MINOR WARNING the end of this chapter is about Merlin's capture. It's nothing terribly explicit, but quite angsty.
Hope you enjoy it! :) ️
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The journey back to Camelot was one of the most trying journeys Arthur and the Knights had ever done.
All because of Merlin.
No, that wasn't right.
It wasn't Merlin's fault that he no longer had any control over himself, and had to rely wholly on Arthur for permission to do such simple tasks.
It wasn't Merlin's fault that he had spent the last year being tortured into terrified submission.
It wasn't Merlin's fault that every time he slept horrific nightmares plagued his mind and caused him to writhe and cower, subsequently making everyone else afraid to sleep in fear of leaving him behind to face the memories.
It wasn't Merlin's fault that he existed in confusion, unsure of how to act around his former friends and brothers.
It wasn't Merlin's fault that he reacted so violently when they broke through the familiar clearing that was nestled a few miles from the city.
. . .
They were so close.
After a tortuous 2 day and 2-night journey, they finally were within a couple of hours' ride to the citadel.
Everyone was exhausted and subdued.
"Let's take a break," Leon suggested.
Arthur nodded his head in agreement and pulled his horse to a stop. "Alright, Merlin. You can go relieve yourself if you need to. We'll get some food going, and you can eat. You can also rest if you want to." He slid off the saddle and helped Merlin down.
Arthur and the Knights were exhausted, but their exhaustion paled in comparison to how Merlin looked. Dark circles had taken up permanent residency under his eyes, starkly standing out in contrast to the abnormally pale pallor of his skin. His eyes were dull, his cheeks were gaunt, and he seemed to be constantly attempting to make himself as small as possible.
"Let's sit you down." Arthur guided Merlin over to a log next to a spot that had been used as a fireplace at one point.
Merlin stilled as they got closer, going rigid and staring at the log and hearth in fear.
Arthur immediately stopped and stared at the hearth, wondering what about it was making Merlin so afraid. "Merlin?"
A branch suddenly snapped behind them, and Merlin fell to his knees, cowering away from Arthur.
"What's going on?" Leon asked.
"I don't know," Arthur responded. "I don't..." he stepped closer to the log to examine it.
"Oh shit," Gwaine suddenly said.
"What?" Leon asked.
"I know where we are." He looked around for a moment, before scoffing. "This is where he was taken."
"Damn," Lancelot said softly.
"This is where Gaius sent him to get that special herb he needed," Gwaine finished softly. "I...I came here to look for him."
They all collectively looked at Merlin, who was curled up and cowering, his hands covering his face and his body trembling.
"We need to get him out of here," Leon said firmly.
Arthur nodded and stepped closer to Merlin, only for him to scramble away. "Merlin."
Merlin lifted his head, and Arthur watched in shock as his eyes flashed gold.
He was trying to use his magic to defend himself.
The collar reacted, immediately glowing a bright red.
Merlin opened his mouth in a silent scream and began to writhe on the ground, his face contorted into one of pure agony.
"Stop!" Arthur fell to his knees and reached for Merlin. "Stop, stop, stop!" His hand stopped inches from Merlin's shoulder. "Oh, God, stop! Please!"
The collar continued to glow, thoroughly punishing Merlin for his attempt to use magic against his master.
"Please stop," Arthur begged. "I'm not angry. It's okay." He didn't know who he was talking to. "Please stop."
The collar finally began to fade, after what felt like an eternity, and Merlin's limbs fell limply to the ground. His eyes were closed and his chest was heaving with uneven breaths.
A heavy silence fell on the clearing, as each of the men felt the horror of what had just occurred.
"He hasn't cried," Elyan suddenly said softly.
It took a moment for Arthur to realize what his friend had said. "What?" He turned to look at Elyan. "What do you mean?"
"In the days we've had him, we've seen him react to pain and horrors, but not once has a tear been shed. I don't know about you guys, but if I'd gone through even half of what Merlin's gone through, I'd be crying."
Horror settled on all of them.
"They took it away," Leon said.
Arthur wanted to cry.
The urge to throw up nearly overwhelmed him, but instead he squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. "Merlin, you can cry."
The word had barely left Arthur's mouth before tears began to well up in Merlin's eyes and spill down his cheeks. Moments later his shoulders were shaking with silent sobs.
Arthur sat back, giving him space to release the emotion that he had held for...he didn't want to think about how long Merlin had been restricted from being able to express his grief.
. . .
Merlin was making good time with arriving at the clearing Gaius had directed him to. It was quiet and serene when he arrived, with the chirping of birds being the only sound for miles.
He was, well and truly, alone.
A sigh escaped his lips, and a brush of magic rushed from his fingertips, dancing along with the wind.
He smiled softly and closed his eyes, a physical weight seeming to lift from his chest.
"Well, well, well, what have we here?"
Merlin opened his eyes and turned sharply to face a man in dark clothes, leaning lazily against a tree. "Who are you?"
"That's of little importance. What is important is that you just used magic, didn't you?"
Merlin laughed nervously and took a step back. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Two other, larger, men emerged from the trees, flanking the first.
"You'd fetch a pretty penny."
Slave Traders.
"Bit bold of you guys to be this close to the citadel, don't you think?"
"Well, it's worth it, if we manage to leave with you in tow. Get him."
The men stepped forward, and Merlin immediately brought his hand up to send them back.
The lead man brought his hand up as well, creating some kind of shield to block Merlin's magic.
Merlin stared in shock for a moment. "Well, this has been interesting. Uh...bye." He turned and took off, running the path back toward the city.
He was going to make it.
He had to make it.
He-
Something suddenly pierced his neck, and before he could comprehend it, he descended into darkness.
Merlin's head was pounding when he regained consciousness. His mouth was dry and his tongue felt 10x its normal size. There was no question about him being in some sort of trouble. His arms were pulled above his head, with his wrists chained together, and his ankles were shackled and connected to something else. A pole probably.
"...he's a powerful one. Are you sure the collar will control him?"
"This collar was made by a high priestess of the old religion. It'll do whatever we want it to do."
Collar?
Merlin focused on the feeling of his neck and was startled at the feeling of cold metal pressing against his skin.
His heart rate quickened.
What was going on?
He reached for his magic but found it to be just out of reach, just past his fingertips.
"He's awake."
"Ready to see this in action? Release his arms."
Merlin began to struggle to break free.
If he could only reach his magic.
"Oh no you don't." A knee settled on Merlin's chest, keeping him down as the chains around his ankles and wrists were released.
"You can let him go," the lead voice said.
"Are you sure?"
"Quite."
The man holding him seemed just as confused as Merlin, as he released his hold.
Merlin immediately shot to his feet and turned to run.
"Stop."
A feeling washed over Merlin, bringing with it a weight that settled in the back of his mind, prompting him to obey.
Merlin ignored the feeling and kept going.
He got another step in before the collar around his neck began to burn, sending waves of pain throughout his entire body.
His legs gave out from underneath him, and he hit the ground.
The pain continued, raging over and through him, drawing a hoarse scream from his throat.
The man walked over and loomed over Merlin. "You disobeyed. I know you felt the weight of the order. This could have been avoided if you had simply done as you were told."
Merlin continued to scream.
"That's such awful noise your making." He closed his eyes and murmured a spell under his voice. "Silence."
Merlin's voice suddenly shut off.
His mouth was still open and the air was still rushing from his throat, but his voice was gone.
"Much better. The pain will stop, once you give into the weight that is prompting you to obey."
Oh, God.
Why was this happening?
Where was Arthur when he needed him?
"Give in. You need not suffer so unnecessarily."
Merlin could still feel the weight, bearing down at the back of his mind, compelling him to submit.
He wouldn't.
The pain seemed to magnify.
His vision wavered and darkness came close to enveloping him.
"Uh, uh, uh. No. You do not get to sleep. You do not get to escape unless I allow it. You do not get to rest unless I allow it."
The darkness retreated.
What was going on?
The pain was unbearable, and now he had no escape.
He squeezed his eyes shut, ad focused on the weight.
Fine.
Oh, God, fine.
The pain immediately receded, as the weight settled down.
His entire body was trembling, completely out of his control, his throat was raw and his cheeks were wet with tears.
"Let's try this again, shall we? Get up."
The weight sank down, and he gave into the compulsion to stand.
"Remove your clothes. All of them. Starting with the pants."
Hell no.
Merlin resisted the compulsion, and the collar began to burn.
His hands scrambled to his waistband, and soon enough he was standing completely bare, the skin of his neck and chest burning with shame.
"Hands at your side." The man began to circle him. "You will learn, soon enough, boy, that your body no longer belongs to you. Nothing belongs to you, because you are nothing."
Merlin's heart began to sink, and tears continued to leak down his cheeks.
Why was this happening?
The man glanced around at the other two men, who were watching in amazement.
"What shall we have him do next?" He reached out and touched Merlin's shoulder, running his fingers down Merlin's spine. "We have all night."
Merlin shuttered.
The man walked around to face Merlin. "Go kneel by the fire."
Merlin found himself obeying without even thinking about it. He knelt down in front of the log, a few feet from the blazing fire, his heart beginning to pound wildly in his chest.
He needed to escape.
The man followed and sat behind him.
"Bend over. Forehead to the ground."
Merlin knew what was coming, and lunged for his magic.
The collar reacted, sending fresh waves of pain throughout him, and sending him down to his side, where he writhed in agony.
The man tsked his tongue. "Well, you were bound to learn that lesson sooner or later." He leaned back, waiting out the minutes that passed, as Merlin writhed on the ground.
Merlin was sure he was going to go insane.
Oh, God, please, stop. Please.
"Ready to try again?"
No!
Yes!
Yes.
The pain receded, leaving him limp and trembling.
"Sit up."
A sob propelled itself from Merlin's mouth.
The pain began to build up.
Merlin hurried to obey.
"Stop crying."
The sobs stopped abruptly, and his eyes, while still aching, stopped leaking tears.
Merlin choked, feeling suspended in the air, as another part of his autonomy was taken.
"Much better. No one wants to fuck a blubbering mess. Now bend over."
Merlin's chest tightened, as he found himself obeying the command, and bending so that his forehead was pressed to the ground.
He heard the man rustling before he felt a hand run down his flank.
He squeezed his eyes shut.
He wouldn't feel this.
He did feel it. He felt every pull, push, slap, and tug, sending fiery pain radiating throughout his body. Pain that seemed to be amplified by the collar.
He knew he was screaming.
Noise refused to leave his lips, but he could feel the rush of air past his throat.
The man bore down on him, yanking his hair with each of his thrusts, before finally - finally pulling himself out and moving away.
"Stay put."
Merlin's limbs stilled at the order.
He longed to curl around himself, but his body refused to move.
"You're in for a long journey, boy. It's at least a 3-day journey to where we're going, and we intend to start your training before we get to the facility. It's not up to us what they use you for, but we'll certainly have our recommendations."
Merlin squeezed his eyes shut, and bit down on his lip.
Why was this happening?
What had he done wrong to deserve this?
This couldn't be what destiny had in mind for him.
"Alright boys, who's next?"
The men took turns using Merlin, throughout the entirety of the night, switching off from sleeping, keeping watch, and raping him.
Merlin was numb by the time the sun was starting to rise.
His mind was torn between dwelling on what had happened to him, and refusing to even think about it.
They ordered him to arrange his body in a variety of positions, each one more degrading than the last.
"Oi, someone's coming."
Merlin perked up slightly, at the sound of hooves approaching.
He was saved.
There was no way in hell that the men were going to get away with what they had done. Not while they were this close to the citadel.
The man currently abusing him pulled out quickly. "Get up," he whispered harshly into his ear.
He refused.
Whoever was coming needed to see him, if they were going to save him.
The pain returned with a vengeance, radiating over his broken body and hitting and attacking every single one of his raw nerves.
"Get him in the trees!"
"He's not moving!"
"Make him!"
Merlin barely felt something attach to his collar before he was being forcibly dragged into the trees, sending even more pain through him as his skin was scratched and bruised by the rocks and trees.
"You're going to pay for that later."
He already was paying for it.
The pain of the collar had yet to subside, causing his muscles to lock and tremble from pure agony.
His mind was beginning to crumble.
He could feel himself losing his grip on reality.
He was starting to feel sorry for disobeying.
Please.
He would obey.
He would be good.
Please.
An eternity passed before the pain finally subsided.
"...haven't seen him."
"Are you sure?"
"Quite. It's just been me out here. I'm traveling to see my daughter."
"Huh."
Merlin knew that voice.
Gwaine had come looking for him.
"Well, keep an eye out, will you?"
"Of course."
He was leaving.
Gwaine was right there, and he was leaving.
Merlin screamed. He shouted. He begged. He cried.
Gwaine heard none of it.
Merlin's chest tightened, threatening to explode.
"We're clear."
Merlin was dragged back to the clearing.
He didn't have it in him to resist.
The men dropped him in a heap and shoved his head to the ground.
"We need to get a move on," the leader said. "Pack up camp, while I get him ready."
"Yeah, boss."
The lead man walked over and towered over Merlin. "On your feet."
Merlin obeyed.
"Wrists together and out."
Merlin obeyed.
Something within him had broken.
The man secured a length of rope around his wrists and used it to pull him towards a horse. "You're not going to like the consequences for slowing us down."
Merlin barely had time to comprehend what was going to happen, before the man was mounting his saddle, and tying the other end of the rope to the horn.
He was still naked and shoeless.
The man seemed to be able to sense his thoughts, as he looked down at him. "You have to earn back the privilege of covering yourself. So far, it's going to be a long while before that happens."
Merlin's eyes ached with tears that he couldn't shed.
"Ready, boss."
"Let's go."
The horse began to move, and Merlin had no choice but to follow.
He glanced over his shoulder at the path that lead back to the city and prayed for Gwaine to return.
He didn't.
It wasn't long before the path disappeared.
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Thank you for reading! PS I PROMISE that there will be comfort in the later chapters. I have it all planned out. We just have to get there! :)
Thank you again!