Chapter 2: Highway Song
Blitz and Styx sat in the back, the former gawking at the miserable life of typical suburbia, and the latter in a moment of disassociation as the sinner focused on the daily activities of the citizens of Hell making their way into a forced construct of life. Styx wondered how many held similar lives on the concrete sidewalk down here as they did on the surface, continuing the cycle of destruction and complacency for not being better than any of the worlds around them. Blitz felt the pain of the bystanders watching them go by, with glares of ice spoken by tired eyes looking for truth. It was a look he was familiar with in the mirror, and quietly shook his head before the vehicle turned into a hidden spot near the nicer parts of the city.
"Ain't no Pentagram City, but Upurass is pretty nice." Erosa suddenly broke the constricting silence of the trip.
"That where we are?" Styx asked, continuing to look outside the window.
"Yep." The cat approved. "The least awful city in the entire top level."
As they entered a factory area of town, the sidewalks were presented with a surprising lack of blood. Only the blackened residue of oils gave way to the path to the large and empty parking space, leading into the towering funnels of smoke and suffering. The red sky hung a crimson hue over the land, and people trekked on the sidewalks with nothing better to do.
"I hear you can befriend your old boss's enemies out here." Polter suddenly piped up, affixed with the knife she sharpened slowly with a claw. "What the fuck is this circus? You wanted to kill them five days ago and suddenly it's buddy buddy?"
"It's not that." Erosa sighed. "I'm just… getting us all out of here. Besides, you saw the shit Sivah did. I'll get my revenge later."
The imp leaned towards the frown seat with a growl. "Yeah? How you gonna manage that?"
"Who knows? Maybe I'm driving you to your death."
"Depends. What client we looking to suck dick for?"
The cat paused. He turned onto a solemnly abandoned walk made of gravel. "He's… eccentric. Not in a manic depressive way, but a cartoon villain kind of way. Has a whole vibe and everything, like a whole hat and shit."
"You actually met this loony prick or not?" Blitz asked in irritability.
"We know him more than you do." Polter snarled as she returned the hostile gaze. "That answer your question?"
"Hey, what gives fuckhsia, you tickled pink to see me and now suddenly, what, you want nothing to do with me?" Blitz retorted fantastically, or what he considered fantastic as the two bared fangs of experienced killers.
"I'm not fond of botched jobs." Polter retorted. "Besides, that ghost was real. I don't mess with those."
"Oh, here we go with the ghost again." Erosa groaned. "I told you, hun. There's no such thing as ghosts down here."
"You know that was just Styx, right?" Blitz piped up, much to the mentioned sinner's disapproval and bombastic side eye.
"You WHAT?!" Polter shouted.
The car turned one last time. The metal beams of abandoned craftsmanship hung heavy over the group's head as a sign of isolation. As they came to a final stop, Styx could see what appeared to be egg-like creatures fastened with cracked smiles and blackened sockets and beady eyes. They wandered aimlessly and turned their heads in a form of fear and uncertainty.
"Hey! We're here! How great!" Erosa piped up. "Let's get out of the car everybody!"
Erosa took the lead as Polter followed close behind, with the titular sinner and imp reserving themselves to the back of the pack while holding hands. Styx quietly but immensely enjoyed the heat that radiated off their partner as they embraced the sensation of their hand pressed against another in an act of effecrion. The sinner began to think; Blitz had been rather obsessive while being simultaneously distant, such as caring about them so much but distancing himself emotionally from Styx. It was like a clear box being chained up, where there was no reason to lock the box if you know what is inside, unless you put on rose colored glasses and pray that the box only contains good memories and not flavorfully dark secrets twisted in thorns. A gentle squeeze from Blitz's hand brought Styx out of their tirade of imagination. The two shared a smile as the stairs drew closer, before they were now on a second floor with more structures.A garish door presented itself within wall down the corridor, and all parts of the group listened to their own footsteps along the way. Styx thought it odd to place your residence in an abandoned factory, although the sinner realized that they, and their imp, were now currently residing out of a motel. Styx secretly admonished Leroy the more they stared at the generic paintings lining the wall. At last they all arrived at the door with two egg henchmen.
"You must be the new yolk!" One of them sporadically announced. "Master waits for you beyond the door!"
Erosa nodded. The door swung open, and a coiling staircase met their faces. In front was a drawn out wooden floor decorated with aging ornate rugs and floral patterns across every wall. The ceiling hung high and appeared to be from the original rafters, having the original lights hanging low with sulfur bulbs having been retroactively installed. The result was a sinister warm glow made all the more intimidating when a slithering silhouette made it's way down the stairs rather unceriminoisly, and revealed a decorated serpent with a fascination of old attire and a hat that appeared to hold a pair of eyes.
"Hello, my prawns!" The serpent declared with a heartless outreach of the arms. "I am Sir Pentious, the most feared creature in all of the top ring! I'm also cool as shit, as they say, I'll have you know. You must be Erosa, hm? Similar to the god of love. A secret admirer?"
"Distant cousin." Erosa deadpanned.
The humor went over the serpent's head. "Oh, family admiration. Not my cup of tea, although I'm sure there's something important there. Now, who might you be?"
"Erosa." The black cat introduced. "The tall woman is my wife, Polter, and the red one is Blitz, the O is silent, and the light blue one is Styx, who apparently spells it with a Y when I asked."
"It's like the river!" Styx said defensively. "River Styx. It's important, okay?"
"Oh, I love visiting the River Styx!" Sir Pentious admired on his lonesome. Styx noticed that the hat had shifted again, now showing a look of loathing as if announcing the serpent's own emotions. "It's almost like family to me."
"It's good family alright." Blitz smiled as he looked at his partner, sending them both into a blush before Styx began to think about the implications of the statement and looking at Blitz with a sense of admiration, frustration and bewilderment. The imp shrugged.
"Quite!" Sir Pentious said. "But before we go any further, I must see this... gem you promised?"
"Gem?" Styx asked at their partner, who gave a subtle shake of his head as to say he was just as uncertain. Almost on cue, the two watched Polter produce the same necklace they saw fall off the owl they almost lost their lives to, and stood ghostlike. The jagged crystal glowed blue with searing white at it's edges, as if it had been broken off and was whittled down to a softer edge over time. Sir Pentious gave a gander to the gem as he looked in awe, his hat joining him in his expression for the first time.
"An Asmodean Crystal!" He shouted, taking the necklace in his hands rather abruptly before Erosa could object. "It's rather… tiny. I doubt anything this small could do much of anything for me, but it is an Asmodean Crystal! At least part of an Asmodean Crystal. Where did you find this?"
"Eh, some owl who was trying to take over the world and everything we hold near and dear to our hearts and asses." Erosa said.
Sir Pentious stared in shock with a mix of dumbfounded. "Sivah the Destroyer?! You stole the Asmodean Necklace of Truth and Consequences?!"
"Wait, that bitch actually has leverage?" Blitz asked, surprised.
"That bitch is nothing but a fraud!" Sir Pentious exclaimed. "Everyone knows I am the true genius of Hell. My machines can do far more than he and his husband ever could!"
"His husband is probably dead and we beat the crap out of him before he ran away." Styx said.
Sir Pentious blinked. "...You beat up the husband's corpse and it ran away?"
"No, the bird killed his husband and then he-" Blitz stopped and rubbed between his eyes. "Ah, fuck it. We almost killed the bitch, that's what matters."
"Almost."
"He got a second wind right as we were about to kill him." Erosa added. "Teleported a few feet away and used his magic staff to disappear. Saw the whole thing. Dropped the necklace when Blitz kicked his ass into next week."
"My goodness, you four are quite the negotiators." Sir Pentious admired. "I think we could garner up quite the deal in exchange for, uh… what exactly do you want?"
"I told you. I want work." Erosa said.
"That is a given." The frivolous snake declared. "Something as big as a small Asmodean Crystal is deserving of… what is it? Generosity? One of my goons is trying to explain it to me. I hate it, but it makes me feel good, so I continue to do it while reminding myself how cool and evil I am."
"A car would be nice." Styx chimed up. Everyone turned, recieving an open state of surprise from Sir Pentious and their hat before resting on a more bothersome expression.
"That's it?" The villain asked." One of those dubious automobiles I see going about? You wish to join the festering parade of minions who continue to burn this realm with their fossil fuels. How many fossils are down here anyway? It's absurd, but rather evil. I have none to offer unless you're willing to be exposed to my… generosity."
"Okay?" Styx trailed.
"I have been working on something quite revolutionary. You see, I felt like Hell needs an alternative energy source for less time fueling and more time doing crimes. At first I thought about something that ran on the bodies of my victims! But my minion said that was, uh, immoral. I don't know what that word means, but it sounds bad, and I like bad, but not when it happens to me, but I enjoy being nice for my own benefit. I'd rather not jeopardize that with all sorts of immortals. Immorality? So I settled on a much more reasonable source of fuel that is also plentiful: water!"
"Isn't that idea kinda dead in the water?" Polter laughed, and received approval from no souls around. She gave herself a pity-inducing high five.
"Don't be absurd. Water powered cars are the new thing!... However not really plausible right now. I settled on the bodies of my victims for the time being, because it's easier, efficient, and lowers the crime rate, so I can still be good and have more opportunities to be bad! I'm so evil!"
"Why is a regular car not okay?" Erosa asked.
"It is regular!" Sir Pentious said. "The regular parts are still in there, it just has the greatest ability to run off of your enemies! Plus, I don't really want it anymore. Hybrids aren't really in around here yet."
"So what's the point of it if it's not relevant yet?"
"The point is that I don't need a car. I am a serpentine spirit, my doinkeroos. It's an investment, and it's mine, and I am giving it to you. It's not just any car, it's the DJ Pentious Death'O'Matic Coolmobile! That will get heads turning in a few years."
"Does anyone know what's going on?" Styx asked.
"Did he just call me a doinker?" Polter added.
"I think that's a pair of tits." Blitz chimed up.
"Is it?" Styx asked with genuine curiosity.
"Of course not!" The serpentine villain exclaimed defensively. The eyes of their hat lowered in disapproval. "It's what you call your friends! I've seen all kinds of people use it."
"In what context?" Polter asked.
Sir Pentious met a palm to his face, the hat expressed distain. "Do you want it or not? I'm looking to turn the spot into an evil den. It's like a normal den but evil!"
"Sure. You mind if we go check it out?"
"As long as I keep the necklace !" Sir Pentious admired the gem.
"It's yours if we get work." Erosa declared.
"Deal. There are no keys. I hate losing them! Look for the button on the uh... steering wheel part thingy."
"Will do." Blitz said. The imp and his partner turned to leave before a long tendril of a tail sneaked around them, and Sir Pentious suddenly shoved himself between the two.
"Welcome to the menagerie." Sir Pentious said.