CHAPTER TWO
(BPOV)
Deafening silence was always too loud for me. It was when my thoughts were the worst, when they would taunt me the most.
I sat alone with my thoughts on the porch under the warm glow of the overhead string lights my mother had strung along the wooden planks a few months ago, her passion for decor never wavering despite the move here. I had to admit, she had a way of making whatever house we occupied a home, and part of me admired her for that.
The distant sound of the crashing waves were seeming to be of no comfort for me tonight.
My mind wouldn't rest.
What Renee had said before had struck a nerve with me. She saw it, and I knew she recognized the look of guilt on my face at the mention of Jacob.
His name echoed out in my mind and I struggled to ignore the ache in my chest from it.
I missed him. So much.
He filled my dreams at night, in both human and wolf form. Some of them seemed so real that I could almost feel his embrace in them, as if it were tangible.
I took a sip from my now cold tea and swayed back and forth on the porch swing.
Renee wasn't wrong, I did want to know how his life was now. Wanted to know if it was as full of love as I'd always prayed it would be. He deserved that and nothing less.
After another hour passed, my eyes grew too heavy to fight off sleep any longer and I turned in for the night.
My sleep was anything but peaceful and when I'd grown weary of tossing and turning, I got up and headed for the one place of true solitude I had come to find respite in since we moved here.
The beach.
Though it was desolate and dark, somehow the empty shore and crashing waves brought me a sense of comfort. I sat in the sand, seeing the moonlights glow touch the water below and debating on whether or not a late night phone call to Charlie would help ease my mind.
I reached in my back pocket and retrieved my cell phone, the screen lit with the time of past one in the morning.
He would be sleeping and probably think something was wrong with Renee or myself, but I dialed anyway. He picked up after only the third ring.
"Hello?"
"Hi, dad." I sighed, with a slight smile of relief touching my face. "Did I wake you?"
"No, I was just getting ready to turn in for the night. What's wrong? Everything okay with you and your mom?" He worriedly asked.
"Yeah, everything's fine here. I was just calling to see how you were."
"At half past one in the morning your time?" He questioned, with a hint of amusement in his tone.
"Well, I forget about the time difference sometimes."
"Easy to do-"
He paused then, his tone growing far away as he bid someone goodnight in the background.
"You have company- I- I'm sorry. I'll call you in the morning, dad."
"No, No. It's alright, Bella. Billy here was just getting ready to head on home. His ride just got here. We just finished watching a movie and had some steaks for dinner."
I only caught half of what he said, my attention now distracted by the familiar warm baritone I'd barely caught lingering after Billy's.
"Oh... sounds like fun-" I managed, listening closely to the background chatter happening at Charlies.
In that moment all I wanted was to be there with them.
"It was a good time." He replied. "So what's on your mind to call your dear old dad at this hour?"
"Nothing important. Just missed you I guess." I truthfully told him.
"I miss you too."
That's when I heard it, the unmistakeable chuckle that carried over the phone as my father offered up a "Night son, see ya later."
My eyes stung with the threat of tears I hadn't seen coming. The very sound of that laughter stealing away all my thoughts or prior conversation.
"Bella?' Charlie soon hedged, "Did I lose you?"
"N-No." I forced out, "I'm still here."
"Sorry about that."
"W-was that-... I though I heard-..."
"Yeah, it was." Charlie admitted, without me needing to finish the question. "Jake came tonight with his dad. It was nice. Don't get to see much of him anymore."
Charlie cleared his throat as the awkward silence dragged out between us over the line.
"Um- I really should be going. I'm actually pretty tired all of a sudden so-"
"You're a bad liar, kiddo. I hope Renee hasn't got you into gambling while in Florida cause I'm sure you have an even worse poker face."
"Yeah, that's why I always steer clear of the casino." I half joked in return.
"Smart move on your part." Charlie agreed.
"Probably."
"So, how is your mom? She seem to be doing alright?"
"For the most part. She stays busy. You know mom."
"It's good for her to be busy right now. I remember when she and I first separated, I worked as much over time at the station as I could get my hands on."
"She does the same. Just with home projects, instead of work."
"Hey, whatever makes her happy is all good, I say." He agreed. "Divorce, as you know, is hard."
"Sure is." I agreed, idly playing with the cool sand in my free hand as the question lingering on my lips refused to leave.
"You can ask, you know?" Charlie hedged, sensing my mood even from this considerable distance.
"Ask what...-" I replied, feigning ignorance.
"About him-... about Jacob, Bella. You can ask me. It's okay to do that, you know. You're not a married woman anymore. Haven't been a for a bit now. Truth be told, it's getting harder and harder for me to pretend all is well with you. To keep pretending that you're still married to Edward and living in Alaska with the Cullens."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I just don't understand why you don't want Jacob or Billy to know you've left-"
"Because I don't- dad, alright?"
My clipped tone had silenced any other thoughts he had on the matter and I immediately regretted it.
"He's never stopped asking, Bella."
"Wha-"
"If I hear from you. If you text or get in touch with me at all. Jacob's never stopped asking me. Every time I see him, he asks if I've heard from you. It's not a good feeling to always lie to him and say no."
"I didn't mean to put you in that position. It's selfish of me. I know."
"What are you so afraid of? Why don't you want him to know that you've left Edward. If you think he's gonna pull some I told you so move, clearly you don't know him as well as you think."
"I know better than that."
"Then what is it."
"It's many things. Too many to delve into over the phone." I admitted. "But I promise I have my valid reasons and I need you to just believe me with this. It's for the best that he doesn't know. It just is."
"If you say so." Charlie huffed, clearly more confused and somewhat annoyed now.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, but if he finds out somehow that you're not with Edward anymore and that you're in Florida with your mother, there isn't gonna be a thing I can do to cover for you. That will be something you have to face head on, like it or not. Jacobs a smart guy, he's gonna catch on sooner or later that something isn't right with all this."
"I know."
"Sure do miss you around here. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a big selfish part of me that wants you to come back home."
"I missing being home too, dad. I think that's why I'm calling at this hour. I'm a bit homesick."
"Well, the door is always open to you, day or night. You know that." Charlie offered.
"I do and I love you for it."
"Alright, kiddo. As Glad as I am to get your call, I'm turning in soon. Talk in the morning?"
"Sounds good. Love you." I replied.
"Love you more. Goodnight. Say hi to your mom for me."
"I will. Goodnight, dad. Talk to you soon."
I ended the call and headed back for the beach house, my steps slow and my mind spinning from hearing that laugh again.
The last time I'd seen him was burnt into my memory, his desperate and heated words still echoed out in my mind every time I recalled the last dance we shared at that farce of a wedding.
I had never felt such emptiness as I did when I heard his agonizing howl fill the forest as Edward and I drove off for our honeymoon that night.
It still filled my nightmares on occasion.
What I wouldn't give to go back and listen to him then.
It would've changed everything. Would've saved me from a lot of hurt and pain. From myself.
A/N: Okay guys so I miss writing. Please let me know if any of your are still following my stuff and if you'd like me to continue with this. Thanks!