Set somewhere between 10x23 and 10x24. Ziva is in Abby's lab, and Abby asks why she's been acting so strangely since her and Tony returned from Berlin.
Inspired by this scene in 13x34 between Abby and Tony:
"I know how much Ziva really loved you. And I need you to know it too."
"I do, I think."
"Don't think. Know. I know. She told me."
"Hey, Ziva?" Ziva turned to Abby, raising her eyebrows. The two of them were gathered in the lab, nibbling away on pizza while they waited for Major Mass Spec to provide results, and AFIS to discover the identity of their mysterious fingerprint. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course," she replied, putting her slice of pizza down in the box and licking her fingers.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to because I know you don't like talking about personal stuff, but it's just ever since you and Tony returned from Berlin you've been acting strangely, and I'm your friend and I care about you and if something bad is going on between the two of you I want to be able to help because Tony is like my brother and you're like my sister and I don't think I would be able to deal with it if you fell out again, I mean after what happened with Rivkin was bad enough and the two of your not speaking was hell, and–"
"Abby!" Ziva said sternly, placing her hands on the scientist's shoulders to stop the babbling. The next time she spoke, her voice was softer and calmer. "Just as me whatever it is you would like to know."
Abby gave a sigh, biting her lip. "Did something happen between the two of you in Berlin?"
Ziva thought for a moment. She bit her lip, unsure of how to answer. How much should she reveal to Abby? Abby was right, she was her friend, and she knew this. But talking about this… was something she had never even considered before. But as she had told Tony a few years ago, a person cannot be expected to keep their feelings bottled up forever. Who knew… perhaps saying it out loud would be… freeing.
"Yes," Ziva nodded. "But it is not what you think."
"I'm not thinking anything."
"You're wondering if we slept together."
"Okay, maybe you do know what I'm thinking," Abby paused, raising her eyebrows. "Did you?"
"No – well, yes – but not like that. We shared a bed, but we just slept. There was no honky tonky."
"The term is hanky panky," Abby smiled, in awe of how even after seven and a half years the English language still confused her friend. "So," she continued, "you didn't knock boots – also another term – but you've been acting differently… and it's not like the two of you haven't shared a bed before. I mean, you shared one in Paris, right?"
"You know about that?"
"Of course I do. I'm Abby Scuito. I know everything. Well… not everything, but most things. The important things. The things people think they can keep a secret but I am a forensic specialist and nothing can get past me," Abby grinned, before her face returned to seriousness. "So… what changed?"
"Why do you think something changed?"
"Something's up with you, Ziva. You've been avoiding Tony ever since you got back. For a room that is usually sizzling with unresolved sexual tension that the two of you love torturing us with, it's like you can't get out of the room fast enough when he appears. So… what's going on?"
Ziva sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose before looking at Abby. "I think you already know the answer to that question."
A prolonged silence filled the lab as the two of them looked at each other.
"You love him," Abby finally said. Ziva nodded. It was the first time she had admitted it, and god it felt good. "As a brother, or…?"
"Abby!"
"Not as a brother." Abby bit her lip. "How? When?'
"Does it matter?"
"I-I guess not. But, I'd like to know… if you'd like to tell me. I know that we haven't always been the best of friends, and our first couple of years were… rocky. But you're my best friend now, Ziva."
"I thought McGee was?"
"He is. But so are you. And so is Tony. You're my three musketeers and I'm here for all of you. I promise that whatever you tell me will stay between us. I'm an excellent secret keeper."
"Alright," Ziva nodded. There was a long silence before Ziva spoke again. "I perhaps have been too stubborn to admit it all this time, but there is no denying that what I feel for Tony is far more than the two of us being just friends."
"Yeah, that's pretty obvious, Ziva."
"It is?"
"Oh yeah... everybody knows how you feel about him. Me. McGee. Jimmy. I think even Ducky has an inkling. We see the way you look at him – how you've always looked at him."
"Gibbs?"
"Usually, I would say that the master knows everything, but I think this is the one thing he remains unaware of. Or, at least, if he is aware of it, he is very good at pretending as though he isn't." Ziva bit her lip, nodding. "You knew you loved him when he rescued you from Somalia, didn't you?"
"How did you–"
"I know things. I also remember your expression when I was yelling at you when you came to see me. The moment I mentioned Tony's name, I could see the guilt written all over your face before it turned into something else. And then the more I replayed it over the next few weeks, the more I understood. You weren't angry at the fact that Tony shot Rivkin. You were angry that at the fact that every man you've ever loved and trusted has ended up dead. Ari. Michael. You didn't want to trust Tony because you didn't think you'd be able to survive it if something happened to him because of you. So, you got angry at him to try and drive a wedge between the two of you because you thought that being apart would protect him."
"I sense there is a but…"
"But then Somalia happened, and you realised that it was a mistake; that you should have told him how you felt. But it was too late."
"I never meant to survive it, Abby. None of it. You know, Tony asked me if I was doing some kind of penance, and I told him that it was justified. I fully believed that letting Saleem and his men do what they did to me was the way to atone for my sins – for the people I killed, but mostly for the way I treated Tony. I could not believe that I had been so cruel and villainous to somebody I love." A tear trickled down Ziva's cheek. "I have not told anybody of the horrors I endured there… not even Tony. But every time Saleem's men touched me and did…" Ziva's voice broke, "I thought about Tony. His smile. His laugh. I thought I was going to die there, Abby. Every time they did something, I thought it was going to be the end. And every time it happened, I figured that if Tony's face and his voice were the last things in my mind before I left this world, then it would not be such a terrible way to go. I would not be in pain. I would feel nothing but love." Abby sat there in silence, as her brain attempted to process Ziva's words. "I have said too much," Ziva stated, looking at Abby who was holding back tears.
"No, I-I knew you loved him, but I didn't know just how much."
"I love him so much, Abby, that sometimes it feels like it hurts. I think about him all the time, even when I do not mean to be thinking of him. He is the first person I think of in the morning, and the last person I think of at night. He is protective, kind, loyal, generous… charming. You know it is almost as if I can feel my heart skip a beat when he looks at me? When we were in Berlin, there was a moment where I thought my cover was blown and he convinced me to dance with him… and that moment, Abby… it was everything." Ziva paused. "When I was a little girl, my father once told me that someday I would dance with a man who deserved my love, and though I did not need any more confirmation of my feelings, just looking in his eyes on that dance floor… I just knew. He has my whole heart, Abby. He is the love of my life." Ziva smiled, thinking of him. "But it does not matter. We are co-workers and it can never be."
"You don't honestly believe that do you?"
"Rule number twelve."
"Never go anywhere without a knife?"
"Never date a co-worker."
"Right. But I don't think that rule applies to the two of you."
"Of course it does. It is Gibbs' rule. We are part of team Gibbs."
"Yeah, but that rule is designed to stop co-workers from engaging in PDA in the middle of the bullpen, hooking up in the janitor's closet, or having a messy breakup and then having to spend months in awkward silence alongside that person twenty-four seven. I don't think it considers the situation where the co-workers are madly in love with one another."
"You think he loves me back?" Ziva asked, her brows furrowing.
"Ziva… he travelled halfway around the world to save you, even though the 'evidence' told him you were dead, because he could not believe it. He made me download one of Puccini's operas for you, so he could play it over McGee's sound system in the bullpen because you could not get tickets to the opera this year. He got me to run out and get you magazines and gum for your flight to Israel, which he hand delivered to you at the airport; and I believe he even overnighted Shmeil on a flight just so you could see him. I have known Tony for fifteen years, Ziva, and I have never seen him do any of those things for anybody else. He loves you."
Ziva sighed. "I slept with Adam. In Israel."
"Tony knows?"
"Yes. You should have seen the look on his face when he realised, Abby… I hurt him."
"Well, I get that. How would you feel if the woman you love buried her father and found comfort in another man's arms?"
Ziva ran her hands over her face. "I really screwed up. But I was weak and hurting. I just wanted meaningless sex – something to make myself feel better. Adam… he… is my friend. But that is it. It did not mean anything."
"Does Tony know it meant nothing?"
Ziva shook her head. "No… maybe… I don't know."
"Then tell him, Ziva. Apologise." she gently rested her hand on Ziva's shoulder. "He'll forgive you."
"You think?"
"I know. This is Tony we're talking about. He might not be quick to forgive others, but when it comes to you… he would go to the ends of the earth and back again if that's what it took. He will make himself forgive you despite how much he's hurting because he cannot stand the thought of losing you."
The glorious tune from Major Mass Spec echoed throughout the lab. Abby stood up, venturing through the automatic doors. She paused before turning back to Ziva.
"I know you're probably thinking about how to explain everything. My advice? If you love him as much as you say you do, just be honest. He'll understand." Abby gave her a small smile, before bouncing off to her trusty machine.