Chapter 51 – Prisons Of Anxiety

It was late in the evening. Kaji lay atop the covers of the hotel room bed in the room he and Fujita had rented in Tokyo 2, smoking a cigarette and staring up at the ceiling in an attempt to relax that was made futile by Fujita's incessant pacing by the window. Then again, he understood fully why he was anxious. They were about to put the next phase of their contingency plan into motion...

Fujita halted his pacing and heaved a sigh. "So... are you going to put that thing out and get ready to go?" he asked.

Kaji took another puff off the cigarette and snubbed it in the glass ashtray on the bedside table. "Sure..." he replied with a frown. "I suppose we get this over with. The sooner we do the closer we get to phase two..."

"Indeed," Fujita returned with a matching scowl. "This is the easy part... phase two is where shit gets heavy..."

Kaji stood up from the bed and adjusted his tie before throwing on a black hooded sweatshirt he'd recently purchased. "Well... let's go then..." he stated quietly. "We're short on time..."

Fujita said nothing, he only nodded and moved toward the door.

The two of them left the hotel and hit the streets of Tokyo 2. Fujita led the way as he was more familiar with these streets than he was. Kaji kept the hood of his sweatshirt up and his eyes on a swivel as the two of them passed underneath the streetlights as evening turned to dusk. Considering PSIA headquarters was in this city, it wouldn't bode well if he were to run into any old coworkers. A dead man seen among the living would cause nothing but trouble...

As what had become the norm, Fujita had also chosen the location for their clandestine rendezvous with the individual Fujita had arranged for them to meet. This time though, it wasn't some seedy Yakuza or Bosozoku bar, rather a cybercafe this time around. It made sense, considering the person they were set to meet, but it was a welcome reprieve. There was only so much of the seedy underbelly of Japan that he could stand before feeling like he regressing back to his street urchin youth.

By the time the two of them reached their destination the sun had completely disappeared over the horizon. Kaji followed Fujita inside the dimly lit cafe. There were only a few people in the building and the soft sounds of eighties city pop were playing on the overhead speakers. Kaji wanted to relax and enjoy the atmosphere but there was no time for that. They had to meet their contact and get going before any unfriendly eyes spotted them.

The pair reached the very back of the cafe. In the last booth was a wiry looking man with rather thick glasses and a serious expression, sitting with a laptop, typing furiously. He didn't seem to notice the two of them circling behind him. Once they stood behind him Kaji could get a look at his screen. He knew nothing of programming, but whatever this man was doing on the computer's command prompt seemed less than savory... "Hinazuki-san..." Fujita spoke softly.

The man didn't react at all to Fujita's words. He simply kept typing.

Fujita spoke again, this time a bit firmer. "Subaru-kun..." he said.

Once again, the man on the laptop said absolutely nothing and kept typing away.

"Subaru!" Fujita hissed.

Yet again, no reaction or break in the seated man's concentration.

That seemed to really get under Fujita's skin. "Hey!" he bellowed, jutting a hand out and snapping his fingers in front of the man's face.

That seemed to finally get the man's attention. His fingers stopped moving and he breathed a heavy sigh. "I heard you the first time, Tetsuo," turning his head to the side to regard the two of them with a scowl. "Can you blame me for wanting to finish my program while I'm on a roll?"

"I apologize," Fujita replied flatly, clearly not meaning it. "My friend and I are pressed for time and it's best we keep this as brief as possible. Besides, I'm sure the powers that be won't like your moonlighting being discovered..."

Kaji watched as the man, presumably named Subaru Hinazuki, locked eyes with him. "Who's your friend?" he asked.

"Kintaro Oe," Kaji responded, not missing a beat.

Hinazuki scoffed. "Golden Boy?" he returned with an incredulous look. "Are you serious?"

He supposed that he should have thought of a better alias, but Fujita waved a hand in front of Hinazuki's face before Kaji had a chance to respond. "Hello," he snapped. "Didn't I just say we're short on time?"

Hinazuki rolled his eyes and stood up, closing his laptop. "Follow me..." he stated, heading toward the back entrance of the cafe.

Kaji and Fujita followed him out into the alleyway behind the shop. Hinazuki pulled a cigarette pack out of his pocket, produced a smoke, and lit it, folding his arms as he took a puff. "You know, it's kinda rude not to introduce me..." he stated with a scowl, the cigarette clenched between his crooked teeth. "You could at least do that before talking shop..."

Fujita rolled his eyes. "Kaji, this is Subaru Hinazuki, DIH Cyberspace Security Specialist," he said, clearly on the verge of losing his patience. It would seem that the DIH agent had a rather contentious relationship with this man. "Hinazuki, Ryouji Kaji. We happy now?"

Hinazuki's eyes widened. "Kaji? The PSIA agent who was supposedly killed inside the NERV geofront?" he responded incredulously.

Kaji winced. Did Fujita really have to put him on the spot like this? It was quite unprofessional... but then again, he got the feeling that Hinazuki was good at keeping secrets. "It's a long story..." he stated softly.

"One that we don't have time for," Fujita snapped. "Now do you have them, or not?"

Hinazuki nodded and pulled out the items the two of them had arranged to receive, a pair of security clearance cards for the Ministry Of Defense building... "These will get you through the main entrance and give you access to the upper levels," he grumbled, handing them to Fujita. "You have no idea how difficult it was to forge the data necessary. Now... payment."

Fujita reached into his jacket and produced a large wad of bills. "One million, four hundred twenty one thousand yen," he replied, placing the stack in the computer engineer's palm. "Pleasure doing business with you..."

Hinazuki stuffed the wad of cash in his coat and adjusted his glassed before taking another puff from his cigarette, holding it between his fingers. He waved it back and forth as he looked the two of them over. "You know, I usually don't ask what my side clients are doing..." he whispered, a deep, concerned from taking shape on his angular features. "But what on earth do you need those ID's for and how come you're standing here beside a man who's supposed to be dead? Something doesn't smell right, Tetsuo..."

Fujita sighed. "Kaji-kun, you want to take this one?" he asked, turning his head to look at him with a frown.

Kaji thought on what to say for a moment before speaking. "Let's put it like this, Hinazuki-san... what do you know about NERV and the government's suspicion regarding them?" he asked.

Hinazuki shrugged. "I know that there's rumors about the commander, this Gendo Ikari, overstepping his bounds and making plays to undermine the authority of the Japanese government," he replied. "I know that there's been a fair amount of military build-up around Tokyo 3 because of it too. Not much else."

Kaji regarded him with a serious expression. "Whatever the government suspects, we have reason to believe it's false information designed to initiate an attack against NERV on behalf third party actors," he stated gravely. "We're working on preventing that."

Hinazuki's shocked expression spoke volumes. "How come you haven't gone to the PSIA with this information?" he inquired before turning to Fujita. "And you, what about the higher ups at the DIH?"

"I think it's safe to say that the three of us all know full well the amount of red tape and bureaucracy involved," Fujita stated bitterly. "I've filed a report, but it could take months before anyone takes it seriously."

"And I have reason to believe we have far too little time for the official channels to work as they should," Kaji added for effect.

Hinazuki took another puff on his cigarette and tossed it to the ground, stomping on it with a frown. "What about our friend, Shikishima?" he inquired.

"That proved to be a dead end..." Fujita muttered darkly.

Hinazuki sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Alright... I'll let you do your thing. Whatever it is you have planned, it's probably better for my health if I don't know..." he replied quietly, glancing up and down the alleyway. "Did anyone see you on your walk here?"

"No," Kaji replied evenly. "We wouldn't be here right now if anyone had."

"Come on, Subaru, do you really think we're that stupid?" Fujita scoffed. "I'm a fucking field agent, in case you've forgotten. I know when I've grown a tail..."

"Yeah," Hinazuki scoffed. "You're a field agent, in other words a dumb-ass with a gun who gets sent to screw around places smart people like me are wise enough not to mess around in. You're lucky I own the camera feeds around this building..."

Fujita snorted. "Oh, I'm a dumb-ass with a gun? So says the guy who wanted oh so bad to be in with the raiders when the two of us were scrapping for food on the streets fourteen years ago!" he retorted with a sneer before cocking a fist as if to strike the wiry man. "You still owe me for wrecking my motorbike the one time you took it out when we were kids, ya dick! You know what? Give me my fucking money back!"

Hinazuki recoiled, pressing up against the brick facade at his back. "No," he countered, his voice now small and timid. "It's government money anyway, and the two of you paid me fair and square. I did what you asked me to so now I'll leave well enough alone. Just... get out of here before anyone sees you here! This meeting never happened... Now get the fuck away from me..."

"Gladly..." Fujita snarled, pivoting on his heel and walking away down the alleyway, fists balled at his side.

Kaji spared his comrade a glance before smiling sheepishly at Hinazuki. He hadn't asked about it before this moment, but he could clearly tell that there was a long history between the computer tech and Fujita... "It was a pleasure to meet you, for what it's worth," he stated with a polite nod.

Hinazuki rolled his eyes. "Just get the fuck out of here, ghost..." he grumbled, turning and heading back to the cybercafe's rear entrance, opening the door, and stepping inside.

Kaji turned and jogged down the alley to form up on Fujita's side. The DIH agent still wore a scowl and was muttering some things under his breath. He couldn't help but pry... "I take it that you and Hinazuki go way back..." he murmured quietly.

Fujita sighed and shook his head. "You could say that," he replied bitterly. "We were in the same group of roving, homeless kids in the wake of Second Impact... I'm sure you know how it can be..."

Kaji's smirk fell away as he remembered what happened to his brother and friends. "Yeah, I do..." he replied.

The two of them continued their trek in silence for several blocks. "So..." Fujita spoke up. "So begins phase two..."

Kaji nodded. "Indeed..." he replied. "So begins phase two..."

Fujita laughed wryly. "Scoping things out is gonna be dicey..." he muttered. "Makes me wish I was in your shoes; a ghost..."

Kaji nodded again, saying nothing. Indeed... things were going to get very tense going forward, especially with how little time they had left...

Ritsuko sat atop Gendo's desk, smoothing out her skirt and adjusting her blouse, both consumed with the afterglow and the gravity of what she'd just done. To think that she'd actually confessed to him, to think that the two of them had actually allowed each other to be honest with one another to think that the two of them had just finished having sex... it was somewhat surreal. Out of the corner of her eye she watched as Gendo buckled his belt and sat down in his chair, breathing a heavy sigh, running a hand through his hair. "That was... I'm sorry if I pushed you..." she murmured, unable to look him in the eye. It was all she could think to say. "I'm sorry if it's too much all at once..."

He shook his head, his head down, staring at his knees. "It's understandable..." he muttered quietly. "I'm sorry if I... took advantage..."

Ritsuko felt heat in her cheeks, like some third year schoolgirl after doing the deed with their childhood sweetheart... "No..." she replied, fastening the last button of her blouse. "I pushed you... It's okay..."

He placed his forehead in his palm and breathed a heavy sigh, reclining back to that if his eyes weren't obscured he'd be staring at the ceiling. "As if that makes this any easier..." he grumbled.

Ritsuko frowned and felt a distinct sense of emptiness fill her heart. Even now, after what they'd done, he still seemed so distant. It filled her with a slight pang of regret... "So... where do we go from here?" she asked.

"I don't know..." he replied quietly, still refusing to look at her. "If I did, I would have said something already..."

Ritsuko frowned. Considering how guarded he was, she supposed this was probably the best she'd get out of him in the moment. Still, it was enough. It didn't exclude the possibility that the two of them could actually have something beyond mere physical intimacy... "What comes next then?" she asked somberly.

Gendo once again breathed a sigh as he fastened his belt and stared up at the ceiling with a dour expression. "In regards to what, Dr. Akagi?" he inquired.

She could see his pain, it was written all over his face. Still, it hurt that he still, even after what they'd just done, wouldn't use her name... She stood up and adjusted her lab coat. "Everything," she returned flatly. "Whatever seems important."

There was a pause before he spoke again. "The Fifth Child will be selected tomorrow..." he stated quietly, still unable or unwilling to look at her.

Risuko's eyes widened and her lips parted in surprise. Of all the things he could have said, she was not expecting that. Well, she was expecting that the Fifth Child would be selected soon, but she wasn't expecting him to bring that up at the present moment, not after what they'd just done. Then again, she supposed it was just his way of getting things back to business. It was probably quite overwhelming, all the things she'd just dumped on him and he, like her, wasn't the greatest with emotion. "I see..." she muttered in response. "I assume I'll be advised on the candidates?

"No," Gendo replied. "I'm sure that the body that oversees NERV has already made a final selection..."

Again, this was information that she already knew, but he had no way of knowing that. She supposed that telling him she knew wouldn't make a difference. In fact it would probably make things worse... "Very well then..." she replied, leaning back against his desk.

Another passage of choking silence took shape around the two of them. Ritsuko bit her lip and cast her gaze to the floor as her thoughts turned back to what the two of them had done. To think that she'd slipped back into talking about work so easily. Was that really how she was? Was this... really how it was going to be? She didn't want... this, whatever this was, what they'd just done, to be a moment of passing weakness or a fleeting gasp of passion. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about what we just did?" she asked meekly.

He glanced at her for a moment before returning his gaze to the ceiling, his scowl deeper than ever. "What good would it do?" he answered, his voice hushed, vulnerable like she seldom heard it. "In a short while it may not even matter..."

Her brow furrowed. Once again his walls were going up. It seemed even with her confession and what they'd done it still wasn't enough to break them down fully. Perhaps she'd made a mistake. Perhaps there truly was no space in Gendo's heart for her to fill... "It matters to me..." she pressed, even in her emotional state picking up on his veiled reference to SEELE's plans. "And what do you mean in a short while?"

"It's... complicated..." he responded cryptically. "The Human Instrumentality Project will most likely be set into motion soon after the final Angel is destroyed..."

Even though she knew what it was thanks to Rei, she wanted to hear him say it... "And what is the Human Instrumentality Project?" she asked.

His gaze remained fixed on the ceiling. "Something dreamed up by a bunch of foolish old men," he returned bitterly. "Something that will supposedly complete mankind but in reality is no different than ritual suicide... or genocide."

That was probably the most truthful and terrifying way to describe it... "How can I help stop it?" she asked. "Isn't that what you want to do?"

He closed his eyes. "I don't know..." he returned. "I've set a plan in motion but I have no guarantee of success. Soon we may be forced to fight against humanity itself to survive..."

"Man's greatest enemy is man himself..." she muttered before gritting her teeth and shaking her head. No! She knew all this already, she didn't need it explained! She needed to know if their entanglement from earlier was a mistake! She cursed herself for letting him so easily guide the conversation... "Can you look at me?"

He turned to face her, his face unreadable but devoid of that usual coldness he projected, saying nothing, as if waiting for her to continue speaking.

Him looking at her like that, like he was just as lost as she was caused any anger or upset within her to vanish, replaced by a profound sense of longing, emptiness... She turned her head away, unable to look him in the eye. "Did this... what we did... did it mean anything?" she whispered softly.

He said nothing for quite a while, filling her with both anxiety and sadness. Her heart was beating fast. She was about to turn and storm out of his office when he finally did speak. "It's all a bit much..." he spoke, cryptic as ever. "I... I have a lot to think about..."

Ritsuko closed her eyes and drew a deep breath to slow her heart rate. It was a non-answer and yet it wasn't. She too was more confused now that the deed was done that before their intimate encounter. "I understand..." she murmured in response, turning to leave. "I'll let you do that then..."

She stepped away from his desk and headed for the door. Gendo's silence stabbed at her soul. By the time she reached the door to his office she was on the verge of tears. However, just as she placed her hand on the door to open it he called out to her. "I'm not... ruling out any possibilities... if that what you're assuming..." he spoke out slowly but firmly.

Instantly Ritsuko felt her heart yanked back from the precipice of despair. A ghost of a smile wormed its way onto her lips even as a tear slid from her eye. Even if the situation between them was ambiguous, it wasn't a rejection. She'd accept it for now... "Take care of yourself, Commander Ikari..." she murmured before exiting his office and closing the door behind her.

She popped a cigarette between her lips and lit it as she traversed the black hallways that would lead back to NERV proper even though smoking was prohibited outside of offices and lounges. She didn't care. She needed something to calm herself and distract from the whirlwind of emotion churning in her gut. The gravity of the wider situation around her was setting in on top of the ambiguous conclusion of her tryst with Gendo. Tomorrow Nagisa would be selected as a pilot and then it would only be a matter of time before he either enacted SEELE's will or was able to circumvent it. She supposed she should update Rei as to the situation. Then again, she should probably just reach out to Rei and make sure she was alright. The poor girl had been a mess when they'd gone their separate ways after leaving Terminal Dogma...

Eventually she made it back to her office and sat down at her desk, completely drained from the day that she'd had. She lit up another cigarette and rested her head in her palm, absently puffing away to quell her anxieties, breathing more smoke than air with each breath. It was all coming to a head, she knew it. Sooner or later there would be no time for anything to change. If she didn't do something to help move things along then it might mean the end of the world...

But what could she really do?

She breathed a heavy sigh and snubbed the cigarette before laying her head atop her forearms, hiding her face from the world. She supposed this was how Rei felt all the time. No wonder the poor girl had become such a jumpy, shaking mess in recent months. She could feel it, the weight of the world on her shoulders, and she didn't like it. It was too much to bear. To think that poor Rei had carried it alone for as long as she had before she'd discovered her secrets... it really showed that girl's inner strength.

"Senpai?" a voice called out from the door of her office.

Ritsuko snapped up instinctively and swiveled around in her chair to find Maya standing in the doorway. "Are you alright?" the young tech asked. "Is this a bad time?"

Ritsuko forced a smile and shook her head. "No, not at all," she replied. "I'm just a bit tired, that's all. What is it?"

Maya shifted on her feet and held up a clipboard, beginning to read off of it. "Due to Asuka's zero percent sync ratio... the Marduk institute will no longer recognize her as the Second Child," she stated nervously. "What do we do about this?"

It was happening already... heavens this was terrible... "I suppose we just see what the institute says..." she replied bitterly, a deep frown taking shape on her face.

Maya frowned as well. "Poor Asuka..." she replied. "This is really going to break her..."

Ritsuko nodded in response. "Yeah..." she replied. "I think you're right..."

Night had fallen already but she didn't care. Asuka had wandered the ruins of Tokyo 3 for hours after leaving NERV. She was too shell-shocked to stop moving but too full of angst and pride to go home. She didn't want to be alone and yet she wanted to run as far away from her problems as possible. She was at her personal nadir. There was nowhere lower to sink than where she was now...

"Zero percent..." she murmured to herself. "I can't even get it started..."

It was a bitter truth that she couldn't escape. She was no longer fit to be the pilot of Unit 02. She was no longer deserving of her status or her prestige. Without that what was she? She was just some girl... some foreign girl with bad manners in a land far from where she'd grown up. She was nothing. She was just a worthless piece of shit who didn't matter...

And soon enough she found herself outside Kaworu's apartment in spite of herself...

Why had she come here? Why had she gone to him of all people? Was it because he actually understood her, that he accepted her? Was it because she... she didn't want to think those words even if they were true... Either way, she found herself ringing the doorbell and mashing the button for the intercom to his unit. Besides, it wasn't like she had anywhere she'd rather be. Even her home felt less welcome than his place. "Kaworu..." she whimpered. "It's me, Asuka. Please... let me in..."

There was no response over the intercom...

Asuka stood there by the door to the complex, her body shaking as the emotions she was feeling began to overwhelm her. "Come on..." she whimpered, mashing the button once again. "Just open the goddamn door..."

Seconds passed and she was about to turn and leave but then the door opened and Kaworu stood there with a puzzled expression. "Hey, it's late," he said. "What are you doing here at this hour?"

She bowed her head, hiding her eyes behind her bangs. Was she really this desperate for someone to console her, showing up after dark to this boy's home just to lament her situation? Was she really that desperate for love and affection? Even if she'd admit to herself that she like him, loved him even, she hated herself for being so weak... "I... I can't pilot my Eva anymore..." she murmured softly.

He seemed to stiffen at those words. "I see..." he murmured sympathetically after a moment. "I'm sorry, Soryu-san..."

She winced at his response. It was so simple, so generic. It ignited a blaze of anger within her. "That's all you have to say about it?" she hissed through gritted teeth.

"I don't know what else to say..." he returned, barely above a whisper. "I... I know that being a pilot was important to you. I know that losing that must be hard... I'm sorry..."

She balled her fists at her side and glared at him. "It wasn't just important to me!" she shouted, her eyes stinging and her vision getting blurry, panting heavily. It took every ounce of self control not to let the tears fall. "It was everything to me! It was the most important thing in the world to me! It was the only thing that made me fucking special!"

His brows furrowed and his lips curved down into a deep frown. "Don't say that..." he replied, simultaneously timidly and sincere. "That isn't what makes you special... at least not to me..."

Instantly her eyes went wide and heat began to flood her cheeks. Why did he somehow always know what to say to disarm her and get her heart racing? "Shut up..." she murmured, looking away.

"I mean it," he stated, his voice taking on a hint of that airy quality that he usually spoke in that she knew so well.

She wanted him to stop talking and yet she wanted to hear more... "Then what does?" she asked quietly in a hushed whisper.

There was a pause. "The fact that you're you..." he eventually responded.

It wasn't what she wanted to hear but it was definitely something she needed to hear. It was how he said stupid shit like that which had made her fall for him... "Thanks..." she murmured, hiding her face behind her hair. "I guess..."

He stepped closer to her. "Would you like me to walk you home?" he asked.

Instantly a cold feeling stabbed at her chest and she turned to him with a frown. "Can't I stay here tonight?" she asked.

He shook his head with a deepening frown. "No..." he replied, his voice taking on an air of melancholy. "I don't think that's a good idea tonight..."

Asuka flinched. She knew it was wrong to put him on the spot like that but the rejection still hurt. Also, what did he mean it wasn't a good idea? What kind of thoughts was he having in that head of his? Was he thinking some kind of sick, perverted thoughts? Well... if he was, at least he was denying them by not having her over at all. Whatever the reason for the rejection she was too drained to to anything other than accept it. "Okay..." she murmured, unable to look him in the eye.

There was another pause before he spoke again. "Would you like me to walk you home?" he eventually asked.

The care he put into those words made her feel warm in spite of how horrible she was feeling. Even if it would only provide a fleeting comfort it was comfort none the less. "Sure..." she murmured in reply.

The two of them fell in step beside one another as they trod the darkened streets of Tokyo 3. The rubble and wreckage of broken buildings around them seemed to close in around her. It all seemed so bleak, so cold, so hopeless and desolate. The overwhelming sense of abandonment and emptiness that radiated off of the few buildings that remained standing seemed to envelop her soul as if pulling her toward an endless abyss. It was like the city itself with its darkness and jagged ruins encapsulated perfectly her own shattered dreams, identity, and sense of self worth. She hated it from the depth of her being, just as she hated herself...

She flinched as Kaworu's shoulder brushed against hers as they continued their walk. "Sorry," he said in response to that. "I didn't mean to jostle you."

She knew he'd spoken reflexively but she didn't mind. His touch in whatever form was welcome. It helped keep the darkness around her and within her heart at bay... Gently she reached out and grabbed his hand in hers. "It's fine..." she returned softly, soaking up what warmth she could.

To her surprise and relief he didn't pull away. For that she was glad. If he'd pulled his hand away she couldn't imagine what she'd do other than surrender to the void that had formed in her soul...

Misato sat in the kitchen of her apartment sipping on a can of beer, deep in contemplation. It had been a while since she'd drank alcohol but after what she'd seen earlier in the day she needed something to calm her nerves. The events of earlier, the sights she'd borne witness to in the bowels of Terminal Dogma, and the tense moments of the evening between herself and Shinji were playing over and over in her mind...

She'd wasted no time in rushing home as soon as she'd left that awful place in the depths of NERV in hopes to find Shinji and speak with him about it. She'd found him in his room completely and utterly despondent but she'd tried to talk to him anyway, for his sake and for hers. "Hey kiddo," she'd said with a smile. "Are you okay?"

She couldn't remember exactly what he'd said in response but it had been something to the effect of, "leave me alone..."

Undeterred, she'd pressed him. "How did your little talk with Rei go?" she'd inquired, trying to sound cheerful even though the knew full well what horror he'd witnessed...

That had only made him curl up in a ball on his bed. He didn't even say anything in response but then again, the silence spoke volumes...

She shook her head and pushed that oh so recent memory from her mind, sipping on her beer. She felt so bad for him and for Rei as well. That cute little friendship, that both probably desired to be more than that, was likely ruined for them. She knew what that could be like, how a relationship platonic or otherwise could be ripped apart by dark secrets and lack of trust. She felt for them both, but deep down the most important thing was knowing the truth about Rei's origin and how that fit into the web of secrets that was the Human Instrumentality Project. She hated to think it, but the most upsetting thing for her at the present time was the fact she hadn't been able to coax Shinji into talking to her or she hadn't had the will to do so. It was cruel, but it was the truth. It made her sick to her stomach to know that...

She took another sip of her beer and her thought turned to Asuka. She set the beer down on the table and cupped her head in her hands. Asuka... she was almost an afterthought. She hated to think of it like that but it was true... That poor girl had endured a bad day herself and yet she'd completely ignored her in pursuit of her goal to unearth the truth of things. The poor girl hadn't come home and she was probably partly to blame for that. No... she was totally to blame. Asuka was her responsibility and she'd completely neglected her to pursue her selfish endeavors. Now she was who knew where in the city, probably stewing in her misery with no one to comfort her... "Is this what I am?" she murmured to herself. "Just a selfish woman who cares more about her ends than the people around her?"

It was then that the doorbell rang, shaking her from her contemplation...

She stood up and swayed on her feet. Shit... she was a bit more tipsy than she'd wanted to be. Whatever, she still had to answer the door. She lumbered down the hall and threw the switch to open the door and blinked in surprise at what she saw.

Asuka stood there at the threshold, her head down, her bangs obscuring her eyes. That wasn't the surprising bit. What surprised her was the boy at her side. He had silvery white hair, pinkish red eyes, and pale skin, skin even paler than Rei's. The two of them were holding hands, something that Misato found quite surprising. They must have been good friends, if not more, but she had no way of knowing. She found herself wishing she'd been more involved with the poor girl. Was she really so absent of a parental figure? "I'm home..." the redheaded girl murmured.

"We- welcome home..." Misato stammered in response. "Who's your friend?" she asked.

Asuka shifted on her feet before stepping through the doorway and past her. "This is Kaworu..." she murmured. "A friend from school..."

Misato studied the newcomer intently. There was something about the grin he wore that made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. It wasn't a malicious smile but it was too wide to be genuine. "So you're a friend of Asuka's?" she asked, forcing a smile of her own. "It's nice of you to go out of your way walk her home."

His smile wavered for a second, it was subtle but it was there. In his eyes there was this... look, this look of barely concealed pain. It was indescribable and she had no way of knowing what it meant but it was there... "We are friends," he replied, retaining his smile, his voice airy and melodious. "It's not a bother at all."

Misato nodded. She could practically smell the tension radiating off of him. "Well, thanks for looking after her," she returned. "Take care now..."

She looked over to the button that would shut the door but paused just before her finger made contact with it. "Take care of her..." the pale boy spoke, his voice firm yet small and timid.

Misato turned her gaze back to him. His smile was gone now, replaced with a deep frown. He seemed so enigmatic, so sincere, so... strange. "I- I will..." she stammered.

With that the pale boy turned on his heel and began walking away. She shut the door only after watching him disappear into the elevator at the far end of the walkway. After that she retreated to the kitchen. She found Asuka there, sipping on the beer she'd left unattended. Instinctively she lunged and grabbed the can out of her ward's hand. "Asuka!" she hissed. "What are you doing!?"

Asuka looked at her with a deep scowl, her eyes glassy with tears. "What else should I do!?" she snapped in reply. "You get to numb your pain with this, why can't I!?"

Misato frowned, letting the appearance of that strange boy fall slip to the back of her mind. Was this really how Asuka viewed her habits? Was that really the truth about her bad habits? She reached out and placed her hand on the redhead's shoulder. "Asuka, I'm sorry that you're in the place you are, really I am..." she spoke. Was it the truth or was she just trying to placate her? She didn't know... and that was what hurt the most, being unsure of her own stance and her ability to help the poor girl...

Asuka bowed her head and stood there before her, her body shaking, her fists clenched at her side. "I don't need your fucking pity..." she hissed. "I don't need your sympathy or your lies. I know you don't really care. You only care about Shinji..."

Misato felt her stomach do a flip. Was that really how Asuka viewed her? Was that the truth? Did she really favor Shinji over her? Was that how she'd seen her all this time? "Asuka..." she murmured softly, unsure of what to say.

"You're not even denying it!" Asuka snapped before bowing her head and speaking in a defeated whisper as she left the kitchen. "Just leave me alone... I want to be alone..."

Misato found herself powerless to say anything or even move. She watched her redheaded ward leave the kitchen and turn the corner without a word. After a few seconds she heard a door open and then slam shut. Perhaps the girl had a point about her. She really was a terrible person, wasn't she?

She gulped down the rest of her beer and sat back down at the kitchen table, running a hand through her hair. If Asuka was already as despondent as she was she couldn't imagine what that girl would be like after she found out she was getting replaced. She wondered just how much longer it would be until that happened. Once it did, would she actually be able to console her and be the guardian her ward needed? She hoped so, but she doubted it. The gulf between herself and Asuka only seemed to widen. Then again, all of her friendships and bonds seemed to be pulling apart thanks to her increasing obsession with the truth...

"Is this the cost of your pursuits, Kaji?" she whispered to herself. "Do I have to lose everything too?"

It was very late at night by the time Kaworu managed to return to his apartment. Even so, he found sleep wouldn't come easy, especially after his encounter with Asuka earlier. The news that she was no longer fit to pilot certainly wasn't good. It meant that he'd be selected to pilot soon which meant that the day SEELE would attempt to force him to enact their will would soon be upon him. It meant that he had precious little time to find a way out of his hopeless predicament. It was something he still had no clear idea of how to handle or execute. He supposed that he could simply tell them that he no longer wished to serve them and possibly leave Tokyo 3 to hunt them down but he had no doubts that NERV would hunt him as soon as he was forced to use his true power. It seemed like no win situation, a zero sum game. Now, with mere days before his task would be ordered, he was beginning to feel the weight of that anxiety and fear. He had so many reasons to live now, not least of which that poor depressed girl who'd become his closest friend...

Their encounter had elicited so many feelings within him, especially when she'd taken hold of his hand when he'd walked her home. No... the real stirring had happened even before that, when she'd asked him if she could stay at his apartment for the night. He'd denied her, but for his sake rather than hers. If he'd let her stay over then... then it would have been tempting to act on the feelings he'd developed for her. Until he could find a way to evade his fate he couldn't do that. He breathed a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

His cell phone, sitting idly atop the bedside table next to him, began to ring. He reached out and grasped it, a sinking feeling in his chest. He didn't need to read the number in order to know who it was and what the call was about... "Yes?" he answered as calmly as he could.

"Tabris, the promised day is nearly at hand," rang the voice of Keel Lorenz in his ear. "Tomorrow you will be summoned to NERV as the Fifth Child..."

His frown deepened. That was exactly what he expected to hear but it didn't make it any easier... "Very well..." he replied.

"You sound conflicted," Keel stated, his voice taking on a decidedly menacing edge. "Is there something on your mind? Are you having doubts?"

He closed his eyes and cringed. He had to be more careful about letting his emotions show, especially with Keel. "No," he returned evenly. "It's just very late at night for a phone call, don't you think?"

"It will not matter soon enough," Keel replied, his tone losing that threatening edge. "Soon you will guide us to the evolution of mankind and your purpose will be complete."

"Yes sir," he replied. "I will execute my purpose when the time comes."

The line went dead after that. Kaworu breathed a heavy sigh and resumed his staring contest with the ceiling. His thoughts drifted to Rei Ayanami and how she'd apparently been seeking to overturn the fate of the world for long before he'd been resurrected. She'd allowed him to find himself and hadn't interfered in his life, perhaps with the hope that he could find his own way to do that... but it was looking dire. Perhaps he should speak to her given the opportunity to do so...

"Is this what it feels like to be bound to a fate that one wishes to avert?" he asked aloud. "Is this how you've felt this whole time, Ayanami?"

Silence was the only thing that answered him...

Gendo sat in his office, a deep scowl on his face, reexamining the proverbial shogi board that sat in front of him. He was fast running out of options for how he was going to make his move against SEELE, and the developments with his son and with Dr. Akagi weighed heavy on his mind...

Since he'd woken up after a fitful night's sleep the only thing he'd been able to think about was how things had played out with the two of them. His situation regarding his son, ironically, was the least complicated situation to resolve. He'd decided to bite the bullet and bare it all, even if it was through an impersonal means like an audio recording. He'd managed to make a good amount of progress in that regard before he'd retired to his quarters the previous night. Obviously, if he had the chance, he would take the step to tell him in person about everything, but the tapes he'd recorded so far, rambling as they were, were a good start. Dr. Akagi on the other hand was a different story...

Part of him was really kicking himself for giving in to her advances and yet another part of him was... willing to accept them. It was deeply unnerving. He still loved Yui, he always would, but she'd chosen to leave him for the betterment of humanity, he knew that now. Still... did that give him a right to do what he'd done? He'd always seen what he'd done with Naoko Akagi as necessary, to keep her loyal, there was no passion involved. With Ritsuko Akagi there was passion. With Ritsuko Akagi there were sparks of... something, whatever those things might be. Was it simply because she was younger, more nubile, more trusting? Were those sparks there because she actually did admire him? Were those sparks because she still wanted him even though Rei had apparently told her everything? Were they there because a part of him, even a small part, really did want to find someone past Yui he could be happy with?

No... he wouldn't accept that. He would always love Yui most out of anyone and he didn't deserve to be happy...

But... what if Yui wanted him to be happy in her absence, in her permanent departure?

It was such a pesky, miserable, horrible, errant thought... he could barely stomach it. It made him deeply uncomfortable. To think that in a moment of weakness that he'd actually given credence to it. It disgusted him, and yet... it was tempting. To think that he could actually picture himself living a quiet life with a person like Ritsuko Akagi... it filled him with all sorts of angst, mostly because his heart would always have a place for Yui. Was there a way to accommodate both? It was a question to which he didn't have an answer...

The door to his office opened and he shook those errant, unimportant thoughts from his mind. He lifted his gaze and stared down his oldest confidant and conspirator. "Fuyutsuki, what news do you bring me?" he inquired gruffly.

Fuyutsuki stopped several meters away from his desk. "The Fifth Child has been selected," he stated calmly. "I'm sure you know what this means..."

Gendo bowed his head and sighed. The outside circumstances were closing in around him... "Yes..." he muttered in response. "Indeed I do, Fuyutuski..."

Fuyutsuki stepped closer. "So you understand that the Fifth Child is most likely the final messenger?" he asked, sounding both nervous and concerned. "Do you have any plans to counter this?"

Gendo scowled. "I suppose our best response is to have the Evas on high alert..." he muttered in response.

There was a pause. "Stay the status quo," Fuyutsuki returned. "I suppose that's reasonable, if risky..."

"What other choice do we have?" Gendo responded with a serious expression, glaring at his confidant. "We cannot risk open confrontation with the committee until the destruction of the final Angel..."

"Indeed, we cannot..." Fuyutsuki replied. "But we cannot sit here and do nothing... what do you suggest we do?"

Gendo thought on those words for a moment. Fuyutsuki was right, they couldn't simply sit back and do nothing. In the next few days they'd be forced to wage open war against SEELE. Considering NERV's arenal, they did have options... "Have the security personnel and the bridge crew undergo a refresher of small arms training," he commanded. "Have Dr. Akagi reprogram the defense systems around NERV for engagement against conventional targets..."

Fuyutsuki chuckled. "Conventional targets..." he muttered. "That's a clever way of saying our fellow countrymen..."

Gendo glared at the older man. Was he having doubts? If that was the case then he was insulted, especially considering the circumstances that had led him to this point... "If it should come to that, I accept it," he spat. "I would hope that you do as well. It was you, after all, that changed my plans..."

"Indeed..." Fuyutsuki responded, his lips curving down into a frown. "But I did hope to avoid bloodshed..."

Gendo retained his glare. "There is no other way, Sensei," he replied. "One way or another, there will be blood spilled..."

Fuyutsuki breathed a heavy sigh. "So it would seem..." he muttered. "It would seem that there is no way around a shooting war at this juncture... We can only hope that our ghost can induce change before violence overwhelms us..."

Gendo closed his eyes and grit his teeth. "So it would seem..." he bit out darkly. "So it would seem..."

Maya Ibuki took aim down the sights of her standard issue sidearm, a Glock Seventeen, at the paper target at the end of her lane within NERV's training firing range. To her left and her right were he two closest coworkers, Shigeru Aoba and Makoto Hyuga. She found it rather odd that Commander Ikari had ordered all personnel to undergo a basic personal defense exercise but she complied none the less, she was a good employee of NERV after all, she wasn't one to rock the boat. Still though, she couldn't help but wonder why the order had come down... "It seems a little strange that we've been ordered to practice this," she commented, turning to Aoba as her gun ran dry. "Any idea why the commander ordered us to brush up on our marksmanship?"

Aoba fired the last of the rounds in his pistol's magazine. "Beats me," he replied, sliding another magazine into his Glock and resuming his aim at the paper target at the end of his lane. "I personally don't care. It's something to do. I prefer it to just sitting around if I'm being honest. How come you're so worried about it, Maya?"

Maya frowned and winced, adjusting her ear protection as the long haired man in the booth next to her fired a few shots down range. "I don't know," she replied. "Don't you think it's a bit weird? Against the Angels this is pointless..."

Aoba scoffed. "NERV has many enemies," he replied. "We ought to be prepared, right Hyuga?"

Hyuga finished firing his handgun and ejected a magazine. "Maybe the Commander just doesn't know what else to do with us?" he replied. "It's good to keep sharp in case on any contingency..."

Asoba scoffed once more, smirking cynically. "Yeah, that's why they're having us shoot at silhouette targets this late in the game," he returned bitterly. "Let's face it, something big is gonna happen soon, and not regarding the Angels..."

Maya didn't want to believe that. She reached out at grabbed the long haired tech's arm. "Come on, you can't really believe that, right?" she spoke nervously.

He looked down at her with a grave expression. "Ibuki-san, I was young then, but I saw a lot of shit in the days after Second Impact..." he replied darkly. "I'd be prepared for anything if I were you..."

"I think you're just being paranoid," Hyuga stated. "Besides, it's been a while since basic training. Probably the commander just wants to make sure we still up to standards."

That definitely made Maya feel a bit better. "Yeah," she added, if only to help convince herself he was right. "That's probably it."

Aoba rolled his eyes. "Suit yourselves.." he grumbled.

The orders had come down the moment she'd reached her office. The first was of less pressing importance, that being a reconfiguration of Tokyo 3's missile defense systems for conventional engagement. She supposed that Gendo was preparing for whatever SEELE would throw their way when the time came to oppose them. The second order on the other hand was much more pressing and much more concerning...

She was to evaluate the Fifth Child for integration into the Evangelion pilot roster. That wasn't surprising considering what Gendo had told her the night before. What was was that the Fifth Child was to come to her and was to be evaluated in her office. Ritsuko found those terms both displeasing and unnerving. To think that she was allowing the final Angel into her office, so close to where Adam rested encased in bakelite... it filled her with a deep anxiety that she couldn't escape from. She sat in her swivel chair, tapping her toe, trying not to let her fears and her worry get the better of her, waiting for the boy to arrive. At the very least, this encounter would be a distraction from her lingering thought regarding the night before...

She pushed those thoughts to the wayside. Wherever she and Gendo stood had to wait even if that was what she'd rather focus her mental energy on. At the very least with the way they'd left things it had been open. She'd take some measure of hope in that...

She heard footsteps coming from down the hall and readied her clipboard to take notes. Most likely the Fifth Child, this Kaworu Nagisa that she'd heard about from Rei would appear soon. She had to be ready. In a matter of moments a NERV security officer appeared at her door. "Dr. Akagi, I present the primary candidate for the Fifth Child," the man stated.

Seconds later a pale boy stepped around the security guard and entered her office. He was just how Rei had described him from his silver hair to his pinkish red eyes. He stood there in the entryway with his eyes cast down at the floor, silent, a deep frown on his face. She found herself smiling in spite of everything Rei had told her about him. "You can come closer if you'd like," she greeted warmly. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Kaworu Nagisa."

The pale boy stepped forward and bowed his head respectfully. "I've come as instructed," he stated before regarding her with a somewhat anxious expression. "I understand that I'm to be installed as the Fifth Child?"

Ritsuko nodded. It was obvious there was some kind of conflict brewing within him, though what kind eluded her. She supposed that Rei would know. She had to ask her before the day was over. "Yes, indeed you are. The Marduk institute selected you as the best candidate, " she replied, maintaining the pleasantries even if they were a lie. He'd been sent by SEELE and they both obviously knew that...

His lips curved downward. "So... when do I begin the on-boarding process?" he asked somberly.

Ritsuko studied him intently. He certainly seemed to live up the reluctant portrayal of him that Rei had elaborated on... "We'll get you fitted for a plug suit today," she stated evenly. "Tomorrow we'll begin testing..."

He nodded his head and bowed. "Very well..." he replied. "I'm at your command, Dr. Akagi..."

The way he said that... she almost felt sorry for him. Even if he was the last Angel he seemed so very human. It was actually a little sad... She stood from her seat and nodded. "Sit tight," she replied, allowing herself to step past him. "I'll be back in a minute to assess you."

Misato sat at her desk, filing through the perpetual mountain of paperwork that invariably sat atop it at any given time. This morning there was far more to do than usual considering Asuka was being relieved of her position as pilot of Unit 02.

She breathed a heavy sigh and sipped on the cup of coffee she'd brought from the lounge. She hadn't had any time to to talk to her redheaded ward before leaving her apartment for work. Then again, even if she'd tried Asuka would probably have shut her out. It was obvious that she was having a hard time and that she didn't trust her enough to confide in her. Considering an apparent friend of hers who she'd never even so much as heard Asuka mention had walked her home after she'd been out doing who knew what was proof of that...

She slid over the release files detailing Asuka's relegation to reserve status and picked up the file containing the designation of the Fifth Child. From what she understood, the new pilot was already at NERV today. She found it rather strange just how quickly a replacement had been selected but then again, the people really in charge, this SEELE group, had plenty of time to select someone considering how long Asuka had been in a downward spiral. She flipped the folder open and instantly her eyes went wide. "What the hell?" she murmured aloud with a raised eyebrow.

Staring back at her was the visage of the boy who'd walked Asuka home the previous night, Kaworu Nagisa. He was the Fifth Child. It seemed like a strange coincidence. It was strange enough that Touji Suzuhara had been selected as the Fourth out of all the potential candidates from around the world, but for two people who her wards personally knew to be picked... that seemed very strange. The odds of it were astronomical. No... it had to be more than a random roll of the dice.

She began flipping through he dossier containing his information or rather lack thereof. She flipped through page after page and the mystery only deepened. His file contained virtually nothing that wasn't blacked out. The only real information on the boy was his birthday, the same day that Second Impact took place...

She set the folder down and picked up her cell phone, knowing exactly who to call. She dialed the number and it was only two rings before the person she hoped to reach answered. "Lt. Hyuga speaking," came the answer. "What do you need, Major?"

"Hey," she spoke in that practiced faux warmth she'd practiced so well. "Can you do a bit of digging on the Fifth Child? He was just selected but his records are a bit foggy."

Hyuga paused for a moment before responding. "Sure," he replied, sounding a bit nervous. "I can do that. Is something the matter, Major?"

Misato frowned. "Let's just say I'm a bit suspicious," she returned, trying to sound as casual as she could. "I find it a little strange that someone was selected so quickly and they were already living in Tokyo 3."

"You have a point..." Hyuga replied. "I'll get on it as soon as I get back to my station."

With that Misato hung up. She felt a bit guilty for manipulating that lovesick technician but what other choice did she have? With Kaji gone she had no other way of accessing the mainframe systems and digging into the data that NERV wished to keep confidential.

"The plot only thickens... doesn't it, Kaji?" she murmured aloud.

She stood up from her desk. Since he was most likely with Ritsuko getting prepped for starting his tenure as a pilot she supposed she could take this moment to... interview him personally. Yeah... that was the proper word for it. Some light questioning to get a feel for him and perhaps find some answers, if he had any to give. As she reached the door of her office though, she paused and a deep frown took shape on her lips. Ritsuko... she hadn't confronted her about what she'd seen down in Terminal Dogma and she desperately wanted to do that too... but how even could she? If Ritsuko knew she'd seen what she'd seen it could bode very poorly for her or possibly both of them. No... she had to keep that to herself as hard as it was to do and find some other way to keep digging. Perhaps once Ritsuko left or got distracted with Nagisa she could glean some access from the faux blonde's computer. Then, at some point, she could breach the central NERV servers and really get digging...

She took a deep breath and let it out. It was settled. That would be her plan. With that in mind, she strode forward and turned down the hall in pursuit of those ends...

Kaworu stood in the black and navy plug suit he'd been issued, identical to the one he'd worn in his past life, his lips curved down in a deep frown. He remembered this part of joining NERV well, how he'd been given a physical examination by Dr. Akagi and measured tip to toe and issued the suit he was now wearing. The entire process of reliving that was as surreal as it was unpleasant. It signified that his time to assert himself and make a meaningful change was running shorter than ever...

"How do you feel?" Dr. Akagi asked him. "Does the suit fit you comfortably?"

He nodded his head. "Yes Doctor," he replied evenly, devoid of emotion.

She regarded him with an expression he couldn't quite place. "You seem rather withdrawn," she stated simply before going on to levy an inquiry. "Are you hesitant about your new role as a pilot?"

His lips curved downward. If only she knew the kind of things that were going through his mind. If only she had any concept of what he was and what his masters wanted of him. Then again, even if he told her, she wouldn't understand. Even if he was a normal human being, human beings seemed all too often incapable of really understanding one another... "I don't hold an opinion of any kind in regards to it," he replied. "It is simply a task I must endure."

Dr. Akagi's eyes widened for a split second before she glanced away with a contemplative expression. "That reminds me of someone else I know..." she replied.

She must have been referring to Ayanami. Now that he thought about it, what he'd said was something he would have imagined she might have said at some point long ago in their shared past life... "Are you talking about Ayanami-san?" he asked.

Dr. Akagi nodded, her expression remaining a bit cryptic. "I am," she replied. "You remind me of her just a little bit."

His lips arched further downward. If only she knew... "I can see that," he returned. "We have similar temperaments and appearances."

Footsteps caught both of their attentions and in a matter of moments Major Katsuragi appeared in the doorway to the exam room. "Well," she stated with a smile he could tell wasn't genuine. "Looks like we meet again, Nagisa-san. Looks like you're the Fifth Child, huh?"

He nodded. "Indeed I am," he replied.

Dr. Akagi turned to the commander of combat operations. "You've met Nagisa-san before?" she asked, sounding a bit surprised.

Major Katsuragi's eyebrow twitched as she met Dr. Akagi's gaze before her fake smile grew wider. "He walked Asuka home last night. Apparently the two of them are friends," she stated, turning back to him, retaining her smile but her eyes looking almost predatory. "Isn't that, Nagisa-san?"

Kaworu wasn't sure how to respond to that. Something about the way the Major was speaking was actually a bit intimidating... "Indeed it is..." he responded, merely stating the truth.

Dr. Akagi turned back to him, looking a bit surprised. "So you're friends with Asuka?" she asked.

He nodded once again. "I am," he replied. "I'd like to think we are anyway."

"I see..." Dr. Akagi muttered, looking downward, pinching her chin between her fingertips.

"Have you told her that you're the Fifth Child yet?" Major Katsuragi interjected. "I'm sure she'd be a bit surprised that one of her friends was selected to replace her."

Kaworu looked down at his feet and folded his arms. He hadn't even thought of how his selection might affect her. It was careless of him and he knew it. It made him feel a bit queasy if he was being honest. She was probably going to be devastated by that knowledge and probably push him away because of it. Then again... that would probably be a good thing. If he couldn't find a way to defy his fate it was better if she despised him. "I haven't," he replied, meeting her gaze with a fake smile of his own. "You can tell her if you wish to do so."

Major Katsuragi's eyes narrowed momentarily before she took on a bit of a teasing expression. "Why's that?" she asked. "Afraid to tell her?"

He shook his head. "No," he replied honestly. "It's probably better for her if she hears it from someone other than me..."

"How come?" the Major pressed. "Afraid to tell her because she might get mad?"

His smile fell away. "No," he returned. "I'm not worried about her being upset with me. In fact, it's probably for the best if she were to be angry with me..."

The Major regarded her with a perplexed expression. "Why's that?" she inquired.

He once again looked down at his feet. There was no way he could tell either of them what he was without ruining everything so he chose a half truth. "It would probably cause her less pain in the long run if she despised me..." he replied.

"How come?" Major Katsuragi inquired.

He bit his lip. Perhaps now he understood why Ayanami and Shinji-kun were always so guarded... "I... I'd prefer not to say..." he responded meekly.

"In the long run, I suppose it doesn't matter, so long as it doesn't effect your ability to pilot Unit 02," Dr. Akagi interjected, her voice sounding just a little bit somber.

A few seconds passed before Major Katsuragi let out an exaggerated yawn. "Well, I'm getting tired and I've hit a roadblock with the mountain of paperwork I've been dealing with so I'll see you both later," she said before stepping back out the door. "Ciao!"

"Later..." Dr. Akagi responded before turning back to him. "If I may ask, how come you don't want to tell her yourself?"

He shook his head. "I'd rather not explain..." he replied. "It's... personal."

Dr. Akagi nodded, issuing a sympathetic if somber smile. "I can understand," she replied. "Some things are difficult to talk about."

He nodded and bit his lip yet again. "Indeed that is the ugly truth..." he returned.

There was a pause. "If you'd like to talk about them, I'd listen," she replied softly. "Rei speaks to me at length about the things that are on her mind."

Those words surprised him. Ayanami and Dr. Akagi were on a first name basis? How often did they speak to yield that kind of relationship? For that matter, what sort of things did they speak on? He supposed it would always remain a mystery, he had no right to pry into the relationships of others. After all, he wasn't really human... but it was a tempting offer, one that he knew he couldn't take. If he even so much as gave anyone at NERV a hint of what he actually was then it would only end in his demise... "I'll keep that in mind," he responded, forcing a smile.

Dr. Akagi nodded. "Well..." she said. "We're finished anyway. You can go home now."

Kaworu nodded back respectfully and immediately headed for the changing rooms so he could get out of the awful black garment he was wearing...

Misato exited the NERV complex and made her way to her car, sat down inside it, and started it up. She rested her head against the headrest of her seat, playing over the conversation she'd had with the Fifth Child...

Her impression was that he was very strange and that he was clearly hiding something, that much was certain, though what that was she couldn't ascertain. However, she couldn't help but take note of his pale skin, red eyes, and silvery hair. His appearance reminded her quite a bit of Rei's. They both had a similar demeanor too... but what did it mean? Was he just some albino or was he another of NERV's creations? She had no way of knowing, and that worried her.

She started the car and began her drive home, continuing to play over the conversation she had with him. Thinking over how he'd spoken about Asuka and his thoughts on explaining to her his new status as a pilot was strange. Why would he think it better if Asuka were to despise him? It didn't make much sense, unless he was hiding something. Clearly that was the case but she had no idea what he could be hiding. That worried her almost as much as his mysterious background did.

Misato ran a hand through her hair and scowled. Hopefully Hyuga would uncover something useful for her, perhaps something about his background and why he was selected. However she knew that the odds of that were slim. She supposed that the only thing she could really do was question Asuka about him, though she doubted that would yield anything of note. At the very least she could gauge how close the two of them were by her reaction to the news that he was the new pilot. If he wasn't going to tell Asuka about it then she should. If Asuka found out another way, like running into him at NERV, however low the odds of that might be, it could probably get ugly. It wasn't something she wanted to risk considering Asuka was her responsibility and if in the same conversation she could glean some useful information then it was the right course of action.

She came to a stop at a stoplight and shook her head. What was she doing? "Am I really this heartless?" she asked aloud. "Am I still doing the right thing, Kaji?"

There was no answer to that question, nothing but the low purring of her car's engine...

Her frown deepened as the light turned green and she continued on her journey home. As heartless as it was, she'd already gone too far and seem too much to let any possible thread go without investigation. If it meant irreparably damaging what few relationships she had left with the people she cared about it was worth it for the sake of the greater truth. It was what Kaji had done, what he'd always done, and she owed it to him to finish his work. She would do that, for him, for her father, and for herself, regardless of what came of it...

Asuka stared up at the ceiling of her room completely paralyzed by her thoughts and emotions. She'd been like that all day. She'd barely left her room for anything since returning the previous night. It had finally settled in for her that she was going to lose her position as the pilot of Unit 02 and the distress she felt from that was truly overwhelming. It was all she could think about. The memory of her last sync test kept playing over and over again... zero percent. The only distraction from that was the memory of Kaworu walking her home...

She held her hand up to the sky and gazed into her palm, trying to remember that fleeting sensation of warmth and acceptance she'd experienced while holding his hand. She searched her mind and heart trying to remember that feeling of warmth and safety she'd experienced the time he'd held her at night in his his bed. Thinking about those things were just about the only things that were keeping the darkness at bay. She wanted him. She needed him... and that was scary. It still seemed surreal to think that she'd grown so attached to him, that she liked him as more than a friend. Maybe if she had the chance to tell him how she felt he might feel the same and that could rescue her from the hole she was sliding into... but for now it was easier to just stay in bed.

Her stomach growled and she winced at the hunger pangs that followed. She hadn't eaten all day and despite her mental state the urge to eat was beginning to win over her desire to simply waste away in bed. With a groan she sat up, stood up, and slipped out of her room.

The refrigerator and pantry in the kitchen were rather barren compared to how they had been even a few months ago. Misato had really gotten lazy in keeping them stocked with anything edible since around the time Shinji spent damn near a month trapped in Unit 01. She scowled at the limited options before her and eventually grabbed a packet of instant noodles. She filled a pot with water and set it on the stove. With the time being so close to dinner she was surprised that Shinji wasn't already in the process of whipping something up. Normally Shinji would be the one doing this kind of thing, it was his chore, but she didn't want to talk to him even if it was to force him to cook her something. The oh so great invincible Shinji who didn't like piloting would never understand her frustration with herself, not in a million years. She wanted to be alone away...

Soon enough the noodles were finished and she dumped them into a bowl, grabbed a fork and sat down at the kitchen table. They tasted like shit but she ate them anyway. Now that she thought about it, the last time she'd eaten was before the sync test of the previous day. However, she had no time to contemplate the profound impact of depression on her appetite. The sound of the outside door whirring open shoved those thoughts away. Moments later Misato appeared in the kitchen wearing an unreadable expression. "Hey, Asuka," she greeted with a small smile. "How are you?"

She wanted to say something snappy but she just didn't have the fire within her to do so. "Like fucking shit..." she grumbled, staring down into her half eaten noodles.

Misato shifted on her feet. "Instant noodles, huh?" she continued, probably more for herself than for her. "I guess Shinji's still holed up in his room..."

Asuka bristled. Why did she always have to prioritize that mopey idiot over her? "If he is, so what," she grumbled. "I don't care..."

Misato moved over to the table and sat down beside her, looking at her with a sympathetic expression. "Asuka, I'm sorry that things have been going poorly for you," she stated. "Truly, I am..."

The sparks of her anger were being stoked... "That doesn't matter..." she hissed, glaring at her. "I'm still being replaced and your sympathy doesn't change that..."

Misato regarded her with a deep frown. "I know that's hard for you..." she returned quietly.

"Damn right it is..." she spat. "So leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you about it..."

In spite of those words, Misato didn't get up and leave. Instead she just continued looking at her with that unreadable expression from before. "Can I ask you something, Asuka?" she spoke after a short pause.

The sparks were growing to embers... "What?" she snapped.

"How long have you known that boy who walked you home yesterday, Nagisa-san?" she asked. "Anything interesting about him? Anything of note? Are you guys friends... more than friends?"

The flurry of questions took her completely by surprise. It came completely out of left field. Why would Misato be so curious about him? She normally didn't take any kind of interest into her personal life at all. Then again, she'd never seen her with a boy other than Shinji. That last question hit far too close for comfort as well. Misato was probably just going to use whatever she said to make some kind of inappropriate innuendo, something to further humiliate her... "Why do you care?" she snarled, the embers of anger flickering brighter. "Since when do you care about my personal life, who I know, or who I see?"

Misato's expression shifted into a frown. "I'm guessing the two of you met through school, right?" she inquired softly, acting as if that retort hadn't phased her. "How long have you known him?"

Asuka grimaced and looked down at her half eaten bowl of noodles. It would seem that she wasn't getting out of the damned conversation any time soon. When Misato wanted to harass her she did exactly that until she was satisfied... "Since around the time Shinji was stuck in the Eva," she snapped in response, allowing the truth to slip out a little bit. "And yeah, I'd say we're pretty close... why?"

"Did he ever seem... different to you?" Misato pressed. "Like, did he ever express a strange level of interest about what you do at NERV or anything?"

Asuka found that question to be completely out of left field. Yeah he seemed different, that's what she liked so much about him. He was different from all the other boys she'd ever met and he was so easy to talk to and be open with... but why would Misato ask her this? What was she getting at? "Not really, why?" she responded, turning to face her guardian with a perplexed look.

Misato's expression didn't change as she spoke again. "Asuka... he was selected as the Fifth Child," she replied.

Asuka's eyes went wide. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was like everything froze in place in that moment. "Wh- what?" she stammered. Then, as it began to process, the fires of anger roared to life. How could this be happening? What cruel twist of fate was this? "What!?" she exploded, shooting up from her seat with her fists balled.

Misato flinched visibly at her outburst. "I'm sorry," she immediately responded. "I just was curious about you two. I know it's probably a bit of a shock..."

Asuka was positively fuming but she couldn't even articulate a proper response. She didn't want to believe her guardian. It had to be some kind of lie! "You're lying!" she roared. "Why are you telling me this! If he was picked then he would have told me!"

Misato cast her eyes away and her lips curved down in a deep frown. "I spoke with him today at NERV," she replied. "He seemed like he was a bit reluctant to tell you..."

Asuka's heart thundered in her chest. She didn't want to believe it but the look on Misato's face had an honesty about it that she rarely saw. The fires of anger died, replaced by a haze of sadness and hurt. She turned away and folded her arms. "Did he say why?" she hissed, trying not to let Misato see the tears welling up in her eyes.

"He didn't," she replied after a short pause.

She ground her teeth together at that. She felt so hurt and betrayed, by Kaworu, by life, by the world... "I'm going to my room. Don't follow me..." she snarled. With that she stepped out of the kitchen, practically breaking into a run by the time she reached the hallway. She flung her door open, bolted inside, and threw herself atop her bed, letting out a howl of anguish into her pillow. She just couldn't believe the conversation she'd just had...

The gravity of the situation slowly began to set in. Kaworu was the new pilot of Unit 02... out of all the fucking people on the entire goddamn earth it had to be him! Why? Why was it him? Why did he have to take her place? It hurt to think that he was literally assuming the identity she'd built for herself, the identity that had given her life meaning. However... as she allowed herself to settle down the more she actually felt an inkling of acceptance.

She couldn't help but think to herself that it was probably for the best that Unit 02 had gone to him. God only knew how anyone else might have treated it. At least with him she could trust him to take care of it and she could still supervise him in some way or scold him if he messed it up. For that matter, considering how she'd grown to feel for him, being the girlfriend of an Eva pilot was a step down from being an Eva pilot but it was still something...

She dug her hands into her hair and let out yet another frustrated yowl into her pillow. No! No she wouldn't sink to that level of pathetic! She was better than that... so why did that thought seem so damned appealing?

She rolled over and stared up at the ceiling, letting out a groan of frustration. As much as she hated to admit it, she needed to really sit down and think about her situation and herself. That would be much easier to do after a good night's sleep where she could surrender to an empty black void devoid of dreams for just a little while...

And just as she started to let her mind settle in order to do that, her cell phone began to ring...

Kaworu had spent what felt like an eternity after returning to his living quarters sitting on his bed, staring at his walls as if looking into a void. The growing sense of powerlessness against fate and the anxiety and sadness it was rendering him paralyzed. He'd never given it much thought until now, but the sound of his alarm clock on his table clicking with each passing second was like a timer ticking toward annihilation. He despised it... but he couldn't run from it. He had to confront SEELE at some point and see if he could change his fate... but he still didn't know how.

He eventually flopped back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, allowing his mind to linger on the people he cared for, people he'd possibly, if not likely, have to hurt in the coming days. He knew that should things spiral into the worst possible outcome that Shinji would be shocked and that Ayanami would be disappointed. That he could live with he supposed... but Asuka... it would crush her. Deep down in his heart he knew that was the bitter truth. The very idea of having to do that to her cut him to his very soul.

He grit his teeth covered his eyes with his forearm, trying to push that thought away, trying to bury his feelings for her, trying not to think about how he'd most likely done enough damage to her. He shouldn't have ever gotten to know her in the way that he had, the way he'd originally tried to get to know Shinji before really understanding what it meant to be human. He shouldn't have even tried to get close to anyone in this current life of his. He should have just sat back and worked toward averting his fate and only if he were to manage a way to do so get close to people... but he hadn't done that. He'd still tried to get closer to Shinji, he'd gotten close with Asuka, closer than he'd ever to Shinji, he quite possibly loved her... and the implications of that alongside his purpose made him sick to his stomach.

His mind drifted back to the conversation that he'd had between himself, Dr. Akagi, and Captain Katsuragi earlier in the day. He thought back to how he'd shied away from the idea of telling Asuka that he was the new pilot out of fear for hurting her and he wondered if that was really the right choice to make. He knew that if he told her it would hurt her, perhaps almost as much as his death might, but the more he thought about it the more keeping it hidden would do the same. Regardless, she would probably push him away... but deep down he didn't want that. If he told her himself then maybe, just maybe, he could keep her close for a little bit longer, as brutally selfish as that was. With that in mind, grabbed his phone, dialed her number, and put the thing to his ear...

It rang twice before she answered it. "Hello?" she answered, her voice carrying an air of defeat and displeasure.

"Soryu-san... it's me..." he spoke.

"I know it's you," she bit out, her voice becoming hushed, guarded. "I recognize your number, idiot..."

He paused, not sure how to proceed. For whatever reason there was a lump in his throat that made speaking difficult. "I... I need to tell you something..." he croaked.

"Save it," she snapped. "I already know..."

His breath caught in his throat and he felt an icy chill run down his spine. This was going nothing like he'd hoped it would already. Then again, not much ever had for him... "Know what?" he inquired, his voice coming out barely above a whisper.

There was a pause and then a heavy breath from the other end of the line. "Misato told me that you're the new pilot of Unit 02," she grumbled in reply. "But thanks for reaching out, jerk..."

He bit his lip unconsciously, so hard it hurt. "Y- you know about that?" he stammered.

She let out a sound like she was choking back some kind of venomous retort. "I do..." she growled after a moment of pause. "She told me when she got home from NERV..."

Kaworu winced at the venom in her tone. How could he salvage this? How could he say anything to make things better? "I'm sorry..." he choked out. "I should have told you as soon as I found out..."

She sighed heavily on the other end of the call. "It doesn't matter..." she huffed. "You're the pilot. Nothing else matters..."

Those words stabbed at him like a knife. "I'm sorry..." he murmured softly.

There was another agonizingly long period of time before she responded. "I'm gonna hang up now," she replied. "I... I just need some time to myself..."

All his call had done was cause her pain. All it had done was cause him pain... "Okay..." he croaked in reply.

The line went dead and he breathed a defeated sigh of his own. Why had he called her? Why did he care so much that she was upset about his status as a pilot? Why did he care so much about how she felt about him? Why did he care so much about how upset she was? Why did he care so much about her?

Why had he allowed himself to fall for her?

He grit his teeth and groaned, cupping his face in his hands. Why had he allowed himself to even talk to her? Why had he allowed himself to act so... human? He hated this feeling. He hated how he couldn't seem to suppress it no matter how hard he tried. He hated himself for allowing himself to get into the situation he was in. He hated himself for just... being what he was...

"Why?" he murmured to himself, tears welling up in his eyes. "Why do I have to feel these things? Is this what it means to be human?"

There was no answer other than the silence of his room...

Shinji awoke in his bed and instantly found himself grounded back in reality. He'd been enjoying a rather nice dream before his alarm clock had awakened him. He'd been dreaming about a world where he and Rei and Asuka were normal teenagers, where he was close with his father, where Rei and he had a normal relationship... but reality and the sound of his alarm had shaken him from that happy world.

Ever since Rei had shown him her origins and his confrontation with his father he hadn't had the motivation to leave his room. No, it was deeper than that... he was honestly scared to go and confront the reality of his situation. The revelations of the day before last were still settling in. His entire world had been flipped on its head and he didn't know how to cope with it. Worse still, he knew that sequestering himself in his room was only making things worse. He knew that the longer he went without talking with Rei the more their connection would be damaged. Knowing how he'd left her, hearing her sobs as he walked away, there was no doubt in his mind that she was upset with him. Even so, he just couldn't bring himself to even give her a call because he was afraid that by trying to explain himself he'd just push her away anyway. At the same time, that paralysis was killing him.

His thoughts shifted to his father and he grimaced. He felt so betrayed, so disappointed, so angry that he'd allowed himself to think that his father wasn't a complete monster. Now he knew what kind of man he was and the depravity that he was capable of and it hurt. To think that he'd treated Rei the way he had, the fact that he'd created her just to bring his mother back and when that had failed he'd treated her as nothing but a tool. It disgusted him. Even more so, it disgusted him that part of him regretted knowing this. Part of him still wanted to mend the father and son relationship between the two of them... but his feelings for Rei wouldn't allow that. He felt lost and alone and uncertain of what to do going forward. It was better if he just did nothing at all...

The door to his room slid open and he rolled over on his side facing the wall. It was probably Misato coming to coax him out of his room, to ask him how he was, or something else like that. He didn't want to talk to her. If she asked him what was on his mind he knew he wouldn't be able to put it into words anyway. It was better to just do nothing and say nothing. "Shinji, you need to get dressed and eat something," came Misato's voice from the doorway. "Whatever it is that's on your mind you shouldn't just lay there."

"I'm not hungry..." he muttered. "Leave me alone, Misato-san..."

There was a pause before she spoke again. "Did your talk with Rei really go that poorly?" she asked.

Shinji curled tighter into himself. "I don't want to talk about it..." he muttered, grimacing at the memory of that awful tank full of bodies that filled him with so many emotions, the most disgusting of which was arousal. Knowing what Rei looked like without any clothes on would have been a pleasant thing in any other context. It was yet another awful bit of conflict within him. She'd trusted him enough to literally show herself in full to him and he'd run away. He really was the lowest of the low... "Go away..."

Misato sighed. "Unfortunately I can't do that," she replied. "There's a sync test at NERV today."

He flinched. NERV... he was still bound to it as much as he wished he wasn't. Still, he had to keep his word to his father that he would keep piloting until the last Angel was killed. He had to keep his promise to Rei too... but he just didn't want to go back, not now, not so soon. "Why do I have to go?" he asked meekly. "Can't I just stay here?"

He heard Misato stepping forward, closing the distance between the two of them. He felt her hand rest on his shoulder and her froze up. He hated that he froze up. She was only trying to comfort him, the way that he'd comforted her when he'd learned of Kaji's death, and he was pushing her away. He was such a worthless piece of shit... "You need to do you job, Shinji, even if it's hard," she stated warmly but firmly.

He rolled over and turned to face her. She was looking at him with a sympathetic but no nonsense expression. "I know that," he replied with a frown. "It's just... not the easiest thing right now..."

Misato nodded, her lips curving upward in a sympathetic smile. "I know that feeling all too well," she returned. "But we need you there. Besides, you need to meet your new coworker."

His eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat. "What?" he asked nervously.

Misato's smile fell away. "Yeah," she replied. "The Fifth Child has been selected. Asuka's no longer a pilot."

He frowned and looked away, his thoughts turning to his redheaded roommate. "Is she alright?" he asked.

"Asuka?" Misato replied. "Probably not... but it can't be helped."

Shinji grimaced yet again. He knew how much being a pilot meant to Asuka and how devastated she probably was at being replaced. "That's cold, Misato-san..." he muttered in response.

Misato sighed yet again. "I know..." she returned, letting go of his shoulder. "But it is how it is. Now come on, get up and get dressed. We need to go soon."

Shinji waited until she left his room before rising from his bed in order to get ready to leave. It was time to settle in to the new normal, whatever that would be...

Rei lay atop the bed in her apartment, staring up at the ceiling. Ever since she'd gone back to her apartment after showing Shinji her origin she'd been scarcely able to eat or sleep. She'd been living in a feedback loop of dread and angst, wishing that things had gone differently that day. Logically she knew that he probably wasn't upset with her, rather the situation, but having not heard from him since that day she couldn't help but feel like he was. She wanted to reach out to him but she was afraid that doing so would only push him further away. That feeling of distance and uncertainty was agonizing. All she could do was lay there and wait. She hated that. She hated how everything had happened. Most of all she hated herself for being what she was and for how she'd failed and was failing those she cared about. None of her efforts had mattered. Everything was still heading towards destruction and she was still a perversion of science...

Her cell phone began to ring and she reflexively reached for it. Though most likely it was the commander or Ritsuko, it could very well be Shinji wanting to talk to her. "Hello?" she answered without looking at the number, hoping it was him.

"Hey Rei," came Ritsuko's voice. "How are you feeling?"

Instantly her heart sank in her chest. The faux blonde should have known that was a pointless question to ask. "Not well..." she replied honestly.

"Understandable," Ritsuko returned in a sympathetic tone of voice. "Have you spoken to Shinji since... showing him everything?"

Rei's frown deepened, her heart shuddered, and she could feel that horrible stinging in her eyes that was the prelude to tears. She appreciated her concern, she genuinely did, but it wasn't a topic she wanted to discuss at the moment. She'd rather just wallow in bed alone, trying to forget... "No..." she replied.

"I see..." Ritsuko murmured. "I'm sorry, Rei..."

Rei winced and fought back tears, forcing herself to swallow the lump in her throat. She didn't want to break down. She'd done enough of that. Besides, Ritsuko wouldn't be calling her this early in the morning just to talk about her feelings. "Why are you calling me this early?" Rei asked, changing the subject.

Ritsuko sighed on the other end. "There's a sync test planned for today," she returned, her voice taking on a hint of anxiety. "It will be the first one with the Fifth Child in attendance..."

Rei's eyes widened, her whole body tensed, and her heart skipped a beat as those words registered in her mind. Nagisa was going to be at NERV when she got there. That meant that time had all but run out... "I see..." she murmured in reply.

There was a pause before Ritsuko spoke again. "What do we do?" she asked.

It was such a simple question but the implications of it were beyond dire. There were virtually no options for action of any kind. If she or Ritsuko decided to raise a red flag about Nagisa's true nature before the committee were to force him to act it wouldn't bode well for anyone involved. On top that, she knew that Nagisa wished to thwart the will of SEELE now as well though she had no idea what his plan for doing so was, if any. If anything, as stressful as it was, the best option was simply to sit, wait, and see what would happen... "Nothing..." she replied. "There's nothing we can do..."

Ritsuko was silent for a moment. "I suppose you're right..." she muttered darkly. "I suppose all we can do is wait and see what happens..."

Rei bit her lip, those words cutting deep with their bitter truth. "Yeah..." she replied.

There was yet another pause before Ritsuko went on to levy another question. "So..." she spoke. "I understand that he doesn't want to act on SEELE's behalf... but regardless of that, once the situation with the Seventeenth Angel is dealt with we won't have much time..."

Rei shuddered at the thought. "Very true..." she murmured in response. "We won't..."

"What will we do when that time comes?" Ritsuko pressed. "I'm personally running short on ideas..."

Rei squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't know..." she replied. "I suppose we'll have to fight..."

"You mean Shinji will have to fight..." Ritsuko returned, her tone turning sour.

Rei drew a deep breath and let it out. "Yes..." she replied quietly, the thought filling her with despair. Should Nagisa fail in defying SEELE then he and Unit 01 would be the last and only line of defense... "That is if Nagisa fails."

"Let's hope he doesn't," Ritsuko replied. "An Angel on our side would be quite a miracle..."

"Yes," Rei returned. "Indeed it would be..."

There was yet another awkward pause before Ritsuko continued speaking. "So... are you worried about what might happen when you see Shinji today?" she asked.

Rei felt a lump forming in her throat. She would have preferred not to talk about it but she was a little glad that Ritsuko was concerned for that aspect of her social life. "I am..." she choked out.

"Well... I suppose that's how it would be," the faux blonde returned. "See you at NERV, Rei. Take care of yourself."

"Yeah," Rei replied, swallowing the lump in her throat. "You too..."

Misato sat at her desk in her office, a deep frown on her face. The drive to NERV had taken place in an uncomfortable silence between herself and Shinji. The two of them had barely spoken a word since leaving the apartment but then again after what the both of them had seen in Terminal Dogma she supposed there was nothing to say. As tempting as it was, she couldn't tell Shinji that she'd seen what he had. If she did that would only push them further apart. It made her feel sick to her stomach...

She took a sip of coffee from the foam cup in her hand and scowled. She felt guilty that she hadn't summoned to the guts to tell him that the new pilot was one of his classmates. When he found out he was probably going to be shocked. The fact that two of his classmates had become pilots would certainly cause him to ask questions... the web of secrets she weaved was starting to feel utterly suffocating...

"Major, do you have a moment?" a voice sounded from the door to her office.

She turned around in her swivel chair to find Hyuga standing there with a concerned expression on his face. "Sure," she replied, ushering him in with a faux smile. "What is it?"

He stepped inside the office and shut the door, regarding her with a serious expression. "Well... I've done some digging on the new pilot like you asked me to," he returned.

Instantly she frowned, remembering what she'd tasked the young lieutenant with. "What have you found out?" she asked.

His expression mirrored hers. "Unfortunately not much," he replied. "Only that his birthday is the same day as Second Impact."

Her frown turned into a scowl and she cupped her chin in her free hand, gazing down into her cup of coffee. "The committee sent him directly to us..." she grumbled. "There must be something else..."

"I hacked into the intelligence department's computer system," he replied. "Unfortunately there's nothing there regarding him..."

Misato drew a deep breath through clenched teeth and let it out. Once again, things were at an impasse in her quest to uncover the truth. Even more distressing, Hyuga's action was a huge risk for both of them. "That was a huge risk," she replied derisively. "You shouldn't have done that..."

"Don't worry, I covered my tracks well enough," he stated. "I just want to help you..."

Misato couldn't help but smile at that. She suspected how the young lieutenant felt for her and she'd always used that to her advantage. It was vicious and she knew it. She couldn't help but feel guilty for it.. "I know," she replied warmly. "I know you want to help, but don't risk your life for me, okay?"

"I think we've gone to far to worry about that," he stated warmly. "I'm in this for the long haul..."

She couldn't help but feel a little guilty. In another time or place she might have acknowledged his feelings for her, perhaps even accepted them... but the current circumstances didn't allow that. Deep down, she knew that the only man she would ever love was Ryouji... "Thanks, Hyuga," she replied with a somber smile. "I mean that..."

He returned her smile and nodded before regarding her with a serious expression, a testament to his professionalism. "So, what do you intend to do about the Fifth Child's sync test?" he asked.

She sipped her coffee and set the cup atop her desk before looking up at the ceiling, folding her hands behind her head. "I don't have any tricks up my sleeve for this," she replied. "Let's just see what he can do..."

Shinji trudged through the halls of NERV on the way to the changing rooms with a scowl on his face. He loathed that he was back here so soon. He'd always had a tumultuous relationship with being a pilot but after his confrontation with his father he could finally wholly say he hated it. He could only hope that the war against the Angels would be over soon. Then he'd never have to put a plug suit on ever again. He'd never have to feel the phantom pains of combat ever again. He'd never have to speak to or see his father ever again and his promise to Rei would be fulfilled...

He halted his walk and closed his eyes. Rei... he'd have to see her in just a few short minutes and he still didn't know what he'd say to her. That had occupied his thoughts during the entire ride to NERV. He was so very ashamed of how he'd reacted, of how he'd run away from her. Even now it made him feel sick how he'd behaved, how he'd been too afraid to call her afterward and apologize, how that fear gripped him even now...

Well... he supposed that the damage had already been done. All he could do now was live with it. He just hoped that Rei could find it in her heart to forgive him.

He continued down the hall, his frown slipping into a bitter scowl. Father... it was all his father's fault. Everything was his father's fault. He would never cease being bitter about how he'd treated Rei and how he'd been treated by him. Knowing how much of a piece of shit his father was now stung and would always sting. Knowing that his entire life's misery had been that man's fault stung. The fact that he'd even come to Tokyo 3 and been through the hell that he had was all his father's doing. Everything was that man's fault...

Then again, it was because he'd answered his father's call that he'd met Kensuke, Touji, Misato, Kaji, Asuka, and all the people he'd grown close to, that he counted as his friends. If it wasn't for his father's summons he would never have met Rei...

He closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh as he continued his walk. It was such a complicated thing. His fury regarding his father hadn't relented in the slightest but knowing that without that summons he would never have found the people he considered family was a hard pill to swallow. He hated it. He hated feeling so damned conflicted. He would give anything for things to be easier, but he supposed that situations like the one he was in were never easy... and soon enough he found himself before the locker room door.

He hesitated before entering the room. Once he entered it would be symbolic of things being forced back into the status quo... and just as he was about to do it, the door to the women's locker room opened.

Shinji flinched as the sound of the door opening entered his ears, pivoting instinctively to face the person who emerged, knowing exactly who it would be. Rei stepped forward out of the women's locker room, her eyes cast downward and filled with pain, her lips curved down into a deep frown. She genuinely looked distressed. He knew that he was probably the reason for that... "Hey..." he spoke up meekly.

She seemed to tense up for a moment before raising her head and meeting his gaze. The two of them were frozen for a moment before she spoke. "Hey..." she responded, glancing away nervously.

A lump formed in his throat. Why was this making him so nervous? Why did he just want to move to her and embrace her? Why couldn't he bring himself to do that? He hated it... he hated himself for it. "Are you okay?" he asked after a moment. It was all he could do...

Her lips quivered and she nodded. "I've been doing alright..." she replied softly. "As well as I can be..."

He bit his lip. She was clearly as nervous about this encounter as he was. He supposed that an apology was in order... "I'm sorry..." he murmured quietly, casting his eyes down to his feet in shame. "I'm sorry that I ran away..."

"It's okay..." she replied. "I understand... it was a lot to take in... what I showed you..."

He couldn't just stand there. Seeing her like this, so obviously upset and vulnerable was agonizing. He hated seeing her like this and so he reached out and clasped her hand. "Look... It's okay..." he murmured, his fear reaching a fever pitch. If she rejected him now then he'd surely break... "I'm fine with it. I'm just... it was a lot, but I accept you... all of you..."

Rei looked him in the eye, regarding him with a hopeful yet fearful expression. "You're... fine with what I am?"

His heart began to race. He smiled in spite of it. "Yeah, I'm fine with everything. I understand why you were afraid to tell me," he replied before his lips curved downward, his mind flashing back to his confrontation with his father. "It's understandable that you're afraid of my father..."

She tensed up and pulled her hand away, folding her hands across her chest and bowing her head. "You left before I could finish telling you everything..." she returned timidly. "There's still more I need to tell you..."

He let his hands fall to his sides as his smile died. What other secrets could she be keeping from him? She'd literally shown him everything... right? "What else is there?" he inquired.

Before she had a chance to respond, the door to the men's locker room opened and his jaw fell open in surprise. Out stepped Kaworu Nagisa in a black plug suit. Shinji watched as his one time classmate closed the door behind himself. Instantly it all began to click into place. He must be the Fifth Child...

Nagisa glanced back and forth between Rei and himself before speaking. "Am I interrupting something?" he asked.

Rei shook her head, a frown on her lips. "No," she replied. "It's nothing..."

Shinji forced himself to speak. "Y- you're the Fifth Child?" he stammered quietly.

Nagisa nodded, his lips curving downward into a deep frown. "Yes..." he replied. "I am..."

His eyes darted between Rei and Nagisa and watched as the blue haired girl seemed to shrink even as she stood in place, bowing her head. This must have been what Rei had wanted to tell him... but that didn't make sense. If it was something simple like that then it wouldn't be so hard for her to say. Besides, he'd find out who a new pilot would be one way or another. It had to be something else...

His eyes locked with Nagisa's. The pale skin, the pinkish eyes, the silvery hair... and it clicked. Shinji's eyes widened and his lips parted as it all came together. He must be like Rei, an artificial creation of some kind, probably another one of his father's projects. He must have been created to be a perfect Eva pilot or something like that. The thought disgusted him. He couldn't help but wonder what Asuka would think if that were really the case. The two of them seemed pretty close from what little he'd seen of the two of them together.

"Shinji-kun, are you alright?" Nagisa asked, his expression shifting to one of concern.

Shinji was shaken from his contemplation by those words. He looked away and frowned. No... Nagisa probably wasn't grown in a tank like Rei, natural albinos were a thing, as rare as it was. He was probably just being paranoid. "It's nothing. I've just... got a lot on my mind," he replied, turning away from the two of them. "I'm gonna get changed. They're probably waiting for us..."

Whatever Rei wanted to tell him could wait. He didn't want to talk about delicate matters in front of a mere acquaintance like Nagisa. It was better to just walk away as much as he didn't want to...

With that, he stepped toward the locker room door, pulled it open, and stepped inside.

Rei watched as Shinji disappeared inside the men's locker room with a heavy heart, her body starting to tremble. She'd almost had a chance to tell him, to try and explain the rest of the situation she was living in up to and including Nagisa's significance and identity... but it was not to be. Nagisa just had to show himself and ruin the moment.

"Did something happen between you and Shinji-kun?" Nagisa inquired quietly.

Her lips instantly curved down into a frown and she squeezed her eyes shut. The memory of him walking away from her after she'd shown him everything was just too raw... "Yes..." she murmured in response. She hated that she was actually admitting that to him.

"I'm sorry," he returned after a moment of pause. "Might I ask what?"

A small flash of anger passed through her heart. Her eyes narrowed and her jaw tensed. She pivoted around and glared at him. There was no way on earth that she wanted to tell him about what happened. It was rude of him to even ask. "I'd rather not talk about it," she returned harshly.

His eyes drifted down to the tiles on the floor and his frown deepened. "I understand..." he replied quietly. "Relationships can be... difficult..."

The introspective expression on his face made it hard to remain cross with him. Her scowl softened and she studied that distant light in his eyes. She'd rarely if ever heard him speak about things like this, such human things... and she had a feeling she knew what had mustered those words. Considering how he and Asuka had been growing closer, his statement was probably elicited by that friendship, or relationship, or whatever it was between the two of them. "How did Asuka take the news of you becoming the Fifth Child?" she asked. "That is, if you've told her."

It was a gamble, turning the pointed end of the conversation back towards him but it seemed to pay off. He instantly flinched and folded his arms across his chest, still unwilling to look her in the eye. "Not well..." he replied just above a whisper.

Rei nodded and turned away from him as those words settled in. Asuka was no doubt crushed over her forced retirement as a pilot. She made a mental note to go and visit her estranged redheaded friend at some point and try to cheer her up... but she knew that probably wouldn't do any good considering how Asuka was. Once again she'd failed to markedly change the outcome of anything...

Her thoughts turned back to the pale skinned boy in the hall beside her. She needed to know if he'd managed any better luck than she had in trying to defy fate. They both knew what was looming ahead and what was at stake... "Have you had any luck?" she inquired, her own voice coming out small and choked.

He shook his head. "No..." he replied bitterly. "I haven't made any moves... Any that I conceive of lead to consequences that I'd prefer not to risk..."

Rei bit her lip. If he was going to make good on his intentions not to be the final messenger and rebel against SEELE then he'd better do it soon. "We're running out of time," she reminded him. "If you're going to attempt to change your fate then you had better do it soon."

He met her gaze with a somber and distant look in his eyes. "I'm sure you know that isn't the easiest thing to do," he replied. "Considering we share the same dilemma..."

Those words stabbed at her heart like a spear made of ice. It was such a cold and bitter truth, one she had been living through for months. "Very true..." she returned, casting her eyes to the tile floor.

Nagisa breathed a deep breath and let it out. "I hope Soryu-san is doing alright..." he murmured before stepping away down the hall in the direction of where the test would take place. "If you have the chance, check in her for me..."

Rei watched as he left down the hall and turned the corner, letting those words ring in her ears. She couldn't stop the corners of her mouth from twitching upward just a little bit but it wasn't a happy smile. It was more one of understanding. He genuinely cared about Asuka, it was plain as day, but that was troubling and sad. She knew that it would only complicate things. Her smile fell away. No... it had already complicated things...

She bowed her head and followed him down the hall, her anxieties running rampant and her mind lost in a sea of thoughts...

Kaworu gripped the sticks within the test plug as it filled with LCL. He'd almost forgotten the feeling of being immersed in the stuff, how it stung when the first breath entered the lungs. The feeling had never bothered him in the past but now the sensation of being bathed in it inside the plug was suffocating. He was finally back in this position as the Fifth Child...

"Okay, are all of you ready to begin the test?" Dr. Akagi's voice sounded over the radio.

"Yes ma'am," Shinji responded.

"Yes..." Rei sounded off.

He closed his eyes and drew a shaky breath. "I am..." he stated quietly.

"Alright," Dr. Akagi replied. "Initiating primary connection."

He opened his eyes and watched as the displays swirled with various patterns and colors before clearing up to display the surrounding testing room. Kaworu closed his eyes and tightened his grip on the control sticks, the memory of the conversation with Ayanami from minutes before playing over in his mind. She was right that he had to do something to change things, to take a stand against his masters, but he seriously still had no idea of what to do.

That brought his thoughts to Asuka. Regardless of what he would do in the greater scheme, he needed to resolve whatever conflict or schism had been created by his selection as a pilot. Sure, he'd asked Ayanami to talk with her but deep down he knew he needed to do that himself. All he could do was try and let he know that everything would be okay... but he wasn't sure of that being the case himself so how could he tell her that? What if he couldn't change his fate? What if there was no way out?

He grit his teeth. He couldn't accept that. There had to be a way even with time running short and he would find it. He would do everything he could to find a way forward... but for now all he could do right now was focus on the task at hand and render a usable sync score.

Author's notes

Once again, apologies for how long this one took. As of late things haven't been easy for me, both in terms of getting time to write and in regards to the situations I've found myself in. For the last week or so my rock band was doing a short tour that we ended up losing money on. Then again, that's somewhat to be expected as the curse of rock n roll in the modern era.

I initially wanted to get the events of episode 24 out in two updates but, per usual, the length and detail of the story ran away from me. With so little time left in universe before the climax of the story I want to be as thorough and detailed as possible. That said, I've already got a good start to the next chapter so hopefully I'll be able to finish it relatively quickly all things considered. The conflict between Kaworu and Asuka is definitely going to take center stage in the next one, that's all I can promise. In addition, expect Nakajima, Masaki, and Shikishima to at least make an appearance.

I hope that the opening scene with Kaji and Fujita is entertaining. If you can't tell, I've been re-watching Mr. Robot recently...

As always, reviews are appreciated. I'm so thankful for all the support I've recieved on this journey. Knowing that so many of you have been moved by this story is truly heartwarming.

Regards,

A.F.