Chapter Thirty - Dead on Arrival
"Guys..." Annabeth's worried voice caught my attention. I turned to see she was holding up a newspaper.
"Please tell me we weren't in there for years," I said.
"No," she shook her head. "We got lucky. Kind of."
"Kind of?" Andromeda asked.
"It's been just over a week," Annabeth said. "The solstice is tomorrow."
My stomach clenched tighter as thunder rumbled overhead. I wanted to be sick. We had been making great time before, and now we were practically out of time. Even if we managed to get to L.A. and get the bolt back today, how would we manage to get back across the country in time? I looked at my friends and saw my own doubts reflected on their faces. We'd come so far only to fail at the last minute. It wasn't fair.
"Hey, kiddo," Pink's voice broke through my spiraling thoughts, and I looked up to see the daughter of Aphrodite coming over. "You find your friends...?"
Her voice trailed off, and she stopped mid-step - staring at our group.
"Uh, yeah," I said. "Guys, this is..."
"Ramona?" Andromeda asked, her voice barely coming out above a cracked whisper.
"Um?" I blinked. "You know each other?"
"Hey, Pebbles," the now-named Ramona said.
"Pebbles?" I asked, turning to see Andromeda's face scrunched up in a mix of incredulity and barely contained anger. I wasn't sure if she'd heard me, and I definitely wasn't going to press the subject.
"That's Ramona," Annabeth said, in a low voice. "The former head of Aphrodite cabin, and Andromeda's oldest foster sibling."
"Foster? I thought Andromeda and her brother lived with their mom?" I said, slightly confused.
"Oh," Annabeth shook her head. "No, yeah. Andromeda and Andros aren't fosters themselves, their mom runs the foster house. Well, they call it the 'Farm House'. It's a foster care system set up for demigods, since we have special circumstances that can be a bit tricky for the mortal system to handle."
"Are you...?"
"No, I stay at camp year 'round," Annabeth said.
Ramona turned, only just now noticing me, Annabeth and Grover. "What are you kids even doing out here? Did you call...?"
"You do not get to ask that question," Andromeda snapped. "Especially since I know you never did."
"Th-that's different," Ramona defended. "I'm over age."
"You weren't when you ran away," Andromeda retorted.
"Fine, okay. Point taken," Ramona said, holding up her hands to forestall further argument. "But seriously, what are you guys doing all the way out here?"
"We're on a quest," I said, and she seemed to visibly flinch. "We're actually trying to get to California."
"What the hell are you going to California for?" She sounded horrified.
"We're going to L.A.," Andromeda said. "Not the Bay Area."
"Oh, well..." She seemed to recover some of her lost composure, then immediately lost it all again. "There's four of you! Quest groups are supposed to only be three. What the hell are you thinking?"
"Whoa, hey," I held up my hands in what I hoped was a placating manner. "It's fine. I even cleared it with Chiron before we left. The rule is three half-bloods or demigods. Grover may be the son of Pan, but he's not a half blood. He's a nature spirit."
"That sounds like an incredibly dubious reading of the rules," Ramona pointed out.
"It was good enough for Heracles to take dozens of spectating mortals all over Greece on his labors," I said with a shrug.
"Not to put too fine a point on the conversation," Annabeth chimed in, "but we are kind of in a rush."
"Oh, right. Fuck," I said. "Anyone have any ideas for getting to L.A.?"
"We're not flying," Andromeda said, immediately.
"A bus might take too long," Annabeth said.
"We could try a cab," I said.
"That would be ridiculously expensive, kid," Ramona said.
"That won't be a problem if they take Casino cards," I grinned, holding up the shiny metal card I grabbed on my way out of the Lotus Eaters' den.
"Maybe not," Annabeth said, "but this isn't New York. You can't just hail a cab to jump state lines."
Ramona looked briefly conflicted before speaking up; "Hang on."
She snapped her fingers and her form began to waver and shift like a desert heat mirage until suddenly she looked like a beach-tanned blonde instead of a pink-haired Latina.
"That's a cool trick," I said, grinning. I focused for a moment before shifting my hair to match hers.
"Well," she smirked, then her form shifted again and suddenly she looked like a strange mix of me and Annabeth. "Wait here, okay?"
She snagged the metal casino card from my hand, approaching a nearby idling cab. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but she waved us over after a minute.
"Come on," she said, affecting a stereotypical SoCal Valley Girl accent. "Mikey is gonna get us back home."
Annabeth, Andromeda, Grover and I exchanged a brief glance, then shrugged and filed into the back seat of the cab. It was a tight fit with four of us, and it was decided I would sit halfway on Annabeth's lap since I was the smallest. I think my brain went a little fuzzy from the time spent in the Lotus Casino because I really couldn't tell you anything about the drive to L.A. from Vegas except that we got there far faster than I expected. The driver must have never lifted his foot from the accelerator the whole way.
Once we arrived, the driver - Mikey - spent at least another ten minutes hitting on Ramona before finally taking off. It was honestly kind of pathetic. When he was finally out of sight, Ramona handed me back my card before letting out a hoarse cough as her disguised features shifted back to her previous form.
"That sucked," she rasped. "Any of you have some water?"
"Sure, I..." Andromeda started to say, then quickly went pale - which given her usual fair complexion was quite the feat.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"We left all of our stuff in Vegas," she said.
"Not all of it," Grover said, holding up my blue nylon backpack that Ares had given me back in Colorado.
"Dude, when did you go back for that?" I asked, reaching in to pull out the 'frigerator bag'.
"I didn't," he said. "You had it on your shoulder when we left, and just almost left it behind in the cab."
I blinked, confused, as I dug around the bag for a drink; "Um, no water, but I've got a couple cans of coke and a juice box."
She snagged the juice box and drank almost the whole thing in two huge gulps. Meanwhile, I turned my aura sight on the backpack and let out a chuckle.
"Okay, what's with the weird eyes?" Ramona asked, gesturing at her face for emphasis.
"It's called Aura Sight," I said. "It lets me see godly energy. That's how I knew you were a daughter of Aphrodite, and how I can now see that this backpack is magical. Not sure what all it can do, but the return-to-owner property is definitely worth it. Almost makes me feel bad about holding Ares' shield for ransom."
"You what?!" Ramona choked, almost spitting out her juice.
"In my defense," I said, "he's a total asshole."
"He gave you the backpack," Annabeth pointed out.
"Yeah, that's why I said I almost feel bad."
"Almost," Grover deadpanned.
"Still an asshole," I grinned.
"You are insane," Ramona said, exasperated. "So, what's the plan now?"
"Now, we find the entrance to the Underworld," I said. "You remember where we're going, Andromeda?"
"Yeah," she tapped her head with a grin. "D.O.A. recording studios."
"The Underworld? What the hell is Chiron thinking, sending a bunch of kids to the Underworld?" Ramona's voice pitched higher and higher.
"It's a whole thing," I said. "My brother and I are being accused of stealing... something very important - which we didn't do, by the way..." something tickled in the back of my head, but I ignored it, and continued; "...and the wording of the prophecy I got sent us to 'the god in the West', which Chiron helpfully named as Hades. So... Underworld."
"Right, yeah. Of course. That all makes perfect sense. At least you got a proph-..." She cut herself off and let out a sigh, then turned to Andromeda. "So, you know where you're going?"
"We've got the address," she said. "I figure we could get a local cab that'll get us to the door at least."
"I don't feel right just leaving you all here," Ramona said. "I'll feel better about it knowing you got there in one piece..."
"As opposed to the usual method of getting there?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said, grimly.
"We're already pushing it as far as members of the quest," Annabeth pointed out, and Andromeda reluctantly nodded her agreement.
"Actually, I have an idea," I said, pulling out a couple of gold drachma and handing them to the daughter of Aphrodite. "There."
"What's this?" She asked, confused.
"Payment," I said. "For services rendered. You're officially a paid guide, and therefore not a member of the quest group. Means you wont get any credit if we succeed, but also means you wont trigger some nasty bad luck."
"Right," she said. "Well, sit tight and I'll call up another cab."
Unfortunately, this particular cab company did not take casino cards (or any kind of credit card, as the mist had helpfully changed it into an American Express card while I wasn't paying attention). Luckily the amount of 'petty cash' that Ares had packed for us in the magic backpack turned out to be exactly enough to get us to our destination.
The cab stopped on Valencia Boulevard, and we climbed out. Andromeda seemed to steel herself before opening the front passenger door and pulling Ramona into a hug. I could barely make out the sound of her voice muffled against the older girl, but couldn't hear what she said. After a moment, she pulled away and walked back to us. I very deliberately didn't notice the way her eyes looked like she was trying not to cry.
The cab pulled away, and we were left standing alone outside the entrance to the Underworld. Gold letters etched in black marble read: DOA RECORDING STUDIOS. Underneath, stenciled on the glass doors: NO SOLICITORS. NO LOITERING. NO LIVING. The sun was starting to go down, but the lobby was brightly lit and full of people. Behind the security desk sat a tough-looking guard with sunglasses and an earpiece.
I turned to my friends. "We've got this, guys."
Annabeth said, "What happens if we were wrong?"
"Don't think negative."
"Right," she said. "We're entering the Land of the Dead, and I shouldn't think negative."
"We're cutting it close," Andromeda said. "The prophecy said you'd find the bolt, so we have to have faith that we're on the right track at this point. Otherwise, you'll have done the impossible and proven the Fates themselves wrong."
"I'm sorry," Annabeth apologized. "You're right, we'll make it. It'll be fine."
She gave Grover a nudge.
"Oh, right!" he chimed in. "We got this far. We'll find the master bolt. No problem."
I grinned, and we walked into the D.O.A. lobby. Muzak played softly on hidden speakers. The carpet and walls were steel gray. Pencil cacti grew in the corners like skeleton hands. The furniture was black leather, and every seat was taken. There were people sitting on couches, people standing up, people staring out the windows or waiting for the elevator. Nobody moved, or talked, or did much of anything. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see them all just fine, but if I focused on any one of them in particular, they started looking... transparent. I could see right through their bodies.
"Is that Rick James?" I asked, trying to get a better look. The guy was, if you'll pardon the pun, a dead ringer for him.
"Wait, what?" Andromeda asked, looking around. "Where?"
I pointed him out, and she stared. He must have felt her gaze and became uncomfortable because he got up and shuffled off a little ways before settling back down.
"We have all the greats down here!" A man standing at the security desk declared. "Mozart, Janice Joplin, Kurt Cobain, who do you want to listen to?"
The security guard's desk was a raised podium, so we had to look up at him. He was tall and elegant, with chocolate-colored skin and bleached-blond hair shaved military style. He wore tortoiseshell shades and a silk Italian suit that matched his hair. A black rose was pinned to his lapel under a silver name tag.
"Ooh!" Grover chimed in, excitedly. "What about t.A.T.u?"
"Mmm. They'll be here..." the guard said with a predatory grin. "...Eventually."
"Who?" I asked.
Grover blinked, "You know... All The Things She Said? The Russian duo?"
"Never heard of them," I admitted.
"I can play a bit," Grover volunteered, pulling out his reed pipes.
"No," I said, quickly. "I'll, er... Listen to it later?"
"Darling, there is no later for you. Unless..." the man frowned. "You're not dead, are you?"
"Wh-why would you ask that?" Andromeda stammered.
"Yeah," Annabeth spoke up. "Why else would we be here, right?"
Grover nodded, "We're definitely dead. We should be heading down below soon."
The man let out a sigh of annoyance as he pinched the bridge of his nose; "Heroes. I'd ask if you read the sign out front. No loitering. No soliciting. No living. That last one especially means you four."
"Okay, fine," I said, approaching the desk and looking up to read his name tag. "Chir.. Care... Karen? Look, you're right. We're not dead. But we are here on official business. Can you just let us through? Please?"
I reached into my bag and pulled out a handful of golden drachma, deliberately stacking them slowly on the desk one at a time - twenty in total. The guard's hands twitched toward the stack of gold then stopped.
"Oh, no," he said, shaking his head. "Nope, sorry kid. I let you down there early and it's my job on the line. Not that I get paid enough to keep you out. The cost of living has overtaken the price of dying, and I'm barely making ends meet right now.
"Leave while you can," Charon told us. "I'll just take these and forget I saw you."
"Nope," I said, scooping the coins back up before he could grab them. "No service, no payment."
For a moment we stared at each other. I couldn't see his eyes behind the sunglasses, but I was determined not to blink first. Finally, he let out a sigh as he shook his head; "Alright, fine. Boat's almost full anyway. Come on."
"Really?" I asked, surprised.
"Don't sound so eager," he warned. "You'll wish you let me talk you out of this. Of course, you'll be dead for real soon enough, where you're going."
"We'll live," I said.
"Mm." He didn't sound convinced, but he didn't press the point either as he escorted us to the elevator, which was already crowded with souls of the dead, each one holding a green boarding pass. Charon grabbed two spirits who were trying to get on with us and pushed them back into the lobby.
"Right. Now, no one get any ideas while I'm gone," he announced to the waiting room. "And if anyone moves the dial off my easy-listening station again, I'll make sure you're here for another thousand years. Understand?"
He shut the doors. He put a key card into a slot in the elevator panel and we started to descend.
"What happens to the spirits waiting in the lobby?" Andromeda asked.
"Nothing," Charon said.
"For how long?" Annabeth asked.
"Forever, or until I'm feeling generous."
"Oh."
I got a sudden dizzy feeling as I realized we weren't going down anymore, but forward. The air turned misty. The spirits around me started changing shape. Their modern clothes flickered, turning into gray hooded robes. The floor of the elevator began swaying. I blinked hard. When I opened my eyes, Charon's creamy Italian suit had been replaced by a long black robe. His tortoiseshell glasses were gone. Where his eyes should've been were empty sockets - like Ares's eyes, except Charon's were totally dark, full of night and death and despair.
He saw me looking, and said, "Yes?"
"Nothing," I managed.
I thought he was grinning, but that wasn't it. The flesh of his face was becoming transparent, letting me see straight through to his skull. I looked away as the elevator continued to sway.
Grover said, "I think I'm getting seasick."
When I blinked again, the elevator wasn't an elevator anymore. We were now standing in a wooden barge. Charon was poling us across a dark, oily river, swirling with bones, dead fish, and other, stranger things - plastic dolls, crushed flowers, and soggy diplomas.
"The River Styx," Annabeth murmured. "It's so..."
"Polluted," Charon said. "For thousands of years, you humans have been throwing in everything as you come across. Your hopes and dreams. Wishes that never came true. Irresponsible waste management, if you ask me."
Mist curled off the filthy water. Above us, almost lost in the gloom, was a ceiling of stalactites. Ahead, the far shore glimmered with greenish light, the color of poison. Annabeth grabbed hold of Andromeda's and my hand, gripping as tight as she could. Under normal circumstances, this would've embarrassed me, but I understood how she felt. She wanted reassurance that somebody else was alive on this boat.
The shoreline of the Underworld came into view. Craggy rocks and black volcanic sand stretched inland about a hundred yards to the base of a high stone wall, which marched off in either direction as far as we could see. The bottom of our boat slid onto the black sand. The dead began to disembark. A woman holding a little girl's hand. An old man and an old woman hobbling along arm in arm. A boy no older than I was, shuffling silently along in his gray robe.
"I'd wish you kids luck, but there isn't any down here," Charon said. "That said, I'm sure I'll be seeing you again real soon."
He counted our golden coins into his pouch, then took up his pole and began heading back the way we'd just come. A sound came from somewhere in the distance, echoing off the stones - the howls of a large animal.