Chapter Eight
All the way back in Ottawa, Chelsea laid on her bed being so worried for Patrick for he's been gone for a long time. She picked up her iPhone for a chance to call him. But no answer.
Chelsea sighed and said "Oh, I hope he's okay. But where is he?"
"Perhaps, I can help." said the voice coming from within Chelsea's bedroom. She looked at the wall, noticing Akuma revealed himself from the shadows.
"Who are you?" Chelsea asked.
Akuma replied "Settle down, my dear. We never met, but I've come to make a deal."
Back in London, the gang were in a fancy French restaurant. Buzz laid in the middle of a table being tongue-kissed by a French waitress for some reason.
Buzz objected "Hold on. We don't even know each other."
"How about you zip that mouth and be quiet." the waitress said in a French accent and continued smooching. Buzz, on the other hand, had his hand on a couple's soup bowl.
One of the couples yelled "Garcon! There seems to be a couple in our soup!"
Just then, Patrick came over and told the waitress in French "Uh…. Il a beaucoup de crabes de pénis."
With disgust, the waitress went away freeing Buzz, and he went back with Patrick to the table where Rook sat.
"Thanks, Patrick." said Buzz. "That woman was a real hooker."
Patrick replied "Anytime, man. But we still have to find the second piece. And we need to ask today's date."
"We will." said Rook, trying to calm his friend down. "We just need a quick bite to eat. We had nothing back on the plane."
Patrick wanted to calm down, but since the gang were washed away and stranded for god knows how long, this was urgent. Chelsea's birthday party starts on June 12th.
Just then, the lights went out, and the restaurant's stage was performed by Elmo from Stardust Academy years ago, but still wearing clothes in green. He was playing the accordion.
Elmo sang "Rumours, rumours, in France it's called frommage. It isn't a mirage." For his humour, he continued singing "Baguette, baguette, it looks just like a DICK! You bake it in the oven and it smells just like SHIT! Because France's favourite food is DICK BABY NAZI ASS CHEESE POWDER FART!"
Just after he stopped singing and playing the accordion, he laughed for saying those lines. The audience had a long pause in shock and then applauded in amazement.
"Hey, Elmo!" Rook yelled for Elmo as he waved his hand.
"Hey there, guys!" said Elmo before leaving the stage. He came over to the trio, being so happy to see his friends and sit there for a chit-chat.
Patrick said "Dude. It's good to see you again. We haven't seen you since you moved away to Argentina."
"I know." said Elmo. "Argentina isn't so bad, but my mom and I were short on cash. And that's why I came here. To play the accordion." Then he threw his accordion and it fell into a bowl of soup where the couple from before sat.
One of the couples yelled "Garcon! I said no accordions in our soup!" Then some waiter threw plates at his face, knocking him unconscious.
"Eh garcon," said the woman, "there's a man in our soup."
Annoyed, for whatever reason, the waiter said "That's it. I quit." He walked out of the door.
"Hey Elmo," said Patrick, "can you tell us what date it is?"
"Oh, that's easy." Elmo replied. "Today's June 12th."
Patrick gasped and cried "June 12th?! We're gonna be too late!"
Just then, Patrick saw something through the restaurant window. He gasped when he saw Akuma outside, sending the British police to enter the French restaurant the trio's in.
"Oh no!" said Patrick in horror. "It's Akuma! Get down!"
The whole gang, including Elmo, swiftly hid under the table before the cops came inside. The police weren't sure where the boys were, so they began to look through the place.
Elmo asked "What's got into you, Patrick?"
"We've got cops coming after us." replied Patrick.
"Now there's cops?" asked Buzz. "Who's idea was it to-"
"You are the one who decided to get in here. Now shut up and hide."
The gang split up to their own hiding place. Patrick and Rook chose to stay underneath the table, Buzz ran off to hide somewhere else, but Elmo didn't know where to go.
"SHIT!" he said. Elmo sneaked off but approached a French woman and her son.
The French woman asked Elmo "Waiter, do you work here? We ordered crab legs."
Noticing the police captain's approach, Elmo replied "Why…. Yes you did, they're right here."
"Pardon me, waiter." said the police captain. He showed a picture of the trio to Elmo. "But have you, perchance, seen these three Canadians? They're charged for crossing borders without IDs."
Elmo looked a little nervous at the policeman, but the French woman interrupted by asking "Our crab legs?"
"One moment, officer." said Elmo.
Elmo opened a lid off of a plate but was shocked to find Buzz in it. Buzz quickly noticed and pretended to be a crab to avoid being noticed.
"Eesh." the captain said. "Your food looks…. Delicious." The captain appeared to be stupid for not telling if Buzz was pretending to be a crab.
The boy tried to rip Buzz's left arm off, but no avail. "Mama," he said, "the crab legs won't come off."
"You must first crack the shell." said the mother.
She handed her son a nutcracker. The boy cracked some of Buzz's fingers with the nutcracker and began biting them while tears began running down Buzz's face.
"By Jove," grinned the captain, "your food is cooked so fresh, it's still crying. May I try a bite?"
"Please," replied the mother, "it is too much for us."
"Thank you, miss." The captain cracked some fingers from Buzz's other arm with his hands and took small bites of them. He told Elmo "Hmmm. Blimey, it's tender."
Elmo replied "It's our, uh…. Most famous dish. And it's on special."
"Mates," the captain called, "you must come over and try this crab!"
Watching from underneath the table, Patrick and Rook needed to get Buzz out of there and fast. Just then, they got an idea. They took two hats from drunk policemen and put them on to make them look like cops.
They came over to the captain and Patrick spoke in a British accent "Cap'n, sir. We've searched everywhere. Those Canadian blokes must've escaped this place."
"Very well." the captain replied. He turned to Elmo "We shall return tonight, for dinner! And make sure you have plenty of stuffed crabs and crab fingers." He turned to address his men the update of the mission. "Gentlemen, move along! Check the next restaurant!"
With the policemen heading out, Patrick and Rook took their hats off and threw them away. Buzz started crying while Elmo slapped his arm out of the child's hand.
"You okay, man?" Rook asked.
Crying softly, Buzz moaned "Take me back to the ocean."
"Come on, dude." said Patrick in his regular voice and pulled him off the plate. "Be quiet and we can get out of here."
"Wait a minute!" said the captain before his men would leave the building. "Something doesn't make sense. Crabs don't have FINGERS!"
Buzz screamed and hugged Patrick in fear "DON'T LET THEM EAT ME!"
The captain ordered "Open fire!"
The cops started shooting at the gang, knocking down many plates and glasses. They ran outside and approached someone's car in the back. As Rook wrapped Buzz's hands with towels he took from the restaurant, Elmo broke the car's window to unlock for them.
"Get in!" he said as he unlocked the door. "I'm hotwiring this thing!"
They got in the car while Elmo tried hotwiring the car.
Buzz shouted "I can't go to jail with broken hands!"
Elmo succeeded and the engines started to run. "Got it. Now BUCKLE THE FUCK UP! It's gonna be a bumpy ride."