Chapter 32: Promise
Scott's POV
The gentle rock of the boat as it cascaded through the rough waters was nauseating, even more so than the smell of mold and rotted wood. Efi wasn't kidding when she said she knew some junkers, as this was the best they had.
For a few seconds, I truly wondered what Efi had done all those years on her own before we met, seeing as how she seems weathered beyond her years and capable of almost anything. She brokered a deal with two men who were even less human looking than I was, all while laughing like they were old pals. Hell, she's sailing this hunk of junk like it's nothing, fixing up the engine a few hours after I had dropped to the ground in the junkyard behind her.
I frowned, realizing I wouldn't be able to get any stories like that out of her, what with her scowling any time I looked her way. Efi had barely spoken to me, only talking to Hanzo who was helping me through the worst of my recovery after my... reckless attack on Olivia. It was easier than calling it the suicide attempt it really was.
I fucked up the one healthy relationship I've made with another person in almost half a decade. Efi would look at me, then turn away instantly. Her eyes reminded me even more of Lena's, now with even more of her innocence sucked away by my shortcomings.
For some reason, that made my nausea even worse.
Alone in the cabin, I tried to steady my breathing to prevent myself from throwing up. I was never like this, I've never gotten sick since I was rebuilt by Talon what felt like a lifetime ago. But a few bumpy waves are enough to drive me to puking what little I've eaten overboard.
Hanzo tells me that it's just my foolishness catching up with me, a small smirk spreading on my lips as I thought of how often he used that word, but I knew the truth.
I wasn't seasick, I wasn't recovering from Midori, at least not anymore than usual.
I was just scared.
No doubt Efi was up top steering us towards Gibraltar, towards a reunion with whatever is left there after all these years. I wondered for a moment if anyone was still there, or if all that remained was a haunted reminder of all my failures.
The fear in the pit of my stomach was enough to fill me with a shame I couldn't describe, my titanium fingers tightening their grip on the counter I was leaning on for support.
I couldn't run from it anymore. I was headed back there with nothing to show for the years I've been away, aside from more scars and a different hair color.
Staring back at the creature in the mirror, I scowled in disgust at what remained of me. Scars littered my naked torso, burns slowly fading into a light pink as the skin healed over. My hair fell in my face, loose strands poking out behind my ears even after I tucked them away. My dark, sunken eye trembled and even without the white hair I had aged what seemed like a decade these past few years.
There was a time when I worried about how I'd impress Olivia, or what I'd wear, so full of life and hope. Now what was I? A pale imitation of who I once was and those I had loved? A ghost cursed to forever wander the earth in search of a peace I'll never find?
'You ran away. You turned your back on the one reason you still draw breath.' Reinhardt's voice boomed in my skull, rattling my teeth as I groaned.
Here they were again, back to remind me of how useless I was to the dead who still cling to me, demanding penance for what I caused.
"Please... I can't do this anymore..."
My voice cracked as I spoke, lip quivering in fear of the disdain of those I failed so long ago.
'Coward. You had her in your sights! But you forsook us yet again, for some child and the man who tried to murder me!'
Genji was never far behind, always demanding more from me, even as his own blade drained the life out of me and sapped my strength away. I could barely stand, legs threatening to buckle underneath the pressure and make me topple over again.
"You know that's not true. It's a mistake he's trying to correct with every step he takes." I defended Hanzo instinctively, whether that be out of some sentimentality for the man or due to our shared past of failing those we loved, I couldn't tell.
'And what would you know of correcting mistakes? All you've done is spread more misery, spilled the blood of those who were never even there! Rather than die fighting the woman responsible, you fled, slunk away to hide like a rat. What a joke.'
Angela was berating me, much like she did when she was alive, but that care behind her words was gone, replaced with a spite I couldn't bear to listen to.
I looked back up at the mirror, remaining eye twitching, the urge to throw up again getting stronger.
'But no joke will ever outdo the first, eh? All of us died, murdered, while you, you got to live, even after all that you did.'
Now Jesse was there, his once soothing voice now rasping in my ear, a chill running up my spine causing me to lose control.
Scowling, my senses came flooding back to me, my fist having already shattered the glass of the mirror in front of me, shards tumbling down to the floor.
'You can smash all the mirrors you want. You know there's only one true escape.' Their voices were one now, echoing in my mind, before fading.
The boat rocked again, my eye never moving from the now cracked reflection staring at me. Pulling my hand away from the mirror, I sighed and tried to wash my face. When nothing but muddied, brown water spurted out of the faucet, I did my best not to break it in a fit of rage as I turned it back off.
The door behind me creaked open, paranoid eye snapping to Hanzo as he entered quietly. He had let his hair down for now, seeming casual for once, only sporting a black shirt and pants. His hair seemed much longer now, adding an elegance to the man I didn't think possible.
Shaking the odd thoughts away, I tried to hide my trembling from his peering eyes. "Apologies for the intrusion, I heard glass breaking."
Frowning, I didn't turn to look at him. "Yeah. Slipped." I grumbled, still hunched over the counter.
He leaned up against the frame of the door, scowling. "You need to be resting. Midori could've killed you. If you don't get yourself killed first, that is."
Sighing, I finally turned to face him, his sharp nose scrunching upwards at me. "I really don't need this. Not now. Not from you."
"Who would better understand? Do you think I never struggled to control myself?"
Attempting to stride past him through the doorway, he put a firm hand on my chest, just below my collarbone. He locked his gaze with mine, not budging.
"Learn to listen or you will not be so lucky next time. You only draw breath because Efi convinced me you were worth saving."
Glancing up at him, my hand clenched into a fist. "And? Any regrets?" I asked, earning a cold glare. "I'm still not sure. You seem adamant on killing yourself."
Trying to turn the other cheek, I forced myself to let go of the tension in my jaw. "Get out of my way. I don't need your help."
Forcing myself past him, I bumped his shoulder with mine, pushing him to the side. "Needing it is without a doubt. But whether or not you seem to want it is still up in the air."
"Look, I didn't ask for you to come along with. You don't like the way I do things, then fuck off. I don't need you. I'm not letting chances to avenge my family slip by me. You want to sulk in the shadows? Fine, but don't get in my way."
His scowl tightened, wrinkles forming on his brow as he squared his shoulders with mine. "Get in your way?" Hanzo asked, astonishment spreading across his features. "You would've died without my help, or even better yet, Efi's! But not once have I heard you show gratitude for the kindness she's shown. She never hesitated to go and save you, even when you tossed her aside to partake in some suicide run!"
"And what difference does it make?! I never asked for saving!"
Hanzo's fist connected with my jaw so fast I barely knew what happened by the time I stumbled back into the wall.
"You want to die. Be rid of all the troubles and anguish that follows you. But even then you're too weak to take the easy way out. So instead you drag innocent people into the crossfire, including a girl you pretend to care about, never once stopping to think about what you're doing! Or who you're even doing it for!"
I struggled to push myself up to my feet on my own, muscles still aching from my wounds. "Everything I do, I... I do for them. For Genji." I replied, spitting a glob of blood onto the floor.
"Bullshit. Everything you've been doing is for your own selfish revenge. Tell me, you think you honor Genji with the blood of random Talon thugs?"
My blood was boiling just beneath my skin, but for once I was too weak to act on it. Too weak and too ashamed. A part of me knew he was right.
My eye remained locked on the floor, not daring to look at Hanzo as he towered over me. The same hand he struck me with was now offered to help me up.
Looking up at him, I stumbled beneath his gaze. "I still hear his voice. Sometimes at night, I hear him, all of them, calling out to me. Begging me to save them."
Hanzo stood there motionless, but his lips softened into a small grin. It comforted me somehow.
"We will avenge him. But not at the cost of forsaking everything he stood for." His hand was still outstretched, waiting for me to take his hand.
"I'm scared, okay? E-even now, I can't go to his grave, I can't pretend that I deserve to be there." I muttered, startled as his hand finally grabbed mine and ripped me up from the floor.
Our faces were nearly touching, my breathing hitching as I stared at him. "He cared for you, saw you for what you could be, not what you were. Even without Shimada blood, Midori answers your call all the same. No mere acquaintance could summon him. He is an extension of Genji, a constant reminder of him."
He didn't back away from me, nor did his eyes shift from my scarred visage.
"I barely remember what he looked like before... before-"
"Scott." Hanzo interjected, hand still firmly gripping mine. The light reflecting in his eyes spoke a million different words, offering assurances I'd never sought from someone. Offering warmth I didn't think I deserved.
"Both of us must take the time to grieve. To accept his loss. To pay our respects. To let go of our guilt. I don't think I'm strong enough to do it on my own either. But with you, with you I believe I may have a chance. So in some foolish, selfish way, I need you alive for far more than your skill with a blade."
Hanzo smiled and a part of me felt some emotion I hadn't felt in years. I felt remarkably hotter than I was moments ago, nausea worsening for a reason I didn't understand.
"There is more to us than just our grief and our mistakes. I... I see myself in you, from years ago. I hope to spare you from the worst of it." Hanzo admitted, and I had been left hanging on his every word.
"You... you don't gotta try and make me feel better." I replied, stepping away from him, realizing I had been naked from the waist up this entire time.
"Then I won't. You've been a, how can I put this, selfish prick." He smirked, earning a chuckle from me.
"That's more like it. For what it's worth, I'm sorry."
He scratched at his chin, his smile having remained for far longer than I had ever seen it stay. "Save it for the girl, she's who really deserves it."
Snatching my old turtleneck from the floor, I began to dress so I could try and talk with Efi. I wanted to smooth things over with her. Hanzo was right. I put them all in danger, her most of all. She didn't hesitate to come and rescue me. Once again, I didn't deserve the kindness people showed me.
"Apologies for punching you." Hanzo mumbled, seeming uncharacteristically sheepish as he avoided my gaze.
A genuine smile spread across my face, seeing not only aspects of his brother in him, but a man I had arrogantly presumed never existed. A good man. A better man than me.
"You can make it up to me sometime."
Efi's POV
We were past the choppiest parts of the waters, getting within a days sail of Gibraltar. The wind was much cooler out on the water, offering a much needed respite from the hot sun of Numbani. Now that I thought about it, this was the furthest away I'd ever been from Numbani. From home. Some semblance of an emotion passed through me too quick for me to pinpoint exactly what it was.
Turning the rusted wheel of the boat harder than I should've had to, I steered further into open waters, feeling my lack of sleep catching up with me. The moon was almost full, reflecting in the ripples of the water as we passed by.
This boat wasn't half bad, considering I basically got it for free. Definitely helped that Hanzo and Scott were there with me, offering backup in case those junkers got any funny ideas. 'Teamwork, baby.' I thought to myself.
The thought of Scott made me frown, anger rising in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes I wondered why we were even headed out this way, considering he'd rather fling himself into certain doom rather than see what he left behind here.
'We risked our lives for him,' I told myself, 'and this is the thanks we get.' I hoped his burns were even more painful than they looked. He could've gotten us all killed, all for even the slightest chance of landing a blow on that woman.
'What the hell did you expect?' I asked myself, frustration turning inwards as I reflected on the time I've spent with him. He made it clear what was most important to him from the get go. It was my fault for fooling myself into believing he had changed remotely. For thinking for once that we came first.
'I should've left him there.' The thought popped into my mind, though guilt soon followed. 'He saved us in the end, though, didn't he?'
My ambivalent feelings aside, I made a promise to Orisa to never give up on other people. To try and save them, even if they didn't deserve it. Especially if they didn't deserve it.
Sighing, I rubbed my eyes, trying to keep myself awake. Familiar heavy footsteps sounded from below me as Scott ascended up the deck and towards me. Him and Hanzo must be done shouting about whatever they were arguing over.
Avoiding looking at him, I ignored how childish it made me feel. Besides, I was far more mature than he could ever stand to be.
"Hey." He muttered, hands in his pockets as he leaned against the small walls of the fishing boat. Was he... nervous?
"Hey." I replied, voice barely above a whisper. Focusing on the waters ahead, I tried to avoid speaking.
"Mind if I take it for a spin?" He asked, causing me to glance at him. His messy hair was swept behind his ears, poking out behind his neck as looked at me. He didn't wear any armor or gear, just his turtleneck. Seeing him like that was odd. Made him seem like any other average guy, scars excluded.
"I've driven one before, long time ago. Back with, you know." He trailed off, sighing lightly.
Going against my better judgment, I took my hands of the wheel and stepped to the side, watching as he sat on the chair with a thud, nearly breaking it.
"Thanks. Helps clear my head." Scott mumbled, never big on saying thank you. 'Understatement of the year right there, Efi.'
I fiddled with my hands nervously, reminded of how awkward our interactions were before everything that happened with us. 'Before he tricked me into thinking he'd grown as a human being.'
"So," Scott whistled awkwardly, tapping his mechanical finger along the wheel.
"If you're here because Hanzo told you to apologize, you can just forget it. I'm over it and I don't need you coddling me."
Scott glanced at me, seeming hurt for the moment. "I had been meaning to say it for a while now." He said, earning a scoff from me.
"Yeah, whatever." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. He grumbled under his breath, adjusting in the seat, eye locked onto me.
"Look, what I did, what I said," He began, struggling to find the words like always. "You're such an asshole, you know that?" I snapped.
Scott lowered himself in the seat, lips tightening into a thin white line as he nodded his head. "Efi..."
"I thought that you cared about me, that you wouldn't just tell me to piss off like that! That I actually had someone, for once in my fucking life! You made me think I had someone I could fucking depend on!"
"Like everyone else I've ever met, you just want to up and fucking leave me! Just die like all the rest! That or drop me off in some fucking orphanage, like some fucking lost puppy you don't want to take care of anymore!"
He sat there silently, as if waiting for me to get everything off my chest. It only infuriated me more. "You want to get yourself killed, fine! Like I give a shit! Next time I won't be there to save your sorry ass! See how far you get without me scraping you off the fucking pavement like always!"
Silence was all that was left between us, as I ignored my obvious bluffs, even trying to fool myself into thinking I wouldn't care if he died. The fact that I was fighting tears in my eyes was enough to discredit that, but he was probably too dense to even notice.
"I'm scared."
Turning to him, his lip quivered for a moment. He didn't look at me, as if he couldn't bear crying in front of me again.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I scowled.
"I've been scared ever since I met you." Scott stated, still not looking me in the eye.
I stopped, confused as to what he was trying to say.
"You remind me of Lena. You've got this innocence, but at the same time you're someone weathered beyond your years. You've seen misery, death, pain, but you keep moving forward. You don't let it define you. And you're far too nice to people like me."
Opening my mouth to speak, I paused, for once intent on letting him speak during this spat.
"Even when I do all these unspeakable things, say the most vile shit I can think of, you keep trying to save me."
"What, so I'm supposed to feel bad because you're an asshole to me, but you just can't help it?" I asked, anger rising in my voice again.
He shook his head. "All those times I pushed you away, tried to make you leave, or the times I left... I was trying to keep you distant from me, scare you off so you went somewhere else. Some part of me, as soon as I met you, was reminded of everyone I failed to protect. Of Lena most of all."
"That day that I lost... that I lost them..." He shut his eye, trying to steady his breathing. "Lena was screaming, begging for my help, right in front of me. I was powerless to help her. I couldn't protect her, just like I couldn't protect anyone else. All while Olivia just fucking smiled."
Watching someone as strong as Scott begin to break down, I couldn't help but step closer to him, subconsciously wanting to comfort him. I didn't dare touch him, almost fearful that he'd shatter if I held his hand.
"Everything that I have ever touched turns to shit. All of those people I loved, all gone. Everyone. Everyone, except for you."
He sniffed, hands trembling as he choked down tears he was too embarrassed to shed. "You think I don't care about you? That I don't feel anything when I think of you?" He turned to me and I froze, locked in place as his eye displayed a despair I had never seen in him.
"Scott, I-"
"Efi, I have been petrified by the idea of failing to protect someone ever again. So much so that I would've rather seen you hate my guts and be safe, then to love me and... and..."
"I can't bear that weight anymore. I can't see you die because of me. You, and even Hanzo, as loathe as I am to admit it." A light smile peeked out as he cried, slowly beginning to sob. I smiled at the joke, placing a hand on his head, much like he often did for me.
"When I went to find her... I knew I would die. That was the point." He admitted. I felt tears threaten to reveal themselves as I listened to him, so taken aback by his sudden outburst that I couldn't find the words to comfort him. There was no solace I could give him.
"You weren't supposed to follow me, you fucking morons. I was supposed to die. I wouldn't have posed a threat to you anymore. Everything I come in contact with dies around me, so if it were just me who went instead..."
"Scott. I'm here because I choose to be, same with Hanzo. None of that falls on you. I'm here because... because I fucking care about you, despite your best efforts to piss me off. Is it so hard to believe that I want to be there for you?" I found my voice, though it was shaky.
He looked up at me, his eye red from crying. What I said seemed to touch a part deep inside of him, as if it was affirmation he had longed for for years.
"So when you left, you were just scared to see everyone, right? To see their graves?" I continued.
He swallowed his pride, nodding slowly again. "Pretty fucking pathetic, huh?"
Once again he was trying to deflect his emotions with a joke, so I placed my hands on his and pulled him up to his feet.
"I get it. Really, I do. But we'll visit them together. You won't be alone." I looked up at him, ignoring the waves in the water as they made the boat rock lightly. His scarred face lit up momentarily, relieved to hear me say it.
He pulled me into a tight hug, squeezing hard enough to break my ribs. Scott had never been very good at being gentle, but I just smiled, knowing he was doing his best.
"I'm so fucking sorry... For everything..."
His voice trembled again, but it steadied as I returned the loving hug.
"Just promise me you go on your own ever again." I replied, glancing up at him as he smiled brightly, a tear running down his cheek.
"I promise. Now go try and get some sleep. I'll wake you before I go on any other suicide runs."
Scott nudged me lightly, but I resisted him, struggling to stifle my yawn. "I can't sleep anyways, all this mushy stuff is gonna keep me up."
He chuckled at that, focusing back on steering the boat, glancing at the map for directions. "How 'bout a few stories then? Help tucker you out?"
Laying out on the deck below him, I smiled up at Scott. There was a brightness in his eye, and only now could I recognize that some of his fear and hesitation was gone. Only now do I think I truly understand him.
"Finally!" I exclaimed, stretching my arms before yawning again. "You're telling me how you met everyone in Overwatch! No more glossing over this stuff."
Smiling warmly, Scott shut his eye for a second and sighed. "Just promise you won't fall asleep on me."
I giggled.
"I promise."
Another relatively short chapter, but for once I've actually been punctual and haven't kept everyone waiting for months. So way to go, me!
I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. I've been wanting to keep deepening Scott's relationship with both Efi and Hanzo, but the only way to do so was to finally break him down even more. I enjoy having Hanzo be almost a more mature version of himself, like the events in the Dragons animated short have truly stuck with him, more so now that Genji is gone. And also I've really wanted to have Efi and Scott just hug it out for once, after over 10 chapters. The slow burn was kicking my ass, I can't lie, I just want them to hug and love each other.
Next chapter I'm planning some heartwarming reunions and a few tearful goodbyes. Scott has a lot of catching up to do when it comes to grieving, but I doubt he ever expected to be able to grieve with others who love and accept him again. As per usual, found families are like my favorite trope ever and I don't think that will ever change.
Most importantly, like always, I want to thank each and every one of you for reading the story and keeping up with me throughout this entire process. It's been years and the fact that you all still care is really heartwarming. I'm going to keep working and striving to make this story better and better. Thank you guys so much for the support, it truly means everything.
Till next time, folks!