A/N: the lullaby is from Poems of Childhood (1904), by Eugene Field
After Heather left, Astrid sank to the floor, buried her head in her arms and just let it all out. Between Fishlegs slowly dying and Heather leaving her, Astrid wasn't sure how much worse this day could get. Her sobs racked her body, tears ran down her face like a wide river, and snot smeared on her arms. Stormfly came in and settled beside Astrid, tucking her under her wing.
"Thanks girl," Astrid murmured. The pair stayed like that for some time but eventually Astrid had cried herself out. Stretching, she got to her feet and threw her arms around Stormfly.
"I don't know what I'd do without you girl," Astrid cooed. Stormfly nuzzled her head and Astrid laughed weakly.
"Come on Stormfly, let's go see Hiccup!"
The viking in question had finally stopped pacing and was trying to distract himself by looking for new information on the Dragon Eye lenses. Anything to take his mind off of Astrid and Fishlegs. Unfortunately, Hiccup and his friends had already looked through the lenses hundreds of times so there was nothing new to distract himself with (plus if he'd found anything, it's not like he could go and geek out with Fishlegs anyway). Just as Hiccup was about to throw his pencil down in frustration, there was a light knock at his door.
"Come in," Hiccup called out, even though he'd much rather be alone at this point. There was a sound of the door opening and then footsteps on the stairs. A moment later Astrid was poking her head into Hiccup's room.
"Mind if I join you?"
"Not at all - Astrid have you been… crying?" Gods, what a stupid question, Hiccup chastised himself. Of course Astrid would be crying! Their best friend was dying for Thor's sake!
"Yeah… it's been a rough day," Astrid remarked, trying to keep her voice casual.
"I know… Fishlegs…." Hiccup mumbled, dropping his gaze to the floor.
"Not just that… Heather's gone," Astrid said as she sat down on the edge of Hiccup's bed. At her words both Hiccup and Toothless looked at her in surprise.
"Wait… what do you mean Heather's gone?! Like gone as in gone for a short flight or gone as in she's ...gone," Hiccup asked. Astrid simply stared at him.
"Of course, she's Heather! She's not the type to take a short flight to cool off," Hiccup sighed. Great. Now the Edge was down two good defenders. Just perfect.
"Yep, she's gone for good," Astrid agreed, wiping away a couple of fresh tears.
"Soo…." Hiccup stared down at his twiddling thumbs. It was now or never.
"Yeah?" Astrid looked up curiously.
"What does… that mean for… you and Heather," Hiccup finished lamely.
"She broke up with me," Astrid answered, not wanting to say much else. If she started going into the details… yeah not good. Plus she hadn't fully processed it yet herself and trying to talk through it with Hiccup just seemed a little weird, though Astrid couldn't place her finger on why she felt that way.
"Oh Astrid… I am so so sorry," Hiccup murmured as he moved to sit down next to Astrid on his bed.
"Don't be. Not every relationship can withstand someone's deranged brother trying to kill one of your best friends and his dragon."
"That's true but it's still awful. Fishlegs and Heather in one day." Hiccup started to reach out to put his arm around Astrid's shoulder but then pulled back. Something about the movement just seemed a little too cheesy and he didn't want her to take the gesture the wrong way.
"Yeah, I'm trying not to think about either one of them right now," Astrid chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood, though there was no humor to be found in the situation.
"What do you say we take a flight around the island for old times sake? We can check in on Fishlegs later," Hiccup suggested.
"Is anyone with him?"
"You and I both know that Snotlout won't leave his side for a minute," Hiccup laughed.
"That is very true," Astrid replied.
"Well how about it?"
"A flight sounds like the perfect distraction," Astrid admitted.
"Good," Hiccup said.
Meanwhile Snotlout was still in his hut, sitting next to Fishlegs and holding his hand. After a bit, Snotlout glanced around the room before dropping his love's hand, getting out of his chair, and climbing into bed next to Fishlegs. Tenderly propping Fishlegs up into a halfway sitting position, Snotlout scooted himself under Fishlegs, spread his legs, and then softly laid Fishlegs back down so that his torso was sandwiched between Snotlout's legs and his head lay peacefully on Snotlout's lap. Stroking Fishlegs's hair, Snotlout settled back against his bed and tried not to cry for what felt like the millionth time that day.
"Please wake up Fishlegs. Please. I need you." Of course there was no answer, just the steady rise and fall of Fishlegs's chest.
Staring into his hands, Snotlout watched the shadows on the wall grow longer and longer until it was almost dark. Yesterday had been the worst day of his life until now. The pain of watching Fishlegs and Meatlug get taken down by a boulder just as they were about to escape to freedom and then having Gothi give the diagnosis that Fishlegs most likely wouldn't make it was heart shattering. However the village healer had said that Fishlegs might not make it, which still left a sliver of hope that he would come through this alive. Unfortunately, that's the thing about a sliver of hope. As docile as it seems, hope is but a raging beast growing to devour you from the inside out. All throughout the next day Snotlout had been clinging to the hope that Fishlegs would give some sign of coming out of his coma and yet… the day passed on without a change. His eyes were still closed, his lips were cracked from a lack of water, and it would seem to the world at a passing glance that Fishlegs Justin Ingerman had gone to join the great warriors of Valhalla.
Biting back a sob, Snotlout tried to steady his breathing. There was still time. Gothi had said that if Fishlegs had not woken in three days' time, he would be well… you know. However, it had been just past sunset when Fishlegs had been hit with the boulder. In a little bit, it would be exactly one day since the accident… which meant that there were two more days for Fishlegs to wake up! A brief smile flashed across Snotlout's face as he sat there, lost in the thought of having his Fishlegs finally come back to him. First his eyes would open slowly, then his mouth would form into that sleepy little smile that Snotlout secretly loved, and finally Fishlegs would whisper Snotlout's name and the two would lean in and then their lips would fall perfectly on each other's and…
"Hey Snotlout, we brought you some dinner," Hiccup announced as he and Tuffnut let themselves into the hut.
"Thank you," Snotlout whispered hoarsely as he came crashing back to reality.
"Snotlout, have you even moved," Hiccup asked, though he was pretty sure he already knew what his cousin would say. Snotlout dropped his gaze and refused to answer.
"Woah, you mean you've been sitting in that position all day," Tuffnut gasped in shock as he gestured to Fishlegs laying between Snotlout's legs with his head on the shorter viking's lap.
"And most of the night," Snotlout yawned.
"Snotlout, have you even slept?" Hiccup gave his cousin an even stare.
"Hiccup…" Snotlout whined.
"Snotlout." Hiccup's tone was firm, not unlike his father's when he had to reprimand a villager.
"Fine. I haven't slept, drank, eaten, or even moved since Gothi left" Snotlout snapped.
"Get up Snotlout. Leave Fishlegs and go get some rest. Tuffnut and I will watch him," Hiccup ordered.
"Hiccup. This is my hut, or have you forgotten," Snotlout responded testily.
"Fine. You can stay here but for the love of Thor, Snotlout, you need to get some sleep," Hiccup compromised.
"I'm staying in this bed…. Right next to Fishlegs…" Snotlout yawned as he rubbed at his eyes. Slowly he peeled himself off of the bed, taking extra care to lay Fishlegs back down in a comfortable position.
"Now eat your dinner and drink some water before you go to bed," Hiccup commanded.
"Alright mom." Snotlout half-heartedly rolled his eyes.
A few minutes later Snotlout had eaten the lamb chops his friends had brough and had downed the pitcher of water as well. Momentarily stepping outside to relieve himself, Snotlout sent a silent thanks to Thor for having such great friends. One day, when this was all over, he'd tell them that but right now all of his energy was focused on Fishlegs. Speaking of… Snotlout returned to his hut where Hiccup and Tuffnut were watching over their comatose friend.
"Thanks guys… I really mean it," Snotlout yawned as he crawled into bed next to Fishlegs.
"Ewww, we're going to watch them sleep together?!" Tuffnut sounded slightly disturbed but Hiccup just rolled his eyes.
"Tuffnut, nothing is going to happen. Fishlegs is in a coma, remember?"
"Oh yeah, I suppose that's true. Okay, goodnight Fishlegs and Snotlout," Tuffnut called out before pulling Snotlout's spare pillow towards him and promptly falling asleep.
"Guess I'm taking the first watch," Hiccup chuckled to himself.
Hours later, Hiccup had just started to doze off when there was a loud banging on the door. At once the leader of the dragon riders leapt to his feet and pulled the door open to reveal Astrid and Ruffnut standing in the entrance.
"Guys… what in the name of the gods is going on," Hiccup mumbled drowsily.
"I couldn't find Tuffnut! I kept waiting for him to come back to our hut but he never did," Ruffnut wailed.
"And let me guess, she woke you up to help her look for her brother," Hiccup asked Astrid, ignoring Ruffnut.
"Yep," Astrid grumbled.
"Hiccup, where's my - oh hey Tuff!"
"Yo H, what's all the commotion about," Tuffnut wondered as he came to the door.
"Ruffnut was looking for you. I guess you forgot to tell her that you were helping me watch Fishlegs and Snotlout," Hiccup explained.
"Watching Fishlegs and Snotlout," Astrid questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah… When Tuff and I came in to bring Snotlout some dinner, we found out that he hadn't moved from Fishlegs's side in almost twenty-four hours," Hiccup scratched his head awkwardly, unsure of what else to say.
"Or eaten, or slept, or gone to the bathroom," Tuffnut added.
"So the two of you forced him to eat something, drink some water, and get some sleep," Astrid guessed.
"Yeah. He really needed it. Anyway Tuff and I should get back to watching over them."
"Ruffnut and I will join you," Astrid offered.
"Really? We will?" Ruffnut looked a little surprised.
"Yeah sure! It'll be like a sleepover," Astrid said with a bit of forced cheer.
"Sounds good to me," Ruffnut said before pushing past everyone at the door and leading her brother to a corner of Snotlout's hut where they both laid down and promptly fell asleep.
"Well then I guess it's just you and me," Astrid whispered as she stepped into the hut and closed the door behind her.
"I guess it is," Hiccup agreed as he followed her to the dining table where they could easily keep an eye on Snotlout and Fishlegs without feeling like they were intruding upon the pair.
"Hiccup you look exhausted. I got a few winks of sleep; let me take the next watch," Astrid offered.
"Okay," Hiccup mumbled before laying his head on the table and letting the waves of sleep wash over him.
Hours later Hiccup woke to Toothless nudging him rather insistently. For a moment Hiccup stared around with wide eyes as he tried to figure out why he was slumped over at Snotlout's dining room table of all places but then the memories of last night came rushing back.
"He was sitting outside the door this morning when I went to go feed Stormfly and he looked pretty concerned," Astrid explained.
"Thanks bud, but I'm okay," Hiccup cooed to Toothless. The Night Fury looked from Hiccup to Fishlegs and whined softly.
"He knows Fishlegs is dying," Astrid observed.
"We don't know that for certain!"
"Hiccup, it's been a day and a half and Fishlegs still hasn't woken up. His time is running out," Astrid said. Hiccup stared at her, unable to say anything.
"Look, just… be prepared for the worst, okay? I'm going to go check on Meatlug and then take a quick patrol of the island."
Watching Astrid walk away, Hiccup knew that she was right. At this rate it looked even more like Fishlegs wouldn't make it. Pushing himself off of the table, Hiccup peeked over at the bed where Snotlout was still curled around Fishlegs. Guessing that his cousin would still be asleep for a while, Hiccup padded over to Tuffnut and poked him awake.
"Tuff, I need you to watch Fishlegs for a little bit. Toothless and I are heading out to round up some breakfast for everyone but we'll be back soon. Go find Astrid if anything changes."
Tuffnut nodded sleepily and Hiccup left the hut with Toothless. Sure, Tuff would probably fall back asleep within seconds but it seemed unlikely that anything in Fishlegs's condition would change. As Hiccup and Toothless flew over the Edge, they spotted Astrid emerging from the stables. When she saw Toothless and Hiccup soaring overhead, she flashed them a thumbs up.
"Well it looks like Meatlug is okay at least! Thank Thor for that!"
Roughly half an hour later, Hiccup and Toothless returned to the clubhouse with a basket full of fresh fish. With a small plasma blast, Toothless got the fire going and Hiccup started roasting their breakfast.
"Someone's been busy," Astrid noted as she and Stormfly stood in the doorway.
"Well with the twins passed out and Snotlout being preoccupied, I figured that someone needed to make breakfast for us all," Hiccup replied, stoking the fire.
"I see. And Hiccup, I'm sorry about what I said earlier… about the possibility of Fishlegs not pulling through." Astrid rubbed the end of her braid beyween her fingers.
"No, you're right. We - I need to accept the possibility that he might not pull through," Hiccup said quietly.
"I -" Astrid began.
"Astrid, I know that you want him to wake up as much as I do but you're right. He might not. In the meantime, we need to take the best care of him and Snotlout that we can." Hiccup flipped the fish over.
"Yeah, this whole thing has been pretty hard on Snotlout," Astrid agreed as she joined Hiccup at the fire.
For a while the two friends said nothing as they stood side by side, watching the flames and lost in their own thoughts. For Astrid, she wondered how the group would fare without their most knowledgeable member when it came to dragons. Not to mention the emotional impact that Fishlegs's loss would have on the group. Beside her, Hiccup's mind was already racing back towards Berk and then back out to see where he knew Dagur and Viggo were waiting. How would it look for Hiccup as the future chief if he got one of his best friends killed while they were all living together away from Berk? Who would trust him to lead the village when he couldn't even keep six -seven when Heather was with them- people safe? And what would Dagur and Viggo do if Fishlegs died and the news reached them? Would they come for the rest of the riders and try to pick them off one by one, then head for Berk?
A nudge from Toothless broke into Hiccup's depressing thoughts. Looking down, he saw that the fish was starting to burn. Quickly gathering them on to a plate, Hiccup doused the fire in a bucket of water and began walking towards Snotlout's hut.
"Hiccup, maybe we should let Meatlug see Fishlegs now that she's awake," Astrid suggested as the pair walked down the wooden bridge that connected Snotlout's hut to the clubhouse.
"Oh! I completely forgot to ask! How well is she doing, exactly," Hiccup asked as he awkwardly tried to open Snotlout's door with one hand.
"She seems okay, just tired and bruised. I think she might also have a sprained wing but that should heal in a few days," Astrid answered while helping her friend with the door.
"So that means that Fishlegs took the brunt of the hit when we were trying to escape…" Hiccup trailed off into a dejected silence.
"Yeah… but at least Meatlug is okay! We still have something to be thankful for," Astrid reminded him gently.
"That is true…. I'd hold off on letting Meatlug see Fishlegs though. His condition might really upset her," Hiccup responded to Astrid's earlier suggestion.
"Perhaps but it might also drive her crazy to not see him," Astrid pointed out.
"Alright, later today we'll bring her in," Hiccup conceded.
"Oooh breakfast," Tuffnut announced as he and his sister came to the door.
"Tuffnut, did anything happen while we were gone," Hiccup inquired as he sat the plate of fish down on the table.
"Not really, though I kind of dozed off after you left," Tuffnut shrugged.
Trying not to roll his eyes, Hiccup left Astrid and the twins at the table as he crossed the room to where Snotlout and Fishlegs lay.
"Hiccup…? What happened," Snotlout yawned, gazing around the room in confusion.
"You fell asleep, remember," Hiccup gently reminded his cousin.
"I… I - but what about Fishlegs?! Was someone watching him?! Did he wake up?!" Snotlout felt the panic starting to rise in his throat.
"We took turns watching him… and no Snotlout. He didn't wake up." Hiccup could feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes and could only imagine how Snotlout was feeling.
"It's only been a day and a half since the accident… he could still wake up, right?" Snotlout tried to force some hopefulness into his voice.
"I don't know Snotlout, I just don't know."
After another long, restless night in Snotlout's hut, the dragon riders woke to an unpleasant surprise. Snotlout was standing over Fishlegs, rocking back and forth on his feet, and wailing uncontrollably. A closer look revealed that Fishlegs had stopped breathing and his lips were turning a horrifying bluish purple color.
"Hiccup, Astrid, do something," Snotlout screamed in agony.
"Oh my gods! He's… Astrid, wake the twins," Hiccup yelled in a panic.
"No need to wake us. What's all the - oh…." Tuffnut and his sister stopped talking the moment they laid eyes on Fishlegs.
"Guys… I really… I really think he's…. Going," Hiccup tried to keep his voice steady to no avail.
"Wait," Ruffnut exclaimed, surprising everyone as she pointed to Fishlegs. If one looked very closely and concentrated just enough, they would see a very faint rise and fall of Fishlegs's chest.
"Oh great Odin's ghost he's breathing again," Snotlout whispered joyfully through his tears. Hiccup and Astrid exchanged a look. While Fishlegs might have started breathing again, it was almost undetectable and his overall condition was much closer to death than it was a few hours ago.
"I'd better terror mail Gothi and my father," Hiccup said to Astrid, making sure to keep his voice low enough so that Snotlout wouldn't hear him.
"Hiccup… maybe you should go deliver the news in person. It's a bit too sensitive to break by sending a terror mail, especially to the Ingermans," Astrid pointed out.
"Good thinking. I'll be back… well soon hopefully. I…. I just can't believe…"
"I know Hiccup. I know," Astrid murmured sympathetically. With one last glance at his friends all clustered around Fishlegs, Hiccup mounted Toothless and sped off towards Berk without another word.
Less than two hours later, Hiccup and Toothless landed in the village square. A few of the Berkians gave him rather surprised looks but no one said anything. Hiccup figured he'd find his father first and fill him in on the turn that Fishlegs was taking. Then he'd go to the Ingermans and… oh gods, Hiccup couldn't even begin to imagine how he'd tell his best friend's parents that they needed to prepare for their son's funeral this evening. Just as Hiccup was brushing a tear from his cheek and sniffling, he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Son! What brings you and Toothless to Berk?"
Hiccup turned around to stare up at his father, Stoick the Vast. Upon seeing his son's face, Stoick's smile fell.
"It's Fishlegs, dad. He…. he's…. I don't think he's gonna make it." Hiccup lowered his watery gaze to the ground.
"I'll go fetch Gothi and Gobber while you go break the news to the Ingermans. Is there anyone else I need to spread the news to," Stoick asked in concern.
"Yes. The parents of all the other riders. Fishlegs… would…." Hiccup's voice caught in his throat and he found himself unable to go on. Stoick nodded in understanding and set off in the direction of the forge. Petting Toothless absentmindedly on the head, Hiccup began walking towards the Ingermans' hut. Oh gods this was going to just….well there really weren't any words to describe it.
Knock, knock, knock. The door opened to reveal the Ingermans staring at Hiccup anxiously. He hung his head in guilt and without a word they stepped aside for him to come in. Taking a deep breath, Hiccup looked around and saw that most of Fishlegs's extended family members were crammed into the small space. Oh gods. This just got about a thousand times harder. Placing a hand on the table to steady himself, Hiccup took another deep breath.
"Fishlegs… isn't doing so well. Gothi gave him three days to wake up and well, it's almost the end of that third day. My father and I will be flying back to the Edge shortly with his parents to…." Hiccup took a ragged breath before continuing.
"And it would mean the world to Fishlegs if the rest of you could be there. We're wings up in less than an hour," Hiccup finished as tears leaked out of his eyes.
"Will the other riders and their families be there," Fishelegs's mother asked listlessly.
"Yes, I think Fishlegs would like that, though we can uninvite-"
"No. Our son loved you and his friends almost as much as his dragon. They will be there," Fishlegs's father spoke up.
"Alright, that's that then. I… we'd better get…" Hiccup blinked back tears. There would be time to cry later, in the privacy of his hut. For now, though, he needed to be strong for the Ingermans and the other riders.
Less than an hour later the Fishlegs's parents were seated behind Hiccup and Stoick, while the rest of the Ingerman house had scrambled onto any dragons that they could find. As for the families of the riders, Spitelout was carrying his wife on his Deadly Nadder, Astrid's parents were split between Gobber's dragon and Gothi's Gronkle, and not a single member of the Thorstan family could be found. Giving the signal, Hiccup took off for the Edge with the rest of the dragons and their riders following behind him.
"Astrid… it's getting close to the end of the third day," Snotlout whimpered as Astrid came in with a pitcher of water and some burly cakes.
"I know Snotlout…" Astrid whispered as she sat down at the table next to Snotlout. He'd finally gotten out of bed to stretch his legs and relieve himself a few hours ago but unfortunately he hadn't stopped pacing the floor until a few seconds ago.
"What am I going to do? I… I never got to tell him… that I love him…." Snotlout broke into a dry sob. Not knowing what to say, Astrid scooted her chair closer to Snotlout and put her arm around his shoulders while he sobbed. Together they sat like that for a while until Snotlout had finally cried himself out. Just as Astrid was about to go get some water for her friend, the door opened and Hiccup and his father walked in.
"This has been really hard on the lad," Stoick gestured to Snotlout who looked like an honest to gods shipwreck. His eyes were completely bloodshot, his hair was matted on one side, and dried snot cracked across his painfully red nose.
"He really does love Fishlegs," Hiccup agreed.
"Is it time," Astrid asked, feeling her stomach drop .
"Yes. Come help us prepare the ship lass," Stoick answered. Astrid got to her feet and followed the chief and his heir down to the docks where a single ship was waiting. After a moment of holding Fishlegs's hand and whispering sweet nothings in his ear, Snotlout got up to join them. He couldn't deny it any longer. Fishlegs would never wake up and it was all Snotlout's fault.
The work to prepare the ship for Fishlegs's body went by much faster than Snotlout would have liked. Every extra minute that the five of them (after checking on Meatlug, Gobber had come to join the party) took to ready the funeral ship was an extra minute that Fishlegs had to miraculously wake from his coma. Unfortunately the ship was finished just as the sun was starting to sink below the horizon and Snotlout felt his heart shattering on the ground into a million pieces. Within the hour, Fishlegs would be dead and there was nothing anyone could do about it. If only Snotlout could have told him sooner that he loved him...the pain of knowing that Fishlegs would die without ever being aware that Snotlout was in love with him was indescribable.
Stoick called out for the gathered friends and family of Fishlegs to come down to the docks, breaking into Snotlout's thoughts. The faces of everyone blurred together through his tears and at this point he didn't even bother to hide them. The suddenly the sea of Viking parted and Gobber came down through the middle, cradling Fishlegs in his arms. Once the pair had reached the edge of the docks, Gobber lovingly laid Fishlegs to rest in the center of the boat and stepped back to stand beside Stoick and Hiccup. Fishlegs's parents stepped forward and turned to address the crowd of grieving vikings.
"Lo there do I see my Father / Lo there do I see my Mother and my Brothers and my Sisters / Lo there do I see the line of my people back to my beginning / Lo they do call to me / They bid me take my place among them in the halls of Valhalla / Where thine enemies have been vanquished / Where the brave shall live forever / Nor shall we mourn but rejoice for those that have died the glorious death."
With these words, Snotlout felt the broken pieces of his heart slowly turn to ice. The lump in his throat seemed to melt away, leaving a strange numbness in its place. As Snotlout watched the Ingermans solemnly take their arrows and steady their aim, it was as though he was watching them through Hiccup's spy glass instead of standing mere feet from the funeral at the edge of the docks. Fishlegs's parents pulled their arms back to release the flaming arrows and an idea sparked in Snotlout's head. Before he could even give the briefest of considerations to what he was about to do, he stumbled in front of the Ingermans, waving his hands wildly. They slowly lowered their bows to stare at him in a dazed confusion.
"Wait! Wait! I have… something to say," Snotlout gasped as he took his first full breath in what seemed like ages.
"Oh gods! Is he…." Hiccup whispered to Astrid, who shrugged in return.
"Well go on lad," Stoick encouraged his nephew.
"This is…." Snotlout took a moment to collect himself before going on.
"…all my fault. You see, Fishlegs got captured because he took a shot from the dragon hunters for me. And then when I finally rescued him… I couldn't save him, I could only avenge him."
Hiccup opened his mouth to protest but Snotlout simply held up a hand to silence him before continuing to speak.
"But that's not… what I want to say. Important details, yes, but I have something else to share that everyone needs to hear." Snotlout could feel himself beginning to babble so he took a steadying breath and paused for a second to collect his thoughts.
"I am a coward. For months I was denying a large part of who I am and along with that denial, I was also lying to myself about...my feelings for a certain someone. Every time I got close to even mentioning it, I would chicken out. I had many reasons to be afraid but looking back, they all seem so stupid now. I'm slowly learning that I don't have to be afraid of who I am, or of sharing it with my fellow vikings but it doesn't change the fact that the one person who I wanted to share this with more than anything is now gone. So here I am, babbling away in front of all of you, doing the best I can to make things right." Snotlout turned away from the crowd of vikings who were raptly hanging on to his every word and stared down at the ship where Fishlegs's covered body lay peacefully.
"Fishlegs Justin Ingerman, I am completely and utterly in love with you. I wish…. I wish I could have told you sooner, when you were still with us. But as we all know, I'm too much of a coward for that, so now here I am, confessing my love to you at your funeral. When we meet again in the halls of Valhalla, I hope you'll forgive me. I love you." A single tear slipped out of Snotlout's eye and slid down his cheek. Just as he was turning around to face the gathered vikings, Fishlegs opened his eyes.
"Snotlout."
The whisper came out as an unheard croak and Fishlegs watched in a panic as Snotlout turned his back on him. His mind was hazier than the air after one of the twins' more destructive episodes and his vision was beyond blurry but Fishlegs could tell that he was laying on some sort of bed below the docks. As his vision focused, Fishlegs could see the pained looks of his parents and the tear stained faces of his friends. Squinting at the crowd of vikings gathered above him on the docks, Fishlegs noticed something else. His family, the dragon riders, Gobber, and Stoick were all carrying arrows that were ready to be ignited. Oh and there was Gothi! It took Fishlegs a minute to put everything all together but suddenly all the pieces fell into place. Oh gods! This meant that he was about to be set aflame and shipped out to sea, per traditional viking funeral customs! Panicking in earnest now, Fishlegs tried to raise his arms to get the attention of anyone on the docks. Unfortunately he was too weak to do any more than simply raise his hand for a few short seconds. Oh gods, he could not go out like this! Just then a stroke of brilliance hit. Screwing up his face in concentration, Fishlegs did the dragon call for Toothless. It was a long shot because his voice was so feeble but Night Furies had some of the best hearing out of all the dragons and Fishlegs was banking on that to be his saving grace.
Just as the sick viking was about to make the call again, Toothless came crashing through the crown of vikings and skidded to a stop at the edge of the docks. Hiccup immediately rushed to his dragon's side and let out a whoop of joy when he peered down into the funeral boat and saw Fishlegs staring up at him with as much of a grin as he could muster.
"He's alive! Fishlegs is alive," Hiccup announced to the Berkians who were still crammed on the docks.
"Quick! Get him out of the boat," Stoick commanded over the excitement that had spread through the group like a forest fire. Thinking on his feet, Hiccup climbed into Toothless's saddle, took off in a loop-de-loop, and then flew back down towards the ship. The pair hovered for a moment as Toothless scooped Fishlegs up and then the three of them were heading off towards the clubhouse.
"Alright everyone! We don't want to crowd the lad! As soon as Hiccup and Toothless have made him comfortable, Gothi will go in and check him over. After that, she'll decide on how many visitors Fishlegs can see," Stoick yelled over the bubbling chaos. Giving the chief a determined look, Gothi clambered onto her Gronkle and hurried after Hiccup and Toothless.
"Well I guess we won't be needing this," Gobber exclaimed cheerfully as he nudged the edge of the funeral ship with his pegleg. Stoick opened his mouth to disagree and remind his best friend that Gothi hadn't given her new diagnosis yet but before he could get a word out, the twins came barreling by on Barf and Belch.
"Fire in the hole," Tuffnut yelled gleefully. A bubble of green Zippleback gas, a small spark, a loud boom, and the ship was no more.
"How did you guys get Barf and Belch here so quickly," Astrid asked in shock.
"Our dragon loves destruction as much as we do. Of course Barf and Belch sensed the immediate need to set a useless object aflame," Tuffnut crowed triumphantly.
"Figures," Astrid mumbled as she rolled her eyes.
Less than half an hour later, Gothi exited the clubhouse to find Fishlegs's parents, Stoick, Gobber, and the rest of the riders anxiously awaiting her diagnosis. Pouring a small sack of flour on the ground, she began scribbling intensely and Gobber stepped forward to translate.
"Fishlegs is a whale…?" Whack.
"Awake, sorry! He's awake and can see visitors. Parents first, then his friends. If he starts to sing…" Another whack.
"Sleep! You know your writing isn't what it used to be." Gobber narrowly avoided another smack from Gothi's staff.
"Anyway. She says that if Fishlegs starts to sleep, let him. And getting him back to his normal self will be very difficult, so be prepared," Gobber translated, sans mistakes this time.
"When can we take our son home," Mr. Ingerman asked Gothi.
"That's for Fishlegs to decide. There's not much Gothi can do; it's up to him to decide if he wants to pull through this."
"Wait, he might not make it," Mrs. Ingerman gasped anxiously, her hands flying to her mouth to hide a whimper. Scribble, scribble, scribble.
"It's all in his hands." At this, Mrs. Ingerman began to wail in earnest. The shock of her son's near death -and the fact that he was still in the danger zone, according to Gothi- was finally beginning to dawn on her.
Watching Mrs. Ingerman sob hysterically in her husband's arms, Gothi scowled. Scribble, scribble.
"Oh! She says she's just made an executive decision. Fishlegs will be staying here away from hysterical parents." Gobber chuckled but quickly turned it into a cough when he caught Stoick's eye.
"Why don't we take care of Fishlegs for now," Hiccup gestured to himself and the other riders, "and when he's ready, he can decide where he wants to go."
"Aye, that's a good plan," Stoick agreed with his son. Gothi nodded excitedly and scribbled some more.
"Gothi approves! She thinks Fishlegs is in too fragile a condition to be transported back to Berk anyway," Gobber added helpfully. Not one to disagree with both the village healer and her chief, Mrs. Ingerman allowed her husband to lead her back to where their rides were waiting.
"Well I suppose we best be getting a move on too," Stoick said as he watched the Ingermans climb onto their respective dragons.
"Good idea chief," Gobber agreed.
"Terror mail if you need us," Stoick called out over his shoulder as he, Gobber, and Gothi mounted their dragons.
Within a few minutes Dragon's Edge had been completely cleared out and it was just the six riders. Make that five riders; Snotlout was nowhere to be found.
"Oh gods, not again," Astrid rolled her eyes.
"Look, I'll go find him," Hiccup offered, trying to placate his crush.
Snotlout was, at the moment, pacing back and forth vigorously across the wooden floor of his hut. Hookfang huffed at him in annoyance but Snotlout paid him no attention. On the one hand, he was beyond overjoyed that Fishlegs had somehow managed to wake up from his coma before being sent off in a flaming ship. On the other hand…. Snotlout wasn't sure how much of his confession Fishlegs had heard, if any of it. Of course if he tried to ask Fishlegs if he'd heard any of Snotlout's confession and the answer was no, Snotlout knew that the following question would be "so what was the confession," and then he'd have to explain. But if Fishlegs had heard Snotlout's admission of love, well then asking about it would force them to have to talk about it. The mere thought of either of those options made Snotlout's stomach twist and clench more violently than when he'd mistakenly tried Astrid's infamous Yaknog when they were kids. Just as Snotlout was about to start dry heaving, Hiccup pushed open the door and invited himself in.
"W- what are you doing here, Hiccup," Snotlout asked meekly as he joined his cousin at the table.
"Oh I don't know. Why are you hiding from Fishlegs?" Hiccup gave his cousin an even stare.
"I… well…it's…." Snotlout stammered, trying to think of a logical excuse. Admitting that he was afraid sounded pretty lame, given what had happened.
"Look at how you cared for him when he was in the coma! You insisted that he take your bed and you stayed up for hours at a time to see if he'd wake up! It was damn near impossible to get you to leave Fishlegs's side! And look at the speech you gave, admitting your love for him in front of his entire family! And now that he's alive, you're just going to hide from him like nothing happened," Hiccup snapped.
"I…." Snotlout flinched from the harshness of his cousin's brutally honest words.
"Fishlegs deserves more than this Snotlout, and I know you're going to be beyond worthy of him once you stop hiding. And yes. He was asking for you," Hiccup said less harshly as he stood to leave. Just as he was almost out the door, Snotlout finally spoke.
"How do you know he even wants me," Snotlout whimpered.
"How do you know he doesn't," Hiccup challenged. When Snotlout didn't reply, Hiccup sighed and closed the door. So much for Snotlout growing a pair and facing his feelings.
Watching his cousin leave, Snotlout bit his thumb thoughtfully. Although he had kind of crossed the line between honest and cruel, Hiccup had made some good points. Not to mention, hadn't most of Snotlout's lovesick speech been about how he wished that Fishlegs was still alive so that he could know how Snotlout felt? Well here was his second chance. Was he going to waste it like a coward or viking up and go confess his love to Fishlegs? Getting to his feet, Snotlout squared his shoulders and made his way down to the clubhouse. There was no time like the present, after all.
Fishlegs was resting quietly on a made up cot with Meatlug standing guard over him when he heard someone enter the clubhouse. Fishlegs was too exhausted to raise head but if he had to guess, he'd say it was Snotlout who had just come through the door. All of the other riders had been at his bedside the moment Gothi gave them the okay to visit and with the exceptions to get food, water, or anything else they thought he might need, not a single one of them had left, not even the twins. Fishlegs sighed and tried not to feel disappointed. After all, the way Hiccup, Astrid, Ruff, and Tuff were caring for him was beyond anything he'd ever hoped for and he was incredibly thankful for it. Plus it occurred to him that Heather hadn't been here to see him yet either, which strangely made Fishlegs feel a little better.
Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by a loud shuffling that sounded like everyone leaving the clubhouse. There was a slight pause, some whispered words that he couldn't make out, and then the soft pattering of footsteps coming towards him. A gentle voice mumbled something at Meatlug, who stepped away from Fishlegs and he would have gasped in surprise if he'd had the energy or the voice to do so. There stood Snotlout, rocking back and forth rather bashfully on his feet and blushing a brilliant shade of red.
"So you finally came to see me," Fishlegs croaked out and Snotlout winced. Oh yak dung, Fishlegs had meant that as a joke but apparently it hadn't come off that way.
"I -" Snotlout started to say but Fishlegs held up his hand to stop him.
"I'm sorry Snotlout, that wasn't supposed to come out that way." At the words "come out," Snotlout's stomach did a painful flip. Ignoring it, he took a deep breath and sat down next to Fishlegs's makeshift bed.
"I… oh Thor this is gonna be so hard!" Snotlout took a shaky breath and tried not to dry heave.
"I'm here," Fishlegs said patiently. Snotlout shifted his anxious gaze from his sweaty hands to Fishlegs, who simply gave a small smile. Feeling slightly reassured, Snotlout pushed all the fears out of his mind and took the plunge.
"I'm in love with you."
Fishlegs opened his mouth to squawk in surprise but Snotlout held up a hand for silence.
"I know, I know. Who would have thought that I…. you…?! But it's been months,
Fishlegs, months! And the more I tried to deny my feelings, the stronger they became. I just….didn't know how to tell you. And then, when Dagur captured you, I was beyond panicked. That brief moment when I thought we had saved you and Meatlug… I had never felt relief that strong, nor had I ever felt a protective rage that intense. I wanted to tell you so badly in that moment but… then….you got… the boulder just…" Snotlout's voice caught as a sob escaped from his lips and tears began rolling down his cheeks.
"Hey, hey, it's okay Snotlout! I'm right here," Fishlegs whispered as he reached out and
grabbed Snotlout's hand. Giving it a reassuring squeeze, he waited for the other dragon rider to catch his breath. After a moment, Snotlout wiped his nose with his free hand and continued on.
"I kept hoping that you would wake up but you never did. When Gobber brought you down to the docks for the funeral because we were all sure that you were going to be dead within the next few minutes…. I had never felt an agony like that. Just… the thought that you would die without ever knowing how I felt was killing me. And so… I did the only thing I could think of. I confessed my love for you in front of everyone at the docks. And then you woke up," Snotlout finished thickly. He couldn't even bear to look at Fishlegs now, least disgust was etched into his face.
"Snotlout…" Fishlegs's voice was drowning in emotions.
"Look I don't expect you to feel the same way. I just wanted you to know," Snotlout mumbled as he got to his feet and tried to keep from breaking into another round of sobs. In a surge of desperate strength, Fishlegs reached out and pulled Snotlout back down to his bed.
"Snotlout, you daft, daft Viking. I do feel the same way."
Snotlout just stared at Fishlegs in shock, not believing what he had just heard. He wanted to ask for clarification but Fishlegs's eyes had glazed over and his breathing had slowed. Trying not to panic, Snotlout took his crush's hand and began to whisper sweet nothings in Fishlegs's ear. The two young men stayed that way for hours and eventually Fishlegs's breathing evened out but he didn't open his eyes again.
The next few days were a struggle for all of the riders, Snotlout in particular. Although Fishlegs was now out of the coma, Gothi's words about how the Gronkle-loving rider might not pull through the recovery still rang fresh in their minds. Sometimes, when Hiccup and Astrid went to check on their injured friend, his blue eyes were open and he seemed interested in making small talk about the weather or the dragons. Other times, Ruff and Tuff would report that when Fishlegs was sleeping, he was thrashing about the bed, almost like he was having a nightmare. And other times, Fishlegs just laid in bed, completely unaware of the world around him. It seemed as though his confession of reciprocating Snotlout's feelings was just a singular moment of clarity and not a sign of how the rest of his recovery was going to go.
Out of all the riders, Snotlout never went to report to Hiccup about how Fishlegs was doing because Snotlout was adamant about not leaving Fishlegs's side and on the fourth night after Fishlegs had woken up from the coma, Snotlout was sitting by his side, just holding Fishlegs's hand while he slept. Out of nowhere, Fishlegs began tossing and turning while his face contorted into pained expressions and his breathing became ragged. Panicking, Snotlout glanced around the room, his eyes frantically searching for one of the other riders, before he remembered that Astrid wasn't coming for her nightwatch shift until much later. All the other riders were currently asleep and Snotlout toyed with the idea of briefly leaving Fishlegs so that he could go and get help but he ultimately decided against it. For one, Snotlout would feel rather horrendous if Fishlegs woke up from his nightmare and no one was there for him. For another, Fishlegs was Snotlout's responsibility and although in the past, those words hadn't meant much, they meant the world now.
Gently lacing his fingers with Fishlegs's, Snotlout began to hum a lullaby that he remembered his mom singing to him when he was little. At first, it wasn't doing much and Fishlegs was still flailing about in a violent manner but after what felt like forever, the shudders began to calm just the tiniest bit. Snotlout smiled, feeling an immense amount of relief. Surely now Fishlegs would start to wake from the nightmare!
An hour or so later, the young man was much the same. Sure it wasn't as awful as when the terrible dreams had first started but it wasn't much better. Sitting there, holding Fishlegs's hand, and still humming, Snotlout suddenly remembered the actual words to the lullaby and not just the tune. For a split second he debated on not singing, mainly because no one had ever heard him before and also because Snotlout was just the tiniest bit shy about his voice but the look on Fishlegs's face quelled those thoughts. Plucking up his courage, Snotlout took a deep breath and began to fill the little wooden hut with an almost angelic voice.
"The sky is dark and the hills are white
As the storm-king speeds from the north to-night;
And this is the song the storm-king sings,
As over the world his cloak he flings:
Sleep, sleep, little one, sleep;
He rustles his wings and gruffly sings:
Sleep, little one, sleep.
On yonder mountain-side a vine
Clings at the foot of a mother pine;
The tree bends over the trembling thing,
And only the vine can hear her sing:
Sleep, sleep, little one, sleep—
What shall you fear when I am here?
Sleep, little one, sleep."
The king may sing in his bitter flight,
The tree may croon to the vine to-night,
But the little snowflake at my breast
Liketh the song I sing the best—
Sleep, sleep, little one, sleep;
Weary thou art, a-next my heart
Sleep, little one, sleep."
Right as Snotlout was about to launch into another round of lullaby singing, his door creaked open to reveal the other four riders standing in the entryway, all with varying degrees of shock written across their faces. Astrid was the only one with her jaw opened wide, probably because even though she'd been one of the first ones to hear Snotlout come out, he had been, well, Astrid didn't have a word for it yet but Snotlout had hit on her multiple times despite an obvious disinterest and he'd been the same way towards other women in the past and so to see such a tender side of Hiccup's cousin was just… weird. Not bad but it definitely took some getting used to.
"Wow Snotty, we didn't even know that you could sing!" Tuffnut said while his twin sister burst into a round of applause, though it was a little hard to tell if the twins were mocking him or not. It was always like that though with the Thorstan twins.
It might have been the Ruffnut's clapping, the singing, Tuffnut talking, or some combination of the three but for the first time in days, Fishlegs opened his eyes. Not only that but he was able to push himself up onto all the pillows that Snotlout had piled onto the bed to gain a better view of the room.
"Oooh someone's awake," Tuffnut yelled.
"Shut up Tuffnut, we don't want to overwhelm Fishlegs with loud noises," Snotlout snapped.
"Yeah Tuff, shut up," Ruffnut added, though she spoke in just as loud of a voice as her brother.
"Guys quiet, Snotlout's right," Hiccup hissed, which thankfully got the twins to be quiet.
"Hey Fishlegs… how's it going?" Snotlout swallowed and tried to keep his hands from shaking. He couldn't bring himself to meet his lover's gaze and instead stared the wooden floor.
"Who.. who are you?" At these words, Snotlout's head snapped up, his stomach felt like it was falling out his ass, and he could have sworn that the temperature in his hut dropped below freezing because the blood in his veins was turning to ice. Tears began cascading down Snotlout's cheeks before he could stop them and he burst out of his hut before the other dragon riders could get a single word out. As soon as Snotlout's boots hit the ground, he broke into a full sprint; he had disappeared into the darkness by the time Hiccup had processed what was happening enough to walk to the edge of Snotlout's balcony to see if he was curled up and crying somewhere down below or if Hookfang was nearby. Upon seeing neither of these things, Hiccup returned to where the rest of the riders were gathered around Fishlegs, who was miraculously still awake. That was good at least, even if he didn't remember Snotlout. Hiccup would worry about that later, plus he knew from experience that Snotlout needed time to cool down before anyone would be able to talk to him about what he was feeling / what had happened.
"Fishlegs… What do you remember?" Astrid asked. Hiccup winced, seeing as they'd all walked in on Snotlout singing a lullaby to calm Fishlegs's nightmare but the question was already out there. Fuck.
"I… we ride dragons, right…? And… and… Meatlug? Meatlug… that feels important.."
Without saying a word, Ruffnut and Tuffnut slipped out of the hut and down to the stables. By the time Hiccup and Astrid noticed that the twins had left, they were already returning with Meatlug. The Gronkle seemed to understand the severity of the situation seeing how she refrained from running right at Fishlegs and smothering him in cuddles. He stared her in confusion for a minute or two and Hiccup was about to suggest the Meatlug be taken back to the stables -he could deal with the twins for having a sort of reckless idea later- but then Fishlegs's eyes lit up in recognition and his mouth twitched into a small smile.
"Meatlug! I knew you were important!"
The next few days were much of the same. Sometimes when Fishlegs was awake, he would ask for Meatlug but half of those times, when she would come into the hut, Fishlegs would forget who she was and just stare at her in confusion until one of the other riders took her back to the stables. Speaking of the other riders, Fishlegs struggled to remember the names of Hiccup, Astrid, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut and when Fishlegs could remember, more often than not, he called the riders by the wrong names before slipping back into the unconscious void. He never remembered Snotlout, until one day.
Unable to stand sleeping in his own hut, Snotlout had either been sleeping with Hookfang in the stables or in a random corner of the clubhouse. His eyes had permanent bags underneath them, his hair was starting to get matted again, and his nose looked like cracked red leather. The poor viking barely ate and when someone could coax him into joining the rest of the riders for a meal, Snotlout pushed his food around the plate and only took a few small bites. When he thought that none of the others were watching, Snotlout would swing by his hut to check on Fishlegs but if he was awake, Snotlout couldn't bear going inside. However on the sixth day since Fishlegs had first recognized his dragon, things changed.
Snotlout was down at the stables, about to take Hookfang flying -mainly because the Monstrous Nightmare wouldn't stop pestering his rider and not because Snotlout actually wanted to- when Astrid came racing up to him.
"Snotlout, come to your hut! Fishlegs is awake, he remembered Meatlug AND called me, Ruffnut, and Hiccup all by the correct names! Maybe he'll remember you today!"
"Where's Tuffnut? I'm about to take Hookfang out so I could -"
"Snotlout. Stop stalling, I know you want to see him." Astrid's tone was firm and Snotlout caved. It didn't take much anyway because at this point, anything had to be better than this seemingly endless waiting, right? His mind made up, Snotlout unsaddled Hookfang and followed Astrid back to his own hut. When he walked through the door, Fishlegs was sitting upright in bed instead of being semi propped up and his eyes were bright, taking in the activity around him. Hiccup was doodling in his notebook while Ruffnut was braiding her thick blonde hair. Snotlout felt Astrid's eyes on him and he took a deep breath. As much as he didn't want a repeat of last time, he had to know.
"Hey Fishlegs… remember me?" Snotlout kept his voice low as he took a few tentative steps towards where his lover was sitting. Even though Astrid was silent and the other two dragon riders continued with what they were doing, Snotlout felt as though walls themselves were holding their breath. The silence stretched out into a couple of minutes and Snotlout was about to leave when Fishlegs spoke.
"Hey Snotlout."
Snotlout could have cried or leapt for joy and he wasn't sure which one he wanted to do first because it also felt like his stomach had sank to his knees in the span of about two seconds. He took a couple more steps towards the bed and was about to reach out his hand when the small smile on Fishlegs's face shifted into more of a grimace. Sensing the energy in the room change, Hiccup put his notebook away and narrowed his eyes. Even Ruffnut was being weirdly attentive and quiet.
"I remember you." Fishlegs's voice became hard as his eyes narrowed into a glare and Snotlout gulped. Oh shit, this could not be good.
"You mocked me for years, my body, my interests, always calling me a nerd or some other insult…" By now Fishlegs's words were coming out of his mouth in a snarl and he was struggling to push himself out of bed while fury blazed in his eyes. As much as it terrified Snotlout, he moved closer to Fishlegs, hoping that if they could just hold hands for a moment, the physical touch might reawaken a sliver of a pleasant memory.
"Fishlegs… I know I was horrible when we were kids, I'm so sorry… I just didn't know how to tell you that I'm in love with you, I know it's not an excuse, I-"
SLAP! Fishlegs stuck his palm hard against Snotlout's cheek, making him stumble.
"Snotlout, get out of here," Astrid yelled as she and Hiccup rushed forward to restrain Fishlegs while Ruffnut jumped up from the floor and began dragging Snotlout out of the hut when he refused to move. As she was yanking Snotlout, they crashed into Tuffnut, who no doubt had heard all of the commotion.
"What in Loki's name is going on here, sister Nut," Tuffnut asked, staring wide-eyed at his sister pulling on Snotlout's arm.
"It's Fishlegs, we gotta get Snotlout outta here," Ruffnut yelled. Tuffnut nodded, did the dragon call for Barf and Belch, and before Snotlout could even begin to start processing what the fuck had happened in the last two minutes, he and the twins were soaring above the Edge against the sunset colored skies. It was a while before anyone spoke but after what felt like hours, Snotlout had enough energy to ask where they were headed.
"We're taking the scenic route back to Berk," Tuffnut answered.
"There is no scenic route to Berk you muttonhead, it's all ocean that looks the exact same," Ruffnut argued.
"Not true! Remember that one specific sea stack and the other -"
"Guys. Please. Why are we headed back to Berk?" Snotlout struggled to speak above a whisper.
"Oh. Right. Well Tuffnut and I figured that it would be best to keep you off the Edge for a couple of days while Fishlegs calms down from his episode," Ruffnut explained.
"If he calms down," Snotlout mumbled, trying to keep the tears at bay. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of the twins.
"Don't worry Snotlout, he will," Tuffnut said but Snotlout didn't believe him.
After a couple of days at Berk, the twins and Snotlout returned to the Edge around midmorning. Astrid and Hiccup were nowhere to be found, so the other three riders assumed that the pair must be with Fishlegs. Against his better judgment, Snotlout followed the twins into his hut and joined everyone else at his wooden table. Not to brag or anything but Snotlout was actually pretty proud of that table; it wasn't as beautiful as if Hiccup had carved it but it still looked more beautiful than most of the furniture back in Berk and Snotlout had made it all by himself.
"Snotlout, are you sure this is a good idea," Hiccup whispered while watching Fishlegs out of the corner of his eye.
"Yes dad." Snotlout rolled his eyes but he felt his muscles tense up when he saw that Fishlegs was awake and looking right at him. Oh fuck…
"Hiccup… who's that?"
"Um… that's Snotlout…" Hiccup directed his full attention to Fishlegs, waiting to see what his best friend would do.
"Huh, Snotlout. What a funny name." And with that, Fishlegs closed his eyes. He didn't wake up for another five hours.
For the next few weeks, it was much of the same. Fishlegs spent more time unconscious than not and when he was awake, he either had no memory of who Snotlout was or got violent when he was in the room. It seemed as though the confession of love and when Fishlegs had said that he felt the same way had never even happened and that when Fishlegs was trapped in his worst memories, that included when Snotlout had bullied him as a kid. Most nights, Snotlout wouldn't even sleep in the compound built on the Edge but instead would be hiding away in a cave that not even Hiccup had found in all their time there. In fact… the only other person on the Edge who knew the location of said cave was Fishlegs. Last spring, Snotlout had been flying on Hookfang, gotten caught in the rain, and stumbled into a cave to escape the downpour… and there were Meatlug and Fishlegs. The latter had been surprised to see Snotlout but nonetheless he scooted over to make room by his small campfire and the two vikings had one of their first pleasant conversations in gods knows how long. They probably ended up talking for a few hours because it was dinner time when they got back to the clubhouse and Snotlout had left for his flight shortly after lunch. Now, the cave was silent and dark because every time Snotlout looked at the ring of rocks just beyond the entrance, he couldn't bring himself to light a fire. They were the same rocks from when Fishlegs had been there and all Snotlout could think about was how much he'd wanted to kiss his crush the entire time they'd been talking. If only he had… maybe then Snotlout and Fishlegs would have had an actual chance at love but it seemed that now the gods were playing a cruel joke with love and death. No matter how Snotlout begged, nothing was bringing Fishlegs back to him and it was a special type of burning pain to be worlds away from your love when they were physically right in front of you.
"There's nothing I can fucking do to fix this, Hookfang," Snotlout sobbed in the otherwise empty cave. All Hookfang could do was tuck his rider under his wing and let Snotlout cry himself into an exhausted silence, not asleep but too tired to make any noise.
The next morning, Snotlout and Hookfang flew into the clubhouse long after the other riders had eaten breakfast. Only Hiccup was there, tidying up the long table where everyone gathered for meetings or meals. Snotlout raised his hand in greeting, his voice still too sore from last to do any talking. Hiccup looked up and when he saw who was standing in the door, his face softened.
"Snotlout… we think that Fishlegs is getting worse. You should… you should probably go see him," Hiccup finished, leaving a lot unsaid but he could tell from the pain in Snotlout's blue eyes that the unspoken message had been received loud and clear.
"I… I'll do that now. Thanks Hiccup." Snotlout shuffled away to his hut without even glancing at the plate of food that Hiccup had set aside for him.
Once in his hut, Snotlout wandered over to his love and against his better judgment, picked up Fishlegs's hand. Even if it resulted in anger and being slapped again, anything was better than watching Fishlegs lay unconscious for the longest period of time since his three day coma. Of course, there was no change in the silent viking's condition and Snotlout was forcing himself to accept that Fishlegs might actually… not wake up ever again.
Throughout the day and into the night, the other riders trickled by, trying to coax Snotlout into leaving his hut but nothing worked. Around midnight, Hiccup shooed everyone else away in the hopes of talking to his cousin alone but Snotlout just pushed him out as well. As soon as the door to his hut had closed -and Snotlout bolted it shut for good measure- he ran back to Fishlegs's side and took up his hand. There was no reaction, no small form of movement, nothing to give away that even in the deepest recesses of his mind, Fishlegs was aware that Snotlout was there.
"Please Fishlegs, please wake up. I fucking need you." No answer.
Snotlout crawled into his bed and sat next to his love for another couple of hours, the panic in his heart being the only thing that was keeping him awake. He'd been up for almost two days now and Snotlout could feel his body on the verge of collapse when suddenly something changed. Fishlegs's breathing became ragged then slowed to an almost undetectable noise. Snotlout rammed his ear to Fishlegs's chest and the time between heartbeats was getting longer and longer… and then Snotlout closed his eyes as his body finally forced him into a fitful slumber.