Chapter Five

Just then, Patrick woke up lying on sand. When he sat up, Rook was laying on him. The storm was gone and the sun was shining.

Rook said "Whoa. I didn't see that coming."

The two of them stood up, noticing they're stranded on some tropical island.

Patrick asked "Do you think we're on one of the Ryukyu islands?"

"I'll check." Rook pulled out his wet iPhone from his pants' pocket. But it was all wet due to his nearly-drowning times in the sea. "Oh, shit. My phone's all wet. It's no good like this."

Just then, Patrick realized something's missing. He said "Hey. Where's Buzz?"

Before anything else happened, they found Buzz twenty feet away from them. He was lying down, carrying an empty coconut and surrounded by five more coconuts.

Patrick ran to Buzz with Rook following him. "Buzz. Hey. Buzz, are you okay?"

Then Buzz sat up fast, startling the two, and slurred "KABOOM!" He sniffled "Where's the kaboom? There should be an earth-shattering kaboom. That lighting, when it did a boom-boom? That sounded like an earth-shattering kaboom."

"You okay, man?" asked Rook.

Buzz replied "One minute you're just doing errands to get a bleh-bleh to a cankerous whore! And suddenly you find yourself sucking down dairy products from… a bunch of coconuts. Oh, where's Harry Potter? I think he's late for pottery school. Or was it Mrs. Potts."

Buzz laughed as he flopped back on the sand. That didn't quite make sense to Patrick or Rook. It was like he's gotten drunk all of a sudden.

"What is he talking about?" puzzled Patrick.

"I think he drank too much sea water during that storm." said Rook.

"He acts like this when he drinks salt water?"

"In a way, yeah. Buzz is sodium intolerant; it makes him act this way, like being drunk." Rook helped Patrick pull Buzz back on his feet. "Let's just get a move on, Buzz-"

Then Buzz interrupted by shouting "Don't you get it?! You see that hat?! You smell the pants?!" He opened his pants to show the inside to his friend, which made them wince away with disgust. "I'm the superhero in a cape and underwear! I have a stupid that makes the villains laugh! I am Captain… Poopy-pants! Tra-la-POOP!" He began cackling like a lunatic.

Annoyed with the crazy madness, Patrick yelled "Snap the fuck out of it, Buzz!" He whacked him on the head with an empty coconut.

With his sanity coming back, Buzz shook his head to snap out of it completely. "I-I-I- I'm sorry." he said in his normal self. "But yeah, I just drank sea water, that's all. Nothing too serious, guy. I-I'm doing okay right. Everything's fi…. Uh, oh. I think I'm-" Then he heaved down, barfing water on the sand, possibly with having a sore stomach. "Damn, that was nasty."

Buzz's sanity was coming back. That was good news for the other two. However, Rook was now enraged about remembering everything about why he ended up on the island in the first place.

"Six years…." he said. Rook looked at Patrick with a pissed off expression. "For six goddamn years, we've befriended you, supported you, stood up for you, apologized for you, and this is what we get in return! Dragged down with you on your sinking ship! A nice, comfy deck sofa on the SS Patrick! Aye-aye, cap'n! I hope you're happy."

Patrick said "I'm not! I wanted to-"

"It's not about getting Chelsea a gift!" Rook interrupted. "It's about your idea of adventures!"

"Idea?! It's a promise! We made this promise after our graduation from grade six! You even gave your word for it!"

Taking no more chances to hid it, Rook confessed "That was a lie when I said we should! I hate being outside! I didn't want to make you feel bad, but this kind of adventure is something too difficult for people like us to try! And you were willing to do this!"

"You think I had a choice?!" argued Patrick. "I was sick and tired for living like some loser! I was picked on, treated like trash, and Chelsea was the only person outside of my family who took pity on me!"

But then, Rook staggered "Don't talk about HER taking pity! Because WE felt bad for you the moment you crashed into our lives! And you're trying to be some hero like this?! How idiotic can you possibly be?!"

Patrick widened his eyes when Rook said that to him. He looked down, kneeling on the floor and said "You're right. I am an idiot. Thinking, maybe, I can do something heroic just to change my life. But I didn't think it would be this difficult. What's wrong with me?"

Rook threw an empty coconut at Patrick's head. "What's wrong with you?! You tell me!" he exasperated. He threw another empty coconut at him for a second time. "Ever since you dragged us, you've ignored everything I said. And now look where we are. We're stranded, we're lost, we're thousands of miles from home, I'm getting homesick and none of our phones work while they're wet."

"You're right." Patrick sat on the sand with sorrow sipping into his heart. He flopped on the sand and said "This is the end for us. We've got nowhere to go and I'll never see Chelsea's boobs again."

"Yeah," Buzz added, "and I'd be more upset if this place doesn't have internet or cable."

"Wait." Patrick said, realizing something. "Buzz. Did you eat a bowl of tiny cellphones back in Japan?"

"Oh yeah."

Buzz tried to poop the cell phones out, but it was getting difficult. He began punching himself, hoping to force them out, but still no avail. With no other option, he decided to use his butt muscles. Buzz performed small dance moves, thinking it would dial a phone in his butt. Then, somehow, one of the small phones in Buzz's rear started to ring.

"It's ringing!" said Patrick. He kneeled down to face Buzz's butt. "Can't believe I'm doing this."

Through Buzz's butt, a woman's voice said "911 emergency."

"Hello?" asked Patrick. "Can you-" Suddenly, Buzz farted on Patrick's face and it broke the phone. He coughed "Oh my god!"

Buzz chuckled "Sorry."

Patrick shook in anger and yelled in frustration "Ah! FUCK my life!" He kicked Buzz into the sand. "I'm out of here!" He walked into the jungle by himself. "This was a stupid idea."

Buzz and Rook were left behind on the beach. Rook began to feel sorry for his friend.

"I think I was too hard on him." said Rook.

"Well I-" But, before he would say something, Buzz got his eye on something behind Rook. He saw some kind of llama with black fur and ibex-like horns rising from the sand. It eyed at him with a snarling face drooling acid. Buzz hesitated for something to say to Rook whose back was turned on the beast.

Puzzled, Rook asked "What?"

"Rook," asked Buzz, "is it possible to find llamas here?"

"Uh, no. Llamas are native in South America, so there's no way could find any in Asia."

"What about a… demon llama?"

"Demon llama? What did I just say-" Rook turned around, before he could finish, and he just noticed the demon llama. He shouted "Holy sock puppet in a sausage factory!"

"Run!" yelled Buzz.

Buzz and Rook ran for their lives away from the demon, but three more rose from the sand, blocking their way out.

Back with Patrick, he was still walking until he found himself in a dead end. A forty-foot rocky wall was in his way.

"Great." Patrick said being sarcastic. "Somebody, just, wake me up from this nightmare." He walked over the island some more and realized that island was a paradise. Looking at it all, he was beginning to feel relaxed all of a sudden. "Wow! This place is a paradise. The sun is so warm." He touched the water. "The water is so clear. The sand..." Patrick stepped over the sand several times. "...it's like diamonds beneath my feet. The sound of the wind sounds so sweet like-" Then he heard screaming coming from afar. Patrick knew that was his friends screaming. "My friends? In a PANIC!?"

Back on the beach, Rook and Buzz were completely surrounded by demon llamas. And they all looked very hungry.

"Wait." Rook told the demon llamas. "We have no quarrel with you."

But Buzz wasn't afraid anymore. He built up his courage and stepped forth. "What are we afraid of stupid llamas for?" he said. "We're at the top of the food chain, for crying out loud. I got this." Buzz bravely walked to one of the demon llamas and scolded "Hey, spit face! You ain't got the power over me! I'm a grown-ass man, so I'm the one who does the-"

But then, the demon llama headbutted him on the forehead back to Rook, knocking him out. "Holy shit dude," said Rook, "you okay?"

"Hot wings." said the dizzy Buzz.

Just then, Patrick charged to push away the demon llamas, but they pushed "him" to Rook and Buzz.

"I hate my plans." Patrick complained.

It looked like this is the end for the trio. Being food for the evading demon llamas. Suddenly, a grappling claw picked them up into the air and carried them away by a seaplane therefore saving them from the demon llamas.