Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.
"So you wanna work on my Tegrity Farm, d'ya?"
Randy gazed the figure who had just arrived on his land. His eyes narrowed as he observed him thoughtfully. The head of the Marsh family wanted to be completely certain this was the right sort of person to employ to work on his beloved farm which grew and supplied marijuana to South Park.
"I don't usually recruit people to work on my farm," Randy said. "It was initially intended to be a family business! I still live in hope that when the day comes when I can't run it anymore, my son will be able to keep it going for me!"
Randy walked over to the figure, circling slowly around him. He looked over him up and down, trying to see if he was in good physical shape to handle the difficult labour that came with working on his farm.
"Of course, not surprisingly, demand for Tegrity has increased since the global pandemic," Randy continued. "The people of South Park want more and more of it - and the family has been struggling to produce enough on our own. I decided it's high time I brought in some farmhands to help us out. Of course, I can't just give anyone a job here. Farming Tegrity is an important responsibility that can only be given to the right person to handle it."
Randy stood in front of the figure. He gave him a fixed stare that was made from how serious he was about trusting this person to take him on to help with his drug cultivating business.
"The question is, my good sir, do you have what it takes to work with Tegrity?"
As he gazed up at Randy, the New Kid gave him a blank stare. He remained as silent as always, not saying a word in response to the sincere question the insane farmer had asked him.
"Good!" Randy broke into a smile, having decided for himself what answer the New Kid gave. "I'm gonna enjoy having you work on my farm! Stan told me you were the right person for the job - and from the attitude you've showed from this interview, I can tell my son's right!"
Randy jumped and danced happily. He was excited to be having a new worker on the farm - who he'd convinced himself was as passionate about the business as he was. The New Kid watched him, still not saying a word.
"Are you excited to be working with Tegrity, my friend?" Randy asked.
The New Kid remained mute.
"I'm glad to hear! Just look at that passion in you! My family could really take a leaf outta your book!" Randy laughed. "Get it? Take a leaf? As in leaves for drugs, which is what we're gonna be making and selling!"
Randy howled with laughter at the joke he had made, finding it more humorous than it truly was. Whatever the New Kid made of his boss' attempt to be comical, he kept it to himself.
"Well then, you can start right away! I won't bother giving you any training, since I'm sure an enthusiastic worker like you can figure it out for yourself! But if you do need me at all, I'll be down the bar, having myself some beer!"
With that, Randy walked away, preparing to head for Skeeter's Wine Bar, leaving the New Kid all alone on his farm.
Once his new boss was out of sight, the New Kid gazed silently around at the land dedicated to growing drugs. So this was the infamous Tegrity Farm he had been told abojt. He had heard from Stan how his dad's obsession with cultivating cannabis had taken over the lives of the lives of the Marsh family. That was why he wanted the New Kid to pretend to be interested in getting up a job on the farm - so that he could take care of it.
The New Kid heard his cell phone buzzing inside his pocket. He took out it to read the text message which Stan had just sent to him.
Butthole
I'm over at Stark's Pond with Kyle and Cartman while my mom and sister have gone to the South Park Mall. My dad will be leaving you alone on the farm to meet with my Uncle Jimbo at the bar. Once he does that, you know what to do…
Good luck! I'm counting on you!
Stan
The New Kid pocketed his phone. He checked over his shoulder to make sure Randy was no longer around. His new boss was well and truly out of sight.
It was time for the New Kid to carry out what Stan had asked him to do to his father's farm.
Reaching into his other pocket, the New Kid pulled out a box of matches. He struck one, gazing blankly at the golden flame which burned at the end. Then he held it behind him as he bent over, summoning all his strength to make use of his unique gift.
A loud flatulence sound filled the night air as the New Kid farted over the flame. It was followed by an huge blast as an enormous explosion erupted. Fire flew everywhere all over the farm. It came down to settle onto the Tegrity crops - which didn't take long to be set alight…
"Noooooooooo!" Randy wailed. "My work! My farm! My Tegrity!"
The dismayed farmer threw himself onto the ground, where he banged his fist. He was devastated to come back from the bar to find his Tegrity Farm up in flames. He screamed and cried as the fire smouldered away at everything around him - right down to every last bit of cannibis.
"This has to be the work of that little douchebag!" Randy moaned. "I trusted him, gave him a job, let him work on my farm - and he goes and destroys my life's work! I'm gonna kill that butthole!"
Randy did not move to pick himself up as the sirens of approaching fire trucks reached his burning land. He knew it was too late for the farm to be saved. His beloved career of growing and selling drugs was over. The Marsh family would have to move back to their little house where they had previously lived before moving to the farm - which there was nothing left of now.
All Randy could do was lie there and cry. He was distraught that the New Kid had burnt down his Tegrity Farm - just as Stan had done so in the old timeline.
At least Shelley had not been around to be killed in the fire this time. Unlike before, there had been no casualties in this disaster.
That is, not any within the Marsh family, for the New Kid had failed to noticed that Kenny had arrived to help him destroy the farm - only to stand right behind him as he farted over the flame, causing the hooded boy to get caught in the explosion and be brutally burnt to death.
THE END