Piper climbed over the bed, grabbing her shorts. Fishing around in the pockets, she pulled out her cigarettes and matches. She remembered seeing an ashtray on the desk earlier and went and retrieved it. The cool air of the room nipped at her as she got back into bed, pulling the covers up to her chest. From downstairs, she heard the exhaust of a stimpak followed by the rattle of the metal tin. She struck the match, lighting her cigarette as she waited for Alex to return. Taking a drag, she heard the tin clang quietly onto the table. A second or two later, she heard the fridge open. Piper set her cigarette pack on the nightstand next to her and picked up the ashtray as Alex made her way back up the stairs.

Alex set the bottles down carefully on the dresser, then pick one back up. "Here you go," she held it out to Piper, "one Nuka Cherry."

She picked up the other bottle and slipped into the bed.

Piper covered her with the blanket. "How's your arm?"

Alex took a drink and rolled her eyes at her playfully, "The stims are really helping but it still hurts like hell."

"I was going to suggest bed rest."

Alex chuckled at her suggestion and moved her drink to her other hand. "I doubt there'd be much rest involved," she reached for the cigarette, taking it from Piper.

Piper smirked smugly behind the bottle watching Alex take a hit from her smoke. "I can't say I'd disagree with you there."

Alex chuckled, exhaling. She took another puff before handing it back to Piper. Piper took a drag of the cigarette watching her finish her drink. She still didn't know where to begin an entire conversation about her emotions.

Alex set the bottle on the dresser and slipped further down on the bed, observing her. "What are you thinking so hard about?"

Piper took one last pull from the cigarette before crushing it out. She stared off at the wooden wall thinking. She lifted the bottle and exhaled her breath. Downing the last of the contents, she set it on the nightstand with the ashtray. She moved deeper into the covers but didn't look at Alex. The longer she lay there the harder it was to say anything at all. She could sense the prolonged silence becoming awkward and the uncomfortableness of it weighed her down. As the silence dragged on, Piper didn't have a better way of wording things.

"Do you regret having sex?" Alex asked her quietly.

"No!" Piper sat up seeing the worried look on her face, She caught Alex's arm as she started to move. "I don't regret anything we've been doing." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I wish we would have sooner."

"Then why are you suddenly so quiet?" Alex studied her, the seriousness of her tone told Piper she didn't believe her.

She sighed. "I can talk about anyone or anything except when it comes to me." She curled herself into Alex's side, "I'm a writer, but I can't find the words to explain myself. It's not something I do. It takes me a while to think about my own feelings and it's something I do when I'm alone."

Alex furrowed her brow in question, "Is that your subtle way of telling me to leave?" The confusion was evident in her voice.

She moved her hand to Alex's cheek turning her face toward her, "I don't want you to leave, Blue." She took a deep breath, "Not now, not ever."

Alex kissed her; the ephemeral tenderness gave way to the rawness of their attraction. Alex turned into her, putting her leg between both of Piper's. Alex pulled away from her only far enough to let her lips brush against Piper's. "I've been wanting to tell you how I feel for a long time."

Piper pulled her back into another passionate kiss. The wetness of her lips tasted like cola.

When Alex pushed away from her, she put her forehead against Pipers. "That night at the Starlight, I was about to tell you."

Piper ran her fingers down Alex's cheek. "So, tell me now."

Alex pulled away to study her face and Piper watched Alex just as intensely. "I've spent the last three months in hell after spending a year waking up next to you." Alex lifted her injured arm, letting her fingers rest on Piper's cheek. "I love you and I never want to be separated from you again. It's an emptiness that I never want to experience again."

Alex closed her eyes and took a long breath. "Before I went to the Institute, I knew I loved you. When I was there, there came a point where you were..." Alex opened her eyes and looked through her. "You were in danger and I…" Piper watched Alex's eyes become distant. "I knew had to protect you no matter the cost." Alex took a shuttering breath, "That night at the Starlight, the yao guai was running at you." Alex shook her head at her with a small smile, "You're too important for me to lose and I was determined to protect you."

Piper leaned forward, capturing her lips. She already had too many questions flying through her head to ask. She wiped the tears from her face, kissing her cheek, down her jaw toward her ear. She let her lips graze Alex's heated skin. Piper put her forehead against Alex's. "Why would someone like you ever want someone like me?"

Alex pulled away from her, "Is that supposed to be a joke?" She asked confused.

Piper shook her head, "I… I'm not joking. I'm loud, pushy, and constantly getting in over my head…"

"You're unapologetically optimistic, eternally compassionate, and inspirational to people you don't even know. You confront everything that's wrong with the Commonwealth and fearlessly work to make it better. You've encouraged me to see the Commonwealth in a positive light when I couldn't get past the nightmare. Every day that I'm with you, you've challenged me to be a better person."

Piper could feel her mouth go slack with her impassioned answer. "How do you always know what to say?"

Alex shook her head and pushed her forehead against Piper's, "I'm telling you how I see you." Alex sat up and kissed her forehead. Alex leaned against the bar and took her chin in her hand. "You are a breathtakingly amazing woman, Piper. That's why I fell in love with you."

Piper sat closer to her, moving to face her fully. She could feel her blush working its way into her chest. She took Alex's hands in her own, being careful not to pull on Alex's arm. "I've loved you for so long, Blue." She thought about what was going through her mind and everything she wanted to say. "I've gone on the road with you whenever possible just to be close to you."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't know how to." Piper stared at their hands trying to come up with a better answer. "How do you tell the most amazing person you ever met all that?"

Alex grinned at her "Piper, you are the most amazing person I've met in a very long time, and I am in love with you."

Piper laughed, embarrassed by the obviousness of her statement. "Nat thinks I'm dense for not saying anything sooner."

"You aren't dense, Piper." Alex pulled her right hand free of Piper's and rubbed her scars. "But I am curious how long 'so long' means."

"Over two years now." She looked at Alex apologetically, watching Alex tip her head back against the wall in disbelief. "I'm garbage when it comes to talking about my feelings. Especially when it comes to you or Nat." She hooked her hair behind her ear thinking about the past. "Wandering off with you was the best decision I've ever made." Piper threaded their fingers together.

Alex rolled her head along the wall to face her. "I take back what I said. I think we're both dense."

The comment made Piper laugh. "Maybe a little."

"I would have said something sooner, but after our trip to Sanctuary, I didn't think you'd receive it well."

Piper pulled the blankets around her and scooted up next to Alex, pulling Alex's arm around herself. "Why?"

Alex brushed Piper's long hair over her right shoulder. "Because I heard what you said to Mama Murphy. I thought you weren't looking for a relationship, especially one with someone like me."

"Someone like you? Blue, I've needed someone like you in my life for a long time. I just didn't think people like you existed until I met you." She looked at their hand and tried to think which time in Sanctuary she could mean. "I honestly don't remember what conversation that would have been."

"We caught up with Preston after securing the trade route from Diamond City. You were working on an article and Mama Murphy came to visit us at the shop. We were busy working on the heater in the back and you two were talking in the front room. When she asked you if you were seeing anyone, you told her no and that you didn't have time for a relationship."

It dawned on Piper which conversation she was talking about, and she cringed.

"I heard her ask if you weren't selling yourself short. You said that you weren't sure how long a relationship would last in a hail of gunfire. You also told her you were on the road more because you were afraid of being a bad influence on Natalie." Piper looked at Alex who was staring at the ceiling. "Then she asked you about me and I heard you laugh and tell her there wasn't a chance of that happening. I figured my feelings would eventually go away knowing you weren't interested. I needed to be just glad for your company if I wanted to keep it."

"Blue, I'm so sorry you took it that way. I didn't know you could hear us talking. I didn't think someone like you could ever want someone like me, that's why I laughed. I was nervous and laughing at myself, not you."

"I didn't know that, Piper." Alex lifted her head from that wall and let out a sad sigh. "I figured at that point if I ever said a word about how I felt, I'd never see you again because it would just ruin things. It was part of the reason why I didn't come back right after everything with the Institute. I couldn't handle it… I didn't have anything left to live for."

The look Alex wore made Piper regret ever saying anything so callous. "I didn't mean it the way you took it. I wish you would have talked to me."

"And say what? I took what you said at face value, Piper. Just like I always do. I wasn't going to talk with you about it after that because I knew you were being honest with her." Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Open the bottom drawer of the nightstand and take out the bottle that's in there, please."

Piper slid out of the bed and open the drawer retrieving the green bottle. She looked at the old label, but in the darkness couldn't read it.

She opened it and smelled the sweet, fruity, fermented scents of the solvent contents.

"Taste it."

Piper grinned at her, taking a sip from the bottle. "Gosh, that's good!" She handed the open bottle to Alex.

"That's three hundred and fifty-three-year-old scotch. It should be heavenly at this point." Alex took a long drink from the bottle. "I was surprised when I found it." Alex handed it back to Piper.

Piper tilted the bottle taking another sip. "It's pretty fantastic, to be honest." She cozied up to Alex and rested against her. Piper watched her take a drink and let the bottle sit on her lap. She considered everything Alex said. "I can't imagine what losing a child is like. I just know that it terrifies me that something could happen to Nat."

Alex wiped her eyes and Piper watched her struggle with her emotions. Alex took another long drink from the bottle.

Piper watched her slowly consume the contents, realizing what she was doing. "That isn't going to help, Blue." Piper pulled the bottle from her hands and set it on the nightstand. "You can't drink away your pain." Piper snatched her cigarettes from the nightstand and lit one. She took a long drag and handed it to Alex. "Talking helps and I just happen to be an excellent listener."

"He wasn't a child," Alex said angrily. "He was a grown man." Piper watched her face contort with rage. "A twisted, horrible man." Alex didn't bother to wipe the new tears away.

Piper sat there stunned. "I don't understand. You said he was a baby when he was taken."

Alex's lower lip trembled as she gritted her teeth. "Shaun was almost a year old when we went into the vault. I had no idea how much time had passed between when Kellogg murdered Nate and kidnapped Shaun to when I came out of cryo." Alex balled the blanket in her fist. "I didn't know until I found Shaun and he told me."

Slowly, the pieces began to fall into place in Piper's head. "How long was it if he was a grown man?"

Alex took her cigarette from her. "He was sixty-two years old."

Piper couldn't respond.

Alex took a drag from the cigarette with her eyes closed. "He was the one that had me removed from cryogenesis." She took another drag before continuing. 'My god damned son wanted to know if I'd survive in this world on my own. He didn't give a single fuck that I was his mother or that Nate was dead. He called Nate's death 'unfortunate collateral damage'. He told me he'd lived his entire life not questioning where his parents were; that he'd known as an adult but couldn't be bothered to wake me. He didn't give a shit about me or Nate until he found out he had cancer, then he wondered 'what if'. I didn't understand how he could be so cold and unfeeling. He was my first thought when I came out of cryo sleep. I let finding him consume me and when I finally did, I hated what I had found."

Piper took the cigarette from her. "God damn, Blue." She took a hit from it, "I don't know what to say." She ran her hand over Alex's arm thinking as she smoked. She tried desperately to cobble together any lucid thought. "If he lived sixty-two years… how old are you?"

"I knew you'd ask me that question." Alex wiped her face with her hand and looked at Piper. "I'm two hundred and forty-four years old."

Piper just stared at her. The comprehension of what she was saying was only just beginning to take shape. "Blue, were you… you were alive before the war? You know what it was like before the bombs fell?"

Alex nodded. "I was nineteen when the Sino-American war started. I was in college in Boston and Nate had joined the Army that summer. We were married when he came home from his first tour. He was in the Infantry, and I worked on my law degree. I eventually passed the bar and started to practice law. In January of twenty seventy-seven, I had Shaun. That October the bombs dropped."

"No wonder you had that fish out of water look when I met you. That must have been one hell of a change." Piper threaded her brow together remembering the book Alex had given her, "Blue, what's your full name?"

Alex laughed with her confusion. "Alexandra Dare Sterling. Sterling was Nate's last name. My maiden name was Jones." She kissed Piper on the cheek, "I wrote that book I gave you. I thought you'd either find it interesting or it would help you sleep at night."

"Well, I'll find out when I get a minute with it." Alex chuckled while Piper crushed the cigarette out and ran her hands over her hair. "What did Shaun do at the Institute?"

Alex took her hand and held it for a minute, no longer laughing. "Piper, I need you to understand something. Shaun and I are not the same person. After the first year of his life, I had no contact with him. I was frozen and the passage of time happened around me, but not to me." The tone she had, Piper rarely heard.

"I understand that, Blue. But that doesn't answer…" She looked into Alex's eyes.

"He was the Director, Piper."

Piper's mouth fell open while Alex's face became a stony mask. Piper reached for the scotch. She looked at Alex as she took a long drink.

"We aren't the same person, Piper. I don't share his beliefs. I really need to hear you say you understand that."

Piper nodded slowly, licking her lips. "I do, Blue. I understand that you aren't, or we wouldn't be where we are right now. It's just… Preston didn't say much about you or your son." The light burn of the scotch made its way into her stomach. "How was I in danger?"

"There's an old saying, 'The pen is mightier than the sword'." Alex contemplated her. "It was why Freedom of the Press was so important to the founding fathers of the United States. Your paper had become a liability to the Institute." Alex pulled the bottle from her hand and took a drink from it. "I wanted to know my son. I'd hoped he'd become like his father, a good and caring man. I learned he was a tyrant raised by monsters."

She took another drink and pushed the bottle into Piper's hands. "So, I played along and convinced him I was his understanding mother. That his agenda was mine as well." She gritted her teeth in a fresh wave of anger, "I'd be damned if my child would destroy humanity under the guise of being its savior. I got messages to Desdemona and Preston. They knew everything that was happening in the Institute as I worked to undermine Shaun."

Piper shifted next to her not wanting to interrupt.

"That article you wrote about replacing people and taking tech, got their attention. Shaun wanted you and Nat killed." Alex took Piper's hand, "I convinced him there was another way to get you out of the Institute's hair and help push 'our' agenda. I knew it would buy me time to keep you safe."

"You told him to replace me."

Alex nodded slowly. "It would take them a week to grow a synth once you were slated. I told Shaun that I knew a way to kill two birds with one stone. That you had a deep contact in the Railroad and if he sent me, I could get you both. At that point, he trusted me because I led the corsairs in getting rid of the Brotherhood."

Piper took a drink of the scotch noticing that the bottle was significantly lighter. "Blue, I'm not a synth am I?" Piper gave her a worried look.

"No, doll, you aren't. They never made it that far. We made sure of it, and we went through their records to find all the synths they had released or lost." Alex ran the back of her fingers over Piper's nude chest, "You are very human."

Piper caught her hand and held it.

Alex looked at the bottle but didn't reach for it. "After I gained his trust, Shaun named me the new director of the Institute. He said I was the only person he trusted with the future because I was the only one who knew our past."

"What?" Piper felt her stomach drop out. "Did you accept?"

"I did."

Piper could feel herself getting angry. "Why would you accept that?"

Alex pulled their hands to her lips and kissed Piper's fingers. "Piper, with Desdemona and Preston's help, and my new position, we moved secretively to get the synths and doctors out of the Institute that was on our side or wanted out." Alex pulled her closer and Piper relaxed. "Cait and I returned to the Institute with a Railroad operative in your place. I destroyed the frame they'd made of you while Cait put a bullet in the doctor's head that created your replacement. We set a bomb on the reactor and blew the Institute to hell where it belongs. My son died thinking I was going to move the Institute into the future, not nuke it off the face of the Earth." Tears welled in Alex's eyes again. "While we were gathering everyone, I found out he left me a gift when he died." She sneered at the word and Piper squeezed her hand.

"What gift?" She watched the tears slip from Alex's eyes and reached to brush them away.

"A synthetic boy." Alex watched her as she spoke. "Programmed to believe that he was Shaun and that I was his mother." Her face changed with her anger and the insult. "A ten-year-old boy, who would never grow up, like some sick and fucking twisted Peter Pan."

Piper had no idea who Peter Pan was. She watched more tears fall and she pulled Alex to her chest, holding her while she talked. "Cait stopped me from… she told me I'd never forgive myself if I did what I was planning."

Piper closed her eyes guessing what she had intended to do. "She told me it wasn't his fault that he had been created or what he had been made to believe." Alex was trembling in her grief and anger. "We took him to Doctor Amari. I remember telling him he was going to love the tube I put him in, and he'd think it was fun. His smile when he got in excitedly…" Piper stroked her hair listening quietly. "Cait and I left the moment the door closed. I couldn't be there not after everything, and Cait never said a word. She just followed me out the door."

If anytime ever called for a cigarette, this was it in Piper's mind. She let go of Alex and grabbed the pack.

"By the time we got to Sanctuary, I didn't feel like me anymore. I felt so hollow… so empty inside. Nothing made my grief or anger end."

Piper lit the cigarette shaking. Alex's emotions tore at her while she listened.

"Preston had gotten a message about Raiders near Nuka World, so I left. Cait just wanted to shoot someone, so she came with me." Alex took the cigarette from Piper's shaky hand. "I spent three months trying to get myself killed and Cait spent three months trying to keep me alive. At one point she offered to put the bullet in me herself just to make sure didn't get herself killed." Alex took another long drink from the scotch and handed the bottle to Piper.

"Nuka World was a cesspool of the worst humans imaginable. Slave traders, rapists, murderers the entire lot. The people they had captured were used, abused, and murdered. We got pulled into a three-way battle with different groups there. I killed the over-boss after they made us go through their gauntlet. Cait was so strung out on chems at that point I wasn't sure she was going to make it. Then again, it might have been the only thing keeping us both alive."

Alex took a drag from the cigarette and held it. When she exhaled, she gave Piper a measured look. "It took three months to hunt every one of the bastards down. We shot the last guy in front of the people he'd raped. I didn't feel a fucking thing when I killed him." Alex leaned against the bar and took a long drag from the cigarette handing it back to Piper. "After the Minutemen showed up, Cait wanted me to help her get clean. She wasn't in good shape when we got to vault ninety-five and I'm not sure how she even made it. We spent the next month treating her addiction. I think helping Cait saved my life. She required so much support that I couldn't be the angry and unfeeling monster I'd become. I had to find myself to comfort her."

Piper smoked in silence waiting for Alex to continue.

"Cait and I made our way back to Diamond City after that. She said she wanted a cold shitty beer to celebrate getting clean." Alex chuckled at the irony.

Piper found herself watching Alex. "Did you want to come back?"

"Honestly? No." Alex quietly contemplated her. "The thought of seeing you again was painful. I hadn't seen you for seven months and I figured you'd…" Alex paused studying her. "I figured you'd find someone sooner rather than later and I didn't want to know if you had. I had planned to leave the Commonwealth, but I wanted to make sure Cait made it safely back."

Piper took the last hit of the cigarette and put it out. "Why didn't you leave?"

"I didn't expect you to be home. You and I had spent so much time out on the road that when Cait and I walked through the gate that night, it didn't occur to me you'd be here." Alex ran her finger down Piper's arm. "Then you both ran over and hugged me." Alex smiled at her. "I saw Cait's smile when you did. She knew how I felt about you and that I adore Nat. It's like she knew what would happen when we got there, and she planned for it."

Piper set everything on the nightstand and cuddled up against Alex. "When you walked in my heart stopped. I didn't recognize you at first wearing all that leather." She sighed thinking back. "But that explains why you looked so surprised when you saw us." She pulled Alex's arm around herself. "When I hugged you, I knew I didn't want to let you go."

"Is that why you invited me to your place that night?" Alex kissed her ear.

"Yup, that'd be why." Piper smiled at her. "I knew how I felt about you and didn't want you to leave again. Preston told me you were in a bad way after we all watched the Institute explosion. He told me about Nuka World and what you'd found there." She rubbed her face, brushing her hair back over her ear. "I didn't know if I'd see you again. Then you walked in that night. I didn't want you to leave, and I needed a way to get you to stay. But I didn't dare to tell you how I felt and I'm sorry I didn't."

Piper held up the nearly empty bottle and Alex shook her head, "If I drink any more of that, I'll start speaking with a brogue. You can finish it. I need to get some water; I'll bring you some too."

Piper tipped the bottle back enjoying the warmth that rolled down her throat. The alcohol had worked its magic in her body since they'd started drinking it; loosening her limbs and making her feel warm all over. She could hear Alex rustling around downstairs and let her thoughts slip to their evening together. Their night had opened Alex up to her in a way that being on the road together hadn't. Alex wasn't an emotionally driven person which was why the rawness of her emotions affected Piper. Or it could have been the booze, she wasn't really sure. Either way, their night had been a journey.

Alex came up the steps, a pack of cigarettes in her mouth and two cold glasses of water. Piper knelt on the bed, taking the glass from her left hand and the pack from her mouth. "You thought of everything, huh?"

"Hope so." Alex gave her a smile and started to take a long drink.

"You know, Blue." Piper ran her fingers over her stomach muscles. "You are one well-preserved relic."

Alex choked on her water laughing. "Are you trying to drown me?"

"Only if I get to resuscitate you," Piper grinned at her taking a drink of her water.

Alex took one last drink and set the half-empty glass down on the dresser, climbing in next to Piper who was still kneeling. Piper watched her smile with a small swallow. Alex captured her nipple, letting her tongue and the cold water roll against it.

Piper almost dropped her glass. "Oh, holy shit," she choked out. Alex's hand caressed her side and back, and her other hand traced Piper's stomach.

Alex swallowed the rest of the water with a smile. "Feel like having fun with your well-preserved relic?"

"Well, I think I can be talked into it." Piper put the glass on the nightstand and climbed under the covers. She held them up for Alex, "Sleep is overrated anyways."

Alex laughed, climbing in next to her. Piper ran her fingers through Alex's hair with a smile and kissed her.