The Scoobies, minus Xander, were gathered in the library, waiting to hear Giles' latest pronouncements of doom and gloom. Willow, a budding witch, sat on her boyfriend Oz, a werewolf's, lap. To her right was Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. Behind her stood her vampire-with-a-soul boyfriend, Angel. On the other side of the table sat Cordelia Chase, a rich society princess and self-named Queen C. To her right was Faith, the other slayer. At the head of the table stood Wesley Wyndham-Pryce and Rupert Giles.
Not invited to the meeting was Xander Harris, a founding member of the group. Buffy, believing she was "doing the right thing" for Xander, had tried to convince the others in the group to exclude Xander from the slaying because he was "normal" and therefore powerless. Completely ignoring the fact that Cordelia was powerless as well. Only Willow actually agreed with Buffy's assessment, for her own reasons. The others just weren't able to stand up to her.
"Yo, G, what's up with X? Why isn't he here for your big announcement?"
"Yes, well um, it's been decided that we should limit Xander's involvement as his ability to assist is also limited," Giles answered.
"Limited?" Cordelia asked, "he can help just as much as the rest of us. He should be here, pulling his own weight."
"Well," Buffy said, believing every word she was saying regardless of its lack of truth. "You know he can't really fight, he just kind of gets in the way."
"Yeah," Willow piped up."He could get hurt, it's just better this way, you know, him being normal and all."
"If you say so, Red, just doesn't seem right leaving him out of the loop. He might have something useful to contribute, you know, more eyes on the problem and all."
"Oh, I hardly think so," said Buffy, "Sure he's gotten lucky a couple of times, but that's all it's been. So Giles, lay it on us, what's the what."
"The Council contacted us last night to inform us that their seers had had several visions of some sort of power near the Hellmouth," Giles stated calmly polishing his glasses. "The Council thinks it might try to open it tonight and they can't give us much more information than that, I'm afraid. Just that it will come on a friendly face and a scream of pain."
"Scream of pain!" Cordelia exclaimed. "Like that isn't ominous."
"Chill Queenie, at least it'll be obvious and easy to find, much better than a subtle, creeping evil." Faith smirked.
"Funny, not" Cordelia retorted.
"People, we need to focus and prepare ourselves, this thing could show up at any moment," Wesley said pompously. "I suggest we arm ourselves and stay alert - "Chill, Watcher man, we got this," Faith said, as the group got up and headed to the weapons cage. Giles passed out swords to Buffy and Faith, and crossbows to Oz and Cordelia. Everyone then assumed positions around the room and waited for their newest enemy to appear.
"Yo, anyone got cards, this could take a while." Faith joked.
"Faith, it is best to stay alert and not let ourselves be distracted." Giles chided.
"Yah, yah." Faith muttered.
Suddenly she and Buffy stiffened. "Something's coming," Buffy said. "I can feel it."
"Me too, B," Faith said. Everyone went on alert. Someone was whistling. The haunting sound echoed in the quiet of the school, coming closer and closer until it reached the doors of the library. The doors parted to reveal none other than Xander Harris, the so-called "normal" one of the group.
"Dammit Xander," Buffy snapped. "What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here, you could get hurt."
Xander looked at her for a moment and then smiled and said in an eerie voice, "Hello, to you too, Buffster, how's it hanging?"
"Xander, what the hell have you gotten yourself into this time" Buffy said angrily. "God, you're like a child, you just can't stay out of trouble."
Xander's face became totally blank. "You're one to talk, Buffy, always running straight into danger with a half-assed plan."
"That's my job, you need to stay out of it." She answered, getting angrier and ignoring for the moment that Xander was not speaking in his normal voice.
"No, Buffy, your job is to fight demons and vampires and you really need to learn to do it in an intelligent way" Xander answered.
"You're lecturing me on intelligence, you couldn't think your way out of a wet paper bag."
"Doesn't surprise me that you think that, considering you never actually bothered to get to know me. But we digress, let's get to the ass-kicking stage of this night." He blurred forward at an impossible speed and hit her with his right fist in a devastating backhand that sent her sailing back onto the table where she lay unconscious.
The others stared, unable to believe their eyes, Xander had knocked Buffy out! Angel and Faith recovered fastest and rushed him, one from each side. Xander casually lashed out at Angel with a foot and sent him flying back onto the floor, out cold.
"Now Faithie, hitting you isn't something I would enjoy" Xander laughed, "Unless it involved spanking your really awesome ass. So let's just try something a little different here." He raised his hand, palm facing her. A flash of light held her immobile, she could move her head and talk, but not move her arms and legs. "What did you do to me X?" she yelled. "Relax, Faithie, it's temporary and won't hurt you or have any lasting effects." He raised his other hand, palm flat as well and another, larger flash had everyone else immobile as well.
"Well now, let's just wait for our two sleeping members to wake up" Xander murmured softly, in that eerie voice, "and then we can get onto the next part of our evening."
"Xanderwhatareyoudoingstopthistrightnowmisterifyouknowwhatisgoodforyou," Willow babbled.
"Stop talking WIllow" that eerie voice said sharply. "You really don't want to make me any angrier than I already am."
"What do you have to be angry about Xander" Willow said in an annoyed tone. "Why are you acting like this," as Angel and Buffy woke up.
"Yeah, Xander, I'd like to know that too" Buffy said, irritated that she couldn't move.
"Alexander's sleeping right now, I am driving this boat" the eerie voice said coldly, "and I have a few things to say."
"What, you're going to gloat, all evil bad guy, ooh I beat the Slayer.
"No and who said I was evil, you attacked first,"
"You're possessing Xander and you want to open the Hellmouth, of course, you're evil."
"I could care less about the Hellmouth, it has no interest for me, I am here about Alexander."
"What about him, did he summon you or something?"
"In a way, you could say he did summon me, just not consciously or intentionally."
"Leave it to Xander to summon a demon without even trying" Buffy said scornfully.
"Again with the thinking I am evil, I am not. What I am is a spirit, drawn to unvoiced pain, to give voice to those unable to speak their pain aloud. Because doing so would force them to acknowledge the pain, which is something that they are either refusing to do, or unable to do. Just burying it deeper and deeper until it ultimately destroys them. My purpose is not to cause harm but to ease suffering and Alexander's suffering was so great it screamed across dimensions, pulling me to him, his agony is unending and sooner or later it will consume and destroy him, leading perhaps, to death."
"What are you talking about? There's nothing hurting Xander, we would know." Buffy said angrily.
"How would you know?" the eerie voice asked softly.
"We're his friends, of course, we'd know, we know him better than anyone" Willow yelled.
"Do you? Well, we will see."
"There are a few ways to go about this, but I think seeing and feeling for yourselves is probably the best way to approach this."
"But first a few thoughts from me. Let us start with miss 'I'm so important, I'm the Slayer.' In point of fact, Miss Summers you are not the Slayer, not technically, at least not anymore. When one becomes the Slayer, the essence of the Slayer enters a body and adjusts it. These adjustments enhance the body, giving the Slayer strength, durability, speed, and heightened healing factor. When the Slayer dies the essence moves on and the cycle repeats. You died, the essence moved on, the enhancements stayed and you were revived, ironically by Alexander. You think you are unique in this, but you are not, it has happened to Slayers before, being revived after death, a simple spell can reveal that the essence is gone, moved onto the next girl, which also means no new Slayer will be called when you die again. The Watchers Council knows this."
As the voice spoke a bubble appeared floating above their heads, in it they could see and hear Xander demanding that Angel show him the way to the Masters' lair and Angel saying he was afraid. In the end, Xander convinced Angel and together they entered the lair and found Buffy face down in the pool, the Scoobies watched as Xander did CPR and revived Buffy.
Everyone's eyes widened, they had all assumed Xander had followed Angel, no one had considered Xander had forced the issue or that Angel had been too afraid to act.
"You're lying" Buffy said angrily, "your twisting things to try to make Angel look bad and Xander look good."
"No Buffy, he's not" Angel said softly, "that's exactly how it happened. I just could never tell you that I was too afraid to try. I don't know why Xander never said anything, though."
"He, unlike others, had no wish to cause pain, Miss Summers" the eerie voice stated.
"But this is not the point of this exercise. Especially since the first time, Alexander saved Miss Summers was also within days of when he met her."
The bubble showed Xander and Willow's first exposure to vampires, then the attack in the sewers. Buffy was overwhelmed by the vampires, and Xander knocked one off her, allowing her space to fight with the others. Giles was shocked as this was not something either of them ever reported, the heat of the moment perhaps and simply forgotten?
Other scenes began to flash, scenes of Buffy getting overwhelmed or leaving herself exposed and being in real danger of being killed and Xander watching carefully and then taking advantage of an opening to knock a demon away from Buffy or stake a vampire that got too close. What surprised everyone was the sheer number of such instances. Or the number of times she would just rush in impulsively and find herself in trouble and Xander would help her out. They also notice that increasingly, Buffy would get angry with Xander when he would help her out, rather than thank him. Each time he would flinch from her anger and his face would go carefully blank.
"Interesting, all these times he helps you, even saves you, and not once do you thank him, not that he ever asked for a thank you, but an acknowledgment would have been nice. Oh, I forgot, you did kinda thank him, once."
The scene shifted to the Bronze and Buffy inviting Xander to dance. It quickly became embarrassing for Xander and then humiliating as her cruel words struck him like blows. Buffy and Cordelia hadn't seen the end, as the latter had followed Buffy out of the Bronze to confront her over her behavior.
The scene continued without them and the Scoobies watched as everyone in the Bronze silently stared at Xander as he quickly left through the front door,. His face once again carefully blank, it remained that way as he walked home. They watched in horror as two vampires approached him, before they could grab him, however, he had staked one and kicked the other in the knee. As it grabbed its knee, Xander struck again and the second one dusted, the whole encounter had lasted only a few seconds and he walked quickly on until he reached his house. They watched as he took a deep breath and braced himself and walked in, closing the door behind himself.
The scene shifted to the interior of the house as Xander attempted to walk as quietly as he could past his father, sitting in the chair with a bottle of beer in his hand. He wasn't as quiet as he would have liked though, as his father yelled, "Hey, you good for nothing little shit, get me another beer." Xander went to the kitchen, pulled a beer out of the fridge, and brought it out to his father, holding it out at arm's length, not wanting to get too close. The man in the chair grabbed the full bottle and threw the empty one at Xander, who put a hand up to catch it before it hit his face. More such scenes flashed, an unending stream of cruel words and cruel hands from childhood to the current time.
These were not scenes Xander would want others to see, but none of them could stop them from appearing in rapid fashion. Finally, the images stopped and they breathed a sigh of relief that they had ended.
"Is that it?" Buffy asked, "Is that why Xander is hurting because of his parents? That's bad, but what can we do about it?"
"This is just a tiny drop in an ocean, Miss Summers, watch."
The scene shifted to a younger Willow and Xander about 11 years old. Willow was clearly excited as she babbled about how her mom, a psychiatrist, wanted to do an IQ test on her. She was sure it would show she was GIfted. Xander asked if he could take the test too. "Xander, don't be silly, you're not Gifted."
"But Willow, I take all the same classes as you do and I get good grades, I just want to know what my score is."
"Ok, I'll ask my mom if she'll give you one too, but don't get your hopes up."
The scene shifted again to Dr. Rosenberg telling Willow her test score was 160 and Xander that his was 150. Xander smiled and said, "Wow, that's great, I actually am smart." Willow was silent as they went outside and headed to the park.
"Xander, how did you do it" Willow hissed angrily. "How did you cheat on an IQ test?" She demanded.
"I didn't cheat Willow, I just did the tests."
"Xander, that's impossible, there's no way you could be as smart as me. You cheated somehow, I know it. Your parents barely finished high school, my parents have advanced degrees."
"What does that have to do with me? I can't be smart because my parents didn't go to college?"
"No way is the son of 2 drunk idiots smarter than the daughter of two people with PhDs. You cheated, you had to have and I'll never forgive you, we're not friends anymore you jerk." Xander looked devastated as Willow ran off.
"But I didn't cheat, I just did my best" he said too softly for the retreating figure to hear. "Dammit, why can't she just be happy for me? I'm happy for her." Xander sat on a bench in the park, thinking, and then said aloud. "Maybe, if I pretend I'm not smart, then Willow will be my friend again. I can still take the same classes I was already taking and let her help me with my homework sometimes. I won't much talk in class and just hand in my assignments. That way Willow will think I'm not smart and be my friend. That will make her happy, maybe someday, though, she'll believe I'm smart, too and I won't have to pretend."
The scenes shifted: Willow talking excitedly about signing up for AP math and science classes and not noticing that Xander was taking the some he same classes. Images showing the teachers handing back papers and saying 'good job' and Willow glaring briefly at him.
The others glanced at the real Willow and she looked uncomfortable and then said, "I still think he cheated." Silence as their eyes swept back to look at Xander. The eerie voice stated calmly, "No, he did not." If looks could kill, Willows' searing glare would have roasted his body on the spot.
"Despite what either of you wishes to believe, he is neither ignorant nor useless, and we will be exploring all the main sources of Alexander's pain."
"We will start with you Mr. Giles, after all, you are one of the only two living adults in his life he respects and you have managed to cut him as deeply as these two have, and his pain cannot be dealt with until all sources have been identified. So as the adult who should be providing a better example, we will start with you, before returning to these two and the other sources of his pain."
"Me? I have done nothing to cause Xander any pain!" Giles said indignantly.
"Oh, but you have Mr. Giles, considerably. Starting with letting your two spoiled little princesses treat him the way they do and saying nothing to stop them. You are the adult, who is supposed to be providing a good example. How is letting them treat people badly, helpful in any way? Let alone helping them become mature adults, which just by virtue of being an adult yourself is part of your responsibility."
"Um well, I supposed, it doesn't." Giles answered, "but what does that have to do with me hurting Xander?"
"Well, part of that is secondhand, since you aren't stopping others from bullying him - "Hey, we don't bully Xander." Buffy yelled, "we just want what's best for him!"
"And how is constantly talking down to him and treating him the way you do best for him?" the voice asked. "How is insulting him and trying to make him act the way you think he should act, just to make you happy, good for him in any way? From all appearances your behavior and Miss Rosenbergs' only helps you two, it certainly does not help him, in any way, it just causes more pain."
"Now as to how specifically you caused him pain, Mr. Giles, let us begin with your constant dismissal of his concerns. Many of which in hindsight turn out to be valid. Such as Miss Summers' tendency to rush in without complete information or intelligence, just because she is impatient and gets herself and others into trouble. You did just see several instances of this and Alexander pulling her out of trouble, did you not? Instances that could have been avoided with more careful attention to detail. But, then you have this problem yourself."
"How so?" Giles asked resentfully, not liking the picture the voice was painting of his or his Slayer's actions, which were disturbing, to say the least.
"Well, there is the lack of complete research that you do, the lack of follow up, even when asked. Both of which have contributed to his pain, but also, to the pain of all these young ones here in the room. Yes," the voice continued, "all of them have been harmed by your lack of thorough research and even more importantly, your lack of follow-up."
"I know for a fact, that Alexander has asked you several times to follow up on possible consequences of incidences you all have experienced and you dismissed his concerns as exaggeration or cries for attention, even if that was the truth, you still should have addressed his concerns in some manner, as it would have shown some concern for him as a person, dismissing him, simply told him you cared little for him."
"I, um, didn't mean to give that impression," Giles stuttered.
"Really? It is an impression you give most of these young people, except for Miss Summers and Miss Rosenberg. After all, you haven't addressed any of the issues Miss Lehane or Miss Chase have either, giving them the impression, that they matter little as well, while reinforcing Miss Summers' and Miss Rosenbergs' belief that only their issues matter."
"I-I," Giles stuttered, "I didn't realize - "Stop picking on Giles," Buffy said angrily, "I'm the Slayer, my concerns are supposed to come first -."
Laughter rang through the room. "Haven't we established that you are not actually the Slayer, technically, Miss Summers?"
"Even if you are the Slayer, others concerns should still be given consideration."
"Anyway, to continue as to why you fall short on research and follow up, Mr. Giles, let us start with when Alexander was possessed by the Hyena spirit. You severely under researched that particular issue nor did you do the follow up that Alexander asked you about, I know because he ended up doing it himself and when he tried to bring the results of his own research to your attention, you again dismissed him."
"What did he find that was so important that I missed?"
"Nice of you to finally ask, Mr. Giles." The voice said as it walked Xander's body over to the shelves and pulled out a book, opening it to a pages with information about animal possession. "Is this the book you used to do your research?"
"Um, yes it is, why?"
"You read these two pages, did you not?"
"Yes."
"And assumed this was all there was?"
"Well, I wouldn't say assumed - "
Xander's finger turned the page. "Did you read this?" the voice asked. Giles looked at the page startled. "Um no, I didn't realize -."
"What does it say, Mr. Giles,"
"Um, it um, states that the possession ritual was a corruption of an empowering ritual, similar to empowering a slayer, but how would knowing this before going to the zoo have changed anything?"
"Well it would have led you to read the next couple of pages as well, but let me sum it up for you, Mr. Giles."
"Alexander read the next few pages, the ones you did not bother to read, and found that the ritual the zookeeper was performing was a corrupted version of another ritual. The purpose of which was to invoke a totemic entity, an animal spirit, in order to create a protector, one similar to a Slayer. The protector ritual called for a person already inclined toward being protective in order for it to work and required the animal spirit to approve of the person chosen as its host and integrate with him or her, creating a human with animal like abilities, strength, enhanced senses, etc. The original ritual required the host to be performing an act of sincerely protective behavior at the time the ritual was conducted."
"The reason I mention this is that if you had paid attention to Alexander's report on the incident at the zoo you would have known his actions - attempting to protect a victim of bullying from bullies - did not meet the conditions of the corrupted ritual, but did meet the conditions of the original ritual."
Scenes from the zoo incident flashed in a bubble over their heads. "Alexander realized this afterward when you told him about your research, he tried to point this out, but you dismissed it as not an issue, which is why he looked into it himself, and why he came to you later and told you he seemed to be having some continuing issues that might be related to the possession. You did not listen to his concerns, although you, yourself should have noticed the very things he was concerned about and followed up on them yourself."
"Like what? What did I miss?" Giles asked concerned, after all that incident had been very frightening for everyone involved.
Images flashed in the bubble of the night Kendra died. Those assembled in the library watched as Xander fought with the vamps, saw one of them break Xander's arm and Xander knock it out, pick it up with his other hand, and through it into the vamp heading toward Cordelia, yelling at her to run, which she did.
"I'm sure this can be dismissed as adrenaline, the heat of the moment and maybe it is, although he seems to have a lot of these instances of so-called adrenaline bursts, no the thing I want to call your attention to is the very badly broken arm, do you remember how long the doctor told you all he would be in the cast until it healed?"
"Um, the doctor said it would require at least two months to properly heal."
"And do you remember him coming to you not three weeks later after the doctor removed the cast and said it was completely healed? He wondered why it healed so quickly and asked if there was a chance someone had cast a spell to heal it more quickly and you dismissed his concern and said it was unlikely as such a spell would have caused other problems, without bothering to detail such problems, as mixing the mystical and medical was very dangerous."
"Yes, I remember."
"Why would the fact he healed so quickly not be of concern, Mr. Giles, except for Miss Summers and Miss Rosenberg using the injury itself as an excuse to try to circumvent his free will and push him out "for his own good" - fingers moved in a sarcastic quote, unquote gesture.
"So, we have established that Alexander did not meet the conditions of a ritual he inadvertently became a part of, while simultaneously meeting the conditions of another ritual, which by itself should have necessitated follow up on your part, but we have also established there is a legitimate concern for additional issues that should have been investigated but weren't."
"Incidentally, his reason for attacking you, Miss Summers, was not entirely sexual as you supposed, remember he was possessed, it was the animal attacking you, not Alexander. Not that he would ever try to rape anyone himself, no the reason the animal attacked you was to establish dominance, in the animal sense, as in who is stronger. A few hours later Alexander would have been the one who was physically stronger and defeated you."
"As if" Buffy screeched.
"Believe what you will, Miss Summers, you will anyway, but consider this - how is one Slayer supposed to contain the population of demons and vampires worldwide? You are not the only person fighting these things. Most demon fighters are human and many started out like Alexander. They discovered the truth and learned to fight them, gaining experience and training from other demon hunters. Making them far more successful than Slayers, who are just one element of a larger picture in the fight against evil. All across the world there are thousands of regular, non-powered humans fighting and like Alexander and Cordelia, they choose to, of their own free will and you have absolutely no right to keep anyone from making that choice for themselves. Which reminds me, Cordelia has no powers and yet you haven't tried to sideline her, which makes your entire argument against Alexanders' involvement even more stupid. Also, Oz rarely physically fights but you don't object to his inclusion, him being a werewolf being your basic reason for allowing him to be a part of this. But again, they choose to be a part of the fight and you do not object. Alexander makes the same choice of his own free will, which is his right and you try to manipulate, bully, lie and outright push him out. Whether you are the Slayer or not you have no right to do any such thing. Being a Slayer does not give you any authority over others at all. Queens, CEOs, Presidents, Generals, or even adults like Mr. Giles have authority, you do not."
"Your stated issue with Alexander's participation is that he is in your opinion normal - can you say hypocritical, given how at your Cruciamentum, you told Mr. Giles, "I can't be helpless", yet you want him to be helpless. Besides, what makes you think he is normal, did you ever bother to find out if there was something, oh unusual about him? Because I can tell you there are actually a few things that would qualify as I have already pointed out and others that we will get to in a bit."
"Mr. Giles, the point I am trying to make is that Alexander was actually possessed by two spirits at this time, the animal from the corrupted ritual, the Hyena, and the greater protector entity as well. The greater entity approved of Alexander and began to integrate with him, while the corrupted one was controlling his body. The greater spirit began making changes in his body that are continuing slowly to develop even after both spirits were driven out. These changes are, like the Slayer essence, making him physically stronger, giving him greater endurance, speed, senses, and healing factor. In time he will reach his full potential and be stronger than any Slayer. If the ritual had occurred as it was intended, these changes would have been immediate, instead of gradual. But if you had done the follow-up he asked you to do, you would have known this and been able to monitor it, but since it has not yet reached its conclusion, you will now be able to. Oh, and before you begin screaming to have him "fixed", Miss Summers, these changes are to his body and permanent, like your own, and no more dangerous to him, than yours are to you. Just more drawn out in integrating because the greater spirit was driven out at the same time as the corrupted one."
"Let us now examine the next instance in which he was possessed, an incident that once again you really should have investigated much more thoroughly Mr. Giles. The Halloween chaos spell your old friend Mr. Rayne cast."
"What did I miss about that one?" Giles asked warily.
"Mr. Rayne cast his spell on costumes from his shop, only on costumes and only the ones that came from his shop, as evidenced by the fact that Cordelia, who got her costume from another store did not become her costume or that anyone else who bought just a prop from Mr. Rayne's store became their costume either. Alexander put together his own costume, a set of used fatigues he found at the thrift store that belonged to a soldier that served at the base outside of town, a toy gun from Ethans, and plastic dog tags with no information imprinted on them. Now, considering that no one else who bought just a prop from there or bought a costume elsewhere became their costume, how did Alexander become his? A stray bit of Chaos magic that landed on his toy gun and only his toy gun in a barrel full of such toys, perhaps?"
Both Giles and Wesley looked startled and then thoughtful. "That does seem to stretch the bounds of coincidence well beyond credibility," Wesley exclaimed.
"Exactly," continued the eerie voice coming out of Xander's mouth, "and you know he was not pretending given that one moment he was holding a toy and the next he was holding a real gun that he very definitely now knew how to use. Also, consider who he became, he did introduce himself after all, did not he Miss Rosenberg?"
"Uh, yeah he introduced himself as Private Alexander Harris."
"You mean, he became a different version of himself?!" Wesley yelled and glared at Giles, "Did he tell you that Mr. Giles?"
"Um, yes he mentioned it when we discussed it the next day."
"And this didn't concern you in this slightest?"
"Well, I had other things on my mind," Giles mumbled, embarrassed.
"What's the big deal, Giles?" Buffy asked, annoyed at the way this weird spirit kept attacking her and Willow and questioning their judgment, and acting like they weren't as important as they were. "What's the matter with a different Xander?"
"That's just it Miss Summers, he was a different version of himself, not a monster overlayed onto himself. The only way he could have become a different version of himself is if that version already existed, somewhere in the multiverse," Wesley replied.
"Huh?"
"It means that in another version of reality there is a Private Alexander Harris and his knowledge was superimposed on our Xander Harris for the duration of that spell, the way the monsters were superimposed on the children."
"But Xander didn't know us." Willow objected.
"Correct, Private Harris never met any of you." The voice said, "He graduated early from high school and college and the ROTC program and had his degree and commission at 20. This was not wishful thinking, it is the real-life of that Alexander Harris, who this Alexander could have been if he never knew you, Willow, or suppressed a part of himself just so you would be his friend, you who have betrayed him more than anyone else and in more painful ways than imaginable and not just because of your insistence that he could not be as smart you, that is small compared to the true betrayals you have committed and we will get to those in a bit. Let us focus on yet another way in which Mr. Giles failed in following up on this possession."
"You already know he remembers it, everything Private Harris knew, along with the knowledge of the soldier who wore the fatigues themselves knew, he has mentioned this a few times and all of you have benefited from that knowledge, such as the rocket launcher used against the Judge remember? And Alexander has mentioned he knows the layout of the local base, access codes for the base, and personnel stationed there, correct? A place he had never been to until the night he and Cordelia broke into it to steal the launcher to use against the Judge."
There were nods of acknowledgment from those present, with scowls from Buffy and Willow.
"Now we know that Miss Summers has a problem with him remembering this information because it annoys her greatly that she, the oh-so-important Slayer, did not remember any of the Italian or French she knew that night for more than a week, how could a so-called normal person remember what a Slayer could not, right Miss Summers?"
"Did it not occur to anyone to ask what else he remembered?"
"What does he remember," Giles asked cautiously, certain he wouldn't like the answer remembering Xander's attempts at pointing out traps Buffy later walked right into, suggestions of strategy that in hindsight seem much more sound than any Buffy had come up with and both he and Buffy as well as Willow being dismissive of these suggestions, which Giles realized with a guilty start, couldn't have helped the young man's self-esteem any. 'Oh dear,' Giles thought, desperately wanting to clean his glasses, what have I done to him, the spirit is right, I haven't lived up to my responsibilities as I should have, how do I fix this.'
"Well, nice of someone to ask. He has tried to mention these things before and you all just dismiss it, but let me be very clear, as he remembers all of this very clearly, just as if he, rather than an alternate had learned it. He knows strategy, tactics, threat assessment, and martial arts, including Krav Maga, Judo, and Aikido. He knows how to use guns from handguns to sniper rifles. It would not be difficult for him to turn the intellectual knowledge of the martial arts into practical knowledge with a little encouragement and training,. If he does not use it will fade away and he has already proven to himself he can handle the guns at the local gun range."
"Guns," Willow screeched, "Xander, how could you, guns are so dangerous, you could be hurt, you need to leave them alone!"
"Guns," Buffy said scornfully, "Don't work on demons or vampires, so why bother?"
"Willow, please stop talking to Alexander as though he was a child, did I not just say he has proven at the local range that he understands how to use them using his alternates training? And Miss Summers, guns do work, with the correct ammo, on demons. A shotgun loaded with wood chips instead of pellets, for instance, can dust a vampire and yes Alexander has dusted several that way, and so have others, just read the Watcher's diaries, Alexander has and see for yourself. And I am really tired of the condescending way the two of you talk to and about him. It is very annoying, he is not a child and does not deserve to be spoken to like one, especially as the two of you are the ones acting childishly."
"There is one more thing about the Halloween possession that needs to be discussed, Mr. Giles. Alexander mentioned to you that he had a weird mark on the back of his shoulder the next morning, a mark that is still there, a mark he tried to have you look at, which you would not even glance at. Since it is still there, he tried to find some information on it himself but could not find anything about it. If you had looked, this whole conversation might have been moot as I am sure, that like me, you would have recognized it instantly, especially as it explains why he, at least, retained knowledge gained during that spell. Would you like to see this mark now Mr. Giles?"
"Um, yes, I guess I should."
Xander's body turned and the spirit lifted his sleeve revealing what looked like a birthmark, instantly recognizable to both Giles and Wesley, who started and then gulped.
"Have we offended him?" Wesley asked tremulously.
"Yes, which is why I was allowed to come to Alexander when his cry was heard. I am Epione."
"Oh my, oh my lady I am so sorry," Giles whispered, "We, I have messed up badly."
"I am not the one needing the apology, Alexander is."
"Giles, who is this Pony lady and why are you apologizing to her," Buffy asked, annoyed.
"Buffy, Epione is a literal Goddess, her job is literally to ease suffering and the mark on Xander's shoulder is the mark of Janus, another god, specifically the God of chance, chaos, changes, thresholds, and gateways. Both are protector deities, good gods. Ethan invoked the chaos aspect the night of the Halloween spell, I take it Janus used the spell to bestow the knowledge of Xanders' counterpart on him?"
"Yes and to mark him as one of his chosen. You were supposed to see the mark, understand what it meant, and be his teacher, you still have time to fulfill your duties, once we have dealt with all the causes of Alexander's pain."
"Giles, what does that mean?"
"It means, Buffy, that Xander has been chosen as the Avatar of a god and another god has been sent to help him heal from what we have done to him."
"And don't try questioning their wisdom Buffy, just because you don't like it, these are real gods and they have the power to destroy us all with a thought."
"And as I have stated already Miss Summers, you are no longer the Official Chosen One. Officially Faith is, however, you do still have power and with it, responsibility, so think carefully about the best way to use it and remember being a bully is not the right way and will lead to us stripping you of your powers permanently, you are on the verge of losing them as it is, so do not push me on this, one word and you go back to be being as powerless as you were at your Cruciamentum and you would deserve it."
Buffy stared at Xander and flinched at the eerie voices' frank commentary, not wanting to acknowledge what they were saying, she wasn't a bully, was she?
"Next point of Alexander's pain is this group's treatment of Faith, someone he feels he has something in common with, namely a similar and painful childhood. Let us also examine the fact that until recently only Miss Summers and the despicable Mrs. Post knew where Faith was living, Buffy said nothing, and Xander, who is angry at himself for not asking, assumed the Watchers were doing their jobs and were taking care of her. Seems, however, that they are not aware and have never bothered to find out where she is living, how she is eating, the fact that she is not in school, or supports herself by robbing vampires before dusting them, things it is their job to be concerned about but have not been."
"Um, where is she living?" Giles asked tentatively.
"The Sunnydale Motor Lodge, you should be aware she is there given that she mentioned that Kakistoes found her there. Again the lack of follow-up is painfully obvious and as I stated caused pain for everyone here. Faith's pain includes the fact that neither of you has even attempted to help her deal with the death of her first Watcher, let alone anything else. Or Willow's unwelcoming attitude towards her, again one of those things as the adults you should be addressing. If anything good comes out of today, maybe it will be that you can help Faith and I never hear a cry of suffering from her as I did from Alexander. However, if you do not try to help her soon we will be right back here again, all too soon, as she is on the verge of such a cry herself."
"So help her before it becomes necessary for me to help her, trust me if I have to come back here because you did not do your jobs, you Watchers, will be getting visits from some of my less pleasant relatives."
"And this brings us back to you Miss Rosenberg, you have a lot to answer for, but let us start with something I have found buried in Alexander's subconscious. I bet you thought it was erased, but instead it was just buried."
The bubble flared to life above them showing Xander pacing back and forth in front of Willow and babbling. "Willow, I don't understand why I acted that way, it doesn't make any sense, why would I kiss you, you're like a sister to me, I'm not attracted to you, so why would I kiss you, it doesn't make any sense and it gives me the hibby-jibbies just thinking about it, it's weird and gross, not to mention cheating on Cordy, god what is wrong with me, what happened, it was like I couldn't stop myself, I didn't want to but I did, and now Cordy won't even talk to me and everyone is blaming me and I don't even know what happened!"
"You think it's gross to kiss me?" Willow said angrily, "You deserve everyone blaming you, how could you even like that slut over me? I always thought you would realize someday that you and I were a pair and that we belong together, as far as I am concerned you cheated on me, you idiot!"
"Willow, what are you talking about, we're family, not boyfriend and girlfriend, I love Cordy, and lost her because of this, I need to figure out what happened, why I acted like I did, at the very least she deserves an explanation for my behavior."
"You want an explanation, you ass, here it is, I put a spell on you to make you kiss me. I wanted you to see we belong together, you were supposed to see that you are supposed to love me and want to be with me, but no, all you can think about is Cordelia this and Cordelia that, what about me you asshole? What about what I want, doesn't that count for anything?"
Xander stared at her. "Not if your actions cause others pain, Willow, not if it means imposing your will on others, that's just wrong. I learned that lesson with the love spell, you have to tell everyone, Willow, please, don't do this to us, it will destroy our friendship, and look at what it's done to Cordy!"
"Cordy, Cordy, Cordy all you think about is her and I am sick of it, you will never be happy with anyone Xander, I will make sure of it, you don't deserve it. And since everyone thinks the whole fluke is your fault no one will believe you if you tell them about this anyway, so it doesn't matter."
"Giles can do a spell, to see the one you put on me then they'll believe me, Willow," Xander said desperately.
"No, they won't," she answered as she grabbed something from her desk and said, "Forget."
Xander looked confused for a moment and said, "What were we just talking about?"
"Nothing important, you're probably just tired, maybe you should just go home and go to bed," Willow answered.
"Yeah, I think I'll do that, I'll see you tomorrow."
"You know Miss Rosenberg, this didn't solve the problem, as he still wonders why he behaved that way, not to mention, you mind raped him, then essentially gave him a magical roofie. For the rest of his life, he would know something happened to him, but not what that something was, and whether he remembered or not it would haunt him and affect any relationship he attempts in the future. He will always wonder how he could cheat on the woman he loved. A relationship that in its second incarnation post-Valentine's Day was an increasingly happy and fulfilling one for both parties, as Cordelia had dealt with her fears and insecurities and Alexander finally felt loved and accepted and loved her in return. Plus he does not need to actually remember it for it to contribute to his pain and now, because of me, he does remember."
There was a stunned silence throughout the library and then Cordelia began to scream. "Willow, you god-damn fucking bitch, I will destroy you. You evil, hateful bitch, how could you, how could you do that. You're disgusting, just wait until I get my hands on you, you bitch."
"Willow", Oz said in a quiet, strangled voice "You really did that?"
"Yes," she said resentfully, "They deserved it."
"Willow, don't you understand how wrong that is?"
"You are partially to blame Mr. Giles, as this is another instance where you failed to properly research an issue. The soul curse, Mr. Giles, it goes back to that."
Again, the bubble appeared above them showing Willow attempting the curse in her weakened, post coma state, and then suddenly something seemed to enter her and she began to speak in a foreign language. It was obvious this was unexpected.
"If you had researched properly Mr. Giles, then you would have known that vengeance curses can only be cast for the purpose of vengeance. It would not work otherwise and Miss Rosenberg's stated purpose was to help Miss Summers, by giving her back Angel. You all thought Alexander's reasons for objecting were jealousy because he once asked Miss Summers out, and once that might have true, but no longer, as his concern had nothing to do with an emotion he was not actually feeling, was he, Angel? You can smell emotions, was Alexander jealous?"
"No, annoyed, disgusted, weirded out, but not jealous, not anymore."
Buffy looked surprised. "But Xander loves me, it's his whole reason for wanting to be in on Slaying, to impress me."
"Wow, you really are full of yourself," the eerie voice laughed. "You really believe that don't you, just because he asked you out once, oh that is priceless, no Miss Summers, he cares about you, yes, but loves you, no, and his reasons for wanting to be involved have nothing to do with you. We will get to his reasons in just a moment, as they are a big part of this."
"For the record, Mr. Giles, she was possessed by a member of the Kalderash tribe, who actually performed the curse. Alexander once mentioned how strange it was that she could go from not being able to do any magic, to doing this black and nasty curse, to barely being able to float a pencil. Something that others should have noticed as well. Also, why is she being allowed to study magic with no help, if she had someone instructing her as she should be, they would have realized sooner that part of the problem is that black curse left a stain on her soul and she has never done any cleansing rituals or spells to clean the taint out and it is corrupting her soul, without help there is a very good chance she will be become addicted like you did, Mr. Giles. She needs help and soon."
"Giles, I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me." Willow protested.
"Willow we will have to check on this, she's right cleansing rituals and spells are absolutely a necessity, no different than say, showering for instance."
"Yeah," Cordelia said angrily, "because you stink to high heaven, you bitch."
She and Willow glared at each other, each hating the other.
"Ok, onto the last bit, which is the real reason why he is involved in the fight and it has nothing to do with little miss 'I am so important'."
The bubble appeared above them, showing Willow and Buffy talking. "I really wish Xander would just stop following me around like he does, it's getting so embarrassing, he just can't seem to get it through his dense skull that I'm just not interested, he's going to get himself hurt or killed trying to impress me."
"I know, he's always been dense, I mean maybe if he had some other reason to be involved it wouldn't be such a problem and he keeps talking about the families who will never know what happened to their loved ones, but what does he know about it, he's never lost anyone so it's just ridiculous," Willow answered.
"Doesn't he realize what it will do to me if he dies because he was trying to impress me?" Buffy said huffily.
Cordelia stared at them, shocked, "You think it's because of you that he does this?" She turned her head toward Xander and asked Epione, "Did he hear them say this, is this why you're here?"
"Yes."
"God, no wonder, he's hurting and you bitches think I'm selfish."
"Enlighten us, Cordelia, if it isn't because of me what is the reason?" Buffy asked sarcastically.
"Angel already said he doesn't smell jealousy from Xander, Buffy, therefore his reason for fighting has nothing to do with you. His reason for fighting is for Jesse."
"Who's Jesse?"
"He was Xander's best friend, Buffy. They considered themselves brothers in all but blood, he was lured and turned by Darla, Angel's sire when you came to Sunnydale, don't you remember? He went into the sewers with you to try to find Jesse. While Xander was knocking that vamp off of you that day in the sewer, Jesse was already a vampire. At the Harvest a couple of days later, Jesse attacked me. Xander stopped him, pulled him off me, and held a stake to his heart, someone bumped into him and Jesse was dusted, the first vampire Xander ever staked. His reasons for fighting aren't about you, you air-headed bitch, it's because of Jesse, it's also because of what happened to Jesse that he doesn't like Angel. Angel claimed he came here to help fight, but did very little until after he came back from that hell dimension. You let Angelus kill and torture for 6 months, gave him chance after chance, but Jesse never got a chance."
"And Willow, how could you forget someone we knew for 12 years, I mean I didn't like him very much, but even I remember him, but he was your friend and you forgot him, no wonder Xander is hurt, no wonder his soul is screaming loud enough to attract a goddess of suffering to ease his pain, if I didn't already think you were a bitch, this would convince me, you need serious help!"
"I haven't forgotten, I just didn't know it had anything to do with Jesse."
"Willow, for someone, supposedly so smart, you are incredibly stupid. You and Buffy are so busy thinking everything is about you that you never stopped to consider that none of it has anything to do with you. And now you selfish bitches have to deal with the fact that Xander is special and has been chosen as well and is a part of the supernatural world, whether you like it or not."
"He is not the only one that is not anymore normal than Miss Summers would like to believe, Cordelia," Epione, said softly, "you too have a destiny, ask Mr. Giles when we are done here what being a child of Cassandra means, you need to know as that is what you are. And do not worry, you are strong enough to bear it."
"Now, I have done what I came to do, it will not be easy but all of these issues and pain need to be addressed and dealt with, as together you could become one the strongest demon-hunting teams in the world, but all of you need to remember, especially you Miss Summers and Miss Rosenberg, no one is more important than any other and you are not the de facto leader. Mr. Giles is the adult and Alexander has knowledge that is useful, if used, listen to them and the future will be bright for all of you. And his name is Alexander, not Xander, he never liked being called that, another example of burying his own wants and needs to make others happy, as it was you, Miss Rosenberg, that insisted on calling him Xander, stop making him do that, it is not nice, at all."
Alexander collapsed where he was and the others suddenly found they could move.
Giles and Cordelia rushed toward him, Giles calling out to Angel, "Help me get him on the table."
Buffy and the others moved toward the table cautiously, wondering if the spirit was really gone or if this was some kind of trick. Giles shakily lowered himself into a chair. "I have screwed up so badly, I need to take responsibility as the adult, but Buffy and Willow, my God, I didn't realize how bad you two had gotten. Epione was right you both are horribly spoiled and that has to stop and you will not be allowed to get away with bullying anyone, anymore. Willow, sit down, right now. Wesley, I should have the ingredients for diagnostic and cleansing spells in my office, let's get that taken care of first, while we wait for Xander, excuse me, Alexander, to wake up."
"Yes, quite," Wesley headed for the office as Willow sat down, glaring resentfully at everyone, especially Cordelia. Oz kept his distance from her, his face inscrutable as usual, you'd have to know him quite well to see the pain in his eyes.
Faith eased back as well, she didn't like feeling exposed, on the other hand, X hadn't been trying to hurt her, he'd been hurting for her, a new experience for her and one she needed to think about. Maybe Epione was right, maybe she needed to deal with stuff because she didn't want to end up like X. He was going to be so embarrassed when he woke up and discovered his secrets had been exposed, but it seemed it was the only way left to ensure his own destiny was fulfilled.
"Hey," Faith said suddenly, "X has a destiny, how cool is that, all chosen and everything, I can't wait to pick his brain on what all he knows."
"Faith it could be a trick," Buffy said irritably, "I mean the seers thought something bad was going to happen."
"Actually, Buffy the seers just said that there a power that would come on a friendly face and a scream of pain. It was the Council that thought it was connected to the Hellmouth, Epione is not known to be a malevolent spirit and Alexander does have the mark of Janus. No, I think everything we heard and saw is the truth and we need to deal with it and not try to deny it, doing so will only cause more pain. My being so focused on you and Willow has caused quite enough pain as it is and Faith, I am so sorry for neglecting you as well as Alexander, and by extension Cordelia and no doubt Oz, because of Willow's and Buffy's actions. It seems, I have been most negligent and it is inexcusable, especially as I never realized how less than through I was in my research and how bad I was at follow up and Alexander was most persistent in trying to get me to do follow-ups and I just dismissed his concerns each time. So much could have been avoided or dealt with sooner if I hadn't."
"You are not the only one, Mr. Giles, I too have neglected to do follow-ups. Mr. Harris never expressed his concerns to me, but I did hear him voice some of them and should have urged us to address them as they were valid," Wesley spoke up as he prepared the spells.
"Giles, what did Epione mean about me being a child of Cassandra, what does that mean?"
"A child of Cassandra means you are a descendant of Cassandra of Troy, she was a seer, Cordelia, she got visions of the future, as her descendant, sometime between your twentieth and twenty-fifth birthday, your ability will activate. Most descendants never have the ability, but those that do need to be strong because they often see things like people in trouble. Epione believes you are strong enough to bear this and I agree."
"This doesn't have anything to do with the Hellmouth, does it?"
"No, it would have happened anyway, regardless of where you were on earth, it's a part of your genetic code."
"Wow, okay so I have a few years to get used to the idea, I mean, I'm barely eighteen."
"Don't worry Cordelia, I will help you, I will endeavor not to disappoint you as I have Alexander and Faith."
"G, stop beating yourself up, you screwed up, but you're doing something about it now so chill, ok. We'll deal."
"Thank you, Faith, I can only hope Alexander is as forgiving."
"Well this spell is ready, so please sit still, Miss Rosenberg, it won't hurt," Wesley cast the mixture at her and spoke a few words, instantly her aura lit up, showing a multitude of colors, brown showed prominently as well as black.
"Oh dear," Giles began to clean his glasses, again. "Brown is the color of self-absorption, and selfishness, and black is the color of anger and ill health. We need to do the cleansing spell immediately, Willow, clearly you need help. We have to clear out what is caused by magic before we can work on any other causes."
"Fine, just get it over with."
Wesley cast the cleansing spell and some of the brown and black faded, but some remained.
"Well, it seems some of your problems are from magic, but some of it is still issues that will need to be addressed, issues of selfishness and anger. Clearly, your attitude toward Alexander shows this, since you resent his own intelligence and his relationship with Cordelia, and the fact that he loves you like a sister, rather than a lover. Those spells you used on him Willow, that really is horrible and horrifying, comparing it to roofying someone is accurate. You need to accept that he doesn't share your feelings and never led you on, it was all on you. He is entitled to his feelings and to love who he wants. You need to let this go and you will be lucky if he wants to continue his friendship with you. I think tomorrow I am going to contact a witch I know and have protection spells put on us all, in hopes that something like this never happens again, anyone with malevolent intent could try something similar and Willow, if I find out you did anything like this again I will have your powers bound, understand me?"
"Yes."
"Faith, could you walk her home, and Angel could you see Buffy home, I will give Alexander and Cordelia a ride when he wakes up and Faith, we will talk soon, alright?"
"Yeah G, see you tomorrow and X and I will need to talk too."
"Oz, will you be alright on your own?"
"Yeah, my van is just outside, I'll head straight home, I need to think about stuff too."
Cordelia sat quietly, thinking about everything. Xander, no Alexander hadn't cheated, not of his own free will, he'd essentially been raped. God what did this mean for them, was there still them? Was it possible to get past the anger and pain? Could they rebuild, did she want to, did he? Could she help him, because, hello rape! Ok, maybe an exaggeration, but still, definitely against his will. They needed to talk, that was for sure and Cordelia realized all of this might have come out sooner if she'd just listened to him in the first place. She realized suddenly her anger had not been proportional to the crime, Alexander had kissed another girl, yes and she had been hurt by it, but it really was out of character for him. Some of the guys she had dated, she expected it and didn't even get mad when it happened, just broke up with them, but she hadn't expected it from Alexander and that was part of why it hurt, but why hadn't she tried to find out why it had happened, was it because it hurt so much or had Willow done more spells, would they ever know for sure?
Alexander began to stir and Cordelia alerted Giles and Wesley.
Alexander opened his eyes and then closed them again. "So that really happened, didn't it?" he said softly.
Cordelia nearly collapsed in relief as she heard his real voice instead of that eerie one. "Yeah," she said, just as softly, "It did and there's a lot to talk about, but I think for now maybe we should let Giles take us both home and think about things for a while, ok."
"Ok. Cordy, everything Epione said and showed you, it's true. Including the loving you and being happy with you parts. Just wanted you to know that."
"I think I already knew it, I was just so hurt I couldn't deal with it. I should have talked with you sooner, maybe we could have worked through it and it wouldn't have come to this."
"A lot of woulda, coulda, shouldas Cordy, I should have stood up to Willow sooner, not let her manipulate me, it's just at the time, I only had 2 friends and was desperate not to lose one. So many regrets, all we can do now is deal and move on, to whatever that might be."
A/N There you have it, my first ever fanfic. I wrote this to try to sort through some of the various issues I have with the show. I never bought the fluke, it made no sense, not from the very beginning. There just wasn't that kind of chemistry there. Xander and Faith in a post slayage mood, kissing? Yes, believable. Xander and Willow? So not. Her all so casual use of Lethe's Bramble on Tara, not to mention just happening to have it there, readily available for a quick mind wipe? She's used it before, she was just too quick and easy about it, to be her first time using it.
Also, I don't honestly belief Xander was normal, maybe not even from the beginning and certainly not after two possessions, not to mention, the swim team stuff, which states in canon was halted, but no mention of a reversal. He didn't get hurt nearly as much as he should have and recovered way too quickly in canon to be normal. Remember Olaf? Hit Xander twice with mystical artifact that amplifies the bearers strength and Xander just bites his tongue. Olaf broke his arm yes, but again, he healed real fast. And Willow tried to funnel the energy of the Earth through his chest cavity and threw him like twenty feet and he just got up and waded right back into thick of it. No, normal isn't the right word to describe him.
Someone asked when this story takes place, it's post Zeppo and since I have decided to continue the story, it will need to addressed.
Anyway standard disclaimer, Josh owns them, he messed them up, fanfiction writers are just trying to fix them. Each in our own way.