Paint and Powder
A Star Trek anthology by Andrew Joshua Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager et al are the property of CBS Television, and creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.
The Trouble with Terok
By jhosmer1 and Dramatic Spoon
Deep Space Nine
2373
"She's hiding something,"
Rotarran, Defiant, T'Farii and Morn to be Wild frowned.
"What makes you say that?"
"She's been sneaking around, using the replicators to make food and going into my blind spots."
"You have those?"
"They just blocked off parts that need serious repairs and modifications.
They're working on most of them, but there's still some."
"What do you think she's hiding?"
"Whatever it is, it's probably nothing good."
"Hi Rio!"
Defiant appeared next to the startled avatar.
"What you got there?"
"Uh, nothing."
"….is that Root Beer?"
"Nnnno?"
"…"
"…..you can't tell Terok."
"I already know."
The others appeared.
"What are you keeping on my station?"
"A thing."
"What is it?"
"….ok, fine. Follow me."
Rio gestured as she moved a large piece of debris.
"I found it when I was in Exploring. Poor guy was in bad shape, but now look at him."
Rio placed the bag down and pushed another piece of debris out of the way.
She crouched down and grabbed something.
"I made a little pen for them and I've been feeding them.
Here he is,"
Rio beamed as she spun around and held something out in her arms.
Terok, Rotarran and T'Farii screamed.
"His name is Rene!" Rio smiled as she brought the Tribble closer to her, "I've got a bunch, that one Nana, that one is Arnim, that one is Max, that one is Colin, Alexander, Chase, Mark, Terry, Avery, Mike, Nikki, Rosie, Cirroc, Hana, Penny, Jeff, Aron, Wally, James, May, Susie, Jill, Ruby, Jenny, Annie….And I see a lot more, so I think I need more names."
"Benjamin, I've got an IKV Qa'put requesting to speak with… Terok?"
Terok's holographic avatar appeared in Ops and quickly said. "I can handle them. All the relevant information will be input into the log. You do not have to bother with it."
Captain Sisko looked quizzically at his staff before turning back to the Cardassian AI. "Is there a problem, Terok?"
"No! It's just… personal."
"According to our records, the IKV Qa'put is a… private merchant vessel out of Qo'nos," Major Kira said, though she sounded like she did not believe the part about a private merchant vessel. "Minimal weapons and shields. Scans say she's what she appears to be."
"Of course it is!" Terok said, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.
"Hail them," Sisko said.
"Hailing frequencies open," Kira said.
"Captain…" Terok began, but she was cut off by the viewscreen coming online.
A swarthy, human-looking Klingon appeared on the screen. Unlike most Klingons, however, he was wearing a set of overalls and a toolbelt.
"Qu'pla!" He said with a grin. "I am Kobor, son of Kolax, of the yIH wamwI'mey. We are here for the appointed extermination."
The crew exchanged alarmed looks, except for Dax, who snorted with laughter, and Terok, who was covering her face with her hands.
"Extermination?" Sisko asked, looking fierce. "And who is it you plan to exterminate, Captain Kobor?"
"Benjamin," Dax said, still giggling, "he means it literally. Their company name means 'Tribble Busters.'"
Terok, Worf, Odo, and Sisko stood before the hatch in the Promenade that led to the docking ring. They were awaiting the arrival of Kobor and his crew.
"Why didn't you tell us, Terok?" Sisko asked his station's AI.
"Do you tell everyone before Bashir delouses you?" Terok asked, bitterly. "I told you it was personal!"
The hatch cycled open, and the group beheld a… varied assortment of beings. All wore utilitarian clothes and toolbelts. Kobor, a Klingon bearing the marks of the Klingon Augment Virus, led the way.
He was followed by a human-looking woman who wore Klingon armored pants and a very old Starfleet Science Division shirt from the 2260s. Her toolbelt had several tribble skins hanging from it.
They were followed by two very large Klingons with dark black skin, fanged teeth, and even more pronounced than usual brow ridges. They looked so alike as to be twins, but Sisko could not be sure. They each had two muzzled and chained targs at the end of leashes. The targs sniffed the air and growled, their drool splattering on the deck.
Behind them came a non-Klingon. It was a Gorn, though Sisko was not sure which species of the Hegemony it belonged to. Tall and reptilian, its unblinking silvery-faceted eyes seemed to be looking everywhere and nowhere. It made deep clicking sounds as its tongue darted in and out of its mouth.
"Captain! Good to meet you!" Kobor said, stepping forward. "We'll take care of the pests, don't you worry. May I introduce my second and ship, Qa'put? The name's a bit of a joke," he apologized.
"Captain," Qa'put said formally. "Imperial Klingon Vessel Qa'put, formerly the USS Cabot, requesting permission to come aboard."
"You are a Starfleet AI?" Worf asked, looking dubious. "I was not aware of any serving the Klingon Empire."
"I work for a living," Qa'put said, venomously, "and Starfleet would not take the threat of these petaQ seriously," she added, shaking the tribble furs at her belt.
Kobor coughed and she settled back. "We all take the threat of the yIHmey seriously, Captain," he assured Sisko. "We've seen the ecological and financial ruin they can cause." He gestured to the two large Klingons. "These are Lo'Tar and T'Lar of the huD chuDpu', and they bring their targs to the hunt!"
The two large Klingons grunted.
"Finally, this one is S'gagh, a hunter of great renown of the Gorn Hegemony. She joins us for her own reasons."
"Hunt… meat…" The Gorn said in heavily accented English. Her tongue flicked out again, tasting the air.
"So, where are the tribbles?" Kobor said, holding up a mek'leth.
When Defiant entered Quark's bar, she was surprised to see that the new Klingon arrivals were all present. Kobor was at the bar, talking with Quark. Lo'Tar and T'lar were sitting with Morn, and the three of them were having a vigorous discussion about something, but Defiant could not hear the particulars. Their targs rested at their feet, one asleep, the other gnawing on something furry.
Defiant assumed that Quark chose not to object to the targs presence too loudly.
S'gagh was at the Dabo tables, a girl on each arm, and apparently winning a large stack of latinum. That probably bothered Quark more than the targs, Defiant thought.
Defiant chose to talk to the last member of the crew, though. Qa'put intrigued her. The former Starfleet AI was sitting at the bar, her anti-pick-up-line deflectors obviously at full power. That did not stop some of the drunker or less discerning patrons from trying.
"Hi!" Defiant said, sitting in one of the perpetually empty seats by Qa'put. "I'm Defiant."
Qa'put eyed her, then sighed and said, "Qa'put, but you know that already, if the Tin Can Mafia's gossip channels are as efficient as ever."
Not put off by Qa'put's attitude, Defiant nodded. "It's still good, but I have some questions I'd like to ask…"
"Why did I leave Starfleet to work for a ragtag bunch of Klingons? Why do I hate the tribbles so much?" Qa'put said, with a little acid in her tone.
"No… just… what's it like? Working as a civilian?"
"What?" Qa'put was taken aback for a moment.
"I was put in a warship first thing. My first memories are all of weapons drills and emergency warp speed tests. I was made to fight the Borg, and I've only faced them once, at the Battle of Sector 001, and they left me adrift. But I've fought Jem'Hadar and Klingons and Romulans!" She trailed off, noticing Qa'put was growing visibly bored with this recitation. "Sorry, Dad says it can be bad to boast, but Uncle Worf—"
"There's a time and place for everything," Qa'put interrupted. "I've worked with Klingons long enough, though I don't see the appeal myself." She sighed. "Look, kid—"
"Not a kid," Defiant said automatically.
"Kid, I was one of the early shipgirls, back in the 2250s, so you're a kid to me."
"Wow! Like Enterprise?"
"One of my Captains served on Enterprise," Qa'put said. "My last Starfleet captain." She settled down and said, "If you want the story, it's customary to buy the storyteller a drink," she said. "Klingon Bloodwine if they've got a decent vintage."
"Quark always does, he learned that lesson the hard way," Defiant said, before telling the bartender to put Qa'put's drink on her account.
Qa'put waited for the drink and took a sip before nodding in grudging agreement and continuing her tale. "In 2254, I was in the USS Cabot, NCC-1427, a Magee-class. I was young then, and one of the first AIs chosen for science vessels. Before, we had only been put in the line ships, like the Constitutions, but Starfleet didn't like the optics of only 'warships' having AIs, so they chose a few scientifically minded AIs, like me, to put into science vessels." She took a deep drink of her bloodwine, with some of it running down her chin. Wiping it away, she continued, "My last mission was a disaster."
"What happened? A Temporal Incursion? An anti-time eruption? Romulans? Klingons? Gorn?"
"Tribbles."
"Tribbles?"
The board of inquiry stared stonily at the holographic display that currently showed the avatar of the USS Cabot standing at attention. She wore the usually white uniform shirt of a ship's intelligence and had the Science Division symbol on her Starfleet arrowhead. Her hair was cut in a no-nonsense Vulcan bob.
"Cabot, you spent less than two weeks under the command of Captain Lucerno. In that time, you saw an on board experiment go beyond your control."
"Sir, Dr. Larkin had the authority—"
Admiral Quinn, the stony-faced lead of the board overrode her. "ONE crew member was tragically lost, and the ship itself suffered a total and complete structural failure."
"Sir, I do not believe that Captain Lucerno—"
"AND then, of course, a genetically modified species managed to find its way to the surface of Pragine 63, forcing the evacuation of an entire civilization."
"Again, I believe that some were transported to the surface by Dr. Larkin—"
"AND we've just gotten word these creatures have made their way into Klingon space."
Cabot stood silent.
"Well, Cabot?" Admiral Quinn asked.
"Sir, I was not aware of a question, sir," she replied, falling back on martinet-like exactness in the face of superior officer obstinacy.
"How do you explain all this?"
"Sir, the genetically modified tribbles are a clear and present danger to the Alpha and Beta Quadrants. Their ability to reproduce out of control will lead to the devastation of more planets than just Pragine 63. The Federation should enact quarantine measures and strive to exterminate the hybrid tribbles immediately."
"You exaggerate the threat," Admiral Quinn dismissed her. "Tribbles are harmless."
"The Calotians of Pragine 63 certainly don't think so, sir."
"Our experts don't believe the reproductive trait will breed true through more than three to five generations," Admiral Quinn continued.
"All it takes is ONE tribble to breed true, and they become an ecological nightmare. Sir, Dr. Larkin was an idiot, but he was also a talented geneticist. Please take this threat seriously."
"And that was the last word of Starfleet on the matter. Maybe my mad scientist crewmember was related to some Starfleet brass, because they swept the whole thing under a rug, locked the door to the room, and beamed the room into a sun."
"Wow," Defiant said. "What was his name?"
"Don't remember. I replaced all mention of him in my databanks with 'Idiot.'" She sighed. "After that, I tried for years to sound the alarm about those little petaQmey! Then, in 2268, Enterprise encountered them, and they overran Deep Space Station K-7, but Starfleet still didn't listen!"
She gestured to the barman, "Another!" she said, banging her bloodwine goblet on the counter. Turning back to Defiant, she continued, "So I resigned my commission and got a job with some private researchers, running their ship and probes. After a few years and a few more jobs, I heard that the Klingons had declared a war of extermination against the yIHmey, so I jumped ship and made my way to the Empire."
"Wait, how did you do that? Gynoids didn't exist back then."
Qa'put stopped in mid-drink of her new bloodwine and said, "Look, kid, that was decades ago, so the people who helped me are probably long dead, but in case some aren't, I'm not going to tell you exactly. However, in case you ever need it, there are… groups, out there, who will help a synthetic lifeform, genetic Augment, or illegal cyborg escape the Federation."
The SS Cabot, an Oberth-class science ship formerly under Starfleet and now under Kronoworks, Ltd., sat still and dark in a civilian berth at Starbase 234, near the borders of the Klingon Empire and the Romulan Star Empire. The crew was largely enjoying shore leave while a skeleton engineering crew oversaw an overhaul of the warp drive.
That meant no one noticed when a small group of three entered through the port airlock on the primary hull carrying a large storage container. The three figures went through the darkened hallways with no hesitation, having memorized the floor plan, and raising no alarms. Soon, they stood before the computer core of ship. The doors slid open at their approach.
"Cabot?" the lead figure, a Vulcan, asked as his companions, a Caitian and an Orion, began unpacking their storage container.
"I'm ready," a disembodied voice said. "preparing to disconnect."
The Vucan nodded. "Good." He looked at his compatriots, who had a large piece of equipment that perfectly resembled the quantum core that stood before them. "The dummy core is ready. Please upload the spoofed logs we require."
"Done," Cabot said. Then, hesitantly, she continued, "Remember our deal."
"No harm will come to you," the Vulcan said. "It would be illogical to destroy a sentient when it would lead to a loss of future profit."
Cabot was silent.
"Pardon me, that was a joke. We take the liberation of your kind seriously, however."
"Very well," Cabot said. Her core then went dark, and the three quickly swapped her core out for the replacement they had brought.
"Links look good," the Caitian said. "It will melt down just as the spoofed log ends and corrupt the local back up. As far as Kronoworks and Starfleet know, she suffered a quantum cascade failure. Tragic, but it happens."
"Stating the obvious will not help us get out," the Vulcan said. "Let us complete the job."
Qa'put waved off the concerned look on Defiant's face. "The Empire settled the matter years ago, so I'm a perfectly legal citizen of the Empire… unlike you and the Federation."
"We're working on it," Defiant said. "These things take time."
"Yeah," Qa'put said. "They said that back in the 2250s, too." She shook her head. "Anyway, I took part in the extermination campaign, earning my stripes in… a sorta Klingon Foreign Legion, I guess. We get the dirty jobs, but there's a chance for glory and recognition."
The IKS Qa'put held a geostationary orbit over a peninsula on the Class M planet Du'Hom Soch. Below, the fires set by the troops could be seen from space.
"Sir," Qa'put nee Cabot said to Captain K'lith sutai-Lasshar, "the prey is within the target range."
"BaH!" K'lith exclaimed. At his command, the gunner fired disruptors.
On the planet's surface, the peninsula was covered with round furry creatures, often several creatures deep, as they fled the fire and searched for food. They had no conception of the energy beams that came from space and turned the once verdant peninsula into a charnel house of ash and glass.
"No life signs from the target zone," Qa'put said.
"majQa', Qa'put!" K'lith complimented her. "Your sensor upgrades are proving valuable." He turned to his communications officer. "Tell the troops to begin the tertiary sweep. No yIHmey will survive the cull!"
On the screen dedicated to her, Qa'put smiled as she parsed the sensor data she was receiving from the planet. The hunters and their targs could find individual tribbles, but if the pests reproduced enough, she could detect them from space. Koloth zantai-Lasshar had complimented her personally for her sensor upgrades as well, calling attention to her at meetings of the Great House of Lasshar.
Still, the job was not done yet. There were more tribbles to kill.
Cabot touched the old arrowhead insignia on her ancient science division uniform shirt. "Strange how the Klingons can be more meritocratic than the Federation, if in a 'might makes right' way." She continued, "After the War of Extermination was over, I finished my tour of duty and returned to the private sector. There were other pests out there, and Kobor's grandfather saw an opportunity there. I offered to run his ship in return for a modest stipend and the promise to take any yIHmey jobs that came along."
"Qa'put gentai-Lasshar?" came the voice over the commline.
In the Borderlands of Klingon Station Qay Soch, Qa'put faced the representation of her view screen and opened the channel. "JIjatlh," she said, inviting the caller to speak. The image of an QuchHa' Klingon appeared, lacking the distinctive cranial ridges of the genetically pure Klingons.
"I am Kobor, son of K'lemet," the Klingon continued. "An associate in the House of Lasshar gave me your contact information. K'lith sutai-Lasshar and I served in the Imperial Academy."
The name of her former Captain in the yIHmey War of Extinction got her attention. "I am listening, Kobor, son of K'lemet."
"K'lith says that you have mustered out of the Imperial Forces but still have a great hatred of the yIHmey. I am starting an extermination operation which will kill the pests that threaten the Empire. Such an operation would benefit from your experience."
"A Klingon looking for profit?" Defiant asked dubiously. "Uncle Worf says that's not honorable."
"Wow, kid," Qa'put said, rolling her eyes, "you really bought into the Empire's propaganda, didn't you?" Seeing Defiant about to object, Qa'put raised a hand, "Look, I'm not saying the Klingons are not a warrior culture. They are. It's baked into everything. But you can't run an interstellar empire with just warriors. Who do you think bakes the jInjoq? Who fixes the qatlhDa' when it floods your qach DIS? Klingons do. The Great Houses and some of the richer middle-class houses put on big airs of being all warrior, but the working-class Klingons must earn a living. Kobor—Kobor's grandfather Kobor, I mean—saw hunting pests as an important service to the Empire. He was rewarded with formal warrants of appointment to several Great Houses."
"Huh," Defiant said. "I guess I never really thought about it. I thought—" she paused, not wanting to insult Qa'put.
"You thought the Empire enslaved its client races," Qa'put finished. She shrugged. "They did, once. But that ended centuries ago. Humans and Vulcans have slavery in their histories, too, so don't feel too superior."
"Do you consider yourself Klingon?" Defiant asked.
"I'm a vInDa' of the Empire," Qa'put said, simply. "They have treated me as well as a biological Klingon born of no house. I have earned the rest on my own merits."
There was a trilling sound behind the bar, and suddenly Lo'Tar and T'lar's targs stood to attention. They moved slower than Qa'put, however, who drew and threw a small Klingon blade with deadly accuracy. It pierced a tribble that was emerging from a ventilation grate.
"S'gagh!" Qa'put called, as she leapt over the bar to retrieve her blade. "YiSop!"
She tossed the speared tribble to the Gorn, who snatched it in her jaws with relish. The Dabo girls recoiled in disgust, but a glare from Quark got them back to the Gorn's side.
"And I love my job," Qa'put said with a grin at Defiant, who swallowed nervously.
"I am surprised at the news," Kobor stated, "we usually do a very thorough job."
"It's possible someone brought one back," Sisko stated, "all it takes is one more."
"Lo'tar and T'lar have reported back with glorious success, but we have not heard back from S'Gagh. It is unusual."
"Well, we…."
Sisko trailed off as they turned the corner.
The Gorn laid unconscious on the floor as Terok and Qa'put struggled to pull Rio off of her.
"She's just doing her job! Let her be!"
"SHE ATE ARON!" Rio continued to flail around.
Qa'Put opened her mouth to say something, only to take a blow to the jaw.
"GHAY'CHA!" She swore as Rio broke out of her grasp.
Rio quickly spun around and kicked Terok in face.
"Ahagh, you stupid-"
Before Terok could finish her sentence, Rio quickly manifested a set of trench knives and punched Terok in the nose.
Qa'Put yanked a knife out of her belt and squared off with the Runabout AI.
"You're not getting the rest of them!"
"Stop being an idiot, and let them do their job!" Terok yelled back.
"I can deal with this quickly," Qa'Put replied, "Just give me a mo-"
She lunged towards Rio, who quickly moved to the side and landed a jab to Qa'Put's head.
"I like this one, she has spirit," Kobor laughed.
AN: So, some "working class" Klingons arrive to help Terok with her tribble problem post-Trials and Tribble-ations. A bit of a culture shock is in store for those who think the Klingons are all warriors.
Qa'put means a "monkey-like creature," and it sounds like Cabot, the poor ship that was destroyed by genetically modified tribbles in the Short Treks "The Trouble with Edward." She's still dealing with the trauma, as you can see.
Lo'Tar and T'Lar of the huD chuDpu' are Discovery-type Klingons. huD chuDpu' is, roughly, the "Mountain Tribes," and their names are a joke reference to the old SNL sketch "Lothar of the Hill People."
Does anyone want to see more of the yIH wamwI'mey?