The faint yet incessant hum of the fluorescent lights did nothing but ingrain Amy's migraine.
As Amy scrolled through her phone her vision was continually blurred by her tears, obscuring the text on her screen. Not that it mattered, as post after post of Shadow's condemned face began to blur together. She should have known they would do this. Her fans always did this. All she could feel was the growing pit of guilt in her stomach and the eye-searing lights framing her dressing-room mirror.
This must have been some sort of divine punishment for allowing him to get close, for a call made too recklessly, for letting her emotions get the best of her. Shadow must have hated her for dragging her into her messy life. Her books would die with his loving praise, fading into obscurity. Amy would only be known for the work that was written in a previous life, associated only by name. This wasn't what she wanted to offer the world.
Why did she even care to drag him into this? What made Shadow so special? His words, looking back, were just bare minimum praise. But if that were the case, why was she so smitten with them? Was she just that starved for a decent word?
Well, that wasn't entirely it. Amy wasn't lying to the blue hedgehog at the book signing when she said she couldn't exactly pin him, but she knew exactly where she had seen Shadow from. It was almost uncanny-
Her thought was cut off as she was quickly brought back to reality. Her tears dried and left tacky streaks on her face. Her migraine also slowly faded, and she had a moment of clarity. She thought, deliriously, that maybe his abandoning her and disappearing forever was the right path. That would at least save her some embarrassment from her unsightly baggage. The last thing she wanted was to drag him into something he didn't deserve.
No. She would never get over it. She was in too deep to let him go now. He was special, and it would be a mockery to the universe to throw away a beautiful opportunity. And even then, forgetting him wouldn't stop the tidal wave of pressure blown in by her cursed life. If anything, the thought of him calmed those tides. He was her hope.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and a woman stuck her nose in the door, her warbling voice cutting through the silence.
"Miss Rose, you're on in five," she said quietly.
Amy quickly stretched her mug into a strained smile and nodded, hoping her tear streaks weren't too visible. The assistant thankfully didn't seem to notice.
Amy took a break and gradually got out of her chair, trekking towards the door. She would have to do the interview one way or another. She might as well do it the right way. With a smile.
The crew was sprawled across the studio and dead set on ignoring Amy. The interviewer, Surge, was a figure that Amy was unfamiliar with. All she knew was that she was an influencer of some kind, a little younger than her, who was granted the opportunity to run a talk show. An inexperienced host was no big deal. Amy was willing to have patience.
Surge, however, didn't seem unsure at all. She seemed quite confident. She easily directed everyone around the set. Although it seemed somewhat disorganized, and Amy could have sworn she got some technical lingo wrong, she would give Surge the benefit of the doubt. Amy went up to introduce herself as Surge insisted an intern do a quick coffee run.
"Hello, Surge! It's a treat to finally meet you. How are you doing?" Amy greeted brightly, extending a hand.
Surge looked at Amy, devoid of emotion. Her eyes were concentrated intently on her face as if Amy was being studied. After a moment of deafening silence, Surge smirked and shook Amy's hand firmly. But rather than a warm greeting, she called on another intern.
"Ben, let's get some more powder on Miss Rose, yeah?" she said, her voice sickeningly cloying.
Surge quickly dropped Amy's hand, quickly looked her up and down, and walked away with a subtle sneer.
Amy had never felt more compelled to drop a hammer on anyone. Still, she kept a sweet, embarrassed grin on her face and let Ben powder her face with a look of apology modeled on his own.
Soon, the interview began. The set itself was neon-colored, with outrageous, designer furniture. Surge dressed to match in a bright green suit. Amy felt unduly soft, dressed in a gauzy cornflower-blue dress. Perhaps her team told the stylist to keep her looking modest. They certainly did their job.
As the overhead lights went dim and the set quieted, a crew member counted down on his fingers from 5, then pointed at Surge and Amy on set. Amy put on the biggest beaming smile she could muster.
"Goooood evening Station Square! This is Pulse Nexus TV, your one-stop shop for all the latest news and gossip! I'm your host, Surge the Tenrec, here with the fabulous fantasy author, Amy Rose! Creator of the award-winning series, Whispers of Solaris!" Surge bellowed. Her voice was as excessive as the set, more like an extreme sports announcer than an interview. Amy figured that must have been Surge's appeal. Although, it made her more and more confused as to what the hell she was doing there of all places.
The studio audience roared with cheers as Amy waved cheerfully at them. They seemed genuinely eager, which soothed Amy somewhat. Yet, a pit grew in her stomach. She had a feeling this wouldn't be one of her better interviews.
"Thanks, Surge, for having me here. I'm actually writing more contemporary novels nowadays. Last year I released my coming-of-age novel Through the Hazy Abyss-" Amy began, only to lose steam by the end. She watched Surge's eyes glaze over before she turned back to the audience. She was constantly repositioning herself in the chair as if she were going to jump out and grab hold of one of the cameras. She had no problem using the swerving function of her chair, constantly shifting and fidgeting as if that suit was strangling her.
"Of course, yeah. You have your realistic fiction as well. Your standalone novels were also pretty well-received, right? Am I correct?" Surge added. She looked backstage for a moment then back to Amy, with a look of confusion, perhaps annoyance, pinching her face.
"Yeah! Heh… I'm very proud of my more recent releases. And I'm happy I'm here to discuss my latest historical biography… If you wouldn't mind." Amy murmured. It was said quietly, despite the irritation Amy truly felt. She meant it as more of a scathing quip, a jab at Surge for making her feel so small so easily, but Amy was nothing short of terrified in that chair, like a bug under a microscope. She must have looked like it too.
"Oh, of course! Just hang on one second. I want to hear about your story. From the beginning. I think the viewers would love to hear about you getting your start." Surge interrupted. Amy could feel her headache looming. This time not out of fear, but out of fury. But the harmless cheers of the audience egged on Surge's foolishness, and Amy knew she wasn't going to get what she wanted. Not this time. She nodded her head.
"Sure, I would love to." Amy forced, her voice sounding a little too strained. She hoped the fans wouldn't pick up on it, but her better reasoning knew that there would be at least 20 posts online for that blunder. She silently sighed in submission to her fate.
"So I understand you were first noticed for your writing online. Rumor has it you dabbled a bit in some spicy fanfiction. Any comments on that?" Surge pressed. She bared her teeth with a sinister smirk at the audience's resounding "Oooh!" Amy could already imagine the sea of fans. Half would be scrambling to expose and deconstruct her entire history online, and the long-standing fans would take the opportunity to complain and ridicule her for writing she did in high school. She suppressed a groan at the thought. Instead, Amy laughed politely and flicked her wrist in response, as if Surge simply brought up a silly little memory.
"It's true! Yeah. I wrote some fanfiction. I wouldn't call it spicy by any means, but it was a good way to get my start, I suppose. But I sort of moved past fanfiction after a bit in favor of writing original works." she went on to summarize her early days online, how she got popular, her first deal, and a typical underdog story. She concluded by shrugging her shoulders humbly, like the ever-pure girl next door she was marketed to be. The audience roared with excitement and applauded.
"Isn't that so great, ladies and gentlemen?" Surge replied, content with the waves of applause from her audience, which swelled in volume with each minor statement, with every inspiring message. The more the audience cheered, the less real they seemed. The room itself started feeling less and less real to Amy as time progressed. She was slowly sinking into the fuzzy, vague spot in the back of her mind as she disassociated.
Surge continued to ask a couple more questions, which were slightly easier to answer, if only because they were regularly covered in Amy's previous interviews. That didn't mean they didn't bring Amy back to some unpleasant memories. Rosemania, the conclusion of WOS, the expo. She was swept away with wave after wave of unpleasant memories. That is until Surge asked what was possibly Amy's least favorite question. One she was always asked at interviews.
"There are rumors that some WOS fanatics can get pretty passionate. Does it make you uncomfortable? Do they frighten you?" Surge questioned, but Amy wasn't sure if she even realized the weight of it, as opposed to all the other questions.
That last part echoed through Amy's mind like a wail into the bottomless pit. 'Do they frighten you?'
Nothing frightened Amy like her fans. That was a truth she accepted years ago and had been living with since. It was insane how badly she wanted to say it. It was even more insane how horrified she was of what were seemingly normal people. Her fans were this overwhelming, obsessive mass that had slowly consumed her life until Amy had nothing left of herself but a corporate shell. They took away her friends, her dignity, her identity… Her safety.
She remembered countless times when they had tried to touch her and tell her disgusting or horrible things. The looks they gave her, the things they said about her. She remembered one fan in particular. It was a convention, and the fan walked up and grabbed her wrist tightly, firmly holding it with no intention of letting go. Amy tried to wrestle his grip away but nobody seemed to notice. Looking her straight in the eye he said…
"Stop ignoring us. If you don't take a picture with me we'll just take them ourselves, and you're not going to like the ones we take."
The man was dealt with eventually, and he got no such photo. But that was the moment Amy started hiring security. She put a multi-step passcode on her phone and stopped wearing short skirts in public. But more importantly, it was the moment she realized where evil came from. Really. The way that one fan seemed to phase in and out of being only one man and representing thousands, irked and enlightened her.
Conglomerates. Crowds. Masses. That's how tiny bits of the inherent evil that reside in all beings can consume an entire population. Like cancer, it spreads and creates a monster.
"I love my fans dearly. I'll say that… dearly"
Amy found herself at the risk of violently sobbing in the middle of an interview. But she swallowed the feeling and forced her mind off the question. Surge seemed mildly disappointed, meanwhile, Amy was trembling. Slowly, in that infinite moment of silence following her response, Amy found the strength to continue.
"Good! Fans are what make the individual, am I right folks?" Surge prompted, and the audience responded with enthusiasm. The horrid idea of the crowd cheering on that one fan from the convention slowly rose like a bout of vomit but was forced back down swiftly.
"There are also rumors of you being in a relationship. Anything to say there?" Surge asked with a goofy look of intrigue on her face, funnily enough like a cartoon character. Amy sighed, knowing this would be an easy answer.
"I'm not, sorry!" She answered. Of course, the vague thought of Shadow flashed in her mind, which might have helped soothe her anxiety alone, if only a little. She knew no matter what the true nature of their interaction was, she was not about to drag him into anything public, as she never did when caught up in any romantic relationships, let alone simple crushes. Although, the recollection of those posts made of him online did nothing to calm her nerves.
"Aww, damn! Well, whenever that happens, it'll be a lucky guy or gal!"
There it was. The feeling of eyes plastered all over her body. From the sleazy voyeurs watching at home, proceeding to vent their "feelings" online. Amy knew of them quite well. She became more and more of an object every time her appearance was mentioned, and this was no exception. She felt her anger bubbling up, and in a moment where she was too unfocused to stop herself, she couldn't help but blurt out the truth. It came out in a long speech, one of passion and justice. A true soapbox sermon.
"Ah, because the conventionally attractive lady on the TV isn't worth the dirt she walks on without a romantic companion in her life?" Amy quipped, her voice even as the explicit silence filled the room. It was a lot. Probably too much. Surely, it was too much. She could imagine her agent reprimanding her now. But the look on Surge's face was too satisfying not to continue.
"You know, that's the exact reason why I do what I do. My books, my new ones, are an honest effort to bring attention to those types of misconceptions. One example is my new book which will be released later this year, 'Tikal: a symbol of Benevolence in Echidna History.' Which is a historical biography that explores the life and the impact of the Echidna tribe's first chieftess and how she altered history for the better by preaching altruism and kindness. She never married, never had children, and she's my damn hero!"
Now it was Amy's turn to practically crawl out of her chair. The crowd applauded again, no louder than before, but genuine passion and elation were evident in the way they did. Amy accepted their praise proudly. That is what she was looking to offer the world.
The rest of their interview went off without a hitch. Surge, groveling in her defeat, completed the interview in a professional, somewhat mild-mannered fashion. She ended the interview eloquently and even offered to promote Amy's book one last time, which Amy accepted gratefully. The cameras cut and the crew clapped as the shoot concluded. Amy got up and approached Surge modestly.
"No hard feelings, right?" Amy offered.
"What do you mean?" Surge responded in an attempt to move past it. But, it was clear in how flatly she said it that she knew exactly what Amy meant. Amy figured she could let her have this one.
"Have a good night, Surge."
On the car ride home, Amy felt like she was high from how euphoric she was. Even her driver, who usually just kept quiet with a monotone expression, noticed her change in demeanor. Amy's newfound happy thoughts easily transitioned into other happy thoughts. Thought of her elusive book-signing stranger. From the physical description to this demeanor, it was all so uncanny. It was Terios
It was as if the character had crawled straight out of her novel and introduced himself in person. Shadow looked exactly like Amy had both imagined and written Terios, and she remembered when she first wrote him, vividly.
It was one of her earlier books, back when she had just settled on the pseudonym Athena Martel. It was the first of her adult works that wasn't inspired by anything else. Her first original story. Such a happy, simple time in her life. And Terios, as one of her first characters, had always been a favorite of hers to write about. He never failed to preoccupy her mind back in those days.
Thinking further on the plot of that book, she became somewhat flustered sitting in the backseat of her driver's car. Perhaps that's also what led her to be so flustered in her meeting with Shadow, realizing all the… Intimate things she accidentally wrote him doing through Terios. She almost felt sorry about it, despite him likely having no idea about the connection. And even if he had read that book it wouldn't matter. Nobody else knew she wrote it but her and her agent. Nobody.
Regardless, he really did look straight out of her imagination. And she was holding out hope he saw her like that, in some way.
As if on cue, her phone dinged at her. But instead of the desired text, it was a notification from Amy's socials, Surge had posted something. A link…
A link to an article detailing the controversy at the bookstore. The pictures of Shadow. The outrage from Amy's fans.
Surge's comment: "It's funny how strong, independent and… How did she describe herself? A 'conventionally attractive lady on the TV' can so easily ignore hundreds of fans so she can flirt with some hottie at a book signing instead of doing her job. The hypocrisy is pungent, Amy Rose."
The screen quickly became blurry once again, and the pounding in Amy's head returned in waves and tears flowed down her cheeks.
The driver simply rolled up the partition.
"Shadow, this is just getting sad," Rouge said, carrying the laundry basket out of Shadow's room and spotting him on the couch.
It had become a weekly routine of Rouge to stop by Shadow's house and clean up anything she deemed to be "unacceptable conditions." Which was just her way of showing her love, according to Knuckles. Shadow found it unnecessary, embarrassing, and inconvenient.
However, since Shadow could do nothing to stop Rouge from cleaning his house -which he had tried- he would often repay her by helping with yard work out on her sundeck garden, as well as other odd jobs at her and Knuckles' place. This was his way of eliminating any allegations of him mooching off of anyone or of him being reliant in any way.
"What are you talking about? I did what you asked, didn't I?" he responded, pausing the TV. It was true, he took all her homemaking advice as of late if only to get her off his back, including the decluttering, the organization, and buying hand towels. But, to Shadow's surprise, Rouge set down the basket and picked the remote back up in response.
"Not this. This!" Rouge said, unpausing the TV. "You've been sweating over this girl, researching her for days but can't even work up the courage to ask her out!" She griped.
The video resumed. It was an Interview from Pulse Nexus filmed two days prior. Amy's face lit back up with the click of the remote and her smiling face resumed her sentence.
"-dearly. I'll say that… dearly."
Shadow scowled at the way Amy's face furrowed as she said that.
"Seriously, you are down bad my dude," Rouge added, noticing his expression. She tossed the remote onto Shadow's lap and lifted the laundry basket again. Shadow pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Why? Why do you say these things?" Shadow reasoned. He was about to continue watching the interview before another item was hurled at him. A glossy white book with an ornately drawn hand as a cover.
"What is this?" Shadow asked. Glimpsing at the back.
"It's one of my 'smut books' as you like to call them. I call them 'adult novels' but to each their own, I suppose," Rouge said, picking up a few stray items across the living room. "It's an older one. It was never my cup of tea but I think you'll get a kick out of it." She insisted, the last part doused in implication.
Shadow looked back at the front cover and sure enough, there was the name Athena Martel. Above it, was the title... Terios. What the hell is a Terios?
He wondered why Athena's name kept popping up out of nowhere. How many of her books did Rouge have?
"Why did you bring this to my apartment?" Shadow asked suspiciously.
Rouge opened the door to the hallway, balancing the laundry basket on her hip.
"I picked it out for you. I thought you might want something to… Well, take the edge off." Rouge gave a knowing smirk.
"Again, why must you say such things?" Shadow groaned, tossing the book to the other side of the couch.
"Because I'm funny and you should listen to me more. Anyway, I'll be back later. Just so you know, this may take a while. Knuckles should be here soon to pick me up so just let him stay here for a bit until I get back."
Shadow nodded and Rouge closed the door. He continued watching the interview, but as it was, admittedly, not his first time viewing it, the words began to blend. Despite his best efforts, his curiosity got the best of him.
He casually paused the interview and reached across the couch. He would just thumb through it, and see what Rouge meant by him getting a kick out of it.
At first, he didn't see the appeal, if anything it seemed like any normal book. The prose was surprisingly well-done, maybe. But, he quickly realized exactly why Rouge chose that book specifically, and it made him burst into flames at the thought of it.
The story did not follow the titular Terios, who coincidentally was a black hedgehog with red streaks, a cold demeanor, and tired eyes, but instead followed a young woman named Adelaide. A short, light pink hedgehog with big green eyes and short, wispy quills.
The plot? Well, a lot of things were going on that made Shadow's pulse beat ten times harder. And despite his better judgment, Shadow couldn't stop reading.
That is until he heard the rattling of the doorknob. Suddenly, Shadow was sporadically cursing Rouge and the rest of the stupid world they lived in. He quickly stuffed the book into the couch cushions and unpaused the interview again.
Shadow called to the door "Come in!" using every bit of power in his body not to let his voice break, which seemingly worked as Knuckles came in without a suspecting word.
"Hey, Shads. Is Rouge back yet?" He asked, carrying around 7 department store bags.
"No. She'll be back soon, you can set your stuff down and wait here." Shadow replied, gesturing toward the counter.
"Thanks, going shopping for Rouge is no joke. Say, the place is looking pretty good."
Shadow smiled softly and looked around at his apartment. Despite the nagging it took to get there, he couldn't help but be somewhat proud of it.
"Yeah? I guess so," he said proudly. He patted a spot on the couch next to him, specifically far away from where he buried the book.
"Thanks. What are you watching?" knuckles asked
"Interview of Rose."
"Still haven't talked to her?"
"Nope."
Knuckles patted Shadow on the back consolingly as he sat down.
"Take your time dude. It's like I said, get your shit together and do what you need to do," he assured.
"Well if that's not a refresher… Rouge, she's been-"
Their conversation was cut short by the sound of Amy's voice increasing through the speakers. She announced her book with fervor, raving about the impact she hopes it will have. Shadow watched it in admiration, adoring seeing her being so passionate. But as he remembered who he was watching with, he looked over to knuckles, curious of his opinion. Surprisingly, Knuckles' face was stone cold.
"What do you think? Do you think you'll check the book out?"
Knuckles only gave a short "hm." in response. After an awkward silence, Knuckles sighed and decided to give his two cents.
"It'll probably be fine. It's just…" He started, trying to find the words.
"Just what?" Shadows prompted after another silence.
"I don't know what kind of connections she even has to Echidna culture, let alone the tribe that I happen to be a descendent of. I don't know, maybe she has some damn good sources under her belt, and if her other books are any sign, this one will likely be well-written too but, unless it was written by an echidna, then it can only be so authentic, at least to me, you know?"
Shadow nodded his head in understanding. "That's fair. I'm… Not sure what ties she has to echidna culture." Shadow conceded, although his face hung with an odd disappointment. Knuckles picked up on it pretty quickly.
"Eh, or maybe I'm just being judgemental. I'll give it a read, she seems passionate enough for it to at least be an honest attempt, right?" Knuckles shook Shadow's shoulder, laughing heartily.
"I don't think you're being judgemental… Your concerns are valid, and you don't need me to tell you that. But, she is pretty passionate, alright." Shadow said, almost to himself. With Knuckles, the book, and the interview, all functioning almost as inspiration, his attention couldn't help but drift over to his phone.
Rouge and Knuckles eventually said their goodbyes and left, and yet Shadow's attention never left that phone, even as Rouge gave him a knowing wink on her way out. Shadow couldn't help but wonder if that was perhaps Rouge's final encouragement to leap.
After several rewrites and a couple of internal pep talks, Shadow sent his first message. The reply was instant, which was almost alarming, and yet oh so exciting.
"Definitely. It's a date."
Shadow collapsed onto the couch in relief, a smile plastered across his face, and turned his head toward the TV.
Ok, one more rewind.