Jill didn't know why she was here. She had come to the infirmary and spoken with Tarja to put Joshua's mind at ease, but she was certain she knew what was going on. She had faced similar symptoms on particularly hopeless days in the Iron Kingdom, such as after a brutal battle as Shiva. She had become somewhat accustomed to the hollow sadness that came with loss of life- at least until she had learned how to shut off her emotions. She refused to close herself off this time, though. She wouldn't be so cold when it was about Clive.
At that moment, Tarja came back from behind the screen separating the infirmary from the patient beds, upon one of which Jill sat.
"Sorry to keep you waiting," the physicker said. "I finally got the results."
"And the verdict is?" As if Jill needed a test to tell her that-
"You're with child."
Jill's heart seemed to still. "But that's-"
She was about to say "impossible," until she realized it was all too possible. All at once, memories swept over her of that sweet, stolen night she had shared with Clive on that beach on the coast of Ash. She had surrendered Shiva to him, and they had both succumbed to the passion that followed. Neither had told anyone of that night. She hadn't even noticed that her time of the month hadn't come since then; imprisoned in the Iron Kingdom, barely being given enough to live off of, it became more uncommon to experience that. And now what?
"Clive is the father, I assume?" Tarja asked in a soft, low voice.
Jill only nodded in response. How could she ever be with anyone else? Not that her different gaolers over the years hadn't expressed desires to the contrary.
"I can only imagine how shocking this must be. No one is asking you to take it in all at once, or to feel anything other than what you're feeling. Take it one breath at a time."
"Thank you," Jill exhaled.
"I've seen that same look of indecision on other mother's faces." Tarja placed a hand on Jill's shoulder, and looked her straight in the eye. "All I ask is that, should you come to any particular decision, you come to me before taking any drastic measures. You have options, and I would see you be safe through any of them. And I know that I speak for everyone in the Hideaway when I say you'll be supported no matter what."
After a few suggestions on relieving nausea and a scolding on taking better care of herself in general, Jill thanked the physicker once more, and stood to exchange the examination robes Tarja had put her in for her normal clothes. Opening the door upon leaving, she found a pacing Joshua just outside, one hand to his chin, forming the reflective look she had come to be familiar with. He stopped mid-stride as he noticed her.
"Well?" he asked.
"Let's not discuss it here," Jill said in almost a whisper. Other Hideaway residents were milling about, and she was not ready for everyone to know her news yet. She quickly led Joshua back to her quarters, closing the door behind them.
"Bad news?" Joshua crossed his arms in front of his chest, waiting for Jill's answer.
"Not exactly." Jill hesitated, anxious about sharing this. But, she decided the best way was to come right out with it, just as Tarja had. "I'm with child."
"Oh," Joshua's eyes widened. "That's- wow."
"That was about my reaction."
Joshua hesitated. "So, how are you feeling about all this?"
"To tell the truth, I don't know at this point. This was the last thing I expected."'
"Probably the last thing any of us would have expected."
"How can I face carrying and raising this child, knowing they will never know their father, that he will never know them?" Jill sighed, sitting down on her bed.
"I suppose that's something only you can answer for yourself." Joshua sat down beside her.
"It's just so unfair. Clive deserved to see his own child, to watch them grow up in the world he worked so hard to create. I don't know if I can do this without him."
Jill felt Joshua's arm wrap around her shoulder. "You are one of the strongest people I know. If anyone can do this, you can. Even if you decide you can't…" he took an audible, shaky breath. "No matter what, you aren't alone. You have me, and a whole Hideaway to support you."
"I know," Jill finally smiled. "I-"
She was interrupted by a knock at the door. Instead of waiting to be invited in, the caller opened the door and walked in.
"Hey, Jill, I-" Gav's voice rang out, but he stopped at the sight of Jill and Joshua sitting side-by-side on the bed. "Am I interruptin' something?"
"No," the two chorused, standing up.
"Did you need something, Gav?" Jill asked.
"I was just wonderin' if there were any of Clive's mementos you wanted to keep," he answered. "I'm not gettin' rid of any of it, of course, but if there were somethin' that had special meanin' to either of you, I wanted to give you a chance at it."
"I've already retrieved my father's helmet," Joshua explained. "That was all that held any real meaning to me."
"Jill?"
"I'll take a look." Jill turned to face Joshua. "We'll talk more later."
"Of course," Joshua gave a small nod. He and Jill both ignored the questioning look Gav gave them as the three walked out of the room, Joshua turning to go to the mess while Jill followed Gav to Clive's old quarters. It would be her first time inside since he died, and she braced herself for the memories as she crossed the ale hall, feeling the eyes of those around her.
The door was propped open by a small crate. Stepping in, Jill was greeted by a soft whine.
"Torgal." She kneeled down to pet the hound's head and bury her own in his soft fur. "Is this where you run off to when you're not glued to my shadow?"
"Aye," Gav confirmed. "Can't find it in me to turn the poor creature away, 'course."
In one corner, Jill noticed a small pile of abandoned kupo nuts and barely-touched antelope bones.
"I miss him, too, old friend," Jill whispered, scratching behind Torgal's ear. She finally stood and faced the table where Clive kept the various curios he had collected over time.
"I'll leave you be to look through everythin'," Gav offered. "Unless you'd like the company."
"Thank you, Gav, but I think I'd-"
"Say no more," he held up his hand and backed out the door, kicking the crate out of the way so it would close behind him.
Once Jill was finally alone with Torgal, she let out a sigh, walking closer to the objects. Though she hadn't been present for all of them, Clive had told her the story behind each one. So many memories contained in such a small space threatened to overwhelm her. Out of everything, one kept drawing her attention: the small blue crystal perched on a shelf, two daggers sticking out of it. She carefully reached for it and brought it down to look at it more closely.
Gav had made a point to preserve this out of anything from the old hideaway, knowing everything it represented. He, too, had been there when Cid and Clive had each plunged a blade into the stone, vowing to do likewise to its Mothers, thus freeing the world from their grasp.
"To live and die on our own terms," Jill said aloud. Both men had accomplished that in their own way, and now it was her turn. What would those terms be, though?
Each of the objects in front of her held the hope of those who had given them: of life, of freedom. She could see each of their faces in her mind's eye: Martha, Quinten, Isabelle, L'ubor, all the others... Their greatest work, bringing the world to terms with everything that freedom meant and leading them to thrive in it, still lay ahead of them, and she knew they would face it willingly.
As shall I, Jill resolved, clutching ever more firmly in her hand. I will do my part to help build this new world. I will see that Clive's child- my child will have the chance to find their own place in it. They have that right as much as I do.
After she had stood there for some time, the resolution in her heart calmed, leaving way for a joy she had never known to wash over her. This was her purpose, one she chose to have. Clive would live on in her always, and in the new life that stirred within her, the gift he never knew he had left behind. Her love for him, for her child, and the family she already had around her, would carry her through. Confident in this, she held the crystal to her heart, and turned to walk out the door, Torgal fast at her heels.