Screwed In Jersey

by Ectodude

In Red Bank, New Jersey, a young woman is murdered. On this night, an off-duty Ghostbuster meets a disgruntled convenience store clerk at a hockey game and hit it off. When attempting to offer the clerk a ride, the Ghostbuster has been pegged for the murder. Now the Clerk, the Ghostbuster, and two local delinquents must uncover the set up.

2. Accusations

Chapter 2: Accusations

9:03 PM

"So, what did you like better: Star Trek III: the Search for Spock, or Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home?" Dan and his newfound acquaintance Dante Hicks walked out of the stadium and began heading for the door with the rest of the crowd. Dan asked Dante what his impressions were on science fiction in general, but in truth he was trying to take his mind off the fact his team just lost.

Dante heard his question and answered, "Spock."

"Fucking what?" That clearly offended Dan, "You bastard!"

"What?" he asked indignantly, "The Kingons destroyed the USS Grissom; the crew was forced to steal and destroy the Enterprise; Kirk's son was killed; the movie ended in a down note. That's all life is, is a series of down notes." "You're a bastion of fucking sunshine, aren't you?" Dan asked with a smirk on his face, "See, that's not entirely accurate, what you're thinking? They did manage to get Spock back after the end of that movie, so you had your glimmer of hope. Now, if you wanna ending that's a downer, try the Empire Strikes Back."

Both of Dante's eyebrows shot up as he looked to the man surprised, "That's what I always thought! Man, it's nice to talk to someone that doesn't mention sex every five seconds." Both men were just making their way outside when a security guard took notice of them by the exit from the security checkpoint. He grabbed his radio and started talking.

Outside Dan heard his compatriot in hockey and commented, "Another friend?"

Dante groaned, "Co-Worker."

Dan smirked, "Oh, one of those, huh?" Dante rolled his eyes, "Yeah, we gotta work the late shift tonight. He normally runs the video store next door, but now I'm stuck with him," he looked to his watch, "Which reminds me, I gotta be at work in an hour. I better catch my bus back down before it leaves. New Jersey roads destroyed my goddamn exhaust system." Dan wasn't that familiar with the area, but he knew enough to know this town of Leonardo was somewhat an hour away. Being the charitable guy he was - and having an image to uphold, "I could drop you off. It's not like I got anything going on tonight. The a few weeks we haven't gotten many calls. I'm not sure if it was because of what happened last month, or…"

"You're offering a ride to a complete stranger?"

"I have four accelerators loaded with a combined 32 ounces of Uranium-237 in the back of my truck and an NRC handlers license," the Ghostbuster stated, "You start shit, I'll blast ya." Dante kept forgetting he was dealing with a well known figure of the community that handles dangerous equipment. He spoke sarcastically, "You know how to fill someone with confidence." "I appreciate that; I had plenty of practice."

They walked their way through the parking lot dodging cars backing out with their drivers not looking or paying attention. Behind them Dante took notice of a security car with their lights on and driving slowly behind them. He kept looking back and noticing the guards trailing and keeping pace with them. He was starting to become unnerved, "What's their deal?" Dan looked toward the back of the lot as he responded, "What?" "The security behind us," he said as he eyed back behind them again, seeing the car in the same place in his periphery keeping pace, "They've been tailing us." "They're probably just patrolling," the Ghostbuster stated with dismissal, "Ya know, just making sure no one does something stupid."

In a more isolated section of the parking lot sat a lone black extended cab truck with two sets of lightbars, a supercharger ram tunnel sticking out of the hood, and decals all over the vehicle. The New York state license plate read, "LKY BLK X". The 1999 Chevrolet S-10 Xtreme was Dan's contribution to Ghostbusting known as the Supplemental Ectoplasmic Response Vehicle, or SERVe for short. Dan, however, called the vehicle by a different name; a name given to the original version of the truck by a group of NYPD officers tracking the vehicle when it was in its original owner's possession used for drug running: Lucky Black. It was a first response recon vehicle that served the dual purpose of spare equipment transport and tactical defense vehicle without the need of Ecto-1's overt and oversized equipment to be immediately on site.

Dan got out his keys as he walked to the Ghostbusters-logo adorned vehicle's driver side. Dante stopped a moment to look at the vehicle, "You're gonna drive me around… In this?" Dan turned around himself and snidely responded, "Sorry, the A-Team needed their van back, and KITT's in the shop." He rolled his eyes and began walking to the driver door again as he added, "Besides, this thing will get ya to Leonardo in two shakes of a jackrabbit's ass." That was when the security car that was following the both of them came to a stop. Two guards stepped out of the car standing behind their car's doors as one started yelling at the both of them, "Daniel Shannon?" Dan was jarred a bit at the way the officer addressed him, "Yeah? How can I help you gentlemen?"

Both guards drew their guns and from behind their doors they pointed them at him, "Turn around and put your hands on your head!" Dan immediately threw his hands up in surprise, "Woah, wait, what?!" One of the guards put away his gun and started rushing toward the Ghostbuster, taking out his cuffs and began grabbing his arms to lock up. Dan started yelling in confusion, "What the fuck is this about?! I paid that goddamn parking ticket!"

"Daniel Shannon," the guard stated, slamming Dan against his own truck, "you're under arrest for murder!"

Dante was confused at that, "Murder? He didn't murder anyone here! I've been sitting next to him for the last two and half hours!"

The guard pointing the gun rounded the car and kept pointing his gun at Dan as he yelled out to Dante, "Not here; Red Bank! At around 7:30 tonight a woman was found dead with one of his business cards on her." "We're gonna need to keep him detained, man," the guard locking the cuffs stated, "I heard those Proton Packs can do some real damage." "Hey, stupid?" Dan yelled, "If you haven't noticed, I'm not wearing one." The guard shoved Dan's head screaming at him to shut up. Dante was still befuddled about what was being told to him, "Red Bank is almost an hour away from here! How could he have murdered someone at 7:30 when I was sitting next to him the whole time?"

"Don't you get it, Dante?" Dan yelled out, "That drunk dumbass in the oversized suit jacket probably set this up," He started to address the guard, "Very funny assholes. Now, if you don't mind, my friend here needs to to get to work…" the guard shoved his head again and screamed, "Shut the fuck up, you cherry-scented psycho!"

Now Dan was growling, "You shove me one more time, I swear…"

THWACK! The guard punched him in the back of the head.

Now Dan was pissed.

"Did you just fucking Donkey Punch me? Okay," Dan said in a low tone, "be surprised."

From out of nowhere, the guard with the drawn gun suddenly had his weapon thrown from his grip and away from him. The disarmed guard yelped in surprise, making the detaining guard turn his head in response. This opened the guard up to attack. As hard as he could Dan threw his head back and hit the guard trying to hold him in the temple rendering him unconscious. In the scramble the other guard attempted to go after Dan himself when Dante grabbed him and kicked one of his legs out from under him. When the guard attempted to stand, Dante kicked him in the chin hard, knocking him out as well.

After the adrenaline started to fall off and Dante got his breath back he looked to the Ghostbuster in the handcuffs, "What the fuck is this all about?" Dan turned, confusion all over his face, "Hell if I know! This was either a prank that went horribly wrong or these two lost their marbles!" He nodded toward the guard at his feet, "Get his keys and get these cuffs off of me."

After releasing Dan from the cuffs, Dante helped him lock both guards back-to-back with their own handcuffs. After the ratcheting of the locks ceased, the both of them stood, Dan commenting, "Teaches them not to screw with me." "Jesus," Dante added, "these security guards are getting restless. Now they're saying people are murdering people for shits and giggles."

Dan opened the door to the S-10 and was about to step in, "Tell me about it." "I mean, even adding the tension by throwing his own gun…" As Dante shook his head Dan looked back at him and realized he didn't know about his ability to transform into an electromancer and control electromagnetic fields. Keeping a low profile, he commented back on the situation, "No shit. If I really did kill someone, they'd be sending the…" he started to hear something coming from the highway. He turned to it and saw something that made the color drain from his face. Dante saw the look on the man's face as he finished what he was attempting to say, "...police. Oh, fuck me sideways." Dante turned and saw a wall of red and blue flashing lights exiting the interstate. The sirens were on and among the patrol cars was a SWAT team van. Dante looked back at the Ghostbuster and saw the panic start to set in, "Oh shit! I think we better get outta here!"

"Captital fucking plan, Mr. Hicks!" He climbed into the truck with Dante following on the passenger side. The truck started with Dan quickly slamming into first and taking off in a squeal. The security guards started to wake when they saw the truck take off out of the arena parking lot. They watched as the truck drove in the opposite direction away from the police brigade. Lucky Black disappeared into the darkness, its taillights remaining off to avoid detection. Dan stated as he got the truck onto the onramp for the highway, "We can outrun them, but we can't outrun a Motorola. We better go to a logical place to elude these assholes."

Quick Stop Groceries

Leonardo, New Jersey

10:01 PM

Randal Graves had locked up RST Video for the night. After the returns were processed - and in the case of the adult movies, cleaned - he shut down the store and walked to the Quick Stop. He attempted to open the door and found it locked. "The fuck?" He looked to the parking lot and didn't see Dante's car. "Mr. Punctuality is late? Goddamnit." He took his keys back out and began opening the door. After finally getting the door unlocked, one of the more… colorful characters of the neighborhood approached him, "Hey, did the Morris Man get back from Cali, man?" He smelled of California stink weed and cheap whiskey wearing a do-rag and a tank top which had to be uncomfortable due to how cold it was outside. The benefits of being high.

Randal shoved the drunken pothead away, "You missed those fuckheads' party months ago. Get the fuck outta here, you clownshoes!" The stoner stumbled away. The clerk shook his head and continued his way inside, "I hate this goddamn town." After getting inside he saw the previous employee had everything locked up. After getting everything situated he turned on the TV and began his second shift of insanity leading into the rest of the night. As the tube heated up Randal thumbed through the new editions of Hustler as he heard the TV piping in the audio for an already in progress news report, "…and the Governor is said to recover from his latest heart attack at the end of next month. In other news, we have an update on the Red Bank murder. The victim's name has just been released. Sources say Daniel Shannon - age 26 and field manager of the Ghostbusters - is believed to be responsible for the death of 29 year old Veronica Loughran of Red Bank, New Jersey."

The victim's name caught Randal's attention as he now looked away from his precious porn magazines to listen in, "To recap the events, at approximately 7:25 this evening, Ms. Loughran was found outside her apartment steps with an unusual wound on her person. She was announced dead at the scene. Shannon is currently wanted for questioning due to the evidence found on the scene. If you see this man, do not attempt to approach him. He is armed and extremely dangerous. Call your local police. I repeat…" He turned down the TV and blinked at the report. He looked at a picture of Dan that was taken from an issue of National Inquirer with the rest of the current team of Ghostbusters, his face circled with a red ring to illustrate he was the man of interest, "I'll be damned. Bitch was killed by a Ghostbuster. I wonder what the final blowjob count was."

Attempting to get back to his priority - the porno mags - two men walked into the store. One had long blond hair under a winter cap wearing a red and black windbreaker and the other had long black hair under a backwards hat, had a beard, and was wearing a long green and black trench coat. Randal took notice of the both of them and groaned in annoyance, "Hey, I thought I told you two fucks you were banned from the store!"

The man in the winter cap started shooting his mouth off in vulgar fashion to his friend, "Man, now how ya like that shit, Lunchbox? Motherfuckin' clerk bitch hasn't seen us in months and we come back for one fuckin' brew run and starts his shit. Fuckin' dickless shithead thinks our money ain't no fuckin' good here." His friend gave him a look and head nod that said, "Yeah, really." The man in the windbreaker addressed Randal as he approached the counter, "We did what the fuckin' cocksucker in the black robes told us to do and we stayed away. Our business took a fuckin' hit after what the fuck you did, but do yas hear us bitchin' about it?" The man in the trench coat shrugged and flared his eyebrows in solidarity with his foul-mouthed cohort.

Randal wasn't having it, "You're supposed to keep doing what the guy in the black robes says, you dipshit. Considering your fucking burnout customers keep hanging around here waiting for you two shitstains to come back, I'd have to say…" he was interrupted by a set of headlights flashing in front fo the store's windows. A black pickup truck with strange decals on it stopped and parked in one of the parking spaces with its tires squealing. Two men were seen stepping out of the vehicle and running inside the store. The man in front was seen to be Dante. He ran into the man with the windbreaker and pushed him out of the way, speaking frantically, "Randal, you're not gonna believe what just happened!"

Before Randal could respond the second man in the truck came into the store. Randal's eyes went wide as he actually felt terror, "Holy shit! The Murdering Ghostbuster!" He backed into the shelves as Dan approached the counter, "I didn't murder anybody! Why do you fucking people keep saying that?!"

"You're fucking wanted, assclown!" Randal screamed at him, "It's all over the news you killed Veronica Loughran!" Dan became confused, his expression showing exactly that state, "Who in the hell is Veronica Loughran?"

Dante had a pit growing in his stomach. The name was deathly familiar, "Veronica?! No…" Dante rounded the counter and grabbed Randle by his flannel shirt, "Tell me me you're kidding! Tell me it's bullshit!"

Randal said in pure defiance, "No, I'm not!" he pointed at Dan and shouted, "I'm not! He's a psycho-killer!"

The man in the winter cap forced his way past Dan to start yelling in anger, "What the fuck are you two shitheads bitchin' about?! I was in the middle of tellin' this gopher-hole-fuckin' cock polisher why my money is worth somethin' when you came the fuck in here! And what the fuck smells like cherries?!"

Now Dan was at his limit, "All of you, shut the fuck up!" The whole room jumped at the man in the Blackhawks jersey belting at the top of his voice. He then turned to the man in the windbreaker and started to address him, "And who in the fuck are you, anyway?!" The man in the winter hat started to get a touch worried, backing off a bit and trying to speak in a calmer voice, "I'm Jay," he then pointed to the man in the coat behind her, "and this here is my hetero lifemate, Silent Bob." The man in the trench coat waved, indicating he was Silent Bob. Jay continued to talk, pointing to the two clerks behind the counter, "This was our main hub of business before these cum guzzlers got us kicked outta here!"

"And everyone still thinks it is," Randal stated, "Your skunk-smelling asshole customers keep trying to blow their Cheeto dust on me while they're looking for you two fucks! That being said," he started approaching the payphone at the end of the counter, "I'm callin' the police." He grabbed the receiver and tried to dial 911 when Dante scrambled and took the phone away from him. He slammed the phone back on the hook and turned to shove Randal back to the other side of the counter, "Stop! Look, Randal, he didn't do anything! I was there next to him the whole night!"

"How'd you know he didn't do it between periods?" the clerk asked.

Dan pointed out the glaring issue, "The game started at 7:00. It takes an hour to get from the arena to this Red Bank, at least that's what I was told. Even if I was hauling ass in my truck, I'd be gone for a prolonged period of time. This Veronica was supposedly killed at 7:30."

"Yeah," Dante said frantically, "A-and he was at the arena before I was!"

Randal tried to counter, "The report I heard said she was killed at 7:25."

Dan threw his hands up in frustration, "Sure, because five fucking minutes makes that much difference in this situation!" "Hey, you can do all kinds of shit in five minutes," Jay butted in, "you can roll a blunt; you can take a shit; you can jerk off…" as Jay talked Dan slowly turned his head toward the with a look of disgust and confusion, "Did anyone ask for your intellectual input? You're the fucking reason why I have less fear of the dead than I do the living; the living are unpredictable and outright stupid! In all my time as a Ghostbuster have I met the dumbest, but you horde the cake!" "Motherfucker," Jay just realized who he was talking to, "so you're the Ghostbuster everyone's been bitchin' about? That shit's fucked, man. At least I ain't so desperate to kill a bitch and fuck her dead body!"

Dan recoiled in horror at that accusation, "What?!"

Dante was also appalled at that accusation. So much so he hopped over the counter and took Jay by the throat. Dan and Silent Bob attempted to pull the two of them apart as Dante screamed at the stoner, "That's my ex-Girlfriend you're talking about, you burnout fuck!" The two men finally got the other two apart as Dan tried to talk Dante down, "Whoa, calm down, dude! We have bigger things to worry about!" "Correction," Randal interceded, "you have bigger things to worry about!"

Jay rubbed his throat and spoke as Silent Bob steadied him, "You mean that Catlin Bree chick? She was just as fucked. Now that's two fuckin' stiff riders I know." Silent Bob realized that was a bridge too far and slapped Jay in the back of the head for that. Dan looked at Dante with the same confused look he gave Jay a moment ago, "What the hell is he talking about?"

Dante pulled himself loose from Dan's grip as he looked at him for a moment and stuttered a moment trying to think of a way to explain it quickly. He then decided it was too difficult to explain and waved it off, turning back to Randal, "Don't you get it, Randal? Don't you see what's going on?! He's been framed! What's worse is I helped him get away!"

"He's right," Dan stepped forward, "Before we knew it was real two of the arena's security guards tried to arrest me. We knocked them out and hauled ass outta there when we saw the SWAT team van with the other cop cars coming toward us. Just on that alone they're gonna think we're in on the whole thing together." "They're gonna pin this on me because it's Veronica! They're gonna pin me arranging a murder!"

"Then why the fuck are you here?" Randal asked. "Didn't you think someone would start pointing fingers here?" "Now, let's not lose our heads here!" Dan said, "How do we even know they even suspect Dante of anything? We came here because I knew this town was nearby where the murder took place and that they saw me at the stadium north of here. They wouldn't think I came back because you'd wanna stay as far away from the murder site as possible to avoid getting caught. If I went back to the HQ, my ass would be cooked!"

Randal looked back to the TV under the counter and saw something that was in everyone's interest, "Well, you better put on your assless chaps because they got the grill runnin'." Reaching down he grabbed the small TV and hoisted it up onto the counter. He turned up the volume as the news report came through, "…There has been an update on the Ghostbuster murder. Another suspect in the killing has been identified, Dante Hicks. Veronica Loughrun, age 29, was once the girlfriend of Hicks, 29, who had ended their relationship with him in 1994," They cut to security footage of the two of them walking out of the arena, "When Continental Airlines Arena security attempted to apprehend Dan Shannon, age 26, Hicks helped attack the guards allowing both to escape custody. Shannon - field manager of the Ghostbusters - and Hicks are currently nowhere to be found. If you have any infor…"

Randal turned the TV back down as the words of the report sank in. Dan and Dante felt the most pressure from the whole situation weighing on them as they knew their whole plan got shot down. Dan removed his Blackhawks hat and ran his fingers through his hair, "Great. That idea just got torpedoed."

"Yeah, that's fuckin' karma for ya, right Tons-O-Fun?" Jay said as he began to gloat, Bob nodding in agreement, "It just shows you clerk fucks not to put a restraining order on Jay and Silent Bob! We own this block of stores, you cocksmokers!" Dan pointed with his thumb behind him to Jay as he asked Dante and Randal, "Was this fuckhead bitten by a radioactive Wade Wilson? Does he ever shut up?"

As Dan asked, Dante facepalmed himself and was rubbing his face in annoyance as he answered, "I've been trying to shut him up for almost a decade. Without industrial glue and duct tape, it ain't happening." Dan let out a stressed sigh then took his pointing hand and began rubbing his forehead in the process, "I gotta call Egon, but I can't." Jay started getting loud as he asked, "Why the fuck not? Pickin' up the phone ain't that fuckin' hard. Pick up and let your fingers do the walkin'!"

"It's not that, dumbass," Dan belted as he looked back, "I'm a New York resident. This is a murder that's being perceived as being both arranged and conducted across state lines. That makes it a federal case and I wouldn't be surprised if the FBI has all the phones tapped at the firehouse by now. I call Egon from anywhere and I'm fucked."

"Don't you have radios?" Randal asked.

"Our frequency isn't encoded," Dan said as he put his hat back on, "I call via radio, I'm just as hosed. I had to take the battery out of my cell phone so they couldn't check what towers I'm tied to. The only way I can talk to him and the team is to do it by live contact." Dante asked, "How are ya gonna do that? That place has got to be crawling with police surveillance!" "Which creates another problem," the Ghostbuster agreed. "Anyone got any ideas?"

A muffled voice came from behind everyone, "I got an idea." Everyone turned to face the man in the trench coat behind them, him attempting to light a cigarette. Dan was thrown off by the voice, "Did… did you say something?"

Silent Bob closed his Nails-branded Zippo lighter and took the now lit cigarette out of his mouth, flicking the ash off as he spoke more clearly, "Yeah, I said I have an idea on how to get you inside your headquarters."