CHAPTER 1
Reports of the Voords remarkable feats had always piqued the Doctor's interest. He had first met them long ago in his first incarnation. On that occasion they had tried unsuccessfully to read his mind. Their leader at the time, Yartek led an invasion of the planet of Marinus. The Voord found a way to relieve themselves from the control of the Conscience of Marinus and sought to take control of it, thereby taking control of Marinus. They travelled to the island of the Conscience and killed Arbitan. When the Doctor and his companions returned with the Conscience's keys, Ian Chesterton stopped the Voord by handing Yartek a fake key, which destroyed the Conscience and killed Yartek.
But the current leader had assured the Doctor that their motives were completely honorable. The Doctor wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. He had invited his companions to a dinner in honour of their guests.
Michelle and the Doctor were walking along a corridor.
"It is perplexing to me that the Voord's ability to retrieve memory is so sought after. If an event is important enough to be recovered… why would it have been forgotten?"
Michelle pondered how to explain this. "It's not quite the same for us as it is for you, Doctor. You remember every second of every event in your life…"
"That is correct."
"And if you want to recall any one of those seconds, you can."
"My understanding of the Human and Blowfish brains suggests that the process is the same for you. Each memory is encoded in chains of molecules, and when you want to retrieve it, you simply access the proper RNA sequence."
"Well, yeah, that's true…"
"Then in what way is it different?"
"Sometimes… There are memories we just can't tap into. For instance… I have no recollection of what I did on my last birthday. "You'd think I'd remember how I spent the day. But I can't even remember where I was. On the other hand – I remember everything about the time I got my first pet… a Circassian cat. I was eight. I remember how funny he looked… how excited I was… it's as if it happened last week."
"Perhaps you remember the pleasant memories and forget the unpleasant ones?"
"Well, not really. Sometimes the bad memories are the most intense of all."
The Doctor found this all very difficult to follow. "It would seem there is no predictable pattern to Human and Blowfish memory."
Michelle was grateful for this summation – any summation – of an inexplicable subject. "It would seem."
In the galley an elegant dinner was being served to the TARDIS's guests of honour: Tarlak, the delegation leader, Brenner, and Lemon. The Doctor, Nita, Michelle and Carolyn were present.
"This 'library' of ours has been in the planning stages for years – a collection of the retrieved memories of races from many different star systems."
Lemon appeared sincere and idealistic about this dream; Tarlak, however, wanted centre stage, and interrupted him. Lemon subsided, though he was annoyed.
"What my son means to say is – we think of ourselves as 'archeologists of the mind." We believe that the history of a world is contained in the personal experiences of its people."
"Rather like the ancient oral historians of Earth."
"Exactly. The library we propose will be a vast storehouse of these individual memories."
"Sounds like quite a project… how long will it take to finish your studies on Kaldra?"
"Many months. We have been working for years, and have surveyed only eleven planets in eight star systems."
"But it's our way of life. We wouldn't want to do anything else."
Carolyn feigned innocence: "Doctor, Mister Tarlak gave us a demonstration of his abilities this afternoon. It's fascinating. Perhaps you'd like to resurrect some memories…"
She smiled sweetly as the Doctor gave her a piercing look. Tarlak, oblivious to the teasing, leaped in, eager to pick up on the opportunity.
"I'd be happy to probe your recollections, Doctor. Most people find it an enjoyable experience."
"I'm sure. However, I don't think I'm a particularly good candidate…"
"I'm sure you'd be ideal. And you must have some intriguing memories."
"We won't be on your ship for long. This might be your last opportunity."
"Yes, well…"
"Tarlak, you mustn't influence people. They must come to you willingly."
Tarlak shrugged. He enjoyed his work, liked to show off a little – to the consternation of the more serious, straight-laced Voords. "I have found, over the years, that there are many who want the experience of memory retrieval, but who need some encouragement in order to come forward." He turned and looked around; his eye fell on Nita. "You, Nita? I would love to explore your memories."
"I wouldn't allow myself to be 'probed'."
"There is nothing to fear…"
"Father…"
"I am not fearful."
"Michelle… would you like another turn?"
"I don't think so. Thanks anyway."
"I have rarely encountered such squeamish people! Carolyn… Nita, are you sure?"
Tarlak's pushiness was becoming a bit much; Carolyn came in to smooth things over. "Mister Tarlak, are all Voords able to read memories?"
"No, my dear. The technique requires special training. It is a serious commitment."
"It takes years of study. Tarlak is the most proficient of our group."
"Once Lemon spent two days with a contingent of elderly Gentons. He couldn't get a thing from them. I worked with them for one hour and recovered a missing fragment of the Gentonian trade wars."
Lemon coloured at this public put-down. He'd had enough. "Excuse me." He rose and headed for the exit. There was an awkward pause.
"Exactly how long will it be before we reach Kaldra, Doctor?"
Carolyn rose and followed Lemon.
"Four hours, eleven minutes."
Lemon was standing in the corridor as Carolyn rounded the corner. "Lemon…"
He turned and saw her. He let out an exasperated sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm being rude."
"No, not at all…"
"My father finds it amusing to demean me in public. I reach the point where I don't want to hear any more."
"It's not easy having an overbearing parent. Believe me, I know how you feel."
He looked at her curiously.
"I know a certain mother who is a great deal like your father."
Lemon smiled at this, relaxing a bit in this sharing of grievances. The began walking down the corridor.
"I've learned to remind myself that my mother and I are two separate individuals."
"And have you had much success with this approach, Carolyn?"
She took a breath as if to speak… stopped herself, pondered for a moment… then looked right at him. "No… but I keep reminding myself."
He laughed, she did, too… she'd managed to ease his overreaction to his father's self-aggrandizement. They'd reached Carolyn's quarters.
"Good night."
"Good night, Carolyn. And thank you."
She smiled at him and entered her quarters.
Carolyn was getting ready for bed. She was wearing a nightgown, and brushed her hair in front of the mirror. Suddenly she was experiencing a flashback: a previous boyfriend, William, holding her.
She shook off the memory, and continued brushing. The flashback returned: William's hand stroking her hair. William's voice: "Have you stopped thinking about us?"
Carolyn once again shook off the memory, a bit jarred by it. She walked over to the kettle and began making hot chocolate. Another flashback: poker chips tumbling to the floor.
Carolyn took her cocoa, increasingly disturbed by the intrusion of these memory flashes. She sat down to sip her cocoa, then gasped slightly and fell back against the cushions. Something overwhelming was happening to her. The flashback continued: Carolyn and William were cleaning up after a poker party. The mood was easy, jocular. Carolyn had neither the clothing nor the hairdo she wore today. She was collecting her poker chips, trying to stack them into their container. They tumbled from her hands and onto the floor. She laughed and knelt down; William did the same. The scene cut to: Carolyn was sitting on the floor with Williams's arms around her, their faces close. "Have you stopped thinking about us?" They reached for some poker chips… William covered her hand with his. They froze that way for a moment, then Carolyn looked up and saw him looking at her intently.
"Will…"
"We have to talk about this…"
Back in the present, Carolyn sat on her couch, eyes frozen, as though in a trance, reliving this erratic memory.
In the flashback, Carolyn and William are sitting on the floor; he stroked her hair.
"Beloved… we can't… not when we're working in the same place."
"Have you stopped thinking about us? Just answer that…"
As the poker chips fell to the floor, Carolyn laughed. William held her closer. "I can't stop thinking about you…"
William bent close to her… their lips only centremetres apart…
"No… don't …"
"Have you stopped thinking about us?"
There was no answer. Their lips met, and all the resistance in Carolyn was gone. They kissed tenderly but with ardor… Suddenly the grip of his hands on her arms tightened… he was more forceful…
"Will… we musn't do this…"
He was demanding, urgent. It was hard to resist…
"No, Will…" She finally pushed him away, and stared at him – but instead of William, she saw – Lemon – staring down at her, smiling sadly. He was wearing William's outfit.
"Beloved…"
In the present, Carolyn had fallen back on the couch, staring at nothing.
Flashback: Carolyn struggled against Lemon in horror. "No, don't…"
"I can't stop thinking about you…"
Carolyn turned to see Lemon standing to the side, observing Carolyn with the other image of himself, staring at them sadly as though almost embarrassed to be viewing them. Carolyn looked with horror from one to the other, still struggling to escape. The first Lemon held her tight and tried to kiss her.
In the present Carolyn had fallen to the floor, unconscious. The cup of hot chocolate was spilled beside her, its dark brown stain seeping into her nightgown.