"I also have magic."
Arthur was too exhausted to say anything - too exhausted to do anything, except stare at Morgana.
Emotion stirred in his chest - anger, betrayal, confusion.
Silence filled the room, tense and heavy.
"Are you going to say something?" Morgana asked after a long moment.
What was he supposed to say?
The woman who may as well be his sister had just confessed to having magic. She was practically Uther's daughter, raised in the heart of Camelot, by the laws that Uther enforced.
How could she have magic?
How could two of the people he trusted most in the world have magic?
"Arthur?"
He couldn't deal with it.
Not right then, at least.
"I...am going to go see my wife and children."
Shock immediately appeared on Morgana's face. "You are? Now?"
"Yes." He glanced at Gaius. "The collar should allow him to sleep for a couple of hours before nightmares set in. Send for me when they do."
Gaius nodded solemnly. "Yes, your majesty."
He looked back at Morgana, who was watching him expectantly. "I...um...I will talk to you later."
"Arthur-"
He ignored her and left the chambers.
His mind was racing with thoughts on what he was supposed to do with the knowledge he now had and the knowledge his father had taught him.
Magic was evil.
It was dangerous and corrupt.
And yet, two of the kindest, good people that he knew had it.
There was the chance that his father had been wrong to persecute all things magic, but Arthur was ready to think about that yet.
His feet carried him down the familiar path of corridors to the nursery - the room that had become his favorite to be in.
He saw a glimpse of brown hair when he pushed the door open before Aiyla's arms were wrapped firmly around his waist. "Oh," he wrapped his good arm around her, and slowly lowered to his knees so that she could wrap her arms around his neck.
Relief washed over him.
He was home.
"Hey there, little bird," he murmured. He turned his head and placed a kiss on her cheek. "I missed you."
"I missed you too."
"Daddy!" Tristan hurried over and wiggled into Arthur's arms, essentially displacing Aiyla.
Arthur chuckled and wrapped his arms around Tristain. "My little warrior." He placed a kiss on his cheek as well. "Were the two of you good for your mother while I was gone?"
"Yes," Aiyla answered. "I was on my best behavior, but Tristain put salt in the cook's pie."
"Is that true?"
"No I didn't," Tristan answered immediately.
"Yes, you did. I saw you."
Arthur looked up at Gwen, who was sitting in the rocking chair across the room watching the three of them with a look of fondness in her eyes.
God, she was beautiful.
Aiyla and Tristain were now completely bickering with each other on whether or Tristain had put salt in the pies or not.
"That's enough," Arthur said, returning his attention to the two children.
They stopped and turned to face him.
He took a brief moment to marvel at them.
Aiyla, with her mother's bronze skin, brown hair, and dark eyes that seemed wiser than their age. Tristan with his blonde curly hair and blue eyes that shined with mischief. At the moment, Aiyla stood taller than Tristain, but Arthur had the feeling that it wouldn't be long until he shot up and towered over her.
"Did you bring Uncle Merlin home?" Aiyla asked.
"I did."
"Can I go see him?"
His heart twinged slightly. How was he supposed to explain Merlin's situation to them? How could he make them understand the depth of the pain that he was in?
"Not right now." He took both of their hands. "Merlin is hurt really bad right now, so we need to give him some time before we see him."
"Wouldn't a hug make him feel better?" Aiyla asked.
God, how was she so pure?
Arthur laughed weakly and shook his head. "It probably would, but not right now." He placed his hand on her cheeks. "Perhaps later, though." He kissed her cheek again. "Now, why don't the two of you go with Emmaline, and clean up for dinner, while I talk with your mother?"
Emmaline, their nursemaid, stepped forward and held her hands out to the two of them. "Come along, children."
"Go on," Arthur prompted. "I will see you both at dinner."
It was clear that Aiyla wanted to protest, but instead, she grabbed Tristain's hand and followed Emmaline from the room.
"They miss you when you leave," Gwen said softly.
Arthur nodded, and pushed himself up, in order to cross the room to where she was sitting. "I know." He knelt in front of her and slipped his hands into hers. "I miss them."
She brushed a finger through his hair. "How is Merlin?"
"He's...I don't know. Gaius seemed content enough to allow him to sleep. I don't know what his plan is for treatment, but I'm confident that he will think of something. He said he'd look around for a way to remove the collar as well."
Gwen nodded and leaned back in her chair. "How can people be so cruel?"
"I've been asking myself the same question, ever since I found him," Arthur replied softly. He rested his forehead against her stomach and closed his eyes. His eyes ached with exhaustion. All he wanted to do was climb into his bed and pass out. But he knew that his mind wouldn't let him. There was too much to do - too much to think about. "There I something I think you should know, and if you tell me that you already know it, I might cry."
Gwen laughed lightly and lifted his chin. "What is it?"
He licked his lips nervously. "Morgana told me that she also has magic."
Gwen stared at him for a moment, before a small look of understanding crossed her face. "Oh."
"Oh? That's all you have to say? Oh?"
"Well, it makes sense."
"How does it make sense?"
"Think about it, Arthur," she said patiently. "The fire in her bedroom, all those years ago? The smashing of vases and plates. I can now understand more fully the depth of her relationship with Merlin, given what you told me earlier."
"Why are you so calm right now?"
"Because I feel like I'm finally seeing the full picture. Merlin's magic makes more sense when you think back on all the strange occurrences of 'luck' that suddenly began to happen once the two of you met. The night of that fire in Morgana's bedroom is what brought the two of them together. You know how inseparable they've been. Now we understand why."
"Yeah, they were both blatantly breaking the law," Arthur muttered.
"The law that your father put in place after your mother died," Gwen said softly. She shifted slightly and rested a hand on her stomach. "Do you remember what you told me after you went on that quest to the Isle of the Blessed to meet Morgause?"
Arthur thought back to that day, remembering keenly the sharp feelings of betrayal that had come with the conversation he had had with his mother. No. It wasn't his mother. It was a trick. Or so Merlin had said, to stop him from killing the King. "My mother died because of my father's desire for an heir," he murmured.
"Yes."
"Merlin said it was a trick," he murmured. "That I didn't really see her. Why would Merlin stop me? He had the chance to put an end to the ban against magic, and he stopped me."
"You were young, Arthur, and unprepared to live without your father. Think about it. Would you have wanted the stain of Uther's blood to tarnish your ascension to the throne? Merlin sacrificed his own freedom to save you from killing your father."
"He knew it was true," Arthur murmured. "He knew that I had seen my mother and that what she had said to me was real." A sudden emptiness consumed Arthur. "My father killed my mother, and blamed it on magic," the words tasted bitter in Arthur's mouth. "He was too obsessed to conceive an heir, to continue the Pendragon dynasty, that he didn't even hesitate to offer up my mother as the price to pay." His eyes drifted to her pregnant stomach, and a sudden fear gripped his heart. "Was I just as desperate?"
"No," Gwen said quickly. "Arthur, how could you even think that? Our children are born strictly from love. They are beautiful, pure, and healthy. I am happy to have been a vessel in which to continue the Pendragon Dynasty because it is your dynasty. They are your legacy. Your future. They are magic in and of themselves." She placed her hand on his cheek and thumbed away the tear that leaked from his eye. "I wish your mother had not died the way that she did, but I promise you that her story and mine are vastly different."
Her words lessened the grip of fear around his heart. He turned his head slightly and placed a kiss on her palm. "Thank you," he murmured. "I love you."
"I love you."
He rested his head against her stomach again, and closed her eyes, relaxing slightly as she began to run her fingers through his hair. "That wasn't the only time that Merlin had the opportunity to show the truth about magic," he murmured. "He has lived by my side - same as Morgana, for years, hiding secrets that would have them executed."
"Are you so surprised that they would rather stay with you than leave here?" Gwen asked softly.
"Yes."
"Hmm. Well, I'm not." She bent down and kissed the back of his head. "Not in the slightest."
They remained like that for several minutes, before the sound of someone knocking at the door pulled them out of their reverie.
Arthur lifted his head. "Enter."
Morgana pushed the door open and stuck her head in. "It's Merlin."
"Already?"
She nodded grimly. "It's bad," she whispered.
"Go," Gwen said. "I will tell Aiyla and Tristain that you will tuck them into bed. And save you some dinner," she added with a smile.
"You are an angel." He pushed himself up, bent down, and kissed her, before following Morgana from the nursery. "What happened?"
"It was like you said, he woke up in the throws of a nightmare. Gaius and I managed to wake him fully, but he panicked when he realized that he was on the bed. At least I think that's why he panicked. He scrambled off at it as fast as he could and is currently kneeling with his head to the ground."
"Oh, damn it." Arthur picked up his pace, and the two of them all but ran to Gaius's chambers.
Merlin was kneeling, just as Morgana described, with his forehead pressed to the ground and his body trembling.
Artur's heart felt the familiar ache. Merlin was home, he was in the familiarity of his chambers, and yet the nightmares of the past year were tainting his perception of his situation.
Gaius looked at Arthur when he entered, his expression drawn and stricken.
"I'll take care of it," Arthur said. "Please, give me the room."
Morgana gave Merlin one last heartbroken look, before leaving the room with her hands over her mouth.
"Gaius," Arthur prompted softly.
Gaius stared at Merlin for another moment, before leaving as well.
Arthur sighed and studied Merlin.
How was he supposed to do this?
"Merlin," he said softly.
Merlin flinched and shrunk into himself.
"Merlin, I need you to listen to me." He slowly lowered himself to the ground. "You are not going to be hurt. I know you're confused and scared, but I need you to understand that everything is okay now. You are home. You are safe. No one is going to touch you or hurt you."
Merlin didn't move.
"You can sit up."
A long moment passed before Merlin sat up. He raised his shoulders, but his head remained bowed.
"How can I help you?" He asked softly. "What do you need? I will do anything to make this as easy for you as possible, but I need to know - I need to understand what you need."
Merlin slowly lifted his head and stared at Arthur, his eyes shining with fear and mistrust.
"You can speak," Arthur prompted.
Merlin licked his lips nervously. "I'll be good."
Arthur was starting to hate those words.
"I know," he said. "But you don't have to be."
Merlin's eyes shined with confusion.
"You are probably still tired."
Merlin's eyes widened, and he shook his head fervently.
"You're not?" Arthur asked, despite clearly seeing the evident signs that pointed to the fact that Merlin was exhausted. "They didn't let you sleep that often, did they?"
He shook his head.
"Right." They more than likely punished him for the mere thought of sleeping. "And the nightmares probably don't help either."
Another, fearful shake of his head.
Arthur was at a complete loss for what to do. "I need you to help me out here, Merlin. There has to be a way for you to rest without being tormented."
A sudden look of nervousness suddenly washed over Merlin. He bowed his head and hunched his shoulders slightly.
Dread seeped into Arthur's stomach. "What is it? Tell me."
Merlin flinched at the order.
"No, I didn't-"
It was too late, the order had been given.
Merlin suddenly tipped his head back and opened his mouth, before putting two fingers in and sliding them out.
The dread turned to nausea, at the stark clearness of what Merlin was showing.
"You're telling me that the only way for you to receive relief from the nightmares is if you are abused like that?"
Merlin lowered his head and nodded.
Instant rage burned through Arthur. "No. Absolutely not." He shot to his feet. "I will not stoop to their level and do that to you."
Merlin shrunk into himself and returned to the bowed position, his limbs resuming their usual tremble.
Arthur's own limbs were beginning to tremble as well.
He could barely think straight.
"There is another option, and we will find it. I will find it before I do anything like that to you."
Merlin remained silent.
Arthur's heart was pounding, and his breath was coming in heavy gasps. "Morgana and Gaius are down there. They will look after you. I will send a servant with some food for the three of you."
Merlin didn't move.
"You are allowed to rest, speak, cry, move, relieve yourself, whatever. I-I don't care. Just...I will be back."
He needed to get out of the room - out of the moment, he had suddenly found himself in.
"We will find a way to remove the collar," he found himself saying, as he realized that Merlin was crying. "I promise, Merlin." He took one last look at him, before leaving.
He needed to think.
He needed to breathe.
He needed to exist in a world where the only way to allow his friend to sleep peacefully wasn't to rape him.
.
.
.
Little bit of fluff with some angst at the end. I honestly have been debating that final aspect for a bit, but finally decided to just go with it. Things were nearly angsty enough. ? ﾟﾘﾅ Slightly nervous about it, but hopeful that you enjoy it.