.
.
"Father, please, I don't want to go to the capital!" little Jacob cried.
His father backhanded him across the face. Little Jacob pitched backwards, landing on the floor.
"You're not my son," the Viscount said.
Tears pricked little Jacob's eyes. He held his hand out. "Father-"
"You stupid child." His mother yanked him upright, little Jacob bleating like a sheep. "Quiet. Stop your crying right now."
"Why, why, why did Father say I'm not his child?"
"Because your father is the king," his mother said. She looked out into the courtyard, at the splash of sunlight peeking through the clouds.
"Soon you'll join your real family, who will love you and welcome you."
xXx
.
No one welcomed little Jacob.
The servants stared daggers at him. Little Jacob was young and unused to courtly protocol. "He's a proper idiot, that one," one of the servants said. Little Jacob hunched his back. Tears filled his eyes and his nose was red.
His half-siblings ignored him. "Look, I found these flowers, they reminded me of you," he said to Audrey, a girl who was almost the same age as him. She looked at him with narrowed eyes, then turned her nose up at him.
Young Jacob clutched the bouquet of flowers to his chest. The petals drooped around him.
xXx
.
A hit. Young Jacob fell back, the blunt edge of the blade whacking into him.
"Again!" his teacher said, as Gautier pushed up his glasses, holding up the practice sword, while Jacob trembled in front of him.
The day wore on. Little Jacob knelt shakily on his knees, his body bruised from all the blows he took from the sword, his small hands scraped and his knuckles swollen.
His mother held up a fan and watched him.
"You must seize the opportunity once it presents itself," his mother said. Jacob knelt on her lap as she carded her fingers through his hair, stroking his head. "You are the Second Prince. The only way to earn the love of others is if you can become the king."
"Yes, Mother," Jacob said. His mother regarded him coolly.
Most days, he cried. "Mother, they're all so mean to me!" he said. His mother slapped him across the face.
Little Jacob looked up, tears welling up in his eyes, as his mother shouted at him.
"They treat you so because you do nothing for them!" his mother said. She reared up to her full height, Jacob crouching in her shadow as she was backlit by righteous sunlight. "You are pathetic. You cannot demand love, Jacob. Love is never freely given."
That night, he curled up on his side and cried.
xXx
.
"Mother," little Jacob said. She was sitting with her back facing the door to her sitting room, the shades drawn and the room dark except for the sliver of light filtering through the bottom of the curtains. "Mother. Gautier hurt me again. He hit me with his sword while we were fencing."
A small step forward. He could see the long golden tresses of his mother's hair cascading down her shoulders.
"Mother," little Jacob said. "Audrey called me stupid again. I messed up my lessons and I made a mistake with royal etiquette. The tutors said I'm a lost cause and the servants say I'm hopeless."
Another small step. He could see the shape of her head resting forward, her slender arm slung over the armrest.
"May I have a hug, Mother?" his voice was soft and tremulous. Tears filled his eyes but he screwed his face tight to keep from crying. "I feel sad. I feel like no one likes me. Mother?" he said, and he stepped forward. His foot knocked into a teacup. "Mother?"
His eyes widened.
A large, vertical gash, sliced down the meat of her arm, blood pooling onto the thick carpet where he was standing; she had shattered the teacup with her hand and used the shard to cut the arteries of her arm.
"Mother!" He shrieked and grabbed her. "Mother! Mother!"
"The Queen!" Servants burst into the room where little Jacob was standing. "What happened to the Queen?"
"Mother!" little Jacob shrieked, the maids pulling him back, large hands gripping his small arms as he fought against them. "Mother! Mother!"
xXx
.
After the funeral, no one consoled him.
He stayed in his room. He kept the curtains closed while he lay listlessly in the dark, his eyes red and swollen. Everything hurt. Quietly he curled up into himself, tears leaking down the sides of his eyes, feeling lonely and sad and stupid for crying.
xXx
.
His father, the king, and his brother and sister, glanced coolly at him.
He hung back as his father shared his warmth. A booming laugh, a large hand resting affectionately on the top of his brother and sister's heads. Soft smiles and shared secrets and lots and lots of hugs. The Crown Prince Gautier, their father coddled him. The First Princess crawled onto their father's lap as their father doted on them.
"My beautiful children," his father said to the Crown Prince and First Princess. They curled around him, beaming at him. "My two blessings. My reason for happiness."
Jacob hung back in the shadows, standing with the servants.
xXx
.
A hit. Jacob's skill with sword increased. Gautier was too busy with his governing lessons, leaving Jacob to train without him.
"I heard you were cavorting with the maids again," his father said. His voice dripped with disdain. Jacob tossed his hair back and smirked. Like his brother and sister, he had grown into something beautiful; golden hair and deep blue eyes, the women of the royal court fell over themselves to be with him.
"Just do not get any of them pregnant," his father said. His wizened hands tapped on the throne's armrest. "It is quite the headache, dealing with a child who is illegitimate."
"I shall do my best not to be too much of a headache, then," Jacob said, and he bowed, his tone slightly mocking him.
xXx
.
He was walking down the corridor when Gautier came up to him.
"How rude," Gautier said. He pulled Jacob to the side, glaring at him. "Father deigned to bestow upon you the title of Second Prince, and yet you show no courtesy toward him!"
"Courtesy?" Jacob raised his eyebrows. "I do enough for the old man already."
"Bastard." Gautier gritted his teeth, snapping back his hand.
xXx
.
The noblewomen sought to have dalliances with him.
"How good it is to lie with the Second Prince," they said, and they flicked their fans as their mouths stretched, garish with bright red lipstick.
"They say if you lie with him, he will gift you with riches and give you much pleasure."
No one knew him. They skated on the surface of him, not knowing his deeper secrets. The cracks in his perfect character.
I want to be King, he thought, as he watched Gautier laugh with his wife at the center of the ballroom, Audrey standing beside him, regal as a statue. If no one will love me, then let them fear and respect me as their King.
The people would love and care about their king. Jacob stood out in the balcony and looked out at the night sky, at the sliver of moon rising from the shadows.
If he died now, no one would mourn for him. His hands tightened over the balcony railing.
He wished to have a funeral fit for a king.
xXx
.
She was acting strange again. Jacob narrowed his eyes as Audrey paced in front of him, the fabric of her skirt dragging along the dirt path as she walked back and forth in front of her roses.
"Okay, this is good. We can get ahead of this. All you need to do is tell Father Count Hugues is colluding with Aragon, that way we can get rid of him."
Jacob raised an eyebrow. "You seem so certain we're up to something nefarious," Jacob said. He spread his hands. "If I were to tell you we are completely innocent, I suspect you would be disappointed."
"I already told you, I know what you're freaking up to, I read it in the novel."
"Well perhaps you should just tattle to our brother, then," Jacob said.
Why was he even entertaining this? Jacob rubbed his head. Ever since Audrey got her hands on that mysterious black tablet, she'd been acting even more erratic.
"I'm not gonna tell him," Audrey said.
"I beg your pardon?" Jacob said. Audrey spread her hands.
"I told you: I'm here to help you. But if you wanna go commit treason and get your stupid ass beheaded, be my guest. I'll just go and rule as fuckin' queen, then."
"Perhaps you won't say anything, because what you're telling me is equally as treasonous," Jacob said.
"Nope," Audrey said. Jacob raised his eyebrows.
"'Nope'?"
"Nope. It's not. I could just tell Father the shit you're up to and have him throw you in the gallows. Seriously, dude, no one likes you. You think if you were innocent, anyone would actually help you?"
Jacob glared. "So why are you helping me, then?"
"I told you, I like you."
"Haa." Jacob rubbed his head. "We're talking in circles. I don't understand you."
"I get where you're coming from. You got abandoned by your family; the Viscount disowned you. And then you were thrown in the freaking capital where your mom killed herself and your real dad and siblings hate you."
Jacob sighed exasperated. "If this is some pathetic ploy-"
"It's not a stupid fucking ploy, I'm telling you the truth. I'm not smart enough to manipulate you."
Jacob straightened. If anything, Audrey has always been smarter and more composed than him.
"You wanna be king?" Audrey said. She spread her hands. "Okay, fine. Just do what you're gonna do, but leave Bianca de Arno out of it."
"Leave her out of it? Why? She's the linchpin of my plans."
"Well she already lived that life where you succeeded, so she probably already knows you're down for treason-"
"'Down' for treason? I don't understand a word of what you've said," Jacob said. Audrey gestured, exasperated.
"I'd rather you not kill anyone," Audrey said. "It's bad for my conscience. But I get it: the whole King thing is because you wanna be loved or some shit. So just, you know. Stay the course. Go collude with Aragon or whatever. Just stick to the plan and don't get distracted."
She handed him a bushel of roses. "I gotta go host a tea party or something. Just...do whatever it is you're gonna do. Just leave me out of it."
She started to walk away. Jacob furrowed his brow.
"You really aren't going to tell anyone?" he said. Audrey turned around.
"I'm on your side, Jacob." Jacob stiffened. Audrey looked at him with a neutral expression. "I think it's really shitty what happened to you. If I were transmigrated back when we were kids, maybe you wouldn't have turned out like this. But I guess the damage is already done. Go work on becoming king, then."
She turned her back on him, walking down the garden path, before meeting up with her maidservants.
xXx
.
He met with the lesser nobles. A group of vipers who were scheming to put him on the throne as their puppet. Usually he was okay to manipulate them but today it seemed more tiring to do so.
Audrey was sitting in the salon, cross-stitching. "Ow, fuck!" she said, as a needle pricked her finger. She screwed her face up in concentration, and tried cross-stitching again. "Ow! Son of a bitch-"
"Problems, dear sister?" Jacob raised his eyebrows. Audrey looked up.
"Hey, you," she said, setting her cross-stitch down. Jacob walked toward her.
How odd. Normally his sister would have a sour look on her face, turning her nose at the mere sight of him. But now she was looking at him with almost a look of affection. She smiled at him.
"I suck at cross-stitch," Audrey said, showing him. Jacob smirked.
"You might as well stain those roses with the blood from your fingers."
"Did you have that meeting with those nobles?" Audrey asked, and Jacob felt an unfamiliar pang in his chest, because no one had actually asked him about his day before, no one cared enough about him.
"I did," Jacob said. He sat next to her. "It was aggravating and tiresome."
"Because those guys want to use you. I'm telling you, you should give up this king bullshit and spend your riches. Let Gautier go and handle it."
"I cannot believe my studious and upright little sister is suggesting I merely spend my birthright instead of doing anything constructive."
"I'm telling you, you fucking hit the lotto!" His expression on his face quickly told her he didn't have the slightest clue what a 'lotto' was, because she amended, "I mean, it's like you gambled and you hit the jackpot. You're the freaking Second Prince. You live in a fucking palace. We're in a peaceful kingdom. There's no wars right now. All you literally have to do is spend some money and screw around.
"What do you do on your days off?" Audrey asked. Jacob scoffed. "No seriously. When you're not scheming or sexually harassing married noblewomen, what do you like to do for fun?"
"'Fun'?" Jacob echoed. Audrey leaned forward excitedly. Jacob frowned at her. "I do not have 'fun.'"
Audrey smirked. "Really? Fucking those chicks from the royal court isn't fun?"
"It's just pleasure - and what on earth are you saying? 'Chicks'? As in baby chickens?"
"Oh, sorry. 'Chicks' as in women. It's just a colloquialism, not a pejorative."
Jacob rubbed his head.
"What do you do for fun?" he asked. Audrey waved at him.
"Obviously not cross-stitch." She tossed the circle frame back onto the desk. "If it was back in my world, I guess reading and scrolling the internet - er, that's that thing I showed you on my phone. By the way," Audrey said, leaning closer to him. "Since we're on speaking terms now, I'd like you to call me by my name. At least when we're alone. Is that okay?"
Jacob frowned. "You wish for me to call you 'Audrey'?"
"No. I'd like you to call me 'Mayumi.'"
Jacob stopped. Audrey was looking out the window into the courtyard, where a group of maids were hanging laundry. There was a small smile on her lips, her face holding a wistful expression. "It's hard, you know," she said, "waking up in some strange place in a completely different body. I don't know what happened to your sister, but I'd like to think she woke up in my place and is surrounded by a bunch of hotties."
"H-hotties?"
"Er, attractive men at my workplace."
"I see."
Jacob fell silent. Audrey's gaze shifted from the courtyard back to him. She smiled as she looked at him.
"Very well," Jacob said. "If you wish it, I shall call you 'Mayumi.'"
"Thank you," Audrey said. She brightened. "It makes me feel better knowing someone knows the real me."
"I still don't understand why you won't tell Father or Gautier," Jacob said. "We have access to the royal scholars. There might be some way to get you to return to your world. And yet you only told me."
"I know." Audrey smiled again at her hands. "I don't think they could do anything for me," she said. "Plus that Saint stuff is fraught. They could execute me for heresy."
That made sense. For a brief, shameful moment, Jacob thought perhaps there was something special about him. But no - they both had secrets. Mutual blackmail suited them.
"Plus, you know, I like you and I felt bad for you. And I really think it sucks how you died in the novel, having no one who cared about you."
Jacob lifted his eyes. Audrey was still sitting in front of him, smiling guilelessly at him. She was so different from the cold, aloof sister he'd grown up with.
"Anyway," she said, and her eyes closed into two adorable crescents, "it just makes me happy that you'll call me 'Mayumi.' So even though you're a pain in the ass, I don't mind it."
Jacob let out a startled laugh. "Thanks," he said. Mayumi smiled at him.
xXx
.
"This is such a pain in the ass!" Mayumi said. She was huffing in the dirt, a sheen of sweat on her forehead, while Jacob lugged bags of fertilizer behind her. "I fucking hate gardening."
"Well you'd better get used to it, otherwise people might start to suspect something." He hefted the bags of manure down, swiping his hand across his forehead.
They bonded over their mutual hatred of horse manure, Mayumi gagging as she and Jacob raked it over the flower beds. His sister used to tend to the garden herself, dutifully spreading fertilizer and weeding the plants, not even entrusting the royal gardener to do it. "She was a fucking weirdo," Mayumi said, and Jacob laughed, touching his head.
"Oh, Jacob, no!" Mayumi laughed, and she tugged Jacob close to wipe the smudge of manure he'd accidentally wiped onto his forehead. "Jesus fuck, you have shit on your head."
"My lady?" the servants peered around the corner. Mayumi's smile slipped a notch. Jacob cleared his throat as Mayumi stepped away from him.
"Yes, what is it?" she said. The maids came toward her.
"His Highness the Crown Prince wants a word with you."
"Just a moment," she said to Jacob, before hitching up her skirts and walking toward them.
There was a void in his time when he wasn't with her, and Jacob hovered around the palace, making the perfunctory rounds with his allies and his spymasters, collecting all the little secrets of the other nobles. It wasn't until a few hours later that Mayumi caught up with him again.
"I think he's getting jealous," Mayumi said. She flounced on the sofa next to him.
"Jealous?" Jacob said, and Mayumi plopped her head against his shoulder.
"Old four-eyes just can't get a grip." She held out her hand, looking at her dirty nails. "He thinks us mucking around the garden is suspicious."
"What did you tell him?" Jacob asked.
"I told him I was getting to know my dear other brother and that it was good to have friendly family relations." She turned her head to look at him. "I also told him not to ride any horses."
"Still afraid I'll find a way to assassinate him?"
"Yeah, as if. You're more likely to seduce his wife than assassinate him."
She was leaning against his shoulder. Somehow, her hand had found its way to his lap; she was absently stroking the skin of his knuckles with the tips of her fingers. "Hey, you know that stupid centennial ball?"
"Yes. What of it?"
"Do you have someone you're going with?"
Jacob shifted to look at her.
"I was wondering if you'd be my date?" Mayumi said. "I'm not comfortable enough faking being a noble with anyone for a long time, plus I don't know how to dance, and I can't figure out a good enough excuse to get a private tutor for etiquette lessons, since supposedly I already know it."
Jacob furrowed his brow. "If you wish it," Jacob said. "Or if you'd rather I tutored you instead-"
"Really?" she pushed up on her hands to look at him. Jacob held out his hands.
"If you would permit it."
"Really, really?!"
Jacob scowled at her. "You are acting like a child again."
"Thank god you're on my side! I don't even know how to dance." She sagged on his chest again. "But wait. Aren't you dating a few of the other ladies? I wouldn't be getting in the way?"
"Of course not," Jacob said. He smiled. "You are my beloved sister. Of course I would deign to help you."
xXx
.
The nobles were growing antsy. "Why are we not meeting?" they said. Jacob sniffed at them.
"I am much too busy."
"But Your Highness-"
He turned on his heel, striding away from them.
xXx
.
"So, curtsy, hold my hands out, uh. Hold you...here?" Mayumi said. Jacob smirked and repositioned her hands, pressing one to his waist, holding her other one in the air.
"Follow my lead," he said. "Step, back, and together. You see? Step, back, together."
"These shoes are really shitty," Mayumi glanced at her feet.
"Focus, Mayumi. Lest you make an ass of yourself in front of the kingdom."
They spent most of their days together, Jacob taking it upon himself to follow Mayumi like an irritating shadow. "Your posture is wrong," he said. He tapped her back. "Your shoulders are hunched. You give off a dark aura. Don't scowl like that."
"Hai, hai, Dance Master Jacob-oniisama."
"What?" Jacob said. Mayumi looked up at him.
"It was Japanese for Lord Elder Brother Jacob," Mayumi said. She grinned. "I was being sarcastic."
She showed him rare glimpses of her life in the other world, opening up her photos app on her phone. "Just for a few minutes," she said, showing him, and Jacob's eyes widened at the glittering towers and the skyscrapers reaching up like sentinels, 30 second videos of Mayumi videoing herself in a train station or an airport, the grainy video showing airplanes taxiing down the runway before rising in the sky.
"Ninety-four percent," Mayumi said, looking at her phone. "The battery's going down even when I'm not using it." She turned the phone off again, the slate stone darkening in her hand.
"Mayumi, may I ask? Have you been with many men?" Jacob asked. Mayumi shook her head.
"I had a college boyfriend," she said. She looked out into the distance. "He was kind of an asshole, but I loved him."
"What happened to him?"
"Broke up. Story of my existence."
Jacob fell quiet.
He didn't believe in love. It was enough to indulge in court romances, simple pleasures between two consenting people. Even if his paramour were married, it didn't matter to him.
What would it be like to be a necessary existence? He watched Mayumi as she knelt into the loamy earth, tugging out the weeds from her garden and swiping the sweat from her forehead. What would it feel like, being important to someone? What would it be like to be cared by them? There was a warm breeze which stirred the small strands of hair by Mayumi's nape. She smiled, looking up at him.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked, and once again, it was the first time anyone had noticed. No one ever asked about him. Jacob smiled but felt a warmth behind his eyes, and found he didn't have an answer.