Chapter 6. Life Changing
It didn't take long for Lacey to tell Laura Barton everything. Her calm and kind nature impressed Lacey immediately as did her assurance that if Lacey stayed there long enough to have her baby that they would both be looked after. After being stressed while trying to stay safe and worrying about the future of her baby it felt good to have a motherly type looking out for her.
Her own mother hadn't been helpful when Lacey returned home to Wilmington, Pennsylvania for her brother's funeral. Still blaming Lacey for not preventing her brother Tom from leaving had caused a rift between her mother and herself. Even the presence of her oldest brother Terry and her sister Nancy hadn't tempered her mother's anger at her. Nancy had been sympathetic but because of her own emotional issues over her divorce wouldn't stand up to their mother. Terry, who had brought his entourage with him told her to stop being a selfish brat and apologize. As soon as Tom was buried Lacey packed up and left, leaving a note for her mother that made it clear they had nothing more to discuss. She drove to Philadelphia, rented her furnished bachelor apartment and sold her car, discarding the last piece of property that could be legally linked to her.
She poured all of this out to Laura Barton in the day after her arrival in a catharsis that seemed to last for hours. Laura listened patiently realizing that Lacey had kept this bottled up for weeks. She was exactly what Lacey needed, a sympathetic ear with no connection to her, who wouldn't judge her for things out of her control. Once Lacey had it out of her system she found her fears subsided and she was able to look forward to staying on the Barton farm for the near future.
The following day Clint landed the quinjet on the farm and brought the rest of the Avengers inside the house after the disaster of their mission in South Africa. As Laura came out and was introduced to the team Lacey held back for several minutes before coming out of her room and down the stairs.
"Hey guys," she said, raising her hand in greeting. "Surprise."
Natasha and Steve hugged her affectionately while the others expressed astonishment at finding her there.
"She needed a safe place to hide while we went on our mission," said Clint. "This place is off the books so I offered to hide her here with my family. You can still stay here Lacey, as long as you need to."
"Thanks, Clint," replied Lacey. "I'll consider that. I talked Laura's ear off yesterday and I wouldn't be surprised if she's already had enough of me."
"You can stay as long as you want," repeated Laura. "You needed to unload and I was happy to listen."
As the others milled around and Lacey looked closely at their faces she realized that something disturbing had happened to the team. Thor left almost immediately and Steve went outside to work off his frustration by splitting logs. Tony joined him and she watched from the steps as no one else seemed willing to tell her what had happened. Even Clint was unusually quiet about what went down, telling only Laura. When Laura asked Tony to get their tractor working Lacey approached Steve.
"What happened to you out there?" she asked. "You all seem shaken."
He sighed and looked at her, debating how to describe it. "We had our minds messed with," he finally replied. "A girl, maybe 18, with the ability to enter our minds and show us things that shook us. She showed me a future that I wanted, with a woman that I loved during the war but never told her. The others had more disturbing visions. Only Clint's intervention saved us. Ultron also got control of a large amount of vibranium ... enough to make a very big weapon that could cause an extinction level event. So yeah, we are shaken. We failed."
"I'm sorry," she said. "What will you do?"
"Find where he is and try again," he said. "What choice do we have?"
Tony appeared at the door and called Steve in for a meeting. Turning towards the house Steve put his hand lightly on Lacey's back, wanting her to be part of it. Inside was Nick Fury, who looked briefly at her but gave no indication they had met on her flight to the farm. He encouraged the Avengers to come up with a plan to stop Ultron explaining there was no one else capable of handling it. It must have hit a chord with them because they made the decision to return to Stark Tower and determine where Ultron had disappeared to. As they made preparations to leave Steve sat with Lacey on the couch.
"Are you coming with us?" he asked, looking intently at her.
"No, I'm going to stay here," she answered. "I feel at peace here. Laura's been a mom twice and is expecting her third. I feel like there's a lot I can learn from her on being a mom. When you beat Ultron, you get hold of me and ask me again. I'll decide then."
He hugged her. "Look after yourself," he said. "I don't have much family. Just Bucky, you and the baby."
"That's what Natasha said," replied Lacey. "That's good because I kind of broke it off with the rest of my family. They weren't giving me much support."
Steve hugged her again and stood up, smiling at her before he left the house. Lacey and Laura went out onto the porch and watched the quinjet take off and fly into the twilight. Then Laura turned to her.
"Tomorrow I see my obstetrician," she said. "I'll introduce you to him. We have to keep you healthy, don't we? Fury gave me some new IDs for you and a wedding band to wear if you want it. Your name is now Lacey Chapman. I hope that's okay."
"It's fine," said Lacey. "I'm not sure I ever want to use the Williams name again. If I can get published under the new name then I'll be good. Except maybe I'll use my initials. L.C. Chapman. What do you think?"
"Lots of authors use pseudonyms," replied Laura. "It will work out."
The next day Lacey met the obstetrician and he agreed to take her on as a patient. Her first appointment was set up for the following week. When the women returned to the farm she helped Laura can some fruit and vegetables. They laughed and talked of all manner of things and by the end of the day Lacey felt gloriously tired and slept well. It was several days before they heard anything from the Avengers and that was only when Laura got up to start the coffee and smelled Clint's aftershave. She turned around and saw him there. He embraced her, announcing he was done, retiring. Lacey came downstairs and hugged him as well, after learning what had happened. She was sorry to hear of the death of the young man who had saved Clint's life, knowing it had shaken him. She was also sorry to hear that Bruce Banner had disappeared in his Hulk persona and they had no idea where he was. Then Clint turned to her and gave her more news.
"They've moved the Avengers out of Stark Tower and into a secure compound in the countryside," he said. "Steve and Natasha are taking over training for some new recruits. He wrote a letter to you. I don't know what it says but no matter what you can stay here. I can build you a suite for you and your baby. It won't take long."
Laura rolled her eyes at that pronouncement but she repeated the offer. Lacey thanked them both and went to her room with the letter, opening it and sitting on her bed. She smiled, seeing Steve's penmanship was as nice as Bucky's. They were definitely a product of their time.
Dear Lacey,
By now you know the results of our battle with Ultron. We lost some people but we were able to prevent him from destroying the world. Natasha and I will be training our new recruits and I expect to be very busy here. You are welcome to come and live here with us but I will understand if you choose to stay at Barton's farm. You seemed much more relaxed there than you ever were in Stark Tower.
I meant what I said about you being family. If you choose to stay there I want you to call me when you're in labour and I will be at your side, helping bring your baby into the world. I owe you and Bucky that much. I will visit when I can. Until I see you, know that I think of you two often. The search for him will continue, I promise.
With the highest regards,
Steve
Lacey choked up a little bit. Steve was right. The farm felt familiar and comfortable. She wasn't sure she would fit in at the Avengers compound. Right then and there she decided to stay with the Bartons. When she told them of her decision they both hugged her and assured her they would make it work. Just at that moment Laura felt a twinge in her back. Clint noticed it and looked at her with concern, then made sure she laid down for a while. A few hours later she called him to say it was time and Lacey told them to go, that she could look after the kids. When Clint returned a few hours later and confirmed that his son Nathaniel had been born Lacey felt even more sure that this was the place she needed to be.
Over the next few months Clint was as good as his word. He built a suite, with its own bathroom for Lacey and her baby. Lacey insisted on paying him for his work but he refused, saying it would become their new bedroom if and when she moved. He built a cradle while Laura sewed bedding for it. Lacey had an ultrasound at four and a half months that confirmed it was a boy. That evening she laid in her bed and looked at the ultrasound picture then touched her abdomen. She imagined Bucky lying behind her, spooning so he could have his hand on her belly. They would look at the picture together and kiss at the prospect of their son. Try as she might she couldn't keep the tears away and she pulled a pillow close as she wept, wondering if she would ever see Bucky again.
When she told Steve he did visit and brought a box of boy things for the baby. She showed him the ultrasound picture and he told her how thrilled Bucky would have been at the technology behind it. At five months of pregnancy Lacey received an acceptance letter from a publisher for a manuscript she had submitted through her literary agent. They offered her a sizeable advance and asked her to come to New York to work with the editor. She declined, citing agoraphobia. Instead she asked if they could it edit it together online. After some back and forth with her agent as intermediary they agreed and Clint showed her how to hide their location on the computer so they couldn't be tracked. She worked with the editor for a week and they both were happy with the resulting manuscript. The editor brought up her author picture asking if they could send a photographer to take her picture. Muting her for a moment Lacey ran to get Clint.
"What do I tell her?" she asked. "I said I had agoraphobia and that I couldn't leave the house. But we can't have a strange photographer coming here either."
"I know a photographer in town," he replied. "Ask if you can provide your own professional headshot. I trust him to come out. He can take pictures of the baby and the kids. It's been a while since we had a portrait done."
Lacey ran back to the computer and unmuted the editor. "I have a photographer that I'm comfortable with," she said. "He's a professional. Can I get him to do a headshot and then send it to you electronically?"
"I don't see why not," said the editor. "I'll find out what their settings are for a photograph and email that to you."
"Thank you," said Lacey. "It's been so hard dealing with this disorder and I know it's made extra work for you. I'm so pleased that you've accommodated me."
"Well, your novel is worth it," said the editor. "I'll get that information to you as soon as possible."
Two days later the photographer came out and took pictures of the family then set up for head shots of Lacey. Clint introduced her as his cousin. He took several poses and asked what format she needed to send to her publisher. After confirming he could do it he said he would email them to her within a couple of days. When he did she sent them on to the publisher and left it to them which one they wanted. Clint set her up with a post office box a few towns away and they used that as her mailing address, knowing that the publisher would be sending out galley copies for her approval.
At seven months into Lacey's pregnancy the publisher announced the publication date of her second published book The Woolf Howled. They sent her a link to their website where it was described as a fictional account of a troubled young woman who found solace in the writings of Virginia Woolf. When she began to identify too strongly with Woolf and started to imitate her life she realized she lost herself to the mythology of the author and had to fight to regain her sanity. One critic who had reviewed a galley copy called it a bold re-imagination of the life and death of the famed author written for a modern audience. Another called it a harrowing account of losing oneself in the life experiences of another person. The book came out when Lacey was 8 months pregnant. A week later she went into labour and Clint phoned Steve before he drove her to the hospital. Steve flew a quinjet to the hospital, which Clint flew back to the house, leaving Steve his truck keys. He entered the maternity wing and told the receptionist he was there to be the support for Lacey Chapman. Realizing she recognized him he asked her not to spread it around that he was there as Lacey was a very good friend whose husband, his best friend, was missing. Smiling nicely at her she agreed to keep his visit quiet then led him to where he could change. A nurse came for him and he entered the delivery room.
"Hi sweetheart," he smiled when he entered. "I told you I would be here for you. How far along are you?"
"8 cm," she said, as another contraction started. He held her hand as she breathed through it. "It shouldn't be long before I can start pushing. Are you sure you want to be here for this?"
"I'm sure," he said. "I owe it to you and Bucky. Have you come up with a name yet?"
"I want to name him Thomas James," she said. "Thomas is my brother's name, the one that was murdered."
Steve nodded. "I think Bucky would like that," he said. "You okay with me calling him Tommy?"
She smiled then grimaced as another contraction started. Steve grasped her hand again as she breathed through it. For half an hour he told her stories of growing up with Bucky that made her smile and laugh. When a contraction happened he held her hand and helped her breath. After checking her cervix the nurse assigned to her told her that it was almost time to start pushing and she would advise the doctor. Lacey looked at Steve and started to cry.
"What's wrong?" he asked gently.
"I wish it was Bucky that was here," she admitted. "I'm glad you're here but it should be him."
"I know," he replied sympathetically. "If we had found him I would have brought him here myself. I know you wanted to wait to tell him but he would have wanted to be here as well."
Another contraction started and this one overwhelmed her making her cry. Steve did his best to calm her and the nurse ran in, hearing her cries from the hallway.
"The doctor will be here right away," she soothed. "He's just scrubbing in. I'm here to help you deal with these final contractions. They're doozies, aren't they?"
Lacey nodded and Steve wiped her tears away gently. When the next one started the nurse told her to pant and not to stop until the contraction eased. Then the obstetrician entered and put on his gown and gloves. He and the nurse talked Lacey through the next contraction and another then announced the baby's head was crowning. As the head was born after she pushed on the next contraction Lacey panted as if her life depended on it. They suctioned the airways and then asked for another push to birth one shoulder. Turning the baby slightly the other shoulder came out followed by the rest of the baby. Lacey cried out in gladness then watched as the doctor rubbed the baby's back. When the baby cried out the doctor laid him on her abdomen. Hesitantly she touched him and started to cry when he looked at her. When the umbilical cord had stopped pulsing the doctor offered Steve the scissors to cut it and he refused.
"I'm just the father's best friend," he explained. "He's missing. You cut it doc."
The doctor cut it and explained they were going to examine him, wrap him up and put a cap on him then they would bring him right back. Steve hugged Lacey.
"Did you see that hair?" he exclaimed. "That's Bucky's hair. He's beautiful, Lacey. Bucky would be so proud of you."
"I can't believe I did it," said Lacey. "That was so hard but once he was born it was like all the pain just went away."
"I'll pass on the word to Tony and Natasha that you've had the baby," said Steve. "I'm sure you'll be receiving something from them."
"No word on Bruce yet?" she asked.
"Nothing," replied Steve. "It's like he disappeared off the face of the Earth."
"I hope he's okay," she said. "Hard to reconcile that gentle man with ... you know."
"I know," replied Steve.
They brought Tommy back to her and Lacey looked at Steve. "This is where I get to breast feed him," she said. "I don't mind if you stay. I mean, you are his godfather ... you know that, right?"
"Thank you," blushed Steve. "If you're okay with me being here I would like to stay for a little longer."
The nurse showed Lacey how to offer the breast to the baby and get him to latch on. Steve stayed, while averting his eyes as she and the nurse worked out the logistics. When Tommy finally started successfully nursing he put his hand on Lacey's shoulder.
"You'll be a great mother," he said softly.
After assisting Lacey with the feeding and the afterbirth, the nurse announced she would be moved to a hospital room soon. Lacey asked if he wanted to hold Tommy before she was moved and he smiled, then let the nurse show him how to do it. Steve kissed him on the head and stood up walking around with the baby for several minutes, talking softly to him.
"I have to go," he said reluctantly after his time with the baby. "I wish I could stay longer."
"It's okay," replied Lacey. "Clint and Laura will take care of us. Thank you for being here."
He gave Tommy back then bent over and hugged her, kissing both of them on the head. Leaving the room, he changed out of the scrubs and drove Clint's truck back to the farm. Laura made him something to eat and he told them about the birth. He also filled them in on what was happening at the Avengers compound. His face must have shown something as Clint looked sharply at him.
"What else is going on?" he asked.
"There are rumours that the Avengers are going to be put under the control of the United Nations," said Steve. "The feeling is that we have too much freedom to go on missions and that we're not capable of determining which missions require our attention. They want an oversight committee to decide for us."
"That's bullshit," said Clint. "Sometimes you have minutes to get out there. You can't be waiting for an oversight committee to decide for you."
"Exactly," said Steve. "Tony is really pushing for it. It's caused some friction between us. If we don't agree to it then we have to retire."
"Good thing I'm already retired," replied Clint. "Keep us posted. Any word on Lacey's situation?"
"I had a visit with the FBI agent in charge of her brother's case," said Steve. "I didn't say anything to her as the guy is a bit of a jerk. He demanded to know where she is. Apparently he still thinks she's planning to meet up with Bucky somewhere. I told him she's in seclusion. There is still a powerful Russian criminal who wants to make an example of her."
"She stays with us, then," said Barton firmly. "Poor kid."
Steve finished eating and stood up. He thanked Laura for the meal and walked outside with Clint to the quinjet.
"This UN thing is going to get messy," said Steve. "It could tear us apart."
"You know, I respect Tony," said Clint. "But when he gets on his high horse he just doesn't see anyone else's point of view. I guess that's what happens when you're a genius."
Steve didn't respond but he did shake Clint's hand and the latter man watched as the quinjet rose into the sky and flew off. He was well out of it and glad that he was. His life revolved around his family now and he liked being a farmer.
Neither Clint nor Laura said anything to Lacey about the FBI agent or the problems at the Avengers compound. It was just as well as she was consumed by baby Tommy and by the response to her book. With Laura's guidance Lacey learned how to be a mom. Never in her life did she think she could ever love someone as much as she loved this baby. As Tommy's eye colour came in and the bright blue of his father's eyes developed she was glad she decided to proceed with the pregnancy. When she wasn't looking after him she was learning how to be a farmer, insisting that she earn her keep. Clint taught her how to drive the tractor and how to plant crops, sharing everything he knew about running a farm.
In the meantime Lacey's book was selling reasonably well, even internationally as foreign language editions were published. The post office two towns away called to say she had fan mail that needed to be picked up. Clint drove out to get it and brought back a mail bag full of letters. Lacey was flabbergasted. Her first book had some good reviews but she never received a single fan letter and made only the minimum from the first and only print run. She began to read some of the letters and was touched by the sentiments in them. Realizing that some of the writers had poured their hearts out to her she began to answer the letters, writing responses on her laptop, printing them off, signing them and sending them off.
One morning when Tommy was almost eight months old Clint came up to Lacey's room and knocked on the door. She opened it to his grim face.
"You better come downstairs," he said. "There's something on the TV that you should see." Picking Tommy up she followed him to where Laura was watching a news channel. "There's been an incident in Nigeria. The Avengers were trying to stop a HYDRA cell from stealing a biological weapon. It went wrong and there was an explosion that killed several people. They're blaming the Avengers for it and actually want to arrest one of them, Wanda. She's just a kid."
"What will it all mean for them?" asked Lacey.
"They want to put the Avengers under the control of an oversight committee," said Clint. "It means they can't respond to anything without someone's say so. You know yourself that sometimes the fight comes to them. They wouldn't even be able to defend themselves without permission."
"How are the team taking it?" she asked. "Have you heard anything?"
"Steve told us when he was here for the birth that it was rumoured then and it was causing friction," replied Clint. "I can't see it getting better."
Lacey watched the coverage for some time until they all decided to turn it off. She decided to answer some letters and dug into the latest mail bag. After answering six letters she pulled out one more and looked at her name written on the envelope. The writing was familiar and she opened the envelope noticing a picture fall out face down on the floor. Picking it up she gave out a cry and Clint came running.
"What is it, what's wrong?" he asked.
"Bucky," she whispered. "He wrote me a letter."
Clint looked at the picture seeing a long haired man with bright blue-grey eyes and unshaven face. He glanced at Tommy, noticing the eyes of the father were the same as the boy's. The longer he looked at the picture of Bucky the more he realized he was looking at a man trying to find himself. He seemed vulnerable and alone. Lacey was reading the letter, her face absorbing every word. Then she looked up at Clint.
"He saw a poster of me in the window of a book store," she said, her voice tight. "He bought my book and read it. He's proud of me for persevering in my writing and hopes that I'm happy."
"Where's the envelope postmarked?" he asked.
She looked at the marking on the envelope. "Romania," she replied. "He must be there. We have to tell Steve."
"I will," said Clint firmly. "Is there anything else in the letter that gives a hint where in Romania?"
Lacey scanned it again while Clint looked closely at the picture to see if any landmark stood out.
"Nothing, except that he goes to a large market in the centre of the city," she noted. "He says city, not town or village."
"Could be Bucharest," guessed Clint. "HYDRA might have had abandoned safe houses there that he could hide in."
Clint left to contact Steve while Lacey studied the picture. Bucky's hair was still long but he looked almost the same. The biggest difference from when she last saw him was he seemed tired and sad in the picture. She picked Tommy up and walked outside with him. Looking out over the farm she lowered her face to Tommy's and breathed in his baby smell. He reached out with his hand and touched her face. Somehow they would find Bucky, and unite father and son. Somehow they would be a family.
That night she laid in bed, looking more closely at Bucky's picture. His eyes seemed haunted and she wondered who had taken the picture that caught him in such a vulnerable pose. She focussed on his beautiful lips, remembering them on her own and wondered if she would ever feel them on her again. After a few more minutes gazing at him she put the picture in her nightstand drawer and turned off the bedside lamp. Wishing on a picture wouldn't find him, nor would it bring him back to her. Only fate would do that.