AN: This is the result of something Luise wrote on Twitter, where she wondered how the convo between Harvey and Donna would have gone in 7.13 after Paula gave Harvey the ultimatum (hellcsweetie/status/1679712116398338049).
Unbeta'ed. Enjoy!
Harvey hasn't had a sleepless night like this in ages. Sure, there has been the occasional night here and there when he had trouble falling asleep. However, it hasn't been this bad since Mike went to prison.
Paula's words are effectively keeping him from finding his much needed sleep tonight. Luckily, she went home after dropping the ultimatum on him. Not that he considers himself a relationship expert by any means, but when have ultimata ever brought the desired outcome?
Yes, Donna kissed him, and yes, he didn't tell Paula about it right away. But the line that lives on repeat in his head is when she accused him of three people being in this relationship.
He doesn't call Donna after office hours anymore, can't recall bringing her up once after making up with Paula over the whole not telling Donna about his new relationship hiccup.
Unless… Unless Paula considered it more than a hiccup.
How does Paula feel Donna's presence more than he does? He knows Paula was mad at him for having Donna in his life after the kiss, but after all, it was Donna who had encouraged him to share his feelings with Paula after everything had happened.
Donna is barely in his life anymore. They've only had drinks once after hours in his office since he got together with Paula. He tries not to work so much overtime these days.
Harvey can barely feel her anymore. Despite their offices being right next to each other.
When sleep still hasn't arrived at the crack of dawn, he gets up for a run at sunrise to get an early day at work. Maybe Central Park will bring him closer to an idea.
Arriving at the office at 7 like a junior associate, his mind is made up. He would go to Donna and tell her about the ultimatum. Taking everything that recently happened aside, she was always his confidante. And she deserves his honesty.
Around 9 he steps into her office with two paper cups in his hands. Donna is sitting at her desk, chatting animatedly on the office phone. He waits for her to hang up before approaching her, mumbling a morning and sitting down opposite her.
"It's not my birthday," she states as she curiously eyes the paper cup that he's sliding across the desk.
"I know," he shrugs.
"Nor any other anniversary."
"I know."
"So, what brings you here bearing caffinated gifts?" she asks inquisitively, grabbing the cup and taking a sip.
He swallows, taking a gulp from his own, much less sugared coffee.
"Listen. I thought that everything between Paula and me was back to normal, but last night she told me she doesn't want us working together anymore."
"What?" Donna asks, flabbergasted and caught off-guard.
"Yeah," Harvey says, his head hung low and his voice deep.
"But why? I thought you told her everything."
Everything, he ponders. A very loaded word between the two.
"I did."
"And?"
"My mom was in town, and the three of us went out to dinner. My mom thought it was Paula who had sent me to reconcile with her."
"Oh."
"Paula said it's like there are three people in our relationship."
Donna scoffed. "Harvey, that's ridiculous. I'm not even your secretary anymore."
"I don't know what to do," he says, rubbing his forehead.
"Neither do I," she confesses. Then they're both silent for a long time.
"I need some time to digest this. And I need to get back to work," she says.
"I know."
Harvey goes back to his office, leaving a speechless Donna behind.
As much as she wants her work to distract her for the day, Donna doesn't really succeed at it. She feels nervous, catching her mind wandering off more times to count. Yet she loves her job and would hate to lose it. She doesn't have her name on the wall, so she might as well hand in her resignation and save Harvey the trouble.
At night, when she's mulled it over, she goes to his office. Putting her coat and purse on the chair next to her, Donna takes a seat.
Crossing her legs, Donna clears her throat and says, "12 years".
He gulps, closes his eyes, and feels his heartbeat quicken.
She goes on, "I followed you here from the DA's office and I would have come to Bratton Gould with you."
"You think I don't know that?" He sounds resigned to her.
"If you feel that your relationship can't survive me kissing you, then think about how strong it is in the first place. We barely have contact nowadays. We don't work side by side anymore. Was it the kiss, or was it that you didn't tell her about it?"
"Donna, I really want to make this relationship work."
"Good for you. But see if you can find a way where I won't lose my job in the process, because I've sacrificed a lot for your over the years. Which I did gladly."
"Why?" he asks without thinking.
Why, it echoes in her head.
Another loaded word for them.
Holding his gaze, she swallows, unsure what to say.
"You know why," she confesses finally, her eyes glossy and her voice almost breaking.
At this point, he looks at her, his face white as a sheet.
She continues, "You know what, do what you think is right. I never thought I'd become a pawn in this."
And with those words Donna gets up, concealing the tears rising in her eyes, and walks to the door, quietly saying good night without turning around.
She faintly hears his Donna, but leaves anyway.
Riding down the elevator, she knows one thing for certain: She can't go home after this. She doesn't want to be alone. Which is why she tells the cab driver Rachel's address instead of her own, with a detour to the closest wine shop.
Mike decides to take a shower and head to bed when Rachel opens the second bottle of wine. He wants to be a good friend to Donna, but at the same time he senses that his girlfriend might be the person Donna needs more at that moment.
Rachel waits for the bedroom door to click shut before she poses the question she's been itching to ask.
"Tell me honestly, did you really mean it the way I think you did? Does You know why mean that you stayed with him all those years because you love him?"
Donna exhales and drinks some wine before replying. "I don't know. I didn't do so consciously. But in a way, I guess yes, I did. Trust me, I don't want to be in love with him, but I think I am."
Rachel watches her friend nervously scratch her forehead. She feels for Donna. She knows some bits and pieces, but Donna can be very cagey when it comes to her feelings for Harvey.
"You know, I never wanted a man who's a project," Donna then says. "I saw so many of my girlfriends in our 20s try to change a man and fail. I always wanted a man who can commit and doesn't need hand-holding through all sorts of emotional turbulences. Looking back, I guess I did a lot of hand-holding with Harvey. And in so doing, I fell in love with him along the way. I couldn't possibly tell you when. Probably some time when the pretty boy who hired me turned into the handsome man he is today."
"Oh Donna," Rachel says and squeezes her friend's hand.
"It's all right. I want him to be happy. I just never thought that he'd fire me so he could keep fucking his former psychiatrist."
Donna finishes her wine and puts the glass back next to Rachel's when there's a knock on the door. The women exchange a look of surprise.
"Mr. Kilmartin from downstairs?" Donna asks.
"No, ever since he's taking his hearing aids out at night, he's stopped with the noise complaints," says Rachel, getting up to open the door.
When Harvey stands in front of her, she quietly gasps.
"Harvey."
"Is Mike still up?"
"He's in the shower."
"Can I come in?" he asks.
Donna listens to the exchange with her heart nearly beating out of her chest.
As soon as Rachel makes room for their late-night guest, he comes into Donna's view.
"Donna," he says surprisedly. "I was just at your place."
The redhead stares at him, her mouth slightly agape. She feels the heat in her cheeks and hopes he can't tell in the dimly lit apartment.
"I'll see if Mike's ready," Rachel says and excuses herself to the bedroom.
Harvey has his coat over his arm as he walks into the living room.
"So, did you go to my place to fire me?" she asks, hoping her voice does not betray how anxious she feels.
Closing the distance between them, he sits down next to her, laying his coat over the armrest of the couch.
"No. I went to your place to tell you that I never should have considered the option of firing you," he explains apologetically, his eyes warm.
"Did you phrase it the same way when you told Paula?"
"I did. And then we broke up."
"What?" Donna almost shrieks.
"What do you think? After what you told me?"
"What do you mean?" she asks, the wine clouding her memory the tiniest bit.
"You basically said that you came with me to Pearson Hardman because you, well, love me."
"Not in so many words."
His head moved to the side, giving her that look. The look that is meant to say Come on.
"And now I'm supposed to think what exactly?" Donna questions him.
"That I've got my shit together before I made a huge mistake."
"But you've lost your girlfriend in the process," she points out, her voice teetering on the edge of bitter.
"I don't care."
"You cared about it enough to really scare the living crap out of me this morning."
"I was confused," Harvey explains.
"And now you're not?"
"No," he says, his voice firm and deep.
"What changed?"
"Donna, that kiss changed everything."
She turns her head to look him straight in the eyes.
Harvey holds her gaze, his fingers itching to touch her hair.
After a moment, he adds, "I now know that Paula wasn't the right woman for me. When you left my office tonight, it nearly broke me. I didn't want you to think I'm able to throw away everything we have."
A grin breaks out, lighting up her entire face. "Will you ever kiss me, or are you too confused to see that the kiss changed everything for me as well?"
He leans over and presses his lips to hers, her tongue immediately coming out to beg for entrance to his mouth, which he grants gladly. The taste of her is slightly diluted by the wine she's had. But he doesn't care. A moan escapes his throat when she takes the kiss deeper. He has longed for a deep kiss ever she kissed him in her office. That need to escalate the situation has given him the guilt of a lifetime in the previous weeks, so he feels relieved and giddy at the same time now that it's his reality.
Donna runs her fingers down his nape and slips them under the collar of his shirt, making him shiver in anticipation. All she wants to do is rip his clothes off his back, but a noise disturbs them.
Mike and Rachel are standing in the door frame, Mike clearing his throat and smiling like the cat that ate the canary.
"Maybe we should have left you alone at our place ages ago," Mike quips.
"Maybe I should fire you on the spot," Harvey counters.
"Nah, you love me too much," the younger man replies with a dismissive wave of his hand.
"He almost fired me today," Donna throws in.
"I told you, I was confused," Harvey shrugs apologetically.
"Sure you were," Donna says and gently pats his cheek.
"Maybe we should get out of here," Harvey suggests.
Donna gets up and grabs her coat and purse. Mouthing thank you to Mike and Rachel, she takes Harvey's hand in hers.
"Good night," the redhead says to her friends.
"No glove, no love," Mike whispers as Harvey passes him, which earns him a death glare.
Later that night, when Donna stares at Harvey's face as he drifts off to sleep, both of them wrapped in her sheets, she feels like she's in a dream.
"What if you never had come to me this morning?" she asks him.
Opening his eyes, Harvey reaches out his hand to glide his fingers through her red strands.
"I guess we'll never know."
"What if she never had issued the ultimatum?"
His eyes open fully, looking into hers to see if she is just wondering or if this is something else altogether. "Donna…"
"I'm sorry I lied after the kiss. After your reaction I just thought…"
"That it's for the better?"
"Yeah."
"It's all right. We're here now, aren't we?"
She smiles then. "Yeah."
"Did I ever tell you I love your hair?" he asks, running his fingers through the locks once more.
"No," she says softly.
"I really do. It's so soft."
"You're so soft," she mildly chuckles at his antics and openness. "What else do you love about me?"
"Everything," Harvey replies without hesitation.
She watches the tiredness engulf him once more and his eyes shut. Snuggling against his chest, she draws irrgular patterns on his skin, a goofy grin plastered to her face.
A couple years from now she'd think back to this day, thanking Paula for the ultimatum. After all, she was just the hiccup that ultimately got Donna and Harvey together.
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