It was almost two am when Kakashi came home from a week-long mission. His chakra reserves were low–he'd had to use the sharingan excessively–and he was covered in dust and sweat. All he wanted to do was shower and curl up in his bed with a dog or two at his side.

What he didn't expect was a wet gurgling sound coming from his doorstep.

"Hello?"

The silver-haired toddler on his doorstep did not respond.

Looking around, Kakashi picked the child up, carefully ignoring the resemblance the toddler bore to him.

"How did you get here?"

The toddler patted his face, curiously trying to pull down his mask.

Kakashi had half a mind to just set the child back down and see if it went away if he ignored it long enough but it was autumn and the nights were cold. Kakashi might not be overly fond of children but he was not just going to let one die on his doorstep.

Too tired to deal with whatever was happening right now, Kakashi turned and walked to the village orphanage at a civilian pace.

By the time he arrived, the toddler had already soaked the lapels of his uniform vest in spit. It would be disgusting if Kakashi didn't have eight dogs and was used to spit landing everywhere.

He sat the kid down on the doorsteps of the orphanage, knowing that this was not the first or last child delivered here in such a way.

With the child in place and the doorbell rang, Kakashi made his way back home, only glancing back once to make sure the child stayed put in front of the door.

After a hot shower, Kakashi sunk onto his bed and rolled beneath his cover with a sigh. He was too tired at this point to summon any of his dogs so he simply closed his eyes and dozed off.

—-

Not long after falling asleep, Kakashi was woken by a shuffling at his door. Either there was an intruder in front of his door, or one of Konoha's many street animals had once again made it into the apartment complex.

It was unlikely to be an intruder. He's had his name in the bingo books since he was eleven. One does not simply kidnap an S-rank leaf ninja from their bed.

With an annoyed grumble, Kakashi turned to his side and resolved to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later the noise was back.

Rubbing his eyes in frustration, Kakashi stood up and opened his apartment door to be greeted by thin air.

Something touched his leg and Kakashi looked down into big red eyes. The toddler was back.

How the hell was the toddler back?

"Wa!" the toddler greeted him.

"No," Kakashi replied.

This seemed to be an invitation to the child, who promptly crawled into Kakashi's apartment.

"This isn't your home, kid!" Kakashi hissed, "You can't stay!"

Ignoring him, the toddler crawled over to one of his ninken's beds and promptly fell asleep in it.

Kakashi was too tired for this bullshit.

"You're going to the orphanage tomorrow," he told the sleeping kid before heading back to his own bed.

—

Kakashi woke to a small body pressed against him. Realizing Pakkun must have made an appearance during the night, he pulled the small pug closer, nestling his face in his soft fur.

As soon as he inhaled, Kakashi knew something was wrong. Pakkun always had a slight minty smell to him–brought on by his favourite shampoo–but whatever he was smelling was decidedly not mint.

Opening his eyes, Kakashi saw the toddler that he could have sworn he last saw in Bisuke's bed.

"What?"

The toddler remained fast asleep against his chest, one hand holding onto his sleepwear.

It wasn't often that Kakashi was at a loss for what to do. These kinds of situations called for backup.

"What's up, boss?" Pakkun asked as he was summoned into Kakashi's bedroom.

Upon seeing the toddler, the ninken added, "Good job, boss."

"What? No, I didn't make it."

"Given that he looks and smells like you I am pretty sure you did. Congratulations, you're a dad."

And thus Kakahi involuntarily found himself with a son.