CHAPTER 4- Impulses

Bruce went golfing instead.

Despite how her jaw had clenched in frustration and disappointment when he told her about his tee time, she faked it. Susan tried to fake that familiar cheery disposition that she'd had for most of her life because it honestly wasn't worth the inevitable fight.

It was nearly impossible to convince herself or, she found later that afternoon, Trina that everything was going to be okay, though. She could see it on her friend's face, even as she invited them to go out dancing at the new disco in town, and felt it when the other woman comfortingly squeezed her hand as she left. Susan found it even harder when the thrill of bumping into Roger at the grocery store only a few hours later, and then going back to his and Janet's house afterward to help him out with dinner, was just as exciting as all of the kisses that she and Trina had shared.

With Roger, it felt more predictable, and familiar. Having those feelings were less intimidating with a man, and more acceptable in the eyes of the society that they lived in, even though both of them were married. With Trina? She still had so many questions. There were so many obstacles and so many taboos. Anything coming of it, even though she very clearly harbored some kind of feelings for the other woman, seemed so insurmountable that it felt impossible. Maybe that was why whatever she felt for Roger, her stupid crush, was all that more tempting. Even if it made her a coward for choosing the easier route.

Susan felt trapped by and her own constantly teetering indecision.

It was nearly half past five when Susan arrived home later that day, having taken the scenic route on her way back from the Thompson's. Bruce was already there, his golf clubs sitting on the third step of the staircase in the entryway, and she was just barely able to lose herself in the task of making a quick dinner of fish fingers for them.

By the time he came downstairs after showering, Susan easily ignored the fact that she nearly cried in relief when Bruce agreed that going out dancing with the Deckers instead of staying in playing scrabble was his preferred way to spend the rest of their evening. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts all night, it was too dangerous, and the best place to do that was in a club.

Thankfully, he seemed to need the distraction almost as much as she did.

"Are you almost ready?" she asked him, busy securing an earring in her left ear as she walked back into their bedroom.

Bruce looked up from his spot sitting on the bed, fastening the buttons on the sleeves of one of his flashier dress shirts. His shoes were already on and the new black blazer that he'd asked her to pick up for him a few weeks ago was laid out neatly next to him.

"Just about," he grinned, his gaze widening slightly as it trailed down her body, "Look at you."

Susan smirked back at him, chuckling as she quickly fastened her other earring, "You like it?"

"What's not to like?" he asked her playfully.

She heard the familiar creak of their bed frame as he got up, but was already deep in their closet picking out a pair of shoes to go with the light blue wrap dress that she'd chosen earlier. So, she wasn't surprised when his arms wrapped around her waist as she straightened back up, a strappy pair of silver heels in her grasp.

Susan let herself lean back against his chest, her heart aching at the familiar feeling of his body against hers. Why wasn't this enough for her anymore? Why wasn't he enough?

Bruce trailed his lips up the side of her neck and, though she knew that losing herself in the moment and allowing him to continue his exploration would be simple, she turned in his arms and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him instead. A just barely noticeable moan rumbled through him and he tried to deepen it right out of the gate, but Susan chose to not let their kiss linger. She still had a few things to do before they left.

Smiling sweetly up at him, she rested the palm that wasn't still holding her forgotten shoes against his chest and lightly pushed him away, "Why don't you put on some of that cologne of yours? It's going to be a long night."

He chuckled, and backed away slowly toward their dresser, where the bottle resided next to the television, "Does that mean you're going to put on some of that perfume I like too?"

Susan hadn't been planning on it, but it couldn't hurt.

"You'll have to wait and see," she teased, sliding past him before he had a chance to try and reach out for her again, already making her way back down the hall to put some of the fragrance on.

As soon as she was out of sight though, her smile fell, and the ache in her heart that had appeared while she was in his arms- the one that missed what they once had- grew stronger. Susan entered the bathroom and leaned heavily against the sink. Vaguely, she heard the sound of him shuffling around in the bedroom next door and knew that she had to move past it, and quickly, if they were going to leave on time.

Forcing herself to take a deep, steadying breath, only when she had tucked all of those messy emotions neatly away was she able to look herself in the eye in the mirror and reach for the bottle of her second favorite perfume stashed among a few others on the silver tray that she kept on the counter top. Out of habit, Susan dabbed her wrist, put the bottle back, and then rubbed them together before sliding one along either side of her neck.

She could do this. They were going to have a fantastic night.

###

It was easy to fall back into old patterns with him once they made their way over to the Decker's. The excitement of it all, the dancing, the drinking, the laughing. She found it comforting.

What she hadn't expected was Tom's offer to go home with them later that night. She and Bruce hadn't talked about the possibility of swinging again since their last failed attempt with Brad and Sylvia. They'd been too distracted and, surprisingly, sex with her husband was probably the only thing that she still considered good between them. But, swinging? That had made her feel closer to him, connected to him in a way that she'd longed for during most of their relationship. So, when Tom and Trina asked, she said yes without overthinking it.

They hadn't even bothered with more drinks after arriving back in their neighborhood. They only had one thing on their minds and Susan was happy to let herself be led out back by Trina, smiling flirtatiously over at Tom and Bruce as the four of them stripped and jumped into the pool one by one.

Things started out playfully, first spending a few minutes cooling down as they swam and even briefly chased each other. From there, the vibe quickly changed, and before Susan realized what was happening Tom had caught her and pulled her into a kiss. She allowed herself to get swept away in the feeling. He held her closely, his sure palms leaving tingling trails as they glided down her body.

Susan fully recognized, even in the moment, that the quualudes they'd all taken earlier were what was really making everything feel so floaty and magical. But, the moon, the gentle breeze fluttering in the trees, the cool water, Tom's caresses- it was all so perfect. Who could blame her for enjoying it?

It got better, though.

Somewhere through her haze, Susan heard Bruce chuckle nearby, quickly followed by a little splash.

"Come here, big boy," Trina said to him, the sudden flow of water against the back her legs and hips telling Susan that they'd moved directly behind her.

Without realizing it, both she and Tom reached out for her at the same time. Once Susan sobered up, she would deny it and convince herself that she was searching for her husband, but that would be a lie. In that moment, she desperately wanted to feel the other woman's skin against hers. Yes, they'd kissed during their first encounter on the fourth of July and even had a few lingering moments of deliberate contact throughout the rest of that evening, but she longed for something more tonight. Susan wanted to feel herself pinned between Tom's strong, lean body, and the ultimate contrast of Trina's smaller, curvier one. And, that was exactly what she got.

Susan gasped when Trina's back suddenly made contact with her own, and finally her hand found purchase on the other woman's hip. Her grip tightened, anchoring her friend in place, and only when Trina's hand found her own a few seconds later, twining their fingers together, did Susan feel the exact kind of connection that she'd been craving.

Swaying slightly, she whimpered as Tom broke their kiss and moved his attentions down her neck, his ever wandering touch sliding between her legs. Normally, she would have been shocked by the amount of slickness that he found there, especially in the water, but there was just something about evenings with the Deckers that always seemed to put her in the mood.

Behind her, Trina gasped, letting out a breathy chuckle at the same time that she suddenly let go of Susan's hand. She was startled at the movement, but quickly realized what was happening the moment that the other woman was lifted up in the air and both her friend and husband moaned at the same time.

Susan felt a flush fan across her chest. If she was honest, that alone, just the sound of them, and the feel of Trina slowly sliding back down the length of her spine, probably would have been enough to get her going.

Without thinking, Susan lifted one leg and wrapped it around Tom's hip, encouraging him to follow Bruce's lead as she pulled him back into a heated kiss. He understood the assignment. Tom gave her one last swipe of his fingers, one last tease, not quite where she wanted him, but just enough to give her a little thrill before taking his already hard prick into his own hand. She felt him give himself a few short strokes, the backs of his knuckles brushing up against the softness of her stomach, before eagerly positioning himself at her entrance.

Susan moaned.

It may have just been her buzz, but Tom sliding into her, even at what felt like a snails pace, along with the curve of Trina's backside rocking against her lower back, their slippery skin sliding together sensually underwater. It felt like coming home.

Wrapping both arms around his neck, Susan sank into him, and held on. She let her body take over- moving, sighing, and even a bit of playful groping- basking in every sensation that she possibly could. Occasionally, she felt an extra set of masculine fingers dancing down her side, or over a hip. It felt accidental, but she didn't have time to think about it, not when Tom was moving so sinfully against her, and not when Trina leaned her head back onto Susan's shoulder and moaned into her ear with each of Bruce's thrusts.

Susan was in heaven.

All good things must come to an end, though.

Tom had just increased his pace, rubbing parts inside of her that left little sparks of color exploding behind her closed eyelids, when it started. That telltale, pleasant burn, the familiar tension that she craved, began to build. She could feel it in him as well, nearly vibrating through his entire body, and in the voracity of his kisses. Their mouths slid together, messy and hot, his carefully crafted control clearly slipping the closer that he got. By the time Susan was hovering just at the precipice of finally letting go, Trina gasped and reached back for her, or maybe she was reaching for Tom, but all of a sudden the only thing she could feel was the dainty hand desperately gripping the outside of her upper thigh.

Susan met her climax first.

She floundered, struggling for breath as her pleasure hit her hard and quick. Her vision briefly dimmed and she was almost certain that she accidentally dug her nails into Tom's shoulders way too hard. He didn't seem to mind though, in fact, he wasn't far behind her. Susan just barely registered his straining grip on her waist as his tempo broke, but she definitely felt him grinding desperately into her with each staggered stroke, before eventually slowing to a stop.

Susan held him closely as they recovered, letting out a giggle as she relaxed into him and caught her breath. They hadn't gotten to share a moment like this before. It had never been just the two of them, naked and vulnerable, while their spouses were still entangled in each other. She took the rare opportunity to run her fingers through the damp hair at the base of his neck, before nudging his head back up so that she could kiss him softly, slowly. It was beautiful. Different. Intimate in a way that she hadn't realized she longed for, or thought she could even have, with him. In fact, Tom was still inside of her as both Bruce and Trina seemed to finally reached their peaks together about half a minute later. The younger woman groaned and whimpered loudly in her release, free in a way that Susan admired, especially being outside in a busy, relatively close built part of town.

The four of them lingered as Trina calmed and practically melted back into her. None of them seemed to want to pop the hazy bubble that had formed around them in the pool. Once they moved and untangled themselves, the night would be over. The atmosphere would change. Susan, for one, didn't want that happening. She would have been happy to float in the little world that they'd created for the rest of the night if she could.

Soon though, Tom slipped out of her, and the illusion shattered. Trina murmured something to Bruce and the warmth that she'd created by resting against her disappeared along with the sound of water sloshing behind her. Susan's legs shook as they broke apart, on her own again, and she was suddenly very thankful that they were in a pool. She treaded water, floating until she was able to balance on her own two feet again. It only took a few moments, but in that time Trina had already circled around them, letting her palm slide around Susan's waist as she leaned over and kissed her husband with a sultry, relaxed grin.

Susan felt the corners of her mouth flick upward at the sight of them. They were stunning together. She already knew that of course, but she was surprised to find that, instead of feeling awkward at the display, it felt like a privilege to witness. Especially in such close proximity.

"Why don't we all get dried off?" the other woman suggested.

Susan nodded, turning toward the stairs before she even realized that she hadn't even thought to search for Bruce after they'd all finished, nor had she realized that he was already out of the pool and grabbing a stack of the towels that Tom and Trina always kept stocked behind the outdoor bar. She flushed, catching his eye with a shy smile, and tried to shove the overwhelming sense of guilt that she felt back down inside of her.

The rest of their time at the Decker's that night, on her end anyway, went fine, but Bruce was abnormally quiet. And, whether it was her lack of connection with him while they were in the act, their ongoing relationship issues, or the fact that they knew Tom and Trina a hell of a lot better than they had the last time they slept together and he was just feeling awkward, that same niggling sense of off-ness followed them home.

In fact, that feeling never left.

That feeling got worse.

"What did we just do," Susan whispered, shock rapidly setting in as she looked up at Roger.

He seemed just as surprised. Whether it was because he'd actually gone through with his plan of walking into her house, into her kitchen, and kissing her, or the fact that she'd kissed him back, she'd probably never know.

'Oh, God,' she thought to herself, feeling her eyes go wide.

She'd not only kissed him back, she'd fully encouraged him to do it in the first place. Susan had taken those first few steps forward, bridging the gap between them just hoping that he was about to do what she thought he might be about to do.

Realizing that she still had her hands on his shoulders, Susan yanked them down and stepped back as if she'd been burned.

"You should leave," she told him with as much conviction as she could muster.

Roger frowned, looking down at her like a kicked puppy, "Is that what you want?"

"It's not about what I want- what we want," she argued, completely flustered, "We cannot do this-"

The front door suddenly opened and slammed shut again.

"Mom!" BJ yelled, already stomping his way up the front staircase, "Is it okay if I ride down to the beach and go to the arcade with Rick?"

Susan's heart nearly leapt out of her chest as she watched panic wash across Roger's face. She had to think quickly.

"As long as you're home before sunset," she yelled after him, shooing Roger back toward the side door that he'd come in.

He almost protested, but she didn't give him a choice, nudging him to get him started in the right direction. And, boy was Susan glad that she did. Just as the screen door swung shut, BJ stormed back down the side stairs and suddenly appeared in the kitchen.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she turned toward him, "Have you eaten lunch?"

He shook his head, walking toward her, "We're just going to grab a hotdog once we get down there."

"Do you need money?"

"I wouldn't say no," he laughed, "but, I should have enough if I'm careful where I spend it."

Susan smiled, momentarily forgetting the enormity of what had just happened. How had they raised such a kind and honest young man?

She began making her way toward the entryway, where she'd tossed her handbag onto one of the chairs earlier, "Let me see how much change I have in my purse."

BJ's face lit up, "Really?"

Susan chuckled, her nerves slowly coming back into check as she glanced over her shoulder at him while they walked, "Yes, really."

It didn't take long for her to gather all of the loose coins and drop them into his waiting palm. It wasn't much, but her son immediately pocketed them.

"Thanks, mom."

"Just be careful, okay BJ?" she told him, watching as he practically sprinted back toward the front door.

"I will!"

The door opened and slammed shut and, just like that, he was gone. The house was quiet again.

Susan's knees nearly gave out. Wisely, she sat down onto the chair behind her in the foyer, tossing her half open, forgotten purse onto the small table next to her.

Did that really just happen?

Had Roger, her best friend's husband, really just kissed her? It was definitely a question worth asking, and even worth repeating, because she felt like she was in a dream. More like a nightmare.

And, what about Janet? Her poor, lovely, naive, best friend. She didn't deserve any of this.

Susan felt herself tear up and leaned forward so that she could drop her head into her hands.

What was she going to do?

The week that followed was torture.

Susan hated herself for it, but nearly every time she and Bruce spoke to each other she couldn't seem to stop herself from acting at least a little petty or saying something spiteful. At the same time, she knew that she probably had no right to be upset with him for whatever was still going on between him and Melinda, not when she was technically cheating on him too.

It didn't feel real. None of it did.

To make matters worse, as if the fates, or God, or whatever you believed in were looking down upon her and laughing, the traditional birthday dinner that she threw for Janet every year also happened to be that week.

She hadn't planned anything ahead of time, but Susan had gotten up early the day of Janet's birthday, hoping to catch her best friend before she left for her job at the newspaper, and somehow managed to just miss her. It was the first time that she and Roger had seen each other since it happened- since their kiss – and it was just as awkward as she'd imagined.

"Janet gets the birthday she deserves, and after that, we won't see each other at all..." he said, hesitating, like he was choking on the words, "If that's what you want."

Susan looked up at him, clutching the large, white gift box containing the new and very expensive dress that she'd guiltily picked out at the department store the day before, tightly. She'd never been more grateful for a visible barrier between her and someone else.

"Is that what you want?" he asked, this time it was a question.

Her heart stuttered, and she swallowed nervously as she forced herself to look up at him, "Yes."

It was one word. A lie. One that would change the trajectory of their friendship... their relationship? Even thinking it made her sick to her stomach. She knew it was for the best, for both of their families, but she couldn't stop the overwhelming sense of regret that gnawed at her from the inside out. What had she just given up?

Righting herself, Susan clutched at the box in her hands as if her life depended on it, "Do you know where Janet's address book is? The sooner I can start calling people about tonight, the more people will show up."

Momentarily stunned at the sudden change of topic, Roger nodded and turned toward the kitchen, finally breaking the tension between them. Were she alone, she would have collapsed onto the closest piece of furniture and sobbed, just like she had after BJ left for the arcade that fateful day. But, she wasn't alone and had to remain as stoic as she possibly could. This, being there, was so much harder than she thought it would be. She'd practiced what she was going to say to him the next time that they found themselves alone over and over in her head, but when the time came most of the words she'd tried so hard to memorize evaded her.

They'd managed to find themselves in quite the predicament, hadn't they?

Roger came back into the living room a few moments later and passed her the familiar olive green notebook that her best friend had kept all of her friends and families contact information in for as long as she'd known her. She tried to do her best to ignore the slight brush of their fingers, but the tingle and shocking heat that shot through her wasn't something that she'd ever been very good at curbing. The only thing that she could do was break the contact as quickly as possible.

"Thanks," she said quietly, looking down at the notebook, "I'll get to calling and take care of the food."

"Of course. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Susan shook her head, unable to stop herself from looking up at him at least once more before leaving, "Not unless you want to make appetizers all afternoon?"

"If it doesn't involve a grill, I'm definitely not the guy to ask," he joked, making her smile.

"Just be there by four?"

"I'll be there."

With that, Susan saw her opening and started making her way back toward the front door. She had just reached for the knob when she stopped and turned.

"Roger?" she said quietly, "Good luck at your interview."

His broad smile nearly broke her heart. It was the first genuine grin that she'd seen on him since the pool party, and before that, other than the cabin, she couldn't even think of the last truly happy emotion that he'd expressed around her.

"Thanks, Susan."

Opening the front door, she stepped onto the steps and let out a sigh of relief once it clicked shut behind her. Lost in thought, she walked back to her house on auto-pilot and once she was safely inside, she headed toward the kitchen, where she spent the next hour calling everyone that she could get a hold of in Janet's address book. At least twenty people would be able to make it, which meant she had a lot of food preparation to get started, but honestly that was the last thing that she wanted to do.

Needing to stretch her legs, her head throbbed as she made her way across the street, hoping that Trina would be home. She was surprised when Tom was the one who answered the door, apparently in the middle of saying goodbye to their guests from the night before. Two months ago she would have been shocked, scandalized even, by the sight of another woman leaning over and kissing him as they stepped past her and out toward the driveway, but instead she felt an odd sense of fondness. She'd grown a lot since the fourth of July, and she didn't want to go back. Even with all of the potential fallout.

"Trina's not feeling well?"

"Just a little hangover," Tom assured her, moving aside as he gestured for her to head out back, "I'm gonna run out and get her a bottle of alka-seltzer. She's out by the pool."

Susan smiled softly, affectionately, and patted his chest as she shuffled by. Tom was a good man. She was happy that he and Trina seem to have worked their way through his little dalliance with the stewardess from the pool party, and once again marveled at how resilient their relationship was.

Putting on her most convincing smile, Susan shook those thoughts from her mind, and stepped out the back door onto the patio where she found Trina just finishing a lap. The dark haired woman stopped swimming, clearly surprised to see her. Susan, of course checked on her, asking her if she was doing alright. Trina brushed it off as just a hangover like Tom had said, but even as she pushed forward with the conversation, Susan could tell that something was going on. Whatever that something was, she clearly didn't want to talk about it though.

"So, it's Janet's birthday, and I'm throwing her a surprise party tonight," she sighed and clasped her hands together in a worried motion, "Trina, I could use some help."

Without missing a beat, the other woman agreed to help and made her way out of the pool, "Sure, sure. Let me go put something on, and I'll help you set up."

But, the party wasn't why she was there, not really. Not after her and Roger's kiss, and most definitely not after their strained conversation earlier that morning.

"It's not that," she finally admitted, stopping Trina from rushing to get dressed.

"What is it?"

The concern in Trina's voice almost made her look up, but she couldn't face her for what she said next.

"Roger kissed me," Susan admitted before she could stop herself, hesitating, because no, that wasn't quite right, "We kissed each other, actually. It-it didn't go any further than that. It never will."

Up until then, Trina had only been observing her. It was unnerving.

"Are you sure?" she finally asked.

It was an honest question. No judgment. No pity.

"Yes," she responded quickly, but even she could hear the doubt in her own voice, so she finally turned to face her friend, "Oh, God, what is wrong with me? He's my best friend's husband."

Trina stared down at her, dripping wet, a dark grey towel wrapped around her waist, "That doesn't mean you still can't have feelings for him."

Frustrated, Susan got up and put a small amount of distance between them, "Of course it does! You know, I'm not like you. I don't have a switch I can just turn on and off every time somebody new strolls into my bedroom."

For the first time since they'd met, Trina looked not only taken aback at that, but offended. Susan hadn't thought that was possible. She felt small and stupid again, having spoken before she really had a chance to think about the words that were coming out of her mouth and how they could possibly hurt her friend.

"Well," Trina finally breathed out, "I'd like to think I'm a little more complex than that."

Clutching her hand to her chest, Susan wholeheartedly hoped that the other woman would forgive her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," she apologized, feeling herself start to get choked up as she stepped back toward Trina, "If anything, I wish I were more like you. It would make this who mess a lot easier to deal with."

Not that Susan deserved it, but she breathed out a sigh of relief when Trina moved forward and reached out for her, running a soothing palm down her arm. And, when the other woman took her hand, Susan wasn't afraid to admit that she clung to it.

She'd gone over there looking for guidance and support, and instead she'd insulted the one person who knew her all of her secrets and had never been anything but loving and kind to her.

"I really am sorry, Trina," she repeated, wiping her eye with her free hand in an attempt to stop any tears before they actually fell.

Reaching up, Susan's eyelids slid shut the moment that the other woman gently cupped her cheek, and she couldn't stop herself from leaning into it. Her hand was still cool from the pool, smelling faintly of chlorine, but in that moment she couldn't have imagined anything feeling better. Just before her eyes fluttered open again, not realizing how long she'd had them closed for, she felt Trina take another small step forward and was just barely able to meet her eyes before the other woman leaned in and kissed her.

It wasn't a peck on the lips, nor was it deeply romantic. It was comfort- more than she expected or deserved- and Susan soaked it in. She basked in the feeling of Trina's lips against hers, and very nearly whimpered when her friend ended it and pulled back only a handful of seconds later.

Trina gazed up at her sincerely, "You gonna be okay?"

She chuckled and looked down at their joined hands, "Shouldn't I be asking you that? You're the one that doesn't feel so hot."

Her neighbor, her friend, her port of safety in a raging storm, waved her off again and turned, tugging her back into the house and toward the bedroom, "I'll be fine. It's nothing that a little medicine and party planning won't cure."

###

The two of them spent the rest of the morning figuring out the food for the party, writing down what ingredients they'd need and, when Tom finally returned, they drove to the local grocery store to pick it all up. Despite Trina's lack of skill or confidence in the kitchen, she helped Susan make three different appetizers and set up a snack bar with things like chips, chocolates, and other pre-made foods without complaint.

When it was time for both of them to start getting dressed and ready for company, Susan stopped her before she could slip out the front door, and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Anytime, Susan," Trina smiled.

She nodded, holding the door open as her friend stepped through it and out onto walkway. She stood there until Trina made it safely across the street before heading upstairs to change.

It was going to be a long, stressful evening spent trying to avoid her guilt and the draw of Roger's charm, and she was incredibly grateful that Tom and Trina were going to be there. She had a feeling she was going to need all of the support that she could get.

It was Labor Day weekend and Susan and Bruce spent the day down at the beach celebrating the end of summer at the Decker's traditional clam bake. Things were strained between them now more than ever. She wasn't sure if they were acting like everything was completely normal for everyone else's sake or their own, but by the end of the evening, their tentative, unspoken truce had crumpled and completely fallen apart.

So much had happened. It was all too much to take in. Trina was pregnant. Roger was on his way to Cincinnati. Bruce hadn't actually slept with Melinda the night of Janet's party, but as far as Susan was concerned, he may as well have.

There had been yelling. Nasty words were exchanged. And, for the first time since they'd met, Susan felt true hatred toward her husband.

Just to spite him, she'd stormed back to the bonfire, leaving him by the crashing waves, grabbed one of the last sets of keys out of the fishbowl, and took a man that she'd never met before toward the parking lot. She'd let him, Tim, down gently, and apologized. Susan explained that she'd just had a fight with her husband and surprisingly he'd understood. He was, of course, a little upset about not getting laid that night, but had been kind enough to offer her a ride home anyway.

Once there, Susan was at a complete loss. She spent twenty minutes just sitting on the front steps, staring at the grass and listening to the crickets, before she finally got enough motivation to get up and go inside.

Her stomach growled as the door swung shut behind her with a loud click. The anger that she'd felt on the beach, the frustration that had flooded her veins, was completely gone. Now, she felt a bit like a deflated balloon. She had no idea what came next. Susan did know one thing, though. If she had to suffer through the anxiety of waiting until Bruce came home, if he even came home, then she was going to at least do it on a full stomach.

She made it as far as one of the stools by the counter in the kitchen, contemplating the bowl of fruit behind her, when Laurie came down the stairs. Not only was Susan surprised that her daughter was home, but she found the fact that she wasn't falling apart after hearing the news that her boyfriend was going to Guatemala for an undisclosed amount of time odd.

Still, Susan let her go, sending up a silent prayer that Laurie wasn't about to do something rash like trying to leave the country with Doug. She wouldn't put it past her daughter to do something like that and, normally, she would have done whatever she could to stop her. But, if there was anything that she'd learned about Laurie that summer, it was that she could hold her own. She was nearly an adult, less than four months away from her eighteenth birthday, and had already been acting like one, boy issues aside, for many years.

Before she had a chance to question her choice of whether letting Laurie walk out the door was the right decision, the phone rang, startling her out of her stupor.

"Hello," Susan answered, waiting for a response, but none came, "Hello?"

She waited once more and nothing again.

"Roger?"

"Yes."

Touching her neck anxiously, she felt her pulse begin to speed up, "Are you okay?"

"I couldn't get on the plane," he admitted, sounding lost and broken, "I know I shouldn't be calling, I just... I had to."

Susan took a shaky breath, every nerve in her body on high alert. She knew that she shouldn't ask, but the words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

"Where are you?"

"At a hotel, by the airport," Roger paused, and then asked her a truly dangerous question, "Will you meet me?"

She hesitated, but only for a moment.

"What's the address?"

Roger sucked in a sharp breath and she heard a bit of shuffling on the other end of the line before he rattled off the street name and number. It was one of the newer hotels. Susan remembered reading about it in the paper a few years before.

"Got it," she whispered, tearing the piece of paper off of the little pad that they always kept by the phone, "Where should I meet you?"

"I'm in room 835."

Her stomach flipped, the reality of what they were planning finally fully hitting her. He wasn't asking her to meet him at the hotel bar, or somewhere nearby. And, he wasn't asking her to meet him for dinner, or to talk. There were very few things that could possibly happen in a hotel room, and she was sick of denying her own wants and needs no matter how stupid and ill-advised they were.

Reckless impulse won once again that night.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

Susan only spent a few minutes changing, brushing her hair into submission, and finding a pair of matching heels, before calling a cab. And, before she knew it, forty minutes had passed and she was standing in front of the O'Hare International Tower Hotel.

It was a massive, curved building, ten stories tall, and made of all glass windows that shimmered in the night sky.

Trying to steady herself, she smoothed a hand down the front of her dress, before hesitantly putting one foot in front of the other and making her way toward the main entrance. Time seemed to pass slowly and way too fast all at once, and Susan felt like she was practically floating by the time she made it inside. She was greeted by a clearly bored receptionist, a plain twenty something year old woman, who quickly sagged back into her seat once she realized that she was heading toward the elevators. For a moment, she felt bad for the young woman, but knew with absolute certainty that if she didn't keep moving, she'd lose her nerve. Because, on the inside, Susan felt like a scared little rabbit, poised to jump and run at the slightest noise or sign of a threat.

As she stepped into the first lift that opened and pressed the number eight on the wall of buttons with a trembling hand, Susan found herself leaning heavily against one of the walls. It was eerily quiet as she began her ascent, and she was thankful when the elevator shuddered to a stop after only ten seconds and the doors opened with a startling ding.

There was a shiny, metal placard on the wall across from her that directed her down the hallway to the left and in less than a minute she was standing outside of his door.

This was it. This was her final chance to turn around.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she knocked. A few nerve-wracking seconds passed and she heard no movement inside of the room, but could clearly see light coming from the gap underneath the door. So, she knocked again, and just when she thought she'd either gone to the wrong room, or he'd changed his mind, the door swung open.

Roger seemed genuinely surprised that she'd actually showed up, but once it fully registered, the corners of his mouth ticked upward in a closed lip, but tentative smile. A wave of nervous nausea rolled through her, even as she glanced over toward the bed, back at him, and then stepped inside with a surprising amount of confidence.

He shut the door with one hand, his gaze uninterested in anything but her.

"What happened?" she asked, unsure, and more than a little anxious, "Roger, I-"

Swooping in, just like in an old black and white movie, he kissed her. An electric zing shot down her spine and settled low in her belly. If Susan thought that their first, and only other, kiss had been passionate, then this one blew it out of the water. She clung to him, arching her back as she returned the embrace with equal vigor.

Gone, were the thoughts of Bruce and their fight, betraying Janet, and all of the guilt that she'd been feeling. Instead, she greedily chose to focus on the present, on Roger. Letting her hands fall from his face, she eagerly tugged at his tie until it loosened and she was able to blindly start undoing the buttons on his dress shirt underneath.

Whatever happened that night, she was doing it for her. Would she regret it? Probably. But, they would tackle that together tomorrow.