It's been three days, fourteen hours, and twenty-six minutes.
Some might say half a week, maybe just round up to four days.
Liam counted.
Three days. Fourteen hours. Twenty-six minutes.
He kissed a boy.
A man.
A criminal.
That was the reality. Brett wasn't just a man, but a criminal. Not only that, but he had been charged with sexual assault. How was it possible for Liam to be this stupid?
Ring*
Liam looked at his phone. Theo.
He'd been calling Liam for the past few days, but Liam couldn't bring himself to answer. He wouldn't be able to lie to him. He still had these feelings, and now... Liam was scum. He betrayed Theo, in a way. Theo had protected Liam from Brett's overly-sexual, brazen advances. Now. Liam was allowing it and basically showing that he didn't care what had happened to Theo.
He did, though.
He didn't want Brett.
He liked talking to him sometimes, even if he could be a dick.
He didn't want him.
Not like he wanted Theo.
So...
It's been three days.
Fourteen hours.
Twenty-six minutes.
Liam hasn't just been avoiding Theo.
He'd been avoiding Mason.
Mason has been calling and texting and asking why he lied, because of course he found out Theo wasn't giving him a ride home. Theo was working at the bar with Corey that night. How did Mason find out? Well because Mason would end up visiting Corey at work and seeing Theo there and asking him about it.
Why would you lie? You're allowed to have other friends! Is it a girl? Is it a guy? Just text me back! Let me know you're safe!
Mason's texts rang through Liam's head on loop like an after school special.
You know.
The ones that tell you not to talk to strangers- by making the lead get into a van with a stranger.
That's the flaw with those shows.
They never show the realistic decisions you'll have to make.
They never show you that even as an adult, you'll still question your friends.
They never show that you could fall in love with your same-sex friend when you always thought you were straight.
They don't portray adults as vulnerable and fragile and equally susceptible to being tricked into a stranger's van.
They don't even show that they stranger may not even be a stranger at all.
They don't show that you are the most likely to get screwed over by your own friends and even as an adult, you can be such a child.
Liam hadn't been at work since that night. He had 2 days off and he called out the third day. The forth day, he didn't have a choice. He had to have a paycheck. He was going to go in, like it or not. This night, he was busier than usual. It was perfect. It took his mind off how his phone was going off, he could avoid everyone, even Brett. He'd been successfully avoiding Brett for three days. Three days, fourteen hours, and twenty-six minutes.
However.
Twenty-seven minutes.
A figure approaches.
A slender figure.
Brunette.
Slightly taller than Liam.
Pale.
Corey.
"Hey Buddy!" Corey said with a genuinely fake smile, as if he cared, but also as if he was being forced into doing this.
"Mason put you up to this."
"Mas-? WHAT?! How could you even-" Corey looked at Liam and Liam was clearly not even close to buying it. "Fine. But I am concerned. And so is Theo. Why did you lie dude?"
"Look I don't-"
"Whatever it is, you should at least tell Mason. That's your best friend. Theo believes you have a good reason and thinks it's not anyone's business, but I can tell he's worried. Probably even more than Mas-"
"I doubt that. He's been too busy to worry."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Don't worry about it. Just tell Mase... I don't know. Tell him I've been dealing with stuff and I needed to do it by myself."
"You know it would be more believable coming from you."
"Well. Believe it or don't. It's the truth. And I'm still dealing."
Corey looked at Liam as if to ask more, but Liam looked at Corey in a dare, as in 'I dare you to ask' and Corey just conceded. He told Liam that he'd let Mason know he was alive and he took his leave.
"Damn. That was kinda harsh."
"Can you just... not right now?" Liam rolled his eyes. Stupid Brett. "This is your fault, by the way."
Brett looked at Liam, questioning. " My fault? Excuse me, but I don't think I'm the one who disconnected you from the world. That was all you, dear."
"You know what I mean."
"I'm afraid I don't."
Liam looked at Brett, eyes full of anger and hatred at the memory of their kiss.
"You kissed me and-"
"I'm sorry? I kissed you? I believe it was mutual" Brett looked at Liam with a raised eyebrow, challenging him.
"Whatever. Now, I'm all fucked up!"
"Oh? Because you kissed a guy?" Brett moved in, eyebrow still raised, but now squinting, face hardening, jaw clenching as he spat out, "Or because you kissed me?"
Liam swallowed hard. He looked in Brett's eyes for only a second, then he looked away. They both knew the answer. Otherwise Brett wouldn't be asking.
Brett looked at Liam. For a second, he looked hurt, then, "hmm. I figured as much." He started to walk away, but Liam stopped him, grabbing his arm.
"What do you want?" Brett asked, without so much as glancing in Liam's direction.
Liam thought about it...
What did he want?
Why did he care about Brett's feelings? He was a dirt bag.
I don't know...
"What do you want me to say?... I feel guilty. Not because of Theo... but because of you... I know what you did and I-... It's not ok..."
Brett turned to look at Liam. He shook his head. He probably didn't believe him about Theo. Whatever. It was partly about Theo, but if anyone did that to Mason... Liam's IED would get the best of him...
This meant something.
It meant something bad.
It meant that Liam liked Brett enough to trust him. At least on some level.
They both stood there quietly. There was a dull roar in the background; noises from the other hotel guests. Liam couldn't tell you how many minutes they stood there, tension never wavering, neither of them moving.
There was a lot of things being said between them, yet neither of them actually speaking. Somehow they seemed to both understand what Liam meant, and yet how it made Brett feel, but also that it wasn't personal, and still seemed extremely pointed.
Brett was the first one to speak.
"I know. It's not. I don't at all want you to feel pressured or manipulated."
"I don't feel-"
"No. Liam. Let me finish."
Liam looked at Brett, slightly surprised.
"I want you."
"You've made that clear-"
"Liam. I'm willing to wait. Even if I have to wait until you get this whole thing with Theo out of your system. If you need to get him into your system first... then I can wait."
Liam was now in complete shock. He didn't want to hear this. He wasn't really prepared. I'm gonna be sick.
Liam was pacing the hotel front desk until he finally decided to go to the staff restrooms. He opened the stall and as soon as he did, everything he'd been holding onto, everything that he'd been hiding from, everything that he'd been willing away... everything came full-force from the pit of his stomach, and then some. It was as if everything that he'd ever consumed or that anyone in his life has ever consumed, all came rushing to the surface and almost didn't make the toilet. This was the most sick that he's ever felt in his entire life.
Vomit flooded out of him like a violent waterfall of the single meals he's been eating to keep him alive the past week. He didn't have much until it would only be the stomach acid filling the bowl, yet it was so much more than it should be. It was hard to hold back everything on an empty stomach, but he was trying.
How dare Brett actually say these things to him?
By the time Liam got out of the bathroom, Brett was gone. Good, he thought. Maybe he'll leave me alone for the rest of my shift.
Ask and ye shall receive.
Not only did Brett leave Liam alone for the rest of the shift that night, but he also left him alone for the following two nights.
Liam started to feel a little suspicious and also a little guilty.
Why? Why all the guilt?! I didn't even do anything! To ANYONE!
Liam's inner monologue was becoming to sound more and more like someone else. Where he was normally self-depreciating, it was now becoming more on the lines of empowering. He knew before that he didn't have to feel these things about himself that he normally does, and he had friends and family that supported him... but having people that were more- hardened? People like Corey... well... he was quiet but Liam wouldn't cross him.
People like Malia... Liam knew she would never think the bad things about herself. She was so confident it radiated.
People like Theo... and Brett...
Actual criminals...
People who did crimes and could still live in the world like it never happened.
Yet...
Never claimed to be innocent. Never truly believed their crimes were washed away with each day or good deed.
People like that.
Liam looked up to them all in a way.
This made Liam feel like he could survive and take more control over his IED and his intrusive
thoughts.
Even if he still hasn't talked to anyone yet...
Liam was getting ready to get off his shift when Brett finally discovered him and made his way over to where he was making his exit.
"Hey. Liam. Can we talk?"
"Never said we couldn't."
"Don't be short with me. Can we please have a conversation? Without all of your... witty jokes..."
Liam was a little irritated, but he still listened.
"Let me take you home. We can talk on the way."
"Sure."
They sat in silence for the first few minutes, as per usual, until Liam got irritated.
"What was so important?"
"Look. I'm trying. I just don't know how to say it."
"Just say it."
Brett looked over at Liam, his face riddled with worry, which made Liam a little worried.
"Look. I'm sorry for what I said. I was out of line."
"Oh my god is that-"
"No. That's not all... I was out of line for kissing you, knowing you're confused-"
"I'm not though!..." Liam shouted and then lowered his voice when he saw the look on Brett's face. "Confused... I'm just... coping?"
"Coping? It's hardly a funeral. It was a kiss-"
"Isn't it though? It's basically an official funeral, sealed with a kiss, to the person I thought I was. Now, I have to deal with the fact that for twenty-one years, I didn't know who I was. Honestly, I'm not even sure if my friends or family did or if they just flat out didn't care enough to say anything like 'hey we think you might be at least a little bit gay'. I don't even know how far this is! I don't know if it's just-" Liam stopped himself from saying anything too incriminating. He could finally admit somewhat to being attracted to Theo, but... He couldn't admit to thinking that about Brett...
"I don't know if I'm gay or bisexual or curious or what... all I know is that the first guy I have these thoughts for... he's not in a situation where he can have a relationship... at least not with me..."
Brett glanced at Liam, eyes full of compassion. He then took Liam's hand into his own and squeezed it, voice low and sweet as he says, "his loss" as he proceeded to kiss Liam's hand.
Liam's face was hot. He felt like his heart had skipped a beat. How was it that Brett could be so annoying one minute but yet the next he was completely intoxicating?
Liam just looked from his hand to Brett the rest of the way to Liam's house.
When the car stopped, Liam felt himself not wanting to get out. Not wanting to go inside.
Not wanting to be alone...
"You ok?"
"Yeah... just..." Liam couldn't say he was lonely. He was dealing with stuff and wanted to do it by himself. He was alone, but not really lonely. He knew if he needed anyone at any given moment, they'd come rushing to his aid.
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
They just sat. Liam staring at the door and Brett staring at Liam.
"You do know that this is your home. Is it not?" Brett asked as he looked at the address.
"It is."
"Ok? Then-"
"Come inside."
Brett was shocked. At least that was the look on his face. For all Liam knew, it was some sort of ploy and he was falling right into it. Right now Liam didn't care.
"Are you sure? Have you been drinking? Is this a trap?"
"Yes, no and maybe."
"Those are the three options," Brett laughed. "Seriously though. Don't do this out of pity or guilt or spite..."
"I'm not. I just-" Liam was gonna say it. Who would judge him? "I just wanna be alone with someone who isn't gonna make me feel lonely."
They went in, of course, because how else did we get here?
How did we get to his tragedy that seemed to always unfold where Liam was concerned?
One minute they were talking on the bed.
Laughing.
Carrying on about the horrible movie choice they made and the fact that Liam should definitely get a couch because one day someone might 'get the wrong idea'...
The next minute they were kissing...
It was awkward at first. Liam didn't know the mechanics of kissing a guy, but it wasn't really that different from kissing a girl.
Eventually they started to get a rhythm. They started even getting more passionate and melting into each other.
Shirts coming off.
They were lost in their own desire.
They didn't even notice the car pull up.
They didn't even notice the doorbell.
They did, however, notice the scream.
"WHAT the FUCK?!"
The two broke apart and Liam looked overwhelmed with guilt and shame as he practically shoved Brett off of him, as if Liam had been caught cheating.
"Theo! No! It's not-"
"Oh calm down. He's just experimenting, Theo. You still have your claim."
Liam and Theo both looked over at Brett who remained as cool and calm as ever.
Liam however was gaping at Brett and trying to defend himself. "What the fu- No! It-"
"Liam... I trusted you..."
"Hey wait no he didn't even do anything wro- HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN HERE?!"
"I gave him a key..." Liam was phased out, voice filled with sorrow and eyes filled with tears.
Brett looked between Theo and Liam and laughed.
"You know what? Maybe I should leave. You two clearly have issues" he laughed again.
"Maybe you should" Theo hissed.
With that Brett took his leave, not before a smirk and a wink for Liam.
Theo looked at Liam, this time very calm, but still very obviously hurt.
"Theo this wasn't-"
"Liam. You're more than welcome to befriend or date whoever you want. I will never judge you... but if you're gonna be in his life... then I can't be in yours..."
Chapter End Notes