.
.
Prince Gautier kept trying to get himself killed.
"He fell off a horse!" the servants said.
"What the fuck?!" Mebuki said, and she ran after him.
In the foyer, Gautier was groaning. There was a bandage around his head as the royal physicians frantically treated him.
"You didn't have anything to do with this?" Mebuki said to Jacob. Jacob held up his hands and shook his head.
xXx
.
"He's allergic to peanuts?" Mebuki kicked open the kitchen doors and smacked the dessert out from the chef's hands.
"He cut his hand trying to joust?!" Mebuki accosted the knights who had goodnaturedly teased the Crown Prince that perhaps the future king should mount a steed and try jousting for once.
"He fell into a fucking lake in the middle of winter?!" Mebuki raged, incensed that the Crown Prince somehow thought it was a great idea to go ice skating, nevermind the big DO NOT SKATE sign and the frantic locals begging him not to try it.
"Oh my god. It's like the universe wants to choke him out." Mebuki sagged, once again narrowly preventing the Crown Prince's accidental death, this time from a wayward arrow from a hunting accident.
Gautier scowled. "I am not some wayward child," he said. His arm was in a sling and his head was bandaged. He glared at Mebuki from behind his broken glasses. Mebuki pleaded with him.
"Brother, I am begging you. Father is ill and you are next in line to the Crown."
"You think I do not know that?" Gautier said. Mebuki huffed.
"I swear to god I'm going to bubble wrap him," Mebuki said to Jacob, when they were alone in the bedroom. Jacob tilted his head.
"What is 'bubble wrap'?"
"it's like packaging material when you're shipping something delicate."
Mebuki leaned back. Technically, why should she care if Gautier goes and kills himself? Except people were whispering that Jacob was somehow masterminding it, nevermind the fact that he'd been too twitterpatted and distracted to do something like that.
"Sister, I would like to speak with you a moment," Gautier said. They were in the meeting room just after the other nobles left. Mebuki crossed her arms and waited for him. "This has to do with the matter of our succession."
Gautier cleared his throat. His fingertips rested on a stack of papers. "If Father dies and I die, my son Albert is next in line. But he is much too young to be Crown Prince. I fear Jacob will try to take advantage."
"Trust me, Brother. Jacob doesn't give a shit."
"Sister, I don't know what lies Jacob has been feeding you, but he has always been eyeing the position of Crown Prince." Gautier pushed up his glasses. "Sister, I want you to rule in Albert's stead."
"What about your wife? Can't she rule as Dowager Queen until Albert comes of age? I'm sure all the nobles would back it."
"My wife is a lesser noble whose position is weaker than Jacob's. People will try to target her and Albert. I just want my family to be safe." Gautier looked at her.
"Audrey," Gautier said. "My dearest sister. If I pass, I want you to be the Crown Princess."
"Eh?" Mebuki said.
"I already spoke with the other nobles. If I die, they are willing to back you."
"Don't fucking die, then," Mebuki said.
"Sister-"
"No, this is bullshit. Do you want me to get Jacob? I promise you, he doesn't care anymore, and actually, he'd be a better ruler than I would be, he'd actually know what the hell he was doing."
"Sister!" Gautier reared up, aghast. Mebuki spread her hands.
"Okay," Mebuki said. She ran her hands through her hair. "Shit, okay. I think I need to level with you."
"'Level' with me? What does that mean?"
"It means I gotta come fucking clean." Mebuki fiddled with her dress sleeves. "Hold on a second. Lemme go get my phone."
xXx
.
Gautier sagged, staring at the phone.
"What happened to Audrey?" he asked. Mebuki gestured helplessly.
"I don't know. She might have taken over my old body."
"Then are you a Saint? Is that what this is?"
"I have no idea," Mebuki said.
"And this...manhwa cartoon novelization...this was a portent of the future, which we've since banished?"
"Something like that," Mebuki said. Gautier held his head.
"So you told him?" Jacob said, coming around the corner. Mebuki nodded.
"He was gonna blow up our peaceful life. There was no helping it."
"So does this mean we don't have to use condoms?" Jacob asked.
"What?" Gautier said. Mebuki widened her eyes at Jacob.
I didn't tell him about us, dumbass, shut the fuck up.
"I'm so glad! We will have to tell Father. Once we have the baby, Brother, you will have to help us since you have experience."
"Oh my fucking god," Mebuki said. Jacob sparkled while Gautier sputtered.
xx
"You! Insolent! Impudent! Reprobate! Malcontent!"
Gautier was shaking Jacob while Mebuki was desperately trying to wedge herself between them. "How could you?!" Gautier raged. "How could you defile the body of our precious sister?!"
"Gautier, Gautier, wait-" Mebuki shouldered herself between them. Gautier shouted.
"And you! Whatever loose woman you are, how could you let this man penetrate his own little sister?!"
"Brother, a moment-" Jacob started. Gautier swung at him.
Jacob ducked, Gautier's fist ramming into the wall behind him. "Aggh!" Gautier said. He gripped his scraped knuckles, glaring at them.
"She's not our sister, Brother! She's just a woman who looks like our sister-"
"And where is Audrey, then?!" Gautier flew up to his full height, strands of hair falling out from his ponytail. He shoved up his glasses, catching his breath. "Our sister must be so scared! What did you do with her?"
"I didn't do anything, I just woke up here-"
"I shall take you to the Church and have you tried as a heretic!" Gautier said. He grabbed Mebuki's arm.
"Wait-" Mebuki struggled. Jacob punched him.
The servants hesitantly converged into the hall. "The princes are fighting," they whispered. Footsteps came with increasing speed.
"What in the seven hells are you doing?" Zachary de Arno, in the flesh, manfully entered between them.
"Zachary. Thank god you're here." Gautier straightened, blowing a strand of hair from his face. Behind them, Bianca de Arno gripped her hands, her lace shawl falling over her arms and her big green eyes widened. "The body of my sister has been possessed, and Jacob here has carnal knowledge of her."
("Ma'am, should we go wait in the courtyard?" Yvonne asked Bianca. Bianca nodded.
"This looks to be quite complicated.")
xXx
.
The mornings in Arno were peaceful. Sunlight fell in slanted rays across the mouth of the sky, illuminating the bright green grassland below them. The clouds would part, and sunshine would fall on the territory like a spotlight, the grasses blowing gently.
Nothing of Bianca's first life, the apocalyptic visions of war and death, came to pass; instead, she had a peaceful marriage with her husband, one filled with love and trust and comfort. She woke in the mornings and inspected their territory, watching with rapt attention as her husband herded horses. She spoke with the townspeople, got to know the locals. Saw the flowers bloom in springtime and the summer warmth blossoming with raspberries.
It was a peaceful life. She stood overlooking their territory, watching her husband riding, and slid her hand over her belly. She had never known this kind of peace in her first life. She had never known she could be this happy.
"The King of Sevran is summoning us to Lahoz," Zachary said. He kissed Bianca on the temple. "Would you like to come with me?"
"Of course," Bianca said, smiling.
xXx
.
"I do not understand what I am looking at," Zachary said, looking at the phone.
Bianca knitted her brow. In front of her, Crown Prince Gautier was agitated, pacing and peering over Zachary's shoulder, while Second Prince Jacob waited smugly behind them.
"Those are pictures," Mebuki said, leaning forward. She swiped her finger up the phone. "Ah, this is me. This is what I look like in my world. And this here is the city. This is a video," Mebuki said, and they crowded around the phone, rapt by the miracle.
Eighty-eight percent. The battery on the corner still looked full, but a slight sliver of black edged the bar. "What is this?" Zachary said, and his finger pointed to the airplane icon in the corner.
"Oh, it's on something called 'airplane mode,' that way it won't waste battery looking for a carrier signal."
Zachary knitted his brow. He understood the words individually, but the meaning was lost on him.
"So what happens when I press this?" he asked, swiping up, and his finger pressed the blue AIRPLANE mode button off.
"Don't do that, it'll run out of battery and I won't be able to charge it," Mebuki said. She started to take the phone from him when her eyes widened.
"What the fuck?" she grabbed her phone. "I have signal here. What the fuck?!"
"'Signal'?" Zachary and Gautier glanced at each other. Mebuki opened her contacts and tried to dial.
Call dropped. Mebuki gritted her teeth, then tried texting. The texts were left unsent in error.
"This is crazy, how do I even have a signal?" she stalked around. Her eyes widened.
"These photos are updating from the cloud!" Mebuki opened her photos app, staring. "I didn't take these pictures - where the hell are these photos coming from?"
There was a video. Mebuki tapped the icon.
xXx
.
"Um, hello. Testing, one two, one two...this is Audulie de Sevran, First Princess and daughter of King Sevran, from the city of Lahoz. Hello."
They crowded around Mebuki's phone, staring as Princess Audulie's selfie video streamed from the cloud.
"Oh? What's this? Why is this making me look like a rabbit?" Audulie looked confused as an overlay of a rabbit filter popped on her face. Offscreen, Tomoko's voice floated in the background.
"That's a filter, princess," Tomoko said. She came into frame. The filter popped a rabbit over her face. Tomoko flashed the peace sign, grinning. "Lemme turn this off a second," and the video stopped streaming.
"Where is she?!" Gautier said. Zachary looked confused while Mebuki shook her head. "That's my sister! Where is she?"
"Can we perhaps try contacting her?" Zachary said. "Perhaps through this 'video' or 'chat' app?"
"Wow, you're really smart, aren't you?" Mebuki said, impressed. Bianca preened, proud of her husband. "I can't call, but maybe I can try emailing her...?"
"Email?" Zachary and Gautier looked lost. Mebuki waved her hand.
"Hold on a second, I'm losing battery, lemme do this really quick."
xXx
.
From: Mebuki Mayumi
To: Tomoko Tomokawa
Subject: SOS
I saw that video Princess Audrey took. It synced to the cloud. I have my phone here but I don't have much signal. I'm trapped inside a novel, I think we both switched places. Everything here is medieval. Please write back. I don't have much battery but I'll check in two days. I hope you get this.
Tomoko opened up her email. Her eyes widened.
xXx
.
"It didn't send?!" Mebuki cried, as she realized the email had bounced back, there weren't enough bars to send it.
In a no-name apartment in the middle of Tokyo, Tomoko was staring wide-eyed at the computer.
"There's a flash sale on designer bags!" Tomoko said, stars in her eyes as Audulie peered curiously behind her shoulder.
xXx
.
The King had summoned Zachary to confer him the title of Duke of Arno, a reward for peacefully ending the hostilities between the kingdoms of Sevran and Aragon and opening trade relations between them.
"Congratulations," Gautier said. Bianca beamed at them as Gautier clapped Zachary on the shoulder.
Mebuki had cornered the couple in the hallway and begged them to keep her identity a secret. "Please," she said. "Only my brothers know what happened. I can't risk this getting out there until I know what to do about it."
Bianca and Zachary glanced at each other. "I too know what it's like to keep a secret," Bianca said. She clasped Mebuki's hands. Mebuki's eyes welled with tears.
"You're so freaking awesome!" Mebuki wailed, as Zachary was taken aback and Bianca let out a startled laugh.
"Worry not, Your Highness," Bianca said. She squeezed Mebuki's hands "I'm still grateful with how you helped me at the ball and handled all that vicious gossip."
"I mean," Mebuki sniffed, wiping her eyes. "I just copied what they did in the novel."
"But still. You helped me out immensely. For that I am forever grateful."
Mebuki was there personally to see them off, standing at the drawbridge and waving a handkerchief as the now Duke and Duchess of Arno left in their caravan.
"I wonder if I should've told her how you made her life a living hell as the novel's antagonist?" Mebuki said, as Jacob stepped beside her. He rested his chin on her head.
"I don't see why you would want to make yourself jealous."
"Oi." Mebuki smacked him.
In the meeting room, Gautier's face was pinched. "What now?" he said, as Jacob and Mebuki approached him.
Jacob spread his hands. "We are at your whim."
"And yet you seem oddly confident."
"Only because, should you tell Mayumi's secret, the others would think you were an unfit lunatic."
"Are you saying the Crown would go to you instead?"
"You guys!" Mebuki said. Jacob and Gautier turned to look at her. She waved her hands, exasperated. "Jesus."
"I still cannot believe you seduced her," Gautier grumbled. Jacob gave him a smug look.
"Would you rather I seduce your wife instead of our sister?"
"Oh my god, can we not bring up the incest?" Mebuki said. Jacob grinned at Gautier, his eyes never leaving him.
"Why? I am perfectly fine with it."
Gautier sighed, exasperated. "Goddammit, Jacob."
"Hmm."
"Okay." Mebuki muscled between them. "Jacob is a smug arrogant bitch. He's annoying, we get it. Are you gonna keep my secret?"
Gautier glowered. "I need to decide what's in the kingdom's best interests."
"It's none of the kingdom's fucking business."
"The First Princess has been replaced." He pushed up his glasses. "I would say it's everyone's business. Especially if that scoundrel got you pregnant."
Mebuki gestured. "Couldn't we call it immaculate conception?"
Jacob grinned. "I say we tell Father and let me take her hand in marriage."
"You can't marry your sister, idiot," Gautier said.
"She isn't our sister, Brother. Who here is the idiot?" Jacob said.
"Oh my god, stop it," Mebuki said. They both turned to look at her. Mebuki gestured. "For the record, I've been pretending to be Audrey for over a year now, and no one's been the wiser. Why can't we just continue?"
"Because you are sleeping with our vile half-brother."
"Mayumi, can't we just kill him?" Jacob said. Mebuki whirled around.
"No, Jacob! We can't just kill him!"
"It would be so easy. Even a strong wind would best him," Jacob said.
"You can't kill him, Jacob! First of all, the line of succession would go to Albert, not you. Second of all, if you wanna kill him, you'd have to kill the Crown Princess and their kid too! Are you seriously thinking about killing off their whole family? And what about the Count of Blood and Iron? He's Gautier's friend, he'll be pissed if you kill them!"
"Well, he's a Duke now, not a Count," Jacob said.
"Jacob!"
"Should I be concerned that you two are discussing my potential assassination?" Gautier said.
"You mean Jacob is. I'm telling him not to."
"Alright." Gautier sighed, rubbing his head. "I'll keep your secret. You're right, it's been a year, no one thus far has noticed."
"Thank you," Mebuki said. Gautier glared.
"But you cannot keep sleeping with him," Gautier said.
"Wait, Brother-"
"That's right, I am your Brother, as well as he is! It is an abomination against nature! Think of what would happen if you were pregnant!" Gautier said.
Jacob mused, "We could still get condoms."
"Another word and I will cut you where you stand," Gautier said.
"Are you sure that sword won't be too heavy, Brother? Wouldn't it be too difficult to swing with your soft womanly hands?"
"Your hands are pretty soft," Mebuki said to Gautier. Gautier glared at them.
"I will not leave her," Jacob said. He stood in front of Mebuki, glaring at him. "She is mine. I will not give up on her."
Mebuki clutched her chest. Jacob was glaring, his eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. Gautier took a step back.
"You really love her, don't you?" Gautier studied them. His scoundrel brother finally had someone to protect. And if he thought about it, the woman was a good influence on him.
"Fine," Gautier said, and the tension between them dissipated. "Do what you will. But don't cry to me if she gets pregnant."
Jacob beamed. "I hope to have many children!"
"Oi!" Mebuki smacked him.