Arthur felt dirty.
There was no other word to describe the feeling of his skin crawling. He could hardly believe that he had actually entered the slave trader's den and walked out after purchasing Merlin.
He had never been naive to not think that slave trade was an actual occurrence that took place in the world. The practice of slavery was strictly outlawed in Camelot, but that didn't stop slave traders from existing and practicing their trade.
It disgusted him beyond no end, especially now that Merlin had been dragged into the ring and tortured into compliance.
Merlin was unnervingly silent - unnaturally silent.
In all the years that they had traveled together, Arthur could always count on Merlin to fill the silence with endless rambling and babbling. He had come to rely on the banter that the two of them often shared - even look forward to it.
But now, as the two rode into the forest, there was only silence.
Every moment he had told Merlin to shut up, suddenly forced themselves to the front of Arthur's mind and twisted his gut with even more guilt.
"We're almost there," he found himself saying.
Merlin had no response.
He was sitting tensely in front of Arthur, with his head bowed and shoulders hunched over.
"We'll probably rest for a bit at the camp before starting back to Camelot. It'll take us a couple of days to reach the city and citadel. From there Gaius will see to healing your injuries and getting you fixed up. It won't be long until..." Arthur failed to think of how to finish the sentence. There would be no returning to normal for them. If it wasn't the trauma that was more than evident, then it was the fact that Merlin had magic. He was a sorcerer - one that had planted himself in the very heart of Camelot.
He'd been taught his entire life that magic was evil, and that those who chose to use were corrupt, filled only with the desire to destroy Albion. Merlin didn't fit into that category. Arthur knew he didn't. There wasn't a corrupt bone in his body.
And yet...
Merlin had lied to him.
He'd hidden his true self from Arthur, and more than likely told hundreds of lies. Every interaction the two of them shared began to flash through Arthur's mind, and he suddenly began to notice moments when Merlin had clearly used magic right under his nose.
Anger began to brew within him, as his mind grappled with the fact that the foundation that had been their friendship was fractured. Merlin had not only broken the laws of Camelot but had also kept a monumental secret from him. Part of him understood Merlin's reasoning for keeping the secret, but the other part roared in anger at the deceit and manipulation.
He gave in to the anger.
It wasn't anger that he could vocalize at the moment, so he instead let it brew within his chest.
He was so caught up in the anger, that it took him a long moment to realize that Merlin was trembling and breathing raggedly.
"Merlin?" He adjusted his grip around the man before his eyes drifted to the collar around his neck.
It was glowing.
"What's happening?"
Merlin didn't respond.
The collar continued to glow.
"Stop!" Arthur pulled the reins, prompting the horse to stop, and scrambled off the horse. "How do I make this stop?"
Tremors were coursing through Merlin's body, as the collar continued to glow.
Arthur suddenly had the sickening realization that the collar was reacting to the rage that he was currently feeling. "Damn." He closed his eyes and focused on breathing through the heavy emotion that was coursing through his veins. "I'm not angry," he murmured. "I am not..." the anger refused to dissipate, as he continued to focus on the fact that Merlin had practically betrayed him.
Merlin suddenly jerked off the horse and fell in a heap to the ground, where he curled into a tight ball.
"I'm not angry!" He practically shouted. "Stop!"
He had to let it go - at least for the time being.
While his anger was real, his friendship with Merlin was more important, and he would do anything to stop the pain that he was experiencing.
"I am not angry." He closed his eyes again and breathed deeply until the tightness in his chest began to loosen. "I am not angry." He opened his eyes and looked at Merlin, who was still curled in a ball with his face hidden beneath his arms. The collar had stopped glowing, but the trembling continued. "I am not angry." He cautiously approached his friend, and slowly knelt next to him. "I am," he admitted. "But not so much that I want to cause you pain. We will simply have to talk things over...eventually."
How was he supposed to do this?
How was he supposed to explain any of it to Gaius? To Gwen? To Morgana?
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I did not mean to cause you any pain."
Merlin shifted his arms to look at Arthur, before shifting from his side to his knees and pressing his forehead to the ground in a bow.
Arthur glanced around the area they were in, mentally calculating how far they still had to travel before they reached the camp where the knights were waiting at. They were close, but not close enough. "We have to keep moving." He glanced up at the sun, which was getting closer to the western horizon. "I need you to get back on the horse, Merlin. We don't have far to go."
Merlin obeyed the order and rose to his feet. His head remained bowed and his tremors shook his hands as he approached the horse.
Arthur stood by, ready to assist, in case his strength failed as he mounted, before mounting behind him and grasping the reins.
Silence fell again as they resumed their journey, and this time Arthur focused his effort on keeping his mind clear. He would deal with everything later when was in the safety of his chambers with Gwen.
A few long minutes passed before his horse broke through the familiar clearing that held the make-shift camp the Knights had set up.
Leon and Percival were on the parameter keeping watch, Gwaine sat next to the fire stirring the contents of a pot, and Elyan and Lancelot were busy feeding and watering the horses.
Arthur couldn't help but release a sigh of relief as he entered the safety and familiarity of his comrades and friends.
Leon noticed their arrival first and immediately alerted the others.
Arthur slipped off the saddle of the horse, and gently helped Merlin down, setting him carefully on his feet.
"Well, aren't you a site for sore eyes," Gwaine stated.
Merlin glanced up at the group of men approaching and immediately fell to his knees.
The knights froze in their approach and stared at Merlin in shock for a moment before they turned their gaze to Arthur and stared at him questioningly.
Arthur shook his head and gestured for them to back up. He would give them an explanation once Merlin was settled.
They nodded, their expressions morphing into ones of concern and horror, as they backed away.
Arthur crouched down and placed a hand gently on Merlin's shoulder.
Merlin tensed and inhaled sharply.
"It's okay," Arthur soothed softly. "No one is going to hurt you. You're safe here, Merlin."
Merlin didn't reply.
Arthur began to truly wonder how much of the reality of his situation was getting to him. "Let's get you closer to the fire, and warm you up again."
Merlin didn't move.
Arthur closed his eyes and resisted the urge to march back and kill every single slaver in the den. "Get up, Merlin," he ordered gently. "We're going to the fire."
Merlin obeyed and got to his feet, allowing Arthur to guide him towards a turned-over log next to the fire.
"Nice and easy." Arthur lowered him down and smiled encouragingly at him.
Merlin averted his gaze and lowered his head into a bow.
Arthur could feel the gaze of all of his knights on him. "Stay here. I'll be back shortly." He stepped away from the fire, moving a few paces into the trees in order to have privacy to explain everything.
"Start with the damn collar," Gwaine said, the second the knights were all gathered in a circle.
"It binds Merlin to me, and forces compliance to every order. If he disobeys then it causes him pain. I also discovered that the collar reacts to my...emotions and punishes Merlin if it perceives me to be angry. The auctioneer also pointed out that it will not allow Merlin to eat, speak or sleep without my permission."
A choked sound came from Lancelot.
Gwaine swore.
Percival curled his hands into fists.
Elyan looked sick.
Leon swayed slightly and gripped the hilt of his sword.
"How do we get it off?" Elyan asked.
Arthur shook his head. "Apparently it can only be removed by the person who put it on and they're long gone."
"Then we search the whole of Albion for them," Gwaine said.
"I agree," Arthur said quickly. "But we have to get Merlin to safety first. Perhaps Gaius will have another solution, given his knowledge of magical artifacts." He hedged for a moment on the next detail, heavily debating in his mind on whether or not to reveal Merlin's secret of being a sorcerer. It wasn't his secret to tell, and if he told it then it would be real. The Knights - his men - his friends would expect him to make a decision on what to do, and he didn't know the answer to that yet.
"There's something else," Lancelot spoke up softly. "Isn't there."
Damn, Lancelot's intuitiveness.
Arthur sighed and closed his eyes. "Merlin is...he has...he's...well...he has magic," he finally blurted out. "And the collar binds the magic to my will."
At least two of his man gasped in surprise.
Arthur raised his head and looked first at Leon, who seemed to be contemplating the revelation with mild curiosity. He then looked to Elyan and Percival who seemed genuinely shocked. Gwaine shrugged. And Lancelot...it was abundantly clear that Lancelot already knew of Merlin's secret.
"Merlin's a sorcerer?" Leon asked.
"Warlock," Lancelot responded. "There's a difference."
"You knew?" Elyan asked.
Lancelot maintained Arthur's gaze for a moment, before nodding. "I did."
"What's the difference?" Elyan asked.
"Warlocks are born with magic, while sorcerers train to become users of magic."
Arthur was too stunned to do anything, besides nod.
"So if he uses his magic against your will...?" Leon asked.
Arthur forced himself back to the present and nodded. "The collar punishes him."
"Damn them," Gwaine muttered.
"Did you gain any knowledge on what they did to him?" Lancelot asked. "Besides collar him."
"Not a whole lot," Arthur responded grimly. He crossed his arms over his chest. "I talked to one slaver who explained that Merlin was trained in all aspects of servitude."
"I don't like how that sounds," Gwaine said.
"You're going to like it even less when I tell you that 'all aspects' included sexual."
Immediate rage flared through all of the knights.
Gwaine swore the loudest. "I'm going back there and I'm going to kill them."
The others grunted in agreement.
Arthur held his hands up. "I'm as angry as you," he said patiently. "And I intend to shut this ring down. But first, we have to think about Merlin. We need to get him out of these woods, and back to the castle where Gaius can take care of him."
"He's right," Lancelot said.
The others sighed in agreement and glanced through the trees at Merlin, who hadn't moved.
"What other aspects?" Elyan asked.
"Uh...labor, battle...servitude. Most of the slaves in the den were trained in just one or two of the aspects, but Merlin was trained in all."
"Damn them," Gwaine repeated in a whisper.
"They hurt him," Arthur said. "Tortured him into submission and silence. It's going to take a while for him to recover. And that's without taking into consideration the ramifications of the collar."
Silence fell among them.
Arthur ran his hand over his mouth and shook his head. "It's going to be a long journey back. The best we can do is keep him safe and calm until we get him to Gaius. We all want Merlin back, but the fast we accept that that's not going to happen, the better. It's going to be hard, but we have to try."
None of them spoke for a moment.
Arthur knew that he wasn't the only one holding out hope that Merlin would be able to return unscathed and resume life as he had left it.
"How close is supper?"
"A couple minutes," Gwaine answered, with a shrug.
"Great. I'm going to try and coax some food into him, before some rest. I know you guys want to reunite with him, but it'd be best if we didn't crowd."
"We understand," Leon said.
"Yeah," the others agreed.
Arthur nodded. "Okay." He walked back out to the clearing and cautiously approached Merlin. "Hey." He crouched down next to him and noticed the shivers running through his body. "You need a blanket." he glanced around. "Perce, grab a blanket will you?"
Percival nodded and pulled one from a pack. "Here." He stepped closer to Merlin and carefully draped it around his shoulders. "There you go, Merlin," he said softly.
Arthur nodded gratefully to him and adjusted the blanket slightly. "Gwaine's got some food cooking. I'm sure it'll be nothing compared to your cooking, but hopefully, it'll be at least somewhat edible."
"Oi, watch it, Princess," Gwaine quipped, half-heartedly.
Merlin remained silent and frozen.
Gwaine's expression fell slightly. He focused intently on stirring the soup in the pot, his hand gripping the spoon slightly tighter than usual.
Arthur placed a hand on Merlin's knee. "I need you to listen to me. You are allowed to speak if you want. You are allowed to eat, and you are allowed to rest."
Merlin raised his head slightly and looked at Arthur. "Please don't hurt me," he whispered hoarsely. "I'll be good."
Arthur hadn't been prepared for that.
His stomach dropped and his heart ached.
Merlin didn't recognize him, or at least that he wasn't truly out of slavery. He had watched Arthur exchange money for him, and talk about how he intended to enjoy him. The collar had punished him because of Arthur's anger towards him.
Arthur felt dirty all over again.
He wanted to throw up.
"I'm not going to hurt you," he assured softly.
"I'll be good," he whispered again, his shoulder hunching over slightly.
"You don't have to be."
"Here." Gwaine poured some soup into a bowl and held it out. "See if this helps him."
Arthur accepted the bowl and held it out to Merlin. "I want you to eat if you feel up to it."
Merlin's eyes widened and turned glassy slightly. His hands shook as he accepted the bowl, and his eyes widened as he stared down at the soup.
"It's okay," Arthur said. "You can eat."
Merlin lifted the spoon and slowly began to eat.
His hands continued to shake, and he seemed to be expecting Arthur or one of the knights to snatch the bowl from his hands.
"Here." Gwaine held a bowl out to Arthur.
"Thanks." Arthur accepted it and did his best to eat casually next to Merlin.
It took everything in him to not throw up, as he felt the waves of fear and anxiety coming from Merlin. He was half aware of the other knights accepting bowls from Gwaine and spreading out around the clearing to eat.
The sun had completely set, by the time Merlin had finished the bowl of soup.
"Here, I'll take that." Arthur held his hand out for Merlin's bowl and waited for Merlin to timidly give it to him, before handing it over to Gwaine. "Alright. How about some sleep? You look like a small wind could knock you down."
Merlin shuddered and hunched down again.
Arthur licked his lips nervously and stepped away from Merlin to give him space. "You can lie down if you want."
Merlin lowered himself to the ground and laid on his back. He pushed the blanket away and raised his arms above his head.
Arthur exchanged a confused look with Gwaine, before noticing that Merlin was also spreading his legs.
Understanding slammed down on him.
He swallowed past the bile that suddenly burned his throat, and inched forward in order to place a hand on Merlin's shoulder.
Merlin tensed and squeezed his eyes shut.
"Merlin," Arthur said softly. "I am not going to do anything like that. I just want you to sleep."
Merlin remained frozen in the position for a long moment, before he slowly shifted to his side and curled around himself.
He was out in moments.
Percival walked over and replaced the blanket over him.
No one spoke, but Arthur knew that they were all thinking the same thing. The tension gave it away. They were all furious and plotting the death of every single person who had had a hand in breaking their friend.
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Thank you for reading! :) ️