Narcissa Malfoy née Black has an affair within a year of marrying Lucius Malfoy. Severus finds out because Lucius complains about it pettily with him over a bottle of fine wine. Lucius prattles on and on about how embarrassing it is, the lengths he's had to go to in order for the affair to remain a secret, all the servants he's had to pay off and favors he's had to call in. He finishes with a flourish, declaring, "And she better not get pregnant with his kid!"

Severus just sips the wine, considering. He says, "You don't seem all that upset about this."

"I'm very upset."

"Yes—at the logistics. Does the fact that your wife is sleeping with another man not concern you?"

Lucius waves that away. "My parents did the same thing. I know you're a half-blood so I understand that you find it odd but really, it's just business as usual. Narcissa is just too open about it and I'm left cleaning up her mess."

Severus takes another sip of wine. Merlin save him from the eccentricity of purebloods.

By all means, Lucius should not have told Severus about his wife's affair. It takes a bit longer for Severus to figure it out but those kinds of things, while common, are not remarked upon in polite conversation. Severus, as neither family nor a gossip-monger, shouldn't have been let in on it at all. And yet…

The thing is, Severus has been close to Lucius since he first stepped foot into Hogwarts and Lucius was an overly-helpful, incredibly condescending Head Boy who decided to take on Slytherin's only half-blood as a charity case. Severus had fought against him at first, of course, aware that he was being used, but a single Christmas present—which cost more than his parents' house—was enough to quiet him down. If Lucius Malfoy was going to use him as good publicity, that was fine…Severus was going to use him as his personal money-machine.

Now, Severus was eleven and not very good at scheming, but it still worked, simply because Lucius had so much money that he didn't care.

Later, after Lucius graduated and Severus's Hogwarts career continued on, they struck up a regular correspondence which included Lucius begging for Severus to visit over the holidays and play a poor, unfortunate half-blood that Lucius has taken under his wing and Severus demanding increasingly expensive gifts in return.

By the time Hogsmeade visits were allowed, Lucius got a gold mine of tabloid stories of his generosity and Severus got treated to every candy he could get his hands on.

All in all, a fair trade.

Somewhere along the line, though—and Severus is not exactly sure where—their interactions stopped being transactionary and started being…spontaneous. Enjoyable, even. By the time Severus had graduated and was taking a course to earn his Mastery in Potions (paid by a scholarship because Severus wasn't completely reliant on Lucius), Severus found himself having regular dinners at Malfoy Manor and even successfully convincing Lucius to come slum it with him and Lily at Cokeworth for a few days.

(God, Lily had hated that, but then she'd retaliated by inviting James Potter over the very next month, so they were even, as far as Severus was concerned.)

And then came Lucius's courtship with Narcissa, during which time Severus found himself nearly playing errand boy with how little Lucius seemed to care about it. One night, while Severus was ignoring his own homework to argue with Lucius that, yes, he really should put more thought into Narcissa's birthday present than "get her a ticket to a Quidditch game, I guess", he realized that he didn't have to deal with this shit anymore.

"Fine!" he'd yelled. "Go ruin your chances with your fiancée! But—but you don't get to come crying to me about it! I don't want to hear about your courtship again!" And his homework was due the next day and he hadn't even started so his face was so red in anger and shame.

And Lucius stared at him. There were a few moments of silence, followed by the blond sighing. "All right," he'd said. And then he'd followed through. Severus did not hear another word about the courtship until he received a wedding invitation.

The wedding itself had been…strange. Uncomfortable. There were other half-bloods and even some muggle-borns in the building, but they were all the help. Only Severus, standing awkwardly among the groomsmen, was out of place, and everyone knew it but everyone also knew that he was Lucius Malfoy's charity case so no one dared to say a word.

And that was fine by Severus, who got to eat the most delicious cake of his life.

Everything was fine.

So, when Narcissa Malfoy née Black gets pregnant—and after confirming that it is, in fact, Lucius's—Severus gets surprised by an invitation that he probably should have seen coming.

"Be the godfather!" Lucius orders.

Severus stares. He says, "Isn't the whole 'godfather' thing a Catholic tradition?" If there's one thing wizards hate, it's Catholics. His own mother, who is more of a blood-traitor than a Weasley, still scoffs at Catholics—which had aligned quite nicely with Tobias Snape's almost violent Anglicanism.

Lucius says, "The term is, sure, but the actual tradition is an old wizarding one. We just slapped a new name on it." He does not elaborate, instead chugging more firewhiskey. It's the cheap kind, the one he brings out before having tough conversations. (The wine, on the other hand, is saved for gossip and vicious rants.)

Severus considers this. He asks, "Shouldn't you run this by Narcissa?"

"The godfather is chosen by the father—the godmother is chosen by the mother. I'm not consulting Narcissa and Narcissa is not consulting me. It'll be a surprise. We'll walk into the hospital room and you and the godmother will be there. It'll be a great deal of fun." He's slurring his words but he truly seems to be believing everything he's saying. Severus wonders if all purebloods are this bat-shit insane—his exposure, though extensive, has been tempered by the filter of polite society. Being around Lucius in private is always an experience.

Severus says, "Wait—we'll be in the delivery room?"

And then Lucius gives him an incredulous look. "Of course you will—you'll be the godparents!" And then he proceeds to once again not elaborate.

Severus drinks more firewhiskey from his own bottle. He officially accepts the next morning, at which point Lucius laughs and says, "It's really cute how you think you have a choice."

Merlin, what a tosser.

It's three months into Narcissa's pregnancy—which Severus is painfully familiar with, because Lucius complains about it incessantly—when he finds out that Lucius does not know who, exactly, Narcissa is having an affair with. "It doesn't really matter," he says airily. "He'll climb out of the woodworks when our son is born."

"What do you mean?" asks Severus.

"He's going to help raise the baby, obviously," says Lucius. "It'll keep Narcissa happy because she'll have her lover by her side and it'll keep me happy because there will be an extra hand. I was raised by four separate people, excluding my house elf nanny. That's just how it works."

"Lucius," says Severus, pained, "do you really want your child to know that you do not love his mother?"

"What does love have to do with it?"

What the fuck.

Love actually has a lot to do with it, which is something Severus keeps trying to impress upon Lucius. The man seems singularly unfazed by every argument that Severus makes. Severus himself, fueled by the dark shadow of his own childhood with parents who bitterly despised each other, does not give in. He also doesn't explain the core reasoning because he's a Slytherin and Slytherins do not show weakness.

…He does end up brushing close to it, though. He says, "Do you have any idea how traumatic it is to be raised in an emotionally violent household?"

Lucius blinks. "But we won't be emotionally violent," he says slowly. "Narcissa and I respect each other very much. Narcissa is an intelligent woman so I'm sure that her lover will be sensible and easy enough to get along with. Her chosen godmother should be the same. The five of us, we'll get along quite well and everything will go smoothly. The child will be well cared-for and well-loved."

Severus only hears one part of that speech. "The five of us?"

Lucius raises an eyebrow. "Yes—Narcissa, her lover, the godmother, me, and you."

"Me," says Severus.

"You're the godfather. That makes you essentially a parent."

What the fuck?

Severus is not ready for fatherhood. After visiting Lucius that day, Severus goes out and buys every parenting book he can find—the muggle ones, of course, because he does not trust wizarding books. If they're even half as insane as Lucius is then the child will grow up unstable no matter Severus's best efforts. So, the muggle books.

He quickly learns that no book had predicted Severus's particular predicament, but he gets enough advice. He does make the mistake of having some out on his coffee table—very expensive, imported from Japan, a birthday present from Lucius—when Lily comes to visit. She stares at the stack, then at a haggard Severus, and then asks, "Are you expecting?"

"I'm going to be a godfather," Severus groans. "Lucius says I'll essentially be his son's fifth parent. I don't know how to parent."

"Fifth?" asks Lily, just as bewildered as he'd been. "Who are the other four?"

"Don't ask," rasps Severus. "It's insane. Purebloods are insane. Potter better not be giving you half as much trouble as Lucius is giving me!"

"Yes, well, James's family is very modern, though they do have their own…quirks." She looks faraway at that, as if remembering an awful dream.

What a pair the two of them make.

Narcissa confronts him sooner than he'd expected. The two of them have an amicable acquaintanceship—she is the wife of his…benefactor(?)—but that does not prepare him for her physically tackling him into an abandoned corner of Malfoy Manor. The room is filled with portraits that immediately zero in on Severus and determine that he is of inferior blood, sneering in disdain. Narcissa ignores it all and instead says, "I know Lucius is choosing you as the godfather."

"He said it would be a surprise," mutters Severus.

"That man is not half as subtle as he thinks he is." Severus has to concede a point there. "That's beside the point, though. You're an intelligent man, Severus, and Lucius certainly thinks highly of you. I accepted your place at our wedding, and I've accepted your presence at my home—I'm a woman of high caliber, after all. I'm not possessive, unlike the rabble of our society. However, I draw the line at my son." And then she gets close to him, moving much too agile for someone of her state of pregnancy. "Have you been preparing for your role?"

Severus, oddly terrified, stutters out, "I've been reading parenting books."

Narcissa's eyes narrow. "And?"

"And?" asks Severus. "I don't know! Lucius hasn't told me anything and I'm doing my best! Do you need help baby-proofing the Manor? Or someone to take care of any odd food cravings? Wait, you have house elves…"

"Well," Narcissa says crisply, leaning back, "leave it to Lucius to be absolutely useless at foreplanning." Severus feels he should defend Lucius's honor but deduces that his best bet at getting out of his situation unscathed is by keeping silent. Narcissa continues, "As the godfather, it's your responsibility to be my son's…tutor, of sorts. You will be taking an active role in his physical and mental development."

Curious despite himself, Severus asks, "What about the godmother?"

"She will handle my son's general well-being and emotional needs."

"And what about you and Lucius?" Severus asks incredulously.

Narcissa rolls her eyes. "We're the ones who will be taking care of him financially," she explains, "and in legal matters. And he will, of course, be staying with us."

"Of course," Severus mutters. "Right, well—are there any guidelines of what a child should learn at what point?"

"Vague ones," says Narcissa. "I can have Lucius deliver them to you the next time you visit."

"Right."

"Oh, and Severus? You don't need to go tip-toeing around me—I am well aware of your relationship with Lucius."

His what?

"Lily, is my relationship with Lucius odd?" Severus demands.

Lily, who has been valiantly trying to eat her pasta and ignore Severus's awkward shuffling, freezes. She sets her fork down. "Well," she starts, "you met each other when you were quite young. It hasn't always sat well with me."

"He was just using me," Severus denies. "I was his charity case and I got some perks in return for being all cute and unfortunate."

"It continued after Malfoy graduated, too."

"It was just letters and Hogsmeade visits."

"And now you're inseparable."

"We're friends."

Lily sighs. "Listen—I don't like Malfoy, just like you don't like James. If I wanted to ask someone if my relationship with James was odd, I wouldn't ask you because I'd know that you're biased. You can't expect an honest answer from me."

"But you and Potter are dating," Severus points out. "That's different."

Lily stares. She says, "Are you not dating Lucius Malfoy?"

"Lily!" Severus exclaims, scandalized. "Absolutely not! He's a pretentious, pureblood ass who I can't make sense of half the time! Besides, he's married!"

"Come on—that means nothing to purebloods and you know it."

"Fine, then! My other points still stand!"

Lily sighs and fully scooches her plate out of the way, resting her elbows on the table. She says, "Severus—he constantly buys you gifts, confides in you, spends exorbitant amounts of time with you…honestly, he spent his wedding night with you instead of his wife. If you two aren't dating then rest assured that he certainly has feelings for you."

"He can't have feelings for me! He's Lucius Malfoy! He barely likes his own mother!"

"And yet, here we are."

Goddamn it.

Severus does his best to bring it up subtly. He says to Lucius, "So Narcissa has a lover…"

"Yes," Lucius says idly, flipping a page in his book.

Severus hesitates. It's late—almost midnight—and they're both sequestered in Lucius's bedchambers. Lucius is seated primly on a sofa chair, a cup of tea on the coffee stand next to him, while Severus is sprawled languidly on a plush animal fur rug in front of a grand fireplace. They've been in this exact same position several times before and it has only now struck Severus as odd. Despite everything—despite how much of an idiot Lucius is and how disturbing his relationship with money seems—Severus finds himself terrified of jeopardizing this.

Sneaky, he reminds himself. He is Severus Snape, Slytherin, and he can be sneaky.

Severus says, "And affairs are common…?"

"Among our social class, absolutely."

Severus asks, "Are you planning on having one?"

And then there's a beat of silence. Severus chances a glance over to Lucius and finds the man's face pink and mortified. "Er," says the man. Severus stares because that is probably the most plebeian thing Lucius Malfoy has ever said.

"Are you all right?" asks Severus.

"I'm brilliant," says Lucius. "It's just—you caught me off-guard."

"Right…"

"But, um, I'm not looking for anyone else in my life." Lucius looks at him intently, then pointedly goes back to his book. His face is steadily reddening.

Severus is baffled for all of five seconds before it clicks.

Oh no.

"Lucius has feelings for me!" Severus wails the moment Lily opens the door to her flat.

He hears a choked noise coming from the living room direction and a quick glance reveals Sirius fucking Black sitting on Lily's couch.

"What are you doing here?" Severus hisses.

"He," Lily says, "is my friend and has every right to be here, especially when I invited him."

Severus, cowed, simmers down. He mutters, "I can come back later," and then tries to get the hell out of dodge. However, that's when Black calls out, "No, no, wait! Merlin, I'm invested now!"

"My life is not some play that you can get invested in!"

"Come on, please? I know Cissa is holing up with some hot Italian babe or something but Lucy's always been an uptight bastard. Him falling for you of all people is the gossip of the century." He leans closer, a shit eating grin on his face. "So come on, spill. How'd you figure it out?"

"Black, I will not—"

"I've literally known him since I was a baby! I can tell you whether or not you're imagining it. Just come on!"

Severus stares at Black, then at Lily. Lily simply raises an eyebrow and then Severus deflates, marching into the flat and sitting on a chair across from Black. "Fine," he says, "but if I hear a single insult out of your mouth, I will hex you into next week."

"Sure!" Black says cheerfully before making a 'go on' motion.

Severus takes a deep breath. "I asked him if he was planning on having an affair and began blushing and he said 'I'm not looking for anyone else in my life' and then he just…stared at me. And then he went back to what he was doing, but he was still blushing."

"Okay, that's not even subtle."

"I know," moans Severus. He puts his head in his hands. "This is not how it was supposed to go. I was just supposed to be his friend of questionable breeding and he was supposed to be a doting cash cow. Now we're both invested. The system can't work if we're invested."

"You can't even break it off since you're his son's godfather," Sirius says. "Like—Lucy and Cissy may actually kill you if you broke it off. Like literally murder you. They're rich, too, you know they can get away with it."

"Then what should I do?" demands Severus.

"Uh, have an affair with him? I mean it's not like he's opposed to the idea…"

"Why would I have an affair with him?"

Sirius stares. Lily stares. Every single animated picture in the room stares. Severus's face goes warm and splotchy as he sinks into his chair. "Right," he mutters, "point taken."

Sirius shrugs. "Just go for it, mate. What's the worst that could happen?"

Severus spends that night on the daybed in Lucius's bedchambers. He's spent several nights there, Lucius snoring contentedly in his own bed. Severus stares at the ceiling and tries very hard not to imagine what Lucius looks like in his sleep—a useless endeavor considering how Severus has seen what he looks like several times. It's too fucking pretty. How come it's the asshole, inbred purebloods who always look so angelic?

He's spent the last several hours trying to convince himself to talk to Lucius. Or, like, jump him, or something. Unfortunately, Severus can't summon the courage to and every second he spends not doing it is spent catastrophizing.

What if Severus was simply making something out of nothing? What if Sirius intentionally gave him bad advice? What if Narcissa isn't actually as tolerant about her husband having an affair as she'd implied? What if Lucius finds out that Severus is shit in bed and then kicks him out? What if Severus is so awful at pillow talk that Lucius decides he can't possibly be the godfather?

The baby is going to be named Draco. It's an adorable name. Severus can't jeopardize his chances. He's grown frighteningly fond of a baby that does not yet exist.

He muffles his scream into his pillow. What has he done to deserve this?

By the time Narcissa goes into labor, Severus is miserable. Since Severus is miserable, Lucius is miserable. Since Lucius is miserable, all the servants in Malfoy Manor are miserable.

Suffice to say, Narcissa's sanity has taken a severe hit. She sends Dobby, possibly the most insane house-elf in existence, to wake Lucius and Severus up—Lucius doing so gracefully, Severus staggering upright and brandishing his wand like a switchblade—before corralling them to St. Mungo's right then and there. Lucius, who always looks effortlessly beautiful, doesn't think to complain. Severus, who looks like a zombie, does complain but they all fall on deaf ears.

By the time he's in the delivery room, Severus is tired and cranky and probably has drool dried on his face. Narcissa, who manages to be annoyingly perceptive even while in what is probably severe pain, looks at him with disdain. All of her vitriol, though, is aimed at Lucius when she says, "You really chose a boy who can't clean himself up."

"He looks perfectly fine!" Lucius responds.

"You think everything he does is perfectly fine!" Another round of cramps must hit her because she lets out a cry of pain. Lucius is immediately at her side, holding her arm and demanding that the nurses give her something to help with the pain.

"Hold on!" cries a new voice—distinctly feminine—who barges into the room. Probably the godmother. Severus turns to meet the women he's apparently going to be coparenting the incoming child with and…he pauses. Stares. Does a double-take.

…Yes, that does in fact seem to be Azura Zabini.

"Snape!" she barks upon seeing him. "I want to know exactly what the nurses are doing at every second of labor! Be proactive!"

"A-All right," Severus squeaks.

Azura promptly proceeds to pay him no mind, making a beeline to Narcissa and pulling item after item out of her charmed pouch—some looking practical, others simply pink and frilled—and proceeding to hand her whatever Narcissa asked for. She orders Lucius to not let go no matter what, heavily implying that his life would be on the line if he did, and returns to her task.

Severus, too terrified to cross Azura—who already has two mysteriously dead husbands to her name—follows her earlier instructions. The labor takes five hours total and Draco comes out completely healthy—ten fingers, ten toes, the works—and Narcissa is exhausted but ecstatic.

Lucius, who is also ecstatic and who always lacks tact when he's excited, says, "But where's the other man?"

"Hm?" asks Narcissa blearily.

"I know you're having an affair. The nurses haven't notified us about any others waiting outside…"

Narcissa giggles but it's Azura who speaks for her. "I thought you were perceptive, Lucius," she drawls. "You see…I am 'the other man.'"

Ah. Now that he thinks about it, Sirius had mentioned something about a "hot Italian babe".

"Oh, thank Merlin!" says Lucius. "Five guardians would have been much too many—"

Severus, who has finally gotten his turn to hold Draco—and he clutches the boy close, already in love—snorts. Ah, yes, five is too many but four is just right. Purebloods.

The house elves take care of Draco during the night so that Narcissa (and everyone else, to be honest) can actually get some rest. Severus can't sleep, though. He stares up at the ceiling from the daybed—which has migrated closer and closer to Lucius's bed over the last few months, and which has also seen such frequent use that he's begun to feel odd when sleeping in his own flat—and ponders the clusterfuck he's gotten himself into.

Lucius is a father. Seeing him handle Draco had been…an interesting experience. The man had obviously known what he was doing, used to dealing with younger relatives, and Severus found the confidence unbearably endearing.

Determination seizing him, he turns over and peers up at Lucius—who is just as awake as Severus is.

Severus whispers, "So…Narcissa and Zabini…"

"She was spending an awful lot of time with her," Lucius muses. "I'd all but confirmed she would be the godmother…but I should have realized she was the other woman."

"Well, now we're at a nice four guardians, at any rate," Severus says. "What with you not having an affair with anyone else."

"I would never," says Lucius, something firm and fierce in his voice and—Severus melts.

"Keep it that way," he orders, the only one he's ever given to Lucius with full confidence that the other man will follow it.

Lucius doesn't disappoint. "I will."

Severus buries his face into his pillow and smiles.

As Draco's pseudo-tutor…there's not much for Severus to do during the first few weeks of life. Oh, he spends plenty of time with Draco but he doesn't have any duties yet. Still, as far as he's concerned, it's a good enough excuse to stay at Malfoy Manor 24/7, and he slowly but steadily begins shifting all of his belongings over from his flat—most of them into Lucius's chambers.

Lucius doesn't complain at all, even when Severus drags in his ratty old couch. No, Lucius simply summons an upholster and has the couch completely restored, and then proceeds to not mention the fact that it doesn't match the rest of the decor at all. He even sits on it, though only when Severus sits on it with him. And when they sit together there, Lucius will lean into Severus and, if he's sleepy enough, lay his head down on Severus's shoulder.

After the third time Lucius does that, Severus abruptly stands, drags Lucius into his fancy, four-poster bed, and then climbs under the covers with him.

Lucius doesn't comment.

Severus is doomed.

Their first fight happens a week later, when fatherhood hormones get into Lucius's head and he finally does something stupid. Namely, buying twenty albino peacocks.

"They're loud," Severus snarls, "and they smell!"

"They're perfectly wonderful creatures!"

"You had to hire an entirely separate staff to take care of them!"

"And? What's wrong with that?"

"You bought them in my name!"

"They were a gift!" says Lucius and oh, he looks furious, but Severus can detect the undercurrent of hurt in his words. This is probably the first time Severus has ever been upset with Lucius for buying him something and he obviously doesn't know how to handle it.

Severus doesn't know how to handle it, either. Grasping at reasons, he says, "Now I'm responsible for them! Every time someone sensible visits and asks who thought albino peacocks would be a good idea, everyone will say, 'They're Severus Snape's.' Do you have any idea how humiliating that will be?"

"Less humiliating than a custom Japanese coffee table in your shitty flat?"

"Shut your mouth!" Severus says.

Azura chooses that moment to walk into the dining room, approaching Narcissa, who had been observing the conversation with much interest. "What's gotten into them?" Azura asks.

"They're having a domestic," Narcissa explains.

Azura wrinkles her nose. "Well, it was bound to happen eventually."

"This isn't a domestic!" Severus snaps.

"Then what is it?"

"A small disagreement."

Lucius looks wildly between Severus, Narcissa, and Azura before all but throwing himself out of the nearest open door, disappearing deeper into the manner. His pancakes lay untouched on his plate. Severus stares after him blankly, then looks to Narcissa and Azura.

Narcissa looks at him like he's an idiot. "Well?" she says. "Go after him!"

That's more than enough encouragement for him. He bolts out the door.

(Azura says to Narcissa, "They're a mess, aren't they?" Her voice is fond.

Narcissa shakes her head. "They're men—stubborn, prideful, unruly men. Of course they're a mess.")

Severus finds Lucius in the gardens, playing with a peacock. Lucius, noticing him, mutters, "Leave. I am more than capable of enjoying their beauty, unlike some people."

Severus stares. He eventually says, "They are very beautiful. I suspect they would be better in black, though."

Lucius snorts. "You were always dramatic."

Pot, meet kettle, Severus almost says. Instead, he seats himself down next to Lucius—one of the peacocks approaches him but he gives it a scowl until it leaves him alone. To Lucius, he says, "I'm sorry."

Lucius sighs. "No, I'm…" He pauses, seemingly physically incapable of apologizing. He continues, "I should have checked with you before buying it. I admit, this was an eccentric purchase compared to everything else I have gifted you."

"I…I like it," Severus admits. "It is needlessly extravagant and I have no eye for expense but it makes me feel nice when you buy me outrageous things. It's just…" How to phrase this? How to get it out of his mouth at all? He says, "This is the first thing you've gotten me since I moved in."

"Yes," Lucius says slowly. "Was I neglecting you? Draco was taking up most of my attention…I will make up for it—"

"You weren't neglecting me," Severus says firmly. "I do not expect you to keep buying me outlandish things. In fact—do not." Yes, that was the crux of the matter, wasn't it? "My continued presence is not reliant on the things you give me, do you understand? I like it here."

Lucius's face screws up. "You're only here for Draco. Not that I'm upset about it—Draco deserves that, and more—but don't act as if this is ideal to you. We've been close for years. My house has always been open to you! And yet you insisted on keeping that little flat in Knockturn! The only reason you came to visit was because I gave you enough things that you couldn't stay away—"

"I didn't move in until now because the flat was mine," Severus corrects. "And I loved everything you gave me, but I never thought of those when I went to you. I mean, I did when I was a child, obviously, but that hasn't been what was going through my head for years. Against all odds, I genuinely find you stimulating company. I enjoy time spent with you. But—there was still a divide, wasn't there? That's why I went back to my apartment. You gave me things, things that were mine, but there was nothing of mine here." He pauses. "And then that changed."

"Draco?" asks Lucius.

"Yes," agrees Severus. "Draco—and you. Somewhere along the line, you became mine."

"…Me?"

"You."

Lucius stares at him, lips lightly parted. "You think I'm yours?"

"Of course you are," says Severus, an unusual amount of confidence surging through him. "Lucius, you gave yourself to me, the same way you gave me these infernal peacocks. You're mine now, and all that is yours is mine. That's why I came to Malfoy Manor." He leans closer. "Stop trying to buy my love. You already have it."

And—

Well, Severus wishes their first kiss wasn't in front of the beady, fowl eyes of the peacocks, but he'll take what he can get.

And he does take. Lucius is such a generous giver, after all.

"I fucked Lucius Malfoy," Severus declares, barging into Lily's apartment.

He comes face-to-face with James fucking Potter.

For a moment, Severus is almost ready to hex the man over the head out of pure instinct, to hurl insults, to revert to his schoolboy self and revel in a rivalry he'd promised Lily was dead—

But then Potter laughs and says, "Merlin, finally! I swear, Snape, you're more oblivious than Binns sometimes…"

Lily proceeds to drag him to the dining table for lunch. Severus must endure a meal with James fucking Potter before Lily finally blurts out that they're engaged ("Not officially," Potter breaks in, "I haven't actually officially popped the question but we've discussed it and we're in agreement so—") and Severus valiantly stops himself from smashing a plate over the man's head, even when he proceeds to make too many peacock-inspired euphemisms.

And then: "You know what?" says Potter. "We should have a double-date!"

Abso-fucking-lutely not!

They have a double-date. Everyone has a bad time—except Potter, the sanctimonious prick, who seems perversely delighted by the turn of events.

At least Draco is waiting for him when he goes back home; Draco and Lucius and even Narcissa and Azura.

So, yes—Severus Snape is finally happy, peacocks and all.

a/n: fun fact, i wrote this fic mostly while high on pain meds after having my wisdom teeth removed. yes, teeth, plural - i got all four taken out at once. last thing i remember before passing out on the anesthesia was accidentally calling my inner elbow my "elbow armpit" so. yeah.

as for story notes: im sorry about the drama that appeared out of nowhere near the end. i wanted some more conflict so that's what happened lol.

hope you liked this! if you did, please FAVORITE and REVIEW! it would really make my day.

also, if you wanna talk to me or, like, shout at me to finish my other wips, i am on tumblr under the same name (but all lowercase)!