"Do what you do," Peeta says as he zips his pants, "Don't treat her any differently or acknowledge she has a disability. One of the problems she had at the Capitol was the inability to accept she's an Avox."
Peeta sent Lana Smallwood money to buy new clothes and the train ticket. He paid for extensive medical exams, since she won't have any kind of healthcare here. After that, she promised she would take the next train to district Twelve.
Today is the day she is supposed to arrive.
Peeta is very nervous about this. He says that Lana was like a mother to everyone at the Mental Health Facility and he thinks there is a chance she may be too sensitive for someone like Haymitch.
"I don't give a damn," Haymitch grunted when we told him his wife was coming in a few days. Peeta tried to tell him about her, but Haymitch always shut him down. "I'll like the lady more if I know nothing about her," he chuckled. However, he didn't disagree with the marriage; he just doesn't care. The subject is like a joke to him now. This is why we didn't tell him Lana is an Avox, and Peeta is very worried about that.
I'm nervous too, because I was the one to make the joke Haymitch should marry an Avox. I just didn't think Peeta would take it seriously.
"The things he says, Katniss. Maybe he needs someone who can give him the answer he deserves and not an Avox."
"It's so unlike you to see the bad side of things. I guess you're spending too much time with me," I reply.
He chuckles but keeps rambling as I put on my dress.
"I'll help Haymitch get ready," I say, "You can go get Lana, she'll want to see a familiar face at the station. You're well enough now."
Peeta nods and blushes at this. He has being doing well for some days now and can move as freely as before, but this is the first time one of us acknowledges it. We still keep to ourselves in my room mostly, painting and writing for our memory book and reading futile things about ourselves in magazines so just we can clip some photos and quotes to add to the book. It has been lovely to take care of my husband and I don't want it to end, but we can't deny the truth forever.
"Does it mean it's time to go back to my house?" He asks.
"Do you want to go?" I ask, secretly afraid of his answer.
"I'd rather not," he admits.
"Me neither," I'm not good at this, so I just use our old formula, "Will you stay with me?"
"Do you want me to live here?" He says, almost as if he can't believe it, "As in Mr. and Mrs. Mellark?"
"Yes, please," I reply.
He takes me in his arms and stares at me.
"I love you so much, Katniss. Is this real?"
"Very real. Now go to the station," I say.
He smiles like he's going to burst from happiness before he leaves.
I go to Haymitch's house and step inside without knocking, as usual. The house is a mess even though Greasy Sae came to clean it up two days ago. Haymitch is passed out on the couch with the TV on and surrounded by empty bottles.
This is going to be a disaster. He has been so well since Peeta's accident... We even believed he could change, but he had to choose this day to get wasted.
I look at the clock and realize it's not too late to get help. I grab some coins from Haymitch's entry table and run outside, go to the entrance of Victor's Village and shout to the first boy I see.
"Can you get Hazelle Hawthorne here? She lives in the Seam. Tell her Katniss is calling and she's needed at the house of Haymitch Abernathy." I put the coins in his hands.
Hazelle arrives not long after. She already knows the house because she used to clean it up before the war. She automatically covers her nose when we get inside, even though all windows are open.
"His fiancée arrives today and the house is like this," I say, "Can you help me?"
"How long do we have?" she asks, not trying to hide the surprise when I say the word fiancée.
"About one hour."
She smiles and starts collecting the empty bottles. I choose to let Haymitch sleep so that he doesn't waste our time, but I feel like throwing water on him every time he snores. Hazelle works downstairs while I go upstairs to prepare Lana's bedroom. Haymitch's bedroom looks good too, but that's just because he never sleeps there. The bathroom is disgusting and there are signs of dry vomit. I almost throw up while I scrub the floor.
"Peeta wants to apologize to Rory," I tell Hazelle when I go back to the sitting room, "But he had an accident and has been bedridden for a while."
"I think Rory will appreciate that," Hazelle replies pensively, "Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm good."
"Are you afraid of your man, child?"
My mind registers that she thinks I'm afraid of Peeta. It makes me mad that anyone can think he's an abusive husband, and I immediately resent Hazelle for thinking ill of my sweet boy who has done nothing in his life but put himself in danger for my safety.
"No, Peeta is very gentle to me. He won't do me any harm."
She looks pitiful when I reply, as if she doesn't believe me and my answer has really made her sure I am afraid of Peeta.
"You can talk to me anytime, Katniss."
I don't reply. I love Hazelle, but I can't bring myself to look at her face right now. I know she expected to be my mother-in-law one day, but things are what they are. I wished she could get to know Peeta better but now I'm not sure he deserves to be put under her scrutiny. And I know she only wants to make sure I'm safe, but nothing makes me safer than being with the only living person that still connects me to life.
"Do you think Mr. Abernathy would consider hiring me again?" Hazelle asks, "Things are even harder than before and I don't have my Gale to hunt for us."
"Consider yourself hired," I reply, thinking of her three younger children, "I'll tell Haymitch when he's sober. Give him three days to be alone with his new wife and then you can start coming every day."
Hazelle laughs and nods. She leaves after I pay for her work.
The house looks good once again, so it's time to wake Haymitch up. I try to shake him awake and call his name, but he snores even louder. How I wish I could dump some water on his head, but I don't want him to look bad for his wife, so I throw him out of the couch instead.
"Haymitch, wake up! Go wash your face and clean your teeth before she arrives."
Actually he should have a shower, but I don't think he can step into the tub on his own and I won't help him either, so I just hope Lana will overlook his oily hair.
"What are you doing?" he sputters.
"Your wife. She's arriving with Peeta any minute now."
"Fuck," he mutters, standing up.
I give him clothes and somehow convince him to get clean and dressed. After that, I serve him toast and strong coffee.
As I watch Haymitch eat, I realize I believe he deserves to be happy and I wonder if this woman will give him the purpose he lacks. Peeta is very smart about people, so he must have a reason why he thinks they can be good for each other. But he was mentally unstable when he got acquainted with Lana. I've asked him why he decided to match them and he's uncertain about that.
"At least is she pretty?" Haymitch asks.
"I don't know." It's true. I have never seen her picture; Avoxes don't have money to take pictures.
I convince him to go outside so we can wait for them. The sunlight aggravates his drunk self and he gets grumpy.
Seconds later, we see them. Lana Smallwood is nothing like I imagined her. As she approaches I can see she has long and wavy light brown hair, greyish blue eyes that look almost white, and fair, pinkish skin. She's also not big and looks a little bit skinny, like I did when I was hungry, but it's still easy to see she's a mature woman who has been through a lot. She wears a white chiffony dress that makes her resemble a fairy from the Capitol's children books.
"She's an angel," Haymitch says so slurredly it makes me fear it's the liquor speaking for him.
Peeta, walking with the woman's small bag in his hands, seems to believe this to be a good start. Then they come closer and I hear Peeta's unusually nervous voice, "Katniss and Haymitch, this is Lana".
Lana gives me a kind smile and then grins shyly at Haymitch.
"The rest of Lana's luggage will come in a cart later today," says Peeta.
Trying to minimize the awkwardness and tension, he talks about the train and their walk home, but I'm the only one who replies. Haymitch says nothing, looking rather bashful. His eyes don't meet mine or Peeta's, they only seize Lana from head to toe. She also stares quizzically at him.
"Cat got your tongue?" Haymitch finally asks her in a slurred voice, trying to be funny. Peeta's lips part at this.
Lana frowns.
"Haymitch, Lana is an Avox," I say.
"That's gross. You get me a wife from the Capitol and this is the best you can get? How does one kiss an Avox?" He says, and then bursts out laughing.
Lana's body sags and she blushes. Tears well up in her eyes, her mouth twitches and she looks down before she can look at Haymitch again. When she does, it's with a ferocious and teary glare. If looks could kill, he would fall on the floor right now. Peeta and I look at each other and can't bring ourselves to say anything.
Then, Lana takes her bag from Peeta's hands and goes inside the house without waiting for an invitation, striking Haymitch, who is on her way, with her small shoulder. Way to make a statement.
"Really, Haymitch, you can be such a jerk sometimes," I say, almost on the verge of tears after watching the scene.
Peeta cups his head with both hands and paces. "This is bad," he says.
I don't have time to answer because we hear clinking from inside the house. I can even guess what it is but I can't quite believe it. Haymitch, however, seems to know exactly what's happening as he rushes inside.
"Woman! What are you doing?" He shouts in a haunted voice when his eyes take sight of it.
Lana has just poured the content of every bottle of liquor out to the sink and then throws the empty bottles to the trash can. She glares at Haymitch in defiance.
"No!" Haymitch yells. He knees, takes the bottles from the trash can one by one and turns them upside down, trying to find some liquid in them and licking the tip of the bottles. It almost looks like he weeps after that. Lana stares at him in disgust before I take her upstairs.
"This is your bedroom," I say, opening a door, "I made the bed this morning before you arrived."
If she looked despaired before seeing her bedroom, she smiles at its sight and happily sits on the bed.
"I chose this room for you because it has a direct view to our own, if you need something from us. But if you like Haymitch's room better we can kick him out of there." He never sleeps there anyway, but she doesn't need to know it yet.
Lana shakes her head and seems really pleased with her room. She doesn't stop gesturing to me. I think it's because she really loves it, but her demeanour is still kind of sad. She looks concerned.
"You did well today," I reassure her, "When Peeta and I first met Haymitch, Peeta lashed out at the glass in Haymitch's hand and was punched in the jaw in retaliation. I was really mad to see Haymitch hurt Peeta, so I drove my knife into the table between his hand and the bottle. Luckily for us, it turned out Haymitch likes fighters."
She gasps and growls a laugh. Lana always covers her mouth when she laughs.
"What happened now... It was the alcohol speaking for him. Sober Haymitch is a real softie. He will be really sorry for this later."
She shakes her head and closes her fists, looking angry again.
I go fetch a pen and pad from the bedside table drawer. Maybe she wants to communicate something. Peeta bought those because he remembered that's how Lana favors communication. With a thankful smile, she takes the pen and pad but doesn't write a word.
"Do you like the house?" I ask.
She nods approvingly with her eyebrows raised. I know what she's saying: she didn't expect the house to be so big.
"You don't need to do anything," I say, "A woman will come every day to clean the house for you."
She shakes her head and points at herself, as if she's trying to tell me she's going to be the one in charge of cleaning.
"There's no need," I say, "Haymitch is a wealthy man and he can afford it. This woman speaks too much overall, but she's someone you can trust. Her name is Hazelle Hawthorne."
Lana stares at me quizzically and writes on her pad.
GALE HAWTHORNE?
"Yes, she's Gale's mother. How do you know Gale?" I ask. She grins happily and writes again.
HE IS A FRIEND OF PEETA
She has a look of adoration now as she looks at me. It's so odd.
There's a knock at the door and Peeta comes inside the room.
"Lana, I'm sorry," he starts, "You can go back to the Capitol if that's what you want. You may stay at our other house for the rest of the week and I'll pay for the trip back." His tired eyes shine when he says our other house. It was just his house two hours ago.
Lana takes a look at her bed, to the comfort of the room, and looks uneasy. That's when she begins to cry profusely. She has nowhere else to go, I deduce. She starts writing.
DOES HE WANT ME TO GO AWAY?
"I don't think so," Peeta replies, so she writes again.
I WILL STAY
"So it's settled," Peeta smiles, but his eyes show concern. Lana writes once more.
I THINK I CAN BE HAPPY HERE
We hear gagging sounds from downstairs. Lana, taking over, is the first to run and see what's going on.
I watch as she takes the scene in disgust. Haymitch is vomiting all over the carpet, but it spreads across the floor too. He collapses, scrubs his knees on it and then falls with his cheek in the pool of vomit. He rolls over and wipes his hand on his face, smearing his whole face and hair with vomit. He tries to get up but can't. The room reeks of thrown up alcohol.
"Smells really bad," he states in the same slurred voice he had before.
Peeta and I each take one of Haymitch's arms and help him to his feet before we half-carry him to the bathroom. We haul him into the bathtub and Lana turns the shower on him in the coldest water possible. He gasps and groans repeatedly.
"I'll take it from here," says Peeta, gesturing for us to leave.
Lana is having none of it and starts undressing Haymitch. Not wanting to watch it, I rush outside and close the door after me.
I sit on the porch stairs and Peeta joins me minutes later. He puts his arm around my shoulders and kisses my temple.
"She wouldn't let me turn the hot water," he says in astonishment.
"Is that what your mind retains? The whole thing was a disaster and she just saw him naked."
Peeta chuckles but says nothing.
"What are they doing now?" I ask.
"She's getting him dressed for the wedding."
I had forgotten the wedding. Or after the recent events I didn't even believe it was still supposed to happen.
"I made a mistake by bringing her here," says Peeta, "Now she doesn't want to leave. Of course, she was sleeping in a cupboard and had no living conditions."
I rest my head on his shoulder.
Minutes later, Haymitch and Lana show up at the door and she nods for us to show her the way. "Let's get married," the groom says slurredly at least five times in the two minutes it takes to go from his house and into the new Justice Building.
Delly looks pleased to see the bride and nods in approval. She proceeds to explain the Initiative to Lana, who looks concerned when she learns there's a one month trial before they decide if they want to annul the marriage or not.
"By the way, the two of you," Delly points at Peeta and I, "Have you given up on that ridiculous idea of annulment?"
"Yes," Peeta replies with pride, caressing my hand, "Now that I have her I'm not letting her go."
Delly squeals and hugs us, like she always does. She can be tiresome sometimes. I'm thankful when the officiant comes and tells her to be quiet.
They are told the legal implications of their marriage under the new constitution. The marriage can be annulled after one month without repercussions. After that, the only way to dissolve that marriage is divorce, in which case Haymitch's prior possessions only belong to him. Possessions acquired during their marriage, however, belong to both and are to be parted in half in the circumstance of divorce. They have the duty to stay faithful and help each other in times of need, which, in case of failure, may lead to one or both of them being sued.
The bride and groom accept the terms, sign their names and then they are declared husband and wife.
"You may now kiss the bride."
Lana turns her face to the other side when she hears this and Delly gasps at the sight.
We go to the Mayor's office, where Thom has just finished a meeting with some engineers, and they tell Lana about the photos and propos, which Peeta already had done in his first letter. Delly asks if she can take a photo of the newlyweds kissing – we know she'll send it to the magazines and newspapers like she did to our wedding photograph - and Lana throws a silent fit because she doesn't want to kiss Haymitch. In the end, Delly just takes a picture of the two of them outside the Justice Building, Lana smiling tightly, Haymitch with a drunk grin and his hand around his wife's waist, which Lana only accepted at Delly's insistence.
"What about the propos you wanted us to do?" I ask Delly after the new Mr. and Mrs. Abernathy leave, because I dislike the idea of the propos and I'm secretly hopeful she's given up on them.
"I've called Cressida because I know she's trustworthy, but she and Pollux have been busy promoting their new book."
This is true. Cressida and Pollux have just released a book about the rebellion, focusing for the most part in our work in District Thirteen and the Star Squad mission at the Capitol. I hated the idea at first, but they sent us a book and we read a new chapter in bed every morning. We tried it at night but it brought us a lot of nightmares.
I like what we've read so far. The book is accurate and it does a wonderful job of defending the reasons why the execution of President Coin was a blessing for Panem.
We stay with Delly until lunchtime. Peeta had considered preparing a big wedding lunch for Haymitch, but abandoned the idea after Lana wrote she likes to eat alone. We eat lunch with Thom and Delly instead.
When we go home, we see the clothes Haymitch was wearing this morning when Lana arrived, as well as the rug he vomited, freshly washed and hung out in the wooden fence of his porch. Haymitch appears at the door looking dejected. He brings a mop and bucket and I take a glimpse of Lana Abernathy standing behind him with her arms crossed, looking at him with the firm discipline one would use to command a small child. I don't think Haymitch has ever used a mop before.
He sees us and his shoulders sag. "This woman is the devil," he mutters as he shakes his head, going back inside and closing the door behind him.
"I made a mistake, didn't I?" Peeta asks me.
"I think she hates him and he'll hate her soon too," I agree.
We should be heading to the bakery site. Peeta's oldest brother was found three days ago in the staircase and the top floor has been totally removed by now, so we expect to find the rest of the family any time. But we've gotten so used to our bed being our comfort place that we go there to recover from the blows of the day instead.
I snort as I remember how Lana emptied the liquor stock. Peeta laughs as he recalls how she undressed Haymitch under freezing water.
"Haymitch must have had to wash the clothes and the rug with his bare hands," I say.
"And the rug. Imagine Haymitch scrubbing the rug." says Peeta.
We roll over in bed, laughing, and laugh even more as we remember Haymitch's face when he took the mop and bucket outside. We can't stop until our bellies hurt and we are just moaning in pain.
The phone rings.
"I must go to the bakery anyway," he says, tucking my breasts into the bra and caressing them goodbye.
"Wait for me," I reply, "I'm going too."
I run down the stairs and pick up the call to hear my mother's voice.
"Katniss, it's me."
"Oh, hello."
"How is Peeta?"
"That was almost two weeks ago. He's fine, otherwise you'd have heard it in the news."
I feel my braid being undone and turn my head to see Peeta behind me, starting to rebraid my hair.
"I'm really sorry about that, Katniss, things have been chaotic here –"
"Never mind, he's fine," I repeat.
"Are you sure he's safe to be around?" She asks.
"Yes, I am," I reply, trying not to elaborate, because I don't want Peeta to feel self conscious.
My mother sighs.
"I hope so. He used to love you so much. Is he treating you well as a husband?"
"He treats me very well. I've got to go now. I have some things to do."
"Goodbye, Katniss, I love you."
"I love you too," I hang up.
"Sorry I had to rebraid your hair," Peeta says, "It looked like we had been up to something."
We walk to the bakery hand in hand after taking a look at the Abernathys' house.
"Seriously," says Peeta, "Do you think we should leave the two of them alone?"
"I think they'll be okay. Lana has to be harsher when standing up for herself because she doesn't have a voice," I reply, but I'm just trying to get him to stop worrying.
"There's something I want to discuss with you," he starts, "I'd like to rebuild the bakery."
"Really?" I ask.
"Yeah. We have more money than we can spend and we don't really need to work, but the district needs a bakery. I wouldn't really be there all the time, just at the beginning, to teach the recipes to the employees. After that, I'd rather be home writing our book with you. I was thinking we can take some of the profit until the rebuilding expenses are covered and then hand all the profit to our employees. It would even enable us to hire more people. I think we have the responsibility to provide jobs," he adds, looking at me nervously, "What do you think?"
"I love it," I say, "I don't even know what to say. It's so like you."
"It's very like you, too," he says, "It's not only that. We have two big houses, but I don't want to leave only houses to our children one day. I want to leave them our family traditions. The Mellark Family Bakery has been in our family since before the Dark Ages and I want it to go on for at least a few more generations."
Right, children. Of course Peeta wants them. I'm not sure if I'll ever do, because it hurts too much to see them suffer. I watched Prim starve, be reaped and then die in a bombing and I don't think I'll ever recover from that. At some point I would never even entertain the idea, but I really like to imagine Peeta having children. I know I would love them a lot just for them being his. But I don't know if I'll ever be ready.
"I think the idea is amazing. But I don't know about children..."
His shoulders sag.
"Don't you want them?" he asks, clearly disappointed.
"I don't know, it scares me. Don't you think it's selfish to bring them here?"
"No. We can raise them well and make the world a little better," says Peeta, "Is this at least open for discussion later?"
"Yes," I say.
"I really want children with you," he murmurs with a sigh.
There's unusual movement when we arrive at the rubble. I take an inadvertent look at the dead people's cart and have a glimpse of two pairs of shoes connected to dusty, shattered clothes.
"They found them," I whisper. It makes Peeta look at the cart and try to go there.
"Wait," I say, grabbing him, "It's been so long. Are you really sure you want to see?"
"No," he says after thinking about it. The workers tell us how they found Rye and Mr. Mellark. They were both in the preparation room, close to the oven, and were found within minutes of each other.
"They must have been kneading dough for the next day," says Peeta.
Ronald, one of the workers, tells Peeta to see the family possessions that have been found so far. Peeta goes after him and I linger for a while until I realize Thom has just arrived and is staring at the cart too.
"How can they be sure which one of the brothers it is?" I ask him. I think it's pertinent, as the three Mellark sons looked alike and were similar in stature, the age difference being an interval of two years between each birth. It's important to be sure, because one of them is to be buried with his wife and the other with his parents.
"By the wedding band. Only one of the brothers was married," Thom replies.
"Oh," I say stupidly.
The dead people's cart departs with the two bodies that will join the rest of the family in a shed, the funeral being set for the day after.
We go home soon after that, force ourselves to eat our stew and bread and then go to bed and cry about everything and everyone we've lost until there are no tears left and the exhaustion leads us to fall asleep.
On the next morning, before the funeral, we go check how things are going at Haymitch's house.
As we step inside without invitation, like we always do in Victor's Village, we find a domestic scene before us. Lana sits on the rug, her feet tucked underneath her, massaging her husband's bare feet while Haymitch leans on the couch and caresses Lana's hair with his hand. Before they see us, she tilts her head up to look at his face with a tender smile, but then takes a glimpse of Peeta and I and waves at us.
Haymitch stands up immediately and puts his shoes on. "The two of you need to start knocking," he says.
"Your bread," says Peeta.
Haymitch grunts and then thanks us for the bread, trying to show some manners. Lana gestures for us to sit at the table and we accept the invitation.
"Are the two of you eating breakfast here?" asks Haymitch, "You just want to know what's going on, you never have breakfast with me."
He forgot that we don't even know at what time he eats breakfast. Sometimes it's in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon, sometimes in the middle of the night. Sometimes he doesn't eat breakfast at all; everything depends on how drunk he is. I bite my tongue before I reply because I don't want to scare Lana off.
Lana grins at us and makes tea and toast while we chat. Then she serves her husband and sits at the table smiling adoringly at him.
"So," Haymitch clears his throat, "I was made aware you paid for a ton of clothes and medical exams for this lady. How much do I have to reimburse you?"
Lana smiles even more and looks at him with tenderness and pride.
"There's no need for that –"
"It's not up for discussion."
Lana runs to fetch the bills, gives them to Haymitch and points to a handwritten number with the total amount. She's done the math.
"You know where the safe is, darling," Haymitch says, sliding his thumb between her cheek and chin, "You can go get it for the boy."
She kisses the corner of his mouth and he smiles at his plate after he watches her leave.
Peeta is the first to speak:
"So you're getting along well?"
"I think it's going to be a nice month," says Haymitch.
"I didn't see it coming." Peeta replies.
Haymitch grunts.
"How did this happen? You hated each other yesterday," I ask.
"I don't kiss and tell," he says, and the discussion is over because Lana is back.
After breakfast we rush to the funeral. The Mellarks won't go to the deep pit that's been dug in the meadow. When Peeta's mother was found, I called President Paylor and asked for permission to bury them in the cemetery of Victor's Village. It was originally supposed to be a burial place for victors only, but the Hunger Games are over and we have three victors only.
We had a victor before Haymitch and we know she's dead, but her body isn't buried in Victor's Village. Haymitch once said there's a rumour President Snow took an exaggerated interest in her whereabouts and spent a lot of public money to have her found by the secret services. It is said he kept her ashes at home by the time he died, but there's no reliable source to back this. I think it would be bizarre for Snow to care about a victor from the backwards District Twelve, so it's obviously a lie.
Paylor issued us a lifelong permission that established the victors' family members could be buried there if that's our desire.
We had expected the funeral to be a small affair, with only us, the Abernathys, Delly and Thom and maybe some of the recovery workers, but we're wrong.
Almost four hundred people show up to the funeral of the baker and his family, which is even more people than I knew lived in the whole district by now. I see Haymitch and Lana walk arm in arm, Delly and Thom looking awkward but dignified. I see Hazelle and her children, the Seam folk, the few surviving merchants and many people I've never seen in my life. There are also many people I had thought were dead.
Everyone wants to say the final goodbye to the kind baker. Maybe they went to school with him or his children, or they were clients, or they just happened to cross their paths.
At some point I'm lost in memory and I go years back. I can vividly see the boys playing with an improvised ball in front of the bakery as I go trade with my father; their mother threatening me when she found me searching for food in her trash can; the boy with the bread saving my life; the smile of the baker every time I went to trade with him; the way the two older boys chuckled every time they saw me; the day Rye beat Peeta in the wrestling competition; the baker's visit to me after the reaping; the cookies I didn't eat; the baker's promise to keep Prim fed; the boys trying to talk to me when we came back from our first games, just to have me turn away and leave; the baker's disappointed face when it became obvious I didn't want to meet the family officially.
I'm overcome by a wave of nostalgia and remorse. I look at Delly and then at Peeta because I know they are in need of comfort, but they seem calm and collected. When Peeta feels my eyes on him, he gives me a reassuring smile and a squeeze in my hand. This boy is trying to reassure me on his family's funeral.
After the service, as Peeta is being greeted by people, shaking hands, being hugged and responding to condolences, I look around and spot Beetee in the middle of the crowd. Beetee of all people.
My eyes meet his and he waves, starting to roll his wheelchair in my direction. I don't know yet what to feel about him because – I believe - he created the bomb that killed my sister. But this is not the time to think about it. I've liked and trusted Beetee from the moment I met him. Once he is in front of me with an excited smile, I bend to get closer to his level.
"Beetee? What are you doing in Twelve?"
"I arrived on the last train for some meetings," he says, "Because of some infrastructures the mayor wants to have built. I've been offered to stay at a house in Victor's Village, but I'm just staying in the inn at the station with the other engineers. When I heard about the funeral I knew I had to be here for Peeta."
"Well, it's good to see you. You look well," I say honestly, and it's the first time I realize I've missed him.
Suddenly, I see the wheelchair taking flight and crashing on the floor, with Beetee immediately moaning and fidgeting on the ground. My first reaction is to kneel down next to him to see if his wounds are serious, but then Peeta says:
"Go to him, you whore. I know you want to."
I look at Peeta in shock. This is terribly humiliating. I turn around to see how many people have heard it.
Peeta turns to Beetee and tries to attack him, but a couple of men manage to grasp my husband by his arms even though he gives them a good fight.
So I think of doing something that could be dangerous but has worked before: I cup Peeta's cheeks with my hands, touch his ears with my fingertips and kiss him on the mouth until he regains full consciousness.
When he looks around, some people look at him like he scares them, others like he's crazy and there are the ones who just laugh. They start to go away.
Then Haymitch is wielding a knife, pointing it to people who dare talk about Peeta, slashing it in the air, shouting things that don't make any sense. It seems he has been hit by a fragment of the wheelchair and it triggered something in him. Lana is the only one who doesn't run away from Haymitch, instead trying to take the knife from him but she's too short to reach his raised arm.
People must think us victors are unhinged. Peeta has just attacked a man on a wheelchair, I'm kissing him passionately after he just called me a whore and Haymitch is acting like a lunatic.
Peeta looks at Beetee, then at Haymitch, then at me. "I'm so sorry, Katniss –"
"Let's go home," I say, as I remove him from the men's arms and take him by his hand.
I see Jon taking care of Beetee and realize he's in good hands. I don't try to save Haymitch from himself; Lana is doing a good job at that. I just need take Peeta home, so I do exactly that and lock the door behind us when we arrive.
"Tell me how it started," I plead, "Please. I know it has something to do with your torture."
"Don't make me talk about it."
"I need to know when you're going to hurt someone."
People knock and we ignore them.
"Please, don't leave me now," he implores, "You're the only family I have left."
"I'm not leaving you," I assure him.
We go upstairs and into the room. He's shaking from the after-effects of the flashback. I tuck him into bed and sit next to him. He looks at me in tears but refuses to talk.
"But Peeta, I think I deserve an explanation. I think you implied I'm unfaithful to you with Beetee," I say.
"I'm sorry -"
"At least do you know it's not real?"
"Yes, I know it's a lie," he says.
"I've realized I can stop your attacks when I kiss you. If you just tell me when I should expect -"
"I need to sleep," he interrupts me.
Peeta rolls over and pretends he's falling asleep. I've spent a lot of time watching him sleep lately and I know what it looks like. His body relaxes, the breathing slows, he snores lightly and doesn't hide his face, exactly the opposite of what he's doing right now. I can't believe it.
Alone, I decide to go back to check on Beetee and Haymitch, but I find Hazelle instead.
"Mr. Latier went to be seen by the nurse and Mr. Abernathy went home with his wife," she tells me.
We stay there in silence for a while. I think I look miserable.
"Something's not quite right with that boy," Hazelle says, "I saw him throw that wheelchair in the air like it was nothing. He could break you in half if he set to hurt you."
"I understand why you think that, Hazelle, but he's always good to me," I say.
"I still think you should stay away from him, child."
We are under our bedroom window and Hazelle is a very loud speaker, so I know Peeta is listening. I accept an invitation for tea at her house just because I want her to go away, but when we reach the entrance to Victor's Village I tell her I'm too tired to go anywhere.
When Hazelle gets out of sight I head to the inn at the station to check on Beetee. His head is bandaged and Jon is still examining his wounds. Beetee smiles when I step into his room and gives me a thumbs up to show me he's okay.
"I'm sorry, Beetee. Peeta has nothing against you. It's still what they did to him at the Capitol -"
"I know, Katniss," is all he says.
After that I go check on Haymitch. He's taking a nap on Lana's bedroom, so she invites me into the kitchen, where she's preparing custard for herself. She makes some gestures and a worried face. She wants to know about Peeta.
"He doesn't want to talk to me," I tell her almost angrily, "But I know it has something to do with his torture at the Capitol."
She writes on the pad, HE IS ASHAMED.
"I know. What do you think I should do?"
LOVE HIM.
I laugh at her solution, but she's dead serious.
"I love him, I just don't like being shut out like this."
She writes again, KEEP LOVING HIM. I THINK HE'S AFRAID OF LOSING YOU.
Lana offers me some cake she has made for Haymitch. I realize I didn't have lunch. Her cake is not as good as Peeta's, but it's delicious nonetheless.
"He can't lose me," I say, "I'm –"
"Eating my cake?" Haymitch asks grumpily from the door, looking disheveled from sleep.
Lana smiles, takes him by the hand and sits him down. She gives him a slice of cake and gives me a second slice.
"How is the boy?" he asks.
"At home, pretending to sleep so that he doesn't have to talk to me," I tell him, "Lana thinks he's afraid of losing me and that's why he's shutting me out."
"Well, the boy is used to get rejected by you for every possible reason, so it makes sense."
Lana scowls at her husband and gives me a motherly hug. I sigh.
"How are you now, Haymitch?"
"I'd be much better with a drink," he replies, glancing at Lana. She glares at him.
After a while I decide to go home and check on Peeta. He's still lying on the bed, muscles tensed, hiding his face from me and pretending to be asleep while I talk to him.
"You know," I snap, "You forgot to snore."
After that I shut the door and go downstairs.
I dial Johanna's number and she picks it up immediately.
"Brainless, I was starting to think you had forgotten me."
"Sorry, it's been busy here," I say sheepishly.
"I know, living with Lover Boy must be tiring you a lot. Have you done the deed already?"
"Johanna! No!"
"What? Look, Brainless, for fuck's sake. Just show up in underwear and the problem will be solved."
"No, we see each other in underwear every day."
"What the hell? You guys are nuts. Just show up naked then –"
"We're taking it slow," I say.
"I should have known when the guy didn't even look at me in the elevator. Have you heard about blue pills?"
"Johanna! It's not like that, I know he always gets aroused," I whisper, feeling stupid for sharing my intimacy like this.
Johanna laughs.
"So it's good I'm getting on the next train to Twelve."
"Really? You are?"
"Yup. And I'll find a way for you guys to get laid."
"Jo..."
She sighs.
"Katniss, there's something else I need to tell you. Promise you won't get mad at me?"
I always know something is serious when Jo calls me by my name.
"Shoot it, Johanna."
"I slept with Gale Hawthorne," she says.
"What?!"
I cringe. Really, why do people have no self control?
"Three days ago... He was in Four training the new army and he was willing –"
"It's okay, Jo."
"I know you guys have history but everyone knows you only have eyes for Lover Boy."
"Yes, it's fine."
"Hawthorne has gone back to Two already, so it's over. Are we really fine?"
"Yes," I say honestly, although it makes me feel strange.
"Good," Johanna sighs, "Now tell me if I'm crazy or if I read this well. The magazines say Haymitch married an Avox."
I tell her the whole story and we laugh during a long time. Johanna can't wait to see Lana for herself in a few days. When we hang up I see almost three hours have passed since I last checked on Peeta. I'm done with him for today.
I decide against having dinner and prepare to sleep in my mother's old bedroom. I get out of my clothes, unclasp my bra, get a night gown from the laundry room and change the sheets.
Some minutes after I lie down, Peeta is at the door looking uneasy.
"Katniss? Won't you come to bed?"
"No."
"Oh," he says, "Can I stay here with you?"
"Okay."
I hear the prosthetic leg being released. Peeta's body dips into bed and spoons me slowly. His hands touch me tentatively.
"Sorry for today," he says.
I sigh. My anger is dissipating. But somehow it makes me even angrier that this boy can ignore me for a day and then make me forget everything with his touch and apologies.
Maybe I should just let it go anyway. Today was his family's funeral, after all.
"I love you, Katniss," Peeta says when I don't reply.
"I love you too, Peeta," I say, turning my body to him and kissing his mouth.
Somehow I fall asleep not long after that.