.
.
"Might I offer a suggestion?" Zachary said.
Jacob's eyes narrowed. Fucking Zachary de Arno, the bane of his existence, the dumb luck war hero and puppy dog idiot who somehow managed to fail upwards, modernizing his territory after sojourning to Tokyo (that was a whole ordeal, Zachary getting stuck in Japan with his generals, but evidently all it took to return was one mysterious note and a simple phone call), was invited to the capital again, both to show off all the modern improvements in his territory as well as laud the arrival of his firstborn daughter. Jacob didn't want to talk to him - he'd rather drown in the ocean or throw himself off the nearest tower - but his father exhorted him, and Mayumi wanted to hear what Zachary did to his land after visiting Tokyo.
Now he was speaking to Jacob as if they were equals, heartfelt and earnest, after having heard about Jacob's meltdown at the palace (Gautier told him, that bastard. Apparently Jacob was the source of much palace gossip).
"As one married man to another, the foundation of a good marriage is trust."
"Trust?" Jacob scoffed. His fingers itched to grab the hilt of his sword and slice Zachary de Arno's stupid earnest face off.
"Trust," Zachary said. "Fidelity and trust are the pillars of a true marriage. You must meet her halfway and have the patience to make her feel safe and cherished."
"I do not remember entertaining an alliance or even anything close to friendship. Why is it you are talking to me?"
"We are closer in bond than you presuppose: I know your lady's secret, and it is by my wife's grace that those sordid rumors about you and her persist."
"Ugh."
"So believe me when I say we are invested in your marriage. Specifically that you stay faithful and not make eyes at my wife instead."
"Your wife is a cow," Jacob said. Zachary smiled.
"You are wrong, but it pleases me to hear you say that."
"Ugh."
xXx
.
"What the fuck am I looking at?" Mebuki said.
In the banquet hall, Zachary de Arno, the erstwhile Count of Blood and Iron, Duke of Arno and Protector of the Crown, was looking like a giant fucking weeb, dressed in a too-small black anime T-shirt and crocs with white socks.
"That shirt is too small, that looks like the size that fits a child," Mebuki said. Zachary smiled.
"Ah, but the good Lady Tomoko told me the sizes I chose were much too large, she explained smaller sizes were better for staying close to the body during vigorous activity."
The shirt was skintight and his muscles were threatening to burst through the seams. Tomoko's voice echoed in Mebuki's ear. I got you, girl. She could imagine Tomoko winking, flashing her a smirking thumbs up.
The nobles peered at him, curious. "Lord Zachary, pray, what is that picture on your tunic? Some manner of yellow rabbit?"
"That is a 'Pikachu,'" Zachary said.
"How darling," a noblewoman said. "I too wish to have a 'pikachu.'"
"I as well would like to have a raiment such as this," Gautier said, fingering Zachary's sleeve. "The material is so soft and well-woven."
"It is cotton. It is lightweight and breathable and quite nice to wear during training. We have gifted you many such 'shirts' such as this. I myself have given these shirts to my men to train in."
"You look like a clown," Jacob said, as Zachary started walking by him. Bianca elegantly took Zachary's hand.
"My regrets, Your Highness," she said, swishing past him."You simply do not understand what it is to be at the forefront of fashion."
xXx
.
"Tomoko!" Mebuki said, and she ran and bear-hugged Tomoko, who threw her arms around her.
"You're blonde!" Tomoko said. Mebuki laughed and touched her hair, self-conscious. "Oh my God, you're so pretty, I can't take it!"
"Lady Mayumi," Audulie said, in perfect Japanese. Mebuki's eyes widened.
It was like a funhouse mirror, except the kind that made you look like a photoshopped version of a supermodel. Her skin was poreless. Her hair was perfectly done, without the slightest bit of frizz or out-of-place strands, shiny like a shampoo commercial. Even her eyes were brighter, sparkling deep brown.
"Wow!" Mebuki said, coming up to her. "I look amazing! How did you do this?"
"I know not what you mean, Lady Mayumi, this is the body that was granted to me."
"And what do you think of me?" she asked, spreading her arms out, dressed in her fancy dress and heavy fabrics, her hair done up in the style of a royal princess. But unlike her counterpart, Mebuki's eyes had bags from not sleeping, her hair was frizzy, and her dress was muddy from tramping around the courtyard garden. Audulie smiled.
"You certainly look…ah. Like you have worked quite hard," Audulie said, smiling diplomatically.
"Eh?! Seriously? It's not that bad! Really?"
Audulie's eyes closed into two crescents as she laughed politely.
xXx
.
"I thought I wouldn't see you for decades," Mebuki said to Jun, whose frowned deepened.
"I told you time moves faster here, making those changes would take us a couple hours, so a few decades would pass here. But as soon as I went to log off, someone went and breached our tunnel," Jun said, as Audulie let out a dainty laugh and Mebuki rolled her eyes at the image of Zachary causing a ruckus in the middle of the city. "But since you two are willing to temporarily trade places, we can try to get this tunnel stabilized."
"How will this work?" Audulie said.
"You will stay on one end, and she'll go on the other, and you two will cross the threshold at the same time."
"Got it," Mebuki said.
They positioned themselves at opposite ends of the tunnel. Tomoko leaned toward Jun.
"So are their bodies gonna morph back when they cross the tunnel?" Tomoko said. Jun nodded.
"If everything is working, they should revert back to their original base character model.
"Okay you two, get ready," Jun called. Mebuki's finger twitched. Audulie took position. "Go!"
They started running. They passed the threshold, running past each other.
Nothing happened.
"Wait, what the fuck," Mebuki said. "I'm still the same."
"Wherefore haven't our bodies switched? Wasn't that what was promised?" Audulie said.
"Hmm." Jun tapped on his tablet. The tablet whirred. "It looks like instead of transposing characters, it seems the data from your memory sets had overwrote the existing model's."
"Wait, what?" Mebuki said.
Jun gestured. "It appears you are Princess Audulie, but with Mebuki Mayumi's memories."
"Wait what?"
"You two weren't the glitch," Jun said. He pointed to his tablet. "Your phone and your pouch of jewels were the glitch."
"I…I am Mebuki Mayumi? Not Audulie de Sevran, but Lady Mayumi, with Audulie's memories?" Audulie said.
Jun gestured. "I mean, what is a person except their memories?" he said.
"I need to check something," Mebuki said. She grabbed Tomoko's phone.
"Oh fucking shit!" Mebuki said.
"What?" Tomoko said.
"It's the author's Twitter," Mebuki said, showing her.
xXx
.
[ MarriageofConvenience at MarriageofConvenienceOfficial:]
[ That is an interesting theory! But Jacob really is the son of the king. He is the tragic villain shunned by his parents and half-siblings ]
"Fuck fuck fuck FUCK!" Mebuki said, showing Jacob. Jacob tilted his head.
"Is that all? Why are you so upset?"
"Because I'm your original fucking sister! This is fucking incest!"
"But that was a novel."
"Yeah, but—"
"Did you not say your friend did not expose himself as he did in that manga? There is still a chance that 'tweet' is wrong. I do not see the problem," Jacob said.
xXx
.
Mebuki stared at Jacob like a wet cat, crouching warily while Jacob approached the bed.
"What is it?" Jacob asked. Mebuki kept staring suspiciously at him.
"This body is the same body that shunned you when you were kids."
"And?"
"And! This body is the same body that treated you like shit."
"And this body is the body I'd like to make love to. I don't give a damn about any of this."
"What if we have some weird incest baby?!" Mebuki said. "What if, like, our chromosomes combined lead to some freaky genetic deformity?"
"I know not what these 'chromosomes' are, but I imagine if the child is deformed, we would love him regardless," Jacob said.
"Why are you so cute?!" Mebuki raged. Jacob blinked, his hair bouncing a little with the movement. "How the fuck are you being so goddamn reasonable?!"
"Wasn't the other day you were worried you didn't really exist?"
"Yeah, but-"
"But. As you say. This is a simulation." Jacob crawled toward her. "We are but characters in a book of elaborate pretend. You were once my sister. But now you are my wife and lover."
"What is it with your face? Why the fuck are you so good-looking?! How the fuck are you looking at me with those bedroom eyes, it's making me goddamn horny!"
"Hm." He smiled and kissed her chastely. "If you are uncomfortable, I shall wait."
"Wait. Seriously?"
Jacob sighed. "A simple man told me it is a virtue to be patient in the face of adversity."
"...Was this simple man wearing a fucking anime T-shirt and cargo pants?"
"The one and only." He covered her hand with his hand. "I am content just to hold you, if you'll allow me."
This was weird. This was really fucking weird. Mebuki was stiff and awkward as Jacob scooted toward her, frantically combing through her memories for any glimpse of Audulie's childhood. But there were none - she remembered her childhood in Japan, her Japanese mother and father. How she learned English in high school and interned in South Korea.
"I don't feel like Audulie," Mebuki said. She looked at her hands - well-manicured, her nails tapered in fine ovals. They were so different from her hands in Japan, her nails clipped short because she couldn't be bothered. "I feel like I'm me, but I just took over Audulie's body."
Mebuki fell quiet. Jacob said nothing, but his body was warm, and his fingers were making soothing half-circles on the small of her back, and his chest rose and fell comfortably as she lay against him. If she moved her cheek, she could hear his heartbeat.
"I mean, I guess siscon incest is on-brand for a crazy yandere villain."
Jacob chuckled. He reached across her body to sniff out the candle, the room enveloping in darkness. Around them, there were soft night sounds and the sound of the sheets rustling.
"You don't think it's weird?" Mebuki said. Jacob shook his head.
"I do not think you are the same person. But even if you were, I shall always love you, regardless."
They kissed. It was soft and intimate.
The incest thing was a red herring, if she thought about it. She decided to approach the whole thing like a beatnik poet: they're in a computer, it's a simulation. Who cares, anyway, nothing matters, she'll just headcanon they're not related.
Mebuki resolved not to think about it.
xXx
.
"You guys can go to Tokyo and get your DNA tested," Tomoko said.
Mebuki jumped at her. "Why the fuck would you suggest that?! At least I have plausible deniability right now, now I'm fucking gonna have to know a hundred percent!"
"So? You guys are already married. And I thought you didn't care since you love Jacob."
"Ugh, I don't wanna do it," Mebuki said.
xXx
.
"Oh, we should," Jacob said, after Mebuki broached the subject. Mebuki sputtered. "Weren't you afraid of having grotesque deformed incest children?"
"Well what the fuck are we going to do if we find out we're related?"
Jacob shrugged. "Then I will simply admit that I've fallen in love with my sister."
"Ugh."
"It wouldn't matter," Jacob said. He took her hand in his. "I love you no matter who were our parents."
"Jacob, I don't know. I love you, but I don't think I can stay married to you if I were your real sister."
They didn't take the test. It was better for Mebuki's mental health to pretend this wasn't incest.