I have a terrible night, but I still go hunting the next morning. I come back early with a good number of squirrels and rabbits. Then, I have a shower and lay on my bed, hoping to rest until Peeta arrives for breakfast, not sure if I want to see him so soon after last night. I feel more disgusted at myself as the hours pass.
My pearl hasn't left me since last night. Actually, I spent most of the night looking at it, touching it. Amazed at how I had thought it had been lost forever, but Peeta had still found it somehow. And that he had sent it to me weeks or months ago. It has been in my sitting room all this time, in the pile of hundreds of letters while I've been regretting its loss. It could have helped me a lot when I first came here. I don't know why Peeta didn't mention it when he saw I never opened his letter. I don't understand why he never told me the pearl was inside.
His letter. I had been frightened to open it because I thought it would insult me or it would at least confirm he had found someone else. But he burned it last night and I won't have the chance to read it anymore.
When it's obvious that Peeta is very late, I go downstairs just to check if he's waiting for me on my porch, but I only find the usual pastry basket in his stead.
"Morning! You look like I feel."
Haymitch is sitting on his front porch while I collect the pastry basket from the floor. I open it. It has bread and cheese buns inside. Peeta must have brought it to me this morning but chose not to linger around. No note. No blond head in sight as I look around.
"Do I look like I have a never ending hangover, Haymitch?"
He snorts. "I know that face. Whose fault is it today?" He asks.
"Mine," I reply stupidly.
"So there's hope," Haymitch mocks.
"Don't mock me," I say. "Are you hungry, Haymitch?"
I look around, trying once again to take a glimpse of Peeta. Anger builds up within me. Frankly, I have the right to be disgusted at myself. Now why does he think he has the right to feel mad at me just because Gale and I kissed? When did Peeta and I establish that we were in a committed, exclusive relationship? Never. Our relationship was a fraud and he knew that very well. Too bad for him if he couldn't accept it. Wasn't he the one who said he wanted me to be with Gale after the Quarter Quell? Everyone tries to make me feel selfish but my life would have been much easier if I had let him die in the Games instead of tricking the gamemakers and earning myself a lifetime of trouble.
Never mind that I would never let the Boy with the Bread die.
Because I already loved him back then. And before that. I was just the last to know it. I'm that stupid.
"Yes, but the boy gives you all the best stuff. I never get to eat muffins or cheese buns, just bread, so I wouldn't mind -"
"Take everything," I yell, loudly enough to be heard in Peeta's house, "I don't want anything from him."
"Don't do it," Haymitch mutters, "Whatever happened, don't make the boy feel bad. He doesn't deserve it."
I shake my head, suddenly ashamed of myself as I share the contents of the basket. It's still very generously packed and the food is as fresh as ever before.
Delly approaches some minutes later with a pair of thick books in her hands.
"Haymitch," I say, "I must warn you. Delly visited me yesterday. They want you to take part in the Initiative."
"I won't do it," he snaps.
"I respect your position. But she's coming to see if she can convince you."
Haymitch grunts. "Bloody hell."
Peeta gets out of his house at the same time I run to help Delly with the books, which tells me he was eavesdropping my conversation with Haymitch. I don't say anything to him, neither I look in his direction, although he wishes me a good morning and I can feel his eyes on me.
Delly, sensing something is off, decides to dive right into the subject. Or maybe it's because she knows Haymitch won't give her much time to speak. Somehow, we get into the house, open the windows so that the smell of alcohol dissipates and sit at a very dirty table. At first Delly excuses Thom for being busy with other affairs, then she proceeds to the hardest part. She talks about the shortage of workers, the bad living conditions, the potential medicine factory, the army. She looks exasperated when Haymitch snorts.
"Mr. Abernathy, I don't think you understand how important this experiment really is," she says.
"I'll tell you what's important: I'm the only victor who won the games against forty seven other kids. My whole family was murdered in the name of Panem and I had to prepare innocent teenagers for their slaughter for more than twenty years." His jaw clenches. "I mentored two victors, took a massive part in the Rebellion that freed our country and so far my only reward is to take care of these two lovebirds for the remainder of my life, and let me tell you, they are a huge pain in my ass. So, don't ask me for more. I've done my duty to this district and to this country and I earned the right to be left the fuck alone," he says.
"And you're unquestionably a national treasure for all your efforts," says Delly, patiently. "However, Twelve remains a peripheral district which happens to be in ruins."
"And it can stay that way for all I care." He raises his hands.
"But Mr. Abernathy, Peeta and Katniss are doing their effort."
"Effort, you say?" Haymitch blows a raspberry. "It would happen anyway, they might even secretly enjoy it. As for me, my girl has been dead for more than twenty five years and there has been no one ever since."
This is it. Right when I think Delly is going to accept defeat, she plays the last card.
"Yes, but, since there are so few of us in Twelve, we have a train that only comes to our station once a week. So when the grocery store runs out of liquor, we have to wait until the next train arrives to refill the stock. More people will mean the train comes two or three times a week, maybe every day, and we won't run out of any essential goods again."
"He complains a lot about the train, so I bought some geese for him to raise while he waits for the next one," Peeta interrupts. "How are your geese, Haymitch?"
Haymitch grunts.
"Luckily for them, the geese can take really good care of themselves," I say. Although I'm trying hard not to acknowledge anything Peeta says, I can't resist taking a playful jab at Haymitch.
"Very funny," Haymitch grunts before turning to Delly. "What do I have to do?"
Delly grins, pleased.
"The plan is for you to get married, take some pictures and make a propo or two about the Initiative. Since you're a celebrity we expect it will bring many people here. You can get an annulment after a month."
"How do I choose my fiancée?" Haymitch snorts.
"We are not very demanding about that. You can choose any woman that has been registered in our catalogue or pick your potential bride yourself. Do you want to see the catalogue?" Delly opens the first of the thick books before he can answer. "No, this is the men's book." She opens the next book. "Most of the women have already been paired," she says sheepishly. "See? The ones whose main photograph has been scratched are not available."
Peeta, Haymitch and I put ourselves around the book, trying to get a view of the women. Each file contains a close up, a full body photograph, the age and a brief description. When we get to the first woman available, Haymitch snorts.
"I'll be damned! That one's uglier than grandpa's toenails."
Delly flips the page.
"This one looks like Greasy Sae with two hundred extra pounds!"
Peeta tries to make some redeeming comments about each of the women, which upsets me because he can see no good in me.
Haymitch guffaws at the sight of the next one. "For fuck's sake! This woman has a black moustache! And it's thicker than my beard! Imagine me waking up in the middle of the night and mistaking her for Seneca Crane!"
Delly keeps flipping the pages and Peeta stops at one.
"This one looks lovely, Haymitch. Take a look."
"Yeah, I don't hate this one. But does she drink?"
"I don't know," Delly replies. "Luckily she has a phone, the number is here. I can call her and ask, Mr. Abernathy. Can I use your phone?"
"Yeah, do it before I start to regret it."
Delly is already dialling the number.
"Hello, Miss Katie, it's Delly from the Justice Building." I can hear the smile in her voice. "Yes, the Repopulate Twelve Initiative. We have a small doubt in your process. The question is - Do you appreciate the intake of alcoholic beverages? Oh. Okay. Thank you very much, Miss Katie! I'll talk to you soon." Delly puts the phone down. "She drinks socially, Mr. Abernathy."
"Fuck! So I'll have to compete for my own drinks? No way."
Delly looks exasperated but, by the look on his face, Peeta seems to be having fun. I'm having fun too, although it makes me feel like a traitor.
"Well, there are no more available women for now. As I said, the ratio between men and women is very disproportionate here," Delly explains. "But it's even better this way. We get to bring a woman from outside. We could organize a TV contest. We can ask Plutarch Heavensbee. He's a friend of Mr. Abernathy, and I can recall he's fond of you, Katniss –"
"No!" Haymitch, Peeta and I shout at the same time.
"Bring Effie Trinket," Haymitch guffaws. "I'd marry her. That must be fun."
"I don't think Effie will accept it," I say, "She already knows you."
"Whatever, you guys are pissing me already. Just choose whoever you want, or don't choose anyone at all. Women always talk so much, so loud and so high pitched they make me dizzy." He makes chitchat gestures with his hands. "I'm too old to hear a woman all day." With this, he goes upstairs and we take the cue to leave.
"So we must find him an Avox," I say, and Delly chuckles. I can see a reluctant smile forming on Peeta's lips.
Peeta and I help Delly collect the books before we leave the house. When my fingers touch his, a fleeting miscalculation of space, I feel an electric rush rising through my arm and body. He looks at me with his eyes wide open.
"I think I know the right person for Haymitch," he says as we leave. "I'll try to write to her and I'll let you know."
Delly jumps and squeals. "You're the best, Peeta. Are you joining Thom now?"
Peeta nods. I feel weird for being unaware of what they're talking about. Does this have to do with the bakery?
"I'm going with you," Delly says. "Are you coming, Katniss?"
I don't know if I'm supposed to go with them. Peeta is looking at me, expectant but distant at the same time. I want to be there for him when they find the remains of his family, but how can I be sure that's what they are talking about?
"I don't know." I don't know where exactly they are going and I'm too uncomfortable to ask because he's mad at me.
"It's okay, Katniss. It's better for you to stay as well, Dells," says Peeta before he walks away.
The urge to kick myself is great. I'm sure he's going to the bakery. As always, I'm a terrible friend. Delly shrugs and decides to go back to the Justice Building.
I go home and skin the fresh game. Thankfully I brought a lot home today. After cooking the meat I pack it in boxes inside the basket, conveniently covered so that it doesn't go cold, and walk to the bakery to serve lunch to the workers.
As I expected, there are about a dozen men working on the rubble of what used to be the Mellark Family Bakery. The work is freshly started: They are still removing blocks and stones and putting them in a cart without the help of any machinery, everyone fully covered in gray dust.
The working men take off their hats and grin in order to greet me.
"I bring lunch for all," I say after greeting the men. "I went hunting this morning."
I can see the greedy eyes. They all know I'm the only inhabitant of the district who can hunt. I'm sure Peeta doesn't let the men go hungry, but if there's one rare thing in District Twelve, that thing is meat. The train doesn't bring a lot of it, because it is very expensive. Only victors can afford to buy meat and one of them happens to be a hunter. It doesn't surprise me when most of these men tell me their families haven't eaten meat for months. Some of them ask me if there's a chance I could employ their wives at my house.
At some point, Peeta arises from the middle of the rubble and finds me surrounded by the workers. He's covered in dust and I can only recognize him by the deep blue of his eyes. He stares at me in confusion.
"I figured you would bring the bread, so I brought the meat," I tell him, embarrassed.
Peeta grins widely, wraps me in a tight hug and presses his lips against mine. We say nothing. I feel my body and face being coated by dust, but I take it gladly. I grab his t-shirt and pull him to me as we deepen the kiss.
"There's enough for you too," I say when I pull back to take a breath. He lets go of me, nods and his eyes shine when he sees the stew.
I spot Thom sitting under a tree, the same tree where I almost starved once, eating some rabbit meat and two slices of bread, and decide to join him.
"Thom?" I ask. "Is that you?"
"Hello, Katniss," says Thom, smiling, his teeth shining white in contrast to the dusty face. "Surprised to see me here?"
I laugh. "I never expected to see a Mayor doing this kind of work."
"I could say the same about our Mockingjay, the face of the nation. A Mayor has to do what needs to be done," Thom chuckles. "And right now, we need to clean up and rebuild. Besides, I'm a Seam brat at heart," he teases, mimicking the insult we used to get from some merchant class people. "Delly can read all the important stuff and I'll sign it later. She's clever and educated. I'm more talented to be a miner."
I blink. I don't bother to tell him that he and Delly attended the same school and, unlike me or her, he actually completed his education.
"Congratulations, by the way," I say. "For the baby."
Thom's eyes shine with undeniable pride. "Thank you. Don't you think it was a mistake?"
"Why should it be?" I'm confused. Isn't he the one who is promoting the Initiative?
"I don't know... When it comes from an experiment, not a love match... Is it okay to have a baby with a woman that loves someone who won't get back?" He points his chin to the rubble and I know he's talking about Rye Mellark.
"Delly looks very happy to me," I offer, not knowing what else to say.
"Delly would never complain, she has a very strong mind. She may not be physically apt to win the Hunger Games or fight in the military, but she's very daring and a great strategist. And she'll do anything to achieve her goals. But not in a bad way, Delly doesn't step on people. She loves everything and wants everyone to be happy. She was born to be great."
I look at him in awe. "You really love her."
"Who wouldn't?"
"Not everyone, I hope," I chuckle.
Thom giggles. "I went to school with Rye Mellark. The guy was really smooth. He was the biggest womanizer one can think about. Girls always fell for him and did everything he wanted. Behind the school, the Hob, slag heap, you name it. But then he dropped them all. Everyone could see it when he set his eyes on Delly. The guy loved her. We went to the same places sometimes, that's how I got to notice her, but she never gave me a second glance. Delly doesn't remember me before Thirteen. I always kept to myself and wasn't nearly as handsome. She had Rye, but then all this crap happened and now she's stuck with me."
"You're a great catch, Thom." I don't know what else to say, so I hug him. "Delly visited Haymitch this morning. I don't know how she does it, but she convinced him to get married," I say.
"She can make one do anything," says Thom, giggling.
"I need to watch out for her, she's good."
"Don't worry. She's a master manipulator, but she won't do anything that she thinks will hurt someone," Thom smiles. "It's good if it can help bring people to the district, but that's not the only reason she does it. She doesn't want people to feel lonely. She really thinks Haymitch can use some love. She really wanted you and Peeta to admit that you love each other. And I agree with her."
"So you don't think I love Gale?" I ask.
"No, I don't," says Thom. "Do you?"
"Peeta thinks I do."
"Are things that bad between you?" Thom looks disheartened.
"It's not going well. I think we'll file for annulment by the end of the month. It's okay."
After lunch, I ask the men to show me how I can help and they tell me to remove the tiles, stones and bricks and to carry them to the cart. To my relief, we don't find any corpse or possession on this first day. I don't think Peeta is ready for that.
By the end of the day, I pour a bucket of water over myself, so that I stop eating and breathing dust, and decide to go home. Peeta is still carrying heavy pieces of debris when I leave and I wave goodbye to him. He waves back, faintly. The men seem to think nothing of our odd interaction. He's still close, and I know he hears it because of the look in his eyes, when one of the workers says to another in admiration:
"Mr. Mellark has a wonderful wife."
If only they knew.
Later, at home, the phone rings and, for the first time since I came back to Twelve, I pick the call.
"Hello –"
"Brainless, is this really you?"
"Johanna!" My heart pangs at the sound of her voice and realize how much I needed to hear it. "I miss you."
"It doesn't seem like that," she retorted, "You didn't pick any of my calls. I didn't even know if I should -"
"I've been feeling numb", I explain sheepishly, "But you can't imagine how happy I am for hearing your voice."
"I miss you too, Katniss," she sighs, and I imagine her rolling her eyes "I don't know about the numbness. You and your sweetheart are in the cover of every magazine. Finally getting along with Lover Boy?" I can hear the smirk in her voice.
"I don't know. We're barely on speaking terms."
"For fuck's sake. You love the boy -"
"How are you doing, Jo?" I change the subject.
"Bunking with Annie in Four. Speaking of whom – Do you know why I'm calling?" Johanna asks.
"You tell me."
"Finnick Odair's son was born this morning. Annie named him Finn." Her voice is full of emotion. "He's such a cutie, Everdeen. This boy is totally an Odair."
A good thirty seconds pass before I can say anything.
"Oh, I – Oh my - You're telling me Annie was pregnant?"
"You're so clueless! Annie wrote telling you about that!"
"Did Peeta know?" I ask, ignoring her.
"Of course. He calls us every other week."
Traitor. I'm mad at him for not telling me, but my heart swells with pride for Finnick. This is a wonderful ending for such a hard day. I'm crying and laughing at the same time. I'm a mess.
"I'm so happy for Annie. Did Finnick know?"
"No," she replies, sadly, before changing the subject, "I'd put you on the phone with Annie, but she's asleep."
"I wish I could visit Annie and the baby, but I'm not allowed to leave District Twelve," I lament.
"I'm sure we can arrange it," Johanna says.
"Are you taking care of the baby?" I ask.
"No, Annie's parents are here and won't even let her touch him. They are so overbearing! I can do nothing right and they downright hate me. Now they won't talk to me because I nicknamed the baby Finny Frog," she sighs. "If only I could go back home for a week or so, but it's too lonely there -"
"Jo?" I say, suddenly excited "Why don't you visit me?
"I can't refuse that," she laughs, "I need to find a scheme to get you laid."
After two hours chatting and catching up with Johanna, I go to Haymitch's house and share the news with him. He nods and a tear falls down his face. In the heat of the moment I hug him, which he didn't see coming and which makes for a very awkward moment. Then we cheer and wish Finn Michael Odair a long, bright, wonderful life.
Later, as I prepare to go to bed, I open the door to Primrose's room and feel her presence involving me in a sweet bout of calm and happiness.
"Life is going on, Little Duck," I say, tears welling up in my eyes, "I'll do my best to be as happy as you wanted me to be. I'll make your life count."
I press the pearl inside my pocket. Waiting for me in bed, Buttercup purrs.