The Girl Who Shouted I At The Heart Of The World Chapter 46: Borderline Case, an evangelion fanfic

Chapter 46 – Borderline Case

The conversation that had transpired between himself and Fujita over the past half hour or so had left Shikishima in a state of utter shock. He couldn't believe it. He simply couldn't fathom that there were people in the world as depraved and sinister as these SEELE people that the DIH agent had given him a rough bio of. To think that Second Impact was engineered by human hands, by some shadowy organization pulling the strings of the world's governments... it was terrifying to think about. If he wasn't already an instrument to enact or clean up the shady dealings of his own government, he would never have believed the spy's words. In addition to this, there was an element to the long winded ramble he'd eventually pried out of the younger man that spoke to the old adage that truth was stranger than fiction. The story was simply too outlandish to not be true, and further proof of its legitimacy was fact that Fujita seemed very shaken up even relaying the information... "This is quite a revelation..." he uttered softly.

"That's the understatement of the year," Fujita replied, running a hand through his hair. "And all things considered, we could have only a few weeks until this all comes to a head at best..."

Shikishima's frown deepened. "My only question is why you haven't pushed this up the chain on your end," he returned. "Instead, you came to me. Do you really think my input will have any sway?"

Fujita sighed. "I've already sent it up to my superiors, but the both of us know how slow and inefficient the various intelligence agencies can be, the DIH being no exception," he replied. "Hell, we both know how long it took for the police to take down those Aum Shinrikyo bastards in the 90's, and this is of far, far greater scope..."

Shikishima nodded, knowing exactly what Fujita was getting at. "I see..." he muttered. As real as this all sounded, he still had some suspicions. Spies were some of the lowest forms of life on earth, and as much as he liked Fujita, he had to be sure he was being truthful before he'd make a move... "I suppose my word might have some sway with the brass, but you should go through your channels as well... but how do I know this isn't some kind of ruse on your part?"

Fujita looked gobsmacked. "Do you think I'd make this kind of shit up?" he scoffed. "I've basically been your personal spy for years, Colonel, despite how inconvenient that's been at times..."

"And I was the one that got you out of that biker gang life you were leading ten years ago, so I think we're even," Shikishima countered. "How can I be certain this information is truthful?"

"That's why I want for you and Kaji to meet in person, as difficult as that might be," Fujita replied. "All of this will mean a lot more coming from him. He was far more embedded in this shit than I ever was..."

Shikishima nodded. That made sense. It would would allow all parties to trust one another, but it would also seal their fates should this SEELE organization get wind of what they were doing... "I suppose this could be accomplished," Shikishima returned. "Would you be able to escort Kaji onto this installation discreetly?"

Fujita shook his head. "That won't be possible," he replied. "You see... even that might expose him too much. Officially Kaji is a dead man."

Shikishima cocked an eyebrow at that statement. "A dead man?" he inquired, hoping Fujita would clarify.

"Exactly what I said," Fujita responded. "I'll let him fill you in on the details but all the official records say he was killed by NERV security for some kind of breach. If the commander of NERV himself hadn't helped him escape then we wouldn't be sitting here right now."

Shikishima's eyes widened. Of all the unexpected twists so far, this one took the cake. "The commander of NERV helped leak this information?" he asked, shocked.

Fujita nodded. "You heard me correctly," he stated. "Commander Ikari helped in creating this leak."

Shikishima sat back in his chair and folded his arms. "So when can we set up a meeting with Kaji?" he inquired. "And do you have any suggestions for a location?"

"I can arrange something for two days from now. That should give me enough time to get things moving with my superiors and to make duplicates of the documents," Fujita replied. "Though, you might not like the location..."

Shikishima sighed. He supposed that the location was far less important than the meeting itself. "I can stomach whatever you decide on," he replied.

"Good. Just make sure to wear civilian clothes. If we're to meet in public it wouldn't be good for you to show up looking like... that," Fujita replied, gesturing toward his uniform.

Shikishima scowled. "For your information, I do own a suit or two," he stated.

Fujita snickered. "Somehow I can't picture that," he replied.

Shikishima shook his head and sighed. Fujita was such a tiresome man... "Why do I put up with you?" he grumbled.

"Because I'm good at what I do," he returned. "And I'm giving you something that, should it all work out, might help to elevate your career. I can imagine that you won't want to stay in special forces forever. I can picture an idealist like you might want to get into politics one day..."

As loathsome as the spy could be, he did have a point...

Ritsuko stood in the control room overseeing the tests taking place. So far things weren't going well. Well... things were going well enough for Rei and Shinji, but not for Asuka. The readings on the screen in front of her told her everything that she needed to know and it wasn't good in the slightest...

"Synchro-graph minus twelve point eight," Maya stated softly. "It's barely over the starting indicator..."

Ritsuko bit her lip. "That's even worse than yesterday," she uttered, concerned. "What is going on with that girl?"

"Asuka's not feeling well," Misato interjected roughly. "She's on her period..."

Ritsuko knew what Misato was trying to say, but it didn't hold any type of water in regards to the software that allowed a pilot to synchronize. "Sync ratios aren't effected by physiological changes," she replied. "The problem is deeper, something subconscious. Has she mentioned that anything was bothering her lately?"

Misato folded her arms and scowled. "We don't talk all that much..." she muttered. "But she has been increasingly irritable, ever since her fight with the last Angel..."

That seemed to correlate with things that Rei had mentioned in the conversations they'd had in recent days when Asuka had come up. "I see... her pride must have been quite damaged by that incident..." she muttered.

"I suppose so..." Misato grumbled. "I wish I there was something I could do for her, but I know that realistically that's not in my control..."

Ritsuko frowned. Her estranged friend had a point. If it was a matter of wounded pride, like it was in the reality Rei's consciousness originally inhabited, then there wasn't much that could be done. Asuka would continue to lose her ability to pilot until such a time when she succeeded in combat, which ironically would be made more difficult to accomplish due to her falling sync ratios, which was caused by her perceived failures. Asuka's situation was in many was a perfect example of negative feedback loop... "Then I guess we can only hope that her condition doesn't continue to deteriorate," she replied softly. "Otherwise we'll have to consider alternatives..."

"Alternatives?" Misato inquired.

Ritsuko's frown deepened. "Finding a replacement pilot..." she replied.

A tense silence hung in the room as the seconds continued to tick by. "Let's hope she can put it together before that happens," Misato returned after a good while. "We can't give up on her yet..."

Ritsuko bit the inside of her lip. If only Misato could have known what was in store for them if they did have to replace Asuka. Heavens she could use a cigarette just thinking about it. Unfortunately, she'd left her smokes back in her office, so she couldn't light up, something that was making her even more antsy. At least the test had collected enough data that they could wrap it up now... "No we can't..." she returned quietly before reaching over and keying the radio to speak to the pilots. "Alright everyone, we're done now..."

"Yes Ma'am," came Rei and Shinji's response over the com in near unison.

"Whatever..." Asuka grumbled half a second later.

Silence fell in the room once again. "So... what do think we should do?" Misato asked.

"Yeah, what's your call on this, senpai?" Maya added.

Ritsuko sighed and folded her arms. "I suppose we could try another test tomorrow..." she grumbled. She knew it wasn't going to help, but it would at least show that she was trying to do something about the matter, even if it would only delay the inevitable...

Asuka was already gone from the locker room by the time Rei had even gotten there. The only reason for this would have been if she skipped showering. Rei couldn't fathom doing such a thing, the blood-like smell of LCL nearly overpowered her every time she disembarked from her entry plug. Even as she scrubbed herself down in the locker room shower, all she could think about was the kind of mental state that her friend was in presently...

The debriefing had gone poorly. Ritsuko had stated the test results and Asuka's were even lower than the previous day's. The faux blonde had even dared to ask Asuka what was troubling her and she'd affirmed that nothing was the matter, though her clenched fists and the venomous look on her face expressed otherwise. Rei knew that her falling scores had a lot to do with her increasingly depressive mindset. She'd wanted to say something to her, to ask her if there was anything she could do or say that would help her, but the debrief hadn't been the place to do so. She'd hoped that she'd be able to talk to her in the locker room but alas that was not to be.

Rei turned off the faucet and stepped out of the shower stall, grabbing her towel and drying herself off. Maybe she'd be able to catch Asuka before heading home. That would be the best case scenario. With the looming threat of the next Angel, most likely the one that fully broke Asuka's mind looming, she had to try and break her free of her depressive spiral...

Once dressed, she left the locker room and headed towards the elevator but before she reached it she heard something. Emanating from the women's bathroom in the hallway she could hear cursing with a slight German accent. There wasn't any doubt in her mind, it had to be Asuka having some sort of breakdown, and she had to intervene. Rei pushed open the bathroom door and stepped inside.

She caught sight of Asuka, doubled over by the sink at the far end of the bathroom, her hand on her abdomen. "Why do I have to suffer through this just because I'm a girl?" she moaned. "It's not like I want to have children anyway!"

She was very clearly in some kind of pain. "Asuka, are you alright?" Rei asked, calling to her from the doorway.

"I'll be fine," she huffed in response, glancing at her with a scowl. "I'm just on the rag. It's nothing I can't handle... but I still hate it. Why do us girls have to suffer, y'know?"

Rei stiffened at Asuka's statement. She'd read that menstrual cramps were an unpleasant experience but she'd never had a cycle. Perhaps that was part of the reason she wasn't able to focus on synchronizing Perhaps she could ask Ritsuko about that. Regardless, the things she'd heard Asuka say just now, including her statement about children, made her self conscious about herself and her own body. The fact that she couldn't have children even if she wanted to was something she was still trying to come to terms with... "I don't know..." she replied softly. "It's just... reality."

Asuka snarled and began washing her hands in the sink. "Well reality sucks..." she grumbled.

Rei sympathized with that comment. None of the situation she or anyone else at NERV were in was anything close to optimal. "It can..." she murmured in reply, stepping full into the lavatory.

Asuka finished with the sink and began to dry her hands with paper towels. "Well, see you later," she said as she headed toward the door, passing her. "I'm heading off."

Without thinking about it, Rei turned around, her gaze following her redheaded friend. "Asuka," she called out.

Asuka stopped in the doorway and looked back over her shoulder with a frown. "What?" she huffed.

Rei didn't know what to say. All she knew was that things between herself and Asuka were becoming increasingly strained. She didn't like seeing her friend collapse into her shell and she knew it would only get worse. It seemed like her friendship with Kaworu wasn't even helping anymore, but then again, she tried her best to avoid being around the two of them together... "Would you... like to play video games together today?" she asked after a moment, remembering that both of them had enjoyed doing that.

Asuka bowed her head. "That sounds nice, but I'm not in the mood to hang out..." she returned softly. "Thanks for asking though..."

Rei watched as the redhead left the bathroom. She breathed a heavy sigh as soon as the door shut, leaving her alone. All she could do was hope that things would somehow work out and that the future could still be salvaged. The time to make a change, any kind of change, was closing in fast. So long as she had Asuka and Shinji she could hold on to the hope that there could be some kind of change, but with the issues that her connections to both of them posed, she got the sense that things were speeding toward a breaking point. The fear and anxiety toward the future was completely overwhelming...

She needed to talk to Ritsuko and see what she had to say. She always had good advice for her, and she was the only person who knew the whole picture in which she could truly confide.

Ritsuko took a long drag off her cigarette and rested her chin on her palm as she looked over the data from the last few synchronization tests in her office, specifically the trend in Asuka's scores. It certainly wasn't good. In the last few days her scores had fallen on average five points per test, which meant that if this continued, she wouldn't even be able to pilot within a week. If that was the case then the future certainly looked bleak, even if Gendo had really abandoned the plans he'd spent years crafting.

She shook her head. All of this was going so similarly to how things had gone in Rei's memory files and the worst part of it was she had no clue how to reverse the trend. Her expertise was in numbers and data, not people. Identifying the source of Asuka's problems was not something she was cut out for, let alone rectifying them. It wasn't like she could just sit down and talk with her the way she did with Rei. She could only imagine how Asuka would react if she tried...

She heard a knock at her door and with a sigh she stood up to answer it. She opened the door to find Rei standing in the hall, looking rather somber and fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. "Do you have a moment to talk?" the blue haired girl asked timidly.

Ritsuko gestured her inside with a small smile. She'd really come to enjoy her conversations with the First Child. Maybe the two of them could think of a plan together about how to go forward. "I suppose I can make time," she replied.

Rei stepped inside the office, set up the folding chair she normally sat in, and sat down, looking down at her knees. "Asuka keeps slipping..." she murmured softly.

Ritsuko moved back to her swivel chair and sat down as well. It seemed like the two of them were very much on the same page about things. Then again, they both knew what was at stake more than anyone else in the world... "That certainly seems to be the case," she replied with a sigh. "Any ideas on what we can do about that?"

Rei shook her head, her eyebrows scrunching up. "No," he returned softly. "That was part of why I came here..."

Ritsuko frowned. She really looked troubled. "Part of the reason?" she inquired.

Rei nodded and fidgeted with the hem of her skirt. "I spoke to Asuka after the test and she mentioned she was... experiencing her menstrual cycle," she replied barely above a whisper. "I was wondering if that had some kind of effect of her piloting ability..."

As much as she might have been trying to hide it consciously or unconsciously, Ritsuko could tell that whatever had happened between the two of them had caused Rei some kind of insecurity. Probably Asuka revealing that had made Rei insecure regarding her own infertility. However, unless Rei decided to speak on it, she wouldn't press the topic. It was far less important than the numerous other matters the two of them had to grapple with. "Unfortunately that wouldn't have an effect on her scores," she returned quietly. "Though it would be nice if it was that simple."

"Indeed..." Rei replied. "I assumed that was the case, but it doesn't hurt to ask..."

There was a tension that hung in the air, like Rei had more to say but was unsure of how to say it. It seemed to Ritsuko that one way or another she'd have to pry whatever it was out of her in order for the conversation to continue, let alone be productive. "Something is bothering you, something other than Asuka's scores falling," she stated flatly, folding her arms. "What's wrong, Rei?"

Rei fidgeted in the chair and looked down at her knees once again. "It's all so... overwhelming," she replied softly.

Ritsuko could sympathize with that statement bit wasn't an answer that identified a specific problem that she could help devise a solution to. "I can understand the feeling, I myself feel a bit overwhelmed," she returned. "But what specifically do you refer to? Anything one thing that stands out to you?"

Rei was silent for a moment before lifting her head and meeting her gaze with a somber expression. "I don't like seeing the people I care about slipping away," she replied, sounding as if she were about to choke up at points. "I feel like our friendship is falling apart and I don't know what to do. It seems like there's nothing I can do to help her or change the future. It all seems so hopeless..."

Ritsuko frowned. This wasn't true, or at least, she hoped it wasn't true. She really didn't like seeing Rei like this... "Commander Ikari no longer wishes to carry out his version of Human Instrumentality," she replied. "The situation is far from hopeless."

Rei bowed her head once again. "I know that realistically you are correct, but it doesn't feel that way..." she replied.

That was another statement that Ritsuko could agree on. Even though it was foolish to lose hope, it deed feel like they were in an increasingly hopeless situation. Maybe she would talk to Gendo about what his plans were... if she could muster the courage to do so. Gendo even on his best day didn't like to reveal his hand and if the conversation went well then she might not be able to prevent herself from letting him know how she felt for him. Considering how he was, she didn't want to risk that rejection...

It was better to just sit tight, do nothing, and wait...

Asuka had lied when she told Rei that she wasn't in the mood to hang out, part of her genuinely had wanted to. It had been seriously tempting, the idea that they might be able to salvage some kind of normalcy between one another was a pleasant thought, but she was too cynical for that. Her pride wouldn't allow it. On top of that, there was thought that she was simply offering to spend time with her because she was having a rough time, out of consolation, rather than genuine camaraderie. That notion sickened her more than anything. If she was going to spend time with someone, it would be because that person wanted them around, not out of pity on either party's end.

After leaving NERV she'd drifted around town for a little bit but after a while it began to wear on her, especially observing all sorts of people walking around smiling and enjoying their lives. Seeing friends and families walking around midtown, smiling and laughing... it served to elevate her own feelings of loneliness and isolation, of inferiority and alienation. Feeling alone and dejected, she did the only thing she could think of and headed to Kaworu's apartment. He never judged her and she was pretty sure he didn't value her status as a pilot. It was the safest place to go to find some kind of comfort, even if that was just sitting in his presence and doing nothing.

He'd let her in without complaint, greeting her at his door with the same cheerful smile he usually wore. By now she could tell it was some kind of mask but she didn't want to question it. Whatever issues he was hiding from her it didn't matter. He accepted her, and more importantly, he didn't know or care much about, nor borne witness to her failures in the way Shinji and Rei had. Presently she was sitting on the floor of the single room apartment, watching a game show on the small television in the room, while Kaworu sat on the bed silently, watching along or otherwise. It didn't matter what he was doing. It was just nice being in the presence of someone who didn't judge her, didn't know about her faults, didn't expect anything from her, didn't want anything from her, and hadn't beaten her at anything...

"How come you decided to visit me today?" he suddenly asked, breaking the silence.

She shrugged. "I don't know... I was bored," she lied.

"I'm not sure I understand," he replied. "If you're going to just sit there in silence then why even bother to seek my company?"

She frowned. Couldn't he just let her have a moment away from all the troubles that she was dealing with? Was that really such a difficult thing to ask for? She supposed she'd just have to be a little honest with him... "I had a bad day at NERV, okay?" she returned.

"How so?" he asked.

It wasn't a judgmental inquiry, just one of simple curiosity, but even so, why did he have to ask her about every little thing? "I just did, okay..." she muttered.

"Was it something to do with the synchronization tests you've been having lately?" he pressed.

She glared at him over her shoulder, finally breaking her focus on the television. Why did he have to be so perceptive? She loved and hated that about him... "Yes, okay, that's what I'm upset about," she huffed. "My scores keep falling and I have no idea why."

His eyes widened momentarily before he looked down at his knees with a pensive expression. "I know you put a lot of stock in your abilities," he returned softly. "I can understand why that would be disheartening."

She appreciated his concern but it was too uncomfortable to admit that. Her pride had taken enough hits in the last few days, she couldn't admit to it. "Well, there's nothing I can do about it..." Asuka grumbled in response, turning back to the TV. "So let's just not talk about it..."

Silence fell in the room once again but for the sounds coming from the television. Minutes passed and Asuka was just starting to relax when Kaworu spoke up again. "Have you thought about opening up your heart to it?" he asked. "To Unit 02?"

That came completely out of left field, taking her by surprise. She didn't like the implications of those words. "What?" she blurted out, turning around to look at him with a mixture of confusion and ire. "What the hell do you mean?"

Kaworu stared back at her with a serious expression. "Aren't the Eva's controlled with some kind of mental link?" he asked.

Asuka really didn't like what he was trying to imply. "Yeah, so what?" she hissed. "It's just a big toy! What do you know about it, huh? You're not even a pilot! What are you even suggesting!?"

Kaworu's lips curved downward. "All I'm suggesting is that perhaps your unwillingness to address your own insecurities is making it more difficult to control your Eva," he returned softly. "I mean no offense by it."

That was it, there was nothing more infuriating that he could have said. "My own insecurities!?" she exploded, standing up and turning to face him fully with her fists balled at her side. "What are you trying to say!?"

Kaworu regarded her with a genuinely somber expression. "I... I don't know..." he replied, looking away. "I just don't like seeing you unhappy... and you clearly are holding onto a lot of pain. There's a lot you're holding on to. It's... easy to see..."

Asuka bristled at the comment. "What do you know about it!" she screamed. "Yeah, so what!? So what if there's things I don't want to talk about!? We all have things we don't want to talk about or deal with! How is facing the things I'd rather not deal with going to help me with piloting a fucking robot!?"

Kaworu looked down at his feet. "Forget I said anything," he replied. "It wasn't my place..."

She stood there seething, wishing he would clarify on why he made those assumptions, but if he did she knew that would just infuriate her more. She wanted to protest further but the genuinely apologetic look on his face stymied that notion. Still... he pride wouldn't allow her to be anything else but disgusted... and so she turned away from him. "I'm going home," she huffed. "See you at school..."

"Alright..." he replied. "See you at school..."

Without another word spared, she stomped over to the door, threw it open, and left. As soon as she did though, the guilt began to set in. She actually felt guilty for blowing up on Kaworu like that. He'd been trying to help her from a completely neutral position and she'd exploded in his face. What was even worse was that perhaps he had a point... maybe her carrying around all those angry feelings, being angry at herself and the world, might actually have an effect on the neural link.

She balled her fists and bared her teeth, shaking her head as she made it out of the apartment building and onto the streets of Tokyo 3. Why was she even considering his comments? Yes, she should apologize for being a bitch to him, but that didn't mean he had a point! Unit 02 was just a big stupid doll. It was a dumb machine, like a car or a plane. Why the hell would facing her problems help in any capacity?

"Fuck this..." she hissed to herself.

After being cooped up in a hotel room in Yaita for a number of days, Kaji was going positively stir crazy. Fujita had left the previous evening to meet with this Colonel Shikishima who might be able to help them, leaving him alone with nothing but the television to keep himself occupied. He'd spent plenty of time alone in the flat he'd occupied in Tokyo 3 but he could at least leave it when he pleased. Presently he had no such luxury. Fujita had explained that considering his situation that it was best to remain as unseen as possible. He agreed with this assessment, but there was only so much of watching television that a man could take... and only so many room service calls he could make before it was just asinine. So there he lay on the second bed in the room, trying his best to vegetate, and hoping that the DIH agent would return sooner rather than later whilst numbing his mind with the television.

Suddenly he heard the room's door begin to open and instantly his hand slipped into his jacket, grasping the butt of his pistol as he focused his eyes on the entrance. Room service would have knocked and even though it was most likely Fujita showing up he couldn't be too careful...

The door fully opened and Kaji breathed a sigh of relief when Fujita stepped inside. "So how did it go?" he asked, letting go of his pistol and relaxing a bit.

Fujita closed the door and sat down on the second bed. "We're meeting Shikishima in two days just north of Tokyo 3," he replied, looking over at him with a serious expression. "He's highly interested in what we're bringing him, so I'd say it went well."

Kaji's lips curved upwards. "I would agree. Two days gives us time to copy the documents and send them up your official chain of command," he commented.

"Exactly," Fujita returned. "Which we should probably get to doing at first light tomorrow. There's a lot of files to copy."

Kaji nodded. "Indeed," he replied. "How do you suppose we do this? We can't just show up at a copy store and scan them."

Fujita chuckled. "Let's just say I have access to enough government money to make things happen," he replied.

Kaji raised an eyebrow at that statement. "I'm not sure how that helps us in this situation," he returned. "Unless you can get us access to the materials needed to copy these files and the tape without anyone knowing about it, how does all that government money help us?"

Fujita smirked. "I've already made the arrangements," he replied. "The tape machine to copy the cassette is already in the trunk of my rental and before I came back I bribed the owner of a copy shop a few kilometers away to leave the doors unlocked after close, simple as that."

Kaji's eyes narrowed. "That's a bit risky, Fujita," he stated pointedly. "In my experience the kind of people who'll take a bribe aren't to be trusted."

"Trust has nothing to do with any of this," Fujita countered. "And there's very few problems that a few veiled threats and thirty million yen can't fix."

Kaji's jaw almost hit the floor. "Thirty million?" he asked in disbelief. The number was just absurd for a simple bribe...

Fujita chuckled. "Well, we are trying to prevent the end of the world, and the guy was being difficult," he replied. "You should have seen the owner though. The bastard's eyes nearly popped out of his head when I showed him the cash."

Kaji shook his head and sighed. It was for a good cause, and Fujita was right that one would have to be an idiot to turn that kind of money down, but it still rubbed him the wrong way. He really was too much of an idealist for espionage at times, but at least he knew that about himself. "If only the taxpayers knew about what kinds of things their money was going to..." he muttered.

Fujita snorted. "Then people like you and I would have a much more difficult time doing our jobs," he retorted.

Kaji couldn't help but snicker at that comment. "I suppose you're right," he replied.

Fujita stood up. "Well, no time to lose," he stated. "We should probably go and do this sooner rather than later, yeah?"

Kaji nodded. "I would agree," he replied, standing up from the bed. It would be nice to leave this stupid hotel room too... "In our situation we have very little time to waste."

The two men left the room and headed to the lobby to check out, putting a momentary hold on their conversation. Only once Kaji had sat down beside Fujita in the front seat of the black rental sedan the latter had rented did he feel comfortable speaking on the matters of their mission. "I'd imagine that we'll be making two copies of these files," he stated. "Since I can imagine you'll be passing them up your chain of command too, yes?"

"Indeed," Fujita replied, his voice taking on a bitter edge. "But I have much greater faith in Shikishima being able to make waves than my superiors being able to. You and I both know how slow things can move in intelligence..."

Kaji scowled. "Then I suppose Shikishima really is our best bet..." he muttered.

"Unless you can think of a viable plan B, then yes," Fujita returned softly.

Kaji's scowl deepened. He was toying with some ideas for a backup plan, something quite radical, something that even if it succeeded would probably land them in a ton of hot water... Hopefully it wouldn't come to such drastic measures as the ones he contemplated implementing. For now he'd put his faith in Shikishima and Fujita respectively...

It was morning and Asuka stood in the Eva cages before Unit 02, killing a bit of time before the scheduled sync test. The Eva's red and white head towered over her. It looked good as new, as if the decapitation it suffered at the hands of the last Angel had never occurred. It honestly a little infuriating. This stupid machine had no soul, no will of its own, no ability to understand or sympathize with her issues. It was just... there, an object for her to control and possess, and it was denying her even that. "So you're all fixed up like nothing ever happened, huh?" she practically spat, planting her hands on her hips and she glared up at it.

Silence was the response that she got. She expected as much. It wasn't like it could talk anyway...

"You're my doll and you'll do exactly what I tell you to do," Asuka continued after a moment, scowling up at Unit 02.

Once more, there was only silence.

She thought back to what Kaworu had said about opening her mind and heart to the stupid behemoth. "A friend of mine said that I should open my heart to you, but what do you care?" she huffed. "You're just a weapon. What does a weapon need a heart for, huh?"

Again, there was nothing but silence in response.

She bowed her head and pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers. "This is so fucking stupid..." she grumbled. "Why am I even talking to you? It's not like you can even listen anyway..."

Seconds after she uttered those words, the general alarm klaxon began to blare. "All personnel go to first stage alert!" a voice shouted over the intercom. "Unknown object detected in orbit over the Pacific Ocean! Prepare for Angel assault!"

Asuka's heart began to race. "An Angel, attacking now!?" she exclaimed.

The possibility was equally exciting and terrifying. It was exciting because she might have a chance to redeem herself after losing twice in a row but terrifying because if she lost again then it was likely she wouldn't get another chance. She grit her teeth. No. She would succeed at all costs, no matter what it took. This was the crossroads of her destiny and she wouldn't fail again...

With that thought in mind she raced to board her Eva.

Rei sat in the cockpit of Eva Unit 00, doing her best not to panic. Another Angel had arrived and though the details had yet to come in she knew in her gut that it was the Tenth from her original world. The memory of that original battle flashed in her mind. The sight of Unit 02 caught in a beam of light shining down from the heavens, the piercing sounds of her screams... and soon she would literally be reliving those moments.

Her mind raced as she thought about what she could do to change the outcome, what she could do to prevent the assault the Angel would wage on her friend's mind. She couldn't just descend to Terminal Dogma and retrieve the lance immediately, that would raise too many questions. Even if Commander Ikari had well and truly switched sides he wouldn't take kindly to the lance being used without his clearance either. That meant she'd have to play things out very similarly to how they'd gone before. She felt so very trapped...

She closed her eyes. No. She couldn't just allow things to repeat as they had before. If Asuka's mental state fell any further then she knew she'd just lean further into Nagisa for support and that would spell disaster later on, if their friendship wasn't a harbinger of doom for the redhead already. She had to intervene, but she could only feasibly intervene after all other forms of offensive action against the target were exhausted. But how? That was the real question at hand. On top of this, if Asuka were to be attacked psychologically in the same way as before, she'd have to physically pull her out of the beam, which made her wonder...

If she were caught in that ray of light herself... what would the Angel be capable of doing to her?

Rei shuddered at the thought. Having seen what happened to Asuka afterward made her beyond nervous. The torment had nearly broken her... One way or another, she had to keep the both of them from getting caught in that horrible light. If she failed, and the result hampered her own sync ratios as they had with Asuka, then when the next Angel came...

No... she refused to think on the subject. It was just too terrifying.

"Man, it sucks just sitting here waiting to deploy..." Asuka grumbled over the radio channel.

"At least you're not in my position. I'm stuck here and can't even launch..." Shinji replied to her meekly, referring to the hold that had been placed on Unit 01, preventing it from participating in combat operations.

Asuka snorted. "Why the hell are you complaining?" she retorted. "You don't even like being an Eva pilot!"

"I don't," he replied evenly. "But it's my duty, and I feel bad having to sit back and let you two fight, unable to help at all..."

Rei bit her lip at those words. He had such a good heart... it was part of what made her fall in love with him. "You don't need to be ashamed," she replied softly.

"Yeah, just sit back and relax," Asuka replied darkly. "We can handle everything. I'll handle everything..."

Rei breathed a shaky sigh. If only Asuka could know what awaited her topside when she launched... "We still don't know what the Angel is capable of. Considering the difficulty of our last battle, I suggest caution..." she replied. That was all of a warning that she could muster...

"Easy for you to say," Asuka scoffed. "You're not in the same position that I am..."

Rei frowned, unable to muster a reply. It was true that Asuka's personal stakes were high, but hers were too, in a way that no one but Ritsuko had any concept of...

Misato had rushed to the bridge as soon as she'd heard the alert. She had to admit she was a little nervous considering how long it had been since an Angel had attacked but she wouldn't let that show, professional as she was. "What's the status of the Angel!?" she barked as she reached her station.

"The target was picked up on radar in stationary orbit above us just a few minutes ago. We have visual confirmation now," Lt. Aoba responded. "Going to maximum magnification on the video feed."

"Its orbit is just outside of our defense envelope," Hyuga added. "And it's maintaining a constant distance from us."

The image of the angel came up on central display at the far end of the bridge. It was far different in form compared to all the enemies that had come before it. It wasn't a grotesque looking monster, in fact, it didn't even look like it was made of flesh. It's appearance was strange, like a glowing crystalline bird with six wings. That was about as best a description Misato could think of. It was actually strangely beautiful... which made it all the more horrifying and detestable as an adversary. Her eyes narrowed as she studied her enemy. So long as it stayed up there attacking it would be next to impossible... "So, is it looking for a nice comfy place to land?" she snarled, folding her arms. "Or is it going to destroy us from way up there?"

"We can't attack it from this distance..." Hyuga responded nervously.

"Yeah," Misato replied. "And unless it decides to come within range there's nothing we can do to touch it. The Evas were meant for close quarters combat, not to destroy an enemy still in orbit."

"So what's your call?" Hyuga asked quietly.

Misato scowled at the image on the central display as she weighed her options. With Unit 01 having orders to remain off the battlefield she'd have to make do with only two Evas, one with an unstable pilot to boot. No matter what, she couldn't just wait until the Angel decided to make a move. If she waited until then it could be too late as they still had no idea of the Angel's capabilities and she was not about to underestimate it. Tactically, it would make the most sense to deploy Rei as the element lead and Asuka to back her up. Yes. This was what she'd do. "What's Rei's status?" she asked, turning to Lt. Ibuki.

"Unit 00 is ready and waiting for deployment," Lt. Ibuki answered.

"Understood," Misato replied before addressing the bridge at large. "Roll out Unit 00 and equip it for long range engagement."

"Yes ma'am!" a chorus of voices responded.

Misato stepped over to Hyuga's console and grabbed the radio transmitter. "Rei, you're on point. Asuka you'll take the rear guard and support Unit 00, understood?" she commanded.

"Understood," came Rei's quiet response.

"Wait!" Asuka gasped. "You want me on backup duty?"

Of course she would cop some kind of attitude, and at that moment in time she was in no mood to deal with it. Once they were back home then they could discuss it, but she wouldn't stand for insubordination during an active combat situation. "That's right," Misato snapped back. "Take up a position of concealment and support Rei."

"I can't believe this!" Asuka growled. "Overriding launch procedures! Launching Evangelion Unit 02 now!"

"Asuka!" Ritsuko screamed out.

"Asuka, don't be reckless..." Rei added over the radio.

"All of you shut up and let me do my thing!" Asuka snapped back, her transmission ending with an audible crackle of static when she released the mic button.

"Shall I stop the catapult, Major?" Hyuga asked nervously.

Misato grit her teeth and dug her fingers into the sleeves of her jacket, drawing a deep breath and letting it out. "It's okay," she replied, her voice as even and calm as she could force it to sound. "Let her take point if she wants."

"That's irresponsible and you know it," Ritsuko responded harshly.

Misato regarded her estranged friend with a serious expression. "If she wants to prove herself, so be it," she replied evenly. "If she gets in trouble up there then we'll pull her out of there and maybe she'll learn not to be so hot headed."

"Major..." Hyuga spoke quietly. "What happens if we run out of options? What happens if Unit 00 and 02 can't handle the Angel?"

Misato bit the inside of her lip and stared forward and the image of the Angel on the central display. She would have loved to have deployed Unit 01 but that wasn't her decision, considering the recent politicking that had been going on in the echelons of power above her... "Unit 01 is barred from combat deployment per orders of Commander Ikari..." she returned softly, looking over her shoulder at the man himself, perched on his parapet. "Unfortunately we have to accept that..."

Gendo sat atop the highest section of the command bridge, staring out at the central display screen with a tense jaw. The lull between Angels was finally at an end and he had to admit he was worried. He wasn't worried that the fight could be won, but rather he was worried what it might take to attain that end. Before his change of heart he'd gone about affairs with a mentality of the ends justified the means. Now things weren't so black and white. If he was really going to live by Yui's values and be true to her wishes then he'd have to take his pilot's lives and well being into account going forward. The difficulties imposed by that were not lost on him. It meant that caution would take precedent, but for now all he could do was watch, wait, and trust that Major Katsuragi knew what she was doing. She'd never let them down before.

"You seem tense," Fuyutsuki stated softly.

"Do I?" Gendo responded, his tone more shaky than he would have liked it to be, his eyes remaining fixed on the image of their enemy on the screen.

"You do," Fuyutsuki continued. "You seem nervous about the outcome of this battle. Perhaps it's due to your change in approach to this war."

Gendo breathed a sigh behind his gloves. "I've truly become transparent, haven't I?" he countered softly.

"I know you well by now, after all these years," Fuyutsuki replied.

Gendo closed his eyes. "I will admit that I am troubled," he returned darkly.

"In what sense?" Fuyutsuki asked.

Gendo opened his eyes, focusing in on the image of the Angel on the screen, his lips curving deeper into a scowl as all sorts of thoughts raced through his mind. Though it posed a tactical problem, he was glad that his son was not on the front line. However, Rei was going to be out there. He didn't want to see her hurt or killed... after all, she was basically a daughter to him. Whether he'd realized it before or not, he realized it now. "I don't want to see Rei harmed..." he muttered softly.

"Then I suppose it's a good thing that the Second Child is taking the offensive role in this engagement," Fujutsuki replied.

Though it was very problematic that the Second Child had gone against Major Katsuragi's orders he was thankful that the combat operations director hadn't pressed the matter. That said, should Pilot Soryu fail or be incapacitated that would pose multiple problems. It would leave Rei as the sole pilot on the battlefield, leaving her to carry the mission solo. In addition to this, knowing of the friendship that she had with the second, she might well put herself at risk trying to assist her. If Rei was incapacitated, injured or worse then he would have no choice but to deploy Unit 01, to the possible ire of the old men at SEELE... "Perhaps..." he muttered darkly.

Asuka shouldered the sniper rail cannon Unit 02 had been equipped with. She gripped the control sticks of Unit 02 tightly, breathing deeply, trying her best to slow her heart rate and suppress the nervousness she was presently experiencing. Though no one had spoken to her about it she knew the stakes of the battle. If she failed again then she would probably be taken off active duty and she would not stand for such a dishonor. The thought that if she failed again that she might be stripped of the one thing that she cared about most, the one thing that truly gave her life value, that she'd always been able to count on, utterly and truly terrified her...

"If you fail this time they might not let you pilot anymore..." she bit out. "You can do it, Asuka. You must..."

She leveled the rifle at the sky and turned on the targeting systems in the cockpit. She counted herself lucky to have such systems in place considering the total cloud cover and the pouring rain that was falling on the city. Even if she couldn't physically see the Angel at least her Eva could. The sensors quickly locked up the Angel but the firing solution wouldn't finalize. If she fired now the rounds would fall short.

"The target is still out of range," Lt. Hyuga's voice rang in her cockpit.

"As if I don't fucking know that..." she snarled to herself, watching the targeting indicator flash over the target with the message telling her not to shoot with increasing frustration. "Why are you just hovering up there! Come and fight, Angel!" she exclaimed in anger.

Mere seconds after she spoke those words, something began to feel wrong. The light in the cockpit began to change and the Angel's glow in her targeting visor intensified. She began to feel a pressure in her head and she gasped as feeling of cold washed over her. Then she began to hear voices, faint at first but growing in intensity by the second. Suddenly all she could focus on were her memories, her insecurities, and her fears. Even worse, it felt like some kind of presence was entering her mind, forcing her to remember these things...

The clouds above her Eva parted as a beam of light from the heavens shined down upon it. Asuka threw her head back and screamed.

Ritsuko chewed the inside of her lip as she watched what was happening on the screen before her, trying not to panic. Unit 02 engulfed in a beam of light was awesome and terrifying sight to behold. Even more horrifying was that the events leading up to it had occurred almost exactly like the way they had in Rei's memory files. The worst thing about it was that both she'd been powerless to stop it. Ritsuko could only imagine how Rei was feeling right now, watching such a memory unfold again in real time...

The both of the had tried to intervene. Rei had tried to encourage Asuka to be more cautious and she'd tried to warn Misato not to allow Asuka to take point in a professional way but neither of them had listened. She felt guilty that she hadn't been more forceful, and again, she could only imagine what Rei was feeling. Then again, it had all happened so quickly. What could she really have done in her position? At least this Angel could easily be destroyed with the lance NERV was keeping in the basement... once Gendo decided it was time to intervene in such a way.

"The enemy has a particle beam weapon!?" Misato shouted, fear and confusion evident in her tone.

"Negative!" Lt. Huyga answered her. "No thermal emissions detected!"

"Abnormal reading psychological readings coming in from Asuka's neural link!" Maya shouted. "Mental contamination imminent!"

She wouldn't stand this. She had to intervene, otherwise it would just get worse. "It's attacking her ego border!" Ritsuko shouted out. "Get her out of there, now!"

"No!" Asuka screamed, firing blindly into the air and then into the countryside around the city, clearly suffering from the attack on her psych."No! No! No! Get out of my mind! Stop it! Stop it now!"

"What is that beam made of!?" Misato shouted, leaning in over Lt. Hyuga.

"It's some kind of energy oscillation using visible wavelengths!" he responded fearfully."It's similar to an A.T. Field!"

"The mental contamination is crossing her ego borderline!" Maya cried.

Ritsuko didn't need to hear anything any of that, she already knew what was happening to the poor girl. "Dammit!" she exclaimed. "If this keeps up her mind could be permanently damaged! Get her out of there now!"

"Asuka! Retreat!" Misato barked into the radio transmitter on the central console.

"No!" Asuka's shouted back, sounding positively anguished.

"Asuka, that was an order!" Misato cried. "I'm ordering you to retreat!"

"No! Never!" Asuka screamed. "I would rather die than lose again!"

"Enough of this!" Misato yelled. "Rei! Hit it with everything you've got!"

"Ma'am, Unit 00 is no longer in firing position!" Lt. Aoba shouted.

Ritsuko's blood ran cold. "What!?" both she and Misato screamed in unison.

As soon as she'd seen the beam of light and heard Asuka's screams Rei had made her decision on what to do. She'd dropped the positron sniper rifle Unit 00 had been outfitted with and began dashing through the city at top speed. Her cockpit shuddered with every thunderous crash of her Eva's footfalls, she was running so fast it was hard to retain control but the situation was dire. The positron rifle was going to be useless against the Angel anyway and she refused to let Asuka suffer the way she had in the other world. Her plan was simple. She would get as close to Unit 02 as possible and yank it to safety using its own umbilical power cable. This shouldn't be too difficult of a task to accomplish... so long as she herself stayed out of the beam she could do it, she was sure of it.

"Rei, what are you doing!?" Misato's voice barked over the radio. "Get back in position and engage the target!"

"I cannot do that," she replied, trying to keep the worry from seeping into her tone. "Extraction of Unit 02 from the battlefield should take priority. I will reposition and attack once that is accomplished."

Ritsuko's voice sounded in the cockpit. "Rei, if you get caught in the Angel's attack who knows what will happen to you!" she cried.

Her stomach churned at the thought, all sorts of scenarios flashing through her mind. If she got caught in the beam what would happen to her? What would the Angel make her see or confront? More importantly, would Commander Ikari unfreeze Unit 01 in order to destroy it? She couldn't worry about that now. All that mattered in that moment was pulling Asuka out before she broke... "A solo Eva is a liability. Integrity of the team is more important," she replied forcefully.

"Rei, please, don't put yourself at risk!" Ritsuko cried out.

"Don't listen to her!" Misato shouted. "Get Asuka out of there!"

Rei said nothing in response to either of them, trying her best to tune out the cacophony of voices coming from the speakers in the cockpit. She cleared the last few buildings and in seconds she was before Unit 02, around one hundred meters or so outside of the beam. She froze, watching Unit 02 standing there, convulsing like a wounded animal, hearing Asuka's faint whimpering. She was so close to danger, the Angel could very easily just shift it's beam...

No. No she wouldn't freeze up! She had to save her friend! Even if it changed nothing of the future she just couldn't live with herself if she didn't try. With that thought in mind she grabbed the umbilical cable and yanked with all of Unit 00's might.

Unit 02 toppled over on its back, shaking the surrounding buildings. Rei grit her teeth as she yanked on the controls, her own arms and legs feeling the strain of the weight through her neural link with Unit 00 as it began dragging the other Eva away from the light. Even though she was struggling she felt an intense wave of elation wash over her. It was working! She was going to get Asuka out of the beam and off the battlefield. Once that happened then she could pointlessly shoot at the Angel with the positron cannon which would then force Commander Ikari to use the lance and everything was going to work out fine...

"Rei, the Angel is tracking Unit 02!" Misato shouted. "Stay out of the beam and get to the nearest egress point!"

Not even a second later, Lt. Hyuga's voice blasted over the frequency. "The energy reading coming from the Angel is rapidly increasing!" he cried. "The beam is expanding!"

"Rei! Get out of there!" Ritsuko screamed.

She had no time to react. Rei gasped in horror as the edge of the beam rushed toward her. There was a blinding flash that turned her entire vision to white. It felt like a million tiny needles were stabbing into her brain and then...

Darkness...

Though the situation was rather troubling before, the moment Rei had taken it upon herself to assist the Second Child was when Gendo had began experiencing real concern. He'd sat watching her mad dash toward Unit 02 with an unblinking focus, his hands balled into white knuckled fists on he on the console in front of him. However, the instant he saw her caught in the Angel's energy weapon, whatever it was, that was the moment he'd shot to his feet. The realization that for perhaps the first time since the Angel war had began that he was running out of options was a deeply unpleasant reality.

"This isn't good..." Fuyutsuki murmured softly. "What is your call?"

Gendo said nothing as he continued to stare at the video feed intently, watching both Unit 00 and 02 convulsing as the bridge crew on the deck below fell into a complete panic. His mind was racing, trying to make a decision. He was effectively out of options. The only thing he could feasibly do in this situation was break the freeze that the old men had requested he place on Unit 01...

"The Angel is now eroding Rei's ego borderline!" Lt. Ibuki cried out. "It's doing so while maintaining its assault on Asuka!"

But if he did that then it would put him in an ever more precarious situation with the old men than ever. They certainly would have something to say, though at this point what other choice did he have?

"We can't get them out of there!" Lt. Aoba shouted. "We are combat ineffective!"

Major Katsuragi spun around to face him. "Requesting permission to launch Unit 01!" she cried with a look that conveyed complete desperation.

And what would he do if the long range positron cannon NERV had developed after Operation Yashima failed to destroy the the Angel...

"Ikari... we're running out of time..." Fuyutsuki reminded nervously.

"Father!"

Gendo tensed as his son's voice rang over the radio, reverberating across the bridge. "Please!" Shinji shouted. "Let me go out in Unit 01!"

He could feel the desperation in his son's voice... "The freeze on Unit 01 is lifted! Have it fitted for long range combat and ready to engage in three minutes!" he barked down at the combat operations team on the deck below. This was the only option. He would deal with the consequences and continue playing his dangerous game. The committee might be backward thinking and conservative but they weren't stupid. They would understand the gravity of the situation when briefed.

"Yes sir!" Major Katsuragi called back before addressing the bridge. "Prepare to launch Eva Unit 01!"

"A pragmatic choice," Fuyutsuki commented quietly.

Gendo's scowl deepened. "It was the only choice, sensei..." he growled under his breath.

Asuka couldn't tell where she was. One moment she'd been piloting Unit 02 and the next she was in some kind of strange black void, standing under some kind of dim spotlight. The place unnerved her. She didn't like being surrounded by such utter and complete darkness. "What is this place?" she uttered aloud. "Where am I?"

Her eyes widened. This must be some kind of illusion created by the Angel she'd been fighting. That was right... the Angel was boring into her mind. This place must be some kind of dream world it created in her mind...

The sound of a child crying pierced her ears and the void swirled and changed colors until she was standing in a cold gray room. Her heart jumped to her throat as the vision before her became clear. It was... herself, her younger self at about three years of age. Her younger self was crying, holding a stuffed monkey. This was a memory. She was watching one of her own memories from the outside looking in. Was this something the Angel she was fighting was forcing her to see?

Her younger self dried her eyes and grimaced. Before long, the younger Asuka's face contorted into an angry snarl before she ripped open the stuffed toy, spewing the cotton innards all over the floor. Yes... she remembered this moment! This was the moment she swore she'd never cry again...

"What's wrong, Asuka?" a man's voice rang in her ears. Seconds later, the vision of her father appeared before her younger self, frowning down with a concerned expression. "That was a present from your new mother... didn't you like it?"

Asuka balled her fists, seething as she relived this moment. She would never forgive her father for remarrying so quickly after her mother's death. She would never forgive him for being so absent from her life, for being so callus to her pain and loneliness, so self absorbed in his own interests! Fuck him! She hated her father!

"No!" her younger self shouted.

Her father frowned. "But, why not?" he asked.

Asuka stepped in front of her younger self. She couldn't take watching this horrible memory again. "Because I'm not a child!" she shouted at the vision of her father. "I had to grow up faster than normal people, I didn't need stuffed toys!"

The darkness swirled around her after that, wrenching that vision, that moment of assertion away from her. Out of the darkness an outline of a door appeared, opening over and over again, horrible lights in many colors shining through every time. "Please look at me!" her younger self's voice rang in her ears. "I'm begging you, mama! Please don't stop being my mother!"

"Asuka..." she heard her mother voice from the void, calling her name in a sinister way...

Asuka remembered the sight of her mother's hands wrapped around that horrible rag-doll she'd kept in the hospital. Even now she could remember that sickening smile she'd worn. Then she remembered when her mother had tried to do that to her, how her hands had felt around her neck... Even in this horrible empty place she was in it felt like hell closing in upon her.

"Mama, no!" she heard the younger version of herself screaming, crying. "Please! Please don't kill me! I'm not mama's doll! I'll live for myself and think for myself!"

The memories were too raw, too painful. She couldn't stand it. Asuka shut her eyes and pulled her arms tight to her chest. She didn't want to remember how her mother had tried to hurt her, how she'd abandoned her, how she'd loved that stupid rag-doll more than her, how she'd found her mother in the hospital the day she got picked to be a pilot... "No!" she shouted in panic. "No! I wanted to forget all that! I don't want to remember any of this! I wanted to forget these memories! Don't uncover them! I don't want them anymore! Stop it! Stop it!"

"Please, Asuka... die with me..." her mother's voice issued from the darkness surrounding her.

Asuka opened her eyes and stepped backwards on instinct, those words making her heart race and her blood run cold. Out of the darkness appeared that stupid, horrible, hateful doll again, strung up by its neck and hanging in the air. Over the blood thundering in her ears she could hear the voice of her younger self crying out. "If that's what you want, I'll die with you mama..." her younger self whimpered. "Just please, please don't stop being my mother..."

It was all so painful. She remembered saying those things back when she was three years old. She'd been visiting her mother in the hospital at the time... and she remembered what her mother said next...

"Mama? Who are you?" her mother's voice stabbed at her ears.

Asuka grit her teeth and balled her fists at her side. That was what hurt most of all, the fact that her own mother had stopped recognizing her, stopped seeing her. Because of that rejection she'd made it her mission to be the best Eva pilot in the world. She'd never go unseen by anyone every again. She'd make the world look at her and recognize her for who she was, someone worthy of respect, admiration, and love, love that she'd never gotten from her mother...

Another vision appeared before her. It was herself, her current self, or at least her more recent self. She was standing beside Rei, bragging about Unit 02. "If you got it, flaunt it, right?" the vision of herself spoke. This was the picture of her pride, the mask of pride she wore in the face of others...

"This isn't me..." Asuka spoke.

The vision shifted to time she'd gotten drunk with Shinji on Misato's beer. "You're thinking about her, aren't you!?" her other self exclaimed. This was rejection. This the the vision of her envy, envy of others who had love and affection. She was such a hateful person...

"This isn't me!" Asuka protested.

The vision shifted to the time she ripped open her blouse in an attempt to proposition Kaji. "Just look at me, Kaji! Look at me!" her other self shouted. This was the vision of her loneliness, her need to be loved, to be seen and validated by others...

"No! This isn't me!" Asuka screamed into the void, shutting her eyes once again. "None of this is the real me! Help me! Anyone! Someone help me!"

"How can I help?" a soft, airy voice entered her ears.

Asuka opened her eyes and saw Kaworu standing just out of reach, smiling with that carefree smile he always wore. Kaworu was her friend, perhaps her closest friend now, the only person who hadn't rejected her or pushed her away. He was kind to her and understanding, and yet she wanted more. She balled her fists and her eyes began to sting. Why did she have to think about him, to be confronted with him at a time like this? Why did all those feelings she had for him have to start spilling out? "Why are you here!?" she screamed, sitting down and pulling her knees to her chin, squeezing her eyes shut again. "You come into my life when I'm at my lowest and you say you want to help but you do nothing! You won't help me, you won't hold me, you won't even call me by my given name! I don't need you! I don't need anyone!"

"Are you done?" another voice asked, her own voice, the voice of her younger self. "Are you alone?"

"I'm fine being alone!" Asuka shouted feebly. She had to maintain her pride and her vision of herself. It was all she had left... "I won't rely on anyone!"

Her mother's doll appeared in her mind's eye even though she was squinting her eyes shut. "You're lying..." it said in her own voice.

"Die with me, Asuka..." her mother's voice filled her mind. The vision of her dead mother swirled in her head. She was hanging there in that hospital room from a rolled up bed sheet, her face blue and bloated, eyes wide open and bloodshot. Then... her mother's face contorted in a grin and smiled "Die with me now..." her mother spoke.

All Asuka could do was scream, and scream, and scream...

Shinji clenched his jaw as the catapult triggered, pushing him deeper into his seat and sending his Eva rocketing toward the surface. His heart was racing and he squeezed the control sticks in the cockpit tightly to try at keep himself under control. He was on the verge of a complete panic attack already thanks to hearing the garbled transmissions from Unit 02 and Unit 00. Hearing the agonized screams and whimpers of Asuka and Rei, one of his closest friends and the girl he cared about most, was gut wrenching.

He wondered what they were experiencing, what they could be experience that was making them cry out in such anguished tones. If Asuka's screams and Rei's whimpers were anything to go by it was certainly horrible. He'd never heard either of them make such horrible sounds. It made him fearful for their safety and oh so very angry at the same time. As he reached the surface of the city and took position where Rei had originally been stationed the fear began to melt away and become totally consumed by that burning anger. He was going to save them no matter what. He was going to kill this damned Angel no matter what the cost...

"Shinji, are you in position?" Misato's shaky voice rang in the cockpit.

He positioned himself behind the rifle Rei had abandoned and pulled the stock tight into Unit 01's shoulder before switching on the radar and thermal targeting systems. "In position," he responded, pulling the targeting visor from above his head down over his eyes and engaging the master arm for the rifle. "Fuse engaged and ready to fire..."

"Particle accelerator is active and charging," Lt. Hyuga stated.

"Voltage is increasing," Lt. Ibuki added. "Calculating compensation for the earth's rotation and gravity."

Shinji didn't care about any of the science jargon that the bridge crew was rattling off, all he cared about was the indicator on his screen. He had a positive lock and he was itching to pull the trigger. All that was missing was the probability of hit to clear the acceptable levels. His eyes focused like lasers on the tiny white dot between the cross-hairs, waiting for shoot indicator to appear on the screen and the corresponding tone to fill his cockpit...

"Release the final safety locks!" Lt. Hyuga called out. "All personnel prepare for firing!"

Half a second later the queue he was waiting for flashed on his targeting screen and firing tone filled his ears. He grit his teeth and pulled the trigger...

Ritsuko watched the satellite feed of the Angel with a hopeless, almost resigned expression as the positron beam fired by Unit 01 dispersed around the Angel's A.T. Field. She'd known this would happen thanks to her talks with Rei and seeing her the files of the memories of that girl's original world first hand, but she'd been unable to speak up about it. If she had then it would have probably only managed to delay the operation which would mean more time Rei and Asuka spent under the Angel's psychological assault, something she wanted to be over with as soon as possible...

"It's no good!" Lt. Aoba shouted. "There wasn't enough energy to penetrate its A.T. Field! It's still too far out for the rifle to be effective!"

"The rifle is at maximum overcharge already!" Lt. Hyuga exclaimed. "We can't get any more power!"

"The psycho-graph readings for Unit 00 and Unit 02 are getting weaker!" Maya cried.

Ritsuko could see the graph in question on Maya's console, the erratic readings causing her stomach to churn. Whatever the Angel was doing to them, whatever it was making them experience was probably horrendous... "What's the status on the LCL mind barriers?" she asked.

"The infiltration is too strong!" Maya fearfully exclaimed. "We can't even hope for a buffering effect!"

"Switch to life support only for both units," Ritsuko ordered. "That should at least buy us some time."

"Yes, senpai!" Maya responded, her fingers flying over her keyboard, frantically making the inputs necessary.

Ritsuko looked back up at the central display screen and watched as Unit 00 and Unit 02 ceased twitching and went completely motionless, signaling that Maya's intervention had been successful. She never would have believed that an Angel could accomplish such a feat as prying inside a human mind had she not seen or heard about it from Rei and her memories. The only question that remained was... why? Why would an Angel wish to understand humanity?

Then again... there was already an Angel integrated among humanity, living as a human in the city at that very moment. That Angel, Nagisa, apparently was friends with Asuka or at least she considered him a friend. According to Rei he experienced moments of internal conflict just like a human would. Perhaps the reason Nagisa had come to Tokyo 3 in the first place was a curiosity to understand the human heart. If that was the case, then it was actually a little sad. It certainly added an element of tragedy to the Angels' existence...

"Why is it doing this to them?" Misato asked, her voice coming out hushed and worried.

Ritsuko couldn't bring herself to say what she was thinking. "I don't know..." she lied, looking down at the floor.

Kaworu stood on a hillside outside of Tokyo 3, watching the events unfolding below. He'd been on one of his wandering walks around the city in an attempt to assess things when the raid sirens had begun sounding in the distance but instead of taking cover he'd elected to stay out and watch. Besides, he knew what the outcome would be, there was no point in hunkering down. He could see the beam of light descending from the sky and knew what it meant, that one of the pilots, most likely Soryu, was trapped in it...

His lips curved downward as his mind drifted back to the conversation that he'd had with her at his apartment. He remembered how upset she'd been when he'd given her the advice of opening her heart and mind to her Evangelion as to better sync with it. He'd sat alone after that, staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep for hours that night. He hadn't seen her since but her genuinely hoped that he hadn't alienated her so much as to cause her further problems or terminate their tenuous friendship.

He found it so ironic, the human condition and what he'd seen of it. He found it so very flawed. Human beings relied on one another to live and yet they spent so much time and devised so many ways to push each other away. Angels like him were perfectly capable of existing without the support of anyone or anything else... or at least he'd once thought so.

His own experiences in recent weeks, ever since he'd awakened in this world, had led him to ask questions, questions that had led to more questions that seemingly could never be answered. What did it mean to be a human being? What did it mean to be an Angel? How could he defy his purpose?

He clenched his fists at his side. He could reveal himself right now. He could simply use the godlike powers he'd been created with to rise to the heavens and destroy the member of his kin who was assaulting his friends. Yes... he'd call them his friends, even if Ayanami didn't consider him such. The idea was certainly tempting, but he knew it would only cause problems. The men at SEELE would certainly determine their scenario was irrevocably disrupted and the repercussions of that could very well be dire for his friends. In addition to that, NERV wouldn't hesitate to destroy him should he do it. Even if he was helping them, he was still an Angel... and he didn't want to give up his life yet. There was still so much more that he wished to understand about living. There was still so much about the human heart he possessed that he wanted to understand...

His eyes widened. That... that was exactly what the member of his kin out in space was trying to do, to understand the human heart. As horrible an experience as it likely was to have one's heart and mind invaded, he understood why his sibling was doing such a thing to Soryu, Ayanami, or Shinji-kun. He couldn't help but wonder... if his brethren had been given forms and minds similar to his would humanity have ever needed to fight them? Would the instinctive call to return to the seed, to return to nothing still sway them? Would it have been possible for humanity and his kind to coexist?

His frown intensified and he felt his eyes starting to sting, a feeling that was both familiar and unfamiliar. "It's all so incredibly sad..." he murmured to himself, ruminating on the tragedy of the situation as a whole...

Life, whether it be that of Angel or human, could certainly be a tragedy...

Gendo's mind raced as he desperately searched for a way to salvage the combat situation. So far deploying Unit 01 had gotten him nothing except a guaranteed professional interrogation by the old men. The clock was ticking and he had to figure out something. He couldn't send Unit 01 to retrieve Unit 00 and Unit 02 lest it be caught in the beam as well but at the same time he couldn't just leave two of his pilots under the Angel's assault. Rei and Pilot Soryu were going to be irrevocably harmed or killed if he did, and he couldn't allow that to happen...

"What are the odds of the Angel descending from orbit!?" Major Katsuragi shouted.

"The odds of the target descending into our weapons envelope is zero point zero two percent!" Lt. Hyuga responded.

Gendo grimaced bitterly. Of course... he did have one option, one that was certain to defeat the target but would cause long term and immediate consequences in equal measure...

"Damn!" the major shouted in exasperation. "Can we take Unit 01 airborne and destroy it that way!?"

"Negative!" Lt. Aoba responded to her. "We would be too overexposed!"

If he were still trying to forward his old scenario he would do it without hesitation or a doubt in his mind. Then again... he still had some doubts. He would have preferred if Rei were the one to do what was necessary in this situation but the poor girl was currently incapacitated thanks to her selfless act of friendship toward The Second... he would have to use his son for this. That wasn't a problem, Shinji would no doubt execute the maneuver flawlessly...

The problem was... how would Shinji react to seeing what hid in the depths of NERV headquarters?

"Then what the hell can we do!?" Major Katsuragi roared.

He supposed that none of that didn't matter right now. Whatever way it might stain his tenuous relationship with his son he could deal with later. Presently the main objective was protecting his pilots, the girl who'd become like a daughter to him, and the world at large... even if that meant pushing the clock of Armageddon forward... "Major Katsuragi!" he barked.

She pivoted around to face him, her face filled with desperation and worry. "Sir?" she uttered, looking to him for orders.

"We will use the lance!" he snapped. "Have Unit 01 retreat to the geofront and descend to Terminal Dogma at once!"

"Ikari!" Fuyutsuki exclaimed beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder and getting in close beside him before speaking in a hushed whisper. "You can't possibly be thinking of using the lance... if you do then who knows what the committee will do."

Gendo's eyes narrowed. "I know what I'm doing, sensei," he growled. "We have no way of destroying an Angel that is beyond the reach of an Eva's A.T. Field. This is the only way..."

"I thought that if Adam and Eva were to come into contact it could cause the third impact!" Major Katsuragi protested. "Why are you taking this kind of chance, Commander? It's too dangerous!"

"You will proceed as told," he replied flatly, fighting to regain a sense of calm and composure in his tone, glaring down at her. "Establish a private radio connection between myself an Unit 01."

"I can't do that, sir!" she protested. "It's far to risky!"

He glowered down at her. This was no time to explain that the risk was minimal at best nor was it the place. Revealing the truth in front of everyone would simply add to his own personal risk in this moment, not to mention undermine his authority, two things he would not allow. "Then you are relieved of your command of this operation," he snapped back.

Major Katsuragi grimaced and looked away from him. "Yes sir..." she replied, folding her arms.

Gendo didn't spare a second before addressing the bridge crew. "Establish communication between myself and Unit 01!" he barked. "Ready the main shaft for immediate descent!"

"Yes Commander!" the three head technicians chorused.

"The committee will not stand for this..." Fuyutsuki murmured softly. "And the mass production series is nearly complete..."

Gendo sat back down in his chair and breathed a heavy sigh. It was done, he'd given the order necessary to defeat the enemy. The only thing left was to walk Shinji through executing it... "I know..." he replied almost under his breath, the severity of the words leaving his mouth nearly making him shudder. "But we have no other choice but to push the clock forward..."

"Perhaps we should speak to our ghost and see where he stands in regards to his part to play in things..." Fuyutsuki murmured.

Gendo nodded. "Yes," he replied. "Once this matter is sorted, we should..."

Shinji felt so helpless sitting in his cockpit. The shot he'd fired had been absolutely useless and the beam was still coming down from the heavens and enveloping his friends. "Dammit!" he shouted, slamming his fist on the Eva's control column. If he tried to pull the same kind of move that Rei had he'd just get caught in the beam but he couldn't just sit there and do nothing. If he sat there and did nothing then there was a good chance that both Rei and Asuka would die... "What do I do now!?" he exclaimed to himself, fighting back tears of frustration.

The radio in his cockpit crackled to life. "Shinji," his father's voice flowed from the speakers. "Proceed to the nearest egress point to the geofront at once."

It took him by surprise, both that his father was personally giving him a combat order and that he was being told to retreat. "Why!?" he exploded but quickly reeled his emotions inward, mustering just a little bit of control over them. His father respected him more when he kept himself cool... "Why would I retreat? Rei and Asuka will die out here..."

"There is a way you can save them," his father replied evenly. "If you do exactly as I say..."

Shinji bit his lip, hesitating, staring at the column of light coming down through the cloud cover. "What do I have to do?" he asked.

His father paused for a moment before responding. When he did his voice was low and pensive sounding. "NERV in in possession of a special weapon..." he replied. "You will retrieve it and use it to destroy the target. Understood?"

"A special weapon?" Shinji asked. What could be more powerful than the positron cannon? If that thing couldn't punch through the Angel's A.T. Field than what would?

"Yes," his father replied. "The most powerful weapon at our disposal. Now, there is no time to lose. Do as I say and you can save your friends, understood?"

He supposed he'd have to trust his father on this matter. He had no other options available. Whatever this weapon was he'd find out soon enough... "Understood..." he replied.

"Proceed to the nearest descent port," his father commanded. "We have no time to lose."

Shinji did as he was instructed, moving Unit 01 to the nearest catapult shaft, leaning against the back of the sledge that would take him back to NERV headquarters. Before the doors closed in front of him he took one last look at the beam of light and frowned. "Hang on, both of you..." he murmured to himself like some kind of prayer. "Please, hang on..."

Rei wasn't sure exactly where she was. She upon an invisible black floor within some pitch dark space. It was hard to comprehend exactly what was going on. It was almost like what she'd experienced when she'd met Yui-sama before being transported to this world. Was this Instrumentality? No... no it couldn't be. The last thing she remembered was trying to rescue Asuka from the Angel's mind attack and then...

Her eyes widened as she realized what was going on. She was caught in the beam and the Angel was probing into her mind like it had with Asuka in the other timeline. How did she allow that to happen? How could she have failed to save her friend? Her heart ached... was she really able to change nothing for the better?

The vision of Unit 00 pulling the plug out of Unit 03 only to watch it be crushed in Unit 01's hand appeared before her like a window in the void. The sound of Shinji sobbing after nearly killing his friend filled her ears...

Rei covered her ears in an attempt to block it out. She still regretted this. She hadn't been able to change anything. She hadn't been able to change any event in a way that actually had an impact on anything... "Why?" she whimpered. "Why can't I change anything? Why can't I do anything right?"

Another vision appeared before her. It was Commander Ikari, standing before her, holding his hand up with Adam implanted in it. "I have become one with Adam," he said. "In order to see Yui again there is no other way..."

She shut her eyes. No. No! Commander Ikari had given her Adam, allowed her to decide her own fate! This was in the past! This wasn't her life! She'd moved beyond that! She'd grown beyond such things! She'd managed to escape the purpose for which she'd been created...

The vision before her changed to the moment when Ritsuko's mother, Naoko Akaki had wrapped her hands around her neck. "You little bitch!" the elder Akagi snarled. "You're replaceable, Rei! You're replaceable, just like me!"

"No..." Rei whimpered, the fear of that moment rushing back to her as if it was happening again. "I don't want to remember this. I'm not replaceable, I'm a human being..."

At least... she wanted to be...

The vision in front of her changed once again. She could see herself sitting before Ritsuko in her office with a bandage on her hand. She remembered this moment all too well... "It would seem that due to your Angelic genetic properties that you are... sterile," Ritsuko murmured softly.

Rei bit her lip and bowed her head. "Why would you make me remember that?" she whimpered. That memory just drove home the fact that she was artificial, that she was fake, that she would never be a real girl. "I don't want to think about these things..."

"Poor little puppet... she cut her own strings and now she can't stand..." the voice of Yui-sama rang in her mind.

It was all too real, too raw. Her thoughts began to spiral out of control. She'd been unable to change anything for the better. Nothing she'd done in this world had done any good. She hated feeling this way. She hated knowing that it was the truth. She hated knowing that she'd never be a real person, that she was artificial, that her attempts to change things had only made things worse. She hated that she was too afraid to be honest with the people who might have been able to help her. She felt so guilty and worthless and alone. Where was Ritsuko when she needed her? Where was Shinji when she needed him most? "Help me..." she whimpered, her whole body beginning to tremble. "Please, anyone, help me..."

A vision of Shinji appeared before her. "Why would I help you?" he spoke, glowering down at her with a look of utter contempt. "All you've done is keep secrets from me..."

It was true. She'd kept so much from him and from everyone. She'd been too afraid to trust him with her secrets and the things that genuinely troubled her... but was she wrong to do so? If Shinji and everyone else knew what she was and what she'd been created for they'd probably detest her.

"I hate you..." Ritsuko's voice snarled in her ear.

"You disgust me..." Asuka's voice growled.

"I don't want to see you again..." Shinji's voice somberly stated.

This was a possible future if they were to discover her secrets. She had to double down and further bury the things she wanted to hide from them. It was the only way... "No... I can't let this happen... I can't tell them..." she murmured with tears in her eyes. At the same time though, she knew that dishonesty was no foundation to build connections with others upon, and she'd already been so dishonest with them. If she told them then everything she'd built with everyone could unravel before her eyes. Then again... what if she didn't tell them and they still found out?

"And what if they discover the truth on their own?" Commander Ikari's voice inquired, as if he were reading her thoughts. "What then will you do?"

"Would it turn out any differently?" Nagisa's voice pressed the matter.

"You're a liar," Shinji's voice accused.

"You're a fake," Ritsuko's voice stated.

"You're replaceable," Naoko Akagi's voice declared.

A vision came to her mind, of the tank of her clones in the bowels of NERV, all of them leering at her with predatory grins. "You can't escape what you are..." they all spoke at once in her own voice. "You'll never be a real human being..."

Rei finally broke, covering her ears with her hands and shaking her head. "No!" she shouted. "I don't want to hear this! I'm not a fake! I won't accept this!"

She opened her eyes and she saw herself in her apartment, the moment right after she smashed her mirror in a fit of anguish when Shinji was still trapped within Unit 01. All those feelings of sadness and self loathing she'd felt then threatened to overwhelm her now. If there was such a thing as hell, she certainly felt that this place, whatever it was, fit the description...

The scenery shifted, once again returning to the empty void. A vision of her younger self, the Rei trapped within Unit 00 appeared before her, frowning. "Do you hate yourself?" the apparition asked softly.

Rei bowed her head and bit her lip. "Yes..." she whimpered at first before rising to despairing cries. "I hate what I am. I hate that if I show everyone who and what I am that they'll hate me! I hate that I can't change the future! All I've ever done is make things worse for everyone! It would have been better if I had never been created!"

The apparition twisted and shifted until it was Yui Ikari standing there, looking down her nose at her. "And yet you chose to live again..." she stated with a scowl. "If you despise living, then why?"

Rei bowed her head. "I don't want to die... I don't wish to return to nothing," she whimpered. "Not anymore..."

Yet again, the apparition before her shifted and took a different form. This time, it was Commander Ikari... "So you wish to exist and yet not exist," he stated, his eyes boring into hers from behind those awful sunglasses of his. "Is that the case?"

Rei didn't know how to respond. "I don't know... perhaps at moments..." she murmured, trembling, unable to look away from him. "I just... I'm afraid of rejection. I don't want to lose the people I care about. I don't want them to push me away... I- I'm afraid of being hurt..."

"You can chose to never feel pain again, to end the suffering of all mankind..." he stated, lifting his arm and pointing a gloved finger toward her side, toward her left hand. "I gave you that power should you wish to use it..."

She lifted her palm to find the embryonic Adam fused with it, staring up at her with its one unblinking eye...

Rei closed her eyes and let loose an anguished scream into the void.

Shinji let go of the cable Unit 01 had been holding onto used for the agonizingly slow descent to Terminal Dogma as soon as he was close enough to land safely. His heart was pounding in his chest, both from being anxious to retrieve this weapon his father had told him about and because the surroundings this deep inside headquarters were genuinely creepy. He'd never been this deep down into the bowels of NERV before and something about this place just felt... off. He stood in a large hallway with black stone walls, floors, and a ceiling that matched. In this chamber even Unit 01 seemed small in comparison. It seemed impossible that such a space could have been crafted by human hands... "I've reached Terminal Dogma," stated as he keyed the mic in his cockpit.

The radio crackled to life. "Straight ahead of you in the hallway you're in should be a door," His father directed. "Proceed through it."

Shinji did as he was told and moved down the hallways until he reached the door in question, a set of huge double doors in fact. Without hesitation he pushed them open and brought Unit 01 into the next chamber. As soon as he did his eyes went wide...

He was standing in an absolutely enormous dome shaped room and at the center of it was a gargantuan red crucifix, but that was the least unnerving thing he saw. There was an Eva sized walkway leading up to it but surrounding that walkway looked like a huge lake of LCL. This again, was not nearly as concerning as the... thing that was pinned to the crucifix. It was some kind of pure white humanoid figure that was missing legs, instead having tree root like growths coming out of its lower torso. He couldn't see the thing's face, probably for the better, due to the purple mask that it wore, emblazoned with a white triangle and seven eyes. Stabbed into the creature's chest was some kind of red spear and orange liquid seemed to continuously flow from that spot. "Wh- what is this thing?" he stammered in shock. Despite his shock and confusion, he recalled a conversation he'd once had with Kaji. Was this that Adam entity he'd once mentioned?

There was an horribly long pause before his father responded. "That is the Second Angel, Lilith..." his father responded.

Shinji's stomach did a flip. How was this possible? "The Second Angel?" he inquired in a hushed, shocked tone.

"Yes," his father replied flatly.

He had so many questions he wanted to ask but none more important than the one he uttered next. "Wh- why is it here!?" he exclaimed.

There was another long pause before his father spoke again. "It was always here," his father stated cryptically. "NERV headquarters was built around it and this space."

That just raised even more questions. "What!?" he exclaimed. "How is that possible!? Aren't the Angel's our enemy!?"

"There's no time to explain it," his father replied harshly. "The fact of the matter is that if the other Angels reach Lilith then it will mean the end of the world. Now grab the lance."

Shinji felt absolutely bewildered. "What?" he uttered. "This is the weapon you were talking about?"

"Yes," his father snapped. "Don't delay if you want to save your friends."

Shinji sat in his cockpit, his mind reeling. How on earth was a spear supposed to defeat an enemy in outer space? There an Angel in NERV's basement and he was just supposed to brush it off like it was no big deal? What other secrets was his father keeping from him?

"Shinji!" his father snapped, not quite yelling at him but forcefully enough to make the urgency of the situation clear in his tone. "Don't hesitate! Get moving!"

He supposed that he could wait to ask these questions. His father was right, he had to go back and do whatever he could to help Asuka and Rei. "Alright..." he murmured softly.

He brought Unit 01 forward until it stood close enough to the creature on the cross to grasp the spear piercing its chest. With a grunt he pulled on the control sticks and the spear came free. Instantly the Angel on the cross sprouted vaguely humanoid legs that hit the walkway with a thud, causing him to yelp in surprise.

"Have you retrieved the lance?" his father asked, sounding a little impatient.

Shinji breathed heavily for a few seconds, trying to steady his heartbeat. "Yes," he replied "I have..."

"Good," his father returned. "Proceed back to the surface."

"Alright..." Shinji replied nervously. He backed away Unit 01 from the creature on the cross, the supposed Second Angel nervously, taking one last look at it before dashing down the hallway. He had to trust that his father knew what to do...

Even so... he couldn't help but wonder just how many more dark secrets he wasn't privy to...

Once he reached the cable that had lowered him, he grabbed hold of it and put his Eva's foot on the foothold at the bottom, securing himself. "I'm back at the lift," he stated. "Bring me up."

The lift began to move, slowly bringing him toward the surface. The silence as it began the climb was deafening and the questions wouldn't abate. "So, father... what am I supposed to do with this thing?" he asked.

"You'll throw it," his father responded flatly.

His jaw fell open. "Throw it?" he responded in total disbelief.

"Yes," his father responded. "The Lance of Longinus is the only weapon in our possession that can penetrate an A.T. Field on its own."

"How am I supposed to do that!?" he exclaimed, unable to contain his shock. "That's impossible!"

"Nothing is impossible," his father responded evenly. "The calculations will be taken care of by the technicians here on the bridge and Unit 01's onboard targeting system. All you need to do is throw it, understood?"

Shinji frowned, his eyebrows knitting up. He supposed if his father had faith that this crazy idea would work then he shouldn't question it. At the same time, the fact that his father was so certain the plan would succeed set him on edge. Why hadn't this option been used before? What sort of contingencies had his father prepared for? Why was headquarters built around this Angel? What was the Adam thing that Kaji had mentioned to him? Where and what was that Adam thing Kaji'd mentioned anyway? Had Kaji just been lying to him? How many more secrets were there hidden at NERV?

He supposed he could wait until later to find out...

Misato stood with her arms folded, a deep scowl on her face. The unspoken truth and unraveled deceptions that seemed to permeate the very fabric of NERV weighed heavy on her mind. Though she was glad that there was a way to destroy the Angel while it was still in orbit and therefore rescue Rei and Asuka the lies she'd been told regarding Adam were eating at her. As she'd told Commander Ikari, she'd been led to believe that should an Angel or an Eva come into contact with it that could mean the Third Impact. The fact that he'd ordered Unit 01 down to Terminal Dogma anyway and hadn't even acknowledged her protests determined that the hypothesis she'd held was in fact false. What else was NERV keeping from her? She couldn't help but wonder... if this sort of thing wouldn't cause the Third impact, what kind of event managed to trigger the Second Impact?

She glanced over at Ritsuko, who was looking at the displays of Rei and Asuka's mind waves or whatever they were with a troubled expression. That was right, she hadn't backed her up when she'd shot her mouth off to Commander Ikari... "Hey, Ritsuko," she spoke, unable to keep the frustration an discontent out of her voice.

Ritsuko looked up with a very sobering expression. "Yes?" she responded.

"Did you know that it would be fine to let Unit 01 go down there?" Misato asked with a frown.

Ritsuko looked downward, her eyebrows knitting up. "I did..." she returned softly.

Misato's eyes narrowed. Of course she would know such a thing and never find it pertinent to tell her about it. Just like everyone else at NERV, Ritsuko enjoyed keeping her secrets, even from her supposed friends. "You're the worst..." she muttered under her breath.

Before Ritsuko had a chance to respond, Lt. Ibuki turned around in her seat. "Shinji needs to hurry up!" she cried. "We're passing the limits of Unit 00 and Unit 02's life support system!"

Ritsuko immediately snapped back to face the junior officer. "Is there anything more we can do?" she asked.

Lt. Ibuki shook her head. "No, we've got at most ten minutes left..." she responded fearfully.

"No need to worry, Unit 01 is reaching the surface now," Lt. Hyuga stated.

"Beginning calculations for weapons release on target," Lt. Aoba declared, typing away at his station.

Misato turned her gaze to the central display screen as Unit 01 came into focus, rising from one of the access ports leading to the geofront like some kind of mythic champion with a huge spear in its hand. The lance it carried was red and almost twice as long as Unit 01 was tall, ending in a pair of tips that twisted into a double helix which became the shaft. So this was the Lance of Longinus, the device that had been found in the antarctic which had been used to restrain Adam. It still seemed like a fools hope for Unit 01 to be able to throw it into space to kill the Angel, but then again, she'd seen stranger things...

All that was certain was that she was going to carry on Kaji's work and wishes to find out the truth about everything that was really going on at NERV...

The lift bringing him to the surface ended its travel with a lurch, causing Unit 01 to shudder. Shinji clutched the red spear his Eva carried tightly, looking skyward, following the beam of light stretching toward the heavens. Clouds had rolled in and so he couldn't see his enemy but he knew it was still up there... He certainly had his doubts that this spear or whatever the heck it was would be able to reach the target, let alone destroy it. How on earth was it possible for an Eva to throw something into space? As strong as the Evas were, it seemed impossible...

He grit his teeth. Regardless of whether it worked or not he had to try. It was the only way that he could save Asuka and Rei. "Don't hesitate..." he muttered to himself, echoing his father's words some minutes ago to steady himself.

"Are you in position?" his father's voice crackled over the radio.

"Yes," he replied quietly, his eyes fixed where the beam of light pierced the cloud cover. "I'm in position and ready to engage..."

"Alright," his father returned. "Switch back the normal frequency. The bridge crew will direct you."

"Yes father..." he replied. He then adjusted adjusted the radio as instructed. Within seconds the clamor of the bridge technicians began to fill his cockpit.

"Beginning target acquisition," Lt. Aoba spoke. "Entering compensation parameters for range, altitude, and the curvature of the earth."

"Target is locked," Lt. Hyuga stated. "Error corrections have been made."

"Beginning final countdown to release," Lt. Ibuki declared. "Ten..."

Shinji steeled himself as the indicators on his heads up display displayed all the aforementioned information coming from the bridge. This was it. He was going to do this. He had to do this...

"Nine... Eight..."

He brought the spear over his Evagelion's shoulder.

"Seven... Six..."

His Eva's legs bent at the knees. He could almost feel it in his own body, how Unit 01 was tensing up like a coil spring.

"Five... Four..."

He gripped the control sticks in his cockpit and grit his teeth. Why did it feel like time was slowing down? Didn't time slow down before some kind of disaster happened?

"Three... Two..."

He grit his teeth. He couldn't think about that. He had to focus. He couldn't hesitate. If he hesitated then Rei and Asuka could die. He grit his teeth and prepared to throw. That was the only thing in the world that mattered at the moment, simply throwing the spear...

"One... Zero!"

The instant Lt. Ibuki said that Shinji lunged forward. The spear began to coil around itself until the twin ends became one. He took two running steps and hurled it with all his strength. It glowed red as it rocketed toward the heavens at a speed that seemed impossible and when it reached the clouds the Mach wave it generated literally blew them apart. The sight left him sitting in his cockpit in a state of complete an utter awe... but it didn't last. The anxiety he felt regarding Rei and Asuka's situation remained along with the newfound suspicions and concerns regarding NERV as a whole...

He slumped back in his seat and ran a hand through his hair, trying to steady himself and breathe. He supposed it was all out of his control. All he could do was wait and hope the spear would hit and kill the Angel...

Gendo tensely watched from his perch on the top level of the bridge as the readings from radar and satellite imagery on the lance's trajectory flashed on the central display. His son had performed perfectly but it wasn't over yet. It was still another twenty or so seconds until the lance would make contact with the Fifteenth Angel...

No one on the bridge spoke as the satellite feed on the display picked up the lance sailing through space. In seconds it made contact with the Angel's A.T. Field. Rippled of white orange waved appeared and the lance seemed to stop for a moment before violently pushing forward and ripping through the field. Half a second later it blew through the Angel's core and the Angel disintegrated in a swirling flash of light. Only then did he breathe a sigh of relief. It was over and everyone was safe. his pilots were safe... his kids were safe...

"Target annihilated," Lt. Aoba stated.

"Unit's 00 and 02 have been released," Lt. Ibuka added.

Fuyutsuki leaned forward over the railing beside him with a concerned expression. "I need a status update on the lance!" he shouted.

Lt. Hyuga turned around in his seat and looked up at the two of them. "The lance reached escape velocity," he replied. "It's now moving into a lunar orbit, sir."

Fuyutsuki frowned. "So it's impossible to recover then?" he pressed.

"Affirmative," Lt. Hyuga replied. "There are no methods available for recovering something of such size and mass."

The older man turned to him and Gendo met his gaze. "This cost us a great deal of time..." he stated quietly with a grave expression.

He didn't need to be told to know the gravity of the situation. "I know..." he replied softly. "But it was our only option. I stand by that."

"Let us hope our ghost can swing things in our favor in the time we have left..." Fuyutsuki stated darkly.

Yes, he would certainly get in touch with Kaji very soon, but presently he had more important issues to oversee. He stood up from his seat. "Major Katsuragi," he called out. "Handle the rest."

"Yes sir..." came her response.

With that he turned around and started head for the exit to the bridge. "Where are you going?" Fuyutsuki inquired.

Gendo halted his stride and shot Fuyutsuki a glance over his shoulder. "What else?" he responded. "I'm going to see my children."

With that, he stalked off of the bridge.

The readings from Unit 00 and Unit 02 were flowing in and Misato watched as the technicians processed them. Radio contact with the pilots had yet to be established due to both Units having been deactivated during the battle to offer some kind of buffer against the Angel's attack, though how effective that had been awaited to be seen. She felt horrible for both of them. She could only imagine what it was like to have someone literally pry into and violate one's mind. Though the battle had increased her level of suspicion surrounding the organization she worked for, right now she was simply glad it was over...

"Unit 02 and Unit 00's psycho-graph readings returning to normal," Lt. Ibuki stated.

"Shall we prepare to return them to the cages?" Hyuga asked, turning around in his seat with a concerned expression.

Misato nodded. "Yeah, bring them back," she replied, but that wasn't her main concern. "What's the status of the pilots?"

"We've confirmed that they're both alive," Hyuga returned. "Should we quarantine them until we assess the possible contamination?"

Misato frowned deeply. That was a major risk that needed to be assessed. After what those two had gone through she hated to isolate them further... but if there were mental contamination from the Angel that could pose a danger to them and others. "Yeah..." she replied with a heavy heart.

Silence hung heavy in the room for a moment Ritsuko began to walk toward the exit of the bridge, the sound of her heels clicking on the tile floor reverberating across the cavernous room. Misato's gaze followed her. "Where are you going?" she asked.

Ritsuko turned around with a somber expression. "To the surface," she replied soberly. "I might as well start the assessments as soon as I can..."

Misato understood what she was trying to say. "You're concerned about them too... aren't you?" she murmured.

Ritsuko nodded. "I am..." she replied before turning around and heading for the door once again.

Misato watched her go until the doors shut behind her. Her lips contorted into a bitter scowl. She should be going up there too... but she still had a command center to run. She wanted to be there right now for Shinji, Rei, and Asuka... but duty came first. She couldn't help but wonder just how much more strain was going to be put on those poor kids before the Angels were all gone. She wondered if she could ever find the words to tell them how grateful for all the sacrifices those three had made...

The moment that Unit 01 returned to the cages, Shinji rushed through the deactivation sequence and disembarked from the plug before heading to the nearest elevator that would bring him to the surface. Heck, he didn't even bother going to change out of his plug suit. Going topside and seeing Rei and Asuka was far more important than a change of clothes...

Even now, he still felt axious, perhaps more now than he had during the battle. He needed to see his friends, to make sure they were alright. Until he did he couldn't relax. He had to know that they were alright...

He bit his lip and frowned as he turned the corner into another hallway as he tried for the nearest elevator. What was he going to say to them when he saw them? What would he say to Asuka when he saw her? Would he be able to say anything? Would he be able to offer any kind of comfort for her or would she just push him away the way she usually did? More importantly... what should he say to Rei when he saw her? He wanted to run to her, to throw his arms around her, hug her tight and let her know that he was there for her, that he cared about her... but the thought of doing so made him so very nervous. He wanted to confess. He wanted to tell her exactly how he felt about her, because heaven knew how much longer he'd have to do so. He'd almost lost her today... but he just couldn't do it. Considering the mental ordeal she'd probably experienced it just wouldn't be right to tell her now. Even if she accepted his feelings, the idea of telling her made him feel like an opportunist creep, but it was clear to him that he had to say something soon...

When her reached the elevator breathed a heavy sigh, trying to quell that debate for a moment. He supposed all of that could wait, just like much of the questions he had for his father regarding the monster in the basement... but when the elevator opened all those questions came roaring back to the forefront of his mind.

His father was standing there in the elevator...

Shinji stiffened up momentarily but steeled himself and stepped inside regardless. He turned around to face the door, positioning himself at his father's side, unsure of what to say. How could he even begin any kind of conversation after what he'd just seen and done at his father's behest... all he could do was bow his head and stand there awkwardly.

The seconds ticked by agonizingly slow. The tension in the tiny confines of the elevator was so thick it was hard to breathe. Shinji shifted on his feet and focused on the clicking of the floor indicator as the lift continued its slow ascent. He was at a total loss for words even though there was so much he wanted to say...

"You did well today, Shinji," his father spoke evenly, breaking the silence. "I hope you know that."

Shinji wasn't sure how to react. "Oh, uh... thank you..." he returned timidly. Silence fell once again as the inquiries swirled in his mind. After a moment he couldn't contain them. "C- can I ask you a question?" he stammered, finally turning his head and looking up at his father.

His father glanced down at him and nodded with an unreadable expression. "You may," he replied.

Shinji looked down at his feet, the image of the giant in the basement burning in his mind's eye. "How... how come no one ever told me about the Second Angel?" he asked nervously. "How come you never told me we had that spear?"

His father bowed his head slightly. "It wasn't necessary for you to perform your duties," he replied, his tone a bit more subdued than normal. "There was no other reason..."

It made sense from a military standpoint but he still didn't like it. "Oh..." Shinji returned. "I see..."

Another pensive silence fell between them until his father spoke again. "I assume you're headed to the surface to see your friends, yes?" he inquired.

Shinji nodded. He supposed it was kinda obvious considering he'd not bothered to change his clothing. "I am," he replied.

He could have sworn he saw his father's lip twitch upward for just a moment. "Your loyalty and kindness toward them is very noble," his father replied. "I'm sure Rei and Soryu appreciate you..."

Shinji nodded, smiling for a moment. It felt... good to have earned his father's praise, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. He'd noticed that the elevator was going to the same floor he was headed to and he had to know what his father was heading up as well. "Th- thank you, father..." he replied. "Why are you going up though?"

His father frowned and looked downward. "I have similar concerns," he returned. "I wish to ensure that my ward is unharmed."

That took him a bit off guard. He knew that his father was referring to Rei but he'd never shown any kind of concern for her in the past, well... other than the story he'd heard of when he'd pulled her from the plug during her accident before he'd come to Tokyo 3. He supposed it was a good thing though, though it didn't make up for him housing her in the dismal living space she resided in... "I see..." he murmured softly. "That's nice of you..."

Silence fell between the two of them once again. There was so much hanging in the air unspoken but Shinji couldn't find the words. He didn't dare ask, but he couldn't help but wonder just how many secrets his father kept. The desire to know burned hot but he simply couldn't bring himself to pry...

Rei sat on the pavement before Unit 00, her knees tucked into her chin, curled up in a ball. She'd barely noticed the hazmat suited recovery crew putting down caution tape around her after she'd disembarked from Unit 00. She understood that they were trying to quarantine her in case of mental contamination but she couldn't bring herself to care about any of that. The vision's she'd experienced under the Angel's mental assault preoccupied her too much to care...

She closed her eyes tight and tried her best to push the horrible thoughts she'd confronted during those minutes or hours she'd been trapped in that awful beam of light out of her mind. The Angel had attacked her where it hurt most, her insecurities, and the worst part of it was the truth of it all. She had lied to everyone. She'd built a web of deception surrounding herself regarding all of her friends and the fact that it might all come tumbling down soon frightened her to her core. The possibility of that utterly and truly terrified her, but how could she extricate herself from that web without being hurt or rejected in the process? She hoped it was possible, but realistically she couldn't help but feel it wasn't possible. The thought of that, that she might lose everyone and everything she cared about if she tried was so incredibly painful...

"Rei, are you alright?" a familiar baritone voice shook her from her thoughts and made her flinch.

She turned around and stood up on instinct. At the edge of the caution taped barrier separating them by a few meters stood Commander Ikari with Shinji at his side, both of them looking at her with concerned expressions. It felt strange seeing the commander looking at her with such concern and seeing Shinji looking at her with such pity and concern when she'd spent so much time lying to him made her want to pull into herself and hide... "I will be fine..." she replied, crossing her arms and looking at her feet. "At least, I think so..."

There was a moment of pause before Commander Ikari spoke again. "Your actions were very reckless, Rei... but I understand why you reacted as you did," he stated soberly. Shinji remained silent.

Rei nodded. She was glad that he understood, or at least that he was trying to make her feel a bit better about what she'd done, that she failed. "I should have been more cautious..." she murmured quietly.

"Indeed you should have," Commander Ikari replied. "But that does not detract from the valiant intent."

Rei lifted her gaze and met his. He was... smiling, softly. It made her smile softly in response. Yes... at least he really had changed. She was so glad that her fears that he might still attempt to use her to initiate the end of the world were most likely unfounded... "Thank you, sir..."

He nodded. "Alright then, I'll be going now. Take care, Rei," he replied evenly. With that he turned on his heel and left.

She watched as Shinji turned around, watching his father walk away for a moment before looking to his left and right as if to make sure no one was looking at him He then under the caution tape barrier between the two of them and hurried over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. She flinched at the touch. Even though she wanted him close, even though she wanted that and so much more, the visions and words she'd endured today... it made her want to push him away to save herself, and perhaps both of them, that future heartache. "Are you sure you're alright?" he asked.

She bit her lip and looked down. He somehow had a way of getting her to admit what she was feeling even if she didn't want to... "I don't know... I hope I will be. The things I saw... I'd rather not think about them," she replied softly. At least that was a truthful statement...

He let go of her shoulders and nodded. "What did it do to you?" he asked pensively. "From what I understand it was trying to invade your mind and Asuka's..."

Rei flinched and pulled her arms around herself, digging her fingers into her upper arms. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to think about it... but she couldn't hide from him. She wouldn't hide from him. "It was terrifying..." she murmured, her voice coming out shaky and thin. "It... it dug into my worst memories and fears..."

Shinji regarded her with a shocked and sympathetic expression. "That sounds horrible..." he returned softly.

Rei nodded. "It was... I don't want to talk about it... I want to forget it ever happened," she replied just above a whisper. She really did want to forget about it... but she knew that wouldn't be possible. How could one ever forget an experience like that? No wonder Asuka had been in such rough shape in the original world.

Well... she supposed she'd probably be just the same in this one now too...

She bit her lip and she shut her eyes as tears began to sting them. How could she have failed? She felt so powerless, so worthless. No matter what it really did seem like she couldn't change anything... "I'm so tired of things going wrong..." she whimpered. "It hurts so much..."

A moment or two passed and she felt Shinji's arms wrap around her. "Rei, it's okay," he replied softly, tenderly, his mouth right beside her ear. "In the end you're alive, you and Asuka are both alive, and that's what matters. I'm here for you..."

She stood there shuddering, trying her best to choke back the tears, and even though she wanted to she couldn't bring herself to embrace him back. "Thank you..." she whimpered into his shoulder.

He pulled away from her but kept his hands on her shoulders and she opened her eyes to look at him. He was wearing a small smile but his eyes showed the empathy and second hand sadness he had for her. It was one of those smiles that people did when they're trying to make someone else feel better. "I'm here for you," he restated. "I really am..."

Rei smiled back in spite of herself, wiping the tears from her eyes. He was always so kind and understanding... that was just one of the things she loved about him. "I know..." she replied softly. "You always have been..."

He let go of her shoulders and stepped back, shifting on his feet awkwardly. "Alright..." he returned. "I'm gonna go check on Asuka and see if she's alright. I'll see you again soon, okay?"

That compassion and concern he had was yet another thing she adored about him. "Okay," she replied. "See you soon..."

With that he turned around and dashed toward where Unit 02 was being recovered some blocks away, leaving her once again stewing in her own thoughts. Maybe the Angel had been wrong... maybe she could actually trust him with her secrets and he wouldn't reject her. If everyone else did she could move on, but if he didn't then she could keep going. One way or another she had to tell him the truth... because if he found out on his own then he would probably never forgive her, and she couldn't keep all her feelings and fears and secrets to herself forever...

Deep down, she knew that things were going to change, and probably for the worse...

Asuka sat on the concrete of the street watching as Unit 02 was slowly lowered through the catapult directly in front of her. She couldn't believe what she'd just been though, the Angel prying into the depths of her past and her pain... she felt violated. That evil creature had pried into things she'd never wanted to share with anyone or for that matter think about ever again. In a way she was somewhat thankful that she was being quarantined, sectioned off behind a stupid tape barrier, until the so called risk of contamination or whatever was assessed. She didn't want to be around people. She wanted to be left alone...

She tucked her knees to her chin and grit her teeth, shutter her eye tight. Even worse than that was that she'd failed once again in combat, which no doubt that her days as a pilot were numbered. She'd had to be rescued and that stupid invincible Shinji had been the one to kill the Angel when it should have been her. She hated it. She hated feeling so weak and inadequate. Worst of all, if she lost her position as the pilot of Unit 02... what did she have left? Her thoughts drifted to Kaworu... yeah, she at least had him to vent to if she needed someone to talk to. That was something, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to make up for potentially losing her identity...

An identity she'd constructed for herself just to hide her pain and trauma...

She understood that but she didn't want to change. Facing that horrible shit in her past was just too painful. How could she even remake herself anyway? No one wanted her, no one cared about her, no one needed her... the only thing that had made people like and respect her was Eva, and that was probably going to be ripped from her soon. She hated this feeling. She hated herself for being so pathetic and weak. It would have been better if she'd simply died out there fighting the Angel...

"Asuka... are you alright?" a voice called out meekly behind her.

She bristled, digging her fingers into her shoulders. It was Shinji, exactly the last person she wanted to be seeing right now. "Get away from me..." she growled.

There was a pause before he spoke again. "I know you just dealt with a lot," he continued. "Rei already told me the kind of things the Angel could do... I'm sorry..."

That made her see red but she still refused to turn around and face him. Her pride wouldn't allow her to look at him. Of course he would go see her first, she was just an afterthought to him and always had been... "Don't you dare be sorry for me..." she hissed.

There was another short pause. "Asuka, I'm concerned about you. You haven't been yourself lately and I care about you," he spoke in a timid whisper. She felt his hand rest on her shoulder. "I'm here for you..."

She bolted to her feet and whipped around, swatting his hand away. "I said get the fuck away from me!" she roared.

He looked shocked, standing there with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open. "I j- just w- want you to be okay..." he stammered out.

She turned her back to him and stalked away before sitting back down, putting a few meters of distance between the two of them. She wanted to calm down but she couldn't. The words spilled out even though she desperately wanted them not to. It made her feel even more weak and pathetic... "As if I could be okay after everything!" she screamed, once again digging her fingers into her shoulders. "How could it get any worse!? I lost again! You, of all people, you had to be the one to rescue me! I would have rather died than be saved by anyone, especially you! If it keeps up they'll take away Unit 02 and what hell will I do then, huh!? I fucking hate this! I hate you, Shinji! I hate everything!"

Author's notes

This update is now officially the longest chapter in the entire run of the story thus far, so that is part of the reason it took so long to produce. It also should give a pretty good indication of the direction and tone the story will be taking from here on out. The idea of Rei being caught in the beam was one I knew I had to capitalize on from the inception of the story. In a lot of ways this arc is the one that I've been looking forward to most since I began writing this tale.

I'll have to admit that the scenes of psychological torture that both Asuka and Rei were enjoyable to compose but extremely difficult to get right. I spent numerous days trying to nail the exact shade of hopelessness. Gendo's scenes were fun as always and I can't wait to show you where I plan to take the Kaji and Fujita plot. There is still quite a bit left until the conclusion... but it is fast approaching.

Thank you all for your continued support. In recent days I've been having quite a time in my personal life so it's been difficult to write and the pace I'd prefer, but I've said that before. Still, knowing that this story is being enjoyed makes it worth it and I appreciate your patience and acceptance.

Please read and review!

Regards,

A.F.