Takes place after the events of the episode "Dragonphobia". Jane is mentally distraught by the problems her memory loss had caused her friends. Jane\Jester pairing, short story.
The cool night and peaceful castle gave Jane no sleep. She tossed and turned, her mind racing with distressing thoughts about her recent day of memory loss from accidentally eating poison berries. Visions of her friends' faces flashed before her mind's eye, seeing their confusion, their hurt. While Dragon was hurt the most by her that day, once she regained her memories he had quickly forgiven her, and their friendship returned to normal. But it was not Dragon keeping her thoughts occupied while she fought with sleep, rather it was another short-life like herself.
Losing her memories for a day had changed how she saw him. Her best human friend, her confidant, the one she went to whenever she needed sound advice or someone to share in sorrow... Jester. Oh, she had like-liked him for a while now, but had always assumed there would be time for such things later, after her knighting in a few years. But her recent amnesia had given her a sort of wake-up call and scared her into realizing that she didn't have all the time in the world. What if she had never gotten better from the berries? What if she had to relearn her life and her friends all over again? She may have chosen to stay a lady-in-waiting, and then be married off to a nobleman later on, leaving Jester behind, never to remember the affections she held for him. The very thought made her feel sick.
oooooooooooooooooooooooo
"Jane, are you alright?"
The female squire blinked back to the present, having been lost in thought, and turned to see the grey-blue eyes of Jester peering at her strangely from beside her at the picnic table. Butterflies lept in her throat and she opened her mouth to answer but no words came out, and she realized everyone else at the table were also looking at her, waiting for an answer. Finally she closed her mouth and forced her gaze away from Jester to look down at her half-eaten bowl or porrige.
"Sorry, my mind was otherwise occupied."
"You have been like this for days, Jane," Smithy observed in his quiet manner.
"Yes," Jester concurred, "it seems every time I see you, you are as distracted as Princess Lavinia during our tutoring sessions! What is -?"
"I'm fine!" Jane blurted out nervously, then looked up at the shocked faces. She didn't normally shout at her friends, especially when they were just concerned for her.
"Sorry, I just... I'm not hungry anymore. Excuse me." She turned and rose from the bench quickly, hurrying away in the direction of the training yard.
How can I talk to him? How can I risk ruining our friendship?! But how can I go one more day without knowing if he feels the same way?
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She felt weightless, the wind whipping her fiery hair behind her, the clouds kissing her face as she flew on Dragon on patrol. Her eyes closed, she tried to clear her mind of all the worry of late about her feelings toward Jester, but it was in vain. She simply could not get rid of the knot that tied itself in her stomach every time she thought of speaking her feelings to her best short-life friend.
"Jane? Are you listening to me?"
Dragon's voice interrupted her thoughts, and she sighed.
"Sorry, Dragon. What were you saying?"
"I was saying that you are acting like a love-sick puppy!"
"Love-sick?! What are you saying?!"
"Come on, Jane, I can see it plain as day: you don't just like Jingle-boy, you LIKE-LIKE him."
Jane fell silent a moment before responding.
"I didn't realize it was so obvious..."
"Well, probably not to the average short-life," Dragon bragged, "but I see the signs quite clearly. So, when are you going to do something about it instead of moping around drooling over him? You have been making our time together completely BORING!"
"Dragon!"
"Well, you are! Ever since you got your memories back, I can barely get you to concentrate on my runes, Gunther has bested you twice, and on patrol it is I who is doing all the work, so you might as well not even be here!"
She lowered her head, knowing he was right. She HAD been rather distracted and moody lately.
"I'm sorry, Dragon. It's just that... Augh! If I tell Jester my feelings, and he doesn't feel the same, then I might be ruining our friendship! I cannot take such a risk! ... Can I?"
"Jane," Dragon said firmly. "I do not believe anything bad will come of your telling him. He may dress strangely and have a terrible sense of humor, but I do not believe Floppy-Hat would ever hurt you by ending your friendship. Now, will you be talking to him, or shall I roast him so that he is no longer a distraction at all for you?"
"Dragon!"
oooooooooooooooooooooo
The following day, Jane felt much more herself. She was up early to get in a quick training session before breakfast, then marched over to the table by the kitchen and promptly ate two bowls of Pepper's apple and honey porrige.
"It is good to see your appetite has returned, Jane!" The cook commented with a big smile, watching her friend finish off the second bowl.
"What was it that had you down for so many days?" Smithy asked, a slight tilt of his head showing his perplexion.
Jane swallowed and then set her spoon down before answering, careful not to look at Jester, but feeling his eyes on her.
"Just a confusing matter that I have come to a decision on. I am feeling a little better about it now."
"Good confusing or bad confusing?" Jester put in, and she forced herself to glance at him.
"I'm not sure yet... Well, I'm off to spar with Gunther! See you later!"
She hurried away before the butterflies could settle in her stomach once again, hoping the sparring session would settle her nerves for what she had planned on doing today.
ooooooooooooooooooooooo
Hours later, the sparring match had ended and as Jane set the wooden practice sword in it's place she sighed, both from physical exhaustion and from the weight on her mind of what she was about to do. It was nearly lunchtime, and she knew her friends would be gathering around the picnic table again, waiting for Pepper to finish cooking their lunch. Jane took a big breath and headed over through the archway leading to the garden area. Her footsteps slowed as she approached the table, seeing Jester, Rake, and Smithy sitting there. They erupted into laughter as she neared, laughing at some joke Jester had told just a moment before. Jane could hear Pepper humming away the tune she always did as she waited for her pot to boil, so Jane knew lunch wasn't quite ready yet. Forcing her feet to keep moving, she reached the table of her friends.
"Good afternoon to you, lady knight!" Jester exclaimed, rising from the bench to give a dramatic bow and flourish of his arm. "What a pleasure to have you grace our humble midday meal! But first tell us, how badly did Gunther cry when you whipped him at short-swords?"
They all laughed at the thought of her fellow squire crying, Jane letting out a snort at the end of her laugh, feeling some of the tension leave her body.
"Oh bother!" She cleared her throat. "Jester, I wondered if I might have a word with you... before lunch?"
His face quickly changed from grins to intrigue, and she could tell in his eyes he was confused. However, he didn't show it to the others, instead making a quick bow to her then extending his arm out into the gardens.
"Of course, my fair beanstalk! Lead the way! And you," he turned to the others, "no eating our portions while we are gone!"
The blacksmith and the gardener raised their hands in defense of his playful threat, then watched as the jester and the squire walked away.
Jester followed Jane through the gardens towards the training yard, wondering why she chose to lead him so far, his curiosity growing with each step. She turned and headed towards the swings outside Jester's window, below her own tower she lived in. The tree the swings were attached to was in full bloom, heavily laden with bright pink flowers that held a sweet smell. The branches were so full and heavy that that corner of the yard became almost like a partially concealed hideaway, the swings underneath a canopy of flowers. Jane did not sit down, but turned towards him and paused, unsure where to begin. A minute of silence enveloped them, while Jane looked anywhere but at Jester and Jester's brow grew more furrowed by the second in confusion. Finally he decided to speak first.
"Jane, is something the matter? You've been so distant for days, and I'm worried for you. You have not been yourself. I mean, more yourself than that day you lost your memories and forgot everyone but..."
She shot him a narrow-eyed glance.
"...Sorry," he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Her eyes softened, but he could see behind her steady gaze, a fear that worried him even more. What was she afraid of telling him? He reached out and grasped her shoulders gently.
"You are my best friend, you know you can tell me anything - why, you're positively shaking, Jane!"
The trembling of her arms beneath his hands shocked him. She bent her head down slightly, as if ashamed, but still held his concerned gaze.
"It is difficult to say." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. Jester lowered his voice too, just in case anyone was around to hear.
"Whatever could be so terrible that it has rendered my brave, dear Jane to fearful tremblings? Please, tell me what has affected you so, that I may find a way to help you! I would do anything for you, please... tell me your burden, that I may bear it with you."
Tears threatened to well up in Jane's eyes, causing Jester further distress.
Does he know what he does to me? Does he hear the thunder of my beating heart?
She willed herself to speak the next words.
"That is the kindest offer you can make me. However, I fear you cannot bear my burden Jester, for... you are my burden."
The court jester's eyes widened, and a sinking feeling panged his chest. What was she saying? His grip on her shoulders loosened as he tried to make sense of what she had said dropping his arms to his sides.
"I am your burden? What have I done that you should speak to me this way? Have I hurt you? Please tell me I have not!"
She shook her head.
"No, you have been the best and kindest friend, the very best."
"Have... been? Then, what has happened?"
Jane took a deep breath, willing herself to continue, no matter the consequences.
"I fear that what I am about to say may upset you. Please forgive me if it does? But I simply cannot go on as we have been, walking together and talking together, sitting up on my tower watching the sun set and the moon rise together. I cannot bear it any longer this way."
Jester felt like his world was crashing down around him. She didn't want to be his friend anymore? Why? What had he done?
"Jane, please! Don't send me away! Whatever I have done, I regret it immensely, only tell me the wrong I comitted that has caused you such distress."
"You... stole something." Jane said slowly, dancing around the subject, still afraid of what he might think.
Jester wracked his brain. What had he stolen? He had borrowed one of the carved figures from her room the other day for a puppet show, but with her permission and it was returned to her that night. Surely that wasn't what she meant! He placed a hand over his heart, his face a perfect picture of sincerity.
"Jane, I promise you, I have not stolen anything from you."
"But you have," Jane groaned inwardly, knowing there was no turning back now. "You have... stolen my heart."
The fool felt as if his breath was knocked out of him, and a wave of unsteadiness came over him, making his head swim. Her heart? But that would mean...
Realization dawned in his eyes, and he snapped them back up to meet her green ones. Her expression was one of uncertainty, her eyes wide and searching his, her jaw tight in a clenched grimace as if she expected him to attack her for what she had confessed.
Blinking, Jester tried to recover from his shock.
"Your heart? Jane, I don't know if you realize, but generally that means -"
"I know." She interrupted, silencing him. "I... didn't mean to let you steal it. I fought it, and I was doing well until... the day I regained my memories. Knowing that there had been a chance that I would have never remembered you has been a nightmare! I could not go one more day without telling you how I feel, for fear that any chance of finding love together would be lost forever."
She tried to read his face, but it was frozen in an unreadable expression.
"I understand if this makes you uncomfortable, and I am willing to accept whatever you believe is best for our friendship, even if... even if that means it ends."
She finished speaking and took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. She had done it, she had told him. Now she waited. She didn't have to wait long for his response. Closing the distance between them, Jester took her hands in his, and Jane was surpised to find that it was HIS hands that were now trembling.
"Oh Jane... my wonderful friend." His own eyes glistened with tears.
Is he crying?
"... Your words have caused a liberation of my heart! Long have I suffered silently in affections for you that I believed to be in vain. If I have truly stolen your heart, then I hold it dearly, and give you my own heart freely. What has this fool done to recieve the favor of you, fair lady knight? Tell me I am not dreaming, for my heart can hardly believe this to be true!"
They were gripping each other's hands tightly now, tears beginning to fall down their cheeks at the revelation that both shared in their affections. Jane felt as if she herself was dreaming, for hearing Jester declare his love for her was not what she had prepared herself for.
"I am wondering now, if I myself am dreaming," she breathed, at a loss for more words.
A breeze picked up, tousling her unruly curls and sending loose flower petals down around them. A few stuck in her hair, and Jester released one of her hands to reach up and pick them out. He paused, hand in midair by her face, then hesitantly he laid it against her cheek, using his thumb to swipe away a rolling tear. His hand was hot against her face, but the touch lit a happiness in her that caused more tears to come forth. He pulled her towards him into his arms, and there they stood, petals falling round them, obscuring them further from the rest of the castle yard. The only sounds were the wind blowing through the branches and the sound of their breathing as they clung to each other, motionless.
Jane felt as if her heart would burst with the rush of happiness and relief that surged through her, burying her face into his shoulder, feeling his own face nestle against her neck warmly. All too soon, Jester pulled away slowly, just enough that she could raise her head to meet his eyes. The pure love that shone out from his grey-blue gaze took her aback, and she couldn't help but smile back at him, trying to convey the same affectionate look through her own expression. Being in his arms was so wonderful, different than any other time because this time it was out of romantic affection, not friendly comradery. His eyes flicked downward briefly at her mouth, and then returned to her green eyes with a questioning look, tilting his face ever so closer to hers. Her heart raced as she tried to discern what he was asking, then responded by tilting her own head upwards slightly towards his, biting her lip nervously. He waited, watching her, until she gave a slight nod. They met each other's lips in a hesitant first kiss that made Jane's stomach flip flop more than when Dragon flew loops unexpectedly with her on board. His mouth was gentle and soft, letting her set the pace, so she leaned forward against him to deepen the kiss, thrilled that he responded in kind.
Too quickly it was over, and they drew apart, inches away from each other's faces, red-cheeked and laughing lightly at what they had just done.
"This fool is in love with you, lady knight." He said softly. Jane swallowed and smiled back at him.
"We are both fools in love."