended consequences.

He'd gotten very close to opening up with the boy about his past, about his brother, and how he'd caused his death along with all of his childhood friends but thankfully he'd managed to keep that under wraps. Shinji had been moved to action without him needing to mention it. Still, his moonlighting for the Japanese government might soon be exposed... but it didn't matter now. He was so very close to the truth, and seeing Unit 01 going completely berserk was proof that the theories he had been developing had serious credence.

He couldn't help but wonder what the fallout from this incident would be. He found himself wondering what the government, NERV, and SEELE would do about it. No matter what they did this moment was a turning point that none of the major players could ignore...

"Unit 01's been awakened and set free..." he mused to himself. "SEELE certainly won't stay quiet for this. Was this part of your plan, Commander Ikari?"

Rei stood in the clearing near where her plug had landed after her ejection watching the berserk Unit 01 as it continued to howl at the sky. She felt such relief that Shinji had returned but seeing this event come to pass once again also filled her with sadness...

She was relieved, grateful even that Shinji had presumably returned and piloted Unit 01 but it also filled her with an acute sadness knowing what would happen next. He would be trapped inside the Eva once again, just like before... and that would mean she'd be alone again.

What guarantee did she have that he would return from the core this time? What reason did he have to do so considering how much guilt he must have felt regarding Touji's injuries this time around? If he didn't... then she would be truly lost. The thought that he might potentially choose to stay within the core churned her stomach and made her heart feel heavy. It made her feel like she was made of straw and she didn't want to feel like that. After how she'd felt the first time when he'd been gone she didn't want to feel like that ever again. She didn't want to lose him.

She didn't want to be alone again...

"Come back..." she murmured to herself. "Please... come back from this Shinji..."

Come back to me...

Gendo stood in his office, his skin and his clothes still caked in the blood of Unit 01 from when it had lost its arm in the battle. He'd stood in the launching bays while Unit 01 grappled with the Angel and when the Angel's energy blast had severed Unit 01's arm, nearly getting himself crushed by the severed limb. He counted himself lucky that he'd only been splattered with blood but he'd still felt powerless and guilty, guilty that once again he'd had to place the burden of the world on his son's shoulders. It was that immense guilt along with the anticipation of the Angel's defeat and the potential for his goals being realized that that had propelled him to go from the launching bays back to his office to watch the remainder of the fight.

He should have been feeling nothing but glee at the sight he was witnessing from his perch within the NERV pyramid but he wasn't... It was true that Yui had awakened and set Unit 01 free of its restraints like he'd desired to occur but... all he could think about was what she would think of his actions and the pain he'd caused Shinji in the process... The more he thought about the anger she surely felt the more it wore on him, the things he'd done...

"Alas..." Fuyutsuki mused. "The key to all of your plans has been attained..."

Gendo frowned. "Yes..." he replied softly, swallowing the lump in his throat, his eyes remaining fixed on the sight of Unit 01, of Yui howling at the sky. "But why does it feel so... bittersweet?"

Darkness... that was the word for what was around him. It was dark, devoid of light. He was flying... no... floating? Where was he? Why did this place seen so familiar? It didn't matter. He was in a void absent of light.

He focused on his consciousness. Yes... he was conscious. There was being. He existed. He could feel his mind attached to a form, a form with four appendages attached to a trunk of some kind. This was called a body... but how did he know those words? What were words? Why did this all seem so familiar.

He closed his eyes. Eyes... the things used to see, but there was nothing to see, so how was closing them? Why did it matter if he closed them when there was nothing there for him to see? Even so... closing them helped him focus.

There were... visions. In his consciousness there were visions, images of skies and trees and people. Was that what those entities were called? Somehow he recognized faces of people, things with appendages and faces. That was what people were... but they more than that. They were vessels, containers of souls and will that could feel just like he could. But who were they?

Names filled his mind. Ayanami... Soryu... Ikari... why did he know these terms, these words? Why? It didn't make any sense. He couldn't remember why he knew these things but they... felt real. It was like remembering a dream or a memory of a dream.

Except... until moments ago... there had been nothing. His consciousness hadn't existed, that so much he was certain of. This was the first time he was awakening so why? Why did he know these names? Why did he have a conceptual vision of faces attached to these names?

There was a sudden flooding of light and he winced through his closed eyes as his vision turned red. After a moment to adjust he opened his eyes. He was floating in some kind of glass cylinder filled with some kind of breathable fluid. Everything was orange. Was that the name for the color he was experiencing? He looked downward and took stock of his body. This was his body... he was nude, muscular, humanoid, male... why did he have a concept of such things? Why did this all seem so familiar?

Suddenly the fluid in the chamber he was contained within began to drain. He took a deep breath of the fluid as it drained. What if whatever replaced the fluid couldn't be breathed? What if the fluid was all that could be breathed?

No... no... there was air outside of this tank. He knew that. Why did he know that? Why did he know things if this was the first moment of his existence, of his consciousness?

The fluid reached the bottom of the tube he was in and then the tube snapped open. He fell to his knees outside of the chamber he'd originated in. He coughed up the fluid in his lungs... lungs... the things humans use to breathe. He gasped at the air and drew breath. This was breathing... why was it so familiar?

He took stock of the black space he was in, illuminated only by the dim yellow light above where the transparent chamber he'd been in moments ago. It seemed like there was nothing else except that light and an endless black void around him. It was strange... this all seemed so familiar. He'd been in this room before. He'd seen all of this before. He'd... done this same thing before.

Then a sound filled his ears...

It sounded like footsteps. Why did he knew what footsteps sounded like if he'd never heard them before? Still... that was what he knew the sound was. It was the sound of heavy shoes clacking on tile. Tile... the material the surface he was heaving and gasping on was made of. Why did he know all these terms? Why did all of this seem so familiar.

A figure came into view, the light coming from above his position casting a start contract upon the visage of this person. He raised his head and looked at the person before him. It was a man... a male human... standing before him. This person was short, wearing some kind of green jacket, a silver and red visor covering his eyes... Somehow he knew this person's name. Keel Lorenz... that was what this man was called.

The man before him extended a hand toward him with an open palm, gesturing upwards slightly. "Rise, Tabris..." Keel commanded.

He did as he was commanded, lifting himself shakily up on his feet, letting these things he knew were called feet support his weight. That name, Tabris... it was so familiar. It was what he was once called... but somehow he remembered another name along with that. The visions, the feelings, the images from what might have been a long forgotten dream began to flood back to him...

Except it wasn't a dream... it was real...

His name was Kaworu Nagisa... and he remembered... everything.

Author's Notes

Greetings all! I hope that you're all still enjoying my little story. I do apologize that this chapter has taken quite a bit of time to complete but my obligations at work and in my music group have been taking a toll on me, not to mention the necessary length of the chapter being a factor.

I hope that this one pleases and gives light on the trajectory of the story going forward. Shinji is certainly changing, Ritsuko has certainly been developing, Asuka's angst is growing, Rei's depression is mounting, and Gendo... Gendo is certainly undergoing some serious development. Thus the Action Arc comes to a close... and what lies ahead looks bleak...

I will admit that this one took a bit of a toll on me mentally but I still had a blast putting it together. Gendo, Rei, and Shinji's scenes were a total blast to write. However, I will apologize once again for how long this one took to complete. I also apologize for the bomb I'm about to drop on you all...

I'll be going on a hiatus from posting after this chapter...

The reason for this is twofold. One, I would like to take the pressure off of myself for a short while and two, I would like to complete chapters 35 and 36 before resuming my usual posting schedule of roughly two or so weeks. The hiatus I am taking does NOT mean that I will be halting my progress in the slightest! It simply means that I won't be posting until I've caught up with where I want to be in the narrative and assessed certain issues in my personal life. I will NOT be abandoning this story EVER. I want to make this perfectly clear. This project of passion has been and continues to be one of the most rewarding things I've ever done in my entire life... and I owe it all to you beautiful folks on this site.

Please read and review! See you soon!

Regards,

A.F.