"Did you guys like the surprise?" Johanna asks.
Since I was already out of district Twelve, Jo, Delly and Annie decided to ask President Paylor for a two week permit for Peeta and I to have a honeymoon in district Four. Haymitch and Lana will have their honeymoon too. Or so she tells us.
"Now, there is a problem," Jo says, "My car has five seats only. I was expecting four guests and not five, so one of you guys will have to go home on foot."
Haymitch, Lana, Bligh, Peeta and I, we all look at each other, still confused by the change of plans and now this small problem.
"The girls must come with me, Peeta has a fake leg and Haymitch isn't getting any younger," she adds, and I'm not sure if she's being serious or teasing us, "So we all now who needs to walk."
"Are you saying I'm old?" Haymitch complains.
"You're not young, are you?" she chuckles.
"We can rent a car, Jo," says Peeta, "No one will stay behind."
"Can you drive?" she asks. Peeta gulps; of course we don't. Twelve had one car before the war and it was lost in the bombing.
"I can," Bligh says, "I have my own car back home."
"So it's settled," Haymitch says, "I'll rent a car and the boy will drive us."
Peeta and I take our seats in the back of Johanna's car and wait while Haymitch, Lana and Bligh go to the rent-a-car in front of the station. Then they follow us on the way to Victor's Village. Johanna decides to speed up "just to spice things a little" and the car behind us speeds up too. Peeta and I are scared. Don't they say people usually get hurt in car crashes?
"That boy can drive," Johanna nods in amazement, looking at Bligh through the rear-view mirror, "I thought it was just talk."
"You should be nicer to him," I snap, "He doesn't deserve the way you treat him."
"He's fine, isn't he? He's a grown boy, I don't think he needs anyone to defend him."
"He may look fine now," I say, "But you didn't see how broken he was when he found out you didn't care about him. That was heartless."
My friend stares at me through the mirror.
"It isn't too different from what you did to Lover Boy in the past, is it?"
I don't know why her comment hurts me, but I feel the taste of tears. It makes me unable to respond. No, it's not the same. I was busy trying to survive and keep Peeta alive and we had only shared staged kisses when I told him I was confused. Anyway I would never leave him behind. I know Peeta will tell her that. I've told him all my reasons and he has understood them. He won't let anyone put me down like this.
But Peeta doesn't respond to that. He says something playful to Johanna and the conversation turns lighter as they banter. I feel my heart sink.
I'm suddenly turned off by his response to the situation. He let me down and he let Bligh down too. I'd find it hard to understand him not defending me in any other matter, but the subject in cause is my treatment of him. I'm his wife - I've been a damn good wife - yet his silence makes it seem that I'm not. By remaining silent he's implying he agrees with Johanna. That he thinks Johanna and I are just the same. My lips burn in anger.
I feel something flip in me; I think it's my heart closing itself off to my husband.
Peeta tries to catch my hand but I pretend I haven't seen it.
The Victor's Village in district Four is bigger than ours, but it still looks the same. All houses are abandoned, except for Annie's and the mayor's, who was allowed to move here recently. The mayor is living at the house that used to belong to Finnick. The law that has been approved to give us, victors, the property of our Victor Village's houses was created under President Paylor's rule; Finnick died before the fall of Snow's regime, so his house reverted back to the state.
Once we get into Annie's house, we are received by Delly.
"Annie is breastfeeding Finny," she whispers, almost like the baby is still asleep.
Delly was supposed to go back home on the last train, but unfortunately she was deemed high risk for preeclampsia and district Twelve has no type of healthcare, so she must stay in district Four until she delivers her babies.
"Oh Katniss, can you believe it? I'm going to have twins!" she squeals.
"Congratulations, Delly. Thom has been telling the whole district," I say, and she chuckles.
"I have to take tablets that make my mouth taste like iron and rust," she grimaces, "But it's all for a good cause. By the way, I'm going to have an appointment tomorrow. You and Lana can come with me and get a checkup too, since you don't have that chance back in Twelve."
I can guess what she's trying to do. She's the mastermind behind the initiative to repopulate our district. We are its most prominent couples. Now she's forced to be out for the next six months, but I know she's still working on it from afar: what she really wants to know is if Lana and I are already pregnant.
"Well, not just us," she mumbles, blushing once she realizes I figured her reasons out, "Annie and Johanna must come too."
However, Peeta thinks it's a good idea for me to get all the medical care I possibly can.
Annie finally shows up with Finn and we are overcome by the emotion of seeing the last remnant of Finnick. Everyone hugs Annie in tears and Haymitch introduces her to Lana. The baby stares at us with Finnick's eyes; Annie immediately passes him to Peeta and holds my hand.
"Did you like the surprise, Katniss? We wanted to offer a honeymoon to our two favorite couples, but we had to ask President Paylor to let you be out of Twelve for more days. And then we had to ask her to let the four of you stay at the house in Victor's Village that is reserved for the visiting victors," she says.
I hate surprises, but I admit this one is very nice. I really wanted to meet Finn and see our friends again. Maybe I'll visit my mother as well, although I'm sure she doesn't miss me. And I want to go to the beach and swim.
I just don't know about the honeymoon thing, because the sight of Peeta is making me roll my eyes right now.
"So we won't stay here?" Peeta asks.
"Oh, no," says Annie, "We wanted to give you some privacy. You'll still have to share the house with Haymitch and Lana, but it's better than having the three of us and a baby too."
I smile, "Who is behind all this?"
"Only Annie, Delly and myself, as I told you," Johanna replies immediately, "Your Lover Boy and neighbors knew nothing about it. I'll never forget your faces at the station," she laughs, "You looked so dumb and lost."
I scowl at the comment, but I find it hard not to laugh when I remember the faces of the others. I realize I'm not mad at Johanna for her comment on our way here. She doesn't know how happily we live, Peeta is the one who should know better.
"Hey," Annie says to Bligh, "You can stay here with us. We still have a spare room."
"Yeah," says Jo, "It makes no sense to invade their privacy and be the third wheel."
Bligh blushes as he analyzes the proposition. He eyes all of us, trying to gauge our opinions.
"No," he finally shakes his head, making his red curls bounce in a funny way, "I don't want to stay here. If it's inconvenient to you I'd rather go to a hotel. I mean no offense to you, Mrs. Odair," he adds quickly.
"None taken. And it's Annie to you."
"Unless you want to go to a hotel, you'll be sharing the house with us," says Haymitch, definitely ending the discussion.
Annie decides to show us the swimming pool in her backyard. She says Lana and I can use her swimsuits because she has many. Johanna doesn't need them because she never goes to the backyard. The guys can use Finnick's trunks too, if they are okay with it.
"Cressida is coming today," Delly announces, "She and Pollux are also on their honeymoon and they really want to make the propos.
"Cressida and Pollux?" Peeta asks in shock, "They got married?"
"Yes," says Delly, "They only had each other after the war. They say no one else could understand them."
"I never would have thought -" Peeta and I say at the same time. He grins because of it, but I don't.
"They are curious to meet Lana and Haymitch. They have never heard of another Avox marrying a non-Avox," Delly adds, unaware of our exchange.
"It makes me happy," I say, wiping a stubborn tear, "They were with us when –"
When the Star Squad went to the Capitol and almost everyone died. When Finnick died. But I shut up because I don't want Annie to hear it. She guesses what I was going to say and smiles sadly at me.
"I heard you were the only one who saw Finnick die. No one could ever give me the details," she says, barely whispering. She pauses to think a little before posing the question, "Did he suffer?"
I ponder on how to respond to Annie. She looks so sweet and fragile, her moments of madness almost inexistent now. Motherhood suits her well and seems to keep her on the track. Finnick once told me she started suffering from mental instability during her Games, from the moment her district partner had his head chopped off in front of her. What good will it bring for her to know that the love of her life died in that same way?
"No," I lie, "We were being followed by lizard mutts, and when the mutts surrounded Finnick I threw him a nightlock. I saw him swallow it and die before they could harm him. Finnick's death was instant and painless."
Annie sighs and nods. Although her face is filled with sadness, I can see relief too. "Thank you, Katniss. It means a lot to me to know he wasn't hurt or tortured," Then she hugs her baby, "Your daddy was okay, Finny."
Peeta knows I lied to Annie, because he asked me the same question once and I was truthful when I answered it. It's my biggest trauma after Prim's death and we've discussed it at length numerous times. But he shows me his absolute approval with a kiss on my forehead.
The two newlywed couples – Haymitch and Lana, Peeta and I - along with Bligh and Delly, meet Cressida and Pollux at the beach in the afternoon. After a stoic first reunion of the survivors of the Star Squad – only Gale isn't here – we start shooting the videos. Delly directs us on what she wants us to say and do, so we talk, kiss, hug, and after two hours it's over.
They leave with Delly, saying they still want to film Annie and Jo, who stayed at home with the baby.
"I look ridiculous in this," Haymitch says, eyeing the trunks he's wearing, "This is a new low for me."
Lana beats his chest playfully. "Very wrong," Bligh says at her request.
I still feel detached from Peeta. My heart beats fast whenever he touches me, but I'm hurt and feel lonely. I don't want to be with him right now, but it doesn't seem that I have anywhere else to go.
I'm snappy too. When people come to ask for autographs, I tell them no. I don't care. I still find the energy, however, to apply a plastic cover that Johanna has bought on Peeta's leg, so that he can swim.
The five of us go to the water. Bligh decides it's a good idea to swim alone; Haymitch is afraid and doesn't let the water pass above his hips, while Lana swims around her husband and usually comes to hug him in the waist. Peeta, who still can't swim, is braver than our mentor and allows himself to go further, but when he tries to intertwine our hands I flinch and decide to swim where my feet can't reach the bottom. Where Peeta can't go.
Swimming far away from him, I can see the confusion and hurt settling on his eyes for some minutes until he leaves the water. I can feel my heart break at the sight, and I'm very sorry for him, but I can't forget the way he let Johanna talk to me about him while he pretended he was not there. And how he bantered after that, as if my feelings are an afterthought.
Unwilling to go after Peeta I approach Bligh, who is actually a very good swimmer. His presence is benign because he rarely feels the need to talk and I'm in no mood to think about things to say. Bligh dares me to dive to the seafloor with him and see what's there. I realize that, for each three times I rise to the surface to breathe, he only rises one. His apnea is very good.
"How come you can spend so much time without breathing?" I ask him when we meet at the surface.
"I'm from district Two," he shrugs, "I actually trained at the Careers Academy. We had a swimming pool."
"What?" I yell. This is new.
"My father wanted me to be there. But I hated it. I suck at everything physical except for swimming and diving," he chuckles, "It was a hard childhood."
We dive again. To our surprise we see Lana next to us, making some gestures to Bligh. I guess it's a joke, because Bligh cracks up, but since we are underwater he can't translate it to me. She isn't able to dive as deep as we do, but she swims incredibly well regardless.
"You're a good swimmer," Bligh observes, looking at his boss.
She nods with a grin. Looking back I can see Haymitch sitting with Peeta at the beach. I hope they are not talking about me. I hate it when they do.
"I still didn't get a chance to ask," I say, turning to Haymitch's wife, "Do you want me to call you Lana or Milana?"
Lana grins. It's obvious she appreciates my concern.
"Lana Abernathy is my name," Bligh translates her, "You wouldn't have liked Milana and I don't like her either," That she talks of her past self in the third person says a lot.
She goes away to meet Haymitch and we swim a little bit more. After Bligh takes one last dive, he emerges with a bracelet.
"Isn't this beautiful?" he asks, "I found it hidden in a rock."
We take a look at it. It's a golden bracelet with the inscription: FOR ALL TIME.
"It must be from before the Dark Ages," Bligh says, "They don't use these fonts anymore."
"It's so beautiful," I say, "Will you give it to someone?"
"Yes," he says, "To the girl I decide to marry."
I find it sweet and think maybe Johanna can still get things right with him. After this we swim back to the shore, where we join Peeta, Lana and Haymitch.
"Shouldn't you be on your honeymoon, sweetheart?" Haymitch asks me when we approach.
"I am," I reply.
"So why did you leave the boy alone as soon as the interview ended?"
"Haymitch –" Peeta starts.
"Am I not allowed to swim just because he can't swim?" I ask, exasperated, although I know Haymitch has caught me, "Does marriage mean my life is over?"
Peeta winces and Bligh actually tells Haymitch to shut up and mind his own business, although he's just translating Lana.
To avoid a clash, Peeta and I go to the bar to get beverages for all. People look at us, but most of them don't say anything.
"Aren't you Peeta Mellark?" a guy asks.
"Yeah," Peeta replies.
"Didn't I tell you? I said it was him when I saw that freaky leg –" the guy says to another.
"You! You shut up about the leg," I say, pointing my index finger to him, and the guys apologize.
Peeta gently traces his fingers on my hand after that.
"Thank you for standing up for me," he says softly when we lie down on the beach chairs, holding fancy non-alcoholic drinks.
"You don't deserve it, but still," I murmur. If he hears it, he doesn't reply.
We go home not long after that, have a light dinner and go to our rooms. As usual, Peeta is already in bed when I get out of the bathroom.
"I called home earlier and Hazelle was there," he says when I dip into bed, "She's going to take care of the cats."
"Good," I say.
"Katniss, can you look at me?" he asks.
"Yeah," I reply dryly.
"Then why don't you?"
"What?" I ask.
"You haven't looked at me the whole day and you aren't looking at me now," Peeta states, apprehensive, "What's going on?"
"I need time to think before I speak," I say.
"Katniss, you're scaring me."
"I don't understand why. There's no need to be scared," I reply.
"So can you at least look at me for a second?"
I try to look at him, but fail.
"Can't you just go to sleep?" I ask.
"I don't think I can sleep," he replies, sounding panicky. I can't help him.
"Then sleep," I reply dumbly.
On the next afternoon, all girls – and Bligh as the interpreter - follow Delly to her ultrasound. A room has been reserved for our group only. A patient may usually bring a companion, but we are not usual patients: we are three victors, the wife of a victor and a mayor's wife.
Dr. Hendricks comes into the room and greets the whole party, presenting himself as Delly's obstetrician. Then he looks at me specifically and looks positively shocked.
"Katniss! What are you doing here?" he asks with a big grin.
"I… Uh… I'm on honeymoon," I say, starting to get scared by all the special attention this man seems to pay me every time we meet.
"I thought you had to always stay in district Twelve," he observes, preparing his work.
"My friends got me a special permit to be here for two weeks."
"I see," he says.
The doctor explains every single image we see and with his help we can actually identify the babies.
"Can you see their gender?" Delly asks Dr. Hendricks.
"It's still early to be sure, but I think we'll know it in the next month," he grins, "At least we know they are fine."
When the ultrasound ends, the doctor weighs Delly, checks her blood pressure and renews her prescription of medicines. He's kind enough to offer each of us a photograph of the twins. When he leaves, I follow him.
"Dr. Hendricks," I call.
"Yes, Katniss?"
"I think my mother works at this hospital. She's nurse Everdeen. Is there a chance she's working today or you can find her address?"
The doctor seems to ponder my question for a minute. Then I realize I must have just asked for something extremely unprofessional of him.
"Okay, I'll get the address for you. Wait here."
When I meet the girls again, with my mother's address in my pocket, I find out all of them have decided to do their own checkup. I'm sure this is Delly's doing, because she wants Lana and I to be examined for the Initiative. Somehow she convinced Annie and Jo to take part in it too, so that we don't refuse.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not doing anything with a guy here," Jo says, pointing to Bligh.
"Oh, no, everything will be private," a nurse says, "You'll be called one by one."
"What will you do to us?" I ask.
"A doctor will talk to you about your cycle, your history, perform some exams and I'll draw some blood from you."
"Blood?" I flinch, "What for?"
"Delly is dying to know if you're expecting," Jo cracks up.
"I know for a fact I'm not pregnant," I say.
"I can't be pregnant either," Bligh says at Lana's request, "I took a six month contraceptive shot at the Capitol right before I got married."
Lana grins, shameless, and Delly looks dismayed.
"I didn't know if I would like Haymitch, so this way I didn't risk a pregnancy," Bligh adds for Lana.
"It can't hurt to make sure, can it?" Delly asks, unwilling to accept defeat.
I'm the first to go. After I have my blood drawn I watch as the nurse deposits it into a machine that shows the automatic results. She brags it can detect a pregnancy just twenty four hours after the conception.
"Everything is all right with you and you're not pregnant," she says, "You can move on to the doctor's office now."
The doctor is a young woman who appears to be about ten years my senior. She weighs me and checks my blood pressure.
"So, Katniss. Are you planning on having children?" she asks.
"I don't think so," I say.
"What kind of birth control do you use?"
"Condoms are the only thing we have in district Twelve," I reply, mortified, "By the way, my friend Lana Abernathy says she took a six month shot or something. I'd like to have something like that."
The doctor explains the several methods of contraception available, from implants to intra uterine devices. In the end, I pick the injectable method. The doctor thinks it's safer for me to try the 3 month shot first, in case I experience some side effects, but I know better and take an one year shot.
I don't know how the other appointments go, but I leave the doctor's office after some awkward talk, an uncomfortable pap smear, an ultrasound that ensures my womb is good enough to produce offspring and the blood test results that show I'm in fact not pregnant.
We receive our friends for dinner.
Delly shows her babies' pictures enthusiastically to Haymitch and Peeta and talks about our ordeal this afternoon, making it seem very pleasant. Then she gets sleepy and is the first to leave.
"I think it's actually a good idea," Peeta reinforces, "The five of us should be checked up for everything before we go back home. We can't afford to have health scares back in Twelve."
I put my hand on his and rub his fingers. His practicality and concern for us is amazing. I agree. I want him to be checked and make sure he's all right. But I'm fearful of what we'll find. I'm afraid for his heart, for all the times it has stopped before. His heart can't stop again. He must live for at least as long as I do.
Peeta looks pleasantly surprised at the touch of my hand and gives me a stunning smile. His fingers intertwine with mine and he squeezes my hand. I wince internally, the dread and disappointment coming back, but I manage to keep my hand in place to avoid embarrassing him in front of our friends.
When he lets go of me I hang around with Annie and Jo for a while. Soon they decide to go home and discreetly ask Peeta and I to go to their house. "Only the two of you," Annie whispers, holding a sleepy Finn in her arms.
Peeta offers me his hand, I take it and we follow the two of them to Annie's porch, where Jo turns to us.
"Silence," she says, "Let's not get inside. I don't want Delly to hear what I have to say."
Saying this, she lets out what sounds like a sob, but she can as well be sneezing.
"What's going on?" Peeta asks, alarmed. I don't know why, but her tone of voice also scares me.
Johanna's eyes meet Annie's and Finn's mother nods in encouragement.
"You know… The tests we've done today?" Jo asks.
"Yes?" I say.
Johanna opens her mouth to speak, but before she utters a word she purses her lips and shakes her head. She starts pacing around and hyperventilating. Then she gives up and Finny's mother decides to speak.
"She's pregnant," Annie says.